Nonsensical Nonsense 69 We are a bit unstable

Transcript

Speaker: That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

Speaker: So good.

Speaker: you

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Welcome to my sister. You guys are having a good week. For me, this has been the longest week of my life and it's only fucking Wednesday. Anywho, I'm quick as always hanging out with a little feller down in the quarter. We call him captain for the time.

Speaker: when you can make it to the show. If you're watching live, you might see a new face. If you're listening to us on one of the various podcast locations that you find it, I think you're going to hear a new voice. You're probably not going to like him. I don't like him. I just felt bad for him. But I mean. This could make me taller.

Speaker: We were a duo. Still not salty about that. Now we're the three Dumsketeers. We welcome the big dog to the show, the newest member of Nonsenseical Nonsense. We're going to try this with a little menage three -way. See how that works. It's the devil's three -way. Hey, everybody. How we doing? It is the devil of all devil's three -way. Three -dude. Oh, it's not going to be good. Two large hairy men and a tiny little

Speaker: A garden gnome who has not hit puberty yet. We went to Mexico City for the weekend. It was awesome.

Speaker: The third largest city in the world, correct? You know, here's what's crazy is like, the one thing, every time we go to Mexico City, I say the same thing. And as soon as we off playing, I said the same thing. We have to go find a Wendy's. So I got my Wendy's, got me a Frosty, got some fries, and dip my fries in my Frosty. Got me a Biggie, and a baked potato. You said you actually made it there before they closed tonight.

Speaker: Yeah, we went day one. Or not tonight, but when you got there. Because the last time you were up there, you guys said you took like 27 Ubers and six taxis. Three Ubers and a subway and a taxi. And they were closed. Up hill, both ways, with a foot of snow. In the snow. Yes, with a boner. Well, the worst part is my grocery is so compact.

Speaker: Where we couldn't get to the Wendy's the one time, it was literally, we're on, it's hard to explain, it's like an overpass with a, above a tunnel that wasn't a tunnel. It doesn't make sense when you say it. Like a cutout in the road. And the Uber couldn't fucking find us. Because he just stood on fucking the road. And I was like, oh my god, I just want to get to fucking Wendy's.

Speaker: So now we know where it is. So we got in the cab from the airport, and I was like, Wendy's. And my wife's like, we got bags. I was like, Wendy's. Wendy's. So we got to Wendy's. It's a sad thing that I crave, but I grieved it. Well, it's totally understandable. Totally understandable. Also, when I go down south, I have to hit, well, they call it Raleigh's around here. Raleigh's, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, I gotta hit that. I gotta hit it every time. It's checkers. It's checkers down south. It's the same restaurant. You can eat rallies or checkers. It's the same thing. Oh yeah, same thing. Well, just like Hardee's is, what, O 'Carl's or Carl's Jr. or some shit? Yeah. Hey, Carl's Jr. put you out of house at home. That place is expensive as shit. Oh, they are expensive. Same thing as we have, I think, Bylo up here. Hey, Tatted Mamas. And they have, they call it, what's going on, Candyman?

Speaker: They call it giant eagle or giant eagle up here in Bilo down there. It's the same exact store same exact brands I bet you can find in either store and just a different name and a slight different change on the logo Outside of that it's all it's it's all the same but um Same shit. What was I gonna do banana milkshakes for the win? That's the only thing I got banana milkshakes

Speaker: Only from checkers. I don't know. Checkers and rallies is the same damn thing. I can have bananas in my house. I mean, my kids will eat them in like 30 seconds, but I'll let them go brown and throw mold and everything else before I touch them. Checkers, Cheyenne. Checkers. That is the newest member of the show, Pops. So before we get too far into this,

Speaker: Shout out the old socials you can find us at nonsensical nonsense basically anywhere and everywhere. What's going on Teddy? And since what nonsense on Facebook Instagram Twitter tick -tock you can join us live on Facebook Instagram Twitter Haps YouTube Twitch and you can get all the episodes on Spotify anchor Google Play Apple podcast basically anywhere and everywhere

Speaker: You get your little podcast and jollies from on the Twitter note real quick. Also, shout out to there's a lot of I can't think of their names, but shout out to all the guys who are retweeting us and supporting us and a huge shout out. Jeff, I said this a couple of weeks ago, but Ian Ian Bit Dead Bit Dead 77 on Twitter. Huge shout out to him every Friday. He puts out a list of his favorite podcast and every week for the last

Speaker: to almost three months. We've been in that list. So shout out to, uh, to Twitter and you guys and everybody who follows us on social media. We appreciate that. Go give us a like and share us, tell your friends about it and make sure you give Jeff the old double thumbing while you're at it. He really,

Speaker: And then you can always email us if you want to. I don't know why we have an email account other than to have all these fucking social media platforms. But you can email us if you want to. Get an email for somebody who buys kids now. I really hope not, but we'll find out. Yeah. Mine gets the old quadruple thumbing. That's the that is the

Speaker: I'm sitting here looking for something. I don't know what to do with it. That is the initiation. Jeff's going to give you a quadruple thumbing. Well, I mean, with his policy is I might not even feel it because this thumb is what, like a quarter of an inch. He has the he has the thumbs of an eight foot of an eight foot tall man. Oh, damn. It happens. Yeah, I'll hurt.

Speaker: Just a little bit. What's going on here, nurse? So, but yeah, you know, definitely want to welcome. Leave your fingernails. Leave your fingernails alone. No, but welcome to the show, Mike. You you filled in last week because somebody decided to take vacation. Apparently we do that here at nonsensical nonsense. We allow vacation days. We don't take vacations. It's the reason we call him in.

Speaker: Like five years? Yeah. Dude, the guy who hasn't worked in five years and lives in Mexico, like 20, like 20 feet from the ocean. Yeah, I haven't had a vacation in five years. But no, Mike filled in for you last week. Mike filled in for you last week, so everybody got a little crazy. Yeah, I caught a little bit of it. Sigmar gets his video shit, by the way.

Speaker: Everything in everything in Mexico shit can't drink the water can't do nothing down there No fucking sense to me whatsoever, but it is what it is but as I was saying welcome to the show Mike appreciate you coming on I we Appreciate you filling in last week. I think we had a good show we had fun and

Speaker: Got to thinking this week. I had a lot of time for thinking the last three days four days Yeah, we're just yeah, I don't want to get into that right now maybe see what what happens we'll get into it on a later episode but um, and I thought you know, there's some ideas that nothing we're gonna rush into tonight or anything like that but down the road there's some stuff that I've been

Speaker: as I've told Jeff in the past, there's some stuff that I've been kind of tossing around in the old melon that just isn't gonna work out for two guys. Not to mention like our starting five is gonna be, I think adding the additional first thing for the starting five is gonna make it a little bit funner. Oh yeah. Mike will make shirts with his videos off to make sure he gets more votes than anybody else because

Speaker: I do what I can. I do what I can. But did you say, I will, I will shirt shirts with his videos off. Yeah, that's exactly. That's exactly. He's got about he's got about 4000 followers that are all desperate housewives and single moms that love him. So he'll make thirst traps for days. I have to go.

Speaker: Then I'll have to show him how it's done. I will tell you this about that five. I was called a traitor because Glick sent me a screenshot of the five.

Speaker: And I said I like Jeff's I like Jeff's pics and he was like you fucking son of a bitch It's like see Jeff like see you tried he tried to stack the deck No, I didn't I counted all the votes. I told you that so there was a lot of people that voted for yours Back me up Keanu pulls, right

Speaker: piano poles. That was your saving grace, but it wasn't enough to save you. I still whooped that ass. Do I need to go get my championship belt again? Only because you stole it. Only because you stole it. What? If you get your championship belt, your son is going to come back here and take it from you again like you did the last time. He's not even here. I don't have to worry about him. Like all good sons should be doing. He's going to be on his way if you go get that belt.

Speaker: He gave it to me. Well, I mean, I can one up and I can just put my infinity gauntlet on and be the greatest, strongest champion of all time and nobody can defeat me. Well, we'll see about that. We need to do that again. Nice. Well, we're. Cameron said, go get the belt. Well, we're supposed to be. It is Wednesday night, so.

Speaker: I know you've been off, Jeffrey. Do you have an idea? Are you going to announce one here in a minute? I do. I'm going to announce. Since we didn't do the Christmas thing, I can't really think of anything cool for New Year's. We're going to keep on with our actors and do female actresses, living or dead, anywhere in the world. I mean, if you want Bollywood actresses, go for it. But we won't know who they are. So it's the only one.

Speaker: Jeff, Jeff's top five list is going to consist of all Mexican actresses that nobody knows who they are. Uh, no. Uh, I don't want to think of, if you want to actually know one of them. Is there no, is it that fucking yapping ass dog in the background? Oh my God, the dogs are driving us. I do have sad news though. One of the puppies died. Oh no. Well, that goes with Cameron in the comments who just said, uh, let's vote and see if that loud dog in the background lives.

Speaker: One on the dial. He actually was the runt. I think we all know what my vote is. He was the runt and runts. What did he, yeah, I mean that sucks that he died, but did he just die or? No, well I think it was the fact that the other dogs wouldn't let him eat and I tried to pull him away to eat and, you know, he wants to play with the big dogs, but when he plays with the big dogs, shit happens. He can't hurt. So the big dogs ate him, so you kind of

Speaker: Uh, prematurely jumped on the, um, announcement of the next starting five. You said it was gonna be female actors, correct? Female actors, yes. Uh, living or dead, just like, just like we did for the male actors, but, uh, female version, because we're trying to be woke. And it, it, it narrows down the pool. How, how'd that work out for you? How'd that, how'd that woke vote work out for you in the last, in the last starting five? I had Sam motherfucking Jackson.

Speaker: Back me up, Mike. Samuel L. Jackson. I mean, in exception to. In exception to just Star Wars, like everything, Samuel L. Jackson's done has been legit, right? But he's the same guy. Have you seen Black Snake Mo? Oh, my God. Have you seen Black Snake Mo? Yeah, that's what you're fucking wearing. You know, I've seen Die Hard 3.

Speaker: With your next lineup, Jeff, are you going to pick the female equivalent of Samuel L. Jackson and get Leslie Jones? Oh my god, I hate that shit. I find her... I like Sam Jackson, don't get me wrong. But he's the same character in every movie. So is the Rock, but we still watch his fucking movies and so is Nick King. You watch his movies, speak for yourself.

Speaker: I watch three rock movies and I've seen every movie in his repertoire. One of the qualifications to be on the show is you have to watch Willie's Wonderland.

Speaker: You'll love it. If you haven't seen that movie, when you watch... No, I heard you guys talking about it. What we talked about it too, where Nick Cage just went around beating everybody up and not talking through it. He's just like this. He says nothing throughout the whole fucking movie. And it is his best movie. It's one of those movies that is... But you have to snapchat us your reactions.

Speaker: So bad. Oh no. But it is so good. And I shit you not. I was like, dude, what the fuck is going on? It's so bad it's good. Turn your volume up, Cameron. Yeah, it's so bad it's good. It's one of those movies that don't expect much out of it. But at the end of the day, you're going to fucking love it. We love it. It's kind of like watching a Bruce Campbell movie. Like if it wasn't Nick Cage, it would have been Bruce Campbell.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. But you can't get Bruce Campbell to shut up for five seconds. Bruce Campbell is not, you know, it's like you on the show. Yeah.

Speaker: I just wish, I just wish Nicolas Cage would have said like one tagline in the movie so we could steal it. You know what I mean? Like give me one one liner so so we could have stole it and quoted it. It would have come up like 14 times in an episode but it would have been worth it. Yeah.

Speaker: You know, instead, we're stuck on an audio, I mean, outside of the lives, but mostly audio. We're just stuck doing Nicolas Cage facial expressions that nobody can see or understand why we got quiet. I don't know where, but I'm going to find somebody to make me a Willy's one. Yeah, sure. I got to have one. I'm sure you can probably get we actually. Jeff, we need to we actually have a line of merchandise coming out.

Speaker: developed from the whole show, which is Glick going look, distraction, and tree. Holding a beer going tree. And just randomly spouting, look, distraction. Well, make sure we send you a link to our, what's a Teespring page?

Speaker: I don't know, I deleted all of it off my phone and everything like that. That's right, I got one. Yeah. Nothing to use for good. Yeah, nothing to use for Ghost Rider. Ghost Rider was a decent movie. I liked Ghost Rider. It's not terrible. It's, it's, the problem I have with Ghost Rider is, uh, what's the chick? She just, she couldn't sell it for me. She wasn't hot enough for you.

Speaker: No, no, no, I think she's gorgeous. She was funny enough in training day. I know. She was also like did full frontal nudity in training day, but I digress.

Speaker: If you want to hear our review and our talk about Ghost Rider, if you want to hear our review about Ghost Rider and Nicholas Cage, please listen to Saturday's episode that is now posted on Spotify and all the places that you can get your your podcast listening needs to. Because that would be the all time interview get that we need, Nick Cage. Well, I mean, give it a couple of years. He might be broke enough where we could pay him five bucks to come on the show. And he'll take it. He'll do it.

Speaker: All the crap movies he's doing, I'm sure we can't get them now. Nick Cage, come on. Yeah. Right? Listen, we love you. Listen to how many you're talking about. Six degrees is the question of being a real thing. Somebody. We'll make you famous. We'll make you famous again, Nick. Come on. Billy the Kid from Young Goods? I'll make you famous. OK, calm down. Calm down.

Speaker: all right i don't think i don't think we're gonna i don't think we're i mean we did we did save al capone's house so i mean we have done we have done yeah we saved al capone's house and we saved something else what else we saved we did something else i can't remember what it was but the big we did save al capone's house so i mean you know we're pretty influential on this show believe it or not i mean we're doing big things we own we own a bus we own our own personal

Speaker: Jet, we have a spaceship. I mean, we're big top. And I've got a helicopter that Chris hasn't got the bill for. Yeah, Jeff bought a helicopter that, without Glitz permission, he bought a spaceship without mine. Well, that's the great thing about being the host and the ringleader of this band of idiots. I can do what I want.

Speaker: I'm getting a Yellowstone logo painted on the side of that motherfucker. God damn I'm in season two. Well I forgot to tell you we didn't make the first two payments and I gave the repo guys the address to our holding area. That's alright. Of course when they got there Bob offered them frozen fish sticks and uncooked macaroni but you know. They made a lot of it.

Speaker: Daddy's skull, which is why he's slamming now. Bob has done a lot of dumb things and that's why he works for the show. It's part of our community outreach. It's nonsensical nonsense gets back. It's part of his probation. Well now you make it sound like that. I was trying to make it sound like we were doing good stuff for the community. We're reaching out.

Speaker: We're we're trying to help reform our wish it was my wish it was my wish to be on the show And then you put me on the show and now you bastards went off and added me to the show I don't know what the fuck you guys are gonna do now That's the other great thing at any moment I could just hit the there's two little

Speaker: buttons on the side and I can just get rid of both of you and you'll be like, Jeff, Mike, who never heard of him? This is just me. Retracked that Tiktoker just made. Yes. The hostess with the mostest. I said that a couple of episodes back, I was trying to rhyme and I was thinking I was pretty drunk at the time and I was trying to rhyme and I said it and Jeff was like, uh, don't you mean host? Shut up pops. Old truckers, my old man.

Speaker: Yeah. And then Joe's, which I had to fire him. I think I talked to him on one of your lies. Probably. Probably. I had to fire him. We gave him a sabbatical and then he just took advantage of it, so I just fired him. I didn't take him off the payroll. It was getting too expensive. I just can't be paying people just to hang out and drive trucks around all the time, so. We already had a driver position filled, so.

Speaker: Right. Cause of Bob. You pay so much. Not talking about it. We make a lot of money off this. Well, I make, I make, I don't know. And I, I'm doing this for free. I didn't even get a contract. I think we need to work something out after the show. Damn. Oh no. See when, when you, when you agreed on Snapchat and we were, and we were talking about you doing the show last week.

Speaker: You gave me, that was you signing the contract. I slid it in there and you agreed to it. Same with Jeff. I did the same thing. It's all legalized. It's all recorded. It's all legalized and documented. My lawyers. Whatever.

Speaker: The law offices of nonsensical and nonsense and Schwartz have already looked everything over It's all good. You guys are locked into a legal binding contract. So That's just that's just how I work for one year If a law office was called white as in the color white and warm

Speaker: I always thought that'd be a cool name for a white woman. I feel like you're... It's a little corny, but the law office is a white wall, they'll call you. The people at Nonsensical Nonsense would like to express to all of our viewers that the expressions of one person's opinions are not what all of us hold on. We are very culturally sensitive.

Speaker: Oh, he said right. We're not we're not woke. We're not. I feel like you were trying to make a yeah, a little bit of a don't worry about being a book. Since the guy who who pointed out his first top five, so I don't get called. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You said you said I was trying to be woke. You said I would be I looked at it and I went, fuck, I got a lot of white people. I'm going to get shit for this.

Speaker: because then you said people of color as well. Then you got more shit for making sure you had a black person in there. I had to. Because then you made Sam Jackson token black man. Good for you. No, no, no. I got Morgan Freeman in there, too. Oh, yeah. I forgot about Morgan Freeman. Only because Morgan Freeman does the best voice over work. Second only to James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones. Yeah.

Speaker: I would take Sam Elliott with voice over work, but I mean. See, token white guy. The guy's got an amazing voice. Sam Elliott does have a major voice. I want Sam Elliott to read me a bedtime story at night.

Speaker: When I die and they do the biopic about me because I'll be so amazing and famous and everything like that, I want Morgan Freeman and Sam Elliott to share narrative duties and narrate my movie. Well, I mean, they're all already like 100 years old. I'm sure they'll still be alive by the time you can't see it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I don't know. What are they doing by this weekend? Speaking of being old,

Speaker: You know, one of my favorite actresses turns 100 this year. Betty White? Betty fucking White, man. Yeah. You ever seen pictures of her? I was about to say, that bitch is hot back in the day. Yes, she was. Yes, she was. Yes, she was. And funny as fuck, man. Oh, yeah. Everyone's never not been funny. Oh, trust me, Cameron, in the chatter's box. I fully intend to. And I am archiving.

Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ. Of course, it's archived. Yes, it's on. It's a fucking podcast. It's on a fucking. I remember stuff that you say, Jeff. I know. No fucks giving. I'm calling you out. Oh, no. I got ran over by a bus. I don't mind. Hey, wicked numbness. I don't mind. Over to. Hey, what's going on? Hey, Milton. Uncle Milton, what's going on, buddy? Thanks. That's awesome.

Speaker: I don't know what you're talking about being thrown under a bus. I'm constantly being thrown under a bus. It's not really throwing you under the bus when you say things into a hot mic onto a live recording. Those are softballs. No, I'm just saying like, much like your draft pick and you're like,

Speaker: So I can get the woke vote and people don't think I'm racist. I want to go ahead and put not one, but two black guys on there. You hear me? I'm not racist. Understand my point. My thought process was this is going on all social media. We're going to get called out if we have none of our white guys.

Speaker: But you realize, Jeff, that you still fucked up, though, because you got two old black guys. So now you're saying that young black guys, they're not in a different bracket. What about me? I listen. I listen. He's amazing. I listen back to that that episode. And and this is and Jeff and I brought this up. We had actually said this. This is the problem about these top five lists is because Jeff tells us on Wednesday night. So we have Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and basically Saturday.

Speaker: Right. To come up with our list. It's not as easy as you think it is. So I was listening back to that episode, and dude, I probably had 15 more names pop into my head. Like, oh, why didn't I pick him? Oh, easy. Why didn't I pick him? Same thing. You have like Sean Connery. You had John Wayne. I mean, you. Well, John Wayne is very much the rock of his age. I mean, he literally played the same thing. Oh, yeah. So. Well, it was. Which is why people like to rock, didn't show up on the list.

