Transcript
Speaker: you
Speaker: There's still a little whiskey left in the bottle. You know it's good for you now, but it won't be easy tomorrow. And what kind of man would I be if I
Speaker: Just no girl when I leave it Baby I told you Why can't it just stay the same? After this it's all gonna change Oh right now darling The morning's closing in fast
Speaker: The best thing about this feeling is it won't
Speaker: Can you feel our silence As we stare at each other? I know we've both had too much But I could do with another And darling I'll stay As long as you let me
Speaker: But you know I gotta go So just try to forget me And why can't it just stay the same? And after this it's all gonna change Oh and now darling the morning's cold
Speaker: The first thing about this feeling isn't one last
Speaker: And why can't it just stay the same? And after this it's all gonna change Oh, and now, darling, the morning's closing in fast
Speaker: Like I said, last night when we started drinking, you know, I haven't seen Frank in like two years or something like that. And he, he called me like a week ago and he's like, Hey dude, I'm coming down. I'm like, cool. And he was like, I will get some drinks and stuff. We'll hang out at your pool. I'm an excellent.
Speaker: So when we went and picked up, and as I've stated multiple times on the podcast before, I'm not, you give me beer, I'm good all night, you know? And he's got like two bottles that are like 350 milliliters of rum, Havana club seven or whatever. And he's got a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne. And I'm like, what the fuck am I going to drink?
Speaker: It's the weirdest combination I just closed my eyes and grabbed a bunch of bottles Well, but what was weird is when we're we're in the liquor store picking this stuff up. He's he's literally Analyzing the bottles like talking to the attendant going. Yeah, I don't want something too fruity I want some little bit sweet and I'm like, it's wine. It's of course fruity
Speaker: You got to be a fruit to drink it. But he's like, well, I want something for your, your wife to drink. And I'm like, my wife doesn't drink, dude. But after we've polished off a bottle of rum between the two of us through rum and Cokes, by the time we hit the champagne, I was three sheets to the wind and it didn't take as long to finish off the champagne.
Speaker: And then we got onto the wine. By the time we got the wine, I was like, whatever, just give it here. I need another drink. Yeah, that happens. So, uh, you know, jumping in, just joining the conversation. Welcome everybody to, uh, nonsensical nonsense. As always, I'm Glick hanging out with this drunk guy over here. Jeff. Once in a blue moon drunk.
Speaker: who apparently decided to get drunk last night. Hence the reason we got a little, uh, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday action action. It's one of those weird things. It's well, like I said, he called me a week ago, said I'm coming. And then three days ago said, Hey, don't forget I'm coming.
Speaker: And I forgot. At that point where he said he was covered down, you should have started drinking, not necessarily heavily, but you should have started drinking a little bit every night. Get my tolerance up. Yeah. Because you said that he was going to come down and he wanted to have a few drinks and there's no such thing as, Oh, I'm on vacation. I'm going to go see my buddy and I'm only going to have one or two drinks. I'm going to see my buddy and we're going to get fucking rich.
Speaker: Well, that's one of the things he got to the house and, and I was, I was, uh, I was building something when he got here and I, so he helped me clean up real quick and, and we are cleaning up my wife.
Speaker: there in the room and she's like, so what are you guys going to do? And I said, tonight we're getting fucked up. She's like, nice. Cause she, uh, that's, that's a little cat Williams. He talks about, you know, drinking with white people. And he says, white people don't care what they drink. There's
Speaker: As long as you pour the drinks, they don't care. They'll drink it. As in this is unleaded shit. That's spicy little motherfucker. He says white people don't care what they drink. They kid. The only thing they, they care about is what they said before they left the house is tonight we're getting fucked up. So that's what we said. That's, that's, that's mostly true. I mean, most white people don't care about what, especially, especially if you get somebody, you know, like me, I'll get, I'll get.
Speaker: 10, 12 beers in and in a game on, what do we know? Well, like, I don't care what, you know, the champagne he got, the champagne he got was actually pretty good. And I'm not a, you know, I, I, as stated many times before, uh, you give me beer, I'm golden. But, uh,
Speaker: And rum and coke, I can deal with, you know, no big deal, but he was pouring the drinks. He, you know, we were in the pool hanging out and the kids are swimming in the pool and, and he, every once in a while he'd be like, you need a refill? And I'm like, I guess. And he'd get up and, and it was my mistake letting him pour because he's drinks more than I do, which is everybody else on the planet. And.
Speaker: The man seriously got a heavy poor hand and like three cubes of ice, three cubes of ice, two drops of Coke and rum. You know, I was like, whoa. That's the other thing. My ex -wife was like that. I've never been a heavy poor. I'm one of the guy, I'm a tight person. If I'm going to make a drink, I'm going to put, depending upon the size of the glass, I'm going to put two to three shots in it.
Speaker: If it's a, well, I guess even a heavy poor, but I'm also the guy where I'm not going to mix somebody's drinks heavy because I don't know how they drink or exactly. So I'll go to put in a second shot. Say if I've got like, like I've got some big mug that I'll make string from time to time, like 24 ounce mugs. So I put two shots in for that when I make a drink in there.
Speaker: Well, uh, when somebody else, then I'll be like that second shot. I'll be like, man, I'll do one is what they think. And then I'll take the other one. Yeah. That'd be at the very least. Uh, I always say, you know, they can add more. They can't take out what you put in. So, but like, you should be conscious, conscious of your surroundings. No, in other words, don't drink above your level because not everybody.
Speaker: You know, not everybody can drink. If I'm mixing drinks, not everybody can drink. Very few people can drink like me. Yeah. Well, but fortunately, even when I make my own drinks, I hate the taste of alcohol, like that, that, that kick and you're like, fucking hell. So, uh, I used to drink a lot of white Russians, whereas Kalua milk and vodka, and it would, I would go, you know, a quarter glass of milk.
Speaker: half a glass of vodka and like three times, or half a glass of Kahlua and like a quarter shot of vodka. That way I can literally drink all night and just get a nice buzz going, but look like I'm fucked up. Like four drops of vodka. I mean, at that point, why are you, you're going to get sick because you drank milk and Kahlua. No, I mean, it was enough. It was enough alcohol. There was an obvious exaggerating.
Speaker: I was, I was, I would have just enough vodka in it where I would get a good buzz going on, but I wouldn't get, I wouldn't get that, you know, when you first take a drink of hard alcohol, you're like, fuck, you know, to the point where I cannot even smell.
Speaker: Jose Cuervo tequila anymore. It makes me sick. But tequila is disgusted in general. Yeah. See, a couple weeks back when I was when I was super sick, and I decided that night I was going to drink vodka to kick it. Which is always a good idea. That's what I do if I get sick and I've taken medicine and I've rested and it's just not going away after a couple days. I just get into the liquor. Usually I get into whiskey, but I didn't have any whiskey. So I was like, I'm gonna drink this pocket.
Speaker: Well, I couldn't, I couldn't find my shot glass. So I was just like, yeah, that looks like a bottle. And that's, that's how I drank an entire bottle. You count to 10, one, two, oh, maybe I should count faster. One, two, three. Oh, I lost count. One, two. I better start again. So I would wind up with like, and I was using my big bug. So I would wind up with damn near half a glass of vodka and the rest was just like,
Speaker: How do I drink all this vodka? Yeah. No, it was, it was. I didn't wake up the next day feeling better. That's the positive there. But at one point my wife and her friend was here and she says, will you guys run to the store and get us candy bars? We want, we want something sweet. And.
Speaker: I went to grab my keys and I slightly stumbled and she's like, yeah, you guys aren't going. I said, that's probably a good idea. She's like, yeah, we'll just deal with that. So her friend literally ordered a cake from Uber. They're like, we'll just order some cake. Well, I was going to ask you last night, but.
Speaker: I was, I was going to ask you last night because when you were, when you were, uh, drunk messaging, nothing, nothing, nothing bad. I want you. I miss you. I miss you. I wish I was there. Nothing, nothing like that.
Speaker: because I would have started this, this, this whole thing off breaking your balls. But at what you're like, you're like, I'm so, and you were talking to, you were talking in third person. You're like, Jeff is. Oh yeah. Jeff is like fucking wrong. And it was like, you were like, uh, thank you, Leslie. I was commentating. You were like, Jeff.
Speaker: supposed to go to bed but your wife's here and I was like, Why can't you go to bed because her wife is here? Oh, no, it was it was what happened was is after a while, we got Frank Frank a cab and it was like, I'm not sure what time it was. It was late. And my wife friend was still here. And they were both passed out on the couch.
Speaker: Now, if my wife's passed out, I'm not going to go upstairs to the bedroom by myself. I'll literally sit down on the couch next to her and just go to sleep. Well, with both of them passed out, I could not do that. So I was like, well, I'm going to sleep on the floor. And I went to lay down on the floor and her friend woke up because I had to move the fan to get past it to put, put the two liter of Coke back in the fridge.
Speaker: And I bumped her foot and she woke up and she's like, oh, you should probably get a cab. And I'm like, you think I want to go to bed. She's sitting there trying to message the cab and she's falling back asleep. And I'm like, clearing my throat as loud as possible and exert this door sticks. I'm going to slam it like 40 times.
Speaker: Yeah, I was making them know they were they were sober but you know they her friend got got here to the house at like eight o 'clock. And it wasn't it wasn't super late last night when you were when you were messaging me. I almost I almost told you hey, let's go live. I literally thought about it. I literally thought about it because it was like, yeah,
Speaker: I was actually just going to do a live Frank and Jeff drinking kind of thing on HAPS. Just kind of see what happened, but I opted out of it. Cause I was like, no, that's a bad idea. Yeah. Like I said, I thought about just going like, Hey, let's, let's go live. Let's rock this motherfucker.
Speaker: It did cross my mind, but I changed my mind about halfway through the thought and I was like, no, that's a bad idea. Cause I'll say something stupid. I'll get us canceled before we start. Nah, but we haven't been canceled. We haven't been canceled yet. Well, Frank was telling me stories of, he, he travels all over the world for business.
Speaker: He actually owns, he owns a, uh, he, he's starting up a website and he, the, the people that build his website are in India because he gets it done for like pennies on the dollar. And he went to India to go meet up with, you know, do final discussions and stuff. And he said, he rented a, a tuck tuck driver. The tuck tuck is basically a three wheeled car with a motorcycle on the front, you know?
Speaker: And he said it was $8 for the entire day. And the guy was getting mad at him because Frank was like, you want something to eat? You want a Gatorade or something? Frank kept buying him lunch and breakfast and dinner and stuff. And this guy's going, no, no, no, it was way too much, way too much. And Frank's like, what are you talking about? I'm giving you eight bucks for the day. Come on, man. You know?
Speaker: But the funniest story he told me. I don't know. Yeah, go ahead. I don't know if you're having issues on your end. You are glitching a little bit. But it's like super glitchy over here. I don't know what there is. I don't feel like we've got a delay or anything. No, I don't see a delay, but it's getting like, it slows you down for a second and then comes back to normal.
Speaker: every once while yeah but it's it's like a really it's just glitch in all I don't know what the hell is going on well it is pissing rain down here ahh okay that's that might be the problem of mine alright my internet seems fine but it is raining it's been raining since about noon I think about
Speaker: uh, 11 30 noon, something like that. It started raining heavily and it it's, it's drizzling. It's, it's, it's not heavily heavy right now, but it's, it's obviously still raining. I was a bit of afraid of it, of it messing up. I think I might've fixed it, but I got this hellacious echo on my end too, but I think, I think I may have fixed it.
Speaker: I gotta grab a pillow. This fucking sucks man.
Speaker: You would I would have thought by now that some bitch would have went away you think is caught up with Hap. So so that's that's a positive. That's good. Yeah. No, but the funniest story of Frank told me yesterday is I told you literally right before the podcast started. But but I definitely want to tell the story. He since he traveled so much, he and his girlfriend traveled to Dominican Republic and while in the Dominican Republic, they rented a car.
Speaker: Yeah. Uh, and they decided to drive to the Capitol, you know, go see the nice area, blah, blah, blah, blah. And on his way back, he's semi tired and he's driving and it's night and his girlfriend all of a sudden screams out, Francis, watch out.
