Transcript
Speaker: Hi, pros.
Speaker: Lou Santini here, host of Amateur Nation.
Speaker: My Dry Bar Comedy special, Amateur Nation, is now available.
Speaker: And you can get a free month subscription to Dry Bar Comedy just for being a lister of this podcast.
Speaker: And just like this show, if you're allergic to a lack of common sense in today's world,
Speaker: And you like your comedy delivered with uncompromising talent like it is bite?
Speaker: Then check out my half-hour comedy special, Amateur Nation, for free.
Speaker: Go to drybarcomedy.com slash lews and use promo code lewsantini, L-O-U-S-A-N-T-I-N-I, and you'll get a free month of clean comedy.
Speaker: That will probably still offend Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Drybarcomedy.com slash lews and promo code lewsantini.
Speaker: This is my way of saying thank you to the pros who listen to this show every week.
Speaker: Amateur Nation is not just a podcast, it's a movement.
Speaker: Warning, the podcast you are about to hear is often based on true events and people.
Speaker: It chronicles the dialogue and actions of random, anonymous, obnoxious, self-entitled, unintelligent, self-centered idiots, attention whores, ignoramuses, dolts, clods,
Speaker: Nimrods, douches, weirdos, drama queens, overly sensitive crybabies, and people who think they are better, more important, and special than the rest of us.
Speaker: In one word, amateurs.
Speaker: It's Amateur Nation with Lou Santini.
Speaker: We call attention to and call out the amateurs.
Speaker: The people who are doing life wrong.
Speaker: The speed bumps of life.
Speaker: The people that are in your way every day.
Speaker: The unintelligent, obnoxious, attention-whoring, self-entitled drama queen victim types who chip away at the moments of your life due to no self-awareness, common sense, manners, or social skills.
Speaker: And are disturbing the flow of the pros.
Speaker: Perhaps you had better start from the beginning.
Speaker: Topic number one.
Speaker: I was poking around the internet for topic ideas, as I often do, and I came across this funny post by at Aristotle.
Speaker: It says, my dad seriously sent this to our family group chat.
Speaker: I'm crying laughing.
Speaker: Her dad said, I can't keep up with the pressure of always having to LOL or like or heart everyone's random thoughts, picks, and amusements.
Speaker: For all future texts, I love them.
Speaker: Laugh at them or like them.
Speaker: Unless it's bad, then I dislike them.
Speaker: In perpetuity.
Speaker: I can't live with this pressure.
Speaker: I'm out.
Speaker: That's my kind of guy.
Speaker: But it got me thinking about being liked.
Speaker: Not just on social media posts.
Speaker: I'm talking about being liked on a larger scale.
Speaker: Why does everyone in Amateur Nation have to be liked?
Speaker: For everything that they do.
Speaker: Everything they believe in.
Speaker: Everything they experience or simply are.
Speaker: For example, amateur nation, most of the world is fine with you being gay.
Speaker: Straight people really don't care.
Speaker: We have lives.
Speaker: You're not part of most other people's lives, so why do you need acceptance from random strangers so badly?
Speaker: In fact, I'm sure most gay people don't care who's straight, as it will probably never come up.
Speaker: But here's the rub.
Speaker: For those who are not gay, like you, why do you care?
Speaker: As long as they're not breaking the law with you or infringing on your rights, doesn't this come down to the occasional hurt feelings?
Speaker: Okay, now stay with me.
Speaker: Substitute the word gay with fat or trans or whatever group you feel puts you in a smaller population.
Speaker: Whatever your cause is, whatever you're rallying against or for or believe in.
Speaker: Whatever your issue or rallying cry or whatever puts you in, whatever you deem as your minority status, that's your thing.
Speaker: Just go to work.
Speaker: Hold your own.
Speaker: Carry your weight.
Speaker: Stay out of other people's business.
Speaker: Have good manners and social skills.
Speaker: And use common sense when acting and behaving in public.
Speaker: And I'm willing to bet your lives will be way more problem-free and absent of most conflicts.