Speaker: yeah that's that's the only thing i want to pick the rock chris would have never let me let that shit down no well you pick the rock you would have put the rock on it no i would have not been in the first place but i'm saying if you pick someone yeah gene wilder don't forget gene wilder i mean he's one of the funniest yeah i mean that's what that's what i'm talking about that's what chris is saying is like

Speaker: literally you'll you'll give your five i'll give my five christian his life and then wednesday right before we do the show you go fuck why did i think of this motherfucker it's it's it's not as easy as it sounds and i got a full extra day do you have more than that actually because you

Speaker: Well, we didn't we didn't do a list this week because somebody decided to take Saturday off Yeah, somebody although I think I appreciate it because then that left room for me

Speaker: I mean, as egotistical and narcissistic as I am, Jeffrey, I could have created my own list and I could have put my list up there and then I could have claimed yet another victory over you. But instead, we'll just say by default, by forfeit, I'm 2 and 0 and you suck. That wouldn't have worked because I could have came up with five Christmas songs. I could have came up with five Christmas songs off the job. You know, the first farewell, Christmas bells.

Speaker: of Trans -Siberian Orchestra Christmas Bell. But it wouldn't. The Rock version. It wouldn't have helped to be sad. It would have held out. Trans -Siberian Orchestra, dude? What the fuck? I had the ultimate Christmas song that I didn't think Chris would think of. I had Christmas in the Ollies by Run DMC. So did I. God damn, I knew you would, too. That was my second pick. That would have been my number one. Yeah. My number one pick was going to be Mary Did You Know.

Speaker: Okay, okay. Oh did you have a boy on on your list at all? No, let's see. I love that fucking song. Mmm. I was going I was going a little I was going Outside of Mary. Did you know not so much traditional like like Elvis's blue Christmas and I wasn't going like I wouldn't I

Speaker: I was going to have John. If I had done it, mine would have been John Lennon's No More War, Let There Be Christmas.

Speaker: It's Christmas time, or whatever. Well, that's because you're a giant vagina. Really? Yeah, I was going to say, that's kind of a really woke thing to say. Wow. Wow. Forgive a new sin for being woke. Wow, says the guy who. No, I'm not going to say that. Says the guy who. I like the guy who's a dumb black man. You know what?

Speaker: You know what? Don't even talk to me about Woke because you know Captain Marvel is on your list for female. You know Captain Marvel is on your list. No, she is not. I cannot stand Brie Larson. You never hit a woman. I'm going to say this right now. I would never hit a woman, but I would knock that bitch out. You know Brie's on that list. You know it. I cannot stand that. Right?

Speaker: No, somebody was calling him right up. I had to write him up last week. I don't know if you caught that. I wrote him up last week. Yes, co -host, writing up the host up. On Netflix, there's a movie that Brie Larson directed, and Sam Jackson is in it. It's called The Unicorn Store.

Speaker: Don't waste your time. Biggest piece of shit I ever saw. And I told you. I watched it because I was hoping she'd at least be in a bathing suit or something. I watched King Kong and didn't even know she was in that movie until after Captain Marvel. I was like, damn, I used to like that movie. Yes, yes, ladies. The woke guy on the show, the woke guy on the show only watches movies with females in it if they're hot.

Speaker: Thanks. And he and he and he. The chick from fucking Yellowstone. I'll let that woman be mine. Where is that playing at? Because I was trying to Google that shit. I'm watching 83. Prime Video Paramount. But when I go to Paramount, it's showing it's not showing those bastards. Yeah, I'll send you a link.

Speaker: All right. I'll send you a free link. Because it's watchseries .com. Watchserieshd .com. All right. What do you think of it, sir? Because it's driving me nuts. It's only three seasons of 1883, and it's driving me freaking nuts. I got to have my fix. Oh, my god. You can, um, you can, uh.

Speaker: That last episode. I haven't gotten to 1883 yet. I got to fit in. Oh, you need to get on it. You need to get on it. I love the I love the back the flashbacks of them when they're younger. And yeah, I can't remember the guy's name. I don't know if he's 1883 or not, but that plays the younger version of Kevin. Fuck my brain just skipped.

Speaker: Kevin Costner. Thank you. What the hell are you talking about? A younger version of... Kevin Costner. Do you realize that 1883 is like 200 years before... No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm talking about Yellowstone. In Yellowstone, we have flashbacks of... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Younger Kevin Costner is played by another actor. Camille just made the...

Speaker: the comment of the show. Jeff, why do you look like you're on a green screen for Sanford and South? It literally looks like...

Speaker: I mean, it's because my background is awesome. I'm literally shooting in my dole quest. That's the house you're wearing. You're showing off your whiteness. You're showing off your whiteness living in Mexico. Oh, I am the whitest thing for 40 blocks, brother. Let me tell you. I think it's nine degrees where I'm at with a foot of snow on the ground. Thanks a lot. I'm wearing shorts.

Speaker: You couldn't see it in the video I sent you for that TikTok that you did. But I was wearing swim trunks. Because I was in the pool world. Because it was 95 degrees today. Life is so difficult, I'll tell you that. It's rough, let me tell you. Let me tell you. Joanne, it's like it's 76 here. Just rub it all in. Look at that.

Speaker: Thank you, Wicked Numbness. They're all in Florida, apparently. Yeah, that's where my parents are. My parents are making their permanent residence in Florida now, because they winter. They summer. Yeah, they are. Betty's vacation in Florida right now is mom. Your mom actually messaged me the other day and asked me,

Speaker: If getting pool noodles on Amazon or eBay would be a better than going to Walmart. And I told her, I said, you can get all your pool noodle and needs at the Dollar General. Don't worry about it. They're cheap and they're easy. I mean, they got colors for days. Just parents live down in Florida and in the old people communities, the retirement in Florida, they are all

Speaker: Basically, according to her. Yeah, it's like a real life porn shoot every day. So each pool noodle, the color represents a different thing. What they're into. What they're into or what they want to do. I heard about that. I heard about that. It's not actually true. Don't let it go. It is actually true. It's 100 % true. No, no, let's say my parents. No, I've heard about that. They made like a news article. They made like a news article.

Speaker: They made a new article about that. Purple means like you're swingers and shit.

Speaker: My mom would listen to the show because we were quote unquote too dirty. I was like, oh, you haven't heard nothing yet. She could listen now. But Tina, Tina is suffering with us because she says it's five degrees where she's at and windy. So she, she, she doesn't make it as low as 16 degrees in my bedroom. It's 50 years. So I'm not too pissed.

Speaker: 50 here, you really have people freezing on the side of the road. Yeah. Yeah. Tina says it's 50 in Ohio. I saw you did a goose down jacket the other day, and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? It's cold. Like, it's 80 degrees. 50 in Ohio at the end of December is a rarity. Typically, it's 30 below, and the snow is at my second floor window.

Speaker: Hence why I made so much fun of Texas last year when they got their little baby blizzard. That was ridiculous. You could see there's a truck driving down the road and there's like three drops of snow and it's like you can tell he's from Texas and his lights are flat. Well, my buddy.

Speaker: My buddy, he lives out in Austin, and he's from Michigan. He's up by Lake Sinclair, and he lives out in Austin now. And last year when they got that snow storm, he's like 65 down the freeway, and everybody else is sliding off. They're doing five miles an hour, sliding off the road, sliding into ditches, and he's like Snapchatting. I don't know what everybody's problem is. It's only like an inch of snow.

Speaker: Old trucker you're up there in Rockford, Illinois. I'm actually about like an hour and a half for me right now Yeah, Rockford, that's that's that's the quads. That's the quad cities. That's that's my neck of the woods right there Just outside of Chicago

Speaker: I try to stay away from, I try to stay away from Illinois. There's a badass restaurant there, Chris. Mike, you might know it. It's called Boobies. It's actually a restaurant. It's called Boobies. The only reason I know this restaurant is because that's the road when I'm driving through Illinois. I see that sign for Boobies. I'm like, oh, I got to take the next right. Right?

Speaker: Of course, you would be that guy. I'm on the way. Boobies. I'm my boobies. I'll be the 20 minutes. So that's what the shirts are going to be. Glitz is going to have a beer going tree. And I'm going to have a beer going, look, destruction. And you're going to be like, boobies. Boobies. That's me all the time. My wife is literally, do you guys remember Jersey Shore, that stupid show?

Speaker: No, I don't remember it because it was stupid if I refused to watch it. No, no, no, no. But you understand the concept, right? It's like the real world. Well, they have a version of it called... It's nothing like the real world, but okay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right. Nothing. Mexico called Acapulco Shore. And since I bought the Paramount package for Prime so I could watch Yellowstone, my wife found that they have all the seasons of Acapulco Shore. So...

Speaker: That's all I've been listening to while I'm working. And you want to talk about boobies? Damn. These chicks are stacked. So distractions, boobs, and trees. These chicks are literally walking around half naked in a club, and I'm like, wait, I got to make a phone call, right? Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, all of a sudden, you want to watch the show. I'll do it when one of the guys comes off the screen.

Speaker: I have no idea what they're saying. You sir, you sir are so ghetto. It's fucking retarded. So woke. You put the her in hero buddy. You put the her in hero. The wokest person on the show.

Speaker: and you said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect. You said that a little too perfect.

Speaker: Brooklyn Nine -Nine. Brooklyn Nine -Nine. Oh, yeah, I heard you talking about that. You said you couldn't even get through, like, what, five minutes of the show and you turned it off? Oh, my God, it was just... Because they were social distancing in the show? No, not even about the social distancing. The one, the quote -unquote, badass chick on the show, she's the badass cop, you know, whatever. Yeah. She quit because of George Floyd. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm done.

Speaker: I was like, I'm done. I'm done. Well, I mean, that's what they said about the new Matrix movie was that it was super woke. Yeah, I watched it. I don't want to give away for people that want to watch it, but, uh, yeah, it felt a little bit like Captain Marvel. On a scale of one to what the fuck? Where is it? On the woke scale. One being.

Speaker: Matrix 1. Oh, one being the best? Like, the first Matrix? One being, yeah, exactly. One being, Matrix 1, and what the fuck being, Jeff is not gonna watch this movie. I would put it at an eight. And the reason why I put it at eight. Okay, so Ghostbusters 2016, we all agree that movie fucking sucked, right? Oh my god, the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen.

Speaker: But they all went through the original cast. Bill Murray was in it and all them. And when they did it, it wasn't called pandering. But when they redid the new Ghostbusters, it was called pandering. Besides the point, they went through the old characters. It was nice to see them all back on the screen if it was even this god -awful, sucky movie. They kind of pandered in this Matrix movie.

Speaker: where they just revisited things from the original trilogy. It felt predictable, like I saw it a mile away and they redid the first scene that Trinity was in.

Speaker: The only, you just had the biggest eye roll from me. The biggest eye roll. And then, and then I guess the biggest slap in the face was they recasted Morpheus. Morpheus, Morpheus, Morpheus. Yeah. They recasted him and to me, it just made no sense why they did that. Like they justified Neo and sort of Neo and Trinity, but why?

Speaker: He didn't go to the Alien City. He didn't do any of that stuff. He should have died. He should have died of old age. So I don't even, I guess they wanted to show him as this new techy techie. I mean, if I was an actor, I wouldn't even take in that role. Why would you even want to take a role and emulate somebody else? It's one of those roles, and we've talked about this before about the subjects, but certain roles, you can't

Speaker: Yeah, if you if you try to see somebody else in the role you're out ruins the movie The guy did a good job, I mean I'll give him now he did a good job he was actually one of the only parts of the movie that I Enjoyed but it just felt off it felt everything about it felt off and then the way that they

Speaker: The only cool part that I liked, and that's just because I liked this actor, was the villain. That was the only thing I liked about it. But they recast that they brought back people that should have never been brought back, like Smith. Why the fuck did they bring back Smith? I don't know. Considering he died and blew up. You know, they brought him back and recasted him.

Speaker: And I don't even know what the fuck. You just want to go ahead and tell the whole movie and slow up for everybody? There, Jeff Jr.? Nope. Nope. That's all. That's all. That's all. That's it. That's it. That's all I got. There's a reason why we got rid of movie reviews. Yeah. No, that's all I'm going to say. I did not give... You watched the movie and you'll know that I didn't give away anything. There's no plot points.

Speaker: Because there's no plot. Well, the Smith character wasn't even relevant to the story. That's why I didn't give away anything. But he was there. Shut the fuck up, Mike. Joann's like, stop. OK, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. What did I do? I wasn't impressed.

Speaker: somebody got a brand new shovel. Yeah, I want to I want to dig dig dig. Yeah. So, it is break time, I believe. Take a quick break. Well, not quite but we can we can break early. No. Cuz we can we can we can. I'm

Speaker: kind of quiet this week. I guess everybody was in the Christmas mood so they weren't acting up and being too incredibly stupid. But I got a little bit of news for you guys coming up. I do have a, I do have another super sized top 10, but I have a feeling I should be getting a phone call here in a few minutes so we can go ahead and take a quick break and then I will

Speaker: Chris is going to do DoorDash real quick. Yeah, right? You guys just ramble. I'm going to go do DoorDash. I've been waiting for a phone call all day. So actually, Jeff, what I can do, you can

Speaker: so you guys aren't just left stranded. Oh dude, I got a really good top 10 for Saturday since it's New Year's Eve. Shut the fuck up. Really good one. I will send you over, see if you get this real quick. I'm gonna send you the top 10 that I have. And if you get that, then while I'm on the phone, so you guys aren't just left here to your own devices. Start with.

Speaker: Yeah, you can go ahead and roll into it. Are you scared of click? It's a, it's a super, it's another super sized one. I'm not afraid of anything, but damn it. I got a professional show here that I'm trying to do. I don't need you to knuckle heads on your own devices. I can't leave you guys left. I don't know. Did it come through Jeff? Yeah, I got it. The first one cracks me up. Should I read from the top down? No, read from the bottom up. 25 up.

Speaker: But it's another supersized one because you can breeze through it relatively quick. Some things we talked about before, they've come up. Number 25 cracks me up. But yeah, let's go ahead and break a little bit early. That way, hopefully, I get this music out of the way. Well, it won't get interrupted

Speaker: Were you able to get the picture of the video working? No, it's not presenting still. So, but guys, we'll be right back after this break. Keep you a little black top mojo for you. So enjoy them. We got Mike. Got Mike. Oh, yeah. If you, uh, yeah, when we come back from the break, I've got some, I got some things to say about black top Mojo when we come back from the break.

Speaker: There you go. So you guys definitely need to come back to hear my expert opinion on what I think of Black Top Mojo. Is that right? But if you're not already here, check out Black Top Mojo. Again, all search will need you anywhere you stream music. Go listen to them, go to their videos, comment, like it, tell them that nonsensical nonsense sent you. It'll really confuse the hell out of them, but either way,

Speaker: It might help us get them on the show. Because that is a working party. I still want to meet them when they get that notification that Nonsenseical Nonsense sent. Who? Yeah, right? What the fuck? Who? What? Why don't we just get two messages that said Nonsenseical Nonsense sent. This is from Jeff and Chris. Oh, no, there's a mic. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Who are these? What kind of nonsense is this shit? That is kind of the cool thing about alcohol.

Speaker: With them with me not being able to present music yet is I can dive into their archive That's my word of the day archive so and I have been So I've actually been diving into their day musical catalog

Speaker: And I've gotten to play a lot of the stuff that I haven't got to play before, some stuff that I like that, obviously, if you've never heard of the band, but if you know the band, you know their songs that are big and popular. You know their covers that they've done. The next break, don't let me forget, Mike, I want to do a cover of theirs. I was going to do that Saturday night. Absolutely a cover. OK. No, I'm not going to sing it. I'm going to play it. Which one are you thinking? I don't know. I got him to sing last night. Dream On. Who is the singer? It's amazing, isn't it?

Speaker: I love that. I'll surprise you with the cover. I'll surprise you with the cover. Just let me forget someone I'm looking for. That one's probably the best version of Dream Mama I ever heard. They did a killer job. We're going to take a real quick break, guys. We'll be back in just a few minutes. Again, enjoy some ad -free Black Dot Mojo, maybe.

Speaker: Only by the lessons that I have learned Just to match to a bridge it's always gonna burn And I'm lost even when I'm staring at the man My only wish now is I could take it all back And I've robbed everything from hill to Houston Only thing on my mind now is keep on shooting

Speaker: Anything in front of my gun don't have a plan. And bullets spread out into the sky. Allow me for them now, baby, let's never die. You got me crying now, yeah, you think you are.

Speaker: While I'm blind and you're just an ex -bullet in my gun When I hear the loss of missile of that southbound train Even the burn of whiskey won't kill my brain

Speaker: Where the moon gets full and the coyote cries These men are all driven by created lies You see that smoke can't come to my head Unless the bodies all drop into the desert sand

Speaker: And some of the gunshots in the distance will keep on running Yeah, just keep on running It's your gun that's ringing out through the air Anything in front of my guns, I don't have a prayer

Speaker: And bullets spread out into the sky I'm important now, baby, let's just never die You got me cut at night, yeah, you think you won Well, partner, you're just an ex -bully, my girl Well, partner, you're just an ex -bully, my girl

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I've been one now, baby, legends never die in

Speaker: Hell yeah. It's something I could say before myself. That's that song that always gets me. I waited for your little ring to start moving that clip. That is that song. They always get me on that song because

Speaker: about a minute and a half before the song's in, they hit that drum and then they go, and then they bring it back in and it's like, you fuckers aren't going to get me this time. God damn it. I almost clicked on it, but welcome back to nonsensical nonsense guys. As I said in the beginning, I'm Glick. Well, not that it matters because unless you're watching live, you're not going to know, but the guy down there in the hat, that's Mike. And the other guy who's the wish version of Nicolas Cage,

Speaker: That's Jeffrey. We call him Captain Carton for sure. Speaking of being short, for the first time in Jeff's life, he was taller than somebody in a video that Mike made. How did that make you feel, buddy? Oh my god, I felt like a six feet long bulletproof. You will definitely get laid tonight. You got laid before the show. The video was that good? All right.

Speaker: No, she doesn't need to send a video yet. Don't worry. Yeah, I do what he was doing. He messaged me. He had told me to keep sending him Snapchat so that he could finish real quick. He just wanted to hear my voice. I don't understand it. It's weird. Literally, I have my phone and my pants locked. I just keep hearing, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling

Speaker: But anyways, welcome back to the show guys if you're not already check us out on all social media on Tick tock sorry Facebook Instagram tick tock Twitter nonsensical nonsense. You can join us live every Wednesday and Saturday night on Twitter

Speaker: Haps, YouTube, Twitch, Facebook, and Twitter, again, nonsensical nonsense, and anywhere and everywhere you get your podcasts and jollies from, whether it be Anchors, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Podcasts, you guessed it, nonsensical nonsense. I mean, you can simply go to Spotify and say Spotify, play nonsensical nonsense, and it'll literally play our very last episode. So, it's that easy. Go follow us, go love us,

Speaker: Go like it, go tell your mama about it, and give Jeff the double thumbing. And Mike, he wants the quadruple thumbing. Jeff has muted us and not listening, so he missed his cue for the thumbing. You have failed me, Jeffrey. Yeah, give me two seconds. I gotta grab something. But, uh... Fried chicken. Fried chicken.

Speaker: Uh, but at the same sense, we also do have an email account. You can email us for whatever reason. You want to email us. That's at nonsensical nonsense at Gmail, nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com. Fuck. I don't know them. I don't know the email. That's, that's Jeff's job. So. Which he has stepped away. So he does. He is, he is like, he is like fucking Harry Houdini, man. One minute he's there. The next minute he's gone.

