Transcript
Speaker: This is Chamber of Reason, right? What is? This is. It's about to be. okay. We're almost there. It's not Chamber of Reason yet. We all have to be... Well, I guess we're talking. i That's step one. I guess suddenly we just find ourselves in a Chamber of Reason episode, just like that. But that's not what Chamber of Reason is about. Chamber of Reason is about ah questioning. Right.
Speaker: Talking is just people banging rocks together. Questioning is throwing rocks into a hoop and scoring. I would say questioning is picking up a rock and there's bugs underneath.
Speaker: Now, why? i feel like I had a dream about picking up a rock and there were snakes underneath. But is that I don't think snakes are under rocks these days. i think it's mostly worms and bugs, right? um I never got a snake under a rock, but I got a lot of millipedes.
Speaker: They like being under rocks. Millipedes are snakes with ah stuff added? Or what is it? No, they're just like bug snakes. It's kind of crazy how like, oh, you think of a snake as a creature with no legs. Think of a millipede as a snake with what? Some legs? Wrong. Try again.
Speaker: Many legs? More than that, sir. Try a million legs. A million. A snake with a million legs? How is that even a snake? I thought a snake was something with no legs.
Speaker: A snake is not something with no legs. A snake is something with a million legs just on a millipede instead of on it on itself. A snake is a legless millipede. yeah They say that like a circle has infinite edges. Right. A snake has infinite legs. A lion is a circle with no edges. I'm a guy with billions of legs. Other people have them. They're on the rest of the human population. I'm a guy with, ah what would it be, 16 billion legs?
Speaker: No, am. Well, not quite. A little less than 16 billion. There are some people with... Because of legless people. Yeah, but you have to account for the people who are born with extra legs. That's true. I think it does kind of all even out. Well, no, because they're born with extra legs, but they chop those things off shortly after. But those are still legs. They're just not attached anymore. exactly.
Speaker: Just as they're not on me, they're not on the other person, but they're still legs. They're not on them either. Some legs are just on the ground. If I was born with four legs and the doctor swiftly cuts off, boom, umbilical cord, boom, foreskin, boom, one leg, boom, one additional leg, just to make me a complete package. I still have these i have these two vestigial legs laying on the hospital floor. They're still your leg.
Speaker: I'm still allowed to say two two truths and a lie. And by the way, I have four legs. or i had I have four legs. Only two of them are on me right now. Some of them are just ash. I have two living relatives. One of them is fully living and the other of which is ash. One of them living ash. Living as ash these days.
Speaker: Currently identifying as an Ashen being. Most of the stuff I own is ash, I think, at this point. Everything i own, i want to say, however heavy the Earth is, that's how many belongings I have in pounds.
Speaker: What? just own everything that's on Earth, but not all of currently. dude, I disagree. Some of the things you say go too far. You don't think I own everything on Earth? Not quite. We're about renters in this life. And also, the the meek will inherit most of that shit. Yeah, they can have it when I'm done with it.
Speaker: Right now they're just hiding. The meat can have the earth when I'm done with it. Really? Yeah, sloppy seconds. Have fun with that used up earth. Has anyone ever criticized the Bible? Yes. For some of its sayings? Hitchens did.
Speaker: Christians. Christians de criticize the Jewish Bible. Ex-Gens. Don't they call them ex-Gens sometimes? Yeah, because Christ is like a bi naughty word. Yeah. Ex-Gens. And what is X-mas?
Speaker: Christ-mas. christ It's Christmas but without like Christ. Yeah, Xmas. It's just a Santa-based holiday. Santa-based holiday that point. X-Men.
Speaker: Oh, right. That's short for Christ-Men, right? Yeah. I guess so, huh? Yeah. Religious. Professor X. Professor Christ. X, Y, Z. Christ, Y, z Yeah. um Xylophone. Chryslophone. X marks the spot.
Speaker: What marks the spot? How would you convert that? I don't know. What? marson X marks the christ the spot where Christ was stabbed by Longinus. He got hurt.
Speaker: Well, but that's neither here nor there, right? No. No. What is there, though? Wait, when something is neither here nor there, what is the optimal? I don't like that. Let's skip that one. No, no, no. This is a great question. If something's neither here nor there, what is better to be? I don't like the road we're trotting down. I don't care. I'll ask Matthew. Matthew, if something's neither here nor there, what's better to be, here or there? There's no such thing as something that's not here nor there. what Sure there is. What do you mean? Everything is either here or there.
Speaker: Except for things that are neither here nor there. What? Name one thing. um like like um um like um Like four molecules. Four molecules are neither here nor there.
Speaker: There? No. Actually, global i think i think it's here too. Yeah, there's four here. Because there's way more than four here and there's way more than four there. But four molecules does exist. don't think you can say that. You can't say that something isn't here because there's more stuff here.
Speaker: like it's Like, am i well am I here in my room? No, because there's way more than just me. There's way more.
