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39: Michelle From Mama Hu Hears on Self-Advocacy & Parent Support
503 Plays1 year ago
Michelle, audiologist and hard of hearing adult, discusses her own experiences with hearing aids and CIs, self advocacy, and supporting parents of DHH students.
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Introduction to Todd Pod and Special Guest Michelle
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello, and welcome to the Todd Pod, a podcast to support itinerant teachers of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, SLPs, and other deaf education professionals. I'm Deanna Barlow from Listening Fun, and today we have a special guest, Michelle, from Mama Who Hears. Thanks so much for being here, Michelle. I'm so excited to be here. This is going to be so much
Michelle's Journey and Community Building
00:00:23
Speaker
fun. Yes. Can you tell everyone a little bit about yourself? Yeah, so I am a pediatric audiologist. I've been practicing for almost 15 years now.
00:00:32
Speaker
And I grew a part of hearing myself during COVID. I was missing my patients or actually during my second maternity leave, I was missing my patients and just the connection between them, their parents. And I thought, huh, what if I started sharing?
00:00:50
Speaker
some personal experiences to be able to help those patients or those little kiddos by way of helping the parents. So I firmly believe the environment you grow up in is going to affect you negative, positive, however which way. And if I could affect that or influence that environment for the kids a little bit, then all the better because I know my mom
00:01:15
Speaker
didn't have Google, didn't have any community resources to lean on when she was a hearing mom of a deaf and hard of hearing kid herself. And I'm thinking, what can I do? What can I do to support that mom? What can I do to support that little, little kid, Michelle?
00:01:31
Speaker
And my community was kind of born.
Early School Experiences and Advocacy
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah. I feel like it's so helpful to follow you on Instagram because you have like all the audiology information, but then also like the lived experience information. And it's just like a double whammy of helpful information. Thank you. Thank you. That's what I'm hoping for. So this podcast is mostly for teachers of the deaf. So I'd love to hear a lot about like your education experience and like if you had a TOD and what school looked like for you as a child growing up with hearing loss.
00:02:00
Speaker
So I first got identified with mild hearing when I was about three to four years old. My preschool teacher said to my mom, Michelle is kind of sneaking off during story time. She's not doing anything bad, but she's coming to herself where she's reading her book on her own. I think she's having trouble hearing me when I'm reading the story. And my mom was just flabbergasted because
00:02:23
Speaker
I was conversing in English and Chinese. I was learning how to read. I was talking. And she thought maybe it was my brother who wasn't very talkative.
School Accommodations and Teacher Support
00:02:34
Speaker
But no, I had mild hearing levels. And I don't remember anything in school until maybe
00:02:42
Speaker
third grade. So I knew in first grade, I had another sudden drop. And my mom sat next to me in first grade for like three days, when to my teacher, Mrs. Johnson, I'm still friends with her to this day. She said to my mom, Pauline, Michelle's going to be okay. Like she's paying attention. She's, you know, on top of it. Not to minimize it, but we're just learning colors and maybe numbers or whatever.
00:03:09
Speaker
But I do remember my mom had to be my advocate. She said, you know, so Kara Flexer was my pediatric audiologist and she was saying, you know, preferential seating doesn't necessarily mean like right in front of the classroom. What could we even do back then? Notes ahead of time. I did have a Comtech FM system.
Impact of Advocacy on Confidence and Self-Advocacy
00:03:29
Speaker
So a neck looper on my neck.
00:03:31
Speaker
body-worn box on me, another body-worn box with a wired microphone for the teacher. In first and second grade, I'm like, do I go up to the teacher? Luckily, I don't think we switched classrooms. The music teacher came to us, so she wore the microphone. And then I think around third grade, we had maybe a special education person. She was not a teacher of the deaf, and she was not an educational audiologist.
00:03:55
Speaker
She was someone who helped me charge for FM in the after school, helped me fix it if it was broken. Did you have a hearing aid at that time? I had hearing aids since age three, right? There were no closed captions on the television yet or videos. So I remember, you know, the VCR coming in.