Speaker: He's quick too. He's fast, super fast. Hey Jessica, welcome to the show. They have a smaller surface to cover so they can disappear faster. You know what I mean? When you're three foot tall. The only downside to Jeff, he's three foot tall, 300 pounds. So I mean, he's got that going for it.

Speaker: So now slow down just a little bit still want to put a leash on him though. Still want to just duct tape him to the chair. If you live closer, I would make him wear a shock collar during the show. And that way, every time he just got up and left or whatever, I would I would hit him with it. Just right. I hear you. Of course. Then we did we have to put like GoPros all around his house.

Speaker: just to get the comedic videos out of blasting him with the shock collar as he walks away from the computer and we light him up. And he's like, oh, I gotta go wipe my wife's ass. She went to the bathroom. He's just. She's a very needy woman. She needs a lot from him. Well, it's nice to be needed.

Speaker: I guess. That's all I got to say about that. On other news, Clint. But anyways, Blacktop Mojo. Now, I've been listening to the show for a little while, and you've been playing the songs. You've been playing the songs. And today I was listening to a podcast.

Speaker: I was just like, you played, you played one song on, on, uh, on, uh, You were listening to this podcast, right? You were listening to another podcast. No, I was listening to this podcast. Okay. Cause you already betrayed my trust once when you voted for Jeff. So I'll make sure you're not betraying my trust for the second time. Cause that's two shakes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker: No, no. Um, but, uh, yeah, I was listening to, uh, I think it was the one where you and Jeff were actually setting up the final draft. I was listening to that one. And you played that really good song from black top Mojo. And I was just like, you know what? I'm going to listen to their, their albums. I looked them up on Spotify and they got four albums out. And you know what I'm going to tell you about that? What is it called? Ships burning ships. That album.

Speaker: That's an amazing album. You know, it's really hard to even, even from a great band, like, or, or what you would call a great band or what any, you know, we're not dealing with opinions right now, but you know, like Aerosmith or The Who or, you know, you get an album, like a top, you know, once you got those top, you know, best hits CDs.

Speaker: You're going to have some songs on there that kind of suck. And you're like, eh, OK. Well, but the rest of the album is good, but this song, eh. But I listened to three out of the four. I just now started listening to their latest one. And you know what? The entire album, all of them, are very listenable. I freaking shared. There was this one song. I shared it on Snapchat.

Speaker: I yelled at a guy at work. I was like, hey, you need to listen to the song. I sent it to him and got him listening to Black Top Mojo. And even the album covers, the burning shifts album cover, like that's like, I saw that, I saw that cover. I was like, you know what? I would fucking put that on my living room wall. That is a beautiful album cover. And it's just, that's a

Speaker: I really hope that that band goes places because they've got really good music. They're really good. Well, and that's the other thing with a lot of musicians, it's tough to put an album out full of good songs.

Speaker: and they do they do it every fucking time. And Jeff and I talked about it in the past with with them. A lot of their a lot of their songs, if you listen to them and a lot of artists don't do this anymore, they tell stories. And then when they make a video for that song, it goes perfect. It's all it's. Yeah, I watched it. It follows. Perfect. I want when I made the when I made the commercial that you guys said was, you know, about me, but whatever.

Speaker: Um, you know, when I made that commercial director scotch. Yeah, just a little bit, but I watched the director's cut of wicked women because I was actually going to try and, uh, incorporate some of blacktop mojo in there, but then I started thinking like, yeah, we only have permission to use their music. I don't know if we have permission to use their likeness and, you know, as big time as we are, we, we.

Speaker: We just don't want to have them lose in a legal battle against us. So I decided not to use anything from the from the. Well, OK, OK, OK. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Well, like a motherfucker. Well, let me let me let me stop you right there before you get too crazy. Do you say something that's going to be used against you in some way, shape or form? And yes, I will testify against you when Jeff and I would be.

Speaker: So I know I know when the bus is hitting me, you know, that's But uh When Jeff and I started that when we first started this the first thing that I wanted to do was be able to incorporate music and

Speaker: into the podcast, so I was trying to figure it out with editing and this, that, and the other thing, because I didn't know how to do any of that when we first started, what tools to use, this, that, and the other. So one of the first things I did was I actually reached out to Matt, who is the lead singer of Blacktop Mojo. And I did not expect to get an answer. I was actually really surprised because he hit me back real quick. And basically I said, hey man, I'm a huge fan of the music. I love you guys, I've been a fan for like 10 years.

Speaker: where I'm starting a podcast, would it be cool to use your guys' music in it? If not, I totally understand. But he hit me right back, and he's like, man, just give us props. And I was like, oh, absolutely. No worries about that whatsoever. So we actually have, and this is the fight, and we've said this a million times, this is a fight that we have with Facebook every episode. I have to go back in and dispute it because they mute the audio.

Speaker: and all that, so they're not ever gonna, well, I won't say they're not ever going to, but if they do one day say, hey, stop using our music, well then, I'll stop using their music. But until then, we're good. Yeah, we can pretty much do it. I mean, when I sent out a message to them to ask for Chris's birthday present, I got that video back like the next day.

Speaker: and they were on tour and they were middle of tour and they were like sure so they sent out a shout out and that was really cool. Well since she got like all these inside connections with the band could you tell them to swing by Iowa on one of their tour dates?

Speaker: I mean, that's what sucks. That's what sucks. They actually did two shows in Ohio this summer. Uh, one was up by, we won, I think. And then they were in Columbus, which Columbus is only about a half hour, 45 minutes from me. And unfortunately I was not able to go. I wanted to, but now a big fan of the band. They're, they're, they're great guys. Like I said, you know,

Speaker: I reached out a while back and asked Matt about them coming on the show being guests on the show You know, he said yeah, I'm down. I said, you know, look, I know you guys are busy to send the other thing You know, so I just want to put it out there and he actually gave me their their PR guy reached out to him talked to him He was super cool. He was like, yeah, let me talk to you guys

Speaker: Yeah, he came back. I only have one request that the wicked woman actually shows up, because I got some blessing from her. All right. Cat is actually, when we do the interview, Cat is coming to your house. That's fine. I'll take that beating. Let me take a look at her. Jesus.

Speaker: Actually, the only question I have is where she got that outfit because I want to get one for my life. Put this on and put that cape on because we're going to play Wicked Woman. Any costume store? I mean, you could get it. That's what every woman really wants.

Speaker: That's what every woman wants you to do. You visualizing it's another woman while you're banging the crap out of your own woman. So you're such a romantic, Jeff. Such a romantic. Oh, you have no idea. I do a sexy dance. Hey, can you dress like Princess Leia next week? That is one I've never really been like, hey, that's never crossed my mind.

Speaker: Well, my wife has lingerie and stuff. I'm like, don't even bother, because we're just going to take it off. Just get naked. That works. I never understood the concept of lingerie. I get the concept. Don't get me wrong. But when it comes down to lingerie, it's like, hey, you want to impress me, show up naked. That's impressive. Well, you get functional lingerie that they can still wear while you do what you do. I like the edible one. It tastes like fruit leaves.

Speaker: We were talking about Blacktop Mojo. We were talking about Blacktop Mojo. Squirrel ran past and I had to... I'm gonna kick that fucking squirrel in the dick just so you know. You know what would probably be about the best concert that I could think of? Fantasy concert, that would be Blacktop Mojo, Jelly Roll, and Aaron Lewis. Bam. That would be like the best concert that I could think of right now. Which Aaron Lewis though? Which Aaron Lewis? You want 90s Aaron Lewis or Aaron Lewis today?

Speaker: I have actually seen Aaron Lewis and stained recently a couple years ago and I've seen stained when they were first popular stained I seen him at the Polaris amphitheater and I wanted to go Kill Aaron Lewis right Betty and put him out of his fucking mazes tree tree look destruction

Speaker: um but uh it was so bad because and this is only going to be effective for those of you watching us live but he sang every song just like this every single song he sang it just like this he didn't play the entire time and he just sang his slowly little songs this is kind of like asmr for you jeffrey

Speaker: To get that reference there's an episode where I was literally I started the first one 50 episodes I started the back of my phone so I could see what the fuck's going on and Chris is like wait I got something for you, and I'm not seeing anything so so he does picture like this He downstairs the camera he goes he goes so I got something for you It's wicked

Speaker: And I had no fucking clue it was coming, and I lost it. I lost, I laughed so hard. Yeah, that was one of the very beginning episodes when the motherfuckers dead stare in the camera, and I'm like, it's hot, I'm trying to go get beer. And I'm like, what's it doing? Because I'm literally staring at the back of my phone, and all of a sudden he's like, so it's,

Speaker: I don't remember what the fucking. Yeah, I don't remember what I said, but I came back and did. We were talking about ASMR and I came back and did ASMR and then I meant to call it a callback and I called it a reach around. And I was like, whoa. We don't do, we don't do callbacks. Well, we know what was on Glick's mind. Yeah. Well, yeah. Reach around Glick. That's what, is that what they called you in high school? Reach around Glick.

Speaker: Yeah, that's better than what they called Jeff. They called Jeff Tokyo Drift in high school.

Speaker: Because he used to blow a guy whose pecker had a 90 degree curve in it. Damn. That is not what happened. Jeff would start at the end of the locker room, and he would run. And when he hit the shoulder or the shower, he would drop to his knees and slide. So he'd drift around.

Speaker: get the whole thing so in junior high school i was on the wrestling team and after practice he also took a shower because you have a chance of ringworm and all that fun stuff right and you know we we we had all these guys in this giant shower right and one of the guys came in

Speaker: and literally bent head as quick as you could think. He bent down, looked within a foot of this dude's dick and went, what is wrong with your dick? This dickless curve. There's 20 guys in a locker room naked and this dude does this and I fucking lost it. I was almost on this shower floor laughing my ass off.

Speaker: He just, all of a sudden he's standing there and all of a sudden he goes, what is wrong with your dick? And I told him to start a dress and he accused me of doing a 90 degree curve dick. I didn't accuse you. You told me that you blew a guy with the 90 degree curve dick. An advanced gym. This here's what he wants to hear.

Speaker: The audio is archived. The audio is in the archive. Word of the day, archived. The story is in the archive, Jeffrey. And it's not edited in any way, shape, or order. It's nothing free about voting except for what you said. It does now. It's not known each other so long. And it's almost creepy. But we literally think alike.

Speaker: to the point where we both did the same TikTok at the exact same time, not telling the other we were doing it. I'm trying to bust each other's balls. Trying to bust each other's balls on it. And we both, I mean, within seconds each other, they got uploaded. Let me tell you about my gay friend sound on TikTok. We both did it. We both were like, oh, I got an idea. And the exact same video popped up within seconds. Hey, Jessica.

Speaker: But I mean, the audio is there. The audio is not edited. It is not fixed in any way, shape, and or form. The audio is there saying that Jeff blew a guy with a 90 degree pecker in high school. Never have I ever. And Jeff just said that you and Glitz think so much alike. So does that mean that Glitz did the same thing in high school? No. We think alike. We don't. We don't. I said so much alike. I don't know. I don't make the rules. I don't make the rules.

Speaker: I don't make the rules. That's what you said. That's what Jess said. Jess said, me and Glick think so much alike. We made the same TikTok. And there your Glick is like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something, brother. Me and him think so much alike. Christmas in there. Please help me out later. Let me show you how it's done, damn it.

Speaker: The truth has come out. The truth has come out. But you know what? It's OK, Glick, because when you're in high school, something experimenting happens. Maybe you and Jeff experimented with each other. Who cares? It's 2021. It's OK. It's all right. You really want to keep going down this road.

Speaker: I mean, I'm good. I'm good. I'm really okay. Last night a kid tried to make fun of my mom.

Speaker: Cameron's soon to be brother -in -law or whatever, so something about my mom. And Cameron was like, dude, his mom's dead. And I was like, that's funny somebody making fun of another guy's mom when his mom's a fucking crack whore and he lives with his aunt and uncle. And he was like, oh, that kind of hurt. And I was like, don't fucking play with me. I go for feelings. I wake up and I choose violence on a daily basis. When I know enough about this, I will go for your jugular just because. I'm hating on bacon.

Speaker: I'm angry. I'm angry at breakfast, motherfucker. I have declared war on the entire country of Canada. I have declared war on the entire special needs state of Texas. You think I'm afraid to hurt your feelings? And not to mention this. You can handle the truth. Speaking of, speaking of. I saw that. I saw that. And I'm sorry. You against eight kangaroos.

Speaker: It's not all at the same time. I'm just saying I can take it. I could, I could, I could fight kangaroos. Yeah. Oh, okay. He changed the word. Oh, you're like, I know I did kangaroos. I was like, really? But not all the same time. You quick change it. You quick change it to fight. It's all right. It's all right. Yeah. You heard it here folks.

Speaker: Michael's going to take on eight kangaroos at the same time. You're going to special edit that like Biden's speech. I don't have to special edit anything. You literally said the words. You're a special editor like Biden's speeches. I get it. How's the kangaroo pick, Michael? Look, I'm not the only one that breaks the rules.

Speaker: Well, you know what? All right, give me a chance to go. Yeah. That's a fine line. You can't go political. Ooh. I'm not allowed to go political. You're not. Because I go political for days. Oh, same here. Yeah, well, you guys can say that for me. We're not going to do that. That's a quick set. That's low -hanging fruit. That's low -hanging. Yes, you guys can do that.

Speaker: That's a softball. Come on, man. Knock that shit up. Come on, man. You guys could save that political talk with you when you special guest on the Kevin Hawley show. Thanks, Jess. I appreciate that. I'll see you.

Speaker: I got a good one for you. Oh, there's gonna there's gonna be a tip. So you know I am going to I am going to I am going to break that audio down

Speaker: And I'm going to go, look, distraction. And it's going to cut the mic going, I could take eight kangaroos at the same time. And now you just said it. Without anything before or after. All we got to do is edit that. Chris says, Chris says. Yeah, I said mic sense. You see, you got to be smarter. You got to be smarter. But I do have a nude. Speaking of kangaroos and speaking of fighting, we'll get to it here.

Speaker: Whenever we get to news, I don't want to start news and then get this phone call, but I might go ahead and go ahead and start it. Please. Can we get to the fucking news? For 45 minutes for everything that is holy.

Speaker: Can we stop talking about dicks and get to the news? No, she's saying yes. She wants the video for an hour. Yes, she wants a TikTok video of you saying those magic words that you said about kangaroos. Michael, look, look at you both. So scared to say that you take on all that shit. So dumb, Tina. So dumb. I will see you on battleship.

Speaker: That's how that blows. I brought up battlesick. I reckon Mike's going to take them kangaroos all night long. I reckon. No, fuck you, Glitch. Joey did it. Joe asked for it. It's a terrible sling blade impersonation, I understand. But Joe asked for it. That's my mom. I asked for it. The person is a synopsis thing. No, they're not. I try, though. She asked for it. That's my mom. So she asked for it. So she got a...

Speaker: Billy Bob Thornton from Slingbray. Blade. Terrible impersonation. Yeah. Alright. What about Ted Hughes? Oh, okay. Well, my feet could just die. Fuck that tinsel.

Speaker: so listen to this listen okay listen all right i gotta find my news stories that's the top 10 where's my news stories at it was kind of a uh slow week yeah yeah it's uh it's been it's been a bit of a slow week i do have a kangaroo story for you um but uh i did find a couple of stories in breaking news

Speaker: Michael said he wants to take eight kangaroos all at the same time. I'm gonna just find eight black dudes named Ma Kangaroo and send them your way. Why they gotta be black? Why can't they be any color? Because he's woke. Yeah, it's because I'm woke. Because you're so woke. I said eight white guys over and be like I'm sending them KKK.

Speaker: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Speaker: We're going to take a trip. I don't think we've been here very often or if we've ever been here. But McDonald's in China, they are testing out exercise bike seats at two locations because

Speaker: That's what fat ass fuckers want to do when they have their McDonald's is exercise. That's what that's exactly what I want to do. Every time I. Right. Every time I chomped down a big Mike Mack, I'm just like, you know, what would make a big Mike, huh? Like a bicycle seat. Every time every time you get down. Hey, hey, Mike. Big Mac.

Speaker: Oh, fuck, I'm biting that shit up. Sorry. Yes, McDonald's China confirmed the company is testing in -store exercise bikes after video taking inside one of the eateries went viral online.

Speaker: Footage recently emerged showing a woman sitting on a stationary bike while eating a hamburger at McDonald's. And the company confirmed that the bikes have been installed as seats at locations in Huangdong and Shanghai.

Speaker: I'm actually really good with Asian names and Asian places.

Speaker: but you wanna hear me butcher a name or butcher a place, make it Indian. Like 7 -11 Indian and I cannot do that. Oh God, I said that out loud.

Speaker: But I could not say in the... Where is Cancel Carl when you need him? Cancel Carl showed up one time and I chloroformed him and locked him in the cage in my basement. I have to ask you a question, sir. Smell this napkin for me. Does it smell?

Speaker: Leave me by when you wake you'll be in my basement Well, no not yet, so shut your fucking mouth fuck it's good yeah speaking the writer that sentence should be fired or has been fired I

Speaker: Right? I was specifying, all right? You have to know because there's, you know, we're in America. Don't judge me. Anyways, McDonald's China said the bike seats are part of the company's Upcycle for Good, an initiative which aims to promote sustainability. The company said that the exercise bikes generate electricity that customers can use to charge their cell phones and other devices.

Speaker: Yeah, other devices. Jesus Christ, Mike. Welcome to the show. Oh, Mike, don't even get me started on the fact that Chris had a box of dildos in his house. I think we've heard that story before. Yes, I have. Mr. Dildo expert over there, so this is my name. I mean, you can charge them nowadays.

Speaker: with the USB cord. It certainly beats buying AA batteries. I don't know. You would have to ask the ladies that are in the chat. I don't know how dildos work. I'm trying to find a kit. I think it was a TikTok. There's a kit you can buy where you can make a replica of your penis.

Speaker: I want one. Oh, yeah, you can. Yeah, you can. Yeah, I know about that. I know New Year's. There's going to be so much waste that I make a replica of your penis, Jeffrey. Well, that's why I didn't buy it. It's like six dollars. Just go get one of those little things up. Yeah. Just go get one of those little things to play to at Walmart. It's a little play. Yeah. It's a little place. Yeah. I'm not saying play. You know.

Speaker: Yeah, don't buy the whole kit, because we're going to have so much wasted product. Who can have a hard -on, maintain a hard -on for four hours while it hardens? And that's funny. Well, you don't leave it in there the whole fucking time. The plaster only takes like, yeah, you make the mold, and the plaster only takes like, it says it takes four hours to cure. Yeah, but you're not leaving your pecker in there. That's the silicone, though. That's the silicone. Yeah, you make the mold, it takes like five minutes.

Speaker: and it's like, have it still five minutes, dude. I'm 41. Yeah, they keep their heart off for five minutes? I'm gonna watch porn for five minutes. Usually, it's like 30 seconds. I'm good. I'm dying anomaly here. Now, this, it's a race, and I'm a winner. I'm a winner. You didn't hurt this whole time. So, what's going on, man? And no one noticed. And no one noticed. That's the bad part. No one noticed. That's because you could only see me from the beard up. I do that on purpose.

Speaker: Because I don't wear pants. I'm porky piggin right now. Yeah, wait till I go fry chicken and you can see my ass. Like one of the 90s action movies where the action hero gets up and all you get to see is his ass. That's me. I'm Mel Gibson, basically a lethal weapon. You're Mel Gibson and Kevin Costner? Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, Van Damme and any Van Damme movie where he bangs like four chicks at the same time. I really don't. This is for no reason. I was never really a fan of Van Damme. I'll punch you in the face. Can I finish the goddamn movie starter? One that Universal Soldier, that was about it for me. I like Universal Soldier. When he did, when he did, when he was like the villain. Can I finish this? Oh, sorry. Can I finish this? Sorry.