Speaker: But if you make your issue, your cause, your victimhood, your rallying cry in every aspect of your life as if it defines who you are, your problems, your anxiety, your triggers,
Speaker: As if who you have sex with, what type of people you like to have sex with, or how you identify as a sticking point in every aspect of your life and claim to not be happy because others don't notice you, like you, love you, and celebrate your thing, trust me, you will never be happy because you haven't heard the saying, you can please some of the people all of the time and you can please all of the people some of the time.
Speaker: You know the rest.
Speaker: Your issues...
Speaker: Your pronouns?
Speaker: Sexuality, gender, can be summed up with one sentence by pronation.
Speaker: Hit it.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: A long time ago, people were indeed discriminated against based on race and or sexuality.
Speaker: That was indeed wrong.
Speaker: Laws changed.
Speaker: Pros stepped up and spoke up, and now if anyone is denied a service, a loan, a fair shot, a fair shake in life, there are legal consequences, as there should be.
Speaker: Pros at one time said, okay, look, I don't like that you're fill in the blank, but I can be human, considerate, polite, understanding, generous, and compassionate.
Speaker: We may not agree with your stance, your type, your whatever the hell, but we can conduct ourselves with respect towards you and your group, whatever it may be.
Speaker: And that wasn't that long ago, literally like four or five years ago.
Speaker: And here is where it all went wrong for Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Amateur Nation got greedy.
Speaker: Pros, being okay with your issues, situation, rallying, cry, whatever it is you feel makes you special and or maligned, wasn't enough.
Speaker: Amateurs needed extra attention.
Speaker: They felt that because they were not, fill in the blank, straight, white, Christian, pro-America, fit, attractive, etc., that they were due payback attention.
Speaker: for them feeling lousy about themselves or because they got made fun of or teased.
Speaker: They didn't see that could have built character in their lives.
Speaker: They didn't choose to ignore the amateurs who were racist or sexist or homophobic or fatphobic or whatever triggered them.
Speaker: They didn't move on from it.
Speaker: They didn't see that much of that crap was on the surface and basically the scars of life that tell your story of growth and survival.
Speaker: They also, and this is a big one, failed to realize that every person on the planet...
Speaker: has scars from whatever things they endured and or battled throughout life.
Speaker: They forgot that they're not special in that regard.
Speaker: The difference is most of the pros don't need what amateur nation now wants.
Speaker: Special attention, special consideration, payback, back pay, reparations, parades, special days, weeks, months in their honor, redesigned M&Ms.
Speaker: Ludicrous when you hear it in that context, isn't it?
Speaker: Different pancake logos, Scooby-Doo Redos, special networks, made-up fictional education, getting hired only because of your special attention.
Speaker: You can scream and post and riot.
Speaker: Pros might hear you, might even listen for a few minutes.
Speaker: Pros will never care.
Speaker: Ever.
Speaker: You'll never make pro-nation care any more than you don't care about things that pro-nation cares about.
Speaker: We tried to make you care with facts, history, proof.
Speaker: And here's where Amateur Nation gets left behind.
Speaker: Pro Nation is now okay with not trying to make you care anymore.
Speaker: We tried to tell you about COVID and vaccines, the New World Order, China taking over your lives, the corruption in this current administration, the swamp.
Speaker: We tried to tell you about real crime stats and the stupidity of defunding the police.
Speaker: We tried to warn you about people getting chipped, Bill Gates' evil, Fauci's crimes against humanity, Pfizer being the evil genocidal corporation with no accountability.
Speaker: You still don't listen because you're worried about pronouns and having everything delivered to you via voice command.
Speaker: So, pro nation is out.
Speaker: You're on your own, amateurs.
Speaker: The ball's in your court.
Speaker: Your tantrums, mental illness, delusion, feelings, hate, racism, and lack of accountability are now all your problems.
Speaker: We don't care about your petty shit.
Speaker: Pros are big picture thinkers.
Speaker: We think long term.
Speaker: You think small.
Speaker: You think now, in this moment, as I'm talking, temporary.
Speaker: And thus, pros don't care.
Speaker: Amateurs, you're making your lives harder than they need to be.
Speaker: Do your share.
Speaker: Stop whining.
Speaker: Stop expecting free everything.
Speaker: I like everything handed to me.
Speaker: I'm just like a kid.
Speaker: Right, an overgrown kid who can't take care of himself.
Speaker: Stop expecting everything to be easy.
Speaker: Dial down the emotions.