Speaker: And he, he opens his eye real wide and he doesn't see anything. And then all of a sudden there's a truck in front of him that's literally held together with baling wire and, and twine and, and duct tape and chicken wire. And they go to pass it. It's got no tail lights, no turn signals, nothing, but there's a guy sitting on the, on the, uh,
Speaker: There's three guys in the truck driving and the guy in the middle is holding a flashlight out the window so they can see And I was like, oh my god, tell me you got picture video that he's like no I was like, come on That would have been never that viral to heartbeat
Speaker: Yeah, you've got to get a picture or video of that. That's one of those things. That's one of those mistakes. Leslie's in the Facebook chat and she said the glitches, the glitch makes it look like an old kung fu movie. Nice. She finds it amusing. So hopefully, hopefully, as we go on, it'll it'll it'll work itself out. And yeah, won't be too bad. The fortunate thing about it is when it does glitch out on us,
Speaker: Um, and one of us is talking when, when it comes back from the glitch, um, you're still getting everything. So that was what I was worried about. Just takes a second or two. Yeah. That's what I was worried about when we were doing that, that one time when we had all those really bad glitches and we wound up on a, on a delay for each other, which is something that I was afraid of to begin with.
Speaker: you being down there i mean being up here was how bad the delay was going to be in surprisingly there's absolutely no delay i remember back in in in the early 2000s you know when you do you do video chat on like uh webcams and stuff and there was always a delay always you could live next door and get the delay but the internet and and video display like that has gone so has
Speaker: grown so much that you almost it's very rare to get a delay. Yeah, it's it's still like that, like on terrestrial radio, like regular radio station, right? If somebody if somebody calls in to do like over the phone interview, there are still, you know, like a three or four second delay. So a lot of times you, you end up with a lot of lot of dead air. But I mean, right between us, it just because doing all the editing and stuff that I do, I know that there's no
Speaker: delay outside of that one episode. I was listening to that and I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. You were talking. Yeah, go ahead. You was talking about something and I was onto like, you were onto a whole other subject and I was still talking about the old stuff. That's why I wound up like cutting out like 40 minutes of the damn podcast. Yeah. And luckily that doesn't happen very often. I mean, it's a very rare thing.
Speaker: And thank God, but, but that was like one of those days, the traffic on HAPS, HAPS was still in its very infancy. And, and the traffic was just the, the app itself could not keep up, but they've obviously fixed it since then. Um, well, I, I have no, nevermind. I have noticed a big difference in HAPS. Um, yeah. Even though it's still in beta.
Speaker: It's still in beta. They're, they're constantly working on it. They're constantly updating it. And, and you don't even notice the updates, but they are happening real time. Yeah, usually, yeah, usually with different things when you updated it, it fucks the whole system up. Right. You can't see, you can definitely, you can definitely see the improvements and, and, and whatnot. Um, as they go, what is going on? Why am I being blown up?
Speaker: Oh, no, it's, it's, it's, it's on TikTok. Oh, buddy of mine. I don't know every, I don't, I don't do much on TikTok and I'm actually kind of over TikTok right now because I caught that three month band again. I got another three month band on my lives. Bullshit. And, um,
Speaker: And then the whole issues with videos and stuff like that. I was just kind of over it, but a buddy of mine, he's made a video that, cause shadow banning and this, that, and the other thing, he's like, he's trying to, I don't know what he's trying to do. He's trying to expose them. Yeah. Trying to jack up the algorithm. He's trying to get another video to go viral or something like that. Right.
Speaker: So I told him, I was like, when I'm done recording the podcast, I'll, I'll check out because you know, it's one of those things where it's like, watch the video all the way through and like it and share. Yeah. And it manipulates the algorithm. Yeah, it's it. Yeah. Um, the, a couple of my videos lately have been muted. The, that girl saying she, she doesn't like white people that got muted. And I'm like, yeah, it got muted.
Speaker: And then the video, the music video I posted that's like two minutes long or no, it's three minutes long. Uh, it got muted for, because why the hell did you post a three minute long video? Because I could. And that, that song is literally called snowflakes.
Speaker: It's called snowflakes and it's it's a song that uh, it's actually number one on youtube right now. Um It it shows the hypocrisy of modern day internet, you know But here here's the thing. Here's the thing with tick tock When they initially started you could do 15 second uploads right and uh, and then they went to um 60 or something like that or 30 or some shit like that
Speaker: And now they're at three minutes. The problem with TikTok, it's not an app meant for one minute or three minute videos. It is a quick in and out, much like Vine was. Nobody, very few people, and let's say really, really like you will, and I've discovered this because I like to post videos and you know the people that interact and you see them constantly and I could probably post a,
Speaker: four hour video and they'd probably watch the whole damn thing. But the other reason I added that song, it's my only three minute video. But the only reason I added it was is A, the song is catchy as fuck. And B, it's it's it's it's very much like what your your buddy is doing. It's exposing the the hypocrisy of of the left, so to speak.
Speaker: And well, yeah, he's not going after politically or anything. He's just trying. Oh, I am. Yeah, he's trying to manipulate the the tick tock out because right because he's got a pretty big he's got a pretty big power. And I think he's 100 plus thousand followers or something like that. Oh, wow. Shit. But and I and I've made this comment before, not necessarily on here, but in other circles where it's funny because
Speaker: You'll see these people that have hundreds of thousands of followers and get five views. And then somebody like me that has, you know, under 10 K or whatever, that's getting a couple thousand views on my videos when it's just like, why the hell is this even remotely possible? Right. But, um,
Speaker: No, I, and the thing about the longer the videos are, the harder they are to make, because even if you try to go with some original content or you want to try to do this, that or the other thing, they want to fucking mute it as soon as it goes up because you said the fucking word build -o. Meanwhile, you got some...
Speaker: fat fucking redneck who looks like he beats on his wife dancing around with holding one of those in his hands. Yeah. Well, I think I think tick tock wants to eventually become its own YouTube. Yeah, I don't know what to do. They're slowly working up to it. But yeah, I'm about I'm about giving up on it. I pretty much have. I basically just watch.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't post much on there when I do post, if I do make anything new, I just put it on there in between like videos for this to hopefully gain more traction our way. Yeah, which is, uh, I posted a couple of videos where I add the logo I made and, and I added words above and below it saying, you know, non -septal nonsense, the funniest podcast you've never heard of, which I've, I've, I believe is one of the funniest taglines I've ever heard.
Speaker: because even my wife has said, you know, you guys are really funny, too bad nobody hears you. I'm like, yeah. And my mother said it, and several people have said we're very funny, but the problem is the podcast market is so saturated that it's almost impossible for somebody to listen to them all. And that's another one of my clickisms. I used to say that all the time in my periscopes that I was the greatest periscope or nobody knew of.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, but even like my yeah, go ahead. Speaking of social media and stuff. We can get this in a couple times this episode. We're only 20. Oh, yes.
Speaker: Go ahead and follow us on social media. Y 'all, if you'd be so kind, we're on Instagram, Facebook, uh, and tech talk. If you, if you want to go on tech talk, um, at nonsensical nonsense, uh, Spotify at nonsensical nonsense. That's where you can get every episode of the podcast. Yeah. And if you want to send us a weird funny news article, so for us to discuss or if you just want to call us morons, uh, nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com.
Speaker: I love the fact that I inadvertently without any effort gave you the hardest one. Yeah. Well, you know what? That's the one I practice because it never, it literally never gets anything except for stupid notifications. It gets notifications like, uh, your videos up on Spotify and we're like, well, yeah, we know that. Yeah. I know. Yeah.
Speaker: you know, you think you could, or you think, not you, I'm the one that came up with the name, but I think we're going to come up with a better name that kind of rolled off of your tongue. Well, and actually after, after a while, it does after a while. I mean, we say it. So between the two of us, we say it so much that it does just kind of, it's like,
Speaker: It's like saying what? You know, it's a normal part of our daily life where other people are like, what's it called again? Yeah. Well, I was live last weekend or the weekend before I was live and I was talking about the podcast. I was live on TikTok.
Speaker: And I was talking about the podcast and I was telling people about it. And one guy was like, what's it called? I said, nonsensical nonsense. And he's like, what? I was like, nonsensical nonsense. And I even put it in the comments and he was like, no, it didn't be harder. Check out our email.
Speaker: four miles long. It's not that hard. It's it's two real words. It's not like we use fake words. Yeah. But speaking, speaking of people sending us news stories and whatnot. Oh, what? Yeah. I just put it in there. I had I've never had a lock screen on my phone. Oh, really? But now I have to my kids steal my phone constantly.
Speaker: Then I go to do the podcast, my battery's dead. That's the only reason I have it. On my phone, but with my new company email, the pest control company I work for, it's required for the email.
Speaker: I was like, I'm never going to fucking remember this thing. So I was like, I will just, you're like one, two, three, four. No. Yeah. And I was like, well, I'll just use the same pin that I use for my, my debit card. Yeah. Cause I, you know, I did that for years. So I've done that for years. Um, but I find myself all the time going to, going to unlock my screen and just randomly punching random ass numbers in like,
Speaker: Yeah, magically. It's just gonna I know here somewhere was like for the longest time. I used to use my social security number because my first my first job at Wendy's security number Jeff to 9 1 7 6 8 8 4 8 boom. Wow. No, go ahead and steal my shit. They're not in there.
Speaker: There ain't nothing there. You ain't going to get a hold of my accounts. I'd be on cash, motherfucker, please. It's not even your accounts. It's like identity. You're going to have 47 credit cards open. You're going to have 47 credit cards in your name tomorrow. That's all right. I'm in Mexico. What they going to do to me? That's awesome. No, but I mean, my first real job
Speaker: that wasn't, you know, like my first job, I actually worked for my, my uncle at the company, my grandfather started. So I, you know, there was no login and stuff, you know, it, it was since it's family, it was honor system, kind of whatever, but it was basically, we, we didn't get to the shop sometimes until, you know, five o 'clock at night. And I would, we'd literally leave the house and go straight to a job because it was plumbing and heating repair. And, um, my first real job
Speaker: You would have to sign in through the computer at Wendy's, and they're like, oh, they said, okay, we're going to give you a four -digit PIN, and it'll be your last four -digit social security number. And I was like, okay, what is it again?
Speaker: Yeah. Well, and that's, that's what, that's, that's what, that's how it was when I worked at, uh, Washington's, when I was driving truck and delivering auto parts, it was just the last four digits of my social that go to the time clock hit them in and then clock in. But squirrel speaking of squirrel. Yeah. We were talking about the, um, the, the, um, yeah, you know, and you know, people could email us if they had stories or whatever, or they can just email. Yeah.
Speaker: speaking of people sending us stories uh the one and only summer who has actually contributed probably more than you have to this podcast and i told her that and she's like hey well somebody's got to do it i'm just here for comic relief folks
Speaker: the weather. She actually sent me a story the other day and then you did send me the same story. Yeah, which is which is hilarious. Well, like I said, I post so if I scroll through my Facebook feed and I've my aunt posted that story and I was like, wow, that's fucked up. I got to send this Chris and I actually I actually read most of the story first. Yeah. So I
Speaker: Summer was, uh, was, I think she was scrolling on Facebook or something. Then she started laughing about it. And then she started telling me and I was like, just send it to me. I'll use it on the podcast. Yeah.
Speaker: And she's like, well, you better give me credit. And I was like, you know, maybe if you'd actually listen, you would know that every story you've ever sent me, I have given you full credit for this game. This came from summer. I would have seen it, but it's still, it came from summer. It says the headline is lobster diver injured while caught in whale's mouth.
Speaker: First of all, first of all, I thought lobsters were, were cotton cages. You know, I did too. So I always assumed they would go out in a rowboat and pull up a string that's floating on a buoy and pull up said lobster cage, but apparently I was wrong. Shows how much I know about lobster fishing. Yeah. I don't know anything about lobster fishing. Uh, speaking of summer new, no, no, she's not here, but I'm showing off my koozies.
Speaker: I got my father's day gifts and she sent me after the story, but I got a couple of new Brown's koozies that I was excited to use tonight. So anyways, I'll get into the father's day gifts after after this. So in a barn stable mass fucking mass holes. Yeah. A commercial lobster diver who got caught in a mouth of a humpback whale off the coast of Cape Cod on Friday morning and said he thought he was going to die.
Speaker: Well, yeah, if you got caught in the mouth of any animal, a bunny rabbit could be in the mouth. I'm like, I'm going to die. I don't know about that. Well, you are kind of little. Well, it's like somebody posted something on on one of my friends, Lisa, that I went to high school with. She she posted on Facebook. If you could fight any animal
Speaker: And when, what would it be? I'm like, I would book the shit out of a bunny rabbit, man. Speaking of fighting animals, I got a new one that I think I can, I can not only cannot beat the shit out of a retarded kangaroo, but I got another animal.