Speaker: Yeah. It'd be ridiculous to say that I'm here. Lots of shit is here. Who gives a fuck? Okay, fine. Fine. I won't ask my question about what's optimal to be here or there. Well, optimal. That's a different question entirely. Cowards like to be here, right?
Speaker: Or do cowards like to be anywhere but here? What do you mean by here? Around you? Well, cowards like to be at home, right? Like, safe here. You're a friend of cowards. i think I think they like to be around you.
Speaker: I'm a friend of cowards? friend of cowards? Friend to cowards. Oh, okay. Is that true? You think I comfort the cowardly? I think if a coward came to your home seeking refuge, you would let them in.
Speaker: um I don't know. They irritate me. They do, but do you really want to see them get pounded by a bully? Well, I admire the fearless in both of it. You know, when a bully punches a coward, I hate them both because neither of them are being fearless. It's true. If a bully, if a bully were to punch another bully, they can both crash on my couch.
Speaker: Or if a nerd fucked a nerd. like Sorry, a coward fucked a coward. They can both sleep on my couch. and Okay, but wait, no, you said something interesting there. What if a nerd fucked a nerd? That sounds awesome. Probably just nerd out if I saw that. I don't know if you guys are seeing the same thing I'm seeing in my mind's eye, but the nerd girl is actually pretty attractive when she lets her hair down. Yeah, she's a book is she's a bookish blonde, and she's got a miniskirt on.
Speaker: I find her glasses charming. Other people might say they make it, oh, she looks like a nerd. It's like, actually, that's one of the things that's good about her. She reads books at the library. She's looking, she's peering up at me while she's kneeling over her horn-rimmed glasses. that what's wrong with that that's not nerdy she's kneeling over her horned rimmed glasses she's peering up at me over her horned rimmed glasses while she kneels is there anything wrong with this i don't even think this is that nerdy right now what happened she dropped a book she dropped my book she was carrying your book she picked up my book when i wasn't looking and dropped it she tried to steal your book she's a thief she was attracted to your book because she's a nerd She's a cowardly nerd. She tried to steal my book when I wasn't looking. Now she's kneeling to pick it up. It's crazy. Both of your guys' eyes are dilating.
Speaker: Talking about this nerd. This sexy nerd. Okay, well, I'm going to thin them out by thinking about baseball. All right. Try not to cum. Have either of you cum before on Chamber of Reason? And it's okay to be honest. We can cut this part out. Let's not cut it out. I have...
Speaker: not come on Chamber Reason yet. Cut that out. That's embarrassing. I haven't i haven't come, ah I think, in the week leading up to any recording of an episode, I haven't come. In the week leading up? We've recorded weekly for the last ah year, I want to say. Yeah. Okay, i don't want to talk about my personal issues on the podcast, though.
Speaker: I know. Right. I keep it close to the chest. That's an achievement. you talking about your personal issues? I don't want to talk about cumming, but let's just say i keep it close to the chest. Hey, speaking of cumming, I found this hilarious Reddit question from Too Afraid to Ask, and i feel like y'all i feel like y'all and I feel like Matthew would be my first choice to read this question. Y'all strap in. We're about to read on Reddit. I might be the right guy to actually answer this one, huh?
Speaker: Yeah. ah All right, I have a question for you guys, which will make this chamber of reason. Okay. ah Is it unhealthy that I masturbate to the thought of a future romantic partner?
Speaker: Guys, this is from Reddit, just before we go on. male, 32, don't know where else to ask this, so I'm asking here. Also, obviously, marking this as NSFW, or not safe for work.
Speaker: But with how I approach porn and stuff online, while I'm all okay with nudity and sex, I don't find explicit, performative, hyperactive porn all that attractive.
Speaker: In fact, I've commissioned several artists to draw specifically a fairly generic, cute, straight couple being cuddly, happy, and naked together. not even always having sex as the main source of my porn consumption.
Speaker: And I try to use those images to imagine and think about a bond of deep closeness with a partner when I'm masturbating. I've wondered if this is weird or gross or mentally unhealthy many times. And this is my attempt to try and finally get answers to those questions. Yeah, like anyone who has vanilla sex and only likes vanilla sex, just like, let's turn off the lights, get under the covers, hump three times, guy on top, and go to bed after one smooch.
Speaker: Those people who enjoy that or do it, they have the darkest sexual thoughts you could possibly imagine. Is that even a joke? That's just a fact, right? I think that's a fact, yeah. That has to be true.
Speaker: Yeah. those people Those people think about fingering, like the gnarliest shit you could even imagine. Fingering. sixty nine in um 69ing. Gliding your fingers kind of close to the anal area. I mean, the most... This is the gnarliest shit you can imagine? Let me think of other stuff. pu Kissing someone's neck.
Speaker: um They think about they think about ah um girl on top. like Fucking wicked shit. Criminal shit, literally. They think about like um a four-year age gap.
