Transcript
Speaker: Do you know what it's like when you wanna go cry But you can't let out all the feelings inside So you lay in your bed under blankets And how do you let people know that you're feeling just fine And your pillow gets stained with the tears that you cried And you're praying nobody comes in And that's why the redness is already taking your rise I wish you could hide it but there's no disguise in it Cry, let it all out
Speaker: if i had to be completely honest with myself i'm tired i'm tired it's not a physical tired it's a very you know it's in the soul it's like i'm fucking tired i'm tired of going through this shit i'm tired of tired of everything not working out and i'm just like i fucking tried and it's a
Speaker: I can't not lie and say, it's not like you don't want to live kind of thing. It's more of a, if God were sitting across from me right now, there would be a part of me that would just want to go up to him and say, listen, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not, I can't do this anymore. I'm just, I'm fucking physically and mentally spent and I'm done.
Speaker: It's a, it's a silent battle too. Um, and it's a, it's a battle kind of hide from the world and from the people we love and the people we want to love or want to love us because who wants a broken person? You know, it's like if they knew, like if the people in your life knew how broken we were, like,
Speaker: would they stay? And then that raises the question of like, how do I fix this? Can you fix this? I don't know. What's going on, everybody? Happy Monday. Hopefully you guys had a good start to your week. It is Monday. Oh, hello.
Speaker: So you guys know what that means. It's time for another episode of men caring for men. We don't always sit down and we chitchat and talk about men's mental health and some of the struggles and the, this and that, that, that we go through as men. And oftentimes we are not necessarily not allowed to talk about it, but we just have always been taught that we're not supposed to talk about or anything like that. Well, we're kicking them doors down and we're doing it here. I'm in caring for men.
Speaker: Uh, but anyways, welcome to men. You're about to have a traumatic experience in about three seconds. Connor, we are going to, we are going to, uh, be discussing some
Speaker: And then I got guys who just come and do as they please.
Speaker: trauma tonight, you know, uh, dealing with trauma, going through trauma issues, stuff like that. Um, but before we dive into that, you guys know the routine. If you're not already, go ahead and check us out on all the social media. As we, we do have Facebook, Instagram X and six, huh? You can also join us live every Monday, seven, seven 30 ish on
Speaker: YouTube, Twitch, and Facebook are kind of a brain freeze. And you can listen to us any place, any time, wherever you listen to podcasts. Oh, and Nonsensical Nonsense. Yes, it is a part of the Nonsensical Network. Multiple shows are there, but you can find everything there, or you can simply go to bio .link slash Nonsensical Nonsense, right down there at the bottom of your screen. All the links for all the social media and all the sponsors are there, sponsors like Liquid IV,
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Speaker: be talking about trauma and whatnot. And I am going to actually kind of step back here in just a minute and give Connor as a little trial run here. But obviously, you know, when we talk about certain topics and subjects, I do like to just kind of drop down for reference because a lot of people may not truly understand or may not know.
Speaker: more specific topics and trauma. Basically, it's defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that's going to affect you mentally. Obviously, we do know the physical injury side of it. If you cut your arm off, that's going to be a serious physical trauma. Chris, are you missing an appendage we can't see while you're clothed?
Speaker: maybe um and then they they say there's three types of trauma um and that could directly affect your your mental uh health yeah your mental health thank you brain freeze uh they uh
Speaker: acute trauma, which is based off of a single incident, you know, maybe a car accident, maybe, uh, you know, something like that. Uh, maybe you end up with a survival or survivor's guilt. If it's a bad car accident or plane accident or, you know, just something devastating, you know, just one single thing that's going to leave you kind of.
Speaker: for a little while. Chronic trauma, which is, they listed as being a repeated or prolonged, such as domestic violence or abuse or something along those lines. But then complex trauma, which they characterized as being exposed to varied and multiple traumatic events, often an invasive interpersonal nature. So, you can label it,
Speaker: with anything with our vets, I think, I think a lot of our vets, you guys are going to deal with that complex trauma depending upon, you know, what, what went on, uh, first responders, they might, they, they're probably going to deal with something like that. Um, and I think that's going to be kind of a little mixture of everything, uh, going on here tonight. Uh, like I said, I am going to kind of step back for a little bit.
Speaker: and let Connor take the wheel if you will. Until he disappears 400 times and I have to keep sliding back in. We do have Connor in the building as always, my right hand man, left hand man in my case.
Speaker: And Jarvis is in the building. Brian may or may not be joining us later on, like he normally does. That link is sent to him. And before we get started, I do want to ask each other, hello, Jarvis, starting with you. How are you doing this week, man? How's everything going?
Speaker: doing pretty good. As soon as Connor had told us this is what we were talking about, I looked over at my wife and I said, well, this is gonna be an interesting episode. And she's like, yeah. And, you know, it was kind of, as soon as I seen Connor post that we were talking about trauma, I was kind of like,
Speaker: it's almost like a sign that we were like kind of holding it off for a little bit. And then all of a sudden, bam, we're going to be talking about it. And, you know, it's, Alyssa was like, well, I wish I could have been here, you know? And I'm like, why? Cause then all three of us or all four of us are crying at the same time. And you're going to be crying, bitch. But, and Connor - I don't cry, tears are for the week.
Speaker: Connor's gonna be the one making us cry so I don't know about but you know I just I just I'm glad to be here and you know can't wait to see what the show is gonna be like hopefully dude you're talking like you're in the comments I can't wait to see what these guys have in store for us today
Speaker: Long time, long time listener, first time joiner. How's it going? I'm excited to be here, guys. Can't wait to see what it's going to be all about. I've never been here before. Yeah, I've never been here before. That's why I call myself the wish version of Jeff, you know, so. Jarvis makes me question my mental health on a daily basis. You're the reason I drink. That's not true. I never drank until I met Jarvis. That's definitely not true.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, hey, you know, won't be the first time someone blamed me for something I didn't do. So, you know, but, you know, we got Connor here and we're going to allow. Oh, God damn it. Now he's on the phone. But we're going back to Glick because we we might want to get Connor's undivided attention on this show. You know, we still want to have fun. We sort of joke and whatnot on this.
Speaker: on this show. I'll say for myself, it's a good week. I'm preparing myself for potential chaos in the next day or two. And then, you know, still dealing with stresses from work. So, you know, I'm hanging in there with me personally, even though I got a lot on my plate and a lot on my mind and a lot going on. I'm just kind of trying to stay positive and hope for the best and keep
Speaker: just one day at a time, I guess, because I do got a lot going on over here. I'm just trying not to let it get the best of me at the end of the day and take over everything. Because I know if I start to sit and dwell and think and worry about it, it's just going to consume me. And then things will go from not necessarily terrible to really bad and a heartbeat.
Speaker: Connor, how are you doing, man? I know it's beginning of the week. How was your, how was your week last week? How, how was your weekend? How are you right now? This very second, I'm kind of angry. It's not angry. I'm frustrated. It's 7 45 on a Monday night. Always do podcasts 7 30 on Monday nights. I always, always, always show up on the Monday show period. She called me.
Speaker: to tell me she was getting me blueberry waffles and sour cream from the store. And that was the extent of our conversation. You know, that's going to be sitting. Oh my God. Well, thanks. Love you. Okay. Yeah. Uh -huh. Remember we were talking about the clothing aisles.
Speaker: Remember we were talking about stress. What was that last week? Woosah Connor. Woosah. I feel like uh I feel like the love guru.
Speaker: What anyway I digress last week was pretty decent Jesus H Christ Last week was pretty decent
Speaker: We're trying to get our stuff together for the house. Uh, hopefully get closing done here in the next couple of weeks and be moved in in April. And then you guys will see me with a whole new background. Well, you know, but I'll be done moving. Yes. Again, congratulations on, on the new house and not necessarily congratulations on the move because as we all know, moving sucks.
Speaker: Yes. It's horrible. It can be very stressful. Are you are you crocheting right now? What do you uh what the **** is that? Pull a beard beard. Pull a beard out of my beard brush. You know, some of us actually take care of our beard and and brush it. Don't have birds living in like my **** sexy. Don't get upset with me because I'm younger than you. I'm prettier than you.
Speaker: are you
Speaker: Uh, no, I kind of, I kind of filled Jarvis in Saturday and I, and we talked about it a little bit yesterday because Jarvis, uh, Brian and Mark and I, uh, spent like six hours while Brian, Mark and I were playing call of duty. Jarvis was just hanging out with us.
Speaker: But we spent like six hours yesterday playing Call of Duty. And then at one point Nick was like, is this what you're doing all day? And I was like, is that okay? She was like, yeah, that's fine. I just wanted to know. It was kind of my plans from the get go. I don't do that very often. But man, do you want to talk about just shutting your brain off and not thinking about anything? And not only that, but getting to hang out with two guys that I'm really starting to like, not so much Jarvis.
Speaker: He's like, he's like, he's like our little brother at this point. He tags along. We just tolerate. We have to take him with us, mom. So lame. No, I'm kidding. It was nice to just kind of hang out and not really talk about anything, but we've got Jarvis in there and, and, and, and Mark and Brian, the four of us just kind of chit chatting and just, just playing video games. It was really cool. And it, uh, it's, it's, it's, it's a hell of a, like, uh,
Speaker: Just kind of, it's a good reset, like a good, like hard reset reset on your brain before the realities of everything click back in to hang out with your buddies, even if you're just playing video games and not really chit chatting about anything. So that was cool that we got to do that. But I did tell him yesterday as well, you know, kind of give him a gist of what, what, what you wanted to talk about. So I'm going to slide over here.
Speaker: I like toes. Say that for Wednesday, Marcus. I'm going to slide over here to the to the right of your screen or left of your screen or whatever. And I'm going to, you know, much like Carrie Underwood, ask Jesus to take the wheels. I'm going to ask Connor to take the wheel. Look, my no hands. Connor's in control of this ship. I don't know if in control is the right word. More like, what is it they say in Toy Story? Just falling with style.
Speaker: But, uh, what's up, Mark? Uh, I brought up this topic specifically last week because, uh, I'll be, I'm gonna be real open and honest and, and, and transparent with y 'all. Uh, I had a therapy appointment on Monday and it was fucking rough. It was real rough. Uh, we talked about some things that I absolutely despise talking about. I've always not really enjoyed it. Um,
Speaker: And we talked about some of my coping mechanisms and how they were, some of them were kind of detrimental. Um, so on Monday night, after, after I'd had my therapy session and everything, and we talked about stress, it was like, you know, maybe we should bring up the things that cause us stress from the past that nobody talks about. Cause everybody talks about the here and now everybody talks about, you know,
Speaker: All my kids are louder. Oh, I've got bills and I don't have the money for it. But what happened? What happened 10 years ago that you can't get out of your head? What are you stressed about still today that fucks with you and everything that goes on in the way and how does that, uh, how does that change how we react to things on a day to day basis? So that's why I brought this up. Um, on top of that, I was told it was probably a good thing for me to talk about some of these more uncomfortable things a little more.
Speaker: So I do want this to be, uh, open, open discussion. This isn't just me telling a story or anything, anything crazy like that. Um, I'm not some fucking Navy SEAL that went to Iraq four times or something nuts like that. I was in the fucking air force. Uh, yes, absolutely. Mark. Thank you, Chris. I was getting to it. Absolutely.
Speaker: talking about the painful shit is extremely difficult sometimes. My wife has chronic, not chronic, complex PTSD like Jeff, Jesus Christ. I'm gonna leave now. My wife has complex PTSD like Chris had mentioned. Sorry, Chris.
Speaker: from some stuff that happened when she was young. And I have known, I have seen what post -traumatic stress looks like from the outside looking in through her. And then five years after we got married, four years after we got married, I went on a trip to Afghanistan and came back just a little bit different. And then I got to see what it was like from the inside
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: No, 100 % agreed. I think it's so fast, especially our vets and our first responders, whether it be nurses, firefighters, EMTs, police officers, whatever the case may be, doctors, whatever. I think that there's a lot of times it's so quick to judge those people because they're in those situations
Speaker: on a daily basis almost so easy to go, well, you know, you're dealing with PTSD. Um, you know, this happened or that happened. And I know a lot of firefighter and police friends of mine and whatnot like that, that, um, you know, I had, I have friends that were at nine 11, uh, doing the cleanup and they're still rocked from it. You know, they, they've never quite,
Speaker: It's got their bearings right together, but for the normal people like myself and Jarvis or the average Joe, so to say, you know, like you said, picking back on top of it, they 100%. They don't see it or they don't diagnose it properly just because whether maybe they don't understand that going through a childhood drama or a domestic violence situation or
Speaker: and and and or you know mentally uh dealing with the domestic situation 100 % just destroyed you know, especially if it's if it's an ongoing thing what it does to your psyche at the end of the day and they're the experts yeah yeah it's what it's wild you you hear sorry Jarvis I don't mean to cut you up no but being in the military you get briefed when you go overseas and you come back they brief you you know
Speaker: if you had this, this, and this type of experience and you're experiencing this and you need to talk to a counselor or a therapist or go to behavioral health and get checked out, because the issues that you're having are real in their problems and it's causing, we're just seeing such mass quantities coming out of the military, that's what everyone associates it with. And on the civilian side, as Chris said, every day, Joe,
Speaker: You've got people who are dealing with childhood sexual trauma, domestic abuse for years and years and years, people who have been in just the worst relationships in the world and it caused post -traumatic stress, which is just a fixation on that. Your body remembers, but your brain won't let you.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: with PTSD and even with trauma from being either sexualized or abused in any way. It's weird because people just expect you to get over what you're dealing with and it's not that simple. Our veterans
Speaker: go into something they're not ready for just yet. But when they're brought over to Afghanistan or Pearl Harbor when that was attacked or we can even say 9 -11 with civilians, we're not ready to see shit like that. And our veterans come back and people just look at them in
Speaker: negative tones. And it's, it pisses me off because none of these people that look at a veteran and say, Oh, well, that person's a baby killer, or, Oh, that person could have had a chance to turn the other cheek and all that shit. It's like, those motherfuckers pissed me off so much because it's like, the veterans are making sure we still have our freedoms, our rights.
Speaker: And they're paying the ultimate price. Some die, some come back with those emotional scars that I'll never be able to experience because I was never in the military. But like I told, uh, Connor.
Speaker: were when Connor said, this is what we're doing. I just cannot wait to hear some of the stuff that, you know, some of our soldiers did go through and just say thank you to all our soldiers that paid that price because without them, we don't have what we have.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: Yeah, it was just fucking three and a half, four months of just really not fun times. And sometimes that I, God, I wish I could go back and I could do it all over again. But even now I'm just thinking about it. It's making me uncomfortable. It's making me start to perspire. Just thinking about some of it just makes me so uncomfortable because of how unsafe you feel. I think that what we kind of,
Speaker: And I'm just going to jump into this because I have my minds on it now. But yeah, once it's there, it doesn't go away. But when we left the States, it was like, Oh yeah, we're going to war. Sweet. This is what we signed up for. I'm excited. It's time for, you know, my, my, my friends, they got theirs. It's time for me to get mine. Like let's go, let's go do something. And, um,
Speaker: you go in with this mentality of like, we're going to go fuck shit up and it's going to be this way. And yeah, it might suck. And then you, you're there and you're like, Oh wait, shit. People are actually trying to fucking end my life.