Speaker: asked me about that later. So Michael Packard, 56, of Wellfleet told WBZ TV after he was released from Cape Cod Hospital that he was about 45 feet deep in the waters of Provincetown. There's a lot of fucking towns going on here.
Speaker: Yeah, this is crazy. Stick to one town dummy. Maybe if you just fucking stayed home, you'd have been fine. Traveling all over God's Creed Earth. Fucking become a truck driver if you're going to drive around. Jesus Christ. Yeah, exactly. What the hell? Fucking being a heart teacher. Jesus Christ. About the safest thing you can be.
Speaker: But, uh, Michael said that he was, uh, deep in the waters of, uh, wait a minute, hold on a second. I lost my words are hard. Yeah. After he was released from the hospital, he, that he was about 45, 45 feet deep in the waters off province town. When all of a sudden he felt a huge bump and everything went dark. I'm dead. I'm looking for that light right at the end of the tunnel, boys. I'm coming.
Speaker: Yeah, I see. I'm dead. Fuck my life. I thought he'd been attacked by a shark common in the waters, but then he realized he could not. Right there. That tells me that's not the job for me. Common. If shark attack is part of the job description, I'm I'm out. I'm out. I've seen Jaws. I ain't playing that fucking game. Shark attacks aren't common. The sharks being in the water is common.
Speaker: That's once once again, if that's in the description i'm fucking out unless i'm at an aquarium Working the aquarium where i'm pointing out. That's a shark. See that that's about the extent I get to a shark I'm done. I'm like, you know what? This interview is over. I gotta go You want me to do what night now? But he said he thought he had been attacked by a shark common in area waters But then realized he could not feel any teeth and he wasn't in any pain
Speaker: Then this is a quote, this is a quote from Mr. Packard. Then I realized, Oh my God, I'm in a whale's mouth and he's trying to swallow me. Grab that dude's tonsils and start speed boxing that shit, man. He'll spit you out real quick.
Speaker: Yeah. No, it's like Jonah and the whale didn't, didn't, from the Bible, Jonah and the whale. He actually mentioned it in the article. Wasn't, um, wasn't, uh, Pinocchio swallowed by a whale? Yeah. Pinocchio was swallowed by a whale and, and, uh, you know, they used to do cartoons like, uh,
Speaker: a cartoon character being swallowed by whale and that's how the cartoon character get out they'd beatbox the fucking tonsils and be like get the fuck out of here speed bag that shit
Speaker: uh and so and i thought to myself okay this is it i'm finally gonna die finally he's tried and failed three times i finally successfully done it motherfuckers i've been waiting for this day for so long and it finally happened i thought of my wife and said
Speaker: Thank god that bitch is finally gonna stop driving me up a wall. I can't complain about my fault. And I'm done dealing with them fucking kids. I guess I don't have to make my truck payment on Monday. All of a sudden a note floats up from the stomach says we've been trying to reach you by your extended warranty.
Speaker: A guy in a scuba gear. It says that he estimates that he was in the whale's mouth for about 30 seconds but continued to breathe because he still had his breathing apparatus in. The whale surfaced, shook its head, and spit him out. He was rescued by his group mate in a surface boat. His sister, Cynthia, originally told Cape Cod Times,
Speaker: that her brother broke a leg, but he said later that his legs are just bruised. Charles Storm, Mayo, a senior scientist and whale expert for the Center of Coastal Studies in Provincetown. I feel like you can only say that like proper. I don't know. Yeah. But still, told the newspaper that such human whale encounters are rare. Humbacks are not aggressive.
Speaker: Fucking words are hard. Mayo thinks it was an accidental encounter while the whale was feeding on fish, likely sand -like lance. So now, I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. Uh -huh. When whales eat, and like I said, I'm not 100 % about this, but I'm pretty sure that I'm right. When whales eat, they essentially just open their big -ass fucking mouths and keep swimming forward. Yeah, right? Yeah, that was my assumption.
Speaker: So this dude was just wrong place, wrong time. I'm guessing. Well, the thing is, I've always been under the impression that whales didn't open their mouth that wide because they have, they don't have teeth. They have what's called Brill and it looks like hairbrush sticking down where their teeth would be. And krill and stuff would actually go through that. It works kind of like a filter. Well, I think it's on their tongue. They do have like little, little, um,
Speaker: Right. But like, like, like follicles. Yeah. Like rounded teeth. So I think that the, we're just randomly spouting our nonsense, our terrible knowledge of whales. I mean, I think I did a report on it back in like third grade, but that was my always on their tongue. So when they,
Speaker: they don't have to open their mouth that big they're they're fucking ginormous they're they're oh no they're they're like it's like i mean that's like getting hit by a city bus it's not it's they're like 475 feet long and oh yeah they're like and then they're like
Speaker: 150 feet around. So yeah, they're massive. No, it's not. No, but they're literally the size. Well, like I went swimming with the whale sharks here. And, and whale sharks are basically the the tamest animals in the water. And even then I was like, you want me to get out of the boat? What are you fucking retarded? And they are literally the size of a city bus.
Speaker: You you mean you didn't pull a Jason Statham and go it's a megalodon No, it was it was one of those things it's one of the tours they offer and and for 20 years I've been trying to get on this thing but but something's always come up because it is seasonal because you know whales move and They tend to stick to Cooler water. So at that time of the year the water is cool enough where they can come down here and eat and
Speaker: They have tours. You go out and you literally get all the boat and swim with the whales and they're freaking huge. And rape you like the dolphin did. No, the whale never got well, actually one pushed me out of the way. Did you, did you find your soulmate when you start? Well, the funny thing was,
Speaker: Um, my kids, my daughter was five years old, swim with whale sharks. And I was like, that thing will swallow you like a tic -tac. See, this is, this is why I could never go on like a, like a shark, like slip with the sharks or get the kids. Oh, no. Nope. Not going to happen. Sharks bite. It's not that I'm afraid. It's not that I'm afraid of a shirt. I think I could play the shirt. Angelina Jolie did. Fuck it. You know, we got this. Yeah.
Speaker: My immaturity would come into play way too much. And I would start quoting like, like I said, Jason Statham. Or I'd be like, we're gonna need a bigger boat. I kept telling, well, no, I didn't say that one. When we got there, I literally turned to the captain and I'm like, we're gonna need a bigger boat. And he's like, shut up. I hear that every day. I was like, but we're not gonna try that fucking thing. But I kept telling him. I'm sure he does.
Speaker: No, he does. I'm sure when I worked at two minutes, there's always one asshole on every boat that's like, we're going to do the big road. Shut up, dummy. We know. Yeah. Much much like when I worked at two in a truck, you know, forever in a day ago. Hey, pretty girl. Welcome. Hey, there she is. And we'd have a trainee or if we were doing a three man move and we'd pull up and the truck says two, but I count three or if we were doing a big move, like like four trucks and several guys.
Speaker: And right? Well, your truck says two and I count three. Shut up, jackass. Congratulations, dummy. You can count. This is the seventh time you have something up on my two year old. No, but it's it's. The thing is, I think the whale spit him out because he tasted like shit, because if I were to swallow by whale, I would have shit myself.
Speaker: And that whale was like, fucking, what the hell was that? No, I think it was more along the lines of if the whale actually spit him back out and he didn't just fall out when the whale opened his mouth back up or whatever. Well, I think it comes down to the whale knew it had something too big in its mouth.
Speaker: Yeah. And the whale was like, oh, this shouldn't be here. So let's go ahead and get rid of it. It could have been a log for all that whale knew. And he was like, I'm immediate. Summer is finally out of the pool. Finally. Yeah. I was drowning in the pool last night.
Speaker: drinking so much. No, that's the one thing I asked when we bought the house. I was like, how's deep? And the guy was like, you'll be fine. Don't worry, little fella. You'll be just fine.
Speaker: But, you know, when you first see a pool, you're like, you can't really tell how deep and they don't have it marked. And I'm like, so how deep is it? And he's like, you'll be fine. I'm like, that's not what I meant. Okay, good to know. As the Mexican real estate agent is looking down at you, which most Mexicans don't get to look down at anybody. I'm usually pretty eye level with everybody.
Speaker: It's actually it's actually uh Was I could uh, I think it's it's exactly um Like four nine depth visits in meters
Speaker: You're the kiddie pool splash around y 'all with your wife. Look, I'm swimming, honey. She's like, you're so cute, man. Yeah. I wish I should. I wish I drank. I didn't know I was going to marry a guy from the munchkin guild. You look amazing. That's wonderful, babe. Yay. Shut up. Isn't that funny?
Speaker: No, but I mean, it's, uh, last night, like I said, after about 10, 15 drinks into it, I'm like, maybe we should get out of the pool. Cause there's certain things that you shouldn't do when you're drinking. Yeah. Driving number one, operate anything that is motorized.
Speaker: yeah and swim you shouldn't make life decisions you shouldn't start a podcast because you're drunk you're like this will be great well one of us might have been drunk when we made that decision but you were sober i was sober
Speaker: I wouldn't be surprised. The girls are definitely taller than you. I'm 5 '3".
Speaker: She's, she also said I make the majority of my life decisions. Yeah. I make my business explains why she's drinking Chris. He's like, she's like, what are you going to do? He bought me a beer. I like her. She bought me out. I make my best life decisions when I'm drunk. I'm a rare exception.
Speaker: Yeah. You, for example, you were one of my better decisions. One of my best. There you go. Stop it. Yeah. I just, I literally, if that would have been in the job description that it's, it's, you know, there's, there's whales in the water and there's sharks and I'm like, yeah, I'm done. You know what? I mean, that's a given when you're a lobster diver in the ocean, where whales and sharks and that'd be that.
Speaker: I'm like, can we put these officer babies in a pool or something? I mean, fuck man. That would be like, that would be like, if I, if I went and took a gun at a firing range, at a gun range, and then I walked in front of the targets and got shot up, I didn't know that was going to be bullets here. I can't believe I got shot. You said gun range, not bullet range. Jesus. But no, but I mean, it's like any job where.
Speaker: I don't understand people that take job where they get into the water constantly. You would really have to love to. I would honestly love it. No, as long as the water's, the weather's good and it wouldn't bother me. The thing is like the idiots that are like in the North Pole and stuff and they're like, we're going to go get wet. Like you're stupid. I'm going to stay inside. Yeah, I would absolutely love to have a job where I spent my time on or in the water.
Speaker: you know, that would be on the water have no problem. But on the water, I have no problem. But also for me, the water is like, like my my like, I don't know. It's good for my soul. I love being around the water. Oh, I love the ocean. Don't get me wrong. I hate the beach. I love the ocean. Jeff, how did you just comment in the Facebook feed? Oh, that's my wife.
Speaker: She's got her hers on. She's got my account open. Oh, hello, Jeff's wife. But I can see me smoking. And I got dude. So speaking of speaking of us smoking. Yeah. Holland was in our live, which is Kevin's co -host. Right. Wednesday night. And she was like trying to give us shit for smoking in the house and everything.
Speaker: Which is what my wife is literally mentioning right now. She was like, you allow. Yeah. She messaged Summer. She was like, you allow him to smoke in the house. Summer was like, well, first of all, he lives in Ohio and I live in Tennessee and that's his house. So, you know, whatever he wants to do. My wife yelled at me for, for smoking a house during the podcast. And then I got off and she said, you know what? I get it.
Speaker: At least you have the door open and the fan running to blow the smoke out. Uh, she just would prefer. I don't, but she's not overly angry at it. Yeah. Like, well, I had my window open beside me when I was in the bedroom. I don't have my windows open right now because I'm too lazy to open them. Plus it's so they're, they're, they're like, they're like six feet away from me. It's so far away. I'm literally less, less than two feet.
Speaker: Yeah. From when I'm in my, when I'm in my bedroom, I'm literally standing right beside the window. So that was one of those things that just blew my mind. It's like, what do you mean? I'll allow me, like some, some of them, I don't have that relationship where it's like, Oh, you're not allowed. You're not allowed. What we're both going. It's not that I'm not allowed. It's my wife doesn't like it. And, and because my, my wife is not a smoker at all. Um,
Speaker: she gets that you know it's an addiction that i can't i can't really i can't really hack yeah she's your wife's boring she doesn't smoke she doesn't drink no and she's uh we're gonna find out we're gonna find out down there
Speaker: We're going to find out down the road that she likes to smoke meth and throw. So do I. Tuesdays and Thursdays is what we do here. We smoke meth and throw perch hooker. We should come up and visit.