00:04:17
Speaker
with the tv on a big cart everyone would get excited and i would too but i don't think i ever heard any of the words yeah i just realized last december what frosty the snowman was saying because i find there was a closed caption version
00:04:33
Speaker
So I don't know. Those cartoons are tricky. They were very tricky and that probably made me not want to go to the movie theaters. I didn't go to movie theaters for probably 15 years. Watching TV shows was hard. I didn't know many of the characters' names unless my brother told me or if it was written somewhere. I did go to speech therapy at school with maybe two or three other kids.
00:04:56
Speaker
But my mom really, really had to be an advocate for me, telling the teachers, this is what my audiologist said. This is how the FM system works. This is what you need to buy for her. So nothing was set in place. I don't even know if I I must have had an IEP. Honestly, this is something I've heard a lot from people who are like around your age that their parents were the ones doing the advocating and that they were it was not like unofficial, but it was a lot more like
00:05:24
Speaker
the parent just telling them what to do and then them doing it. It wasn't as formalized as it might be now with Teachers of the Deaf. Back then, we had physicians telling our parents what to do, and then they had to relay that information. Their work was set in place to say, these are the minimum requirements for Michelle. I do remember my teacher putting tennis balls on the chairs after finding out about me so it would be quiet, but that's the benefit for everybody.
Supporting Hearing-Impaired Children and Parents
00:05:51
Speaker
Absolutely. I did have a teacher who said, I'm loud enough. I don't want to wear this. And either me or my mom said, no, you have to. Yeah. That is one of my pet peeve things that teachers say. And then I go into my whole rant about how it's not about volume. It's about clarity. But it is a little frustrating. Mostly gym teachers I get it from, but I do get it from other teachers as well. Education and awareness. I didn't realize this until recently.
00:06:20
Speaker
But one of the coolest things about my elementary school life was my principal utilized a wheelchair. So I had disability awareness and inclusivity around when I was younger. I remember he took our class out to the parking lot and showed us how he got into his car.
00:06:40
Speaker
and how he drove his car without use of his legs, and we were all like, this is so cool, and now we know how this is a possibility. I think it might have started or inspired just, there are possibilities outside of what we can physically see, and I really appreciated that. Yeah, thinking back, if you had had a TOD, or just as an adult thinking about it, what could a TOD have done to really support you? What would have made the biggest impact, do you think?
00:07:07
Speaker
I think advocacy, learning how to say what I needed to say or learning how to figure out what it is that I need. I mean, I meet adults all the time who still don't know how to figure out what they need and they're just frustrated, right? So what are the tools? What are the questions you can ask yourself?
00:07:26
Speaker
what is bothering me? Okay, is it bothering me because why and what would help that situation? So how can I get to that solution sooner? I don't know if like sometimes in speech therapy, they would do different scenarios, but role modeling, having another person who's potentially been through it or has seen it before, like a TOD or an educational audiologist to be able to talk to about like, I wish my hearing aids were invisible, or
00:07:55
Speaker
people notice that my speech is a little bit different. And it bothers me, you know, I really think that we did the best with what we could with the tools that we had. I had a carbon paper note taker buddy, or I had cart services in college, high school, I really
00:08:16
Speaker
thrived as a cultural chameleon, you know, looking back, I back then was proud that I blended in with the hearing community. And now I'm much more no, this is what I am. And I would like accessibility. I would like inclusivity. So it is what it is. I don't have any regrets. I don't I'm not angry at my parents or anything like that. I am just looking to move forward.
00:08:42
Speaker
And to help all of those others either just stand on my shoulder. This is what worked for me. This is what didn't work for me. How can I get you to that mindset sooner than going through 10 years of school and only realizing in college that this is available? So social media, podcasts like yours are so amazing because you're able to bring resources to people sooner and faster.