Speaker: This is an ADHD train that is off the fucking rails. Somebody has to get control. Somebody has to get control. It might as well. Go ahead, Glenn. Somebody has to lead this man to idiots, as Jeff said. The one -eyed man and a kingdom of blind people is king. You can't even say the same. He says that in every fucking episode and you still don't know it.

Speaker: Anyways, McDonald's in China, they're putting exercise bikes in their restaurants. It generates electricity, and it also promotes customers to stay healthy while eating fast food. Come in and eat seven big macs, but it's okay as long as you get on our exercise bikes. You fat fuck. Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean... That's just... I don't see the point.

Speaker: Do you think I listen to him in every single episode?

Speaker: I don't understand how they can even afford McDonald's because like they're so poor we have the news, please Must be at the Hong Kong area. They must be near Hong Kong China is not one of the richest countries on the planet They were I thought they were charging us borrows money from all the time Yes, yes, Joanne. Yes, I did

Speaker: But, I was also drinking a lot, and I'm actually considering getting back on that weight loss plan. It worked out phenomenally. The only bad part is, is I look sick. Depression? Back, back, back, no, no, no, back, well, yeah, well, back when I was, back when I was like 20, 22, 23, uh, 21, something like that, I, um,

Speaker: I was drinking 24 -7, and the only thing I ate was McDonald's like once or twice a day. And I lost like 75 pounds. But I looked sick. I don't think McDonald's had anything to do with it. Because nowadays at 41, if I look at McDonald's, I'm like, fuck, there's five pounds. I can't even drive by. I drive by Burger King or whatever. I gain five pounds. But I think the key word of that sentence, Glit, was when I was 20. Yes.

Speaker: I agree. Well, you know what? I think that's where we went. In your 20s, you can literally eat whatever you want, not gain enough. I mean, when I was 20, I just looked at my stomach and I said, ooh, it's five pounds. And it was gone. You know? You know, I lost my heart, but that's usually.

Speaker: That's what happens to me. I look at myself and I lose my heart on it. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Ugly fucker. Fuck, not again. All the mirrors in the house are gone. We're not allowed to look at the mirrors. I literally took out, I just threw away two mirrors because every time I have a mirror, I don't know what it is, but my kids end up breaking them. Thank God they're cheap. Well, it's that seven years battle update. Yours are your kids.

Speaker: Yes, you're right, Joe. Now Chris is MIA. He didn't even say fried chicken, but I'm assuming that's what he did. I took my hoodie off. I took my hoodie off. I was sweating my ass off. Oh, I forgot. I'm clearly the coldest one in this room because it's 50 degrees here, 180 degrees here, and it's like five degrees here.

Speaker: I'm like three inches. Just because I was off screen, I was not MIA. I was still talking. Anyways, Bob, load up the plane, leave these two idiots in China. We're kind of getting through news and I can't, I can't, I can't.

Speaker: Just leave them here. We're coming back to the stage. Take us with you. Take us with you. You are our leader. You see that joke? You see that joke? I see it. You see that joke? You see that? I choose to ignore it. Merry Christmas. That was your Christmas present. You could have got that Saturday, but no, somebody wasn't here. Anyways, let's go to California.

Speaker: The three of us, let's go to California. We're probably going to get kicked out and going. So we're going to stay, we're just going to, we're just going to, we're going to, we're going to stay in the plane. We're not going to actually land. We're just going to kind of hover. This is why we have a helicopter. We can hover over California. Yeah, hover.

Speaker: Our plane has hovering capabilities. And then he's like, bring it back! We have the world's biggest Harrier jet. Dude, you do not... I got our spaceship from our good buddy Elon Musk. Our plane came from a very good friend of mine. Yeah, Tony Stark. He hooked us up with a sweet Quinn jet or whatever you want to call it, the Avengers jet.

Speaker: Um, so yeah, and then the school bus I beat up this red -headed teacher and and stole her magic short bus And then I I hate her iguana. I love that bus if you don't get that if you don't get that reference And if you don't get that reference get the fuck out of this show, you don't know the magic school bus get the fuck out

Speaker: Anyway, it's like Well, anyways, we're gonna hover over, California where We're gonna go hang out with chips again. If you don't understand or know what chips are Get the fuck out because you're too young to be here The California Highway Patrol

Speaker: officer was chased and it was caught on his dash damn and Actually Jeffrey and Michael. Oh, I get two people I can put the blame on now if you guys don't remind me to do shit Remind me to screen record Can I share it to myself

Speaker: Jeff, I'm going to send you something. Send it back. If you can't share it with yourself, who can you share it with? Your mom.

Speaker: Okay, send it back to me. I'll screen record the video. But there's an officer who was chased by a loose cow. Oh, that reminds me. Hey, Chris. Before you go. Before you go. Before you go. No, no. After the show. Don't forget to subscribe for it. After the show. Tomorrow or Friday. And quit sending dick pits to each other while we're fucking doing the show. That's not a video. That's a dick pit. That shit can wait till after the show. Are you jealous?

Speaker: Jeff, send him a dick pic. No. Speaking of dick pics real quick before I get into this story. I don't want to see us not writing angled dick.

Speaker: If you follow KTKM Productions on Snapchat, feel free to send Jeff all your dick pics. He won't admit it, but he wants the dick pics. He loves getting dick pics. It's his favorite part of the day. So again, follow KTKM Productions on Snapchat and all the unsolicited dick pics you can send, send them to him. Anyways, an officer was chased by a loose cow on a rural California highway and it was caught by his dash cam.

Speaker: California Highway Patrol officers dash camera dashboard camera captured a moment when a loose cow He was attempting to wrangle Turned and attempted to throw him in the air this motherfucker's watch one too many episodes of Yellowstone thinking he could just write a cow with no training Bruce

Speaker: Wow, Bruce, congratulations on your fucking name with 73 letters and one vowel, but Bruce, a spokesperson for the CHP office in Susanville said officer Brandon Pratt was attempting to. I don't know how or why.

Speaker: He was attempting to convince the loose cow. Like, how do you attempt to? Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey. Come on now. Calm down, buddy. It's all good. Calm down there. Who's a good heifer? Come down there. Who's a good heifer? Come on. You know, there's some alfalfa smells. Don't do it, man. Don't do it. You've got a really long life to live. You've got a family at home. Come on, buddy. Come on down off the ledge. Come on. We're friends here, right?

Speaker: Hey buddy, what's your name? I'm Brandon. We're friends, right? Yeah, right Joe thinks pops fell asleep at his truck speaking of it is right but uh Lord calm down people

Speaker: Uh, Brandon Pratt was attempting to convince the loose cow to leave the rural highway when the 2000 pound animal turned to face him. Bruce told the Los Angeles times, uh, that the, the, the couch took offense. Apparently the cows snowflake and got offended. It's a California cow. Do you expect anything better? They get offended at eggs.

Speaker: Cause there's no how to identify as a cactus. I am not a cow. How dare you, sir. You have offended me. The cow took offense to Pratt's effort and attempted to throw him into the air, but only managed to land a glancing blow on the officer's right shoulder. CPH, CHP shared Pratt's dashboard camera footage of the encounter on Facebook.

Speaker: This meat locomotive decided it had enough being told what to do. The post said, unfortunately for officer Pratt, he escaped relatively unscathed. Bruce said Pratt's protective vest likely saved the officer from incurring any serious injury from the cow's charges. Not only are they bulletproof, but they're cow proof. Ladies and gentlemen. I'll tell you what, as having ridden the bull, I don't know. Brown cow.

Speaker: Never again. I see a calendar and I'm going the other fucking direction. How did you count the hit? Three top. No, he was bottom. I had friends with Chris. Chris, we don't need to go into the store that took me to a rodeo and made me. They made you write it. Oh, you didn't want to. But you didn't want to write it. But they made you picture this. I'm wearing 30. I don't want to bail 36 inch bells. Jinko jeans.

Speaker: and a t -shirt and these assholes signed me up to ride a fucking bull. I don't know what jingo jeans are. I buy jingo jeans from the 90s. I buy them all. Just tell them what it really was. You were trying to manually ejaculate a cow. Back in the day.

Speaker: And I said, I'm a rotten man. It says, it says most, most times woke Jeff, ladies and gentlemen, woke Jeff. Now we're, now we're, now we're body shaming people. So add body shaming to the long list of offenses that Jeff has spoken on this show.

Speaker: When we do the introductions that is your new name Jeffrey woke Jeff woke Jeff He's woke And he will tell you how woke he is

Speaker: He's been awake since 4 a .m. He's woke. He's just... I'm gonna make a special request. I'm gonna... Starting Saturday when we do the news, both of you have to turn your mics off and you have to raise your hands in order to copy it.

Speaker: Anyways, I wrap this story up. Most times the cows behave and go back through the fence, but every once in a while you get one that has an attitude. Bruce said shit. Every once in a while. There are so many feel -good stories in the nude.

Speaker: That cow was not your average cow. It was four times the size of adorable cow. He had fangs that were 14 inches long and his hooves were like claws. He was a demon. Brandon, we have dashboard camera and it was a 80 pound calf.

Speaker: and carried it. No, I do. I am going to get the video and I will post it on Facebook. Don't let me forget to do that tomorrow or Friday, guys. By the way, post that video on Facebook. See? I said specifically tomorrow or Friday. Yeah. The only reason Chris says that is because I will literally remind him just like you did. Because that's how I cut my ass. I'm the new guy. I can't get in trouble for, I can't get in trouble for 90 days.

Speaker: Bob I'm only doing this story so where we go these assholes in space and Jeff can make love to again because apparently the Matt Damon movie is Muriel and Matt Damon lives at Mars or whatever the fuck it was I

Speaker: That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad. That movie wasn't bad.

Speaker: Oh, OK. So fire up the space shuttle, Bob. Let's go to space. I already teased it. These two are excited. We'll leave them there. I always wanted to go to space camp. Now you get to live in space. I hope you're happy. Venus could have alien life forms in the clouds. I know Jeff loves a good conspiracy. And I know he loves him some aliens. Yes, but does it say anything about Uranus? Ooh. Oh. Why are you worried about his anus?

Speaker: Because we're in space. Really? I didn't know that Kevin Hawley was the co -host of this show. Wow. Wow. Kevin and I had a really good conversation yesterday, too. We were talking back and forth. And then you do that and you make me realize, I love that guy. Anyways, Venus could have alien life forms in the cloud, scientists have suggested.

Speaker: Experts from the Cardiff University, MIT, and Cambridge University have claimed that the planet could have the colorless, words are hard, colorless gas ammonia in the clouds. Tests show that life could be able to survive on the planet despite the level of acidity. The study's co -author, Dr. William Baines,

Speaker: I was born in the darkness. You merely adopted it. That was terrible, but, you know, you get it. Wow! Once again, oppressions... Impressions are not Chris' strong sense. Oppression... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression is... Oppression

Speaker: Thank you for telling everybody that oppression is not my strong point. I don't oppress people unlike the other two assholes on this broadcast. He said it. You heard it. It's true. I was just trying to be woke. I'm just trying to figure out, after this little run around the house, why it's my fault we can't get through the news. Because you guys just won't stop. Yeah. Yeah, shut up. Go back to the news. Because I'm the host and it's never my fault. Welcome to Nonsense of a Nonsense.

Speaker: It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure to meet you. I host this show. I do everything. So therefore, all blame gets cast upon YouTube.

Speaker: Yeah, well, he's not all on me anymore. Yeah, just like, yeah, he's got it. I could have brought on just to take all the brought on. Right, Betty? I'm trying. I'm trying. We can't. We lost control. I'm really trying. Mission control, Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. We're going down. You were captured by it. I promise you, Saturday, we'll be able to get through the news and the top 10 and all that jazz without any trying.

Speaker: issues because at this rate our podcast is going to turn into a four hour event instead of three just so we can get through. Right? We almost wouldn't be the first Saturday. Well, yeah, Saturdays usually do go really long and then we have an after show and then I get banned on TikTok and again. I got banned Saturday night again, Jeff. Let me finish this story and I'll tell you about it.

Speaker: Yeah, please, please. Uh, this will be the, this will be the last story in news. I'm going to save the other two for Saturday night, but I do have a kangaroo story. This is going to be a four day teaser for you guys about the kangaroo. But, uh, the studies co -author Dr. William Baines from the Cardiff university school of physics and astronomy said, we know that life can grow in acid environments on earth, but nothing as acid as the clouds of Venus were believed to be.

Speaker: But if something is making ammonia in the clouds, then that will neutralize some of the droplets, making them potentially more habitable. The scientists believe that the ammonia on Venus has biological origins rather than

Speaker: from natural forces. Professor Sarah Seeger said ammonia shouldn't be on Venus. It has a hydrogen attached to it, and there's very little hydrogen around it. Any gas that doesn't belong in the context of its environment is automatically suspicious for being made by life. Basically, they're saying that these aliens are making money. Much like cats have ammonia in their urine. Yeah, they're pissing everywhere.

Speaker: All right, because I can't I can't talk about this and not bring it up I can't I can't talk about this and not bring it up. So I am gonna do the kangaroo story right now

Speaker: For anybody who's due to the podcast for anybody who's new to the podcast already Big Daddy was

Speaker: Yeah, Big Daddy, reach around for you guys. Big Daddy was one of our favorite movies in our building trades class in high school. And we would randomly, the Battle of the Beards. I win, obviously, James. We would randomly quote lines. Out of nowhere. Much like walking through the wall and just going, physics! Yeah. Tree! Tree!

Speaker: Yeah, we would just, like I said, it happened more times than I could count and every time we would laugh our asses off because in our building trades class, our locker room was right in front of the class. So when we would come out after we changed into our uniforms and stuff, you were basically right in front of the block rooms and stuff like that.

Speaker: And it never failed. On a regular basis, somebody would be in there going and just randomly yell, I can wipe my own ass. Fish, pony, hip, hip -hop, hip -hop anonymous. Damn you, you give him the easy ones. But anyways.

Speaker: Yeah, Michael, if you've never seen Big Daddy, you need to watch Big Daddy. Yes, also in the prerequisites. Before the end of your 90 -day. So you got two movies before the end of your 90 -day probationary. Here's a... You gotta watch Really's Wonderland and Big Daddy. Yeah, I'm watching Big Daddy. Yeah, so then you know what we're talking about. Why are you looking dumbfounded?

Speaker: You look shocked. Yeah, I've never looked at these assholes. I don't even know what they speak of. Peasants. I look down upon them from my throne of greatness. I don't look down. What can I say? What? Yeah, well, I always have a baseball. Oh, okay, never mind. James said I thought you'd seen it.

Speaker: Thought he'd see me in a restaurant today, but I didn't have my typical look with my beard and baseball cap. Well, sometimes I go incognito, man. I'm a very famous individual, and I can't have people seeing me and knowing it's me. I'm a celebrity. It's tough to get out of class. It's tough to get out of class. It's tough to get out of class. It's tough for me to get out of class. Every time we're in a car and another car honks, my kids are like, what are they broken up? I'm like, it's me. I'm famous.

Speaker: famous. They're saying hi. Yeah. So a man strangles a kangaroo to death after his wife is attacked on their neighbor's property in Tennessee. Nice. How did a kangaroo? Somebody had a pet kangaroo. Well, somebody had a pet kangaroo. Let me fucking tell the story, Jeffrey. We've been through this before. God, don't ask questions until I get done. Oh, please. Like I'm the only one that was like, why did a fucking kangaroo end up in Tennessee?

Speaker: I'm sure everybody was. No, I was just amazed that the guy must have really loved his wife. I don't know. I mean, I've only been married once, but I would have just got my phone out and recorded the kangaroo attack. Wait, could you do that again? I would have left. I'm only kidding. I would have saved her then and I would have saved her now if a kangaroo attacks her, mainly because I want to fight a kangaroo.

Speaker: but that's neither here nor there. There's not a time limit on that. I'm still talking. You can answer it. White House, Tennessee, a resident in Sumner County, Tennessee says she was attacked by her neighbors. Okay. Just put that right across the story that I'm reading. Fantastic. Actually, yeah, you do it. Um,

Speaker: She said she was attacked by her neighbor's kangaroo leading to her husband killing the animal The incident unfolded Wednesday evening around 5 p .m Authorities responded to the area for reports of two people who had been in a battle with a bail with a male kangaroo According to Sumner County Sheriff's Tim Bailey Reportedly neighbors spotted the kangaroo outside of its normal area All those still within its owners property at the time the neighbors called the owners to see if there was any way to get the animal

Speaker: back into its usual confinement. And the owners, Hope and Chris Leah, were not home but told the neighbors where they could find the kangaroo's feed to lure him back into the area. They also said that they could be home within an hour to take care of the situation. The neighbor went over onto the fence in property where the female neighbor was assaulted by the kangaroo. And here's where it takes a twist.

Speaker: The husband then stepped in and strangled the kangaroo. Neither of the neighbors were seriously hurt. That escalated quickly. But the kangaroo died. The owners of the kangaroos said they are heartbroken over the death of their beloved Carter. The Lees said they returned home to find Carter dead with their younger kangaroos around his life. They have multiple kangaroos, ladies and gentlemen, in fucking Tennessee. Guess who's going to Tennessee to fight kangaroos? I was going to say.

Speaker: Bob, fire out that bus. Fire, we're going to Tennessee. So the younger kangaroos were standing around his lifeless body, plotting their revenge. I was screaming because all the babies were, I was screaming because all the babies were standing around his dead body. And I was just so upset, hope said.

Speaker: While the kangaroo was outside of his normal area, the Lees said their property is entirely fenced in. He didn't have nowhere to go, Hope said. He was choked to death in his own space. You know what that means? KLM. KLM. Kangaroo lives matter. We're marching. We're rioting. We're burning shit to the ground. We're going to all wear hoodwars. Didn't there are a lot of selfies of this guy?

Speaker: We're going to go over the dead. Kangaroo going. Yeah. What I do with the wrong neighbor. I love my wife. I love her. You got an easy way out because if he was here, you could just beat the shit out of you.

Speaker: Yeah. Go to sleep. Good night night. Family's never heard of a dog cat or horse or anything. They're like, no, I was going to have a fucking hurricane. You have to question a lot of the judgments made down there. Yeah. Oh, I mean, it's what is it? What is it? What is a gag? What is a gaggle of kangaroos? What is a group of kangaroos called? Want to be heard? I don't know.

Speaker: Is it a gaggle because you just said it? What is a group of kangaroos called? I don't know. That's a key. Oh, it's a mob. Oh yeah. You got your ass whoop because you're a fucking mob. Yeah. You could deserve what you got mobbing around, acting like you run everything, offering people favors and shaking people down. You got what you deserved fucking kangaroo. The, uh, now the leaves are looking for some kind of restitution.

Speaker: over Carter's debt. We had Carter since he was a little snug. Hope said it's like losing. I don't know, I nugget. No, they're called. It's like losing a family member. Who the fuck keeps kangaroos as fucking family members? Again, that is just not your normal. Did Bob make it back? Yeah, Bob made it back from space. And somehow these two dickheads stowed away on the spaceship and they came back with.

Speaker: I even jumped out of the space shuttle earlier and Bob crash landed it into Tennessee and they still survived. We're like cockroaches. You can't kill us. You definitely like cocks, that is for sure. Walked into that one.

Speaker: Womp womp womp womp. That just happened. Is it break time already? Shit. I thought you break already. I'm tired of this bullshit. Remember, Glick, you wanted to use a cover, this one.

Speaker: Oh, good one. Good, good, good. So, so yes, if some random ass dude in Tennessee could strangle a kangaroo to death, I still feel like my argument cost. I don't know. Let's Google it.