Speaker: No, but it's like my wife will drink on occasion. It is very rare, but she doesn't feel the need to. You also said it's for religious beliefs, too. Well, originally, yes. I mean, it also was her religious belief that getting a tattoo was a bad idea, but now she's got more tattoos than I. Drinking's always a good idea.
Speaker: Well, last night I would, I would beg to differ this morning. Well, that's because you're a lightweight and you don't know how to do it properly. So yeah, I think that's, that's probably it. You know, I'm just, fortunately for you, you didn't start drinking beer. Like you're like, I don't really drink that stuff. So I'm just going to drink beer. And then you had, you know, five or six or.
Speaker: Exactly no, but it was it was one of those things is like I I used to drink a lot, but when I met my wife I just I I get it got to the point where I was like, yeah, I really don't need to drink I don't you know and I don't need to
Speaker: I don't feel the need either. At this point, with the exception of last night, I really don't get anything out of it. I'm more of a social drinker. Let's put it that way. If I'm at a party and there's beer there, I'm drinking. But if I'm just sitting here by myself... I'm definitely more of a social drinker.
Speaker: drink alone all the time, but usually when I drink, usually when I'm drinking, I'm live or. Right. Yeah. It's not, it's not like you're sitting there watching TV, cracking beer after beer. Yeah. Like, like last night, I was like, Oh yeah. I was like, I'm going to go make dinner.
Speaker: I'm gonna have me a couple beers while I cook, get ready for the podcast and a half hour before I'm supposed to go live. I got your message. I'm like, motherfucker. They're like, we're supposed to go live in a half hour. And now he's like, I sent you a message like four o 'clock. It's like four. But the only reason I sent you it so late is because I was away from the house and I had left my phone here on charge. The original plan was to be back here on time.
Speaker: to do the
Speaker: It was like a half hour before and I was like, fuck my life because we're not doing it tonight. It was like, I had a couple beers with dinner. I made steak and like my kids aren't here. So I had steak and baked potatoes. Like, well, when they are here, I give them crap food, but when they're not, I eat good. So there she is laughing at us.
Speaker: who she switched back over my wife she just switched back over to her account realizing that she was on on my account when she said that she's like um no so i was like i had steak corn on the cobs baked potato and i was like you know you gotta yeah like i said when your kids aren't there you eat good when your kids are there like makes spaghetti little fuckers okay well that was
Speaker: What's up, Tom? How you doing, Tommy? There he is. What's up, Tom? How you doing, Tommy? I love Tom. Tommy and his wife are two of my favorite people. I met him on Periscope.
Speaker: Right. His profile picture was, he's a Washington Redskins fan. Not while the Washington football team, because there was his profile. His profile picture was a Luchador, Washington Redskins mask. So I just always do that. What I see. Identify. He's like, you need to identify as a Mexican dude, because that's what I picture.
Speaker: And he's like the whitest of white. He loves me, but he hates me because his wife adores me and she thinks I'm like the greatest creation of all time. And she loves summer too. Nobody likes summer.
Speaker: Mrs. Mrs. Wonderful loves Glick in summer. She's like, well, I can't get number one. I'll take number five. I guess I'll, I guess I'll settle, but which is what my wife did. She settled, which is what summer's doing. He's half as decent. He's the kitty pretty good. So I'll keep him around. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: That's the video I made the other day. That video I made on TikTok the other day. The woman said it so perfectly that all I did was duet going, fuck, this chick's gone. She knows what we're talking about. Because we don't do it. For you, please. So we look good later. Summer knows all about that. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yes. Speaking of drinking and drinking tequila, Tommy, that man loves him some goddamn tequila. He drinks like it's water. And he drinks tequila and natty light. Oh my God. Summer said you're straight up reppin' all your gear. Well, I got all this new... Here's another koozie. I don't know if you guys can see it. One of my husband's koozies. So...
Speaker: Yeah, man. I got all this new Browns gear. So I was like, I'm, I'm rocking the Browns gear tonight. I'm going to use my new koozies. Hell yeah. But, um, I got them. I might as well use them. Yeah. We we've gotten completely derailed and off track. Oh, I was going to say something. Yeah. Per usual. I was going to say something about, you know, I've said it a million times and if you haven't heard it before, I strongly believe that I can kick a kangaroo's ass. Yes. I was really showing that up.
Speaker: What's the new animal you think you could whip their ass? I'm curious. That I can fight a kangaroo. I'll beat that Everloving shit out of a kangaroo. That video I sent you, that one looked like it had spent six months in the gym.
Speaker: That thing had arms bigger in my head. I won't fight a regular kangaroo. It was like the John Cena of fucking kangaroos. Yeah. I'm going to find a retarded kangaroo that's been hit by a truck twice. And back to her. But I do have a new bear that I think I can fight or a new animal that I think I can fight. And it's a bear.
Speaker: No, no, no. I'll fight a cub. I'll fight a little cub. I think I can fight and win this bear. It's a particular bear. It's a black bear. Fuck that. I can beat the shit out of a kitty cat, you know? Yeah, but look, the black bears, the male black bear averages about between 5 '6 and 5 '8 and about 300.
Speaker: Yeah, I can find a retarded king or any any retarded animal on the planet. I will fight. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, you give me a retarded alligator. I got that shit. But you give me one that's like the the king of all alligators. I'm no. Oh, no. I'll stay in the car. I drive over it and stay orphan orphan kids. Let it be known that any retarded animal I will find. But I think I can find a straight up legitimate black bear.
Speaker: And I might have not retarded just a regular bike bear and stand a chance because the male, Jeff, the bear cub, the bear cub is bigger than you. Yeah, but I, you know what? I seen that video of that bear getting hit in the nuts and it rolled around the ground for like 10 minutes. So I know what I'm doing.
Speaker: pop him in a junk and now what's up, bitch? I'm gangster. So the male, yeah. So the male black bear average height is between like five, six and five eight. Okay. Of about roughly about 300 pounds or less. Okay. Six two. Yeah, but them claws are like razor sharp, dude. They don't, they don't, you know, ball up their fists. They, they swipe like the, like the bitch slap, cut your face open.
Speaker: Popping me. He's zigging zag. Don't zag when you should have zigged. That would be me. I'll zag when I should have zigged. My eyes knocked the fuck out. And I'll be something bears lunch going, do you believe this motherfucker tried to bite me? Eat your dinner, Pop. I think I could catch him with an old rope -a -dope and before he knows it, I'm behind him with a rear naked choke.
Speaker: punching him in the ear hole screaming at him. Who's your daddy? Who's the other bears going? Is that dude trying to rape that bear? Let's sit down and watch this. This is going to be fucked up. I'm here. I'm here for reparations. You motherfuckers. I'm raping all of you. It's bear raping season.
Speaker: You know what the the thing is like I don't like I probably a Capuchin monkey. I'll beat the shit out of I have no problem with that but anything my size or bigger. I'm good. I'm good Well, my thought with the whole yeah, go ahead what I
Speaker: No, because I'm not a fighter. I'm a lover, but no, however, I do know one thing that if I, if you and I were ever confronted by, you know, these giant fuck off bear and something, I know one thing. I don't have to outrun the bear. I have to outrun you.
Speaker: Oh, let's see. That's where you fucked up because you don't think I won't fucking kick your ankle out. Oh, no, I won't. I won't. I will fucking I will fucking trip you. I will literally like, Chris, don't move. There's a bear and I squat down, tie your shoes together and then bolt. Just like just like you is in high school. Do you kick somebody's ankle? Shouldn't you turn the road? I'd be like, no, deuces, little man. I'm going to wipe that bear.
Speaker: I would literally be sitting there going, Chris, didn't you say you could fight one of them bears? Here's your chance, dude, because I'm the fuck out of here, son. I'm gone. I'd already be squared up before you got that sense out. All right, let's go.
Speaker: You would literally see a smoke outline of my body just like, I'm gone. You'd turn to be like, Jeff, there's a bear there. Like, Jeff, where are you? See you later. Jeff, you better record this. You ready for the podcast? It's Saturday. We'll show up on the podcast where the fucking bear's here. Jeff's going to be like, oh my god, the bear's here. Thank you. It's just me.
Speaker: Yeah. They say like, uh, when it comes to bears, you should, if you have a gun, you shouldn't shoot them because they're just pissing off. If I got a gun, there's a bear. I will shoot him about 10 times. I will empty a clip. I will empty a clip. Not a problem. Leslie said, um, imagine going to school with Jeff.
Speaker: There were adults around him, I'm sure. Well, Leslie, I did go to school with Jeff. That's what makes it funny. Could you imagine the two of us in the same class together? Oh, my God. It was amazing that, and it wasn't just us, there was like, what, 12 other people that were just like us? Yeah, there was, there was, yeah, about 12 to 15 other. You could see the disbelief on teachers' faces when the group of like 18 of us
Speaker: that all acted and said stupid shit constantly. You could see like, they'd be like, fuck, it's fourth period. These motherfuckers are coming in. We spent the entire class coming up with some bullshit ass scenarios that we would never see ourselves in. And then on top of it, the teacher couldn't get a word in edgewise because we're talking over each other the entire time.
Speaker: No, there's no room for teachers to talk. We're not here to learn, we're here to talk. Summer said, Summer retorted to the imagining, imagining going to school with Jeff. She said, Leslie, imagine being married or dating to either one of these two. There you go. My wife, if she is still on here, will contest that
Speaker: uh no matter what my wife me angry as fuck at me but i can make her laugh and that breaks the anger tension i don't i don't i don't know if you've run any of these weird scenarios by your wife but i i run these weird thing i'll say this dumb shit to summer
Speaker: all the time. Like the other day, well, the whole, the whole bear me fighting a bear thing came up because there was, there was a bait. She was going to work and there was a baby black bear by the road on her way to work. Fuck that thing up. So she's seen it. Come on mother. So then we were talking about it and I was like, so I looked it up and I was like,
Speaker: Those aren't very big bears. I mean, I knew they weren't very big because one of the last times I went to the zoo, they had like this chart showed all the different bears and the sizes. And I was in the zoo and I was like, I got to fight that bear. I could fight that bear. These bears I'm going to leave alone. You're looking at, if you could fight them, I'm looking at if I could outrun that motherfucker. I'm like, Cheetah, 80 miles an hour.
Speaker: Well if I zig and zag. Yeah you can't zig and zag. I'll wait till you get real close to duck. As he's leaping, I'll be like fuck you. You're trying to duck and you gotta cheetah paw up your ass. Yeah no shit.
Speaker: I don't live in Africa in some country where there's fucking cheetahs because I'm like, yeah, I'm a dead man. It's over. Yeah. They enjoy the white meat. But so we were talking on the phone later that night and I was like, I was like, yeah, backbears don't get that big. And then I looked it up and I was like, Oh, I could totally fight in black.
Speaker: She was like, no, you can't. I was like, yeah, I can. Go get that bear. I saw that she posted something about a bear, but I was, she posted it, but anybody else see the bear. And I thought about text, putting a message. Nope. Didn't say it. Sorry. Just to be a smart ass. But once again, my screen refreshed and I couldn't find it right away. And by the time I would have looked to found it, I would have forgotten.
Speaker: You shouldn't, doesn't matter. You should've been like, yeah, I totally seen that bear. I can't believe there was a bear there. Motherfucker got loose again. Speaking of, speaking of fighting bears, there was that video that went viral. What last week that teenage girl, that like Superman punched a bear off of her balcony. Oh, I saw that. It was on her. She was this, it was like a, it could have been very big bear because it was like a cub.
Speaker: But it's walking on she's got a block wall. It's like a concrete block wall and her and this this wall is maybe five feet off the ground.
Speaker: at the at this height because the bear was literally reaching down and barely extending its arm to swat at this dog that was barking at it and this woman runs up just kind of pushes it off the wall and i'm like i'm like sorry fight oh you're fucked yeah no she's she's straight up superman punched that yeah she did right off the wall
Speaker: and i was like well if that little teenage 95 pound chick could take a bear i could definitely take a bear i'm built like a bear shit more than likely the bears would take me in as one of their they're like you're one of what are you doing hey you want some honey
Speaker: I'm not a big fan of honey, but can we go get some, uh, I don't know Yogi. Oh, speaking of, speaking of childhood shows, you know what my ass did today? I'm almost, I'll be 40 in October. Okay. I get up eight 30 on a Sunday morning.