00:09:04
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's really the key is like, I think a lot of it does come with maturity, like a lot of people will get there eventually, just being more confident in who they are, like as an adult and like growing into themselves. But like we can help them get there faster, like a high schooler can get there, if they're given like the right support, when they're younger, if they're never made to feel
00:09:24
Speaker
like having hearing aids or cochlear implants is bad. Like, yes, it's a different and that's okay. And that's, it is like that just everybody has things that are different about them. And you deserve accessibility. Just like you said, it's not something to hide. It's something to
Parenting Differences and Unique Journeys
00:09:38
Speaker
just know what you need and know how to ask for it. And I feel like I see a big difference in kids who have services. I work a lot in early intervention, because I really love like getting in on like the ground level. But I really see a difference with Yeah, it should literally like I feel like
00:09:51
Speaker
The kids who have strong services when they're little, the confidence they have talking about their hearing devices in third, fourth, fifth grade is just so different. They're so almost nonchalant about it. They're like, yeah, I have hearing aids. What about it? I need to stick closer. I need this. I need that.
00:10:09
Speaker
And they just have a confidence about them that I admire because I don't think I had that kind of confidence in third grade about anything. But I think it's nice that we can do that. Like you said, they might get there with maturity, but we can help them reach that level of confidence a lot sooner if we support them.
00:10:30
Speaker
Yeah, and it's communication, it's community, it's opening people's eyes and raising awareness because everything that's around now, like in terms of disability wise, was around back then, but we didn't know maybe. So we have so many different resources, technology, if you want to use technology, ways of communicating and raising awareness and educating so that we can actually take our minds around it because
00:11:00
Speaker
The biggest struggle is up here. I tell parents all the time, it's harder on you than it is on your kid. Your kid has the tools that they have and they have the life that they have. You are helping guiding a child through a journey that you may not have been through. Or if you have been, they're going through the journey with different sets of tools, different resources, completely different environments.
Tips for Teachers of the Deaf (TODs)
00:11:23
Speaker
And bottom line, completely different parents. I am much a different parent to my children than my mom was to me. Maybe I'm this way because they were that way or in spite of that way. It just is what it is. Yeah. Speaking of parents, do you have any tips for TODs who want to support parents? Usually, most of us are working within the confines of a school system. So it's a little bit different, maybe not as direct. But I know you do do a lot of work in supporting parents, especially
00:11:50
Speaker
newly diagnosed children. So I like I love what you just said like about that phrasing. I feel like that's really helpful that if you're talking to a parent who's having a hard time, you can use that kind of phrasing when you're talking to them. So if you have any tips for supporting parents, especially for like school age children, I'd love to hear them create a safe space for them.
00:12:09
Speaker
give them time to get comfortable with you. And one of the most valuable tools that you have as a health care clinician or health care provider is silence, like that comfortable silence where they can feel safe coming to you with what they may think is the dumbest question ever. But it's hindering them from, you know, making a play date with another mom or purchasing
00:12:37
Speaker
I don't know, a visual board for their kid because they don't want to draw attention to the fact that their family, you know, has a disability or that they are a deaf and hard of hearing family. So giving them a sense of safe community and it could be open office hours. It could be you're vulnerable with them about something that's going on in your life. It could be polling them and asking like, when can we do a meetup?
00:13:07
Speaker
And even if it's like zero attendance, zero attendance, zero attendance, still have it because that could be the saving grace for one mom or dad. Cause I know sometimes it's a pain in the butt to organize something for everybody and find a time for them all to meet. But when you can create a connection between you and them and then within each other.
00:13:29
Speaker
That's when it starts to come closer, closer together. And I like doing things that don't even revolve around anything DHH. Cool. You want to have a smoothie day? Great. We're going to work in noise. We're going to come up with a whole bunch of different ingredients. We're going to cook something. It's going to be nutritious or it's going to be totally like.