Speaker: I kind of want to know how big this guy is because kangaroos are not small animals. How much does a kangaroo cost? Have you seen that TikTok video of that kangaroo? There's a summary from Petful. Males kangaroos usually cost around $2 ,000 and females go for $3 ,000. So for two grand you can get a male kangaroo and for three grand you can get a female. Basically the same price as a target. Ooh. Animal Fight Club. Nice. The first rule of Animal Fight Club is

Speaker: We don't tell anybody about Animal Fight Club. It's illegal. And we will go to jail. Trust me, there's a lot worse things we've said and done on this podcast that we're going to jail for. We do not want to be Bob's cellmate. He gets a little touchy at night. Bob says, hey, bye.

Speaker: Bob says, hey, Jeff, you know, you can get down on a 90 degree one. How can you get down on this 180 degree dick? Go over here and get me on the hot lips. There is a picture, believe it or not, Joe. Oh, Joanne had a good, yeah, she said you should know all about the cock fights down in Mexico and donkey shows. You know what's crazy is I trained for six months for cock fights to find out how to deal with my dick.

Speaker: Yeah, I know. Six months out, down the drain. Right down the fucking drain. Well, I can do pushes with my dick. Sorry, I had to use that TikTok train somewhere. I did use that TikTok train. I thought about it. I did use that audio. The problem I had with using the same audio. I even took some underwear and wrapped it around my head, made it look like Rambo. I did the whole thing.

Speaker: Well, I didn't know it was a train I just saw it when I was like, oh that's awesome That I just like that video that you I Lost I laugh so hard

Speaker: Oh, that was bad. This take the tires away. Did you see the Jesus one? Huh? Did you see the Jesus one? Guy dresses. Jesus comes in. What happens? I'm breaking your house and it's, it's stitched with a guy with a nail gun. He goes, it's going to be a lot quicker this time. I was like, Oh, what's been falling for that one for I have sinned that that should have been funny, but it was.

Speaker: Tina's laughing. You're, you're, you're in trouble too. We're both praying at the end of this show. Vote of us. That was my part. Also known as the derp show.

Speaker: You fucking walked off - You had to carry your ass. You had to walk off screen. Somebody had to carry your ass. That's because I was contemplating eating a fucking bullet because you're the - 300 pounds. You are not a likesumabitch.

Speaker: I know, I was contemplating eating a goddamn bullet because Jeff's over there going, I trained for six months to do cock fighting and then I realized it had nothing to do with my cock, but I could do cock pushups. And I'm like, this is the point. This is the episode where I kill myself. I off myself in the background. All you hear is you walk off and pow.

Speaker: And then you're encouraging. My brown flag is covered in my blood that's on your hands because you two are jackasses. My hands are clean. And then me and Jeff are going to like talk for another 45 minutes when our fucking commercial break is before we realize that something has happened to you. Like, damn.

Speaker: we're all we're gonna be here like click where is our gosh darn commercial you're dead yeah again that is the great thing you wait your own form napkin okay that is a great thing about not to be too dark or anything but living alone if something ever happens to me it's going to be at least a week before anybody finds my ass especially now

Speaker: No, the neighbors are gonna go finally that loud motherfucker is quiet. I have no animals. I'm just gonna be I'm just gonna be bloated and Smelling it's a normal day. Never mind You don't shower you know that bullshit that's how you fight over you just don't shower

Speaker: I fight COVID because I'm vaccinated. I'm like some people. But as we all do, my, my, my buddy and his, my buddy and his fiance, uh, they had COVID a few weeks ago. They have it again. My other buddy who lives down in Austin, he had to get vaccinated for his job because he works for the government. He's got COVID. Yeah.

Speaker: Summer had COVID. She got vaccinated and got COVID. The vaccination is, I think it's all reason I got it. I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm protected by it. Yeah. I don't, I don't understand, you know, yeah, Nick, Nick is my rooster. Him and his wife, him and his wife there. I don't know that they're vaccinated. I don't want to say that they are, they aren't. I don't know. Uh, but they had it a couple of weeks ago and then they just got it again.

Speaker: I mean, I was thinking of a man who likes to red our hands with your vaccination card right here. That way, we know where you are. Whoa, calm down, Nazi. Calm down, Hitler. Well, that's what, that's what, that's the next step. Might as well just walk around like that. They have a chip, and you can snap your chip on your phone. Yeah. Yeah. Is that why you're always numb for four days? Yeah. Jeff.

Speaker: Jeff shaved his beard when he got COVID because his doctor told him that his beard had COVID. Yeah, Tina just said they had four people at work get it and they were all vaccinated. They had to all get vaccinated because if you didn't, they would fire your ass. Anyways. Yes. Let's not go down this road. Holy moly.

Speaker: We're waiting for a fucking commercial. So we're - Ding, ding, ding. We're carrying the damn show. We're 12 minutes. Okay, first of all - 12 minutes of Taboo. I super young, I almost bought Taboo. So I hit the buzzer. Buy me a Taboo. This is what the show's turned into.

Speaker: We're taking a We're taking a break. Shut up. Turn your mic off turn your camera off. We're going to break. Enjoy some blacked out mojo. There's a cover

Speaker: Blacktop Mojo, if you're not already, go give them a follow, go give them a listen, tell them nonsensical nonsense sent you right, Tina? If you want to, I mean, shit. We'll be right back.

Speaker: Because Mike apparently calls these commercials. We don't have commercials. Nobody pays us to take breaks. We just take breaks. So now I have one idiot to have to collect themselves. I'm thinking ahead. I'm thinking ahead. Now I have two idiots. Believe it or not. And I have two idiots that need to collect themselves. One day somebody is going to pay us to go on the commercials. I'm telling you, it will happen. I have a vision. Yeah. Wow. OK. We'll just be, uh, yeah.

Speaker: Please. We're still waiting. We can't have dead air. That's why we keep talking dead air. It's like, that's like rule number one in radio. No dead air. There are people that can really, you know, so apparently you've never met Jeff. He is the king of that air. Let me, let me tell you about Spotify. Spotify is amazing. Listen to this show. Or I say, yeah, I'm going to go fry chicken and Jeff does this.

Speaker: We can hear you pissing. Fucking talk! Speaking of the show, when you go on, when you ask the Alexa to play Nonsense on Nonsense, it is not on Amazon Music.

Speaker: So we need to fix that. We are missing one. Somebody needs to get on that. That does not do with us. Anchor does all that stuff. But my wife won an Echo Dot for Christmas in a raffle. And the first thing I did after hooking it up was like, Alexa.

Speaker: I played nonsensical nonsense. And it didn't work. And I was seriously disappointed. Well, I could do it now because I connected my Spotify to it. Oh, OK. I know Glick asked Google to play nonsensical nonsense. And it gave the definition for a nonsensical nonsense. Great. It was great. Glick got told by Google. Right?

Speaker: But yes, Spotify is my, uh... What?! See? Nonsenseical Nonsense Podcast. Oh. Well, whose voice is that?

Speaker: So I just did what I just did nonsensical nonsense podcast and it pulled up on Apple It pulled us up on Twitter. It pulled us up on Facebook it some

Speaker: I don't think that's about us, but I'm going to take credit for it. Arizona State University did an article about a podcast that makes sense of this nonsensical time.

Speaker: who else could have done that but us yeah exactly and they should we do come up we do come up in a Google search yeah yeah that was who did it that son of a bitch Bob you are supposed to do interviews get back to yourself Bubba's waiting for you you're supposed to be in jail anyways we're taking we're taking a goddamn break enjoy a little blacktop mojo it is a cover it's one of my favorite one of my

Speaker: One of my favorite covers that they did. I love this song. I love this band. I am ready. And I love the woman who originally sings this song. And if you've ever seen American Horror Story season three, Coven, you know who she is. Or if you are old like me, you know who she is. So I love this song. I love this cover. I love this band. So go follow them. Go check them out. Go stream them. Go tell them we sent you at blacked out mojo.

Speaker: and enjoy a little bit of this. This will get us muted.

Speaker: Now here you go again You say you want your freedom Oh, who am I to bring you down? It's only right that you should play it the way you feel it But listen carefully to the sound

Speaker: Loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad Oh stillness of remembering what you had And what you lost Yeah, what you had And what you lost

Speaker: When it's raining And players, they only love you when they're playing

Speaker: Oh, again I see the crystal vision But I keep my visions to myself But it's only me who wants to wrap around your dream But have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

Speaker: I'm too mad on the stillness of remembering what you have and what you love You know what you have and what you love

Speaker: And players, they only love you when they're playing I say hey women, yeah they will come and they will go Well the rain was so too clean, you know

Speaker: And players, they only love you when they're playing. Now, say, hey, women, your day will come and they will go. When the rain washes you clean, you know.

Speaker: Yeah Little blacked out mojo doing the cover of Fleetwood Mac's dreams. I will honestly have to say My fondness for Fleetwood Mac comes from my parents and Stevie Nicks

Speaker: You talk about a combination of talent and even to this day, Stevie Nicks is still incredibly beautiful. Agreed. And she can sing. So, and I love Fleetwood Mac music. Like I said, it's more on my parents. I believe, and I could be wrong, and I'm gonna kick myself in the dick if I'm wrong, but I think Joe was a big Fleetwood Mac fan. So,

Speaker: We listen to a lot. Pops like Johnny, he's borderline gay, but that's neither here nor there. But I felt like the guys, and there was, it was Blacktop Mojo with, I don't wanna not give credit where credit is due. Alex Smith was the other singer on that song with Matt. That covered that. So.

Speaker: Anyways, welcome back to the show guys. Yes, I do Stevie's another one of my crushes much like Reba I like women that can sing man. I have a weird fixation with them There's always something about a chick that can sing

Speaker: Like I love Amy Lee from Evanescence yeah, and and Izzy Hale from hailstorm Mike you have no sound you have no sound Mike Yeah

Speaker: Shit, all right. I've been talking to you. Damn. Hey You just pulled a camera camera does that camera does that when we're playing Call of Duty? He'll view this mic and then it'll come back like 20 minutes later He's like, bro. I've just been talking to myself and I'm like watch. He's like I needed You fucking moron, but anyways Welcome back to nonsensical nonsense guys. I'm Glick the big dog himself

Speaker: Big dog. Michael. No, the big dog. I changed my name. No more forgot your name. No, no, I'm not famous. Honestly, what happened is I forgot what Jeff's new nickname was, so I was trying to remember that. Anyways, I'm Glick. That's the big dog, Mike. And then we've got Woke Jeff. Woke Jeffery. And the Hezy. The Woke Jeffery.

Speaker: In the history of what this is Jeff. During the break, he was making his KLM's signs. He turned his, he found all the hoodies he could find. He's preparing to march on the streets of Mexico City, the third largest city in the world. And for kangaroo lives all over because kangaroo lives, they matter, sir. And I appreciate you and your wokeness. Actually, I have a shout out. Don't say.

Speaker: You have what? Oh, to Blaine Smith. He just got me multiple bonuses. Shout out to, what did Joanne send me? What did Jo send me? Let's go into the magical picture box. Oh, there she is. Hello, Stevie. Ah, Stevie Nicks. Stevie Nicks, ladies and gentlemen. Could've been worse. Could've been worse.

Speaker: I'm down with that. At this point in time, I'm down with that. Whatever. Excuse me why I go do it. Jeffrey, excuse me. Excuse me. Why I do while I go do cardio and lay in the hallway, Jeffrey. For those who don't forget, mute your camera. There's Stevie. So beautiful. Yeah. She's gorgeous. So Stevie Nicks is gorgeous. Um,

Speaker: I loved her, I loved her in American Horror Story and as the White Witch. I still have, it's on the list of things to watch. Spoiler alert, Steven Gates is the White Witch and Coven. Oh my God, dude. American Horror Story is probably one of the best shows out today with the exception of this last season. It's a little weird, but up until this last season, so good. No, it wasn't woke at all. They just tried to do this weird double feature with vampires and aliens.

Speaker: So like the first half is vampires and then the second half is aliens. So it's good. I just, much like the second season asylum, asylum was good, but then they did too much with it. They went too far. They should have just kept it. They're trying to push the limits and they should have just caught it. No, it's not pushing the limits or anything. They just were, they were trying to cram too much into a season.

Speaker: Okay, they should have just left it alone with the asylum storyline, but then you had like aliens and other stuff and but Coven and hotel simple stupid

Speaker: yep exactly coven and hotel are probably two of the favorite or two of my favorite seasons on a bonus note for hotel if you think that lady gaga is strangely sexy like i do i do too right she's naked in most of that season she is naked oh no i'm definitely watching because my wife thinks i'm retarded because i think

Speaker: She's got it, she's got it. And the great thing about it is you don't have to watch the seasons in order. You can just pick and choose seasons. But she's got a, and this goes back to what I said when we came back from break. She's got an attractiveness to her. I don't know what it is, but she can sing. I like her in A Star is Born. I thought she was, I have no idea what A Star is Born.

Speaker: I have not seen a star in porn because I've seen it. That is a really good movie. I've seen the original and I've seen the Mad Niddler version, so I already know the movie. But I will give What's His Nuts, the guy who's in that movie, I will give him credit because that's really him singing in that movie. Yeah, that's really him singing. He actually had to take vocal courses to drop his voice down two notches, and he also directed the film.

Speaker: He didn't just act and he directed it. So I love that soundtrack. Gaga was amazing in Hotel. But it was a good movie and really good soundtrack. Me and Tina have had this conversation because she's kind of like with Glick where she doesn't want to watch the new one because she's already seen the other two. And I'm like, dude. It's not that I don't want to watch it.

Speaker: I just haven't gotten to it yet. You know what I mean? Like I want to watch it, but here's the thing. I really don't think currently right now, this time frame, I should watch that movie. Because as Jeff and I have stated on this episode many times, we are not ashamed that we cry and that movies make us cry.

Speaker: I will call my house. That movie will make me cry. That's the last thing I need right now. I cried at least twice in that movie. At least twice. And the bad part is it's every time I watch that movie. And I know it's coming. And it's that good. Yeah. Actually, if you want something to kind of kill a little time in the background, I've been watching. I started a new show. I don't know if I like it or not. Have you seen Schitt's Creek?

Speaker: Yes. You know what? Every person, every person that's talked about Schitt's Creek, they all have the same thing. It's like, it's kind of funny, but I don't know about like it or not. They all say the same thing. And you know what it is? The mom I'm okay with, Eugene Levy I'm okay with, the daughter I'm okay with. I love, I love that dude. See the thing, he has a son you kind of want to in like the first season, but then in the second season, you're kind of like,

Speaker: You know what? I kind of like the guy. But then you still want to smack him a little bit. And then the third season, you're like, yeah. And is it me? Is it just me, or is the hotel clerk hot? All. That the son slept with. Well, I'm not as woke as you are, Jeff, so I don't know. I think so. The daughter, the daughter's an oddly. And Jeff. I don't think the daughter's hot at all.

Speaker: Great legs. Hey, who's a lad? I don't want to be that guy, but I'm going to be that guy because you do this all the time. It's not Eugene Levy. It's Dan Levy. It's Eugene's son. Oh, is that? Yeah, that's his son. That's the plane. That's his son. And that dude kills me like for real.

Speaker: Yeah, that dude kills me his son his son while Eugene love he kills me too, but his son. I love that I love that like his personality. He's got the highest comedy and it's so fucking well He's overly flamboyant. Yes, I love that. It's like that States there's there's a whole scene after he slept with the hotel clerk that they're talking about wine, but they're actually talking about sex and

Speaker: And she's like, she's old, she only normally drinks red wine. I think she's saying she's a lesbian. And he's like, I like who I sort of say, and he goes on to, he'll try anything once. I think, I think, I think he might have been really too much into that. And I'm fine with that. I don't know. Because they kind of have like a little love triangle with him and a guy. No shit.

Speaker: that's that's awesome betty yeah that's what yeah have you seen the new have you seen the new american pie movie the reunion well anyways anyways yeah that movie is one of the shit in ug time out youtube jesus christ good lord almighty he loves you he loves you so much this is this is this is this this is bad that i have to be

Speaker: I, I have to take control, but I gotta take control. We can't, we can't do... I just want to do to you guys every time you get out of control. I'm sorry, every time you play that song, I'll fucking dance. Stop! I'll dance, I'll go therapy dance. Where's a, where's a chain with a bucket of water over your head when you need it?

Speaker: As long as it stops you guys from talking, I don't care if you dance or do whatever you want. I was trying to welcome everybody back. Keep playing that song, big boy. Keep playing that song. You'll get some dancing. My shirt might come off.

Speaker: I have buttons for days. You guys have no idea how happy I am with this new app I downloaded.

Speaker: Funny thing is, you and me go live. I take all my clothes off, and we don't get banned. We do another live on Saturday. We keep all our clothes on banned. Yeah, we actually got serious, right? Yeah, it got really fucking emotional in that live. Betty's clothes stays on. You don't make the rules. I actually like that. I'm going to use this when I need you guys to be quiet. This isn't your show.

Speaker: Yes, ma 'am. Mama Glitz said, put it back on. They're on. I'm okay. I'm okay. Yes, ma 'am. Sorry. Bet he don't make the rules, though. It's not her show. Let me do what we want. Oh, here you go. Here you go, ma 'am. Anyways, but like I said, you can watch nonsensical nonsense.

Speaker: Woke Jeff with the nipples already. Stay down Jeff. You make everything disgusting. Put the salamis back up.

Speaker: That was it. Fatality. Oh, wait a minute. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to Nonsense for Nonsense. I'm going to have to figure out and ring these two in. I don't know how I'm going to do it because I'm just as bad as they are. We won't stop and we can't stop.

Speaker: But welcome back. If you're not already, check us out on social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok. All at Nonsense. Basically, you can find us everywhere at Nonsense School Nonsense. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube, Haps, Twitch. You can join us live.

Speaker: twice a week, there's the Saturdays on YouTube, Haps, Twitch, Facebook, Twitter, and you can listen to every single episode of the podcast on Anchor, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Podcasts, basically anywhere and everywhere you get your little podcast jollies from. So go give us a like and share your friends. Share it with your friends. Tell your friends.

Speaker: And keep this in mind, where there's nonsense to be had, we will be there. We are behind all things nonsense. We are not the heroes you wanted. We are not the heroes you needed. And we're the heroes you get. But you can also email us. And with that being said, all I have to say is,

Speaker: Fuck yeah. I got buttons for days. I got so many buttons. That's what she said. She also said too bad you can't find them. Fuck. And as hard as you tried, you could not find a single one of them. Not one. I'm not touching. I keep reading the book. What the hell makes sense?

Speaker: All right, well, let's, let's, let's, let's, before this gets too far out of hand, let's, meanwhile, back at the ranch. Yeah, right, right on the ranch. Oh, there it is. Oh, I got to work in the morning. We have a top 10, don't we? Well, yeah, I'm getting there. I do, I do have a top 10. I'll handle the reams.

Speaker: Yes. It's my top 10, because it's my show, and I do everything, and I have a microphone. So here's my fucking top 10, you stupid freaks. That's just me being narcissistic. You'll have to excuse me.

Speaker: That was, that was, that was teen full -on narcissistic rage. Yeah, right? I know, Tina. That was, that whole rant was full -on narcissistic rage. That was literally after I yelled at Chris 14 times saying, dude, I need the sound so I can make the intro. You had the sound. All you had to do was go down and clip it like I did. There was no reason that I had to. Before you said it.

Speaker: Before you said that, I pestered you for days saying, dude, we need a sound so I can do the it. Well, I didn't have a sound. I didn't have a sound. And that's where my genius is. My genius is that I come off the cuff with the most random fucking bullshit that is gold. So once we hit the jackpot, then you add your sound. Gold is a little. Gold. Gold. I was going to do another terrible impersonation.