Speaker: Come out here, get a fun summer. And I were talking this morning on our way into work. Come out here, sit down, turn on the TV. I got to my cable just to see what's on cable. Right. Saved by the bell is on. Nice. Saved by the bell. I'm like, hell yeah. Nice. I sat down with a big old bullet. Captain Crunchberries. No. Eating Captain Crunchberries. The funny thing about, have you seen this thing on Facebook? It's, it's called Zach Morris is trash.
Speaker: Yeah, Zach Morris is an asshole or Zach Morris is trash. Yeah, it's Zach Morris is trash. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Those are the funniest reviews. And every time one pops up, I'm like, Oh, there's a new one. Fuck yeah. I don't go out searching them, but if it pops up on my feed, I'm like, everybody shut up. I'm watching this. I'm sitting there like a kid, like a kid again, like 10 or 11 years old. I'm sitting on my couch, eating my captain crunch.
Speaker: Hell yeah, man. Watch him say by the bell, say by the bell's done. Footstones come on. I'm, I did, I ate three bowls of Captain Crunchberries. Watching fucking say by the bell and cartoon. Speaking of, speaking of childhood memories like that, I watched Bumblebee today because it, it came out on Netflix. Cause that's a new movie. Well, I used to know, but I used to watch Transformers cartoon when I was a kid because it was about cars.
Speaker: you know, and you know, uh, so, and I've been waiting for like a month. They announced it a month ago that bumblebee was going to be coming on to, uh, Netflix. And I was like, Oh, I want to see that. I've been wanting to see that one. Uh, the last one I saw was the one with Mark Wahlberg in it. And it's, it's not great. Although the, the, the daughter's
Speaker: of Mark Wahlberg's boyfriend drives a badass little Chevy, uh, uh, what is it? The Sonic or whatever, uh, or not. No, Mark Wahlberg. Oh no, she is cute. But, um, they, they, they obviously picked that good girl because she was good looking, but, um, it wasn't, yeah.
Speaker: But the Bumblebee movie, they actually were able to tie it into the Shia LaBeouf versions.
Speaker: No, it was probably movie was pretty good. I, I liked that they, they brought it back to the old Volkswagen Beetle. Transformers, the Transformers movies, they did a good job. I enjoyed them. I loved watching Transformers as a kid and I had all the Transformers when I was a kid. Oh yeah. You know, when I was a kid, my Transformers were metal. Yeah, exactly. Not the plastic. I remember my Optimus Prime with, with.
Speaker: Yeah. I remember my optimus prime that I had with trailer was like three foot long. Oh yeah. That thing was huge. Well, like, uh, that was something else they did. They'd put the original optimus, optimus prime and trailer. When you see bumblebee switched to a Camaro, spoiler alert, he switched to Camaro at the very end. And she's like, you could have been a Camaro this whole time. I was like, yeah, that's kind of a dick move. That's kind of a dick move on his part.
Speaker: but and then it'll be a dick bubble bee he but he's like this 80 86 Camaro which is what he was in the Shiloh buff one but he's in the Shiloh buff one it takes place like what oh five or something so he's all fucked up but as he's driving down the Golden Gate Ridge he pulls up next to a flat nose semi with the trailer paint match and everything I was like now that's Optimus Prime not that fucking
Speaker: awesome Kenworth. I mean, don't get me wrong, that Kenworth was cool as shit, but it's not Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime is a weird front, flat nose, weird truck. But it was, it was decent. It wasn't, it was a little bit, but it was, it was decent. I liked how they, they
Speaker: Uh, it was, I mean, it was pretty good. Yeah, it wasn't, I mean, I was, I wasn't going to go shout it to from the rooftops going, everybody watch the pump. It's amazing. You know, but, but it was decent, you know, uh, it was entertaining. And the whole time you see John Cena on there, you're like, wow, this guy really plays an asshole really good. Yeah. He plays such a good asshole.
Speaker: Which is probably not far off from his personality, apparently. Yeah, which I mean. I guess is kind of his character in. That new Fast and the Furious movie. Oh, yeah, I did see it. I watched it. Of course you do. I had to. It was. Dog shit, basically. Good. Well, they barely spent any time on the fucking cars.
Speaker: I mean, that's the whole point of a Fast and Furious movie is they're in cars, but it was like at one point they're in a Fiero with a jet engine strapped on it in space. And I was like, all right, calm down. I was like, all right, you have jumped the shark folks. Oh, so bad. They, they jumped the shark. Um, a long time ago.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. After about the third one, when they stopped worrying about street racing, I was like, yep, I'm done. I, I like Tokyo drift better than the rest of them because better than, uh, four, five, six, seven, and 40, because it's about that they're literally on the street racing. And the first one was, I mean, as bad as the inaccuracies of the first one.
Speaker: That's what it was about. You, you really need to get past that. Nope. Can't do it. Can't do it. It's, it's a movie. I know, but you've got to, you've got to get past though. That's like, that's like, if you become that guy, you're that guy, you're that. I know. I realized that I'm that guy. However, if there was a movie out there where a, um,
Speaker: A pest control guy just grabs a bug bomb and throws it in the house, goes, there you go. That'll be $400. You're going to fucking tear that movie up. Have you never seen arachnophobia? He had the sprayer on his back, though. John Goodman. That movie's awesome. I love that movie. Have you never seen Starship Troopers?
Speaker: I love Starship Troopers. Love it. Have you never seen Tremors? I love Tremors. I like the second Tremors better than I do the first one. Oddly enough. I'm sure there's other... Have you ever seen the movie The Fly? Actually, no. Really? It's on my list. It is on my list. Dude, that movie came out in like the 80s. Oh, I know. It's called Blue. Oh, I know.
Speaker: It's on my list. It's the only reason I ever watched your original Jurassic Park movie. Well, actually, speaking of Jeff Goldblum, my son discovered the trailer for Independence Day near Wilson's first movie. He was flicking through YouTube and he's like, dad, we need to see this movie. And I was like, boy, I saw that in the theater. And my wife chimes and so did I.
Speaker: And so I grabbed it out of the DVDs this year, sit down, son, we're going to watch something good. And then the world you live in makes my head hurt. Well, seriously, that's the weird thing about having kids is like, when I first showed my kid Jaws, he didn't, he wasn't scared. And I was like, what are you serious? This movie used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid because you're a bitch.
Speaker: Apparently, but my son was like, it's a shark. It looks fake. I'm like, Oh, I didn't in 1980. No, that's, that's the thing. Like, Joll's never, Joll's never scared me. Really?
Speaker: trying to think of a movie that actually did scare me, but I'm, I'm, I'm a horror guy. So yeah. Well, I, I remember when I was like four or five seeing the wizard of Oz and the, the, the flying monkeys who scared the shit out of me. I can't hear you. What are you doing? We're back in business.
Speaker: Go away. Go away, small child. No, but it's like the flying monkeys used to scare the shit out of me from the Wizard of Oz. Such a pussy. I was four. Pussy! Chris at four years gone, I'll fuck that monkey up! I'll fuck that monkey's ass! Go fly over this way, bitch!
Speaker: Well, at four years old, I was also six feet tall. So, yeah, exactly. I wish a monkey would try, I wish a fine monkey would try me. I swore to God, I swore to God. No, but I liked certain, certain, uh, movies like that, certain, certain scenes from certain movies used to give me nightmares when I was a kid.
Speaker: Uh, Parker came out and stole your phone. Why do you steal your phone? Speaking of certain movies and giving you nightmares, nightmare inducing activities. If you're not already, feel free to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. And if you want to on TikTok at nonsensical nonsense and Spotify, where you can get every single episode of this dumpster fire.
Speaker: And if you want to send us something or go ahead and complain about us, nonsense goes nonsense podcast at gmail .com. What he said. Yeah. I don't know why is that so hard to say, but it's just a lot. It's not that it's hard to say. It's just a lot. It's speaking of speaking of fucking shit. OK. We were talking about a podcast and.
Speaker: The dumpster fire that it is. The dumpster fire, the huge pile of poo that it is. I got a poo related story for you. Okay. Actually says that the headline block of frozen poo falls from the sky. Oh yeah. So a little Joe Dirt action.
Speaker: Not so much says Lisa Boyd and Louise Brown rushed from their home after hearing a huge thud outside and soon discovered human feces and toilet paper after it gave off a terrible smell.
Speaker: Was this supposed to smell like fucking roses? I don't know if this is in New England. I'm assuming it is. I could be wrong or it's up in the New England states. But it said Boyd told the Portsmouth News, I thought someone that crashed their scooter outside and there was a huge whirling noise and a huge thud. So I looked out the window and there was a lump of ice on the floor.
Speaker: We were just thankful no one was walking past and nobody got hit because it could have killed somebody. Residents believe that the plume crash landed after falling from a plane that was flying 35 ,000 feet overhead as Boyd revealed that she had removed an unpleasant surprise. She said, where the ice melted, there were feces on the path. I bagged it up because it was a flat bag in the middle of the footpath. Yeah, that's gotta be England.
Speaker: Well, here's my thing. If this is such a problem, why is it still a thing that happens? I don't think it's so much of a problem. I mean, it's just one of those things that fucking happen. But I mean, why does it happen? Why? Why? Who and what engineer's mind said, oh, when the toilet gets full, we'll just dump it out the fucking planet, you know, 60 ,000 feet and
Speaker: I mean, because why not? Well, because it could literally land on somebody and kill them. I mean, not my problem. Their reaction was like, they're like, Shut up, Bob. That's not gonna happen. If it does, it's not our problem. My problem. Hashtag prove it. But I mean, I think they would empty those like they do a porta potty at the airport.
Speaker: You know, well, they, generally they, they do, I would assume, but I mean, I don't understand much like the whale thing. I'm not an expert. It is what it is.
Speaker: But could you imagine just like sitting around, sitting around at your house, watching a movie, drinking a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. Yeah, you're having your afternoon tea and crumpets with your best mate.
Speaker: And all of a sudden that huge fucking turd just comes crashing through the window. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about. Bob, the mail's here. I think it's for you. No, I mean, that's just fucked up. No kidding, right? Summer asked in the chat, she said, how does Jeff Goetz deal with you with not going live with you for a week? Well,
Speaker: When we go home, when we go, when we go on vacation, um, I'll still be able to go live Wednesday night. Cause we're not leaving until Thursday morning. And then we'll miss Saturday show. We'll do a live Saturday and then, um, we'll the following week we'll have to do it, uh, Thursday, Thursday night. Shouldn't be a problem.
Speaker: Oh, I assume something like that would come up. That's not a big deal. It's not like we have millions of followers that are going to miss out. I mean, out of the three people that listen, four people that listen, I'll be with one of them and the other two that listen are you and I. So the only one that's going to miss out is your mom. Yeah.
Speaker: And I think she actually watches the replay anyways. Suck it. He's mine. I mean, consider Jeff looks at you and sees you as a bro. Yeah. You're kind of like a dude. Calm down bro. Don't worry about it. I'll let you borrow him.
Speaker: I'll let you borrow them for a minute. You can have them for one day. My wife told, told Frank, uh, when we, we went and met him at the hotel, she's like, so, uh, am I renting him out by the hour or by the day? Oh, Stevie's here. Stevie's here. That means you're in trouble. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I mean, that's, that's the thing. I think, you know, she got spoiled by a certain other podcast that she'll call in and they'll, they'll don't all over her. Yeah. And then you just, just cause we can't do that yet. Cause we don't know how you just call her bro. I will. I mean, I will, but it's my, you know, I should, she's my girlfriend, but it was like, Hey, what's up, bro. What's up, dude.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. I don't like coming in here because you're a co -host. Yeah, exactly. I'm not that guy. I mean, you seriously go by Stevie. How am I not supposed to play bro? But again,
Speaker: on on the on the podcast of uh or on the podcast on the uh on the subject of shit flying down from the plane on on the uh subject of shit or piss or whatever my mom says i'm here what's up mom i can't read it because it's backwards i want to move this area i can actually see
Speaker: Summer, I just did this emoji. She just throw her hands up. So here we are, you know, we're trying to have fun and do a podcast and get, get all of like four listeners on a good day. Right. A toilet reviewer gains a large following online. A toilet reviewer.
Speaker: Yep. Rachel Disson Dixon has rated over a hundred toilets across the globe and has been christened, has been christened Mrs. Lou review by her friends. For all the things to be known for, you're like, you know, Walmart's got the best shitter. So it says, it says Rachel Dixon is known as Mrs. Lou review. Again, it's out of England because they're saying Lou.