00:13:47
Speaker
sugary sweet or whatever and then get excited and you know like the little kids will bond or you know they'll find out oh my gosh we both like race cars or we both like kitty cats whatever it is and you go from there so just so much of the world now is child-led why not why can't
00:14:05
Speaker
the adults be led to. Why can't we be treated like young ones and have fun also? Because I used to have speech therapy as an adult or a teenager. I'm like, man, this is so boring now. We don't get to play the games. That's funny. Well, maybe people who do adult rehab should get some games.
00:14:27
Speaker
I really love crocheting. Okay, let's do a whole thing around that. Let's have a conversation, whatever. I think that's really good advice to remember that the parents are not just parents. They're individual people with their own emotions and their own feelings and their own personalities. They have interests outside of their children. That's a lot of good ways to create that safe space with them and then just to focus on, like you said, maybe listening more than speaking.
00:14:54
Speaker
just giving them that space to talk. I've also noticed that I tend to be one of those people that tries to jump in with a solution every turn. And I have to remind myself, they're not looking for a solution in this moment. They're just looking for me to hear them. So I just need to take a step back and just let them vent or talk or cry or whatever it is. And then when the time is right, we can figure out, we can come to a solution together instead of me just trying to put a band-aid on everything because they are going through their own journey that's separate from what their kids are going through.
00:15:21
Speaker
And we work with children all of the time. Take a look and see if you can step back and look at the child in that parent,
Building Advocacy Skills in Children
00:15:30
Speaker
because that's what they're reverting to. Their instincts are still that five-year-old self. So if they're along this journey, they don't know how to work an FM system, or they don't know how to gracefully yet assertively advocate for their child,
00:15:47
Speaker
Teach them and ask them like, do you feel uncertain how to do this? Would you like to role play? And when the words come out of their mouth with you.
00:15:55
Speaker
they can do it again in another scenario or try out different phrases that they would feel comfortable with, you're that safe tank. Yeah, I find that as like the TOD where that becomes the most helpful is actually for like extracurriculars. Like a lot of the times if I'm on the team with them, like the child is usually getting services like, you know, we're like swimming along, we're doing our thing. But then when I actually end up talking to them about when it comes to advocacy, a lot of times is like, hey, like they want to do gymnastics.
00:16:24
Speaker
what do I need to know? Like what do I need to tell the coach? And like a lot of times they do know what they need to tell the coach, but they just need to like talk it out with somebody first. Like they just want to make sure they're not missing anything. And like earlier, like in my career, I would say like, Oh, I'll come with you. I'll talk to the coach. And now I'm like, no, you talk to the coach. I will help you, but you, you have every power in you to do that. Like, yeah, you want to say, what are the three things that you want?
00:16:49
Speaker
because sometimes they'll even do it with my husband with a difficult, like conversation. I'll be like, hold on, cause I'm clear. But then when I'm, you know, in it, I'm like, I just forgot everything I wanted to say. Okay. But I want to do our, I want to talk to you about this. I want to get a solution for that. And then I want to plan.
00:17:04
Speaker
something else. Okay, can we do that now?" And just read out something. It's super helpful. And sometimes that's the type of advocacy that they need. It's not even sometimes school-related. It's just they want access to everything else that everyone else does, but they feel like you said that, like, resistance. Even if it feels, quote unquote, silly to them, it's just like,
00:17:25
Speaker
Of course they can do gymnastics. Like why not? Like they just, they just need to get over that mental hump and then they can advocate for their child. So wear the mini mic or whatever, like it is that the gym coach needs to do for them to be able to do gymnastics successfully. But I think that's helpful. I am like, here you go.