Speaker: Use critical thinking.
Speaker: Judge people by how they treat you.
Speaker: Not your people, not your group.
Speaker: You.
Speaker: If they use common sense, good manners, and social skills, show human decency and consideration to you, bank that as a win and move on.
Speaker: You're not great humanitarians.
Speaker: You're not even good citizens or humans.
Speaker: Pussies.
Speaker: Time's a bit of a factor here, so as much as I'd like to spend the day murdering all of you, I'm afraid we need to press on.
Speaker: And now this.
Speaker: Topic number two.
Speaker: The world is imploding, but Amateur Nation stays focused on...
Speaker: M&M gate.
Speaker: I can't believe I've devoted one keystroke to M&Ms when writing this podcast.
Speaker: This is the third or fourth time I've mentioned this once beloved candy.
Speaker: Now, I recently mentioned how M&Ms came out with lesbian M's, fat M's, and joked how artists might have a hard time illustrating a trans M. Well, the corporate geniuses who get paid to think about ways to fuck up chocolate have now put a halt on all this commie crap.
Speaker: From Cleveland.com, but it's found everywhere, here's your headline.
Speaker: M&Ms announced Maya Rudolph will replace spokescandies, which are on indefinite pause.
Speaker: Are you going to sleep better tonight now?
Speaker: The article says the makers of M&M's announced Monday that the company's candy-coated mascots will take an indefinite leave of absence replaced by a new spokeswoman, actor Maya Rudolph.
Speaker: The decision follows a controversy last year when the company sought to refresh the look of its M&M characters, replacing the candy's tan, flesh-toned arms and legs with ones that match their shell colors.
Speaker: I can just picture some amateur from M&M Mars having a drink at a bar trying to hit on a woman.
Speaker: You know how M&Ms have matching legs to their bodies?
Speaker: That was me.
Speaker: You're welcome.
Speaker: So you want to get out of here?
Speaker: The company, Virginia-based Mars Inc., also announced then that its two female characters would wear less stereotypically female garb.
Speaker: The green M&M character, for example, swapped her boots for sneakers.
Speaker: Meanwhile, a child in Africa with flies walking on his eyes shakes his head in disgust.
Speaker: The article says right-wing critics howled, accusing the company of being woke, acting out of an exaggerated sense of political correctness, NBC News said.
Speaker: Yes, we howled.
Speaker: Remember all the howling?
Speaker: Or did pro-nation simply mention how stupid, unnecessary, meaningless, and insulting it was?
Speaker: Trust me, if anyone is howling, it's amateur nation and their beloved tantrums.
Speaker: If they're howling, it's because they're identifying as wolves.
Speaker: Here's where, if I was on the board at Mars Inc., I fire everyone.
Speaker: The article says in a Twitter post on Monday, the company said it had not anticipated the blowback over changing the character's appearances.
Speaker: We weren't sure if anybody would even notice, and we definitely didn't think it would break the internet.
Speaker: Let's not start sucking each other's dick's fight yet.
Speaker: Even when they're wrong, they can't resist thinking they did something good or impactful.
Speaker: They go on to say, but now we get it.
Speaker: Even a candy shoes can be polarizing, which was the last thing M&M's wanted since we're all about bringing people together.
Speaker: Now you're just trying to piss me off.
Speaker: Yeah, how about just making good chocolate candy and never posting a tweet or press release again?
Speaker: That costs you nothing.
Speaker: It's easy to do.
Speaker: Nope, time to double down on amateur behavior because amateurs never learn.
Speaker: The article says, for that reason, use of these spokescandies will take an indefinite pause.
Speaker: In their place, we are proud to introduce a spokesperson American can agree on.
Speaker: I don't remember.
Speaker: Do we all agree on this?
Speaker: The beloved...
Speaker: Maya Rudolph, the company tweeted, we are confident Ms.
Speaker: Rudolph will champion the power of fun to create a world where everyone feels they belong.
Speaker: I've done my share of voiceover work in my life for commercials and video games, things like that.
Speaker: Unlike Maya Rudolph, I've never felt pressure to champion the power of fun to create a world where everyone feels they belong.
Speaker: Usually I just have to get the character right and do the read in the allotted time.
Speaker: But I may use that description in my next job interview.