Speaker: Right. Uh, to her friends and share her thoughts on 119 toilets and restaurants, pubs, entertainment venues. That was going to be my next question. Is she like going into hardware stores and go, you know, if you guys want American standard or you want, you know, this brand or there's no, she's literally saying this truck stops is the nastiest toilet I've ever been in. And the one at Lowe's is immaculate clean. Yeah. Well, she's not American. Okay.
Speaker: She's reviewed and shared her thoughts on over 119 toilets in restaurants, pubs, entertainment venues, and shops across Britain, Europe, and Australia. Dixon from Manchester raised the lose on their cleanliness, decor, and facilities, and awards to five marks for each. She also shared particularly good and more bad toilets with her social media phone.
Speaker: I give this one three and a half shit emojis. Yes. She's also shared particularly good and bad toilet with her social media followers. She told Sun newspaper I've always been a bit toilet crazy. No, bitch. You're just No, you are toilet crazy. You're batshit crazy. That's crazy. That's it's been a lifelong fascination, she says.
Speaker: this makes my head hurt. Yeah, no kidding. It's been a lifelong fascination. I'll only post about I wish I could do a British accent post about the particularly good or terrible ones.
Speaker: that need to be celebrated or condemned. Dixon also explained how cleanliness is the most important quality of any good toilet. She shared, you should always leave the loo as if your mother was going in right after you. So strike a match.
Speaker: You know what? It's you crazy. I can you know what? Here's the thing. The genius of it is she has probably zero competition. No, yeah, there's absolutely no. That's out there that is is trying to what? Just trying to upstage her, take her crown, so to speak. This is the world we live in.
Speaker: Yes. Somebody please stop this ride and allow me. Well, here's my question. How old is this chick again? I don't know. It doesn't say how old she is. I guarantee you she's a millennial. I doubt she's like some, you know, 45 year old woman. No, she's more than likely Gen Z. Yeah. And apparently I make summer's head hurt. That makes my head hurt.
Speaker: She's got to do a shit emoji review. That would make it that much better, you know? She has legitimately gotten famous and popular and become a influencer. And I just did air quote emojis for those of you who are listening to this on Spotify because she reviews bathrooms.
Speaker: I don't think it's just the toilet. It can't be just the toilet. It's got to be the bathroom. Because she did say decor. Your mom says, I wonder how many followers she has. If she has more than one, she has two goddamn many. Yeah. Well, yes. That would be something.
Speaker: Look her up on Google. Google that. No, you fuck Google followers. Next time we go live, you'll be like, I follow pretty good. And I like her. We should tell her to do a podcast and let's invite her to the podcast and we'll interview her. She should do a she should do a she should come on our podcast and interview us. Shut up, Jeff.
Speaker: My thing is, you know, I for like two years now, I've been trying to start my YouTube channel. And and the whole in order to do a YouTube channel, you need a niche or niche or whatever to call it. Yeah, she's found hers. You got to give it to her for that.
Speaker: Oh no, 100%. She's definitely found her target audience or whatever you want to call it. I don't know who's worse. I don't know. I don't know if it's her or her followers. Yeah. Well, I don't, I don't think they're like religious followers. Like they're, you know, as in like, Oh, she's got a new review up. Let's go. You know, I doubt it's more of a pretty sure they are.
Speaker: There's got to be at least one it's like she's got a new review But I mean Maybe if you had IBS or something that would be interesting
Speaker: No, you know irritable bowel syndrome where you're like, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom now, but she said this toilet sucks So I'm gonna go the one across the street But if you have IBS, there's no hole wall. She said this No, when you gotta go, yeah, you gotta go amen to that There are since it rained we got freaking these weird
Speaker: fly things they're not quite moths but they float fly like moths and they're coming in my red room i gotta get them out of here fun throw yeah something but they're there as you as you asked me uh earlier about my ants in my yard i told my wife i said let's just burn down the house and we'll get a new one get the insurance and we'll know it without ants
Speaker: And you're like, Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, I got ants, blah, blah, blah. What should I do? And you're like, no, seriously. Like I need no, but it's like, they're not in the house, but they're in the yard. And yesterday when Frank was here and we were out drinking by the yard, we were out leaning up against my car drinking and he, uh, he stepped in the wrong part of the grass for 30 seconds.
Speaker: And he's like, holy shit, I just got bit by something. I guarantee it was an ant. Another koozie. Oh, hello. You sexy son of a bitch. Yeah, no. So yeah, more than like, well, in most cases, I mean, outside of fire ants, which was what it sounds like you have, you know. Right. And I did, I did. We're not there. One bit me today. Yeah. Yeah. And they're kind of black. They're, they're black ants, but they're small.
Speaker: Yeah, we're not there to treat exterior problems. We're there to keep the shit out of your house. If you want something done outside of the house, minus the normal exterior treatment, it costs extra. So can you see that? Let's see what. That's the, what do you want me to do? You want me to identify? That's the things that are flying in my house. Yeah. That is a Southern pain in the ass.
Speaker: Nor read crown law. Uh, it feeds off of, uh, human brain cells. I don't know what the hell is bothering me for then. I don't know. I can barely see the goddamn thing. I see a black thing with, identify that piss guy. You're the bug guy. Not me.
Speaker: I think I got the last one. I'm not very good at identifying bugs, but I am really fucking good at killing them. I'll kill the shit out of them. Absolutely. We'll kill the shit out of you. Yeah. I have no problem. Bugs don't bother me. Cam, I don't know if you're still in here or not, but it'd be cool if you were still in here. Because I'm going to go ahead and put you on blast. There you go.
Speaker: Cam said you're boring, man. He said your co -host is fucking boring. I'm swatting at bugs. So I don't know if he's still here, but he wasn't here. Don't message me on messenger. Say it in here. Be a man.
Speaker: Say it to my face through a text. Our guy Mark finally decided to show up. There he is. Mark hasn't been around for the last couple podcasts. He's probably out there hunting down the Loch Ness penis. I still find that hilarious. He hasn't been in one of our lives since we talked about the Loch Ness monster being a giant whale penis. Yeah, we've destroyed his whole world view. He's like,
Speaker: I've wasted my life. He's like, Glick and Jeff said that the Loch Ness Monster is a whale penis and I have dedicated my life to tracking down the whale penis. A giant dick. Basically what Cade was trying to do because
Speaker: cable cam cam tries to talk shit to me and he knows better because i'm a savage and well you can take it as good as you can receive it well well no i'm a savage and i'll go right for your soul every time so instead of coming at me he was going to come at you but he he hit and ran okay here he said something somebody said something
Speaker: Hey, you haven't been getting the notifications. My ass. You haven't been getting notifications. It's on no, it's on like nine different things. I share it out to like, uh, like every, I, dude, I shared, I shared out this episode and I might get trouble for it. There's a, there's a Facebook page that I follow because I'm from, I live in Newark. Right. There's a Facebook page. It's called Newark, Newark glory hole. Yeah. Because, because.
Speaker: the
Speaker: fucking ghetto trailer park. So like, I live on the west side. So it's cool. Like we're cool over here. You know, we got common sense. Everything else is retards. Yeah. Like I was talking, I was talking to summer yesterday. I was like, I'm going to go, I was going to go grocery store shopping and I was going to go grocery store shopping. I was going to go grocery shopping. I'm going to go buy a grocery store. Yeah.
Speaker: And, uh, of course yesterday I was going to go and all the ads came in the mail yesterday and one of the stores in particular, I was like, Oh man, I haven't been there in years. Oh my goodness. I actually forgot about the store and I was like, I should go down there.
Speaker: And then I looked and I seen that it was on the east side of town. I'm like, yeah, I'm not going. I was like, judge much. And I was like, you know, it's okay to judge that side of town. There's a reason why I know I'm better. Which is actually, I think she asked me, she's like, wait, you think you're better? And I'm like, yes, actually, absolutely. 110 % time. Yes, I'm better than them.
Speaker: But don't take it to art, Jeff. I don't find you boring. I'm not. I know I'm not. I'm literally just as I'm sitting here looking at bugs. Cam's a hater. And he knows he's a hater on me because I'll go after his soul. And I'll do it on this podcast if he starts talking shit. Yeah, let's do it. I'll completely destroy it. Somebody said who? Who? Cam. Oh. Oh, so I'm going to shoot Cam on this. Oh.
Speaker: He cam cam sent me a message that said that jeff was boring Yeah, go ahead and explain it to her. I have to run to the john. I gotta i'm i'm floating here And uh, he camera said don't hate me for this but your podcast partner is boring You're the whole show which I can appreciate that the fact that you know, he gave me love but don't hate on jeff And if you're gonna do it at least do it in the comments where we can where we can have fun with it
Speaker: But I said that I will roast the absolute shit out of Cameron. I'll roast the absolute shit out of anybody. Mine is Summer, because Summer will stab me. And she also does dirty things to me, so I don't want her to ever stop doing the dirty things that she does to me.
Speaker: But he like hit and ran. Like he sent me the message and then he right away, he's not even in here. And if he isn't here, then he probably is just getting mad at me, which, which is fine. He drives me crazy. You shouldn't never go to the bathroom and in the background. Should anybody ever hear you go? Oh shit. No, as I came back, I was like, cause I literally think I've just lost 10 pounds of water weight.
Speaker: That was, that was like a lot. You're going to run down. Well, I'm going to go grab me a couple of beers. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Well, just don't do it like you did when the message you sent me before we started. I literally, for those listening and watching, I guess, uh, before we go live.
Speaker: uh, crystal message me or I'll message him, Hey, what time you want to go live? And he literally sends me a message back. He says, uh, what time are you going to go live today? I said, uh, let's do it about four, four 30, blah, blah, blah. And about 20 minutes before we go live, I'm like, Hey, I'm ready when you are. And he sends a message back. Yeah. I just need to grab a cold beers and you start hearing piss fog. And I'm like, Jesus, like, like he did an ASMR of him pissing.
Speaker: Fucking fire hose But it was but the funny thing is it was I was I was setting up while listening to you and I I'm listening to your message and I don't have my headphones plugged in yet I put my headphones on and just as I plug in is when you start pissing and
Speaker: So I goes from, yeah, I'm almost ready to, as soon as I click, I just get piss flying through my ears. The sound of piss throwing through, throwing through my ears. And I'm like, whoa, didn't say that coming. Not at all. A strong, a strong stream is a sign of a healthy individual. Imagine, just think.
Speaker: Well, you don't actually, I mean, I guess you could think about it if you want, but I don't want to think about you pissing about me pissing. Think about the other thing comes out of there. Yeah. It's a strong history. There's no wonder why you have so many kids.
Speaker: Uh, my, my buddy Frank, his, he, his, uh, his girlfriend's pregnant. And I said, dude, you need a TV because there's your problem right there. Oh, Anthony Davis. What's going on, man? Hey, there he is. I was actually watching. I think he was in a live last night. They were playing Uno. I was in there for a few minutes. Yeah, go ahead. We're going to say about a strong stream.
Speaker: I imagine when, uh, when the old, uh, That's what I said. No wonder why you have so many kids. Well, summer, she was a champ. She never misses a drop. Nice. Get out of my head for a while. I'm not complaining and I'm not making fun of, I love it.
Speaker: I hand to the heavens above. Woo! Nice. You're going to get another ban here in a minute. Nice. There's an image I won't get out of my head for a while.
Speaker: I'm scared. You know what? She's proud of it.
Speaker: Give her a high five. Good job. Hell of a catch. Hell of a catch. Yes, because that's what I do to my wife. High five. No, don't kiss me. High five, but don't kiss me. Go get your mouth out. Let me get you some mouthwash. Go, go, go, go. High five.
Speaker: It's like, it's like, it's like one of those, uh, it's, it's the bottom of the nine down by one, you know, you're, you're up by one.
Speaker: The big Babe Ruth comes up to bat and everybody backs up. He knows and he calls his shot center field and smacks that son of a bitch. Some no -name center fielder just jumps up and yanks that bitch out of the air.
Speaker: Hell yeah, good catch or or you're down by a touchdown And you lob one up in the air for 60 yards Why receiver comes down with it for a touchdown It's a good thing
Speaker: I'm praising you. Yes, I get you're totally praising her. But that is an image I don't want in my head. Because once again, summer to me is a dude. The high five, the high five after just solidifies the whole dude thing.
Speaker: but she gets up to walk out of the room and slap her on the ass. Good game. Good game. High five. Which, which, I mean... Get your head in the game. Which in all honesty, in all honesty...