Speaker: Yeah much like the matrix after the first one they sucked

Speaker: I don't know. The second one went terribly. I don't know. I actually don't know. Get on a reach. You know what? Let me do a reach around. As far as can a reach around. Oh, God. A reach around. Here we go. Wait a minute. We need that. He said, let me do a reach around. Oh, no. He says it all the time. That's all it takes. Yeah. Well, the reach around is a nonsensical nonsense thing. It's a callback. That's like our thing. It's a callback. It's a callback. So we call it a reach around. Let me do a reach around. Speaking of our top five that we were talking about, our starting five,

Speaker: and Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves has only made one movie that had sequels that was good and that was John Wick. Any other movie that he's done sequels to was bad. I'm gonna fry chicken you little bitch. Bad. So he fried chicken. He said what he had to say. He ran away like a little bitch.

Speaker: Right, yeah, like what's his name from South Park? Fuck you guys, I'm doing home. He is home now. Fuck you guys, I'm doing home. Fuck you guys, I'm doing home. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cartman. Fuck you guys, I'm doing home. Skaggy guys. Yeah. No, see, look.

Speaker: The other two Matrix movies, they were, they were all right. They were pretty good. They were, they were decent. The third one was too much. I didn't really like the third one as much as I liked the second one. Um, the problem was with the first matrix was so fucking good. I mean, I was one of the movies that you had to watch more than once, just a fucking grasp at all, you know, and the second and third movies were kind of straightforward, you know,

Speaker: And of course you got Bill and Ted. I mean Bill and Ted go, does movies of genius. And then let's also just, let's not, let's, the only reason why Speed 2 sucked was because Keanu wasn't in it. Wasn't in it. And the fact that they used a boat. But besides those two things, in which, you know, that's kind of like a big problem with the movie, because the whole thing was about a boat. But besides those two things, that could have been a good movie.

Speaker: Yeah, wasn't he also in Point Break or was that the other guy? I don't know. He was in Point Break, the first one. Yeah, Point Break. But Point Break didn't have a sequel. Did he blow me? I mean, blown away as well. Yeah, Point Break did have a sequel or a reboot. He was not blown away. Blown away was. Hey, with that being said, you guys. Yeah, but. Cool story, bro. On to the final. All right. And there was a swipe away.

Speaker: There was a slight delay on that. Yeah. Keanu Reeves. Are we back yet? Did you wipe your little tears off your little face? Are we ready to go? I didn't have tears. I said what I said in a minute because it's true. And then you ran away. Well, if you disagree with me and you think Keanu Reeves outside of John Wick and you went to the bathroom and said, I feel pretty. If you think Keanu Reeves makes good sequels, then you voted for Joe Biden.

Speaker: That's that's all that's that's not yes, that's sucky. That's fake. That's why I'm the host. That's fake news. Let's go. Brandon. Fuck you. Let's go. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go. Brandon. Let's go

Speaker: That's how I roll. That is, again, the genius. Yeah. No, see, that shows you couldn't take the heat. That's stock in the package. Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey, don't get mad. Don't get mad. Because all I do. Backs. Backs. Backs. Jeez.

Speaker: Nobody puts baby in the corner. Nobody. It's time for Ben. Jeffrey, you on the other hand. You are fake news. I was looking for that sound right now. I have to move inside. I have a supersized top 10 list for you guys tonight. Jesus Christ. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Speaker: This is the top 10 most pointless laws around the world. There's only 10? No, it's supersized, so you get 25. There's only 25? Well, no, this is the top 10 best.

Speaker: So it's not all the laws around the world. We'd be here for days and I would have better success to ADH ADHD riddled goofballs. Just talk and just leave rather than reading off all the dumb laws. I've been here the whole time. What the hell's that got to do with the price of

Speaker: Buttermilk is right. I'm like, you two fuckers. I wait for my breaks. That's why I want them. I'm still here, yeah. I'm still here, too. I think that's the great thing about living in a tiny apartment is I can leave just because I'm off camera don't mean I'm not here. You can hear me. I can go in my bedroom. I can go in the bathroom. I can go in the kitchen. I mean, I had my set up in the bedroom one time and the night that Pops came over here drunk and I almost shot him.

Speaker: you could hear me talking shit to him through the door as if I was sitting right here clear as day because I've got an amazing microphone. Yeah, that's actually on the $25 .00. It works. It was on the podcast where I was in the kitchen. You know, I bought this microphone. Remember, I sent you a picture like five bucks, five below. Yeah, I put I put this shit in to my phone so we could do the podcast, you know,

Speaker: Couldn't couldn't hear any audio Well, that's what that that's where the either a splitter or that's where the laptop comes in handy because I've got my bluetooth I don't know Textmology, I didn't know Radio Shack ask store and it gives you they give you a radio shack Wow, you have not been in the United States for a long time. You ain't just there's there's still one down in something like that

Speaker: Oh, they still make bugs off the fucking assembly line down there. The 67 models. Actually, they stopped making them in 2004. 2004, okay. But like, my laptop that I use for this, I've got my Bluetooth earbud synced up to it and then my microphone is plugged into the USB port, so I have both of them.

Speaker: I can put them, but anyways. We'll talk later so I can get that fixed. The top 10 most pointless laws around the world. Well, you gotta find your charger cord. Coming in at number 25. Bob, fire up the shit. We're traveling. We're going to, oh God, you guys, I can't go to Canada, but you guys can. So I'll hang out here and you guys go to Canada. I don't have a passport.

Speaker: Well you're fine. Don't worry, we're just... Oh, I'm fine. You'll be fine. I'm fine. Yeah, you're fine. It's fucking Canada anyways. Who gives a shit? I'm just not allowed there because... I'll just scream COVID at them. Well, I declared war on them. And then they wanted to all fight me. And then they got scared and they apologized and gave me a moose and some maple syrup. They're half French, I mean, what do you expect? No, exactly. The French really want to lose their own fucking civil war.

Speaker: Number 25. In British Columbia, Canada, it is illegal to kill Bigfoot. Yeah, I saw that one. That's good to go. Bob, we're staying in the jet. We're just buzzing. We're just flying. We're just flying around. We're getting like his wings tonight. He's got to get used to the plane. He's not really used to flying. Turbulence, you know.

Speaker: We're, at the end of the day, at the end of the day, and I heard what you said, Jeffrey, and I'm just gonna go off by it. At the end of the day, we're just trying out Mike's special needs seat and his helmet and the plane with his top 25, so we can just keep flying around. And my crayons. And his crayons. Yeah, get him, the crayons. Crowns. Crowns, crayons, crayons, crayons. Crayons. What do you say? I say crayons. And my favorite. I say crayons.

Speaker: And my favorite letter of the alphabet is blue. That was in last week's top 10. Top 10. Good. You want that. There goes my microphone. I was worried there. Mike, check this out. I don't see that stuff. Well, we're on the job. Oh, geez. That's how we talk without talking. I'm on the job. I take this shit seriously. God damn it. The only one. Damn it. Oh, OK. I see what you're saying.

Speaker: Whoa, damn, man, you guys really are living in 1950, Jeffrey. Yeah. Hey, fucker works. Hey, if it works, it works. What the hell was I at? Number 24. We didn't get far. Michael, our old stopping grounds, South Carolina. It is illegal to burn in trash. I do know that very well. I know that very well because I got in trouble for it one time. I wasn't even burning trash.

Speaker: But some Karen said I was burning my trash and then the fire department, the police department showed up and they're like, you know, a lot of burn trash. And I was like, since winter, fucking sticks and twigs, trash, you dildos. And they're like, oh, my bad. Well, somebody called and I was like, I know who somebody was. Karen. And then somebody, that same somebody who called trash. You got a lot of burn trash out there? Nope. That same somebody who called and complained about me burning trash. Got a fireworks display that night.

Speaker: And when she called the cops, the cops came and hung out and sat on their hood of their cruisers and watched the watch the show with us. And they were like, if we weren't on duty, we would drink with you guys. Like, I mean, you can drink with us. We won't tell anybody. I'm just going to set this beer right here. What happens to it? You don't know. If I'm going to sit here and if I come back and it's empty, well, calm down, David Copperfield. How did you do that trick?

Speaker: Just going to be this flask opened right there. You enjoy it. Have a good day. Just in case you're wondering, there happens to be a bottle of Jack Daniels just inside the garage door. In case you want to do a legal search of the property for unregulated goods.

Speaker: There is a bottle of Jack, second shelf to the left. Are you thirsty? Would you like a glass of water? Water. All right. You got to add the inflection. You got to add the inflection so they hear the sarcasm because this is also an audio show. Yeah, because they can't see the air quotes, Jeff. They can't see that.

Speaker: You can't see the air quotes if you listen on Spotify. Like I do, I'll have no idea what you're talking about tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. But if you don't like it, just listen to the replay. And I was here. The context. Baby steps. One law every 20 minutes. Hey, look, look, look. I promise you, two or three episodes from now, everything will be running like a smooth operator.

Speaker: Tina and Betty talking shit. Damn. Just go listen to the replay on Spotify and then you can fast forward. Yeah. Number 23. This is not an illegal activity. This is a legal activity. It is legally. No, no, no. It is legal to

Speaker: Hold on a second. Good Lord. There we go. It is legal to murder a Scotsman provided that he is carrying a bow and arrow in York, England. I take high offense to that.

Speaker: No, I'm Scottish. I was just going to say, what if the guy is just a random dude in Illinois or Iowa that wears kilts for TikToks and you want to murder him? I don't just wear a kilton for TikTok, you fuckface. I wear kilts all the damn time. I've been scared.

Speaker: It's a kilt. Calm down, Michelle. And if you ain't manly enough to wear a kilt, that's on you. It takes a real man to put a kilt on. Are you transitioning? Are you going to come back and look for episodes and be Michelle? No. As far as you transition these nuts, transition these nuts in your mouth. Number 22. Not really. You got to really bring the these nuts game.

Speaker: Come on. I can put some emphasis. Deez nuts. Deez nuts. Anyways, shut up assholes. Let me talk. Still waiting on you. I know. This is for this goddamn show. You won't let me speak to you. Air conditioner. Okay, Joe. Number 22. You cannot sleep on top of... She said, I don't believe I have seen you in a kilt in the winter yet, Michael.

Speaker: that there's reasons behind that because I don't want to have a vagina when I take the kilt off. Can I get through these top 10 Jesus Christ? 22. You cannot sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors, but you may sleep on top of a refrigerator if you want

Speaker: in the privacy of your own home in Pennsylvania. I want to know what the penalty of that is.

Speaker: right i don't know i feel like the only person i feel like the only person who can test that theory that is smaller to sleep on top of a refrigerator in this podcast is jeffrey so i say if you're laying on the refrigerator outside no no no then you're laying on the side we're talking about the top so i say as a show as a show we take a field trip to pennsylvania

Speaker: We put a refrigerator in the front yard or in the parking lot of the hotel and Jeffrey, you curl up on top of it and fall asleep and we see what happens. I hope he gets tased. And I'll call the cops just to make sure we don't have to wait forever. There is a guy sleeping on top of a refrigerator and I hope they tase you.

Speaker: He's he's restraining Taze him Pineapples my safe word Taze him he's gonna resist trust me

Speaker: Sir, he's sleeping. He's resisting. Taze him. Don't you see that? Don't you? If he wasn't resisting, he'd be off already. Exciting the end off. Number 21. Where are we going with you to help off? Jeff, we've actually talked about this law. You cannot wear a bulletproof vest while committing a crime in New Jersey. Yeah, that's still.

Speaker: only, only while, only while not committing a crime. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So if you're going to go, Rob, if you're going to go rob, you better not have a bulletproof vest on it because you won't, you won't go to jail for the robbery. You'll go to jail for the bulletproof vest. Exactly. Number 20 in Venice, Italy, we're getting cultured guys. We've been to Canada. We've been to England. We've been all over the States. Now we're going to go to Italy.

Speaker: Fuck those two places, by the way. Where we discovered that pizza originated, Joe died on that hill. But in Italy, it is illegal to feed the pigeons. Really? Number 19. They compare to kinds of diseases. Well, they're disgusting little rats with wings, I agree. Number 19. They are. In Georgia.

Speaker: Georgia, home of the Bulldogs. Where's tatted mama's when you need her? That's her state. In Georgia, the home of the Bulldogs. Just in case you were wondering, fellas, it's illegal. It's illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. What the fuck would you get a giraffe? Why the fuck would you tie it to a telephone pole? I think it's illegal to commit sodomy in Georgia as well. No, it's not because incest is legal.

Speaker: No, it's not. No, that's illegal. But sodomy, no. It could be your sister just not up her hole. Her butt hole. Yeah, it's not up her hole. Well, she's got three to choose from, Michael. Which one are you allowed to put her in? Correction, she has 10. No, correction, there's nothing. And they're all in.

Speaker: Same place you get a kangaroo, you get a giraffe. I guess. There's two laws on this list pertaining to giraffes, just so you guys know. Much like in Florida, it's illegal to fuck a porcupine. Somebody did it. Yeah, exactly. Somebody did it. It all comes down to somebody did it, and they're like, well, there's no law against it. They're like, oh, yeah, I want a bat.

Speaker: There is no fucker in Nebraska, the Cornhusker state. It's illegal to get married if you have a venereal disease.

Speaker: We'll just leave that alone. Yeah, we'll just - I really don't need to get into YouTube. Yeah, move it on. We're all thinking the same thing. Number 17. Who can we see? I was thinking excuses. I was thinking, that's a way out. Right? Did I hit Chris with this? Yeah, I like what Mike said. It's an excuse. She's bugging you about a ring. When are you going to propose? When are we going to get married? I can't. I love you, and I would love to marry you. But unfortunately, we live in Nebraska.

Speaker: I got this venereal disease. I'm sorry. Yeah, I got them. Technicalities. I'm a law abiding citizen. Let's go back to Canada for number 17. I don't know why this is against the law, but whatever. In Ontario, or Ontario, whatever the hell they want to call it, it is illegal to climb trees on public property.

Speaker: Yeah. To climb trees. Oh my God. I know a lot of kids that need to be arrested. Sounds like North Korea. Every kid I know, including myself when I was a kid and probably YouTube Jackalopes, we would have been shot dead. Easily.

Speaker: You want to talk about your days. My grandparents have a tree that's still in their backyard, which was kind of cool to see my son and my nephews out there playing and climbing. My dad, when he was a kid, climbed that tree. I climbed that tree. And now my son and my nephews are climbing and playing and wrestling on that same tree. I couldn't imagine getting... You should jump off trees. Somebody watched the sound of music and said, fuck them? You're not climbing no trees no more? Thanks. Apparently.

Speaker: that's a that's a stretch reference jesus uh -huh yeah right i mean i get the reference ready to go that's a stretch yeah this is also the same guy who wanted to put red armbands on our arms are you surprised by the reference fucking nazi i'm czechoslovakian scottish not german nazi fucker you can you can be choke on this dick

Speaker: I mean, if it was bigger than two and a half inches, I would, bitch. Small things are choking hazards. Remember that.

Speaker: Oh, you didn't quit reading the labels of your kids toys. Don't play with me. I've been in this game for a long time, son. Number 16, one of Jeff and I's favorite places. And while we're there, I'm kicking a kangaroo's ass in Victoria, Australia. It is illegal to fly a kite.

Speaker: Damn, I bet you Mary Poppins has not played over there. She didn't fly a kite, it was an umbrella. Yeah, Mary Poppins. No, at the end, the whole song, let's go fly a kite. But she doesn't fly a kite. The kids in the pantry. The song was saying, let's go fly a kite. Oh, in the stratosphere. But Mary Poppins never once touched a kite in that fucking movie. Wow.

Speaker: YouTube. I will die on this hill. YouTube. You've lost already. It's a fucking song in the fucking movie. But she doesn't sing it. It's about Mary Poppins touching a kite. Mary? She does not. We watch that movie. And if you find Mary Poppins touching, stinging, or mentioning a kite. Where's my kite?

Speaker: Don't be taking chances with my dick

Speaker: Oh, Jeff, I'm sorry, I can't do that because I just ran out of pepper, so I can't make the little feller sneeze so I can find it. Anyways, in Illinois, in the USA, the giraffes make their second appearance on this top 10, top 20, top list, this fucking list. I'm scared to know now. It is illegal to fish on a giraffe in Illinois.

Speaker: What fucking asshole thinks it's a good idea to climb up on top of a giraffe? Right off of my bucket. Hey, go fishing. I shut out. Well, wait a minute. I'm in Iowa. I'm good. I'm good. Somebody's done it. Somebody, somewhere, somehow, and sometime in Illinois was riding a giraffe and decided to go fishing. I want to go fishing. And then and then some woke

Speaker: Jeffrey goes off and makes a wall about it. GLM, Giraffe Lives Matter. Exactly. You should not fish off of their bag. Oh my god. Number 14. Tina said, however, you can fish from a kangaroo couch, a pouch. Pouch? Yeah. I'll punch a kangaroo pouch. Number 14. I can't with you, Tina. Damn, we're not eating the tin yet.

Speaker: I'm better off on mine. You're both fired. Oh, something tells me again. Number 14.

Speaker: The wine. I'm too old for this shit. It's going to be constantly said from here. You know what? It is. You know what? I have honestly contemplated it a couple of times because in the last four days I have watched all three. I have not watched the fourth one, but I watched the first three of the weapon movies and I still love those movies. Oh, they're good. Oh yeah. They're great. But number 14, going back to England, going back to Wales,

Speaker: It's illegal to hold a salmon under suspicious circumstances. There's a guy on TikTok. I need to know what the suspicious circumstances are. He breaks laws in England. And he goes up to a cop with salmon in his hand. He's like, do I look suspicious? And the cop's like, no. He's like, OK, I'm safe. Does he grab a salmon and say, don't be suspicious? Don't be suspicious.

Speaker: How do you suspiciously hold a salmon? I don't have a salmon here. Do you try to Jedi mind trick him? The salmon you are looking for is not here.

Speaker: what that's the sad part about it Jeff and I've said this more times than I can count which isn't a lot I know just enough about the Star Wars and Harry Potter's and this and that I am dangerous with

Speaker: I know just enough to be dangerous. I think that's why I want to do the quizzes with you guys. I want to see how much Glick really knows about this nerd. I think he would surprise himself about how much, because I was listening to an episode and he knew about the Greedo thing. He knew about the Greedo thing. He couldn't remember his name, but he called out the scenario. Harry Potter is a son of a bitch.

Speaker: The real unsung hero in those movies was that guy with no nose on his face because fuck Harry Potter. He who we shall not speak of. Yeah. His or whatever the fuck they say. No, it's he who shall not be named, you fuckface. Whatever. Voldemort is the man.

Speaker: I was playing football the other day and I scored every every every time I every time I When my girls are when my girls are watching Harry Potter

Speaker: And I walk into the room and I see Voldemort on the screen. I hear that song, Hero, holding out for your hero. Swim all the good men down and wear them. There he is. Where's the hero? They're like, oh my god, he's so bad, dad. Stop it. I'm like, you totally took that off of Lego Batman. Yeah. What are you talking about? It came from Shrek. OK, first and foremost, it came from Footloose. So shut the fuck up.

Speaker: No, but it was a reference you're making. Yeah, with Voldemort was in Lego Batman. Yeah. Oh, was it really? Yeah. Don't play naive with me. All great films start with a black screen. My bad woke Michael. I'm glad your screen's black.