00:17:43
Speaker
go ahead and take a look at it and I will do it with my own processor like this comes off this comes off or you most of the time they're getting two devices so I'll have the model it with me and I said I'd rather have you do it in front of me so I can tell you if you might be going down the path of breaking it or something or break it in front of me so that you can feel like where's the threshold is it gonna yeah new batteries on a cochlear implant processor almost always feel like they're gonna break that first time but guess what
00:18:10
Speaker
You're not gonna do it. Or if you want me to, let me do it. So now it's a little bit more warmed up and loose. Okay, go ahead. This is how I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take all of these pieces apart. You put it together now. We've practiced and I'm right here to help you and you can take video or take pictures if you want. Yeah.
00:18:25
Speaker
I actually do that with the kids too, like not taking them fully apart but like just like with cleaning them or like just like knowing what the parts are like if this part breaks what do you do and like we do it together in like a safe space so that way they're not just like destroying their equipment but it's you know giving them like permission to like figure it out and then that way when they have to do it independently for whatever reason it's not the first time they're like taking that piece off you know yeah
00:18:51
Speaker
Another thing I love doing is giving parents conversation starters or role play scenario slash exercises because most of the time you're talking to mom, right? Mom takes this information home to dad and this way they can bond and grow together as a deaf and hard of hearing family or team.
00:19:13
Speaker
Oftentimes it's, you know, mom's at that appointment. Okay. We're taking a look at this type of hearing. These are the tactics that he or she may need. If you choose devices or if you choose to use visual language, how can we build upon that? And mom goes home and she might not know how to communicate planning or, you know, overcoming a challenge together.
00:19:37
Speaker
that they've never seen before. So what can I do to bring them together? Because they're the team. It's not me and mom against dad or anything. My job as an audiologist or a provider is to give you the resources and information so that you guys can make the decisions as a team because you know your family dynamic best. You actually truly know your child best, even though I've seen them in this environment so many times I can give you the factual or the point blank information.
00:20:07
Speaker
But what do you do day to day? How do you tackle and communicate about different scenarios, experiences, challenges? Because that's the rest of your life. How do you deal with a broken phone or a broken processor is going to help them later in life. How do you deal with a flat tire? Yeah, definitely. Stretch, but as a team, you know anything.
00:20:31
Speaker
Yeah, just dealing with mechanical failures as a team. A variety of things. It builds that mindset. It builds that resilience in your mentality of, okay, do I want to freak out about this, get emotionally attached about something and then go, you know, down a rabbit hole of sorrow? Or do I want to be able to take a breath? You know, like Daniel Tiger count one, two, three, four.
Fostering Independence and Problem-Solving
00:20:56
Speaker
Okay.
00:21:13
Speaker
based on maybe an outcome of some time that I've done it before. Or maybe I role played this with Deanna. And I feel pretty good about that one. I'm gonna try this choice. Ooh, it worked. Maybe that's gonna be my repetitive choice from now on or something.
00:21:21
Speaker
I'm being bullied. It doesn't make me feel good.
00:21:28
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's really like a powerful way to think about it because it's it is true that you know, there's all these different ways you can respond and if you practice some of the better ways with therapists or teacher or audiologist, then that might become your go to when you're feeling stressed in the moment. Yeah. Awesome. Okay.
00:21:44
Speaker
Switching gears a little bit because I wanted to make sure we get to this topic. A lot of the times, and we touched on it before, when I'm working on self-advocacy with kids in school, one of the hardest things to work on is answering those questions like, I wish my hearing aid was invisible, or is my hearing loss going to go away? Things like that where I want to build up their self-esteem and their self-confidence,
00:22:08
Speaker
But it can be hard and it can be individual. But I was wondering if you had any tips on how like maybe you grew your own self esteem or how adults helped you or just in general any tips for helping kids like accept and love themselves. You are such a nurturer.