Speaker: 100 % all honesty that could go both ways. Oh yeah. It could be, it can be received like the high five thing you're talking about. Yeah. Can be received excellent. Like she's like, yeah, right on. Or she's like, I fucking hate you. No, no, it goes both ways because she knows that I go ears deep when I do what I do. Well, yeah. Back to your Tik TOK video. I'm an old, I'm an old man. Yeah. I am too. Do you think I,
Speaker: I'm doing that for you. I'm doing that. I'm doing that for later on. Uh, no, I do it. I do it because I, I actually, I do. I do. It has nothing to do about later on, but it, it does. There's something about her getting the big O that is just like, fuck yeah, I did that.
Speaker: The high five is like, bless your heart. And he said the high five is like, bless your heart in the South is a good job. Good job. Like, yeah, I never, I never, uh, in the sports I played, I never.
Speaker: done something good in a sport and gotten bless your heart. Bless your heart is more like a Oh, you poor thing. Exactly. When you see when you see the the three foot tall guy come up to going up against a you know, Floyd Mayweather in a fight, you're like, Oh, bless his heart. He's gonna get fucked up. My girlfriend, she's 100 % born and bred in the south. She don't hurt
Speaker: So trust me, it's not a bless your heart woman. It's a hell yeah. I'm still laying on the bed. I can barely raise my hand. My soul lift my body. My soul back woman.
Speaker: Give it, I'm like, Hey, grab this right here on my wrist. High five yourself. Help me up cause my back hurts. High five yourself. I have nothing left in you. It's a good thing. And we're not, it's not a bad thing in any way. No, that's no, but, but my thing is though, not necessarily what I would think at a high five moment it is, but wouldn't cross my mind to be like,
Speaker: High five. I think if I tried that on my wife, she'd smack me. This is not a high five moment. And the fact that it goes both ways because I don't think she would deny it, but if she ever tried to deny it,
Speaker: It's just not happening. And if I have to, I'll get video proof of it. Where there's good moments. Do not email me. Do not message me that video. I don't want to see that. I feel like there's been moments where I've almost got kicked in the face because I won't stop. Yes. I've gotten yelled at for not stopping. I said stop. Oh, sorry. You can't go anymore. Yeah. But I've gotten give me a minute a lot.
Speaker: Give me a minute to recover. I probably will get in trouble for this discussion. Oh, hence why I'm egging it on. Why don't you go back to being boring there, pal?
Speaker: Yeah, no shit. Yeah. Call me boring. Watch this. I might not be the most well endowed individual. I might not be able to do some things that other Well, you know, they say it's not how deep you fish. It's how you wiggle your worm. But I did tell I did tell summer that I would make her tap out. Listen, I have. Oh, you do have you do have bad skills, but I also
Speaker: I possess a certain set of skills. Yeah. Amen to that. I will find it. Well, I know, I know for a fact, I know for a fact, I'm not going to last all night, but I know a way to make it last all night. Yeah. It's going to take me a while to finish because I'm last, but I will make you go first. But I told Summer, um, one time when we was in the early stages and we were talking and
Speaker: and whatnot, I said, you know, she said something about nobody's ever made her tap out or something like that. I said, Oh, I can make you tap out. One and done my ass. One and done please. I was like, I can make you tap out. I keep, I keep telling my wife, I said, we're going to go for Guinness. We're going to call Guinness one of these days. We're going for the record. Stop it. No, I'm talking about consensual.
Speaker: Not consent, but we're not a guy conceptual. What's it called? Uh, in order. Oh, I'm done after I'm done. Oh my God. Uh -oh. You said I did. She told me, she told me that I could not make her tap out. I got it. Ooh.
Speaker: And I don't want you can tell me this story. You can totally tell me this, the story, but I don't want to see the video of proof. Yeah, you was not a full weekend and you were not sensitive. It was, it was an early stage and you know, goddamn well, I'm not going to be done. You better stop lying because, because first of all, I'll be the first one to admit if I'm one and done, everybody knows. Oh, I am too. I got a little dick. I got a little dick. I'll tell the world. I got a little dick.
Speaker: And if I was one and done, I'd be like, yeah, I'm one and done. I got mine, girl. It's a race and I'm winning. Hashtag, I'm fucking Dale Earnhardt up in this bitch. You ain't first, you last. There you go. No, I made you tap out. It was not a long weekend. She was not sensitive. I made you tap out early on in the game. I've had my wife tap out a couple of times.
Speaker: but once again, I will literally go until I'm told to stop. Yeah. I've made summertime on a couple of times, but, um, but I also, it's, it's, it's okay. So this is so weird. It's, it's weird to me and it's new to me to have somebody that isn't going to be like,
Speaker: no don't do that yes i did yes i did no that was that would not like shoot me down so like i don't have a low sex drive i guess it's kind of uh um at a medium pace yeah it's like uh i'm not really okay it is what it is if it happens it happens right i'm not very i'm not very aggressive in that area because uh
Speaker: I, you know, I was married for several years and my ex -wife used to shoot me down all the time because, you know, she was getting in another places. Honestly? Yeah. Hit a soft spot, apparently. Chris was silent. No, no, no. I was reading, I always tap out what we have for, for
Speaker: for four days straight and tap out before we've gone four days straight. Stop it. Just give me my, give me my kudos that I throw the dog a bone here. I was not blessed with a big penis. So I developed a certain, I am the same way. I am the same way. I was not blessed with the ability to, to pump all night, but I can,
Speaker: I can finish a meal. I'll put it that way. Like Liam Neeson. I have a particular set of skills. Damn into that. If Liam Neeson was in a porn, it would... He would literally be saying, I'm... He's staring with a leg spread going, I'm... I will find you. I will find you. I will make you come over.
Speaker: and over and over again. So, you know, like I said, you know, I was not blessed with a very large penis, but I was blessed in the fact that I knew that and it was like, okay, well, I have to develop others. Well, that's that's the whole thing. Guys,
Speaker: Well, like girls will sit there and say, Oh, I don't like my nose around like that. Where guys like, Oh, man, I think I've got a big nose. Ah, fuck it. Whatever. We get over it really quick. So like you, you were saying you were not blessed with a large penis. You don't dwell on it.
Speaker: So you learned the skill to actually compensate for it. Yeah, I just make fun of it. Because I'm not going to be that guy that's in a bar or in a crowded group of guys like, oh, I've got the biggest penis in the room. Yeah, calm down because you're you're it's like the guy who it's like the guy who has to tell everyone that he's an alpha man.
Speaker: Yeah. You're an alpha male. No, you're not, bro. That's the guy that gets his ass kicked first. The simple fact that you've told everybody in this bar at least 10 times that you're an alpha male. Proves that you're not. That you're just a beta. So calm down. Yeah. You're going to get your ass handed to you. Well, it's, um, it all goes down to pretty much anything. No matter how good you are at something, there's always somebody better at you and know how big you are. There's always somebody bigger.
Speaker: Well, that's going back to a whole Liam Neeson thing. There's nobody, there's always a bigger fish. There's nobody better than me at what I do. There's only one way to really tell that. And, uh, since I see summer as a dude, I can't, I can't confirm. Oh.
Speaker: I know you told me I have good skills. So yeah. So what I was saying was like, essentially I went from somebody who was constantly turning me down and like, do somebody's like, I'm ready. Yeah. To somebody who has got a fucking sex drive up here. Just like, Oh, I like this. You tell me you can do this anytime you want. Uh, yeah. So, so I said, I have told you, I have good skills and I tell the world,
Speaker: That's why I have them DS. You ain't wrong about them DS. She said, I will steal your soul. I will steal your soul. I said, nobody's soul. And she said, okay, give me my soul back. Give it back right now.
Speaker: Yes. Star, star, star. We've talked about summer's personalities in the past. Star would make Jenna Jamison look like a nun. Nice.
Speaker: Mom, if you are still listening, don't look up who Jenna Jamison is. You don't want to see those images. Mom, look up Jenna Jamison. And Ron Jeremy. Summer said hashtag soul sucker.
Speaker: I'm still trying to find Dyson. Summer's new identity is Dyson. I'm still looking for mine. I'm like, I know there's some bitches around here somewhere. God damn. Jesus H. Jesus H. Christ. Cheese and rice. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm like, I didn't even know I could speak Latin until I met somebody. How do you think my wife gets me to speak Spanish? You're going to learn tonight, boy. I'm going, okay. I'm going exorcism. I'm going exorcism in my bedroom. My father, the spirit, the Holy Ghost.
Speaker: The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you. Fucking my bones are... shit's fucking... My head's spinning backwards. Why is Chris sitting on top of the... in the corner of the ceiling? I don't know.
Speaker: That is the one thing you have to learn to deal with summer. We're going to take it to the far reaches of our imaginations. There's no holding back.
Speaker: I feel like if we were to, to just start the podcast, every, every episode is completely off the rails with the most nonsensical bullshit. It does take a little while to get warmed up. We're kind of like a train. I use this analogy when I'm, when I'm working on something, I'm kind of like a train. It takes me a little while to get going, but once I get going, I can't stop.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. So it takes me a while to stop too. So basically, we're, we're, we're a, a, a train. A locomotive. Where a locomotive with the coal engine. Yeah. And the, and the coal is, is, is, is Budweiser.
Speaker: And then at that two hour mark, at the two hour mark, we're like, we could go longer. Where's your wife at? She's at work, right? Yeah, she is at work. However, I do have to start cooking soon, which is why I wanted to go as early as I did because I'm actually getting hungry.
Speaker: We actually got we got ribs the other day that last night Frank ordered ribs. He's like, Oh, what's something good we can eat? It's a lot of and we got a kilo and a half of
Speaker: They're the best way to describe it is like Chinese spare ribs. They don't have, there's no sauce on them or anything. They're, they're not, not necessarily dry, but they're, they're not soaked in barbecue sauce and all that stuff. There are amazing. And we ordered a kilo and a half between
Speaker: Oh, the salt and pepper and seasoning, you know, but there's no, they don't, they don't put sauce on it. Once again, back to, to, uh, recipes by Jeff. Yeah. What were the nonsensical nonsense where we can go from talking about sex to talking about cooking ribs, dry rub on it. There's no such thing as dry rub when it comes to summer. I'm just saying.
Speaker: But, uh, we ordered, we ordered a kilo and a half. They brought us a kilo and a half and we ate about a half a kilo. So I have a kilo ribs in my fridge that I just need to get up. You got to stop with this kilo bullshit. Sorry. Two pounds. Oh, so you've got another whole pound and a half of, well, a kilo is two and a half pounds. So you still have two and a half pounds of ribs.
Speaker: Yeah, go for take. Run downstairs, I'll keep talking, run downstairs, put him in the oven, turn it on, turn it on late, put it on low. Well, see, if the easiest reference I do for kilos to pounds is from the movie Blow with Johnny Depp. Never seen it. Because he's, really? Excellent movie. He crosses - Don't fucking judge me, you haven't seen the fly. Okay, yeah, but literally,
Speaker: The fly is not based on a reality. Yeah. The movie blow is because Jeff Goldblum turns into a fly. Nice. Make sure, make sure, make sure you, uh, play your poop. Yeah. Um.
Speaker: Parker, Parker, our youngest son, every time summer goes to poop at the house, he tells Alexa to play the poop song. Don't let me forget about this, but we're going to play around with Alexa because he discovered something. Tell me about your ribs, but I discovered something about Alexa in our, in our podcast. Well, no, but.
Speaker: The reference that I do from kilos to pounds is in the movie blow, Johnny Depp's character lands at an airport with 50 kilos. And he said, that's 110 pounds. So basically one kilo is one and a half pounds.
Speaker: Something like that. It's like 1 .2 pounds or something like that. 1 .3 or something like that. I'm just going to dumb it down for me and I'm going to double a kilo in any of you math petitions out there. There you go. If you have a problem with it, you can lick my asshole. Yeah. That's basically how I figure it. But it's like one and a half, I call it about one and a half pounds. So we ordered two pounds of ribs last night and we only ate about half a pound.
Speaker: Nice. Well, like I said, go throw them in the oven, put it on low, tell the kids in about five, 10 minutes, it'll be warmed up enough to where you can eat them.
Speaker: And, uh, your son's old enough, he can pull them out and then bring us up here and let's keep bullshitting. Uh, Anthony said, uh, hang on. Anthony said, uh, they were probably seasoned with, uh, dry tea leaves. A lot of people do that. I don't know what their season was, but that kills me. They're amazing. Yeah. I was, I was looking at Anthony's comment. Uh, and, um, when I was looking at it, it says,
Speaker: 15, welcome back, Leslie. Leslie, since there's like 15 people watching us on Haps, and we've gotten six hearts and likes and this, that, and the other thing. Why don't these people ever, why don't you talk to us? Just fucking - Yeah, say something, man. Yeah. Besides the people that say something all the time, if you're watching right now, uh -oh, somebody's - Uh -oh.