Speaker: This kind of shit. Nasty. Like like fucking fucking while standing up. Fucking on ah on not a desk, but on a fucking couch. Can you imagine? Having sex in the backseat of a very large car. oh That's the kind of shit that these people think about. it's brutal. Taking their girl to Froyo. Taking their girl to Froyo and then going back home and reading The New Yorker in their big ah king bed with two separate reading lights on each side of the bed. They think about Leave It to Beaver. Are are they using the app or the actual paper?
Speaker: They're using the actual paper. That is kind of weird. In bed? bed. The most depraved men who have been metooed in our society, their sexual fantasies, if we were able to find their diaries and journals, would mostly consist of giving a flapper a generous tip. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah And yet the best made plans of mice and men, ah you know, often don't work out. Yeah. The mice ones really don't work out. ah yeah Have you ever seen um a mouse actually achieve anything?
Speaker: a mouse's plan? That never expression is cheating. The best laid plans of men and also mice and ants and rocks and sand. One of them can execute plans, but why are you lumping them in with these ignoramuses? The best laid plans of geniuses, the rich, the powerful, and also a few bugs often go astray. Not the dung beetle. Dung beetle is planned. That is not what the dung beetle should have done. Well, that's your opinion, but they they do what they aim to do.
Speaker: The dung beetle. Done. Done with that. Get her done. Get it done. The dung beetle is really celebrated by like hustle culture, guys. Dung beetles aren't supposed to do that. They're supposed to roll something else up. They're like the bug equivalent of Sisyphus, but instead of going up a hill, they go flat land. They go sideways, yeah. Yeah, so it works for them. Instead of going up a hill, they roll shit into a ball.
Speaker: Do you guys imagine them happy? I don't have to imagine them happy because I know they're happy. You guys imagine scarabs happy? I'm too busy imagining Sisyphus happy. That takes a lot of work, right? Did you guys find that you end up waking up ah having shed three pounds in your sleep just because of how much you were dreaming about Sisyphus's happiness? Like you strained and burned calories doing it?
Speaker: I just put a grin on the guy's face and I'm good to go for a while. You're doing emotional you're doing the emotional labor equivalent of his physical labor? Good point. What happens if Sisyphus says, fuck it, I'm not doing it today. I'm just going to smile.
Speaker: I'm just going to walk around smiling because that's just as fucking hard as pushing a rock up a hill. do You think his tormentors are just like, okay, look, man, we see that you didn't push up the rock up the hill today, but... We did notice that you smiled all day. That must that was probably not easy.
Speaker: So congrats. you We're still going to pay you. His tormentors want him to smile? His tormentors want him do anything difficult. If he did that, would be enough. I guess that's what any tormentor actually does want, though.
Speaker: Like, you can defeat a tormentor by smiling. Do you think tormentors like being defeated? I think that's what bullies do in school, too. They're just trying to get the weak nerd to be happy, despite it all.
Speaker: And stand up. Stand up to them. It's a master and his disciple. It just weirdly doesn't work because they use the wrong what ah they use the wrong technique, right? Yeah, punching. yeah Stealing. yeah Well, bullies aren't too bright, usually. But their victims aren't either.
Speaker: No. Bullies and victims are just like two low status people trying to harmonize in the way that like um semi-social birds try to ah harmonize. you know It's just like a pigeon chasing around a lesser pigeon. It's like you guys are both lower beings. But there is something that the victims of bullies have, and that is the ability to plan, right? Because they're often...
Speaker: planning ah shootings. Yeah. They're mostly planning shootings. Right. Before they even get bullied. That's why the bullies are bullying them is because they can sense a school shooting. Bullies just hone Yeah, they they pick up on it. They have an instinct. When the victim releases school shooting pheromones, the bully comes right their way.
Speaker: I also think that the the school shooter is only school shooting because they forgot to pay the bully tax for all those years. like They weren't getting the bullying out of their system. and now it's it's like You know how when um you you don't get puberty until you're 21, and then when you do get it, you like really get puberty? That's kind of what a school shooting is. I don't know that. does that happen? Is that true? I don't know about that. Yeah, like when you keep postponing your puberty using your using willpower alone, it builds up. And then you get like really gnarly secondary sex characteristics.
Speaker: And these are the guys doing school shootings? No, that's just a metaphor. That's why the school shootings are so heinous. If they bullied a little bit more when they were younger, like in middle school, the school shooting maybe wouldn't be so bad. Exactly. They expend less bullets. Yeah. By that logic, they should just be doing a small shooting every year. think that's a better. mean, kind of, yeah. Isn't that what firemen do?
Speaker: Or no, they do like, yeah, controlled burns, right? And police do controlled murder. Right. Yeah. Police are controlled murderers. LAUGHTER
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, what do you guys think of this prompt? I mean, I think I express my my distaste for this person's masturbatory fantasies. The thing that sticks out to me is it says they commissioned several artists to draw fairly generic, cute, straight couple.
Speaker: So they're commissioning an artist to draw someone that isn't even them, it sounds like. A generic man cuddling with a generic woman. And that makes me think that they're wrong about their fantasy. Like, I don't think their fantasy is for that to be their life.