Speaker: So, uh, what things did you learn or take away from your last employer?
Speaker: Ahem.
Speaker: Uh, how's championing the power of fun as I created a world that made everyone felt like they belonged?
Speaker: Now, is that my corner office over there with the window?
Speaker: Is it just me or am I picking up some negative vibes out there?
Speaker: No, no, it's not you.
Speaker: They got to justify their job somehow, just like politicians.
Speaker: Create a problem that never existed and then act like they did something by fixing the problem they caused.
Speaker: Now, I realize it wasn't commie culture back then, but I got two words for M&M's corporate.
Speaker: New Coke.
Speaker: New Coke.
Speaker: To show my thanks for your listening and donating to the show, I'm giving you a free month subscription to Dry Bar Comedy.
Speaker: Get your free month of funny.
Speaker: Just go to drybarcomedy.com slash L-O-U-S.
Speaker: Use promo code LUSANTINI.
Speaker: At LUSANTINI on YouTube is where you'll find Sneak Peek Thursdays with a 60-second preview of what's to come next episode.
Speaker: And by the way, I'm on Truth Social at LUSANTINI3.
Speaker: Topic number three is next.
Speaker: Hi, Fros.
Speaker: Lou Santini here, host of Amateur Nation.
Speaker: My Dry Bar Comedy special, Amateur Nation, is now available.
Speaker: And you can get a free month subscription to Dry Bar Comedy just for being a listener of this podcast.
Speaker: And just like this show, if you're allergic to a lack of common sense in today's world,
Speaker: And you like your comedy delivered with uncompromising talent like it is bite?
Speaker: Then check out my half-hour comedy special, Amateur Nation, for free.
Speaker: Go to drybarcomedy.com slash lews and use promo code lewsantini, L-O-U-S-A-N-T-I-N-I, and you'll get a free month of clean comedy.
Speaker: That will probably still offend Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Drybarcomedy.com slash lews and promo code lewsantini.
Speaker: This is my way of saying thank you to the pros who listen to this show every week.
Speaker: Amateur Nation is not just a podcast.
Speaker: It's a movement.
Speaker: There's been an odd shift in human behavior over the last 15 plus years.
Speaker: A sense of entitlement.
Speaker: A constant need for attention.
Speaker: Ironically coupled with the need to be left alone.
Speaker: A desire to be treated the same as everyone else.
Speaker: Stupidly combined with the mindset of, I'm special, so treat me accordingly.
Speaker: Introducing the book, Amateur Nation.
Speaker: The Decline of Common Sense, Manners, and Social Skills.
Speaker: The second edition.
Speaker: Inside, you'll read...
Speaker: The Amateur Mission Statement.
Speaker: The 30 Truths About Amateurs.
Speaker: The Four Stages of Being an Amateur.
Speaker: Amateur Habitats and History.
Speaker: Social Media Plus Me, Me, Me Equals Amateur.
Speaker: Technology and Amateur Behavior.
Speaker: With dozens of real funny photos, weird signs, and laugh-out-loud real-life accounts and actual conversations vividly showing how us pros are surrounded by Amateur Nation every day.
Speaker: Download the expanded second edition of the e-book, Amateur Nation, The Decline of Common Sense Manners and Social Skills.
Speaker: The second expanded edition available now.
Speaker: Be a pro.
Speaker: Go to Amazon.
Speaker: Type amateur nation.
Speaker: Hit me.
Speaker: Topic number three.
Speaker: From friend and fan of the show, WarnerToddHouston at iPatria.com, here's your headline.
Speaker: You ready for something stupid?
Speaker: Always, Lou.
Speaker: Triggered trans extremists want Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman song canceled because it isn't inclusive.
Speaker: Did you hear that?
Speaker: Both trans extremists are triggered.
Speaker: And wait a minute.
Speaker: I thought Stanford University said we're not allowed to say triggered anymore.
Speaker: It was replaced with content note.
Speaker: So here's a revised headline.
Speaker: Content noted trans extremist want Aretha Franklin's natural woman song canceled because it wasn't inclusive.
Speaker: But here's the thing.
Speaker: Aretha Franklin was black and fat.
Speaker: So aren't these trans extremists being racist and fat phobic?