Speaker: Five, somebody's fact checks. I keep checking us. Anthony said five, five kilometers is 3 .1 miles. I know that because I've walked a few five K's. So Leslie, so Jeff, I'm assuming you and Leslie went to school together. Leslie. Oh, actually, uh, actually one of the first girls I ever dated. Oh, fair enough. She said, Jeff, Akilo actually weighs a little over two pounds.
Speaker: Well, there you go. So would have made it as a drug dealer. So I was right. And you were wrong. Oh, well, there you go. Well, like I said, I literally go off the reference. No, I go off the reference from the movie blow. 50 kilos is 110 pounds. No, no, no. Suck it. Suck it.
Speaker: But it all comes down to when you say you order a kilo, it doesn't sound like a lot, but then it shows up and you're like, holy shit, this is a ton. Nope. Only thing I took from this was I was right. Yes, I would have made a terrible drug dealer. We get it.
Speaker: Leslie, I think this was directed and she would nod at me, but it was, it was, uh, which makes sense. No, I actually do have to go. Cause I gotta get, uh, stuff ready. Cause I can't just eat ribs. I gotta make something else with it.
Speaker: Oh, this guy's got his panties in a bunch. I'm gonna do a lot. I'm gonna do a lot. I'm just gonna just talk shit about you the whole time. That's fine. That's fine. I'll be busy cooking. I won't. I won't see it. No, you'll see it. You'll see it. It'll pop up. I'm somewhere somewhere. Somebody will fucking tag me in every fucking every fucking channel. I will. I will.
Speaker: get on the stairs and get your dinner on the oven. Tell, tell Kevin and Michelle to come up and actually tell Jeff to set his ass down and let Michelle because Michelle was a little, I think it's her name. Was it her name? Michelle there. My mom climbed in a kilo is 2 .2 pounds.
Speaker: Cause just a pussy won't fucking keep going.
Speaker: I am the champion. I am the champion of the world. There you go. You and your little dick. All you guys have to do from now on is just hashtag Glick is right. Jeff is a dummy and Glick is right. What are you gonna do?
Speaker: I never claimed to be the smartest person on this podcast. I don't even know what the hell you're talking about. You keep talking about kilos and then you don't want to try to, you want to, you want to try to dumb it, like make it scientific. And I'm like, Oh, we're just going to call it two pounds from here on out. And then everybody's like, basically, oddly enough, what I get confused is kilometers and kilos.
Speaker: When it went, the conversion, I get confused. Obviously I know what a kilometer is and what a kilo is, but what I'm saying is the conversion, I get confused. I don't know what any of it is. Because a kilometer is one point, one and a half miles. I'm American. We do miles. Or vice versa. Yeah, the only country on the planet. Because we're American, we're the greatest goddamn country
Speaker: You don't like us? Say something. I'll punch you in the mouth. You think you're a grizzly bear? Well, America's slick and America will fight you. Mike Mayo. Who the hell is Mike Mayo? Mike Mayo says point six. Mike. Point six? Okay, there you go. Mike Mayo actually, he lives down here. He's from Texas. We didn't ask you. I believe. What is point six?
Speaker: According to Joe Biden.
Speaker: 1 .6 miles is a kilometer 1 .6 is is a kilometer. Yeah Or 0 .6 miles. No, it's 0 .6 miles to to a kilometer Call half. No, it's like a half a mile. We'll call it. I'm there's like half a mile or rounding up. We're calling it a mile Tell that to your speedometer America
Speaker: America. We're like undefeated in wars. You want to keep playing? We don't bitch slap England. We don't bitch slap Germany twice. Not once, not once, but twice we don't bitch slap Germany and Japan. To be at Kong, well, we didn't have no business being there, but we still slapped the shit out of them.
Speaker: and uh Korea we shot taste out their mouth Cuba and the Cuba missile crisis and and what the 80s that just showed that Cuba were a bunch of fucking punks and we're like well we showed our dicks down their throat desert storm desert storm welcome to the party all right welcome to the party pal Iraq didn't have their dancing shoes on fucking civil war
Speaker: So is America. Welcome to party. Well fucking Judy chopped them with Judy chopped the shit out of them. We done beat ourselves off in a war. We're so goddamn good we got bored and beat ourselves off. Murica baby.
Speaker: Well, however, it is that time. My wife literally just walked up the driveway. I just saw her. This vagina has to leave. Hey, what are you going to do, man? All right. I'll get a tampon. Hopefully go get some vagina. Unlike you, where you'd have to go all the way down. I know. Enjoy your, enjoy your wife fall asleep by the couch with their friend again.
Speaker: Yeah, no kidding, right? Well, hopefully her friend's not gonna come over tonight, so she'll fall asleep next to me.
Speaker: Hey, baby. How you doing? So, I was feeling the soft redwoods tonight. Yeah, there you go. We should watch Hannah Montana. We probably will. It wouldn't surprise me a bit. Yeah, you're talking shit. You're talking shit like, uh, go ahead. Go get you something. I'm going to give me some Hannah Montana video. You while grass is watching Hannah Montana until you guys fall asleep. I'm going to.
Speaker: i'm feeling a little extra froggy tonight tonight i don't gotta i don't gotta work tomorrow i think uh then i'm gonna grab my charger and uh i might jump back on haps yeah and then then i won't post this i'll post a solo because you're fucking boring no you're not boring don't
Speaker: Don't don't believe the hype Chris don't believe that Jeff is boring and I could do this on my own The first the first hours Chris going so we're here
Speaker: Waiting on somebody to comment. What's up? How's it going, guys? My mom says 6 .2 or 6 .62 miles. I'm reading backwards. Yeah, we rounded up to a mile. Round up. Don't believe the hype. Don't let these haters come in here and shit on Jeff. He's my guy.
Speaker: You're talking to my guy all wrong. And if you do it again, I stab you in the neck with a solder knife. I can't do it, Christopher Walken. I wish I could. I was going to say that's, that's Christopher Walken. You got on a whole Joe Dirt thing here today. The flying ice shit and the stabbing somebody in the eye with a solder gun. Speaking of Joe Dirt. So, um, where, where Summer at her, where the store that she runs where she's the boss.
Speaker: They have this silly board up and it's like you don't have to put your name and I think your age and your aspirations and all this stuff. And your favorite quote. And I was like, oh man, I'm getting so much trouble with that word. You're my sister, I'm your sister.
Speaker: Cause cause I was, I was like, I was like, I would put up life's a garden, dig it, dig it. And one of the guys that she works with who I don't, I think I've only met this kid once, but I love this kid. He's awesome. Uh, he put up the whole, the whole Joe dirt quote from where they interviewed him on the radio. And I was like, hell yeah. Did you see the sequel?
Speaker: No, I want to watch the first one. I like, I have, I've only seen the first one like once or twice and I want to watch it again, but I, the sequels kind of weak sauce. But is the sequel, does the sequel even have David's fate in it? Oh yeah. Yeah. How often, how often do y 'all do these bod tennis? I can't do that. We do it Wednesdays and Saturdays. Typically Wednesdays and Saturdays camp. Oh, that's your hater. Jeff, that's your hater. That's all right. Fuck him. Don't tell him.
Speaker: Don't tell him. Tell him what's on your mind. Tell him what's on your mind. Tell him how you feel. Say something in the comments. Bring it on. I don't care. Show me on the doll where he touched you. Whoop that bunny rabbit's ass. You guys are about the same size. There you go. He looks a little bit more pedophile than you.
Speaker: Once again, as long as I can run faster than him, I'm okay. That'd be an interesting foot race.
Speaker: I'm not fast because I'm such a heavy smoker. Nonsense, well nonsense. Charity challenge. You can race Cam. I can fight a retarded kangaroo and a grizzly bear in the same night. I'm still saying that kangaroo video I sent you. That thing was jacked. It literally looked like miniature John Cena.
Speaker: Dude, he was small compared to some of the other. Oh, I know. But he was jacked. There are some jacked ass kangaroos out there. And they're jacked, but they've never worked out once. He said he said your best moment was the aquatic child abuse that you went through. He's talking about the dolphin shit.
Speaker: He's talking about him saying I was molested by a dolphin. As I said, I will, I will roast the absolute ever living hell of anybody and everybody. And basically, basically, if I can make a nerd reference, I am, I am the Obi Wan, Luke Skywalker.
Speaker: Well, Winterfell, you know, they carried the ring to the Starship Enterprise. Yeah. But in Winterfell, which is a game of throat reference. And they went through the closet door into Narnia. Mr. Thomas. Oh, it's a gigantic scar. What the hell? Are you hearing that? Yeah. Can you hear that? What is that?
Speaker: and Lord of the Rings.
Speaker: That's my wife sending me messages because she's waiting for me to finish Tell her I will steal your soul
Speaker: I will destroy your gigantic score. The rivers will flow. She's she's the one sending me messages on on WhatsApp, and that's the that's her message alert. But yeah, let's go and wrap up because I got to go downstairs and cook because she keeps sending me messages. Oh, God, my microphone just fell. Nice.
Speaker: I got this.
Speaker: All right, guys. We're going to end this because Jeff's about to be in trouble because yeah, pretty much his, his wife doesn't allow him to have fun. I however, make my own decisions in life. I am a man. I can actually only say that because summer's not here right now. Who's going to say wait till summer moves in. Then we'll see. I whispered since she can't hear me.
Speaker: No, in all honesty, if Summer was here right now, she'd probably be like, right here, just fucking with me constantly. Touching my little pecker. You know, you want to end your life. Like, Jeff, I gotta go. Why don't you do this, and I'll stay alive. Yeah, there you go. Oh, God. Something wrong, Chris? No.
Speaker: But yeah, let's go ahead and wrap up so I can get something to eat because I'm starving. All right guys. I appreciate y 'all. Well, not I, but we, we, yes, we appreciate y 'all listening. Uh, chatters. We appreciate you guys. Facebook haps and all that jazz. You guys aren't already. Look how professional I can go like that. I know. That's a, that's a true sign. That's amazingness of us. Fucking not us, me.
Speaker: but we do appreciate you guys listening hopefully you've enjoyed this bullshit dumpster fire of a podcast i don't even know really actually earns the right of being called a dumpster fire but um your money's on summer
Speaker: She said her money's not somewhere. That's a good betting choice. But anyways, we do appreciate you guys listening. Thank you guys who watched live and was chatting away with us. If you're not already, make sure you follow us on the Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, all at nonsensical nonsense. And if you want to send us an email, nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com. Did you fucking nail that?
Speaker: I'm on it tonight. If you could do that every time, that would be... Oh my God. That's my contribution to the podcast. I can say the email.
Speaker: I mean, he can run away. I can just keep going. It doesn't really follow us on, uh, check us out on Spotify. Um, or you can get every episode of the podcast and, uh, yeah, so we'll be back Wednesday. Hopefully do this live bullshit again. And, uh, discuss my mother some more.
Speaker: Leslie said, we made her day. There you go. Jeff's mother is currently at a Catholic church. She's not Catholic. She is Catholic. She's confessing her sins. She's very Catholic. She's very Catholic. So she's confessing her sins. Denouncing me. Father Joseph is telling her to do 47 Hail Marys. And pray for our souls.
Speaker: But no, in all honesty, thank you guys. Obviously, another, another overture. It don't matter. We don't have a set time frame. Nothing that we do is set in stone. We just do it. But we are out of here. I'm probably going to come back and hang out with you guys for a little bit longer. Yeah. I'm not going to get yelled at. No, I gotta go. I gotta go. Like I said, I gotta get cooking. Don't get cooking, bitch. Yep. Do what you gotta do.
Speaker: All right. We're out of here. I'm hitting the buttons. Jeff. I don't know why I said Kevin, but Jeff, there you go. That's what I was looking for was the deuces waiting for the deuces. I got to figure out how to turn this goddamn thing off.
Speaker: Speak up now darling Your growing faint My technicolor view Yours turning gray Twist the antenna round Guess there's something wrong There's nothing but a white noise now The signal's gone
Speaker: Gone, gone, gone I sit alone now The screen is cracked
Speaker: I hit the side again but the picture won't come back I tried to wait it out but I fell asleep near dawn I guess I won't know how it ends The signal's gone Gone, gone, gone
Speaker: Gone gone gone
Speaker: you