Speaker: ice cream happens to be colorful with reds and blues and green clearly clearly he doesn't have an eight -year -old son that lego batman is the only fucking movie he ever wants to watch shit no because my eight -year -old son is fucking cool and he wants to watch the marvel universe well your eight -year -old son don't have a nine -pack because he's batman

Speaker: i enjoyed the lego movies i just don't i've only seen i've only seen the lego movies i've only seen the lego batman movies i've only seen the lego batman movie like once or twice jonah hill with superman cracks me up jonah hill talking with

Speaker: Well, anyways number 13 I got the email eventually Jackasses Lord That movie was great. I hate you Batman

Speaker: Will Arnett is the best Batman to fight me, I dare you. Will Arnett is a really good Batman. No, no, no. I call the dogs. No. Oh my god, I need to be there grounded and I didn't have to take my shirt off.

Speaker: Anyways, speaking of your shirt, Michael, number 13. And we've never been here, Jeffrey. This is a first time experience in Barcelona, Barcelona, Spain, Barcelona, Barcelona. We could do this for hours, but we're not going to in Barcelona, Spain. It is illegal to be shirtless. Michael, Bob, ever.

Speaker: Mike's never found a shirt that he can keep on. Drop his ass out of the plane in Barcelona. He's getting teased now, too. Because that's fucked up. Because if you're working outside and they get a hole or something in as hot as fuck, you got to wear a fucking tank top. Fuck that shit. Well, we know that Woke Jeffrey won't ever be there because that goes for girls, too, right? No bikinis. No bikinis.

Speaker: Really? That's not a shirt. That's not a shirt. Fuck. A bikini is not a shirt. It's a top. It covers. Breathe in there. No, I'd be a bad... I'd have a badge down there. Be wrestling. Everybody. That ain't a shirt. What are you gonna... Does that mean I can wear nipple covers and call it a shirt? Yeah, does that mean you can move? I identify as wearing a shirt. Do you have nipple covers and call it a shirt?

Speaker: I can see Canada from my front porch or Russia. Well, it is illegal to

Speaker: observe mousses from a moving airplane. Do not look at mousses, mousses while we're flying everlasting. Is it mousses or is it mousses? What is the plural of mouss? I think it's mouss. I think it's mouss. It is mouss. I feel like this is a comedy bit and we're just fucking about. What is a group of mouss called?

Speaker: More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one moose is called a moose. More than one mo

Speaker: I know it's moose, but we're gonna go with mooses. You die on a lot of hills. Can we try not to die? That's because I'm fucking right. I thought it was moose. Betty said I thought it was moose. Somebody Google this shit. What is the plural of moose? What is the plural of moose? According to Miriam Webster, see the full definition for moose in the English Language Learners dictionary. And I didn't... Oh! Plural moose. Thank you. Yeah, it was a moose. And good night.

Speaker: I said it was. Yeah, it's not mousses. That's the thing. You weren't dying on a hill. I said it. I said it was, but I like mousses better. It's a personal preference, much like Mickey Rourke was a personal preference and I still won. Jeff replays that game with all the words. I have a fried chicken.

Speaker: number, anyway, we got click to sing. We got click to sing on the line. Number, number 11 in the UK, back to the UK. We go boys. Uh, can't use a fireman Sam as a, you cannot use fireman Sam as the station's mascot in the UK. Does anybody know what fireman Sam is? That's a dog. I don't know. That's a dog to Dalmatian.

Speaker: What is Fireman Sam? Fireman Sam is a 1987 family eight seasons that first aired in 1987 and stars Steven Kinman, David Carlin and Sue Douglas. Huh. Oh, it was a BBC, it was a BBC cartoon. Is it a domination dog? No, it's a dude. No, it's an animation. It's a cartoon.

Speaker: Oh, must be. So you can't you can't use fireman Sam, the cartoon character. That is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. All right, we're going back to Alaska, boys. You can look at all the mooses that you want. I don't even care. That is the dumbest goddamn thing I've heard in my fucking life. That is pretty dumb.

Speaker: I fucking hate people. Don't worry about it. Where's Market? I can't miss anything. Where the hell's Market? Well, apparently in the UK, you can't use Fireman Sam as a station mascot. And Fireman Sam was a cartoon back in the 80s. Where's Market when you need the British to make fun of? Yeah, exactly. Might as well just not allow us to have domination dogs at our firehouses. Exactly. Or Jim Carrey is a fire marshal bill.

Speaker: Well, number... God, you... God, you people are sleeping in Texas. You make my fucking head hurt. Number 10. We finally made it to the top 10, ladies and gentlemen. It only took us four and a half days. But, uh, in Texas... Bob, get me this special plane since we're going to Texas. You know the one. Damn, we got Betty Custard. It's like about town time. That one. That one.

Speaker: That one, that one, Bob. You know what I'm talking about. Kamikaze, one of them. Bye, bye, Texas. We got that one, Bob. I got parachimos. I got parachimos. I got sake. We're new in Texas. Well, in Texas, it's apparently illegal to milk someone else's cow. What if you were asked?

Speaker: It's like it's like consent consensual you would need to be on paper

Speaker: and then stamped may get a legal document. Yeah, it fucking notarized. You can't milk rape a cow, man. If you have permission, it's cool. But it's not like we live in Texas, and I'm going to jump over the fence and be like, nah, I'm going to milk Jeff Scallity. He's not even going to get it in. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have to have a bowl. Just remember that the milking cows have four eats. Yeah. Only see one tea. You're getting a different milk.

Speaker: Jeff loves that milk. That's that power milk. Yeah, that's that power milk. That's the biggest. Well, number nine, Jeff, we talked about this a couple of times. We've had a couple news stories about this said creature. Well, not only is it illegal, no, not only in Georgia, is it illegal,

Speaker: to, uh, tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a light pole or whatever. Yes. But in Michigan, let's go. Boo. Go move a raise. Yeah. Uh, it is a, it's, you, um, you're not allowed to tie your alligator to a fire hydrant in Michigan, but a light post is okay. I mean, you can probably tie to anything but a fire hydrant, but we've had stories in passing the news about alligators and

Speaker: How about a park bench? Yes. How about a fire hydrant, Jeff? Anything you say, if you say, if it's and it's not a fire hydrant, then yes. Yes. What if it's a boot, like a car boot? What if I tie them to you? Around my neck.

Speaker: I'm sorry, I wanted to be that guy for once. You've been that guy all night. Number eight. For once. Number eight. Number eight. Let's go to our favorite place, our favorite state in the country, Jeffrey. They finally made the lead. And they made it at number eight. In Florida, it is illegal to fart after 6 PM. We keep numbing us. We're coming to you. After 6 PM, you cannot fart.

Speaker: It is illegal after 6 p .m. on Tuesdays to fart in public places. Wicked numbness. Is that true? What happens? Now, as I said, what happens when that happens? And I can't and it escapes me, but I think it was South Carolina. But in South Carolina on Sundays, it is illegal to walk backwards down the street while you eat a donut. Yeah. And I would totally do it just to see if I would get arrested.

Speaker: And on Sundays, it is legal. On Sundays, it is legal to whip your wife on the courthouse steps with a hickory pole no bigger than your index finger. Yep. It is between the times of 1 and 4 PM. Do you do it before then?

Speaker: It's illegal. You're going to go to jail. But between those times, courthouse steps on Sunday. Can you imagine some asshole trying to argue that in court? There will be one act. There's always that guy, that one guy and say, Your Honor, it's completely legal. It's in the books. Look it up. Yeah. That guy would get lynched.

Speaker: That was in, that was in, that was in Boondock Saints when they got into that fight with that chicken, when they worked at the slaughterhouse. Yeah, the rule of thumb, that's what it is. I said I was going to go fry chicken Joanne. I love these two assholes. The only time that that was said.

Speaker: You're right, Tina. Boondock Saints is definitely one of the best movies. It is great. Well, number seven. And the new one's coming. They're filming. Right now. They're filming a third? Filming the third. Sweet. Even Mr. Bethel is coming back. I was going to say, they've got to bring William to flow back. Creepy beard guy in that movie.

Speaker: Watch your mouth, you're on thin ice if you start talking about Willem Dafoe. It has been well documented on the show that we love that man. Anyways, number seven on this list. This is, it is a, we're going back to Italy. So, if you didn't get enough pizza. We've been there twice. In Milan,

Speaker: It is a legal requirement to smile at all times, unless you're at a funeral or a hospital. Oh, fuck. We're screwed. Can I give a word as a faux smile? I just watched that movie and I fucked it all up. Are they like the Joker with the smiley face right here? I would totally do that.

Speaker: Yeah, right. Just walk around like this all day. That is like one of the greatest. Yeah, I give me a smiley face. Yeah. And I have a I have a joke. I just watched that movie. I feel like a jackass because I fucked up a lot. That was a great line in that movie. And I don't wait. I'm going to be arrested for the party. It's just been invoked. Yeah. What is your name? We're just going to call you eight up.

Speaker: those movies are so quotable you can't bring them up they're too quotable

Speaker: I know. Well, the fact that I just... I just... Dammit. Oh, whoa, whoa. Jaywalking, Jaywalking. Hey. Oh, I look like Dennis the Cat. We're just Jaywalking. They bought the goddamn ticket book and he was like, what's the code for Jaywalking? Fucking, I'm just gonna shoot him. I'm gonna shoot him. I'm gonna shoot you. I don't fucking love movies like this. Technically, the first one's Christmas movie.

Speaker: You know I said that I watched it with my kids like I was watching and the kids were here They're like, this is not a Christmas movie. I was like, it's totally a Christmas movie Right

Speaker: What do you want for Christmas? That's what he said in that same scene, Jeff. What do you want for Christmas? It's a Christmas movie. Throw in three. Throw a footer right underneath. I'm getting 12 footer. When Mel Gibson was thinking about contemplating suicide, there was a Christmas movie playing in the background. Yeah. He's watching the, it is the Looney Tunes Christmas Carol. Yeah. With the nine mil in his freaking mouth.

Speaker: those are some of the greatest movies ever you want to talk about yeah definitely bad sequels I can't wait apparently they're doing another one of course they are yeah yeah well of course they are they're either trying or it's been greenlit I don't know

Speaker: They made so many predator movies. They don't even call them secrets no more. They just call them predators. Yeah, but those predator movies are so good, man. Number six. Number six. We're hanging out in Italy. We're staying in Italy for this one. For the third time, Italy makes a list. It is illegal to walk your dog less than three times a day in Turin, Italy. Less than three times? Less than three.

Speaker: What if I just leave my dog out in front yard? Whatever, man. Does that consider walking? No, you're not walking it. Put it on a fucking treadmill. Right? All right, boys. We finally made it into the top five, boys. Oh, shit. I didn't think we were going to waste it. We're going to Georgia again. Oh, we had a jet view. One to Arizona.

Speaker: No, don't trust me. We got an unlimited supply. We're going to Georgia for the top five. We're going to Arizona. We're going to Connecticut. And I lost my list. Just make up some work. Just make up some laws. At this point, at this point, yeah, I could just make up some bullshit. Work. Wow. On the next episode of fact or crap. Right?

Speaker: okay well you guys don't get uh you guys don't get uh two fakes and a law what the hell my shit just crapped the bed like totally crapped the bed damn man alive i'm pretty sure it's still a hangable offense for stealing a horse in one of those southern states probably

Speaker: Texas. More likely. Oh, why did you do that? Football putt. Goodbye. Huh? I don't know why completely. Okay. Here we go. Top five in the UK. It is illegal to die in the house in the houses of parliament. I'm sorry, Lord. Burkeham ham. You cannot die here today.

Speaker: If you die here today, people will imprison you. Well, I think my impersonations was way better than that English accent you just tried to pull off. I'm like Kevin Costner when I come to the English accents. I can't do it. So Jeff's got his mic off. He's just going to keep talking like a jackass. That's because I mean dogs keep fucking barking. Number four in Scotland. I thought we were going to Georgia, Arizona.

Speaker: we're getting there we're getting there but in number four in scott yeah i lost my list i'm just pulling shit out of my ass at this point if someone knocks on your door and asks to use your toilet you must say yes in Scotland

Speaker: you know that's that's also true and and uh... i want to know what you know it's it's like so i'm so i'm woke but it's like uh... you're right i was going to wait a minute when did you find that jeffree if you knock on the door they have to invite you in and all yes like tea and crumpets or something

Speaker: Number three. I thought it'd be hummus. I thought it'd be hummus. Number three. Can you two not be racist for five seconds? Number three. In Connecticut, every pickle legally has to be able to bounce. A pickle?

Speaker: I want to go to Connecticut and go to Walmart and go, no, no, no. Call the police. These pickles don't bounce. You're all for jail. I'm going to be like, we're getting this on TikTok. This is an illegal pickle. This is an illegal pickle. Closer deals were coming after you bastards. Joe said to throw water at that goddamn dog, Jeffrey. And of shit.

Speaker: Who doesn't want to see them pickles are bouncy at this point, right? Right. Mike over here, Mike, Mike over here, the official pickle inspector, which thinks he gives it the right to tell all men to drop their pants. No, no, no. I love pickles. A full full on pickle? Yeah, you do. Let me, let me tell you. Do you like a 90 degree pickle? He's going to go, look, see,

Speaker: No, just walks away. We're not in the middle of a show. You guys shut the fuck up. Just walks away. You guys have taken like 18 ,000 bathroom breaks during the show. No. Your new name is Pickle Inspector. See the fucker. Pull out. See the fucker. The Moonshine. Moonshine Pickles. Right here. He walked in the other room and he said, Mike,

Speaker: Bring me your pickle. Come kiss me on the mouth. I was like, it's baby Dell. I'm sorry. I can't, I can't afford the big ones. I can't afford the $6 Charles. Number, number two in Arizona, it is against the law to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7 PM.

Speaker: You know what? What kind of asshole has a donkey in the house in the first place? And where else is the donkey supposed to sleep? Where else is the donkey supposed to sleep? I don't know, man.

Speaker: Your mom's like, don't ask, don't ask. Yes, wicked numbness, a sleepy donkey, a sleeping words are hard in the bathtub. There it is. Here's your first words are hard. How does it feel to lose your virginity, Michael? Unlike me, words are hard.

Speaker: Tree. Look, a distraction. Look, distraction. Oh, babies. Babies. Babies. Babies. Number one in Georgia. I know Mike keeps trying to say it, but he's saying it wrong. Georgia. Oh, that's a great song, man. Georgia. In Georgia, it is if you own any chickens.

Speaker: It is illegal to let them cross the road. Cross the road. So in Georgia, they will never know the answer to why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody took that joke way too seriously. Yeah, exactly. A asshole at the courthouse is like, I'll find that joke funny. Law. Fuck it then. They ain't going to happen no more. They don't get the goddamn joke. Lincoln Dumbness said so. I don't get it. Dumbness is already finding loopholes.

Speaker: It's Cheyenne talking about Georgia. Her ears must have been burning. Just so you know, it is illegal in Georgia for chickens to cross the road. Now, you know, she lived in Kentucky or something like that, didn't she? No, she lives in Georgia. Does that mean if I, did her, did her Bailey moved to Georgia?

Speaker: She's always lived in Georgia. How about I think we're up here? Bailey moved from Kentucky to Georgia. Okay, he was in Kentucky. Yeah, Cheyenne's like, fuck Kentucky. Too much bluegrass. Fuck him. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, you are in dangerous territory. You start talking about bluegrass. I will fight you right now.

Speaker: Oh, that's what she said. I like bluegrass. I wish it was that easy to just get moving. Skags. Skags all the way, brother. Skags all the way. Man. Now, if someone who doesn't listen to bluegrass don't know about skags. What are you eyeballing me for? I'm eyeballing you. I grew up on aigres. I don't have a dog in this fight.

Speaker: I grew up on bluegrass. My ex -wife's father was in a bluegrass band. I actually had a record deal to go on to be a bluegrass musician and turned it down because her mom got pregnant with her. And the man can play every instrument that you put in front of him.

Speaker: Never had a lesson in his life. Cannot read a lick of fucking music. Cannot read a lick of music. And he can sing his ass off. When we would, when we would go down there for a deer season and stuff like that, like the whole family came in from Kentucky. Cause down in Pike County where her family's from, they're like the only family down there. They run that entire county. Um,

Speaker: They would all come like justified. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, he's not in Walker. Shut up. Yeah, I thought he said he was in Walker. And then and he was he he was then gone in 60 seconds, had one of the best lines in the whole fucking night. And when you get out of jail, asshole, there won't even be cars. They'll be spaceships. Cheyenne, if you want to get caught up, you're going to have to listen to this fucking ADHD train wreck.

Speaker: on Spotify or anchor or Google Play or Apple Play. And Spotify is my personal choice because you can stream it whenever available. You can stream it on the way to drop Wyatt off to school. You stream it on the way home. You stream it whenever you want. You can pause it, come back. It's wonderful. Speaking of Wyatt, hey, Wyatt, Derp, where's your cowboy hat?

Speaker: I can't wear a hat. Me and Blicker wearing our hats that we did for the promo. Where's yours? Yeah, but I can't wear a hat with this, with my hat. Yeah, and Mike, just so you know, I wear that hat better than you do. Neither one of you got the right hat, because you don't have a fucking razor blade in it. Like, where are you going to put it? You want me to duct tape razor blades to build my baseball cap? Yeah, to fill it in, correctly.

Speaker: Then I'm like fucking odd job from James Bond. I just throw this bitch at people. He throws a shoe. Honestly. Anyways, that's the end of the top 10. We made it, guys. Now it's just ADHD bullshit. Number one.

Speaker: Number one was the chickens crossing the road in Georgia. What'd you do to your mic, man? Put your fucking thing back on. We can't hear you. Yeah, your mic's all fucked up, dude. Oh, yeah, I heard it. Yeah, we lost you. Oh, yeah. Yep, can't hear you. No idea what you're saying. Thank God. Why would you shut the fuck up? Good Lord.

Speaker: Now I can just get Jeff to show the fuck up. No, Mike's volume is bad. He put his earbuds or something in and his volume is gone. Yeah. Weird. He's going to go make love to his phone. Can you hear me?

Speaker: Big Mike, come here. They can't hear anything anyways. Oh, Cheyenne, by the way, Big Mike is the big dog's boyfriend that loses his apartment or his house or whatever. Can you hear me? Barely. Just barely. Nope. Oh, sometimes I'm in the show. Where'd your headset go? It died.

Speaker: Welcome to Jeff's house. It's either the dogs, the kids, or his wife in the background.

Speaker: The cool thing, if his wife's home and she's around, she'll play mariachi music really loud in Jeff's microphone. No, she plays the ringing. My neighbors are the ones that play fucking mariachi music. Everybody's... Can't put the dogs out. They're too small to go outside. Them dogs have been too small for like three months. They're literally this big.

Speaker: Throw them outside, let the coyotes eat them. Let the chupacabra eat them. So many coyotes here. Huck them, little fuckers. Again, I don't condone animal cruelty, but Jeff's dog should be eaten by chupacabras. You know what's funny is I can leave this door open and those dogs will not go outside. Really? I don't have a porch. It lives in a third world country, Cheyenne. I mean, literally, if I move, you can see out my front door.

Speaker: There's a porch there. Just my car. Are you downstairs? Yeah, I'm downstairs. Oh, that's the problem. You need to be upstairs on the balcony. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, my wife's up doing laundry and watching fucking Acapulco Shore. And trust me, you don't want to hear that shit. Buy a water. Buy a water again. Fuck, I got a nerve damage some more. Shit, baby bitches.

Speaker: 80 nerf bullets, bitch. That's nothing. One time when summer came up. This one time? Yeah, I know.

Speaker: One time when Summer came up, she had bought like 10 ,000 Nerf bullets on Amazon for like $10. I'm still finding Nerf bullets to this day. This bag is empty.