Speaker: And newsflash, there are a lot of songs that aren't about everybody.
Speaker: About you.
Speaker: Except for one.
Speaker: There was one song that was about all of Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Ugly Kid Joe's I Hate Everything About You.
Speaker: Everything about you.
Speaker: Everything about you.
Speaker: So, if trans people are saying they don't like the natural angle in her song, are they admitting that being trans is not natural?
Speaker: And why are they rallying against nature, biology?
Speaker: And what is a biologist?
Speaker: Someone get diversity hire Supreme Court Judge Katanji Brown Jackson in here.
Speaker: She's a natural woman and black.
Speaker: Maybe she can okay the song.
Speaker: The article says the Trans Cultural Mindfulness Alliance took to Twitter last week to condemn the ballad, citing that it has ignited harm against transgender women.
Speaker: Yeah, I need photos, videos, and statistics proving that this song was directly linked to harm that befell a trans person.
Speaker: Also, this song was popular long before the trans movement.
Speaker: Okay, shut up.
Speaker: All right, I don't care who you are.
Speaker: I don't care what you want.
Speaker: The article says Aretha Franklin's 1968 song Natural Woman perpetuates multiple harmful anti-trans stereotypes.
Speaker: Oh!
Speaker: There is no such thing as a natural woman, the article says.
Speaker: Yes, my mom and girlfriend might have something to say about that.
Speaker: So all women are not natural?
Speaker: You said there's no such thing?
Speaker: And where exactly in the song are these anti-trans sentiment lyrics occurring?
Speaker: The message continued, the song has helped inspire acts of harm against transgender women.
Speaker: All right, so, hey...
Speaker: Come on, I did my homework.
Speaker: Here are the lyrics.
Speaker: I'm going to read them to you.
Speaker: And no, I would never think about singing this song to you.
Speaker: Be ready for the anti-trans stereotypes and inspiration to harm transgender women.
Speaker: You ready?
Speaker: Looking out on the morning rain, I used to feel so uninspired.
Speaker: And when I knew I had to face another day, Lord, it made me feel so tired.
Speaker: Before the day I met you, life was so unkind.
Speaker: but you're the key to my peace of mind.
Speaker: Because you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like a natural woman.
Speaker: Next verse.
Speaker: When my soul was in the lost and found, you came along to claim it.
Speaker: I didn't know just what was wrong with me till your kiss helped me name it.
Speaker: Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for.
Speaker: And if I make you happy, I don't need to do more.
Speaker: Because you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like a natural woman.
Speaker: Oh baby, what you've done to me.
Speaker: You've made me feel so good inside and I just want to be close to you.
Speaker: You make me feel so alive.
Speaker: And she goes on to repeat the chorus.
Speaker: You make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like a natural woman a few more times.
Speaker: Saddle up boys.
Speaker: Time to harm some transgender.
Speaker: We're forming a posse.
Speaker: The TCMA is requesting it is removed from Spotify and Apple Music.
Speaker: Yeah, nothing but rational thought, critical thinking, and reason there.
Speaker: No mental illness to see here.
Speaker: Quit acting like a little bitch.
Speaker: Ah, yes, it's time for a la carte.
Speaker: From now on, when I perform stand-up, I'll be asking the crowd, where are my pregnant men at?
Speaker: And then I'll pause for the wave of hands that go up in the thunderous applause.
Speaker: Well, would you look at that?
Speaker: Just last week, I covered the evil that is TikTok, China's digital fentanyl, and California's Congressman Adam Schiff was booted off the Intel Committee for being a security risk as new Speaker of the House McCarthy said Schiff was not someone to be trusted with sensitive information.
Speaker: And Schiff, because he's so smart and not egomaniacal at all, goes on the Chinese-controlled platform Twitter.
Speaker: A literal Chinese spy platform to complain like a millennial about being removed from a committee that deals in top secret information.
Speaker: I thought our government banned the use of TikTok by members of Congress, by the way.
Speaker: Thanks for making that easy, Schiff.
Speaker: I knew I hated you for a good reason.
Speaker: The idea that random black people in California might get $5 million for doing nothing or enduring nothing.
Speaker: But our physically and mentally injured American veterans don't get consideration is an atrocity.