Speaker: And there's a stark realization when that happens to, it's not, Oh, you're hearing about it in the news. Oh, you're, you're watching a movie. It's not all you heard gunshots in the neighborhood next to you. It's, Oh, Oh rounds are going over my head. Oh, they're, they're, they're shooting mortars at us. Oh, look, that just blew up over there. And you realize that people are really trying to fucking kill you.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: You know, yeah, we don't want you to die there. Safety measures and you, you know, someone's on post and you, you know, you get shot at, you shoot back. And again, I'm not going to feign that I was some, some super Billy bad -ass. I was a fobbit. I was, you know, I didn't leave the, I never left the wire. Uh, we got shot out on post and that's how that worked. And I will just, it just, I didn't enjoy it and something about it. Messed with my head. Uh,
Speaker: to the worst experience that I had while I was there, was three or four days before I left, we were getting everything ready. When we came in, we were a guard unit out of Toledo, Ohio. We came in and we didn't bring any body armor and shit with us. We didn't bring our own guns. We got in -country, we got on in -station and
Speaker: the the
Speaker: Well, probably it was either four or five days before we left. We turned everything in and then our plane got delayed. So it went from being two days out to being four days out. And the next day, the day after we had turned in all our gear, I turned in my rifle, I turned in my helmet, I turned in my body armor, um, and all my rounds and everything. We got a IDF, which is indirect fire. We got a rocket attack.
Speaker: and I was at, I was at work. I was in my shop and I'd just come out of the bathroom. Uh, I'd just gotten done taking a shit and there was, there was a loud, like thunderous fucking boom. Like it kicked you in your chest when I was inside.
Speaker: I was like, fuck, dude. And then the alarms go incoming, incoming, incoming. And they do tests all the time. So my flight chief standing in front of me, we kind of look at each other sideways and there's another boom. And the sea Rams, there's like this little R2D2 with a fucking minigun on it. Um, they, they start going fucking nuts and they're loud as shit. They're probably a hundred meters away from us. You've seen videos of it. It's cool as shit, but they start going nuts. And I was like,
Speaker: usually don't go off during tests and my uh my flight chief looked at me he's like oh that's real as fuck and then there's another one that hit and I was like oh my god and as soon as the third one hit I I can remember it like it was fucking like it was yesterday like like it just happened a couple hours ago I laid down on the ground you know my my flight chief laying down next to me we covered up our heads and all I could think about was my kids and all I could think about was man I'm never gonna get to say goodbye
Speaker: and the
Speaker: There's a harsh reality, a harsh heart. That reality was a kick in the face for you. And I think a lot of, and I know I was the same way when I thought I was going to go into the military. Cause I was, you know, as I've said before, that was my plan, but I, and I know you were the same way because I remember talking to you when we first met, you know, a lot of guys go into the military and they're super gung ho and they're like, you know, I can't wait to.
Speaker: get over there and fuck shit up, you know, but you hear the stories and you got firsthand account from Connor, you know, the guys aren't ready for, it's not what you see on TV. It's not what you see in the video games or anything like that. It's, it's real life. And, you know, that, that, that mentality of, Oh, I'm going to be a hard ass. I'm going to be a bad ass in the military. It's kind of like Mike Tyson used to always say, everybody's got a plan until you get punched in the mouth.
Speaker: And then that's kind of what the situation sounds like for you, man. You got punched in the mouth and it was like, oh shit, this is, this is like real, real. Yeah, it was just, it was a different experience. And it was those realizations of, you know, my families, my families, they're just going to get a letter. You know, it was those, it was those realizations where I was like, oh shit.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: going to bed every night and just saying, I hope I wake up tomorrow to Jesus Christ. I just want to go home. Yeah. Yeah. And every time those fucking robots went off from then on, dude, I was just like, all right. Here it comes. Here it comes. Next one's mine. But it was just it was that like exactly like you said, it's that realization is that punch in the face.
Speaker: And to address, I think it was this question. To address this question from you, Mark. What do I think it's changed in me as a person? Dude, I used to be super extroverted.
Speaker: I would talk to strangers at the store. I would, I would be up to meet everybody and, and talk to everybody and anybody. And now someone so much like looks in my direction at the store, I just want to fucking leave because I don't trust anybody. I went from being here, being here in the States and being calm and collected about everything too. As soon as we got in country, we were getting, we were getting ground attacked. And then.
Speaker: Whatever we get briefings. Hey, don't don't talk to the fucking locals. Don't shake hands with people. You don't know blah blah blah, you know Essentially US sticks with the US and you know, it's cool to have friends outside of our country, but not the locals don't fucking talk And they go to the PX the locals are running the PX Go to the shop. It's the locals are running the shop ads and
Speaker: the the
Speaker: It was like three, three, uh, civilian contractors and five service members. And I was just like, dude, I'm going to avoid everybody and everything, every big gathering. Like I won't do it. And I came back and that's exactly, that's how I've stayed. I, it's, I can't go to concerts. I can't go to fucking like big football games and hockey games anymore without being so uncomfortable that I just leave. And I've walked out of grocery stores too, just cause someone bumped into me. Um,
Speaker: the little while ago, while we were still in El Paso, Texas, obviously, there are a lot of Hispanic -speaking people down there. My mother -in -law was out to visit my wife and I and the kids and everything. We were out at Target, and there was a dude behind me who was speaking a different language. It wasn't Spanish, and I didn't know what the fuck it was. I grabbed my chest. I did this.
Speaker: And I was looking for my rifle because I just felt uncomfortable. I was like, that's my safe space. It's right there. That's my safe space. And it wasn't there. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to leave. And I started sweating. I was breathing hard, went outside. I smoked a cigarette and I and I had a fucking panic attack. The dudes were just chatting.
Speaker: the
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: Reliving you know aspects of upset traumatic events or a feeling as if it's happening right now, you know in your mind You know a lot of our vets say for instance a lot of our vets from NAM You know, they would have those flashbacks and you would hear them tell these stories where they would be at home and a Helicopter would fly over and all of a sudden they were right back in Vietnam in their mind They were in Vietnam. They they were not in you know
Speaker: Omaha, Nebraska on the farm where they grew up at, they were back in the jungle and that, and it was 100 % real for them. And, you know, it also involves like seeing images, you know, like, or, uh, experiencing through other senses, like taste, like sounds you've heard those, those, those gentlemen talking and you didn't recognize the language and essentially, uh, or, or like physical sensations in your body. You know, I have my own.
Speaker: I've talked about it on here and I've talked about it on the other shows. I have a very violent past. I was not the greatest person in the world and I did things that I'm not necessarily proud of. But even myself, sometimes if I'm in a situation or an environment, now it's gotten better over the years. But if I'm in a situation or an environment that
Speaker: My, you know, my heart starts racing that, that, that, that old, that old, you know, without even realizing it or knowing what's happening, that old me, that, that, that monster or whatever you want to call it is, is kicking the door down inside and I'm ready to, you know, I'm ready for anything or whatever. And I'm looking for an excuse like, all right, or, you know,
Speaker: It's the reason why I don't go to a lot of boards anymore. You know, I like to go out with Nick, you know, we go to a couple of small places, but I don't like the big clubs and stuff anymore because I feel like, you know, you hear a bottle break and I'm instantly watching the rest of the night. I'm looking over my shoulder. I'm in, I'm like high alert and it's like, but there's nothing going on. It's just your brain reacts because of.
Speaker: trauma or like honor said you know he started breaking out in sweat had panic attacks I've been there too you know I've heard guys get into an argument uh and instantly like oh shit and you know here I am back in you know 20 my early 20s old old asshole click you know it's like do I go bust some heads or do I you know sit here and not so calmly freak out on my own
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: The smell of it. It's not the sound. I can get over that. Like, whatever. I don't have an issue with it. It's the smell. It just smells like those rockets just came over. I can smell the gunpowder from the sea ramps. My wife, she can't handle certain things. I shouldn't say specifics just because it's not my story to tell. But she can't handle certain things. It sends her into her complete other world. And you've got
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: the the
Speaker: how to realize that it's just a reaction and it's not something that that's like, Oh, Hey, this is a life or death situation. It's just, they're just people. Exactly. And that's, and that's one of those things that they say, you know, the, the initial reactions that to trauma, uh, it's going to include like exhaustion, confusion, like you said, you know, you, or, or, you know, even, you know, you heard those guys talking and the first thing you did was go for your chest.
Speaker: it's a sign of, you know, that it was a sign of confusion because it's like, I'm just in a grocery store in El Paso, Texas. And here I am going. It's just, it's my, it's my safety. You know, sadness, anxiety, agitation. You might feel a sense of numbness. Like your, like your body is just
Speaker: you're locked in, you can't move, and I've been there before, you know, like you said, Connor, your fight or flight just goes away. You're just kind of stuck. Disassociation, confusion, you know, stuff like that. These are all signs of the reactions when that trauma rares its ugly head. What's good, Isaac? Brain hammering. Jeez.
Speaker: the African
Speaker: the law and the law and the
Speaker: I'd love to have you on any time, brother. I would just have to get with me and we can, and we can schedule something. We, we invite and encourage all men that want to join us to reach out to us on social media or whatever. And we can lock in a day and time, but, but yeah, you know, I think it was, I think it was Texas not too long ago, just a couple of years ago that it was, cause that was where the, the young lady went missing or something like that. That was a forehood, which
Speaker: We are a lot of shit's been happening at that port. I mean, wasn't it like a few years ago where that one soldier shot it up and all that shit. Yeah. Well, there's a shooting there was, uh, I got, I hate that. I can't remember her name. Um, but there was the one girl who was murdered and they tried to cover it up.
Speaker: And then just recently is sexual abuse scandals from leadership at Fort Hood. But yeah, I mean, you got cases like that and everything. It's just, I'll be honest, I forgot what we were talking about, but sexual assault at Fort Hood apparently came up. I think that's what I was talking about. I think that bio link has all of our social media links. It is something.
Speaker: But, yeah, I mean, you know, there's many forms of the PTSD or the trauma or, you know, and you can't tell somebody, you know, like, you know, Connor, you had your, you know, what happened there. Nobody can tell you that it's not, you know, it's not, quote, unquote, worthy of having trauma or anything like that because
Speaker: everybody deals with stuff differently. I mean, that could, that, that was, that was the, you know, not necessarily snapping point, kind of the snapping point. And that was your come to Jesus moment at the end of the day. It was, it was my walk away from Jesus moment, honestly. Yeah. But I mean, it had something that you had to live with every day because, you know,
Speaker: that's probably, I'm assuming that's probably the closest to death you've probably ever, you know, ever, ever been. Yeah. Knowingly. Yeah. That I know of so far. I don't know. I don't know what else has missed me, but, but yeah, that was absolutely, that was the closest call. And you also throw in that, you know, being in that situation for a prolonged period of time. I mean, again,
Speaker: it's hard to, I feel wrong to lump myself in with some of the other veterans that I know because I know their stories. And I know that what I went through is traumatic and everything like that. But I feel
Speaker: I don't want to say lesser, but like, it's just not, it's, it's not like I watched my buddy die. You know, it's just, it's not, it's not that it's just, dude, I was in a stressful situation for three and a half, four months. I came, like you said, the closest I've ever been to dying and it fucked with me. And the, the repercussions of that trauma have been the hardest
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: Well, it's also, it's also one of those signs, you know, the agitation, aggravation and whatnot, you know, it's as we've discussed with stress and, you know, as you have the different topics, as we talk about the different topics and we, you know, you know, if we, if you don't know, or, you know, whatever the case, but you start to learn that a lot of the symptoms or side effects,
Speaker: are the same, right? They affect the body and they affect the mind a lot in the same way. Uh, you know, uh, you, you said night terrors when I'm, when I'm stressed or I'm really going into the depression depression or, you know, find myself starting to get into a dark spot, my night terrors and my nightmares. And, and, and it's, and, and it's crazy because the nightmares I have are the exact same thing every time the exact same nightmare.
Speaker: The exact same situation. The only thing that changes is the environment. I'm at home. Uh, you know, I'm at a, at a restaurant, I'm at a hotel, but it's the exact, it's the exact same story. It's the exact same nightmare every time. And the night terrors, man, I've dealt with night terrors since I was like 16 years old, man. And they, they are.
Speaker: I mean, it really does. It takes a toll on you and it really wears you out because that sleep deprivation and that exhaustion that weighs heavy on your mental wellbeing as well at the end of the day. I mean, I joke around and say that I'm a functional insomniac and I've been that way since I was 16. I functioned off for two or three hours, maybe four at the most asleep a night. And I've been like that since I was 16, 17.
Speaker: from different situations, seeing things when I was a kid, seeing things between my parents and stuff like that, that still bothers me to this day. I think a lot of it has to do with the unfortunate downfall. My mom passed away before we could have the full blown conversation argument, whatever you want to call about my childhood. And then my dad,
Speaker: Pretends like none of that ever happened and refuses to acknowledge the past in any way, shape, or form. And then other things that I've been through and dealt with and whatnot. And them night terrors and nightmares, they're not fun. And like I said, if I'm doing good, if I'm feeling all right, if I'm
Speaker: happy and content or whatever you want to call it and I'm money. I have money, money, money. But as soon as I start to slip a little bit, man, they come back with a vengeance. There's not those night terrors, no fucking joke. I mean, as soon as you started saying it, too, I was sitting here going, yep, yep, that's exactly right. Because it's the same exact thing every single time is the same exact situation over and over and over again. And oh,
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: And I'll have it like two, three times in the same week. And the and the worst, the best but worst part about it is like, I'll be fine for two months. Fine. My wife will be like, you're acting great. You've been you've been yourself lately. It's been nice. How are you feeling? You know, this and feeling good. And then something will trip me. Something will happen. Somebody will say something. I'll see something. God, I swear, tiktok's the fucking devil.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: As soon as it's in there, man, it's like it won't go away. We had Doc on here on Saturday. One of my favorite things about Doc, Doc is prior to EMS. And he worked, I won't tell his story again. It's not my place, but he worked.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: and talk about all the fucked up shit that went on and how we're going to be better and this that and the other and we just get fucked up and have a good time while talking about the worst, most evil shit. Yeah, I mean, but you're getting it out, man. At the end of the day, you know, and that's and much like anything when it comes to mental health, the worst thing you can do is bottle it up and bottle it up and let it and let it fester, you know, as I said, multiple times.
Speaker: It's a pressure cooker, man. You know, there's only so much that you can hold back before that lid explodes and all hell breaks loose. Damn, bro.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: But the mental roller coaster that that tick tock takes you. Oh, yes. That makes that makes way more sense now. My brain could not compute what that will say. One second. He's watching some half naked shit. Swinger goodies around. And then the next video later, it's Jeff doing tick tock video videos laying in bed. Swinging his bits around. Yeah. But not. And that's one of the things I mean, you know, when it comes to
Speaker: you know, the the the trauma, you know, are dealing with PTSD, you know, recognizing it or or whatever. You know, there's there's like seven signs to it, you know, being startled, being easily startled. You know, you and I both kind of address that in our own personal situations. I'm going to get to don't think we don't think we're not going to get to you down there, buddy. I mean, son of a bitch, quiet little bit.