00:22:24
Speaker
Yeah. I go back to my motto, meet them where they're at. Instead of focusing on a solution, see where they are. Okay, you wish your devices were invisible. Why? What would be different if your devices were invisible? Well, maybe Tommy wouldn't be poking fun at me. Or, you know, Emily wouldn't ask me what it is all the time, or whatever it is and say, okay,
00:22:50
Speaker
got it so it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable when people ask you what if they're curious about it because they've never seen what it is what if it's green and that's their favorite color and they really want one too and they'll just be like oh when they can see and open their eyes to a different perspective
00:23:08
Speaker
is when progress and acceptance can start to grow. I like that specific thing you said, like what, I can't remember the exact words, but like specifically, like what bothers you about that? Like why do you feel that way? Because I feel like-
00:23:26
Speaker
plant or something. And when people, especially children or the child in adults, feel seen and heard is when growth or change can happen. So
00:23:40
Speaker
If I'm stuck in a thought and like I'm going through so much turmoil, I'm emotionally attached to the outcome that's not going to happen. Well, if I don't ever talk about that emotional attachment of what it is that I'm upset about, I'll never move on. So a lot of times parents are stuck in grieving the childhood that they thought their children would have.
00:24:06
Speaker
now that they've gotten an identification of deaf or hard of hearing. Okay. And parenthood moving so fast can keep them in that grief or that state of being stuck for a very long time. If you talk to them about it and they realize, Oh, I'm
00:24:24
Speaker
stuck or I'm holding on to, you know, the fact that my child will, I don't know, never experienced this roller coaster back home in Ohio, you know, bad example. But it's not though, because like, I always ask parents, like, like, what are your hopes and dreams for your child? And like, like, what is it you want for them, like in life? And people tell me things that I never would have expected.
00:24:51
Speaker
Like a lot, some people are just, I just want to be happy. Great. Some people, I wanted to go to normal school. Like, okay. Like some people are like, I want them to get married. And I'm like, like, these are things that I would have, like, that's not my priority. But like, but like, you hear it all the time and like, you can't impose your own priorities on people. So.
00:25:08
Speaker
You can't. That's what's important to them. Like, I can work with that. Like, if your biggest thing is you're afraid that they can't go to normal school like that, I can dispel that belief. We can talk about all the different options. Like, if that's what you're focusing on, how am I supposed to know it's what you're focusing on? Like, I wouldn't unless I asked. And I guess that works with the kids, too, like asking specifically what's bothering them and then addressing that specific instead of imposing on what you meaning them where they're at, because I love
00:25:37
Speaker
who, you know, she saw an engagement ring on me and was like, oh my gosh. And she started crying because, and I said, what's going on? She said, that means my son will be able to get married and be loved. You know, she was stuck on that. And I, here I am, like, I'm the kid, I'm the deaf kid of a hearing parent. Like, why wouldn't I be able to get married? Why wouldn't I be able to have somebody to love me? But that's what the mom
00:26:01
Speaker
was afraid of. And that's her own thoughts projecting onto her son. But when I addressed it, she was like, Oh, yeah, like, of course, you never know. And
00:26:13
Speaker
Parenting is hard. Parenting is hard because you have a whole lifetime of challenges that you went through and your ideas of how things are supposed to were not supposed to be. And then you have this almost mini me that is taking a life of his or her own. And you're like, aren't you supposed to do it this way or that way? Like I read a book, Conscious Parenting, where I just re-meet my kids all the time.
00:26:42
Speaker
wow sure she has some similarities to me but dang she's like so bold and funny where does that come from i want to meet this kid again tomorrow morning when they wake up what are they going to come up with so my job is just
00:26:59
Speaker
kind of like as a healthcare provider, to provide information and resources and like safe boundaries for my kids to just grow up to be whoever they were supposed to be. Yeah, that's really powerful. I feel like as teachers, it's obviously not the same, but it's really nice to be able to just like help support those kids and becoming whatever they're meant to become like because it's just
00:27:22
Speaker
especially when you're just there to provide support. That's part of why I like being a teacher of the deaf versus a classroom teacher is that it's all individual. So I'm just there to give them whatever they need, meet them where they're at. And sometimes that's a vocabulary practice. And sometimes that's just a conversation about their hearing
Empowering Hearing-Impaired Children and Strategies
00:27:40
Speaker
aids. But it's nice to just take it day by day and just, like you said, meet them where they're at and help support them in the path that they're on and becoming who they're going to be. And it's very
00:27:50
Speaker
It's special to be a part of that when you really stop and think about it. Yeah. Sometimes meeting them where they're at means hands off. Sometimes it's like, tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do, step one, two, three, four, five. So your relationship with each kid is going to be different. Your relationship with each parent is going to be different. And I really feel like it ebbs and flows. I've had high schoolers where I go months with pretty low contact. I'm there. I'm supporting them.