Speaker: Can anyone do anything on Instagram Reels that doesn't involve really bad lip syncing?
Speaker: Okay, look, I love piano, but I don't get the organ.
Speaker: Other than in church, there should be no organs in music.
Speaker: Who chooses to play the organ?
Speaker: You go to a music store and see the whole world of instruments and you say, oh, I'm going to crush the organ.
Speaker: People do air guitar, air drums, air bass.
Speaker: No one ever does air organ.
Speaker: No one's ever heard a song and said, shut up.
Speaker: This is the best organ solo ever.
Speaker: Time for three pro things.
Speaker: Now, I normally have three of them, but this one is a little longer.
Speaker: And I want to give this the time it deserves.
Speaker: This is a thought-provoking post sent to me by friend of the show, at KDougie, and originally posted by at Sahil Bloom.
Speaker: This is one day.
Speaker: big pro thing that deserves special consideration.
Speaker: Here's the post.
Speaker: It said, over the last month, I asked several 90-year-olds what advice they would give to their 32-year-old selves.
Speaker: Now, I'm going to play a little ding after the ones that I admit to have done or things that I do and just see how I rate.
Speaker: You can play along.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: This is life advice from several 90-year-olds to younger folks.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Now and then, break out the fancy china and drink the good wine for no reason at all.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Dance at weddings until your feet are sore.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm not doing that as much.
Speaker: Tell your partner you love them every night before falling asleep.
Speaker: Someday you'll find the other side of the bed empty and wish you could.
Speaker: Now, I admit I don't say those exact words, but I do say something loving close to bedtime to my girlfriend that I always say to my mom before hanging up the phone, so I'm dinging myself there.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: Next one.
Speaker: Don't fear sadness as it tends to sit right next to love.
Speaker: I wholeheartedly agree.
Speaker: I know, although it depends on what the cause of the sadness is, but I know what they're saying.
Speaker: I often tell people who are grieving or worrying about a loved one that their sadness is merely a physical manifestation of their love for that person.
Speaker: Those tears are liquid love.
Speaker: Treat your body like a house you have to live in for another 70 years.
Speaker: You know, I've never smoked.
Speaker: I rarely drank to excess.
Speaker: No hard drugs.
Speaker: Never battled my weight.
Speaker: Been hitting the gym three times a week since I was 13.
Speaker: I try to play in some kind of organized sports league as much as my time and body will allow it.
Speaker: It's really a lifestyle.
Speaker: And I think as long as you keep moving, you know, you really, you know, hold off the inevitable, so to speak.
Speaker: Never raise your voice except for at a ball game.
Speaker: Okay, this one I need to work on.
Speaker: Do one good deed every single day, but never tell anyone about it.
Speaker: And I can't say I do that daily, but I do do it.
Speaker: So I'm not going to give myself a ding because I don't do it every day.
Speaker: Time doesn't heal anything when it comes to relationships.
Speaker: Don't delay difficult conversations.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, I used to avoid the confrontations that might cause me pain, but anymore I've realized hanging on to grudges and sadness, regret, animosity, anger, etc.
Speaker: does more long-term damage and has longer-reaching effects than a few tough words that you need to hear or say.
Speaker: Find the things that make your eyes light up.
Speaker: Do more of those.
Speaker: Oh, for sure.
Speaker: Drag racing, car shows, seeing more art, riding my motorcycle, performing, writing, eating good food, and honestly, doing this podcast, just to name a few.
Speaker: Those things really do indeed make my eyes light up and get my heart rate pumping.
Speaker: Always remind yourself that your track record for making it through your bad days is perfect.
Speaker: You know, I got to remember that.
Speaker: If something has a minor issue, repair it.
Speaker: Minor issues become major issues over time.
Speaker: Applies equally to love, friendships, health, and home.
Speaker: And cars.
Speaker: The most damning lie you can tell is the lie you tell to yourself.
Speaker: Oh man, I could cite many examples of my life for that one.
Speaker: Staying in bad relationships, staying in California, ending toxic relationships, both friend and romantic.
Speaker: Next one says, no one has ever argued their way to happiness.
Speaker: Did you hear that, amateur nation?
Speaker: Just because you tear down statues and march and burn buildings and make cute little TikTok videos and you might get free stuff like education and reparations, you'll never be happy because you haven't earned anything and your life is unfulfilled and meaningless.