Speaker: You know, feeling tense or on guard or on edge, you know, like Connor said, he heard somebody talking, you know, I've heard voices get raised or glasses break and all of a sudden I'm on edge all night and I'm on guard and I'm watching over my shoulder, you know, because one of the things that I haven't dealt with and I know it's, and I know it's like a stupid fear because there's, there's, there's,
Speaker: It'll never happen. There's no rhyme or reason, but I'm always worried about being out and about and retribution or revenge for something that I did, you know, almost 20 years ago to somebody else. I'm not worried about it because that's not going to, that's not even an issue, but in my head, that's something that, you know, one of those, and I'm not saying I have PTSD or anything like that, but that's one of those that maybe I do. I don't know. But that's one of those things where.
Speaker: You know, you hear loud voices all of a sudden you're on edge. I'm triggered, you know, I'm triggered and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm on guard. I'm watching over my shoulder or, you know, your last break or something like that. Uh, having difficulty concentrating, um, uh, falling asleep or staying asleep. As we said, you know, we go to bed and night terrors start getting to us or nightmares. And I don't know if it happens for you or not, Connor, but I know it happens for me.
Speaker: And again, I don't know if it's just one of the, you know, you said you reached for your chest while I'm in bed and I have those nightmares. I have to get up and I physically, even though I know that the door's locked, I physically have to get up and go double check the door before I can go back to sleep. Because if I go back to sleep without doing it, the nightmare picks right back up again. As soon as I close my eyes, boom, pick right back up and I start over. It's like somebody hit a rerun button. And as soon as my eyes closed, they first play. Um,
Speaker: Um, feeling irritable, having angry or aggressive outbursts. You say you yell a lot sometimes, you know, when you're feeling, when you're feeling it kicking, you know, kick in and whatnot. I'm the same way.
Speaker: Uh, I don't engage in risk, risky, reckless or destructive behavior. I guess you could say that where I said, I like to find a back country road and crank the stereo up, turn the windows down and drive a hundred miles an hour. And you know, I guess you could say that's risky or reckless behavior and stop sign. I'll just, I'll just pass that stop sign. Oh, sorry officer. My brakes didn't work. Yeah. You know, uh, just alcohol.
Speaker: And I'm not even like we all know you're an alcoholic click like that's been a thing When I got back from Afghanistan my wife took the bottle away Because I I was going through fucking I've gone through a fifth a day Plus beer and my wife was just like I think that I did that for four or five weeks and Nikki was like, hey
Speaker: Uh, your beer is all gone. And I was like, what do you mean? My beer is all gone. Can you grab more? And she was like, no, in fact, I want you to come watch me pour this bottle out. I was like, trying to say something. She's like, yeah, you got a fucking problem. And then he shook her like he was a baby that wouldn't quit crying. No, no. Then I went to the bathroom and beat my dick. Like it owed me money. But.
Speaker: Hey, you know, it's your, I wouldn't say that I do. I, I've ever been into like risky behaviors and shit like that, but destructive coping mechanisms and destructive tendencies, uh, after especially, especially after I got back from Afghanistan, completely true. And Jarvis, we know that he squeezes his snake a little too often. That's his detrimental quality.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: Because like I said, I've never been a soldier, never had some of the stuff that's happened to you, Connor, to Glick. But my trauma, I guess, comes from my father leaving when I was a baby. Well, that too. And from Minnesota, you know, fucking Vikings. Or when you put a Discord link in the fucking chat and it goes like, yeah, we can't do this. Fuck you.
Speaker: Um, but no, uh, God, I wish my wife was here with me talking about this, but, um, it fucks you up when you find out from your mother that all the people in your life, from the guy who you're calling your dad to your brother, they're all just characters, you know, um, that you were abandoned and that, uh,
Speaker: your real father didn't even give a shit enough to be there for birthdays. And when you played sports or, you know, when you learned how to walk, talk, falling down the steps. And it also sucks when that same person that you call mother beats your brother almost half to death and you come home from school and
Speaker: steam on the floor, blood coming out of his mouth and you're wondering what the fuck's going on. And then you call your mom, you call your mom, you call your aunt and you tell her you need to get my brother out of here. I think my mom's trying to kill him because my mom was very abusive to my brother. And then in middle school,
Speaker: She decided, well, I don't have another son to beat the shit out of. So I'll do it by this kid that already had so much shit happen to him. And you hope and pray that, you know, people that you can reach out to are there to help you. And no matter how many times you talk to someone about it and, you know, they say, well, Steven, maybe you did something wrong or, you know, maybe your mom didn't mean it.
Speaker: And then when you get people involved, then your mother has excuses to why it's happening. And that goes on until you're 17 years old when you finally decide that, you know, hey, I'm moving in with the guy that raised me as his son and I'm not coming back. And your mom just says, okay, cool.
Speaker: And then you start going through your head about how, you know, you're, you're supposed to grow up and how you're supposed to, you know, be some big tough guy and all that shit. Well, then every time you go out on a football field or a baseball field or whatever, just simple shit. And.
Speaker: Yeah, every time you get hit by something or you get tackled or something, you immediately go back to when your mother is literally putting your head into a fucking wall. And just saying that, you know, if you tell anyone, they're going to take you away and then I can't be your mother anymore. So no, honestly, it doesn't really sound like that bad of a threat.
Speaker: Yeah, at the end of the day, it's like he went through a lot of stuff. You know, when hot, when we first started that went early on, when the hospital on the show, he went through a lot of the similar stuff that, that you're talking about, you know, in, in, in, in much like we said then, and, and, you know, he said, the people around you that should have been there and it happens to way more kids than it should, you know, the people around them and the systems that are there in place to protect kids, they fail them.
Speaker: And then, you know, you grow up into an adult and you're left dealing with all that baggage and all those scars of that, of that, of that emotional trauma and not really knowing exactly how to deal with it. And, you know, I can, I can honestly say for me, you know, with, with all that shit with my parents, I don't know that I was ever
Speaker: Physically abused by them. I could have blocked it all out, but I don't think that I was Plus on the other hand, I was also as big as I was it right now at like 12 years old So, you know, it's like I could have very easily murdered my parents Like you could take a lot of abuse before it would be considered abuse Chris They would be like are you sure you didn't deserve it there big fella
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: There's signs of kids that are abused and they're not very hard to spot at the end of the day. Not to mention the fact that, I mean, if you're literally crying out for help at the end of the day, yes, the system is broken 100%. It really is. I've seen great parents lose their kids for no reason other than somebody just made up a story. And then you see these terrible parents who
Speaker: time after time after time, nothing happens. And then all of a sudden you're watching a fucking the news one day, are you reading the newspaper? Yes, Connor, I used to read the newspaper. And you're reading or you're watching a story. I mean, it happens today. You can get on the internet now and browse news story. You hear these God awful things, you know,
Speaker: Just watched the video today. This mom had been reported multiple times Finally the cops showed up for a wellness report or something like that. I don't know what it was and A drugger ass outside and went into the house. The house was fucking disgusting There were broaches everywhere and they found this little three -year -old baby girl That didn't weigh no more than 16 pounds and she was ate up by bug bites. She was laying on a
Speaker: match or be kind of match that was so disgustingly soiled by feces and urine and stuff like that. And they thought she was dead. And the poor little thing was barely breathing. And they were able to save her life. But it's like the system failed this little girl, man. And it wasn't until she almost lost her fucking life before she got the help that she needed. Well,
Speaker: not only that, but there was a big, big case of child abuse in White Bear Lake, Minnesota, long before I was born. But it was later made into a book and then a Lifetime movie called Child
Speaker: or a child lost. It was based on a story of Dennis Jurgens, who his mom was growing up in the system. And back in the day, if you had a kid while you're in that system, you had to sign your rights away. Well, she did. And then this kid was put into an adoptive home. And the mother
Speaker: that the family that adopted him, the father wasn't gonna do shit, so the mother pretty much ritualistically abused this boy. And like people can read a book called, A Child Called It by Dave Pilkey and his thing with what happened when he was abused as a kid. And literally the first time I ever read it, I literally puked right in the classroom.
Speaker: And so like when people are saying the system's broken or people weren't there, like my brother's dad, who I consider my dad, cause he took me in when I was a kid, um, I told him what was going on. And like he said, he's like, I can't do anything. You're, you're not, the courts won't side with me. And one day when my dad told me that I never told my dad this, but I literally had.
Speaker: rope in my hand, kind of twirling it. And when he said that, I hung up. And I just kept twirling that rope in my hand. Just wondering what I was gonna do with it. And like, you look back on it with like people that commit suicide and some people say, well, it's taken the easy way out or some shit like that. And it's like, is it really when you're in a situation where
Speaker: you're being beaten by your mother who's telling you that, hey, no one's coming to save you. You know, and if you tell anyone, then you're going to have to live with the guy that never wanted you in the first place as a father. We didn't know it. And that, but yet people will sit there when you're telling them this and say, yeah, but that was in the past. Like my mother -in -law literally told my wife one time because
Speaker: I don't talk. I don't like dealing with people. And so my mother -in -law, the genius that she is, decided to ask my wife before we were married at the time and said, why doesn't Stephen talk? I don't know what it is. He doesn't talk. And Dory, who just commented, knows what I'm talking about with this, is that
Speaker: Alyssa said, well, you know, he was abandoned when he was a child by his real father, you know, and he was abused by his mother. And her mother immediately said, yeah, but that was in the past. And when Alyssa told me this, I've never hit a woman in my life. My mother -in -law was that close. And like I told Alyssa, I said, if I would have ever heard that, she wouldn't have a mother.
Speaker: No, exactly. Well, and that's the thing, you know, more and more, you know, like you said, with the couple of books, the couple of books that you mentioned and stuff like that. And, you know, I don't think childhood trauma, childhood abuse, you know, whether it was mental abuse or physical abuse, the trauma that it leaves behind was really getting the attention that it deserved until
Speaker: And this is just my personal opinion on it. I don't want to say this is or it is or it isn't. But what I've seen in the last maybe five or six years or so, it's really starting to come to light. It's really starting to become a thing where people are actually looking at it as a real thing and a real problem as we become adults, as we grow up.
Speaker: I'm getting back into it, by the way, in April because I need it. Um, drugs and alcohol or. Probably a fucking report. Well, yeah, probably.
Speaker: I mean, my wife, when, when I had told her what we were going to talk about tonight, she's like, I wish I could be there with you. She's seen me like, like sleeping dead asleep. And all of a sudden it's just like my body starts shaking. I get up and then, or she'll like, kind of like put her arm around me and I'll be like, please don't hit me again. You know,
Speaker: Yeah, it never leaves. None of the trauma that we go through, like Connor telling a historian and Trevor's talking about what he went through. And like I said, I had a rough childhood. I didn't have the greatest parents in the world. I don't think that I was ever physically abused. At least I don't remember. I could have very well blocked it out. There was some, but it also was one of those things that
Speaker: with the temperament that I have and being very aggressive. And, and, you know, I, you know, I remember a time when I was younger that, you know, my mom used to use a wooden spoon or a belt. And there was a day where she went to hit me with a belt and I caught her wrist and I turned around and looked at her. Didn't say nothing. Didn't, didn't I just grabbed, I just caught her wrist. She was trying to hit me as I was walking by and I grabbed her wrist.
Speaker: And that was kind of the, you know, end all be all, you know, but I don't think there was any like actual, like full on, yeah. Beat downs or anything like that. You know, and it was kinda, you know, I don't think my dad and I ever really crossed that line. I, you know, I've, we've gotten very close a few times and.
Speaker: I flat out told him when we cross this line, you know, that'd be bad. And I'm not saying my dad's weak or anything like that. He's not a very big guy, but I'm not saying he's not. He's weak or anything like that, but he's got kind of the same temperament and that I have. And it can be, uh, very reckless, you know, be very aggressive and whatnot like that. But at the end of the day, it's like,
Speaker: had a lot of pent up rage and frustration. And that was kind of the basis of our last conversation. We almost crossed that line. And I haven't talked to them really since. But it was just a lot of other stuff that I went through as a kid growing up with my parents and whatnot.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, the physical scars are nothing like the emotional scars that we have and the emotional scars that we wear. I mean, they never heal. I mean, you know, I've said it before, it took me a while doing this streaming stuff and whatnot to kind of get over like this side of my face. It's different on the camera.
Speaker: Because my eyes a little wonky and I've got a scar down the side of my face and my eye just doesn't set right from something that happened. And I didn't like it, but it was one of those things that still bothers me today, the situation.
Speaker: you know, like I said, violent past, violent history and that's one of those things is that's a that's a that's a physical scar I wear but the emotional scars from it that I mean, **** I'd much rather have the the physical scars over over the emotional ones all day. Oh, definitely. And you know, like my shirt says here, my scars tell a story. They remember the times
Speaker: when life tried to break me but failed? Well, like Dory, who is Elf, I grew up with her. We went to the middle school together and graduated the same high school. I'm glad that she is back in my life, but, you know, she always used to say, you know, I'd see you in school sometimes, and it's just like you would
Speaker: didn't want to talk to anyone. It's like, well, fuck no. But who's going to believe you when you say, Oh yeah, you're, you go home and your mother just like that beats the shit out of you. And now, you know, if people ever see me around my mom, you know, I'm always telling her, I love her and all that shit, but it's just like, and they'll end people would be like, well, why do you say that? Even though you said what you said. And it's like, because after a while, you know, you're never going to get that apology. Like she's never going to apologize to my brother.
Speaker: for what she did to my brother. And she'll never apologize to me. But like, my dad always told me he's like, Steven, you know, damn well, if I could have done anything, he's like, I would have gotten you either like, with Keith. And I, I don't blame my dad. I blame more of Minnesota. Because just recently, now I it was on my phone, but someone in Lionel lakes, Minnesota, literally had drowned her own child
Speaker: in the fucking bathtub at a hotel. Yeah. You know, that's a, you know, you said that, you know, how you handle your mouth. There's a difference in forgiving and forgetting. You might be able to forgive somebody, but that doesn't mean you'll ever forget at the end of the day. You know, uh, that's, that's just the fact of life at the end of the day. That's just just life. It's, it is what it is. And you know, you can, you, you personally, and I, and I live this, you know, I, and I tried, uh,
Speaker: you know, I can try to forgive you and I can move on from it. At the end of the day, you're never going to forget. You know, he's saying what's on our situation. He can, it's kind of different, you know, it's not a physical person that he can forgive or whatever, but I guess you can kind of...
Speaker: Give the situation, but you're never going to forget it. It's one of those things that way, that way, heavy on your, on your mind. Yep. Exactly. Forgive, but because if you, you have to learn to forgive to get past these trials, it's like, I don't have anybody. Yeah. I mean, I can, I can learn to forgive my parents and whatever for, for whatever happened when I was younger.
Speaker: But, you know, the situations that really bother me, the situations and the trauma that I really live with on a day to day basis, and that I have to go through, you know, there's, I have to, the only person there to forgive is myself.
Speaker: And I'm sure she'll ain't never going to do that. And I try as much as I try. Don't get me wrong. I really do. I do try. Uh, you know, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's really hard to forgive yourself. And you know, especially when, you know, at the end of the day, it's, I was putting up situations that I was put in because I chose to be there. I chose to do the things I did and.
Speaker: Does it have to do with my past and the way I grew up? Did I have a lot of anger and a lot of frustration and a lot of rage built up? Absolutely. You know, punching somebody's head in, did it make me feel better in the moment? Yeah. And then I'd have to wake up the next morning and go. I'm not my hands broken. Yeah. My hands broken. And now some poor jackass got put in the hospital and I was always smart about it where it was like, I'm going to hurt you.