00:28:18
Speaker
certainly in the background. And then something will happen or we'll be approaching something and we'll have a meeting and all of a sudden I'll be there to support them in a specific issue. Maybe if they're looking at colleges and all of a sudden they're like, wait a second. Like I need your help now. Like I didn't need your help three months ago and I didn't want to talk to you, but I need your help now.
00:28:37
Speaker
That's their process of also learning like, oh, maybe I should start packing batteries in my backpack or with a certain teacher or oh, Deanna isn't always going to be available. So what do I do? Can I make my own troubleshooting kit? Can I, you know, I don't know, make sure I charge, put an alarm on my phone every night to make sure that I charge my remote mic or something like that.
00:29:01
Speaker
communication wise, like, oh, I'm going to make a sticky note because I need to tell my teacher blah, blah, blah, so that we don't forget this on the next field trip. Like I want to have access. It's definitely true that you learn things like by trying and failing a little bit. Like I remember this is so random. The first time I ever went to like a sleep away camp, it was like a volleyball camp and I had to bring all of my like volleyball stuff, like my socks and my knee pads or whatever, like to the gym, like from the cabin. I forgot something.
00:29:30
Speaker
every single day of that camp because my mom was so on top of doing everything for me all the time, which I love her for that. Like, thank you. But as soon as I had a shred of independence, I was a mess. Like, I couldn't do anything. Learn.
00:29:46
Speaker
And I was like 14. I wasn't that young, you know, and it was funny because I was like, wow, like I got to get it together. Like, because I really I was really reliant on the adult helping me and I didn't realize it until I had a little bit of room to mess up a little bit. So I do feel like a lot of TOD struggle with their high schoolers because they don't want the help. And what my stance has always been, I'm there.
00:30:11
Speaker
I'm like in the background and I will give you a long leash, so to speak. Like I will let you try on your own. And if you're successful, fantastic. I will not change a thing. I am just here if you need me. But if you struggle, then we can together look at what happened and figure out ways for that not to happen again. So if you decide not to use your mic.
00:30:34
Speaker
I'm not going to force a 16-year-old to use a mic if they don't want to, but if you get a C in that class and you're not happy with the C, what can we fix? Is it the mic? Is it your seating? Is it the notes? We can help them evaluate what went wrong and fix it. Obviously, I would rather prevent. I don't want them to fail before I help them, but some kids, they have to go through that to really learn, and that's okay. That's what school is for.
00:31:00
Speaker
But you also need to empower them into wanting it. And this is what I love about vision boarding or just talking about future goals with kids because they're like, OK, I really want to be able to buy a pink puffy jacket around Christmas time. All right. So what are we going to do about it? I mean, take a look at pink puffy jackets for you and how much are they? OK, I mean, just save.
00:31:26
Speaker
What do you think we, how much do you think we need to save a week? Or my kids, you know, Oh no, we forgot my kids are five and a half and four. We forgot a stuffy three days in a row. Got it. Okay. Is this mommy's job or is this your job? Actually it's your job. If you want to have your stuffy, how about we put a sticky note on the door. Did we bring our stuffy?
00:31:45
Speaker
Or we have a note on, I carry all their backpacks and stuff in one giant bag. So it's just one, one thing for me to carry. What do we need to put into our bag? We need our lunches. We need our stuffies. We need our water bottles and we need a worm coat because it's getting cold now. Okay. And now they start to say, Hey mommy, is everything in there? Hold on. We need four things in it. Okay. What are those four things? And they start to take ownership of it.