Speaker: Yeah, like there's there's there's there's there's there's packages of Nerf bullets From summer's purchase in my house that have not even been opened It's it's it's it's ridiculous. There's so many Yeah Well, you know they have nerf has the elite which is like the little they look like little golf balls and

Speaker: And they had, they had packages of those of like 120. Yeah. For like three bucks, but they didn't sell the fucking gun. So I couldn't get a gun to go with it. Well, I don't know what your, I don't know what your Wal -Mart looks like, but like up here are Wal -Barts. If you go to the, to the, to the. Toy section, that's massive. The toy section. It's, it's, it's bare, man. Their shelves are, their shelves are empty. It's crazy.

Speaker: They actually build an addition onto the Walmart here every year. It's almost like they put up a quick frame with sheet metal on it and a roof. And that's the toy section. It literally takes up like 35 parking spaces. Yeah. The toy section is big. It's empty, man. Everybody bought it. It's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker: It's crazy, man. This is the first year I was able to actually go nuts. And I was pissed because I found a couple of things that I wanted to buy and my wife just looked at me and went, no.

Speaker: Because I had already spent like $2 ,000. And I was like, but it's a slack dollar set. I mean, that's fun for the whole family. And then, of course, the next day when we got back from Mexico City, I went and bought wood to build the basketball hoop. Yeah, right? Joe, I agree. That would be really cool. I mean, when summer came up with all those bullets, I mean, that's why there's

Speaker: You know, it's still to this day, I mean, I still find random Nerf bullets because we were just having Nerf wars and then she brought up a couple, she brought up a couple guns and stuff too. So I, it was just, everybody was just shooting everybody the entire weekend, not to mention all the Nerf guns that, that, that cash has and stuff like that. Um, I don't know. It's one of those, it's one of those funny memories.

Speaker: just because we had fun. We had fun. That was it, because everybody was shooting everybody with Nerf guns and stuff like that. But I digress. It sucks we can't hear you right now, Mike. Just give me a few more minutes. I'm charging it up right now. So just give me a few more minutes. All right, Chef. There you go. Well, now I can hear you.

Speaker: Um, but, uh, what the fuck was I talking about? I lost much thought anyways. No, I mean, it's been a little, it's been a little wild and crazy and hectic tonight, but overall, I think, I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, um, I think it's been a pretty good show. Uh, we'll, we'll learn, uh, as we go, Jeff and I, we had to, we had to, uh, trial and error. Um, you know, we had to learn not to walk all over each other and not to talk over each other.

Speaker: So Mike will, Mike will learn and we'll learn and three of us will all learn not to walk all over each other. Hopefully these two will learn to be quiet. Shut the fuck up. That's going to be, you know, that's going to be the new line. That's going to be the new line. Not only is it going to be like, goddamn, shut up, Jeff. We're going to get a shut the fuck up. Mike going too. So, you know, it is what it is.

Speaker: That is the great thing about every evolving show. Every episode, we get better as we go at the end of the day. So we're working, we're growing. And I still feel like, and it's not like I'm saying anything bad, but I like the third person element. It's going to be fun.

Speaker: That reminds me before we sign off do not forget gentlemen to Get your starting five Ready for Saturday. Oh, yeah. So so yeah. Thank you, Jeff. Actually. Thank you. So Saturday, we'll have a brand new starting five our fantasy draft pick of top five

Speaker: actresses living or dead and that was that was one of the things that kind of When we did the first one because I didn't know if I had to be living actors or dead or whatever didn't matter So that's one of the things that kind of threw me off because I did have Robin Williams on there. So Joy is gonna have a hanger around Saturday. Well, damn. Okay join Saturday Saturday. All right, Saturday night guys

Speaker: Friday's, Friday's New Year's Eve. No, Saturday's New Year's Eve, right? No, Friday is. Friday is. Okay. So Saturday is the first. I have, I have a very special, and you guys are going to have to let me get through this without too much interruption, but a year in review, an end of the year top 10 list, and it's a top 10, it's not supersized, but it is a top 10 that's going to evolve into

Speaker: subcategories and lots of conversation. So I might top 10.

Speaker: Yeah, we might not do news Saturday. We might, we'll see how this top 10 evolves. I'm going to throw it into, uh, we'll come into the, but I'm going to throw it into the second segment and we're going to see where it evolves from. Cause it's a good one. That's a little tease for you guys. And it's a year in review, but, um, Joanne's going to be hungover. I don't

Speaker: I don't get hungry anymore. Dude, after Monday, dude, after Monday night, Monday morning, I woke up, or Monday afternoon, I woke up, Monday early afternoon, I woke up and had a 12 pack for breakfast. Nice. And then I sobered up. And I went out in DoorDash for a few hours. And then I came home and for dinner, I drank another case

Speaker: and then at six o 'clock in the morning because I ran out of beer and they don't start selling beer in Ohio until 5 .30. Again, I went down to the Speedway and bought a 12 pack on Tuesday morning and proceeded to drink a 12 pack for breakfast Tuesday morning.

Speaker: Ooh, it was fun. It's been a minute. I drank so much that I wasn't even, I drank so much, I wasn't even getting drunk anymore. I was just sober. It was like drinking pop, you know? Like, my body was like, bro, there's so much alcohol in your system right now. You wake up in the morning, your livers lying next to you crying. Yeah. Well, I was thinking like, like I went to bed Tuesday at like 10 o 'clock in the morning, Tuesday morning.

Speaker: And then I woke up at 1 30 and I was like, huh, no hangover, no headache. I feel, yeah, like, I mean, I went to bed at like 10 or something like that. And I woke up at like 12 30 and I was like, I feel good.

Speaker: And then reality slapped me in the face and I was like, I don't know, I'm just going to sit on my couch like a fat, lazy dump and be pathetic. But I played, I played video games. I haven't had time, but yeah. So Saturday, Saturday, so Saturday, uh, when we come back, it'll be a new year's, a new year's day. Yeah. New year's night, 2022.

Speaker: First episode of the year, we're gonna come back. We got a brand new starting five. We'll do our fantasy draft between the three of us. I got a top 10 list and then the normal bullshit shenanigans and all that jazz. So hopefully Saturday after tonight's show, some of the kinks and whatnot will start to slowly work themselves out.

Speaker: exercises. I'm done. When you're sitting here without any pants on while you do a podcast, you know, sometimes you just got to take a timeout and flog your dolphin. As a guy who has sex with dolphins on a regular basis,

Speaker: You think you would have heard that? Where do you think the expression came from? Jeff and his sexual experiences with dolphins. It started out as rape, but then he was like, actually, this is kind of enjoyable. They're gentle lovers. They're gentle lovers, and they cuddle. They cuddle.

Speaker: ain't no, you ain't had good sex unless you had dolphin sex. That's just motto. Don't knock it till you try it. But anyways, let's go ahead and wrap it up. I wish Mike's headset, Mike, can your headset work long enough to do a, to do a wrap up? Nope. You gotta make sure that thing's bad, bad boys charge all the way up for Saturday.

Speaker: Yeah, he's like watching that. It's like watching that. I was going to say an old school kung fu movie. His lips are moving. And I'm not even a football fan. That's the bad part. It's okay. Can you hear me now? Yeah. All right. Yeah, I think that was the problem. Thank you, Tina. Whoa, Joanne, what the hell are you talking about?

Speaker: I don't I miss Joanne's comment, but all I heard or all I've seen was been there done that I don't know that is a reference to you drinking not fucking a dolphin okay, I was gonna say I really hope that's not a dolphin fucking reference if so Joanne you and I might have to have a conversation nothing like talking to your mom about having sex with a dolphin

Speaker: You know, you know, your brother, you know, your brother is not exactly human. Just let me know that now. Trust me. Trust me. We are still trying to figure out what my broster is. Trust me. But he is still a mammal. He is still a mammal. We can apply for that. So anyways, God, I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I've had the last three days off and this has been the most enjoyable night out of all three of them.

Speaker: I have Friday off. I have Friday and Monday off. Tomorrow's my last day. Your last day last day or your last day for the holiday? Last day before the holiday. And then I got a long weekend and then back to work on Monday. So. Long weekend. No, I took Monday off. I took Monday off. Yeah. I took Monday off, but I guess I could go to work Monday if I really wanted to.

Speaker: They could give me my vacation time back. I don't need it off now, but... You know, Monday was a bad day. And funny. It was freaking hilarious. But, uh, that's it. That's another time for another show. That's a tale for another show. Yeah, dude, that was so crazy. Because you were worried about Monday, and then you... You were Snapchatting me, and I was just like... My guy was worried about nothing. Monday was just...

Speaker: The shoe's on the other foot now, so we'll see what they got. I didn't want this, I didn't cause this. That was their decision, and now let's see you get out of it. I understand that. Just treat it the way I treat almost everything. Fuck them if they can't take a joke. Yeah.

Speaker: No, I wasn't joking with this one. No, he did. He did, right? He really did, Tina. He did do good. One day was like a kick in the dick for me. So much like yesterday and much like today and much like the phone call and probably have given you five minutes. But just know that you're not alone. Just know that you're not alone. My phone is on as much as possible.

Speaker: You have my zoom number. I don't have your zoom number. I have your zoom number. I don't think I have zoom. You have his email. Just send him an email.

Speaker: email. Yeah. Send me an email. Nonsense. Nonsense podcast and email. Finally, the nonsensical nonsense email will be used. Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, it was it was actually, okay, first of all, the the the podcast, the the podcast email has been used twice for good things. Once was when I was talking to the PR guy from Black Dot Mojo and the second was when Rocky uh made our intro music.

Speaker: and he emailed us the video and the audio to it. For those of you who know me, it is an easier thing to say that I am not alone and me to understand that or realize that than for me to be there for everybody else.

Speaker: I just process better on my own and then I do what I need to do. So I do appreciate both of you guys and I appreciate some other people who have reached out to me this week. But I'm just not going to do it. I'm going to throw this out there too. You know, someone being there for you.

Speaker: doesn't necessarily have to be talking about what you're going through. Sometimes, having a conversation like this, like what we're doing right now, that's all you need. We just concentrate, we just focus on work and just bang this shit out. Exactly, which you did a very good job of earlier today, Mike. So thank you for that. I tried my best. I'll try not to make it about me.

Speaker: I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to make it about me. Here's the, here's the, here's the podcast for ocean.

Speaker: Oh, the big dog is coming to the shoe. The big dog is coming to the shoe. He'll put the host as far back into the back as we can and hiding behind all the filters and graphics and pretend like he doesn't exist. But here's Jeff, seven foot tall. Seven foot tall.

Speaker: Here's Mike in the front. And I'm like, wait a minute. This is my joke. How did I get over shattered? To be fair, I had you and Jeff in first before I came in. Yeah, but then you cover us up. But that's OK. I can't help it. I'm fat. I can't help it. Don't bite me. I was on the smallest level.

Speaker: I can't go anymore. But that is what makes me the great host and promotions team and editor and executive director and HR. As Mike found out last week, I also run HR when he tried to write me up. And everything else that I do, I can take my humble pie and I can eat my humble pie.

Speaker: And I don't have to be front and center. I don't have to be the main guy. You don't have to make the focus about me. Mike, I'm saying this because I want you to make a video where I am the main focus. I got you, brother. I whispered that and got close to the mic so nobody else could hear it. Right. This isn't for anybody else. This is just for you and me. I need you to feed my ego. I need to feel important.

Speaker: I will stroke that ego, that ego. I will stroke it like nobody has stroked it before. Your ego will be fully stroked. When you get done watching that TikTok, brother, you're going to need a cigarette and a towel because you're going to be spooked.

Speaker: Make sure you leave a couple bucks on the dresser floor. I'll throw him a towel. No, I'm going to leave it on the floor. I'm going to leave it on the floor, like where it belongs. Fuck that shit. You toss the towel and wipe yourself off. You bend down and pick it up. As I block it out of the bedroom, I'm just going to throw him a towel, clean yourself up, you dirty whore. You know where the door is. Lock up when you leave. Betty and Tina, I heard nothing. La, la, la, la.

Speaker: Anyway, thank you guys for hanging out. The chatter's box. You guys were awesome as always. I love seeing you guys chat and I love seeing you guys hang out. Make sure you tell your friends. Let's get the chatter's box blown up for Saturday night.

Speaker: Uh, if you're not already, uh, check us out on all social media, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tik TOK at nonsensical nonsense. We'll get to the point where we share all of our prime, our, our personal Tik TOK nonsensical nonsense has become my personal Tik TOK it's, it's, it's my baby. My other two, I could care less about at this point. I just want my backup to be at a thousand. So when we're going to work, I'm going to, you and me are going to start working on that Glick.

Speaker: Um, so on the, on the exit though, Jeff, I'm going to follow your lead. I timed it. I timed it today and I can squeeze in there right after you. Oh, okay. Oh yeah. I gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. But no, as I said, thank you guys. Awesome. Thank you, Tina. Mike, Mike and Jeff. Great show you guys. I know we bust each other's balls. I know we all suffer from ADHD and we're going to get sidetracked, but we'll get better. I know. Distraction.

Speaker: You know, Mike, it's awesome having you on the show now. I think it's going to be really fun between the three of us. Oh, yeah.

Speaker: you know like i said uh... you know if you guys are already follows on social media join us live every wednesday and saturday night uh... live on haps face book youtube twitter twitch nonsensical nonsense ending in every episode of the podcast on anchor spotify google play apple podcast

Speaker: Just ask for it. Ask your Siri. Ask Alexa. Alexa, you cannot ask Alexa. Words are hard. Words are hard. Google assistance, whoever, whatever. I don't care. Just say, nonsensical nonsense podcast. And I promise you'll get us everywhere. Just don't call 911. That is against the law. Even if there were trees, boobs, and it's distraction, Betty, not destruction.

Speaker: Mike fucked that up earlier in the show. I understand why you can get up here. No, the line in the line was destruction, but you were so drawn. Yeah, but you changed it to destruction. No, it's destruction. It's destruction. It's destruction. Read it again. Listen to it again. You said destruction. I want to die on this hill. I want to die on this hill. You can die on that hill, but I like distraction. I like, look, distraction. Because then you can go, look, distraction.

Speaker: Tina, whose side are you on? OK, go ahead. See there on my side. It always was distraction. So you fucked up. You fucked up.

Speaker: Simple. It's because it's because it's because I don't let you win on the side of the truth. I know what it is. The side of truth, the side of truth, justice and liberty. I am always right. I am never wrong. You will learn this as we go. Jeff is still trying to learn it, but he he's hard headed. That's what he said.

Speaker: It's the only thing that's hard, and it's hard. It's okay. No, that's fine. We're not fighting. I'm just wrong there. I'm right there alone. No, no. Oh, no. And that's the end of the day. There is no such thing as a fight on this.

Speaker: No, because here's the thing. Have you looked at the three of us? We're probably more wrong than right any damn way. And us dumbasses are the ones fighting about who's more wrong. At the end of the day, if there ever was a real fight between the three of us, we would just get on Snapchat and make fun of each other so ridiculously hard that we wouldn't forget what we were fighting about. We'd come back. We'd go back to the podcast tears on our eyes. I don't know what happened.

Speaker: But it did, and you were wrong. I don't wear mascara anymore. My eyes are beautiful. Anyway, can I just end the goddamn show? Yes, please end it. I can't even end this guy. Your mom done said good night twice. Good night, Joe. She sent us past your bedtime.

Speaker: I just want to put this show down like I want to put Jeff's dog down. It's a freaking show. You're gonna get fucking grounded. If I can get grounded and Joe never tells people to look at my thingy again, I'll be happy. Show him your thingy. Look at it. Look at his thingy guys.

Speaker: Anyways, that's a wrap. We're out of here. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out Jeffrey Michael. I love you guys This was awesome. This was this was a Much -needed distraction I'm not gonna lie So, thank you guys. Thank you guys in the chatters box. I love you guys. I love doing this show and

Speaker: We're going to end the show the only way we know how to at nonsensical nonsense. Absolutely. Jeffrey stall for me because I don't have it ready. Can I just say how you think about the chick from the video? Oh my God. Have you seen the TikTok she did for the song? Holy shit. I just got an email. I just got an email. It's from Matt and he said he is not Matt. I'm sorry. It's from Kat.

Speaker: the most amazing bassist of all time at gmail .com. He said, please tell Jeff I just booked a flight to Cancun. What? There are no flights to Iowa. I get it. That's because the girl in the black -out video is Matt's girlfriend.

Speaker: No, it's Cats Girl for her. The basis for Blacktop Lojo, the wicked woman, that's Cats Girl, that's Cats Woman. So Cat has booked himself a flight to go to Cancun and he said he is murdering. Oh, chuck me. Yeah, he's going to, oh, chuck, he's going to knock on your door and when you open it, he's going to go, oh, shit, chuck.

Speaker: Can you tell him to to have that filmed because that could be a missing The missing the missing piece to let us all go viral You know how many times that we thought we were gonna break to talk never happen that one that one will do it. I

Speaker: Yes. A murder. I broke it and got it from his hand. A murder! You know, we might not have a nut going across the country, but if we murder Jeff, we will go viral. Yeah, right? But anyway, we're going to go ahead and wrap this up. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for ringing out. Jeff, Mike, thank you guys. Awesome show. I feel like it was also, I'm going to listen to this and really

Speaker: think about my life choices, but it is what it is. And as I said, we're going to end it the only way we know how a little Blacktop Mojo, if you're not already, as I said before, go follow them, go check them out, listen to all their music, comment on their videos, comment on their Facebook, comment on the Instagram, tell them that we sent you. I am not right about many things in life, but I am right about Blacktop Mojo. That is a band that you need in your life. You need that band. They are, they are,

Speaker: good. Good as hell. They are. That that is something that you want to listen to, buy tickets for, buy their merch, use them on podcasts, you know, take their help. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker: You know, that is, that is, make TikToks and use their sounds. That is, that is, that is a band. And if you make a TikTok and you use a blacktop Mojo sound, you use the hashtag non -sensible nonsense and tag us in it. So anyways, we're out of here, we're done. Jeffrey, hit them with it so we can cue the music. Deuces! Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only blacktop Mojo. The only way we know how to end a show.

Speaker: It's such a long intro. Like it takes forever. But it's worth it. Oh, it's 100 % worth it. It's just like when we're trying to end the show, I gotta learn to dance forward. There's nothing on that. Here.

Speaker: She lies the blood on her hands She dances naked through the

Speaker: Wait some late above the head As I began to believe, she said Oh, I'm all alone in the sky Take this sacrifice I want to live for you

Speaker: Sir, can I help you?

Speaker: Do you have any weapons of any kind? Anything to defend yourself? Sir, this is a speedy mark. We have hot dogs too for a dollar. I just put them on the roller yesterday. They're pretty good. No man, like something sharp. Something like I can stab to defend myself with. I've got some sharp titter combos over there. It's kind of like a rich cracker pregnant with a cheese baby. Well, let me just take one of these lighters and I'm going to borrow your bug spray and

Speaker: Can I borrow your bathroom key as well? Uh, yeah, bathroom key. All right. Ah, I got your bathroom key. You really borrowed the boat. Make sure you bring that back. My father's got guns and ammo behind him. 13, 62. And I'm going to have to have it. And there's a coin chart shortage. We need exact change. Exactly. I can't get her over how dirty Matt does. Okay. Here she comes. Here she comes. Wait for it. Wait for it. Jeff just got off.

Speaker: Yeah!

Speaker: Oh shit Chuck. Oh shit Chuck. Oh shit Chuck. Oh shit Chuck.

Speaker: Mother in the sky Take this sacrifice I wanna live forever And I'll spare it in the earth Give me whatever Make me a god like you Make me a god like you

Speaker: and that's how you end the show, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you guys for hanging out again. We will see you Saturday night. Michael, Jeffrey. Thank you. Peace out. We are out of here. Do this, peace out. Bye, motherfuckers. Nice. All that used to be saved.