Speaker: Or else the person the drawing would be them. I think their fantasy is to be a voyeur who's like in the tree watching a normal straight white. Did they say white? Mm-hmm.
Speaker: No, but we can tell they're white. Normal, straight, white couple cuddling in bed. think they're tree jacker. I think you bullseyeed it, Derek. The nicer a situation, the more harmless the situation that you want to masturbate to, the more fucked up you are in the head because it's more of a private moment that you're watching. You're outside fear. Being a voyeur for something that is flagrantly designed for the gaze is basically harmless because it's like, well, it wouldn't be happening unless someone was watching.
Speaker: The flagrancy of the sex act sex act is clearly only happening. You watching. would be happening if someone... Yeah, yeah. Well, the watching of it. The watching, yeah. i just I like that word. I wanted to point it out not to like fuck with you or or ruin your flow, but...
Speaker: I wanted to highlight that word. The watchening. Yeah, that's what people who consume porn do. they're watching it's being It's for the watchening of it. That is different than just watching. 100%. The watchening is like a happening that is all... It's a happening that ah derives from watching.
Speaker: Yeah, watchening is like um when the watcher is doing their thing. and like like For example, you don't watch a play as much as you watch in it. The performers are there for the watchers, and the watching informs the performer. So any kind of live performance is not just watching, it's watchening. You can go birdwatching, because the birds don't really change their behavior based on how they're being watched. I agree. But you can't go birdwatchinging Unless the birds have those alarm calls or what is it called? Scolding? How birds can um yell at you because you've gotten too close to their territory? That's a different kind of bird watching. Harassing them. But this is exactly why like the phrase male gaze is is is inaccurate. like What people are actually upset about is male watchinging.
Speaker: But the male gaze, if it happened, would be completely harmless. Yeah. males just watch people who don't know they're being watched and they don't touch themselves, that's just people watching. But people watchinging?
Speaker: That's like flash mob shit. That's like Truman Show shit. Truman Show, like he was watched, but then once he found out that he was on the Truman Show, that's when people started watching him.
Speaker: Exactly. It's kind of what happened to Paris Hilton. Yeah. Not Paris Hilton, you're saying? No. Well, I guess actually Paris Hilton too, because she, yeah, she was watching a bit.
Speaker: She was watching. A bit? On The Simple Life. Yeah. You know, speaking of um ah violence, here's a question maybe ah you want to read, Pierce. Title, What was Osama bin Laden doing during 9-11?
Speaker: Do we know what bin Laden was up to that day? Did he have any contact with the terrorists, or did he watch everything go down at the same time we did? I also wonder if he was alone, celebrating with soldiers, or maybe if he was just even angry that not everything went as planned. Do we have any idea of what he was up to that day?
Speaker: Interesting. I can tell you what I would do if I were Osama. I would um stay inside. I would like watch a movie. I wouldn't check my phone.
Speaker: i would just try to like, you know, because like at that point, once the plan's in motion, you can't really do anything about it. So I would just try to relax, keep my cool, maybe check in the next day. i I think I would probably be watching with everyone else, and I would also experience the confusion after the first plane hits One World Trade Center. Like, holy shit, was that an accident?
Speaker: I told my hijackers to hijack four separate planes and then just fly them around. When I see that first plane crash, I'm like, damn, did one of my hijackers crash?
Speaker: Did he not see the building? That seems insane. You would be worried about the hijacker. was a horrible accident that happened to one of my hijackers. Second plane hits the other World Trade Center. All of a sudden, I'm like, oh my God, my hijackers have planned planned something to do with this on purpose.
Speaker: Then it starts to all sink in. And then I start to think, oh my God, America is under attack. Oh shit. Next thing I know, Pentagon gets hit. Now I think shit's about to get real.
Speaker: Shanksville, okay, phew. There must have been some kind of passenger uprising. My hijackers were defeated by the by the passengers. Not good. But good for America in this moment because perhaps one of their governmental buildings will live to see another day.
Speaker: Maybe by hour four of the proceedings, I'd start to think, I wonder if I'm responsible for this. Me, Bin Laden. And then the next day, you know what would start to sink in?
Speaker: This is going to be used as an excuse to take away Americans' freedom.
Speaker: this is This is essentially the perfect opportunity for Americans to implement what I call the security state. And that that's the opposite of Osama's original plan?
Speaker: None of that shit was what went according to his plan. He wanted to free the Americans yeah by doing a hijacking and show... By just doing a playful hijacking and showing people... show in New York. It was going to be the four planes circling all the buildings in New York. It was supposed to be a testament to human planning, freedom, and achievement. but This is what's possible. If you put your mind to it, you can play in startling new ways. yeah Americans, your freedom has gone to waste for about two so two centuries. Here's what it looks like when you really take freedom seriously. You're supposed to wake everyone up to knowing how much potential they had to get things done in this world. In an alternate universe, 9-11 is the day America became free, truly free, of all social bounds.