Speaker: but it's going to be your fault. Like you're going to swing first, you're going to push, you're going to, and then I'm going to be just in doing what I'm going to, but it's already in my mind that I'm going to fucking hurt you. And, you know, but, but I have to wake up in the morning and go, Jesus, my hands broken. My face is busted up. You know, I, you know, I got, you know, cuts or whatever, you know, maybe I have to care for my friend. Hey, that,
Speaker: that dude you got in a fight with, he went to the hospital, shit. Should I go check on him? Yeah, you probably shouldn't do that. Like, should I go apologize? Like, my bad dude. And that's where I live with a lot of the regret. And I struggle to forgive myself because I was a terrible person back then. But now I get to live with it and deal with it every single day. Well, and that's the thing, you know, when people say, oh, I know what you've been through, it's like,
Speaker: it's like no matter how many times someone says it it's like no one knows what Connor's been through except for Connor and you know exactly and like I always got a kick out of it when like again my mother -in -law was like well you know Steven why can't you confront your mom it's like well gee you know I never thought of that
Speaker: You know, it's never been like, you know, when you're drunk and you call your mom and go like, mom, you're such a, and you know, I hope if my mom's watching, you know, you really, very well.
Speaker: No. You're not supposed to call your mom when you're drunk and bored and lonely. You're supposed to call an ex. Well, hey, every time you call a stripper, you know, they want an ex stripper crying, you know? No. Yeah. Nobody knows unless they've been through it or been through a similar situation. I mean, you know, I can sit here and tell Connor all night, man, you know, I feel you. I understand. I, you know, I, I, I,
Speaker: I, because those are the words that you're supposed to say when you're talking to somebody who's going through it, you know, you, you go through that Rolodex of, of keywords and key phrases to try to make somebody feel better. I feel you, man. I understand. You know, I'm sorry that it happened to you. I wish it didn't, you know, but I, I, I get it. And, but I wasn't there. I don't know what it was like to feel a rocket, you know, outside of my building and literally feel the impact and kick me in the chest and knock me on the ground or, you know, like Jarvis.
Speaker: You know, I can say, as far as getting into fights and stuff, I know what it's like to have my head smashed into a wall, but I don't know what it's like to have my head smashed into a wall by one of my parents, you know, the people who are meant to protect you and be there to, to, to, to, to hide, to hide you away from all the evils in the world. When in reality, all the evil in the world, cause you're, you're a child.
Speaker: That's all you know is evil and sadness because it's in your house. The boogeyman that they tell you about isn't hiding in your closet. It's not hiding under your bed. It's literally sitting at the dining room table across from you as you eat, as you, as you eat dinner. Yeah.
Speaker: And then you got a stepfather that's wondering why you're going like this, shaking every time your mom's like, well, how was your day, Steven? And, oh, uh, Steve, you know, me and my son had such a wonderful day. And it's just like, you're sitting there wanting to just take that fucking knife sometimes and just go like, oh, really mom. But I'm really, that's murder. And it's not, it's not, but you have bodies in your basement, Steven. Oh, the only bodies in my basement are the ones that I've,
Speaker: are probably a me words the NSA is listening. Oh, fuck if they haven't got me for some of the shit I've said in group chat on fucking Xbox, the motherfuckers never get me. You know, we it's, you know, the downside is
Speaker: Can we heal from them? Absolutely. Connor, you're going to get to a point, you know, Connor, I think you're going to get to a point where you're, cause I was the same way. And I just now started getting to the point where I, I've been, I used to love going to concerts, man. I loved going to sporting events, but I got to a point where I couldn't do it. I hated big crowds.
Speaker: Um, I'm just now in the last, you know, a couple of years getting back to the point where I enjoy going to concerts, man. I look forward to going to sporting events. Is there still a little bit of uncertainty and edge? Absolutely. But each day gets better. You know what I mean? Like, um, finding that, that peace of mind, so to say, because I, you know, this is, this is new to me. This show is brand new to me. I've never been one.
Speaker: Uh, actually, hold that thought. I want to, I want to address some things. I'm about to go on a, on a, on a, on a tangent here. Uh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, Dory. It was, it was a lot better than mine, but you know, it was short, sweetened to the point. I didn't build it up. I was all excited. I thought he was going to tell us how he was like surrounded by a hundred Taliban.
Speaker: He was just him. His M sixteen 130 round magazine and his nine millimeter Beretta and then he rely on his bayonet and they found him and he was just under bodies of the Taliban and he was
Speaker: the the
Speaker: That would have ruined my ability to beat off for the rest of my life. Now it all comes to light, Connor. Now we understand why you cry, wank, cry. Now we know. Now we know the trauma.
Speaker: Well, people back then were probably wondering what he meant by CWC thinking it's like some cool catchphrase. Cry, wank, cry. And then there's people like me that's just like, no, it's crying while wanking at the same time. You're such a sick individual. Why are you doing this? Stop touching yourself. I can't.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: I am so sorry, people. I'll just fucking. Yeah. I'm so sorry. This is supposed to be such like a realistic show and it's. What do you feel like about Gibson sometimes or like in Glick's point, what would Chuck Norris doing this at fucking? Can we just go to break?
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: the the the the
Speaker: I don't think that people understand that, you know, we talk about, you know, our mental health and our mental wellbeing, you know, taking care of your body is just as much as important as taking care of your mind. Also taking care of your body is going to help you take care of your mind. I want you guys to check out our friends over at Liquid IV because they're all about proper hydration and we're not properly hydrated and that's going to lead to not taking proper care of your body at the end of the day. Did you know that one packet of Liquid IV at 16 ounces of water,
Speaker: It's going to have two times, going to hydrate you two times faster than water alone. Three times the electrolytes and those and five essential vitamins. Right. And not only that, but they've also got 16 awesome flavors. They do have a sugar free option and they've got five fun flavors for the kids. If you want to get liquid IV for your kids as well, whether you're going to the gym, going to music festival, going hiking, or you're working outside digging ditches.
Speaker: Liquid IV is your proper hydration destination. Head on over to liquidiv .com. Real people, real flavors, real hydrating. When you use our promo code, words are hard, at checkout, you're gonna get 20 % off your entire order. When you shop better hydration today at liquidiv .com, promo code, words are hard, 20 % off your entire or dare. Or do just do like Glick does and go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: I love that and despicable me when they're at the water cooler and the water does that. As always in the men's mental health show, I try to find songs that kind of correspond with the conversation, maybe kind of go with them a little bit. So I want to start off the break music tonight with the cover of Johnny Cash's
Speaker: It's a cover of Nine Inch Nails. It's a cover of a cover ladies and gentlemen. It's music inception. It's a cover of a cover but Johnny Cash is hurt and we'll be back here just a few minutes.
Speaker: I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real The needle tears a hole
Speaker: Your familiar stain Tried to kill it all away But I remember everything What have I become? My sweetest friend
Speaker: Everyone I know goes away in the end And you could have it all in my empire of dirt And I will let you down
Speaker: And I will make you hurt I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair
Speaker: Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time The feeling disappears You are someone else
Speaker: Whoops. Sorry. Welcome back to men came from it. Uh, my bad. Didn't mean to cut that off so short, but I did anyways. Welcome back to men caring for men. Got, uh, Jarvis in the building. Connor's hanging out. Connor's supposed to be kind of supposed to be driving this crazy train tonight, but I don't know where he is. I don't know. You guys know me. I'm click, but he's your.
Speaker: Monday night men's mental health or Monday night mental health, whatever you want to call it Show if you're not already go and check out all of our social medias Facebook Instagram X and tick tock
Speaker: We are also do the show Monday, seven, seven 30 ish on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitch. As you can listen to us anytime, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts at all at nonsensical nonsense. Yes. The show is called men came for men. Yes. You will find us all at nonsensical network or nonsensical nonsense or at bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. Why? Because the genius that I am, I have created a network and we have multiple shows men came for men kicking the week off on Mondays.
Speaker: Tuesday's is dollars and cents hosted by Jeff with Sam and Vera. It's a business show. Wednesday is the flagship show. Nonsensical nonsense. That's our just unhinged, unapologetic comedy based show. We have fun. That's shit to shit. Thursdays are nothing yet. I'm trying to get the guys in talking shit to slide into a lot. I don't know. They got their own agenda and their own plan.
Speaker: I will figure it out though. And then Fridays is Glick's house of music. So I'm playing my favorite songs, my favorite artists for the time being. Ultimately, we do want to get, uh, I don't know. What are you showing me? Use your words. I think he's talking to his dad. Oh, okay. I don't know. Maybe. Uh,
Speaker: But ultimately the goal is to get local bands, up -and -coming bands and unsigned artists on the show, have them interview or come on and let me interview them and play their music and hang out in chit -chat. Saturdays is nonsense, going nonsense again. But it's the Open Door Challenge. That's where we invite everybody and anybody who wants to come out and hang out with us to come up on the show.
Speaker: And then Sundays, there's nothing answered right now, but there might be a sports show. Maybe we'll slide in a Jarvis show on, on, on, on Sundays. Oh, mom, dad, same thing. Maybe we'll slide in a Jarvis show on Sundays. We'll figure it out. Eventually there will be seven days of content on the YouTube, at least on the YouTube channel.
Speaker: There will be seven days worth of content at least on the YouTube channel, including their own YouTube channel. Our guys are over talking shit, talking shit is spelled T or S H T T T Jarvis. You see them down there at the bottom. The Jarvis project problem, the Jarvis podcast. I see the real champ down at mine, but no, I'll change it. I'll change it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't cut me.
Speaker: Anyways, as I was saying Jarvis is now fired. He's no longer apart. So don't even worry about what he's doing or anything like that. No. Uh, the Jarvis podcast that'll be changed soon to the Jared. I'll be your podcast. Hey yo, hey yo, hey yo. I'm cast over here. Mom.
Speaker: fun to make a podcast just like mama used to make. So you know, as, as I was saying, right before we went to break, I got a couple tangents, I'm gonna go on here, so you guys are gonna have to excuse me. It's what I do. I go on tangents, I go on rants, and you know,
Speaker: Connor's supposed to be driving this bus tonight, but that's okay. Don't worry. I'm good at hosting. So, but, uh, so, you know, I was telling Connor, you know, don't, you know, down the road, it's going to get easier. The same thing goes for you Jarvis. You know, I don't know what kind of things trigger you or set you off or anything like that. You said you're quiet around people. You don't.
Speaker: You don't really talk a lot. And I used to be the same way, man. And it sucks for somebody like me and you guys are starting to get to see that. And you guys are starting to get to see that a little bit more and more. Uh, I think I, I think I'm going to say this right. I was very extroverted. Like I was very outgoing, always going out and having fun, going to concerts, going to sporting events, going to the bars, going to the clubs, going to parties, whatever the case may be.
Speaker: I was doing all that and all my friends just got Glick, you walk into a room and you just take her, you just, you just take over, man. You're a big presence. You're a big personality. You know, people, they, they, they gravitate towards you because you know, whatever. And I lost that side of me down the road dealing with, you know, quote unquote the trauma or, you know, maybe a borderline PTSD thing, not only that, but also dealing with,
Speaker: You know, a marriage that failed and just being so mentally broken by my ex -wife and I'm not talking bad about her or anything like that. It's just it is what it is. We both, you know, dropped the ball in that situation and neither one of us were. You can't put all the blame on one single person at the end of the day, but.
Speaker: I lost that part of me. I became very introverted. I just wanted to stay in. I didn't want to go out. I would just sit around the house on the weekends and feel sorry for myself and mope around and be a pathetic fucking shithead. That's why I got into streaming. That's why I was on Periscope. That's why I was on TikTok. But all I was doing was masking the reality of the world I was living in. I was so fucking broken and so gone.
Speaker: And I would get on there and it made me feel better. And I was drinking my ass off. I was coping with alcohol, which was not good at the end of the day, even though I say, oh, I only drank once a week. Maybe I might have a beer here or there if I go out to dinner or if we go out to dinner or if I am talking to my neighbor or something like that. I might have one or two beers during the week. But on Saturdays, I was drinking the equivalent of two weeks worth of beer in one night.
Speaker: Um, which was not good at the end of the day. No, um, can't catch a break. So, you know, that, that, that, that part of me was gone. And I honestly didn't think I would ever find him again. And even, and I'll be a hundred percent honest, when we first started this show, it was still a mask that I was putting on.
Speaker: doing this doing this show was a mask in in in in doing the show three nights a week gave me a break away from my personal reality, my personal health so to say um and it wasn't until in the last couple years last two years or so that it's really like I'm finding bits and pieces of that old me and that's what I said you will get better you're you're gonna heal at the end of the day things will get easier
Speaker: you know, you're, you'll start to see, you'll start to find those little pieces of, of, of your old self again, Connor, where he said you like to go, you know, where you can go to the grocery store. And just because some guy three aisles over is going, you're not freaking out. You know what I mean? It makes me angry too. It's just like people get too close. People ever get too close to you in the grocery store. They don't need any touchy.
Speaker: Just be too close to you and you just want to throw hands. It didn't matter where I was in public, you know, if, you know, and like you said earlier, Connor, you know, I'm the type of guy I'll be the first one to walk up and talk to a stranger. You know, I'll talk to my neighbors all day long. I'll talk to the people at work. I don't, I don't, I don't care, man. I, you know, but they got to a point where, and I said this before.
Speaker: Even with work and I dealt in customer service, it was literally in my head, a scripted, scripted routine. I'm going to say these things. This is what I'm going to say. This is how we're going to keep the conversation short and sweet. And when it does come to the friendly banter and the chitchat, I've already got pre -programmed things that I'm going to say. How's your kids? How's your wife? How's your husband? How's everybody doing? How's little Timmy doing in second grade? Oh man, Timmy made the soccer team. Congratulations, blah, blah. And that was it. There was no further discussion. I didn't want it.
Speaker: where when I first started working at Orkin, so to say, down in Charleston, man, I would hang out with the kids. I would play with the kids, talk to the mom, you know, the husband and wife, talk to my commercial customers, you know, the owners, the employees, you know, these are people that I literally took care of for almost 10 years. You know, I became a part of their lives and somewhere down the road in the middle, it just became,
Speaker: very robotic and very, very, just to the point. But then at the end, after my ex wife and I split, I started finding those little pieces of myself. I finally, I started coming out of my shell a little bit to it. I mean, these are people who I literally watched our kids grow, watch their business, watch somebody who started a business on them first day before they opened. I'm there taking care of their building and watch their build, watch their business flourish.
Speaker: you know, and you know, they became just as much a part of my life as I became a part of their life. So like I said, it does get easier. It does get better. I promise you that, uh, you know, it just takes time. You'll, you'll start to find those pieces of yourself again, both of you guys and anybody that's dealing with it or has gone through it. Uh, downside is, is there's no quick fix. Unfortunately there, there's no, you gotta,
Speaker: You got to go through the motions. You got to remember. And we say, and I think this is the great thing about this show, especially for the guys on the show, the guys who listened to the show, even the ladies that listened to the show or whatever. And that's why we encourage guys, if you want to come on the show, just hit us up on the social media and let us know. And we'll get you scheduled. Um, you know, we do want to do a vet show. Uh, we're going to do a collaboration, not no shit next Monday, guys. Next Monday. Oh, suit. Wow. Damn.