00:32:11
Speaker
because my mom did everything when I was younger too. I was going to say your kids will not be forgetting their socks at volleyball. Because they are going to learn they know the sadness that they do when they don't have a stuffy or if they forget their lunch or something. Because you know what? I'm doing a whole bunch of things for you and I think one of the best things is letting them struggle and letting them feel like, oh, this is kind of like what responsibility is. It feels good.
00:32:39
Speaker
when they're beaming like, I got everything I need to go. I'm ready to go. Let's go. Yeah. And I think you're right to do it as young as possible. Even with our kids, if they start resisting me in middle school, I'd rather we do this whole song and dance in middle school when the grades don't really matter so much.
00:32:55
Speaker
So that way they try the independence, they see what works, they see what doesn't, and then we adjust from there. And then they learn going into high school. I have the tools to advocate for myself. I know what I need. I know what classes I need the mic and I know what classes I can get away with not using it and like
00:33:11
Speaker
Hey, if that works for you, that works for you, that's your life, but I am going to be right there watching. And if anything starts to slide, I'm going to be there to help you adjust because when you get to college, I won't be there to help you adjust. So I can't be there to fix everything for you.
00:33:26
Speaker
So the earlier I can start having you take ownership of your learning and have the tools to realize what's wrong and to fix it. That's good. But like you said, sometimes that means they have to forget the stuffy. They have to do poorly on a test. Like it's okay to let go of the control. Yeah.
00:33:42
Speaker
enough to let them experience a little bit of consequences consequences or just like pain because like when they forgot the stuffy she was like mommy we forgot my stuffy or I think she might have said you forgot to pack my stuffy and I said oh my gosh I'm just so sorry it's making you really sad what can we do about it you know instead of while you forgot your stuffy that was your responsibility instead of making them wrong again meet them where they're at
00:34:10
Speaker
make them feel seen and heard, not wrong or bad or that they were forgetful. Life happens. I still forget stuff. Absolutely. I think that's a really helpful way to frame it, especially when you're working with these soft skills that are, no one teaches you how to teach it. You just kind of got to figure it out. And I think that that's a really helpful way to frame it. I've told them, I want them to have
00:34:34
Speaker
as many challenges as they can while they live under my wing or in my house or however long it is. I'm not going to kick them out when they're 18. What is your goal? How can I support that? And guess what? One large way that I'm going to support you is let's talk about it. What's going on through your brain or your scenarios that you can use your tools and stretch yourself a little bit there. Yeah, absolutely.
00:35:02
Speaker
That was so helpful. Before we go, is there any last minute tips, advice, resources that you'd like to share with itinerant teachers? Meet your children where they're at. Meet your teachers where you're at. Meet yourself where you're at. If you have a whole bunch of kids failing, don't take it on yourself. Don't think that it's your fault. Instead of think of what can you do. How can I work together with my team?
00:35:27
Speaker
in this situation so that we can all win. Nobody's wrong, basically. Yeah, that's really helpful. Thank you. Can you share where everyone can follow you online, any resources that you have available? Yeah, I am on Instagram at mama, m-a-m-a dot h-u. That's my maiden name.
00:35:42
Speaker
H-E-A-R-S. Same for my website. I have an online resource for hearing parents of deaf and hard of hearing kiddos. I've got cool merchandise. Please check it out and feel free to DM me. Feel free to message me. I love connecting with you all. The merchandise is very cute. You should definitely go check that out. I love the pattern that you made is so cute. I love the colors.
00:36:04
Speaker
Thank you. I'll link all of that stuff so you can find Michelle if you want in the show notes. All the other length info, transcripts, all that good stuff will be in the show notes or at listentotodpod.com. Have a fantastic week and I'll see you next time. Bye.