Speaker: um Everyone kind of gained a new sense of so of consciousness consciousness and confidence. Yeah. And they call it, ah like, Ascension Day or something like that. If Osama's plan went as it should have...
Speaker: Instead of implementing new TSA security measures, take off your shoes, x-rays, pat downs, and the like, we would and remove all security systems from everything, and we would remove pilots from airplanes. Every time people would board an airplane, you would just wait for one brave passenger to enter the cockpit and do whatever they like. Pilots would be a thing of the past. They are, right? Do we still have pilots? Unfortunately, yes.
Speaker: You've been on a plane before? Yeah, the pilots are even revered. You met the... You when you introduced yourself to the people in the cockpit? Yeah, they gave me a badge with wings on it. That's really nice. And they said that they said I'm a fly boy. I do that too. Every time I fly a plane, I introduce myself to the guys in the cockpit.
Speaker: Every time I'm on a plane, I start roaming the aisles and saying, would any little would any little boys or girls like to see the captain? And we have just reached cruising altitude. I'd just like to make a friendly announcement as one of the passengers that the captain is looking forward to meeting any children who are interested in flying.
Speaker: On 9-11, Obama was six five Then what? Mainly. I don't know how many pounds, if that's what you're asking. No, I just mean, like, what happened the next year. Still, I think. Or I don't know. Did he get him? Is he six five I think you was somewhere between six four and six six I do happen to know that one of, I think Bin Laden's dad, grandfather, or uncle was meeting with George H.W. Bush at like a shareholders meeting or financial conference on the morning of 9-11. George H.W. Bush and one of the Bin Laden patriarchs were in the same room during 9-11. That's kind of interesting. What do you guys think Bin Laden's like a brother was doing on 9-11?
Speaker: Probably just like massaging his shoulders, right? Like, you got this, bro. He has that rock and roller style, bro. That son. That's his son, man. Oh, yeah, yeah. His son was probably going, wah, wah, milk.
Speaker: They want milk. That rock and roller son is just pathetic. He's a loser. but Why? Why do you say that? Because he pursued his dreams? he did I mean, that's exactly what his father did. I guess so. But his dreams are so trite. Dad, I'm a lot like you. Izanatan Laden's dreams, ah at the very least, they weren't trite.
Speaker: he had He had ambition. his son His rocker son... i don't know. I saw like... Instagram, like whatever thing on my feed the other day, it was like his son posing in front of the Eiffel Tower with his like fiance or something.
Speaker: That's your tower, man. That's what you want to do. You want to just be near a tower. tower Yeah. Be near it with your love. have a normal relationship with towers and love. Knock it down.
Speaker: Knock it down if you're serious. Do you think that Osama was disappointed when the plane cut through the steel tower like a hot knife through butter, that there was so much energy behind the velocity of the ah large and heavy aircraft that was moving into a stationary heavy object that the towers did not knock over, as it were? They didn't tip over?
Speaker: Do you think that he was imagining that the tower would tip over with the thrust? I think he was imagining that it would bounce the plane back. Yeah. Back back to back to the airport. Back to the airport. ah I mean, yeah, you like hit something at like 100 miles an hour or whatever.
Speaker: It's going to bounce off and bounce back normally to where it came from. Have you ever thrown like a bouncy ball at your water wall when you're bored? The sad truth is when SEAL Team 6 unencrypted all of Osama's hard drives, he was mostly watching like Looney Tunes and other and other cartoons that had to do with physics-based gags.
Speaker: And it was clear based on his favorite episodes that he thought that the the planes would stick to the tower like Wile E. I. Coyote jumping Wile E. I. Coyote jumping onto a painted wall. Yeah, he thought all of the ah people jumping out of the tower wouldn't bounce out and or wouldn't fall unless they look down.
Speaker: he thought the jumpers wouldn't fall as long as they kept taking their steps forward and being blissfully unaware or he thought they would bounce back to the airport after hitting the ground I guess not being able to fall unless you look down doesn't really help you in that situation Because you can't walk all the way home like that, can you? Yeah, there's nowhere you can walk. You can walk to the other tower, I guess. I guess you could walk above a smaller building and have a... And then look down. And fall.
Speaker: And fall onto You'd still die, but you'd fall like maybe, what, 40 stories? You could probably walk to the Empire State Building from the Twin Towers and hit the spire. could walk to a mountain, right?
Speaker: It's a long walk to a mountain from the World Trade Center, Derek. Do you think you would starve midair? I think you'd at least like look down check your watch. There would just be a corpse in the air. If you don't look down while you're starving while you're passing away. if you're as long as you don't look down. Yeah, it would just rot there. Well, the vultures would have a field.
Speaker: The vultures wouldn't have to swoop down. They they can eat. They can eat while circling, which is a rare treat. very much Yeah, you you walk off the cliff, you don't look down, you keep walking until you die of a a panic attack or or starvation.