Speaker: Next Monday, we're partnering up with Mark and Brian from talking shit. We're going to do a little round table conversation about his mental health. Just kind of go just, just talk about anything and everything. But that's what we're doing. You know, we're, we're, we're all three men in here that are guilty of you've got me in my forties Connor or Jarvis in his thirties.
Speaker: And and conner in his 20s and we're all three guilty of bottling shit up and not talking about stuff this is huge for me because I Don't like to talk about things. I don't let too many people in Personally, I don't I don't talk to people When things are going shitty Because you know, I'm like and again, I guess you can say it's based off of past traumas or whatever Just don't think anybody's gonna fucking care who the fuck cares what I'm going through right now
Speaker: You know, so I'll just leave the bottle up and, you know, I'll, I'll drown it in some, some, some beer and it's all in a day. On any old bar school, as Jason Althene once said. You're right. Or, you know, like when you do talk to someone, it's like.
Speaker: Even though they're there, it's kind of like, well, why do they fucking care when I have to say, you know, or, or like what we were saying earlier, where we could be like, Hey, Connor, you know, even though I've never been in that situation, I know what you're going through and all that. And it's like, Connor's probably thinking, you little red headed fuck, you know nothing about what I go through.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: Some people have gone through what I've gone through and just like, whatever. And there are some people who came out of out the other side and don't know who they are anymore. And there are people who have been in worse situations who were perfectly fine. And my wife's been in some situations. She's handled it like a fucking champ. And it's everybody's unique. Everybody, everybody's different. Has she, though, Nikki, where you are?
Speaker: Yeah. I don't want to, I don't want to shrink your wife. God. That's the last thing I want to do is shrink your wife and all of a sudden I open that door and she has a complete and total freaking mental breakdown. This is like, Oh God. That's the word I, that story is the strongest person I know. Glick, you have mentally fucked. Congratulations.
Speaker: My brick wall that holds me afloat is now, has now sunk to the bottom. And she's the only thing that keeps me alive. She makes my dinner, she wipes my ass. She does everything for me. And now I have me off every now and then, where I don't have to do it anymore. Sorry, Nikki. Got it.
Speaker: the the the the the the the the
Speaker: You know, and it's like me with my wife, it's, I always tell her, it's like, I don't fucking deserve her. You guys heard what I live with yesterday. Remember, she was going to punch me in the face. She called me a whore.
Speaker: That's how you guys get frisky and all that shit we know the truth She she gives you a black eye and it's just like oh, that's dirty talk Do this the whole show what are you doing? Oh, I got pink eye Fucking he's got a fucking eye patch on Oh nothing. I just walked into the wall. He's walking behind him like
Speaker: Good choice of words. I walked into a bush again. And that's the thing. Connor, you just said everybody's story is different. Everybody's trauma is different at the end of the day. I mean, 100%, honestly, you got three guys in here and you got three different stories. You got a vet who's going through it and dealing with it. You got Jarvis down there who went through,
Speaker: It's click just tell it it's it's click You know, but you know, like I said, you know Jarvis went through his his his childhood trauma with with the child abuse and an abuse from his mom and And Connor, you know
Speaker: I mean, I don't even know how you do. Do you, do you consider it and do you call it? Cause I don't want to mislabel it or do you call it PTSD? I'm assuming. Yeah. Yeah. Cause that's what it is. But that's the official diagnosis is post -traumatic stress. So, you know, with his PTSD from, from being an Afghanistan being in the desert or whatever, and then dealing with what happened over there for him, you know, and I'm going through mine. And that's just me being very self destructive and being very, you know, being
Speaker: being a human being that was full of rage and anger and taking it out wherever I could on whoever I could. And I didn't like that person then. It's just who I was and who I became.
Speaker: Sure, so I don't like him today you know I look back and I and I think about some of the things that I didn't I'm fucking disgusted by myself because you know one of the things that You can joke joke around or whatever about it But one of the things that I pride myself on is that I've always been a big teddy bear No, I'm not you know buddy. Yeah Yeah, a very close friend of mine. She calls me Teddy
Speaker: Uh, because you know, from Sean Street, she was like, I don't care how big and scary you are. You're just a teddy bear. And, uh, you know, but we all, we, we all have a different story. We all have a past.
Speaker: We're all learning to deal with it as we go and everybody who's listening to this or everybody who hears this Don't ever don't ever discredit your your your past or your story Nobody can tell you what you went through or how bad it was for you personally You know your goldfish could have died. They could have fucking ruined you
Speaker: You could have bonded with that goldfish and flushing it down the toilet, just fucking obliterating you. We're literally talking about don't judge people for their stories. You know, you don't know how bad it is for them. And you said that and I immediately laughed. You know, you're being chased by your your psychotic brother that you hadn't seen for like 16 years. And, you know, some old doctor dudes trying to kill him and all that shit. I mean,
Speaker: the the
Speaker: Well, like I said, whatever, you know, whatever, whatever, whatever the situation is. It's so what if it's a choke collar, you fucker. I love you, Donner. Never, never change. Oh, look at the time. It's time for another break.
Speaker: Oh, look at that. I gotta go cry and wank again. Where'd that stool go? I swear we're serious people.
Speaker: we so so you know that brings up you know this this is how you know a lot of guys we we deal and we process trauma now we're like we were having serious conversations about you know serious situations but at the end of the day we we also like to make light of and we can joke you know and we can we can that's that's how we process and deal with things a lot of people do but i you know i i will say this men specifically
Speaker: I, and I've seen this firsthand and I, you know, I, this is me and I, you know, I know the guys in the room and I know the guys who are on the show, you know, who've been on the show on, on, on any of the other shows that we, that we do. I know them well enough to know that when it's a serious moment or we're dealing with, you know, stress or drama, or we're talking about the trauma and stuff like that, we cope with, with
Speaker: the the
Speaker: I have dealt with and been through and seen as most men of 25 and older, I've dealt with a lot of suicides. Sorry, my wife reminded me that my son's still in the room.
Speaker: make, I make jokes like that and make light of it, not because I don't, I'm not sensitive to it, but that it's, it's my way of coping. And if people look at me sideways, so, so sideways, because they're like, what is wrong with you? He's sick. Can we not let her hug him? She'll be fine. She's got to build up an immunity. She is one year old.
Speaker: the the the the
Speaker: Nothing to see here. It's fine. I need a well check. No, so, you know, I, you know, I joke around about it too. Because, you know, as I've talked about on this show, and as I've said before, you know, I'm a three -time survivor. I've attempted it three times personally. And.
Speaker: I'll be honest, I zoned
Speaker: I'm the only one who, I mean, in all honesty, you look back on it, it's kind of comical. Like, bro, how do you, how do you fuck up not once, not twice, but three times? And the first time, the first time, you know, like a fucking tree branch broke and fell on my head and I got concussed. I woke up in the middle of the fucking woods going,
Speaker: that didn't go according to plan. Not on the back of my fucking head, concussed as hell. I had to call my best friend and go, Hey, um, so funny story, uh, to him showing up to take me to the hospital and on the way to the hospital going, as soon as you're better from this concussion, I'm fucking you up. And I'm like,
Speaker: You can't, you can't beat me in a fight. I'm going to fuck you up. And as soon as I was all better for my concussion, he came over, walked in the door and rocked me right in the jaw. And I was like, yep, I deserve that. The second time, you know, a gun that I can't tell you how many times I fired multiple times, never had no problems. And, you know, when you, when you pull the trigger, all you hear is click and you're like, I know it's fucking loaded.
Speaker: I chambered it, you know? It was just like to go on, you know what? I'm going to take these and nobody's going to find me for like a week or two. It'll be fine. And waking up the next day with vomit everywhere and having to wash my sheets and just feeling like a complete pile of shit hung over and then, you know, just feeling stupid and then like looking at the mess I made because
Speaker: You know, so I, you know, I look at this white shit on the floor. Rub your nose in it. Rub your nose in it. We don't do that here. Be in the face with the rolled up newspaper. No, we go to the bathroom for that. It's it's just it's embarrassing but it's also like you fucking dummy like dude first and foremost really was it I mean all the shit you've been through bro and it was really that like it's conversation I have to have with myself in the mirror like
Speaker: Oh, the shit you've been through, bro. Everything you survived, everything you've done that nobody, that everybody said you wouldn't do. And this is what you're trying to do. And now look at you. You can't even fucking do that right, you big dummy.
Speaker: Well, I mean, it took me three times to learn. Yeah. The first two should have been, but I mean, he lives in Ohio. So, well, not only that, but it was just, you know, just, just so broken and so far gone and, and just get into those. And that's what it was. That was that last time was kind of that come to Jesus moment that I had where it was like, you know, for you, yeah, the pain and everything is gone. And, and, and,
Speaker: You don't have to worry about it anymore, but what you leave behind is going to be so much worse. And not to mention the fact the last time I did it, you know, I had all three of my kids and then not, and I had to wake up the, you know, I wake up the next morning and after I cleaned up my mess and feel sorry for myself and I go look at myself in the mirror and I go, I was going to put my kids through that. Like over what a failed marriage, you know, shitty job, you know,
Speaker: Whatever, you know all the things that were you the fact that you're you know The fact that you're a fat ass and I hated looking at myself in the mirror like all that all that that that really was worth what you were gonna put your kids through and That's what I was that kind of comes Jesus was like, you know, give a damn I can give a damn less with everybody else thinks but I can't do that to my kids and that's why I'm like I'll never get like never never once as a thought crossed my mind ever again And it never will but for as long as they're alive
Speaker: Hopefully I, hopefully they outlive me, you know, but yeah, no, but as long as they're here, never, never again. Plus it's just, it's not worth it at the end of the day, but now I can look back and laugh at myself and on myself. And that's, that's, people don't understand that that's a healthy coping mechanism. It's one of the healthier ones. People just look at you sideways when you do it.
Speaker: Well, yeah. And, you know, we're talking about making fun of morbid things. All right. Don't look at me. I'm not talking about drugs. I'm not talking about alcohol. I'm an amputee midgets. I'll see myself out. Okay. Well, we just got canceled. So, you know, on that note, bye.
Speaker: Finally cult of personality now kidding. Oh some time to put that radio college to work The fuck up Glick but Connor said it I don't care Glick laughed about it
Speaker: We're trying to be safe. For radio, I went to college with radio. Yeah. And plus, I didn't go to college to learn how to be on the radio. I went to college to talk about sports. On the radio. You went to college to learn how to talk about sports? Sports? Couldn't you just watch TV? I feel like it would have been cheaper. Jesus H. Christ. Yes, my child.
Speaker: I don't I don't remember sending you Glick you can't be the fucking pastor and we're not altar boys. Sorry, buddy. Where did you go Chris? I would be a father Father
Speaker: My god, yeah, we're So folks I got the body and blood of Christ for you My god Shit like unaliving ourselves. That's what's gonna get us fucked is so anyway Manner human too well
Speaker: what just happened is human as stupid as it just was and as crazy and ridiculous is the word I was going to use as ridiculous as that was that's that's just completely just
Speaker: I think he just got abducted by aliens. He's like, I'm getting the fuck out of here before I get cancer. NSA hacks my computer. They said no more. Yeah. Blipped right off the fucking map. So what were you going to say? No, we don't want them anymore. But as dumb as that was, that is a lot of men in particular coping mechanisms.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: the stuff that was really getting to you and that's bothering you for that week or for that month and everything that's going on. And then just making fun of yourself for it and being stupid about it and making light of the situation. Because if you, if you only ever talk about it, about it in all seriousness and just nothing but sad boy, then you just, you give it way too much power over you. A hundred, a hundred percent. I agree. And I think, you know,
Speaker: That's one of the ways that you can see on the show. When stuff starts to get real heavy, when the conversation starts to get very heavy, and we'll bring it right back around. You just got to give us a second to get our faculties about ourselves. But when it starts to get into a heavy conversation, we start to make jokes and we joke and we laugh. And then we come back to the conversation at hand. It is one hundred. The Catholic Church. Yeah.
Speaker: I've done that a lot and Christians. I love, I love picking on them, but, uh, we deserve it. Yeah. Um, you know, but you know, they say laughter is the best medicine and it really is. And, and, and doing the podcast itself, you know, when I was live streaming, actually, if you want to let me forget this, we're going to take a real quick break.
Speaker: so we can try to stay on time. I got to say, did you say take a break? Yeah. We're going to take a break and then we're going to come back and communicate. Let's go. He said the word. Perfect. Everybody's right. He said the wrong one.
Speaker: Um, you know, I want to come back and, and I, you know, on a lighter, on a lighter note, I want to, I want to, you know, as we're talking about trauma and talking about dealing with trauma and stuff like that. I, you know, I want to come back and I want to ask you guys, I'm going to put all of us on the spot. Uh, you know, uh, but, uh, I'll reveal that when we come back from break, but before we go to break, before we play the music, you guys, uh, you guys tired of energy drinks.
Speaker: And uh, hey, first and foremost, it tastes like ass. No, that's honestly what it tastes like. And they're stupid expensive. Well, not only that, but then they, you know, you drink one in an hour later, you're crashing and you need another one. And before you know it in an eight hour work day, you've had 47, 47 energy drinks.
Speaker: And you're all shaky and jittery and everything else. You're trying to fend off the crash. Well, I have the answer for you and our good friends at Dubby Energy. Dubby Energy, not only does it taste good, and it's not stupid expensive, but there's no jitters and there's no crash. So you're going to drink it. You're going to be energized. You're going to be focused. You're going to be ready for your day ahead of you. It's better than coffee. It's better than those overpriced energy drinks.
Speaker: So I challenge you guys to wage war on big energy drinks and join us here at the nonsensical network and go check out w .gg. Place your order today. Use our promo code words are hard at checkout. Enjoy them discounts and enjoy an energy drink that leaves you with no crash and no jitters and tastes good all in one. So, um,
Speaker: Go break. As I said, you know, I'm always over here, you know, playing around, thinking of songs and ideas. I have this gentleman with the cover of Papa Roach's Scars. It's Marcelo Carvalho. Carvalho.
Speaker: my bad Marcelo. I apologize. His name is Marcelo and it's on his it's on the video his his socials. So you guys can all go. Hey, click fucked up your last name. You should come kick his ass and then we can get him on the show on Friday nights for the music show. Anyways, this is his cover of Papa Roach's scars. We'll be back.
Speaker: I tear my heart open, I saw myself shut My weaknesses, did I care too much? And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open, just to fail Drunk and I'm feeling down, and I just wanna be alone
Speaker: I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home? Cause you channel all your pain And I cannot perfect yourself You're making me insane All I can say is
Speaker: I tear my heart open, I saw myself shut And my weaknesses, that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real
Speaker: I'd see my heart open Just to fail I'm drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone You shouldn't ever come around Why don't you just go home? Cause you're drowning in the water And I tried to grab your head I left my heart open But you didn't understand But you didn't understand
Speaker: I cannot perfect yourself but at least I can say I've tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life I cannot perfect yourself but at least I can say I've tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
Speaker: I'd sit my heart open, I've saw myself shut My weaknesses, did I care too much? And the scars remind us that the past is real I'd sit my heart open, just to feel
Speaker: Not a bad cover. This young man did a pretty good job. That was Papa Roach's scars covered by Marcelo. Hey, welcome back to men caring for men. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out. Hopefully you're enjoying the show tonight. A little bit more jokey joke and a little bit more laughter than you usually get on a Monday night, but that's okay. Things got pretty heavy and got, you know, so we, we reverted back to our, our ways.