Speaker: You've led an unchallenged life.
Speaker: But keep arguing and yelling.
Speaker: See how happy you are in one year.
Speaker: Five years.
Speaker: 25 years.
Speaker: Next one says, if you're going to lose a fight, like a physical fist fight, make sure the other person thinks twice before fighting you again.
Speaker: Yep, I've been in a few fights.
Speaker: I've never started them, but you can bet I ended them, even the ones I lost.
Speaker: Next one says, getting old is no picnic, but it's much better than the alternative.
Speaker: You may occasionally disappoint others, but make sure to never disappoint yourself.
Speaker: I struggle with that one.
Speaker: I beat myself up a lot when I've done something stupid or went against my better judgment.
Speaker: Never let a good friendship atrophy.
Speaker: Send the text.
Speaker: Make the call.
Speaker: Plan the trip.
Speaker: Good friendships must be treasured.
Speaker: something personal that I found having moved from my home state of Ohio to California, lived there for 24 years, made new friends in California, and then moved back to Ohio.
Speaker: And that's this.
Speaker: I realized the friends that I lost or friendships that drifted away when I became entrenched in my work in California
Speaker: They either weren't that close to me to begin with, or yes, life happens.
Speaker: And at that age, 29, when I moved to California, many people were in a state of flux.
Speaker: A lot of marriages, divorces, new careers, etc.
Speaker: Plus, I was cross-country.
Speaker: Then, when I moved back to Ohio, I realized I may have been hanging out with the wrong people now and then and should have been hanging out with better quality people that I only saw on occasion and should have given them a chance to cultivate a better relationship and friendship.
Speaker: And what's more, I'm finding that I'm reconnecting with real quality people in Ohio, whether they are old radio friends or fans and even better new business friends and social friends, that I've relaxed into a friendship where it's not about the Hollywood, what can you do for me, what's your connection crap.
Speaker: Next one says, when you meet someone, look them in the eye.
Speaker: Give a firm handshake and call them by their name.
Speaker: Always.
Speaker: It also helps me remember their name next time.
Speaker: Give everybody a second chance, but never a third.
Speaker: Yeah, I can't hit ding on that one.
Speaker: Everybody?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The good old days are always happening right now.
Speaker: Hey, Carly Simon said so in her song Anticipation.
Speaker: These are the good old days.
Speaker: Whenever you hug someone, make sure you feel their boobs.
Speaker: Oh, sorry, I read that wrong.
Speaker: Whenever you hug someone, make sure they are the one to let go first.
Speaker: All right, well, what if both parties are reading this?
Speaker: Anyway, the next one says, if it's raining on a warm summer evening, go outside and dance in it.
Speaker: Can I just walk in it?
Speaker: I really don't like dancing in public, but I'll go out in the warm summer rain, I promise.
Speaker: Taking no risk is the biggest risk you can take.
Speaker: Regret from inaction is always more painful than regret from action.
Speaker: Wow, do I agree with that.
Speaker: It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be wonderful.
Speaker: Man, do I need to remember that.
Speaker: When in doubt, love.
Speaker: We can always use more love.
Speaker: Hey, I admit it.
Speaker: I can't ding that.
Speaker: I don't always do that.
Speaker: Looking presentable is a matter of self-respect.
Speaker: Are you listening, body positivity crazed amateur nation?
Speaker: When you're feeling down, smile at yourself in the mirror for a full minute.
Speaker: Now, you know what?
Speaker: I don't do this, but I should because studies have shown that seeing yourself smile for a minute in the mirror will trick your brain into being at the very least less down.
Speaker: Another one says travel as much as you can.
Speaker: Collect one token from every trip to remember it by.
Speaker: If there's something bothering you, actually, I go back to that one.
Speaker: Whenever I travel to especially a foreign country, I always try to buy a very small piece of local street art.
Speaker: It's not about the expense of the art.
Speaker: It has to be able to fit in my suitcase.
Speaker: And it's something that I say, I got that in Portugal.
Speaker: I got that in Lisbon from this nice old man who was painting right outside this church or whatever.
Speaker: I love having that kind of stuff.