Speaker: Vultures just bite you on their way to work. They fighte they bite you on their way to bite ah a land-bound corpse. Yeah, it's like a drive-through. Yeah, yeah those but vultures would bite hard. Vultures... They bite. They bite. Let's just mess up here.
Speaker: i hate vs screws It's so disgusting what they do. We've talked about the perimeter around hospitals of yeah dead dead vultures. Yeah, right. That's one of our best Chamber of Reason bits.
Speaker: Yeah. vultures circle hospitals The vultures who circle hospitals and pass away because they hit their the windows they hits the windows so hard. and Yeah.
Speaker: It's more like around the hospice, but I guess people die in hospitals too. Do you think vultures would rather eat a child that's died of stress or um an old person who's died of diarrhea?
Speaker: oh That's like different kinds of meat. Yeah. Do vultures go for the quality of the meat or the quantity? Or the quantity? Yeah. Yeah, because an old person that died of diarrhea, there's definitely more meat there, but it's probably more foul.
Speaker: it's It's true that not everybody prefers veal. Veal is like a preference that a lot of people have. And some people say, oh, it's like a it's a better meat, but not everybody prefers it. Some some people prefer aged beef.
Speaker: And that would be the diarrhea old person. You guys think that there's a veal equivalent for can like what is the veal of candy? Nougat? You mean like an infant candy? A candy that like is unethical but extremely luxurious. It didn't quite develop. Oh, nougat is really unethical, right? They make they make that out of... um Hurt candy.
Speaker: yeah They harm young candies. Damaged candy. I think eating candy is always ethical. Yeah. Right. That's why they try to get kids to stop doing it. Right. Because it's pure.
Speaker: It's too ethical and pure. in i mean, if your kid was constantly like catching jumpers, which is ethical, you would try to stop them, right? Jumpers.
Speaker: Yeah. job Jumpers. Suicidal jumpers. Yeah. If your kid was always catching those guys. Yeah. It's dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. so And it's the same principle with eating candy.
Speaker: All of the best things in life are too dangerous. All the ethical things in life are dangerous. Right. Is there anything ethical that comes at no risk to the ethical? No. we wouldn't call it ethical then. Because it doesn't have any value. Yeah. It's just something you do because it's easy.
Speaker: Smiling at the poor. But that's cruel. Yeah. Yeah. Baring your teeth at the poor. But it is easy. Is it ethical to frown and shed tears when you look at someone who's suffering? Is that ethical?
Speaker: No. So there's nothing you can do with your face to someone who's suffering that is ethical. There's nothing you can do about the unfortunate that's ethical. Yes, there is. Helping them. You think helping them is ethical?
Speaker: Yeah. Materially helping the suffering is ethical. Giving them a gun. How is that? no not necessarily that. Well, you said material. Yeah. Materially helping meaning giving them any material. That increases their power on earth. If you give an unfortunate person a gun and you arm them, they are now better off. They are now more capable than they were before. And you're saying you would deprive them of that. You consider that unethical to help the unfortunate. a homeless man with a gun is in a better position than a rich man with gun.
Speaker: Who's defenseless. 100%. Especially if the gun is shooting the defenseless rich man. If it's already in the process of ah shooting a rich guy in the head. I mean, it's obvious which one of those guys I would choose to be. Are you defenseless if your brain has been blown out?
Speaker: Or would you say that you're rather well defended at that point? Are corpses well defended by their lack of soul? Why? Because there's nothing else you can do to them? Yeah. Killing yourself is rescuing your brain from from aggression. Can't catch me now.
Speaker: Or killing yourself is rescuing your soul? I would disagree that there's nothing you could do to them. I think after you shoot someone in the head and their brain's gone all over the walls, there's still a lot of things you could do to them that they would prefer to defend against.
Speaker: I don't think actually Oh, you mean to their memory or their legacy or to their corpse? I mean, suicides, I mean, not to generalize here, everyone's different, of course, but I think suicides tend to be probably the most precious people about their legacy and like what happens after they die. Not actually, because not many of them write suicide notes.
Speaker: Is that true? Yeah, I think only like 20% of suicides have notes. Hmm. Okay, I take it back. But you'd think it'd be more, right? you For me, the whole point of suicide is writing the note, writing in the damn note.
Speaker: I still think there's like a performative element, even if you don't write a note. Maybe even more so if you don't write a note. The mystique and mystery. i mean, it's like Andy Warhol was all about being like tight-lipped right and not explaining himself or whatever.
Speaker: But it's just like clearly like he's like a brand manager before that was as big but there was like mystique and mystery around when he killed himself did he like leave like clues he jumped off the um world trade center he didn't leave a clue but that itself was a clue he left behind like an arg or something yeah a youtube channel where you have to decode the messages in order to unlock the next video yeah to unlock it
Speaker: We like Andy Warhol, right? He um got head in a video, right? Or someone else did. Was that him getting head? That wasn't even him. He was just like in the same room. That's why he gets credit for it. He was around. He didn't even make that video.