Speaker: uh you know we were just talking about that right before we went to break you know one of those coping mechanisms is laughter and jokes and and and whatnot um but
Speaker: than the list we got the we got Jeremy she in the building my man Steven Jarvis is in the building a 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Speaker: Uh, and then you guys do me, you know, I'm like, I'm like, you know, hanging out here. We're doing this thing. It's, it's mental health Monday, men cam for men. We are your MCM men caring for men. We could be your man crush Monday too, but hell of a steal on that. Hashtag it's been carried for men. Hashtag MCM. If you're not already going to check out the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, X and tick tock.
Speaker: You can also watch us live every Monday, seven, seven 30 ish on YouTube, Twitch, and Facebook. And you can listen to us anytime, anyplace, wherever you listen to podcasts and all that nuts school nonsense. Or you can simply run your own over to bio .link right down there at the bottom of your screen. If you're watching this live or if you're watching the replay bio .link slash nonsense for nonsense.
Speaker: I have no idea. As I said earlier, we are part of the non -sensical network. Mondays is men caring for men. Tuesdays is dollars and cents hosted by Jeff with Sam and Vera. Tuesdays, that's Tuesday. Wednesday is non -sensical nonsense podcast, unhinged, unapologetic comedy based show where we're hanging out having a good time. Nothing on Thursdays right now. Fridays is Glick's house of music. It's all about the music. Just tune in and enjoy. You never know what I'm doing.
Speaker: Yes. The show has been caring for me, but it is part of the nonsensical network.
Speaker: And then Saturdays is again nonsensical nonsense. It is the open door challenge We drop the link in the chat and we say anybody who wants to come on this show Bring your asses up and let's hang out. Let's have fun This is either gonna be a terrible idea or it's gonna be fucking genius at the end of the day That is a nonsensical network. That's what's going on five of the seven days a week. We are open to fill all seven days eventually but
Speaker: There's only so many shows I can host and Jeff can't host any shows, even though he tries. Anyways, so today here, tonight we've been, tonight we've been talking about trauma. We've been, we've been talking about, uh, trauma and PTSD and, and, and, and childhood trauma and, and, and whatnot. Well, you know, the different types of traumas that are out there and everything like that. We have the three of us on here and Connor shared his stories.
Speaker: you know, PTSD being in the military and what kind of kind of broke him. Jarvis shared his past trauma, childhood trauma, childhood abuse, child abuse, you know, growing up dealing with that. And I've shared mine, you know, and mine was where it was out of Connor and Stephen's control.
Speaker: Yeah, probably part of mine was shitty parents and childhood, but a big part of mine is on me. It was my own doing. It was my own reckless nature and a way of coping with the past and dealing with things. I just became very violent and very angry and handled my rage differently. You got three different stories, three different mindsets and three different
Speaker: You know types of trauma at the end of the day or PTSD or you know Whatever however you want to label it or or you can look at us and judge us and say there's nothing wrong with any of us And we're making it all up until you walk I kind of hop in my shoes at this point
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: That was the good side of our trauma. Listen to the bad side. Time to talk about all the death and destruction. Let's talk about the really bad stuff. That was all the good. We got good news and bad news. Here's the good news. This is what the three of us have been through. Now let's get into the bad stuff. I'm already torn. You've heard the bad stuff. You've heard what Connor went through, what Jarvis went through.
Speaker: Obviously, I'm not really ready to open up that book of worms and really go into too much detail with my past or anything just yet. I've opened up to a couple people and they've kind of looked down on me and judged me. And as soon as I share that side, those people are no longer around. So I'm a little bit more hesitant. I'm safe to just say,
Speaker: a pretty violent history about my past and my rage and anger got the best of me, times that I should have. But on a good note, and as you guys have seen, you know, as things start to get heavy, we make a joke, we lack help, we might have a couple minutes here joking around having a good time. But I want to ask the guys, and I would like to give each one of you the opportunity to, you know, on an interrupted
Speaker: I want to ask you guys, and I'll start with Jarvis down there at the bottom, low man on the totem pole, put him on the spot. I want to ask you, what kind of things do you do? What kind of things do you do or what have you done that has helped you cope with the past, with the trauma?
Speaker: to help you get better. Where are you, you know, and where are you at today? Where are you at today with dealing with dealing with it? Um, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say, but you know, what are some coping mechanisms? What do you do to make yourself feel better? And how do you feel about today where you are? Uh, you know,
Speaker: like on a scale of one to ten, you know, and then you can kind of describe a little bit or, you know, you're still in a one where you're super fucked up or are you at a ten where you're like, hey, everything's all fine and hunky door. I'm just fucking normal, you know, which I don't think any of us are going to say a ten at the end of the day. And if one of you say a ten, I'm going to call you a fucking liar. Yeah, call it what you want. Doesn't make it untrue. We wouldn't be here on Monday nights doing this show.
Speaker: Well, you know, I, I, I go with the three B's booze, broads and blow jobs, you know, or below or whatever they call it. You just call us a broad. No, but no, no, I'm just joking. Sorry. A little bit of humor there.
Speaker: Um, no, uh, I go to therapy. I, I have a psychiatrist. Uh, I didn't talk about it a lot. So like, I know where Glick is coming from and I know where Connor is coming from where like you, people want you to open up, but then at the same time, when you start opening up, those same people just kind of go like,
Speaker: damn I just thought you were gonna talk about you stubbed your toe or you know your goldfish named Sparky died you know and that it was so traumatic that you never grew out of it but it's just it's one of those things where you know thank god for
Speaker: for people that, you know, work in the mental health profession, like therapists, guidance counselors, even psychiatrists. I mean, it's nice to know that there are people out there that won't judge you or be like, oh yeah, you know, this person's just faking it to get, you know, disability or whatever bullshit that other people think. And, you know,
Speaker: It wasn't easy opening up to my wife with a lot of shit that I had dealt with because, you know, I didn't want her to be like the numerous other women before that you open up to them and all the time it's like, Oh God, he's broken. You know, I don't want that. You know, I want the guy that's going to be able to make the six figure income and, you know, be a tough guy, you know, like Glick over there, you know, the real champ. Um, tough guy.
Speaker: But and you know, that's the thing like when I first met my wife if I if she ever Shows anyone those text messages. I will probably go into a dark corner of the basement and fucking cry in the fetal position Like I normally do but I'll just instead of shouting out Connor's name. I'll shout out Glick's name this time Whatever works, bro. Do you usually shout my name when you're in a basement? Yeah, it's more like Connor
Speaker: Let me out of here. It puts the ocean on its skin. I'd fuck me. It puts the belt around the waist, or else it gets the hose again.
Speaker: Um, but no, like in all seriousness, just talking about it seems to have been the best help for me because it's just, you know, yeah, some people aren't going to know. Like what we've all been through, but at the same time, there's going to be people out there that are like, you know, Hey, yeah, I haven't been through what you guys have been through, but you know what? I'm here for you. I'm, I want to hear what you got to say. And you know what? At the end of the day.
Speaker: I'm not going anywhere. And that, that's what got me to open up was that I finally had people that were there that were just like, you know what, Steven open up if you're ready. And then it's like word vomit. It just keeps coming out.
Speaker: the the the the
Speaker: Yeah, you're new to the Glick and Connor conversations. Trust me, it could be way more. It's that I will say that to anybody, including my parents. And that's gotten me in trouble. I would, if I'm going to rank where I am, like mentally, I'd probably say probably about a four.
Speaker: Because there's, there's times where you want to deal with it. And then when people are like, oh, okay, you know, let's talk about it. And then all of a sudden it's like, yeah, let's talk about something else. You know, let's talk about that God awful football team that the Minnesota Vikings are. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're all of a sudden out of it. So how about the Los Angeles Dodgers or the Dodgers? How about the Dodgers?
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: I've normally known Connor for a little bit. Yeah, I can agree. He's got no filter, but that's why I love him Trust me. I I don't have a filter either. However, I have a I have a slight delay button. However I was reading my mind And I was trying real hard and he just beat me to the plate How hard were you trying big boy, oh it was pretty hard you could have tried he could have tried way harder that was but weak sauce
Speaker: Why you beat me to the punch man you are you most most reviews? Not gonna lie, but people in the comments on this that from the replays are gonna be like Connor is such a better host than Glick ever will be What'd you say I said I said there's gonna be people in the comments are gonna be like wow for Connors first time hosting he actually does better than Glick I Haven't really been hosting
Speaker: the the
Speaker: You know, like you disappeared on us. You just left us hanging. I mean, I'm hearing excuses of why he wants to take the show over again as a host. I've never just left somebody hanging for 20 minutes. Yes. But as a host, you know, I've I've never just stepped away and been like, hey, yeah, by the way, you're hosting today. Yeah. At the beginning of a show, I mean, he gave you.
Speaker: You were the one that jumped into the Facebook chat was like, so by the way, this is what we're doing tonight. And this is what we're talking about. Well, because you and I had discussed it on Monday or Tuesday last week. He's just the third chair. We don't have to tell him. He's just got to follow the lead. Yeah. Well, I was making sure that Jarvis knew. I knew that you knew, but I was making sure Jarvis, Gervais knew. I didn't see Gervisi. I didn't see Gervais.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: in the kind of person and on, and on like a, I'm like a. Oh shit. Sorry. What are you going to do next? Break up with him over a text message. Connor wouldn't be the first person to do that. So it's not you. It's me. I would, I would never break up with you over text, Steven. Holy crap. So speaking of Connor, that brings us to you would have never dated you in the first place.
Speaker: I'm surprised a lot of women did. So that brings us to you, Connor. Same question. Same question. What are you doing coping? How are you coping? How are you dealing? Are you getting better? Are you feeling better? And where do you think you are on a scale of one to 10 these days? And how's your body feeling? Oh, we don't need to open that can of sardines. How's your wiener? About the size of a sardine. Ask him for a friend.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: But anyway, it's like the Bigfoot picture. It's all fucking out of focus. It looks huge when you put it next to a Tic Tac. It's a little smaller next to a mic and I, you know, I put a warning label beside it. Danger. Choking hazard. Is that why your wife's hands are so small and so it looks bigger?
Speaker: Actually, she's got a fairly decent sized hands, which is kind of depressing. It definitely doesn't look any bigger. Sorry. Anyways, sorry, Connor. The question at hand that you're trying to avoid is how are you doing? What are you doing to cope with it? How are you coping with it?
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no. First of all, I was not trying to avoid it Jarvis started making comments in the middle of me starting to talk about it So I couldn't stay on topic Jarvis shut the hell up by the way chum 2024 But anyway On a scale of one to ten I would say I usually range between a three and a six It's
Speaker: it's just it's a
Speaker: It's a constant battle. It's tough. You have to, I mean, and yes, I mean, I have a therapist, I go to therapy and I've been learning to work out my mind muscle and find some new stretches that help me and prevent injury to my brain muscle and figuring out ways to breathe through certain things. And it's tough. It's hard. Finding the right coping mechanism is
Speaker: one of the toughest parts of dealing with trauma. And like I said earlier, when I came back, I'm probably four or five weeks of just binge drinking. And can you have a what? It's time for bed, dude. It's 10 o 'clock at night.
Speaker: But it's tough. And I've said it in the past, and I obviously just said it. Your brain is a muscle. You need to take it to the gym and you need to work it out. You need to learn those new movements and get into a different lifestyle and a different routine. And for me, it's been trying to figure out sleep and trying to figure out how to handle everyday situations in grocery stores.
Speaker: you know, learning how to be okay with some of the things that startle me and not going ballistic. And it's a lot. So I've got days where I'm like a six, a five or a six, like I'm feeling all right, you know, I'll just throw it away and forget about it. And I have days where I'm like a two and it's all I can think about. And it's all that runs through my head and it controls my day completely.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: And I'm third wheeling this. You know, I have to, I have to be better about really questioning the reins. No, I agree a hundred percent. I, you know, I, you know, good on you. I'm both you guys for being able to do therapy and go to a therapist. You know, I would love to, but I have such a.
Speaker: strong stance on, and no shade to anybody who does, who does take meds or anything like that. I just, for me personally, I don't, I don't want to take meds. And the last two therapists I went to, you know, you get a couple of good sessions in three, four sessions in and then all of a sudden they're like, Oh, you know, I want to recommend you, you take a, this anti -depressant or this anxiety or
Speaker: Whatever pill and it's just not for me. It's not what I want. I want somebody that I can talk to I want somebody that I can be able to vent to And and and who's not gonna at least at least while I'm there and in my presence I'm not gonna feel like they're judging me or looking down on me or anything else So good on you guys for going to therapy, but I agree with Connor 100 % you you you want to You want to work out that that mental muscle?
Speaker: That your our brain our minds who you want to work it out You want to get it strong again because at the end of the day, that's what mental health boils down to when you reach a certain point Your muscle is it's like you've torn the muscle. You can't break a muscle but torn a muscle and Now you're repairing it now you're healing it, you know for me personally
Speaker: You know, I used to say, I do TikTok and I do Periscope. You know, I do the lives because that's a coping mechanism for me. It helps me heal. But at the end of the day, TikTok and Periscope was an enabler for me. It was a crutch. It wasn't until we started doing podcasts, and podcasting has really been great for me. It's been good for me even before this show.
Speaker: It's been a place where I can come and have fun and have a good time. And I don't worry about being judged. I don't worry about what people think. And I can just get little parts of me back at a little bit at a time. Now we started this show. This is, this is our eighth, eighth or ninth episode on this show. And this has been very therapeutic for me. Hi girls.
Speaker: This has been very therapeutic for me personally this is this is This is this is this is different for me because as I said, I'm not the type of person who opens up very easily the amount of people that I opened up to I can count on one hand and Of those people that I've opened up to over half of them have Used that against me in some way shape or form before this show
Speaker: and put me back into a place or a mindset of feeling some sort of way. Now, there are two people that I have opened up to, you know, Nikki and Jeff. And, you know, I don't open up to Nikki quite as much as I should. Maybe I don't open up to Jeff quite as much as I should. But I am able to talk to them and they don't they don't judge me or anything like that. But but doing the podcast has been great for me. I've started to find more and more of the old me.
Speaker: Um, as far as where I am mentally well, please gentlemen, these guys can't say it. Nobody else can say it, but I'm the champ and I can say whatever I want. I'm not a kid. I ain't nothing wrong with me. I'm like, I'm like a solid two to three most days. You know, I, I dance around in that, that five to six range, you know, more in all honesty, you know,
Speaker: I have my, I have my moments where I'm at like a one or two. I'll be right. I'll be 100 % honest with you. Right. Like right now I'm, I'm, I'm dancing with the devil, man. I'm between a one and a, uh, like I'm somewhere. I gotta be 100 % honest with you guys. I'm not like a one or a five most days. I did just, you just don't know, but I got so much going on right now and I, and I, and I'll talk about things down the road. I just want to get them out of the way before.
Speaker: I don't want to put myself in a in a shitty spot by bringing things up. But yeah, you know, I'll be 100 % else to you. I you know, it varies somewhere between the two and like a six. Some days I'm I'm riding high man. I'm riding high and I'm like a seven or eight man. Just feeling good. Loving life and everything else and then you hit that one hiccup that one speed bump in the road and it's it's a **** two.