Speaker: Next one says, if there's something bothering you, ask yourself whether it will matter in one month.
Speaker: If not, let it go right now.
Speaker: Yep, I need to work on that one.
Speaker: Stop trying to change people who don't want to be changed.
Speaker: Okay, there's an exception.
Speaker: Amateurs.
Speaker: Amateurs need to change.
Speaker: But as I've said, only they can change their amateur behavior.
Speaker: Pros can alert them to what they're doing wrong and why and the better life out there.
Speaker: Look, it happens.
Speaker: But all we can do as pros is to call them out repeatedly until they wake up.
Speaker: You may win the argument, but if you lose the friend, what was the point?
Speaker: Stubborn pride is the downfall of many men and women.
Speaker: Learn to forget the slight hurts and avoid grudges.
Speaker: That's, I admit it, that's a hard one for me to do.
Speaker: I'm definitely getting better with it, but I can't be honest and hit the ding on that one.
Speaker: Do one thing that challenges your mind every single day, a crossword puzzle, a math problem, anything.
Speaker: Daily mental exercise will keep your mind sharp for the long haul.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, I mean, I'm writing every day, whether it's stand-up comedy or this podcast or working on another book or something.
Speaker: Believe me, my brain is actually a little bit in overdrive, frankly.
Speaker: Next one says, if something isn't working and your gut tells you to try harder, first ask whether there is just an easier way to do it.
Speaker: Example, like I've revamped my website and my YouTube page and my business cards and did some advertising.
Speaker: I recommend hiring someone from Fiverr.
Speaker: Lots of experts out there.
Speaker: The business cards I did myself, I had some working knowledge of the other stuff, but I wanted to get it right.
Speaker: It wasn't that expensive, and there's people out there willing to work inexpensively.
Speaker: I won't say the word cheap, but they're experts.
Speaker: Lean on them.
Speaker: Next one says, allow your kids to fail.
Speaker: You will hate it, but it's so important.
Speaker: I don't have kids.
Speaker: I can't ding that.
Speaker: There's nothing wrong with shedding old relationships as you grow and change.
Speaker: Amen.
Speaker: No amount of money is ever worth trading for your peace of mind.
Speaker: Hear that, amateurs who got the untested gene experiment for a free donut?
Speaker: If your kid wants to dance in line at the store, join them.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: I'm just full out calling this one out.
Speaker: Keep it moving.
Speaker: Lots of places to dance.
Speaker: In line at the grocery store is at one of them.
Speaker: The grocery store could be my most hated place on earth.
Speaker: Full of amateurs and stupidity.
Speaker: Exacerbated during the pandemic with those arrows on the floor telling me which way to walk and plastic shields.
Speaker: I just want to get my food and get out.
Speaker: Dance elsewhere.
Speaker: Sorry, old people.
Speaker: I ain't doing that one.
Speaker: Next one says, smile and say good morning to strangers on the street.
Speaker: You know, I saw this firsthand when I visited Spain and Portugal, Portugal being voted as the friendliest country in the world at the time, and I've made a point to do it now and then.
Speaker: It balances me out when I call out amateurs for their behavior.
Speaker: And finally, it says, laugh loudly and unapologetically whenever you feel like it.
Speaker: Hey, I hope you did that on this show.
Speaker: Do some laughing, that is.
Speaker: Amateur Nation is the name of my book, this show, and my Drybar Comedy special, of which you can see for free and get a free month's subscription by going to drybarcomedy.com slash L-O-U-S and using promo code Lou Santini.
Speaker: subscribed to my new and improved Lou Santini page on YouTube and Lou Santini Entertainment on Facebook.
Speaker: Snag a free no amateurs tee by sending me a comment, clip, criticism, or whatever.
Speaker: Lou at louisantini.com.
Speaker: Amateur Nation is not just a podcast, it's a movement.
Speaker: Remember amateurs, we see you.
Speaker: You're not at home.
Speaker: Don't do life wrong.
Speaker: Go pro.
Speaker: Don't be an amateur.
Speaker: For Amateur Nation, I'm Lou Santini, and this has been a Big Major Production.
Speaker: Is it just me or am I picking up some negative vibes out there?
Speaker: Hey pros, Lou Santini here.
Speaker: They're running out and half off.
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