Speaker: He just found it. found it somewhere and passed off as his own yeah i i wish he had died when he was shot that would have been cool but he certainly survived a shooting that's i mean it's crazy that we don't even talk about his art we only talk about the fact that he's a shooting survivor did you guys hear that thundering cat just now no i just heard heard lightning oh which doesn't even make a sound yeah a lot of people will correct you if you say you hear lightning i'll say you're what you heard is thunder What you heard is thunder, my friend. What you saw was lightning. But sometimes you can hear lightning.
Speaker: People say the same thing about smoke and fire. Oh, I smell fire. No, you smell smoke. Oh, you heard an ambulance? No, you didn't, buddy. You heard a siren. You heard an ambulance's siren. And you didn't even hear that.
Speaker: You just heard air. You heard air turbulating in response to the siren's disruptions. And i don't know. Arguably, you probably didn't even hear that. You didn't hear much. Let's just say that. Arguably.
Speaker: Arguably. Watch out. I'm about to argue with you about this. I like saying arguably because you don't have to make the argument. yeah Everything is arguably arguable. So may as well just believe it.
Speaker: May as well just believe whatever because there's an argument for it that could be argued. If I was a lawyer, I'd always be getting objected to for on the basis of my um of my questions being argumentative. I'd say something like, so, is it true that you didn't even know what was going on because you're extremely ah strange?
Speaker: Hey, that's argumentative. Hey, buddy. There were too many like clauses in that sentence. Just ask her if it's true that she didn't know what was going on. Yeah, just ask. why do you Just ask. these arguments Just talk to her, man. Yeah.
Speaker: Just be honest. you want Just ask questions, you know? Yeah, just you know just be interested. Ask her about herself. You have to be genuinely interested. Give her your undivided attention. Everyone likes to hear their name.
Speaker: Find out about who she is. Ask the witness her name. I promise. You're never going to be able to be cool with witnesses until you just accept yourself. Yeah, and you make them come first.
Speaker: Witness this. I'm going to neg my witness until I make her come. Witness this. ah The horny lawyer who fucks who fucks his witnesses.
Speaker: Isn't that what Breaking Bad is about? Break and call Saul. Oh, yeah. Isn't that what Liar Liar is about? Like, he's a lawyer, and he's fucking one of his clients, and then when she gets on the stand, he's like, how many times did make you come? You're under oath.
Speaker: Shit. Doesn't Jim Carrey do that to that woman? Who's turning me on, Derek? That sounds about right. While having a son named Max, huh? Come here, Max. Max.
Speaker: it's Like I'm inside the movie. Why is Jim Carrey obsessed with calling Max over? He's always bringing Max onto his lap or like near his knees. Hey, Max.
Speaker: How's it going, Max? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what organism the Max is. no it doesn't matter if it's a kid, a dog, fucking worm.
Speaker: As long as it's Max, it should be close to this guy's body. Yeah. Who's 6'5", by the way, I believe. How how old is Jim Carrey? He's 6'5".
Speaker: Max, look! It's the claw!
Speaker: Well, who else is he? Oh, Max is his dog in the Grinch, right? ma In the mask. In the mask? In the max? and the Where's my dog? Max! I'm the Grinch.
Speaker: it's Where's my Max? What Max? Your dog. The dog one. The dog one. and then he's in the movie The Max. I just have to get rid of this Max.
Speaker: Smoking. Come here, Max. Yeah. It's funny. Max. Arguably, yeah. Son of the Max.
Speaker: Son of the Max. That's when there's a little puppy. Does anyone really have a father named Max? No one has a father named The Max. The Max. Oh, my God. It's crazy. Max is short for Maximilian, right? Uh-huh.
Speaker: So all of these dogs and sons were really Maximilian? That's the behind the scenes trivia of Jim Carrey's world. His son is named Max in Liar Liar. Yeah, I was serious. his named I know, but I knew that you were serious, but I was like, I actually have to check. You were just yes anding it?
Speaker: No, I knew was true, but I have to check. It's also the name of the dog in Grinch. Matthew came up with this crazy idea. The son is named Max. You know what? Let's run with this. It's ah it's funny. Let's run with it. But it's also the dog. Did you guys remember that it's also his dog in The Grinch? That is something that I just... I didn't remember that, but when you said that, it i I understood it to be true. This is legit insane. This is the Jim Carrey Max theory.
Speaker: His ah wife in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind is also named Max. No. Yeah. She says it's like... um Yep. Think of it. It's like the fruit. You know that song? Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling.
Speaker: Max. it's funny to to switch to yes it's funny that way well I'm kind of like freaking out about the max theory I feel like we could do a whole a whole thing what else is there to say about it why don't we just try to say more about right now we should do a whole about episode we should do a whole maybe let's ditch this and later this week delete this recording delete this recording and later this week we can record a whole episode where we kind of segue to this idea of jim carrey having a lot of maxes in his movies by starting with like a question a bunch of unrelated shit yeah masturbating to something anodyne followed by question masturbating max masturbating and then a question about 9 11 and that will get us to max and then we just keep going with that max And that could actually, our listeners, our readership could actually get into that stuff for the people who read the transcripts.