Speaker: You know, there's, there's, that's the unfortunate thing with mental health and especially for men, you know, there, there is no, the downside is there's no, there's no way in between riding real high and you're feeling real good, or you're just bottom of the, you fell off that cliff and you're at the bottom of the mountain and it's very hard. However, for me.
Speaker: with everything, you know, with the kids and with Nikki and with where the shows are going now, it's a lot easier to come back from that one or two and get back up to that six or seven or eight or whatever than it used to be. You know what I mean? Because I can come on here when I'm having a bad day, especially if I've had a bad week, I can come on here on a Monday. And now that we have this environment with, you know,
Speaker: Connor and Steven and Brian when he's here, if we've had a bad week, we can come on here and we can talk about it. And yeah, we're putting it out there to the interwebs. We're putting it out there on the internet. We're putting it out there to the podcast world. And God knows how many people can hear and listen to us or whatever. But at the end of the day, we feel better because we've got our friends in here that allow us to talk about the things that are bothering us or
Speaker: talk about the things that we're going through. And, you know, you guys are not going to, I'm not judging you guys and you guys are judging me. You know, we might make a couple of wisecracks here and there. Shut up, Connor. You're still salty over Saturday night. Just because he messaged me before he messaged you. Listen, it's not my fault that you have to wait until the statute of limitation comes up before you can talk about it. I understand.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: Wouldn't own each other. I told you yesterday. I know. I'm just giving you shit. I'm just showing that Connor may or may not be a better host. I'm just saying. I'm not. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying no. I'm kidding. Blick. Blick has also had Chris. You got to remember you've had three. I'm not driving. Two years.
Speaker: You've had two or three years of hosting practice.
Speaker: I'm just I'm just a third wheel. I don't buy me. I I'm not a third wheel my ass you motherfucker stop me. You you you've had a lot of practice and and I I will be completely honest and uh humble about this. You do a really good job. You've had a lot of practice and it shows and uh I am very nervous to even try and live up to it. Uh so I'm I'm gonna be doing some some estudiante
Speaker: the the the the
Speaker: wean you in, ladies and gentlemen, and I've said it on a couple of shows, I'm gonna say it here. Ultimately, Michael and Connor, I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be a great. You know what, I think that's what I was just gonna say. You'd be a terrible host and you're a terrible human being, fuck you.
Speaker: See, I feel like that's, that's my favorite thing to do on here is just, you've done your best little buddy. Julia, I don't know your backhanded comments. You know what? She just reminded me something. I am the skipper to your Gilligan. You're right. Connor has no idea who that is. Gilligan's Island buddy. Tracking. I kind of picked that up from Gilligan.
Speaker: You're like the third Robin too. Like you're not even the original Robin. You're like the third Robin. Who me? I don't blame Connor. I don't blame Connor one bit. Who's hosting what now, bitch? I am the same guy who's been hosting everything. Oh, wait, nothing changes. Find a new replacement.
Speaker: Oh, I'll put Kevin Hawley in here. Hey, so I just recently started dating and, uh, but, um, no, Connor, you know, in all honesty, you know, I, you know, I do want to slowly start sliding you into the, the host role. And I think, I think you'll be great, man. I really do. I think you'll be great. And not only that, but I think it's going to, I think it's going to be good for you too. Um,
Speaker: you know, to take the reins and to host the show, I think it's going to be good for you mentally. Uh, I know we've had the conversations privately and we've had the conversations on here that you, you, you feel like, you know, you've kind of lost a part of you, you lost a purpose. And I think you would be a, actually, I don't think, I know you will be a great host of this show. I think you will do an amazing job and that's why I feel confident saying,
Speaker: my ultimate goal is to slide over into the co -host role and to slide you into the, into the host role role, because I have no doubt in my mind that you will be awesome. You know, I told you that before you ever even came on the show on a regular basis, when we talked about you being a part of the show, I, you know, I told you, I, there's no doubt in my mind that you're going to be an amazing addition to the show, not only on the show, but once you get everything,
Speaker: I know you're going through the process of coming back home and deal with, you know, adjusting into civilian life and adjusting with your medical stuff and everything like that. Now you guys are getting ready to move again. That's going to be another adjust. That's why I said everything is all about, you know, it's, it's a slow process. It's a slow burn, but once we get there, I have no doubt, I have no doubt in my life. You're going to kill it. You're going to kill it on the show as a, as a member of the shows.
Speaker: you're going to kill it as a host on hosting this show on Monday nights and I'm going to be right there buddy. First and foremost, I'm going to be right there. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right there. I got your back. How do I clip videos? It's just I I heard Chris say I have no I have no. I have no. I have no. How do I clip and edit and add sound?
Speaker: How do I splice videos together? This can't be that hard. I'm going to get Chris saying I have no dick on repeat. And I think it's going to be one of those things that's going to be good for you mentally as well. I think me stepping back and letting you jump in as the host, I think it's going to be very good for you. You know, it's going to be something that you're going to have to look forward to.
Speaker: feel like you have that, you know, it's not the same purpose you had when you were in the military. Uh, but it's going to give you that sense of belonging, sense of purpose or whatever. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't trust this. I wouldn't trust any of my shows to be hosted by anybody other than you. That says a lot cause judgment on the show for three years. I was about to say, you know, Jeff, no cafe.
Speaker: Yeah. I know. Jeff is terrible host. Have you watched dollars and said, no, I'm just kidding. From the first episode to the second episode. And I told Jeff, it was a 180. And you know, I, I'm like, dude, why were you fucking nervous, man? Like we've been doing a show for three years almost. And you were nervous and you were shook. He was like, it's not easy being a host bro. And I was like, really, really? Oh, it's not. Hey,
Speaker: I don't want to say anything but it's not all sunshine and **** roses over here, right? There's not unicorn sitting out rainbow ice cream for us to eat as a but no, no, Connor, I have full faith in you. I think you'll be amazing as a host and and again, I'm I'm not going anywhere. I'm still going to be on the show. So, I'm going to back you up 100%. Don't leave me, Chris. Can't lose another bearded man.
Speaker: one day I'm just going to be like deuces, fuck this man's mental health show. I'm a 10. Why do I deal with these losers? They're fucking broken. They're not even mentally stay out. You're bringing me down, bros. And that's my 13th reason. No, no, but that's the ultimate goal. And, and, and, and, you know, and you know, I understand you got a lot going on with the kids and learning how to be a stay at home wife. I mean, husband, um,
Speaker: We're supposed to be bringing people up not to make Connor feel bad for life choices. I'm taking rage quitting is going to be my new favorite thing. Connor's like, where's that wobbly stew and stolen belt at again? Mickey, I need my belt and wobbly stew. Stole. Why do I keep saying stool? Stool. Wobbly stool. Stool. Stool. I'm talking about poo.
Speaker: Alright, I've got my I've got my safe space bear. He's over there like petting its belly like I wish you were Buddha. No, put the iPad down. Kennedy said that you keep the bear. I'm taking the iPad. Yep. No, I you know.
Speaker: I'm glad that we can, uh, good evening, Mr. Bathurst. What's going on? Uh, now kidding, Michael. And I'm, uh, you know, I love doing this show with you guys. I, you know, I really do it. I'm, and I'm very appreciative of the fact that you guys are so willing to come on here and open up because, you know, Jeff has said it, Jeff said, I would never want to be a part of the Monday night show because I'm not going to open up.
Speaker: I got a Tommy. Yeah, I can't. It's like a Connor has a broken body still shows up pukes five times still does his job. Jeff gets a hangnail. Oh, can't show up. Sorry, bro. I got this. I was hungover. Chris would never be on this show.
Speaker: I'm not gonna have the conversations that you guys had.
Speaker: Yeah. What's a hanger, right? What are you talking about? Sorry, guys. I'm too drunk. Dude, you're 45. You know exactly what a hangover is. Don't you have to be sober to have a hangover? Wait, what? Yeah. Fair point. He's been an Affleck from the way back. Yeah, no, no. Like I said, I'm very appreciative. I'm very grateful for you guys coming on here and actually opening up. I really do. That means a lot. And I hope it encourages other men. Like I said, you know,
Speaker: part of doing this show is also being able to invite other guys on the show. If you want to come on the show, just hit us up on our social medias and let us know and we can schedule you for a Monday and definitely bring you up and have you be a part of the conversation and allow you to share whatever you want to share and talk about the thing. You know, if you want to be a part of the conversation, whatever the case may be, I would love to do it because at the end of the day, have you had dinner?
Speaker: I mean, it is men caring for men and it is all about men's mental health. You know, at the end of the day, it's mental health Monday. And that's what we're here for. We're here to, we're here, we're here to not only help, but to uplift and, and to, to, you know, as I said before, I want to take that negativity away from telling somebody to man up. I want to make it a positive thing like,
Speaker: I'm proud of both of you guys for manning up because the definition of manning up is to be courageous, to be brave, to do something that nobody else is willing to do. So coming on this show, we are all manning up, so to say. It's not a negative thing when I say, good job manning up guys, or man up, let's man up. And I'm not saying that, and I don't want it to be a negative. I want to take that negative
Speaker: that negative feeling or that negative sense when somebody says that away, I want to take it away. I want to eliminate it because we're telling other men to man up. We're banning up. I want other men to be brave, be courageous, do what we're not supposed to do at the end of the day. We're not supposed to talk about our feelings. We're not supposed to be vulnerable. We're not supposed to open up. And here we are every Monday telling our school
Speaker: Sharing our stories is personal. It's personal and it's opinionated. It's we're not gonna yeah I do want to you know, if we're covering a specific I want to have some facts some little odds and ends stuff like that But at the end of the day, it's all opinionated and it's all personal. It's very personal we're letting people inside into our worlds into our heads into and and and really just Here we are. We're fucking broken
Speaker: physically, mentally, we're fucking broken. But we're trying to be better. We've always got to throw physically in there. What's that got to do with me? What? This is a men's mental health show. Why do you always got to throw physically in there? OK, we get it. Connor is broken physically and mentally. You can just say you can just say mentally next time. This is men's mental. We're duct taping you and gorilla gluing you back together one piece at a time.
Speaker: There aren't enough screws, bolts, and super glue in the world to fix me. I was waiting for him to be like, we're rallying around you, Connor. Why don't you check in with Dr. Glick and let me get some duct tape and Gorilla glue and get you all situated. You'll be feeling right in his ring. Okay. Red, green, calm down. And there's also multi -colored duct tape so you can change your outfit.
Speaker: women can't find your hands and at least they can find you handy. But no, I, you know, I, it takes a lot. And, and, and tonight was, when Connor and I first talked about this, when Connor first, when Connor first brought up the topic of tonight trauma,
Speaker: I gotta be honest with you. I was not too keen on the idea just because I knew the conversation was going to go a direction that I didn't know if I was really ready for, uh, for me personally, great, great topic though. And, and again, I agree. I agree 100 % Connor with your therapist. We have to be able to talk about it. We have to, we have to talk about it to move on from it. At the end of the day, if you can't talk about it, you can.
Speaker: You're you're just it's it's it's never going to go away. Not that it will ever go away, but you know what I mean? Like it's I give it too much power. If it can control your words and your thoughts and your actions, you're giving it entirely too much power over your life. You need to be willing to speak about it, even if it's. And there are things that I I keep to myself or just between my wife and I and but you
Speaker: there are certain things that if you can't speak of it, if you can't, if it's got so much of a hold on you and your life that you can't even can't even bring it to word of mouth and use your, use your big boy words and say, Hey, will this happen? This is why I'm acting like this. And I don't know what to do about it. You're giving it too much control. And the reason that it's affecting you so much is because
Speaker: It's you're, you're giving it that power. You're giving it the power to do that to your life. 100%. Anyway, Kennedy's going to host the rest of the show. Damn time.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: I have a single thought. I finished my thought and then wait for either response, you know, a little bit of cohesion, some, some, some help somebody else to actually join in the fucking conversation. Cause I don't want to sit here and listen to myself fucking talk for three hours straight. That's why you'll never be the host. I am more the champ and I'm okay with not being the host and you're not the champ.
Speaker: the one
Speaker: Jarvis, is he going to know? Is there is there a lamp or are there only stairs? There are only stairs. It'll be like the fucking WrestleMania nine where fucking Hulk Hogan was supposed to get beat up by Papa Shango and fucking all of a sudden he runs out. So Sid Justice had to kick out. And then the warrior comes out to save Hogan. Yeah, I'm just like, turn around now, turn now.
Speaker: I'm just I'm not fucking bleeding out of every orifice in my body just fucking hit clinging on to life You two are the worst, you know, sometimes sometimes I you know, Connor I let you finish your thought and I'm like I'm gonna give Jarvis the opportunity to jump in so you're just gonna blunt you to point fingers and then he does it it's just like
Speaker: Well, now we have an awkward silence and I'm about to get yelled at because Connor's going to yell at me and be like, Oh, come on. Well, that's right. You're the host. And I'm the third leg in this scenario. You are not the third leg. Sell down there. What'd you say? I said, I said, sell down, co -host. I wasn't talking to guest.
Speaker: Jarvis, I know you're a man of many words, much like myself. Is there anything you want to add? I mean, anything you want to add? Anything you want to say? I mean, chime in, jump in, man. I try to do this as kind of a round table to understand, and this is why I have to step down as the host.
Speaker: push it on to Connor. Host, great him if you will. Bye Jarvis. Nevermind. So Connor. I was trying to wait until the perfect moment where he would like just about open his mouth. I mean, I mean, Kennedy said
Speaker: say my daughter's name again. Say it again. Say it again, bitch. Put some respect on her name. That's Princess Kennedy. That's Princess Pooh Bear right there. Princess Pooh Bear. She's so adorable. Princess Peach said a lot. And no, no. At what point did anybody say Peach? Peach. Nobody. It's Princess Kennedy, Princess Pooh Bear, Princess, beautiful, lovely, wonderful, greatest person on Earth.
Speaker: Yeah, but see, if I say those things, it's weird. You say it, you're like, OK, don't call somebody else. OK. Yes, if you're a strange man that they've never met, maybe you shouldn't call somebody else's baby girl. You're the one fucking telling me to say these names, and yet I'm over here going like wrong. Princess Pooh there is just her name. It's just her name. It wasn't weird when Chris said it. Yeah. Well, that's because it's not my fault you're a skinny redhead that makes me nervous. He's a bearded man. He's the camp for a reason. That's why it's not weird.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: talking about the same stuff. We joke a lot and that's just the way we deal with some stuff. I mean if you can't joke about yourself or you know be self -deprecating hi like I am then you know it it's it is what it is but you know I'm very glad even if you know I'm the guest or whatever you know just to break down barriers you know
Speaker: the only guest on this show that wasn't kicked off for a fucking err bounced for a puppet twice looking at you talking shit but you know I'm just I'm glad that you guys allow me to be a part of the discussion and you know first time our first time calling
Speaker: full -time listener, you know, uh, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my hands, but, you know, having, having a third person on here and not just being me and Chris, because we've, we've done it before on many and Monday night show and many a Wednesday night show when, when he didn't have a co -host, we, we just sit and we talk, we talk back and forth. And I'm sure that the listeners would just become irritated.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: Well, I don't know. I think he's going to pull it up because, you know, he is the champ and the host, you know, because he can't allow fucking one person five minutes of being the new host or stop, stop, stop. Stop. You're not fighting for me, Jarvis. You're making it worse. And if you keep doing it, you're going to end up here. All right. I mean, I already host my own show. It's not like it's that fucking hard. I mean, do you know?
Speaker: I mean, I fumble fuck around it. It's kind of like the Vikings, you know, the balls on the ground, you know, the Super Bowl is over here. They fumble on it. They try and pick up the ball and there's Cleveland over Cleveland in the end zone going like, well, I guess we just beat Minnesota for the Super Bowl. Don't worry about it, Connor. It's it's a it's big. I know it's a little bit higher pay grade. I know.
Speaker: Oh, I don't have just I don't have just banner. I was gonna put up. Let me explain why this is funny. It's funny because Cleveland and Minnesota won't win a Super Bowl. I think Minnesota will move from Minnesota before they win a Super Bowl.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: She's talking to her mom, not you Jarvis Hush. See, that's not weird. Now you say it's weird. It's still kind of weird. I'm going to look like he's just weird redhead guy that we. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be honest to be kind of weird if you said it. Yeah. And yeah, you're the one over there like, oh, I hear you say it. Just your body looking like a crooked redheaded penis and all, you know, it'd be kind of uncomfortable.
Speaker: So anyways, you can't drop it didn't have mental problems before he started hanging out with the nonsense.
Speaker: He comes to his therapist every Tuesday, crying. I went to a mental health podcast and all he did was shit on me for three hours. Oh, please, like, this is the only show where I get shit on for three to six hours a night. Jarvis was like, my life was perfect until I met those assholes on the nonsensical network. And now I'm fucking mad.
Speaker: But no, podcasting has helped in so many ways just to open up. Well, and that's what I told you, man. I told you that was last week, I think it was last Wednesday. For the first time, you were on it, and you were on as a guest. And we met through the StreamYard collaboration. And you came on here. Bye, Connor.
Speaker: You know, you came on here and you were, you were, you were very, very green. You know, even though you've been doing the podcasting for a while, I don't think you were used to the environment that you came into. You were very green. And since then you have grown, you've gotten a new level of confidence. You actually come in and you're a part of a show and you're not, you know, um,
Speaker: You know, you've talked about it. It has been said by other people that, you know, you would kind of come in and you would kind of come across as very angry, very, very agitated and whatnot. And that's kind of starting, that's going away. You're finding that confidence and that being on camera and being on mic and being a part of a conversation,
Speaker: You've gotten very good at it since the first time you were on as a guest. So, you know, I'm very proud of you for that. And that's what I said, you know, Connor's still green to this too. And he's still, but he's going to get there. He's going to get that confidence and he's going to be a competent and very good host of Monday night. Green is my favorite color. Oh, well, green is the color of men is a, is the men's mental health ribbon. That's why all is the loneliest color.
Speaker: Um, but, uh, nonetheless, you know, I am looking forward to next week. Um, next week's going to be a fun show. Uh, Mark and Brian of talking shit are going to be joining us. I think they're bringing a guest on with them. I know in the future, we have a vet show that, uh, we're going to do, um, Connor and Connor's gonna, uh, man, give me that bottle. Now she's looking for it.
Speaker: Yeah, just for you. Like she wasn't just trying to pour it on my computer. Go fetch. I wonder why I keep cutting out of this. Yeah. Uh, you know, we, we do have a vet show coming up. Uh, Connor's going to line up some of his buddies. We're going to try to get Brian to come on. I told Brian, you know, he'd like to bring any vets on to come on. Uh, I would like for Connor to host that show, but if he doesn't feel like he's ready to, I will step in and
Speaker: do the hosting, hosting role, you know, um, but that's going to be one show where I do try to stay as quiet as I possibly, not, not, I won't stay quiet, but you know, I want, I want the vets to talk and I want to, I want our veterans to talk about not only life in the military, but, uh, you know, merging into civilian life and what it's like to be back in civilian life and the, the progress and the transition and everything like that.
Speaker: Um, so I'm looking forward to that show. Connor, we actually do need to talk more seriously about that, about when we want to do that and when you might be able to line your guys up. Uh, but however, next Monday night I'm looking forward to.
Speaker: Mark and Brian from Talking Shit will be joining us. We'll round table conversation about men's mental health. I think they're going to bring a guest or two with them. If you guys know anybody else that wants to join us or anybody that's out there listening, if you would like to join us, let us know before next Monday so we can get the proper arrangements made to have you come on with us. Just go be a round table with men and we're just going to be talking all topics, whatever it is.
Speaker: Uh, just day to day life, you know, dealing with things, stresses, depression, anxiety, whatever the case may be. Um, but it's going to be a good show. It's going to be a fun collaboration. Um, looking forward to doing more of that down the road with other shows and stuff like that. Um, but, um, there's, there's, there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on on Monday nights now. Um, you know, this, this show is.
Speaker: taken has become its own. And it's gotten away from the nonsensical side of the network, I guess you could say the craziness, the people hate. So the part the people hate, I'm still here, assholes. But nonetheless, I've been joining the show and this show is helping me a lot. And I hope that not only is it helping me, but it's helping you guys. And I hope it's helping our listeners in some way, shape or form.
Speaker: hopefully, hopefully maybe giving you a little bit of, um, you're not going through this alone at the end of the day. We're almost together. Two people instead of five this week. If we do that for you, if we do that for you, then you're welcome. That habits die hard. I understand. So does Bruce Willis, but, uh, that's for another time. Right. Motherfucker.
Speaker: the
Speaker: You can't rage quit the whole show, Connor. Sure I can, watch. Connor's like, well, enjoy three hours of nothing but a fucking walkway. All of a sudden you see what Connor puts up fucking numbers on there, just goes five, four, three, two, just goes off.
Speaker: No, however, we wrapped his bad boy up. The people on the acts are going to be like, hey, did you guys see what happened to men caring for men? Is that show around anymore? No, they just moved it off. They have a universe. Yeah. Hi. Fucking Connor just nuked the whole damn show. No, however, I do. I do want to get ready to wrap this up. I know Connor's.
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: you don't do that'll do that'll do pig that'll do to infinity and beyond you can't fly she didn't laugh in the comments or in the words of those great little yellow fellas banana banana
Speaker: Um, no, I do. I do appreciate you guys being here. Appreciate all you guys listening and hopefully you guys enjoyed the show tonight. Uh, you know, we, we, we did have a lot more moments of quote unquote funny, at least funny to us. Um, but I think it's not funny to anyone else. Yeah. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe, maybe not, but it did. It got pretty tense. I could see it in the guys. I could hear it in their voices. I can hear it in mine. Um, so we needed those light moments and just know just.
Speaker: It's okay. It's okay to joke. It's okay to laugh. You know, you can be serious all day long and it's okay to laugh and joke. It's okay to take a time out from a serious moment at the end of the day. And we're going to, and we do do that a lot on here and we're going to do it a lot more. I promise you that as the conversations develop and the conversations go and, and we talk about things and, and, and, and whatever the case may be. Um, but it's okay to laugh. It's okay to joke. It's part of healing. It's part of growing.
Speaker: Um, do appreciate y 'all listening. June in next Tuesday or next Tuesday, next Monday, June in next Monday for men caring for men collaboration with talking shit.
Speaker: Mark and Brian will be joining us on the show here. And, uh, you know, we'll be having our conversations and our discussions as far as the rest of the week goes. Don't forget tomorrow night, 7 PM is dollars and cents with Jeff, Sam, and there. Uh, Wednesday is nonsensical nonsense. Friday is clicks house of music. I have a new subject, a new, uh,
Speaker: a new genre, a new a new a new little gimmick that I want to I want to play with. That's going to get me in trouble. Can I be gimmick? You can be gimmick any day of the week, big boy. A new subject, I guess I don't work a new subject for Friday night and then Saturday night. Don't forget.
Speaker: It's the, it's, it's, it's the week ending extravaganza with nonsensical nonsense. It's an open door challenge. The door is wide open for anybody who wants to join us and come hang out. Go give us a follow on all the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, X and tiktok. Don't forget about YouTube Twitch, where you can find all the shows live and you can listen to us anywhere. He listened to podcasts anytime all at nonsensical nonsense.
Speaker: or simply head on over to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. If you're watching live or you're watching the replay, it's right down there at the bottom of the screen. Links to all of our social media, including our sponsors are there. Don't forget when you check out our sponsors, use our promo code words are hard at checkout. Get those discounts, get those savings. Cause who doesn't like a discount in the savings?
Speaker: And with that being said, before we end the night and before I play the music, speaking of our sponsors, good to check out our good friends over at Zincaster .com. Whether you are thinking about starting a podcast or you're already in the podcasting, broadcasting, or stream our world, go ahead and check out Zincaster. You're all in one podcasting, streaming, broadcasting network in all our place. It's super easy to use. Simply run on over there, create an account. When you create an account,
Speaker: If you go with the paid plan, use our promo code words are hard. You're going to get 30 % off. Zincaster is going to make you look and sound your best. Super easy to use. There's really not much else to say. Plus at the end of the day, their number one goal is growth. They want to help you grow. They don't care how big or small you are. They want to help you grow. They want to help you get ears and eyes on what you're doing or what you're on your content and everything else. We've been over there now for a little while and, and,
Speaker: Proof is in the pudding at the end of the day. The numbers don't lie. They've done a hell of a job with us. They've helped us grow. They've helped us monetize. So what else can you say? Head on over to zincaster .com slash pricing. Use our promo code. Words are hard. You're going to get 30 % off your first month's paid plan. Well, that being said, I'm going to play some music. Gentlemen, if you be so kind, stick around and drop us with the words of wisdom, a quote.
Speaker: whatever you'd like to leave the final thought like Jerry Springer once said he had a final thought and he always said love each other bang your sister bang a tranny and don't get beat up by my bodyguard Steve Wilkos Alabama Roll Tide Brothers. We are Marshall.
Speaker: Anyways, last song of the night is Shine Down with Save Me. I love this fucking song and anybody who's going through mental health issues, dealing with mental health issues, been through it, seen it, done it, whatever, this song will scream at you. You know, you're sober, you're clean, whatever the case may be, this song will absolutely scream at you. So bear with us. We'll be right back for our final thoughts, words of wisdom and quote of the nights.
Speaker: And I've got a spoon. I live in a hallway with no doors and no rooms. Under the windowsill, they all were found.
Speaker: And what went wrong Couldn't handle forgiveness
Speaker: Oh, shine down with save me. Well, that song. Great song. Gentlemen, before we wrap up. Jerry V. She. Any final thoughts? Words of wisdom. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm trying to do a podcast over here. I'm trying to do my final thoughts, man. I'm trying to get some words of wisdom, man. Any final thoughts, words of wisdom, or a quote to leave people with?
Speaker: If you ever want to do a podcast, do everything that we don't do. Could you try to make it relate to what the show we just did? Oh, um, it's okay to talk, even if you have to deal with Glick as a host. No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We have a private conversation about cherries. Okay. Okay. Okay. I got it.
Speaker: I don't care. I'm done. Are you arguing? Do you have a stroke? Hold on a second, Jarvis. We're going to rewind the show.
Speaker: That was me and Coach. I know the pressure's a lot, but it's only psychological. That was Shine Down with Save Me. Great song. Definitely when it comes to mental health. It's a fantastic song. We're going to wrap the show up tonight with final thoughts, words of wisms, or any final quotes. Jarvis, would you like to go first? Do you have any final thoughts, words of wisdom, and or quotes that you would like to leave our audience with pertaining to the show tonight?
Speaker: Yes, I would, Glick. Thank you for offering. I just want to say that, you know what? We're all in it together. And if you don't believe in that, go fuck yourself, San Diego. I'm Steven Jarvis. Hey, don't steal my line. Fuck your line. Connor. It's so hard coming up with quotes all the time. Steven, it's not that hard. Shut up, Connor. OK, we get it. This magical thing.
Speaker: I know Chris has figured it out despite the fact that, you know, that came out three centuries after he was born. And somehow you're still struggling. At least I can admit it. Words of, words of wisdom for tonight. What happened to you doesn't define you.
Speaker: It's just another stepping stone in your life whether that stepping stone is broken and cut the shit out of your ankle and fucked you up It doesn't matter as long as you keep moving forward and I said it last week Then I'll say it again. It's it's okay to not be okay. It's not okay to give up. It's not okay to quit It's not okay to throw on the towel you're you're worth way more than you give yourself credit for and
Speaker: and in your past is not going to define you if you don't let it and just don't give it that power don't give it so much power it's it's just a thing it's just a thing those are my words of wisdom chris you got any good words of wisdom fruit for the end of the show here tonight that pertain to the show and not steven jerevis you looking like a red -headed crooked cock well i i i think so
Speaker: Because technically, I guess I still am the host. I like to hear myself talk. But no, so you know, when we do these shows, I'm always just just a little bit, I might be a bit of an ego maniac. No, we do these shows and we come up with topics, you know, I'm already I mean, I say what I want to say. So I'm always looking for other quotes, other people's quotes and stuff that kind of inspire me and kind of
Speaker: hit me a certain type of way, especially when it comes to the topic of conversation. And I found this one earlier today after Connor sent the message in our group chat. And it speaks volumes, and especially because we kind of had this conversation about it. It's not so much a quote, just kind of like something to put in your head and think about. And it says, oh, please, it wasn't that bad. Actually, yes, it was. It was pretty traumatizing for me.
Speaker: when no one else gets to decide what is traumatic and what is not traumatic for you. So nobody can tell you at the end of the day, your trauma, they can't devalue your trauma or tell you it's not real because it was real to you at the end of the day. Also,
Speaker: I got a couple here. I'm just going to find them. This one speaks so much volume because again, it was said earlier, nobody's going to walk in your shoes and deal with what you went through. To live in the body of a survivor is to never be able to leave the scene of the crime. I cannot ignore the fact that I live here.
Speaker: That was a good one. That was tough. And last but not least, your trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. It is up to you to heal. It is up to you to be better. It is up to you to grow. It is up to you to be stronger. It is up to you to take your mind to the gym and get that muscle strong again. As Connor said earlier, that's all I got to say with that being said, thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out. Hopefully you enjoyed the show.
Speaker: Okay. My friend says Boo Blair. And like I said, gentlemen, if you're out there and you're listening and you're watching and you're hearing and you want to come on the show and you want to be a part of the show, do not hesitate to reach out to us on any of the social media and we'll make it happen. We will see you next Monday night with a brand new episode of Men Caring for Men. It's going to be a good one. It's going to be a collaboration with our guys, Mark and Brian from Talking Shit.
Speaker: talking shit sh t t t checking out on all social media three t's sh t t t check them out on all social media give the guys some love give them a follow and uh don't forget to tune in for Thursday night Thursday night they are doing their open mic hotling something or another but they're gonna basically do like we do on Saturday nights and they're gonna drop a link in the chat and
Speaker: with their friends, viewers who join in. I'm going to try to be there to support the guys and encourage the guys. And I strongly encourage everybody who listens to us, watches our show to be there, whether you're in the chatters box or you decide to pop up on the show. Let's show the guys some love. Let's support the guys and let's give them something to keep them murdered.
Speaker: I know it's not something that they necessarily want to do because they've said it before. It wasn't a very good success, but I want us to all be there to support and encourage the guys and go on with that. I should stop talking and guys. My bridges. Gentlemen, I will probably see you Wednesday night. If I don't see you before that, I'll see you Saturday and if I don't see you on Saturday, I'll see you Monday.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: that's where one of my favorite shows is based out of