Speaker: I think my favorite part of the Max theory is that, is calling the mask the Max. Yeah. I think that's my favorite riff that's been accomplished. I like the reverse, that he keeps accidentally calling his sons and his dogs masks. Mask. Mask.
Speaker: but but Mask. Come here. Because he's obsessed with masks. He loves to work with masks. He of has a mask-like face. i Yes.
Speaker: It's agile. It's true. he practice He used to practice in the mirror. He sort of has the opposite of a mask, really. hey His face moves. Jim Carrey is spiritual and makes paintings. And we and he's he can you can make fun of him if you want, right?
Speaker: Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we we could. He's spiritual and he likes paintings. He likes paintings. He likes them. I'm still researching the Max theory. Wow, he's in movie called All in Good Taste. ah Did you just type in Jim Carrey Max?
Speaker: No, I'm just searching his filmography, every Wikipedia page for movies in his filmography, searching the word mask or Max rather. Well, you might as well do both while you're there. I mean, his dog in the mask, unfortunately, is is named Milo.
Speaker: Which is short for Max, right? It's short for Max. yeah Maximilian. Milo is short for my little Max. Oh, his dog's name. But the the dog who plays his Max, the dog who plays Milo is named Max. Did you know that? All of the extras, all of the male extras in that movie are named Max. He had a, that was rider. Girls could called Max too. Maxine. Not really though, right? Maxine. Really? Yeah. ah You can name a girl Maxine. You can name a girl almost anything these days.
Speaker: I've never named a girl. How, how many girls have you guys named? ah I mean, I have so many girls in my life, but I i do everything but name them, pretty much.
Speaker: I interact with them in any other every other way. You won't even talk to them until they're named, right? By someone else, usually. You know when things are going really well with a girl, like that it's a serious love connection when you're like in the throes of passionate lovemaking. You're looking into each other's eyes. You're kissing, and she goes, Will you name me? Name me.
Speaker: ah Pick my name. Call me what you like from now on as long as it's just one thing that you decide right now. Give me a nickname. Yeah. i usually i usually just do baby or sweetie. Sweetie. ah Do you mind if I use one of these old names I use on girls?
Speaker: I'm just going to call you what my ex's name was for sheer convenience. Sweetie. Sweetheart. Honey. Pumpkin. Pumpkin pie. Most ex's are named Pumpkin. That's so crazy. So, okay, most Jim Carrey's guys are named Max and most of ex's... What? Okay, what?
Speaker: Huh? We're losing the thread here. Come on, guys. that's just find it. We got to get through all these Reddit questions. Okay, five more. I'll read three. You'll read three? Mm-hmm. How about this one?
Speaker: You want to read this, Derek? Well, you said you'd read it, but I'll read it. Okay, I'll read i'll read this three times. Would it be incest if two actors who are siblings played a couple?
Speaker: I'm just curious on what people think, since the matter seems to be settled when discussing that acting is a job, and therefore when an actor plays a role where there's a romantic relationship, it's not cheating.
Speaker: For example, I know it would not likely happen because of the backlash and how taboo it is in society, but would you guys consider it incest? I, comma personally, comma don't think it is and wouldn't judge the actors for it.
Speaker: I really like the way you read that. You almost did like a different voice. I have a different voice from you guys. Yeah, what the hell? It's not always going to be your voice that you're hearing. You did a different voice than you normally read things in.
Speaker: e I was stifling a ah burp, and I didn't fully succeed. One of my favorite parts of this question is, the matter seems to be settled as acting being just a job.
Speaker: I think it's a pretty good insight. It's not, It's actually not just a job. It's iss not just a job. It's a passion. I mean, the matter might be settled among like sort of the public. But there's still a debate raging on about whether or not it's just a job.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, I would consider it cheating, I think, if someone I was seeing like had sex... On camera? With an actor? On camera with an actor, yeah. And they just acted. Even if it was simulated? I acting like I was cheating. but How would you feel if you saw Jake Gyllenhaal playing a special agent and Maggie Gyllenhaal playing...
Speaker: his the special agent's secretary, unrelated characters, but they have a passionate love scene in the movie, Jake and Maggie, would you say, oh that's incest? Or would you say, wow, this special agent is fucking his secretary. That's taboo.
Speaker: Hmm. Yeah, what's more taboo? I guess I wouldn't... Yeah, I wouldn't consider incest. It's unsimulated sex, right? Why is it so weird when two siblings play...
Speaker: lovers that are unrelated, but it's so sexy when two actors who are unrelated play fucking siblings. i don't know.
Speaker: two I don't know, but... When two actors who have no idea who the other actor is, i mean, they might as well be from two different fucking planets. That's how unrelated they are, genetically speaking.
Speaker: When they start calling each other brother and sister on camera and really going at it, Why is that so sexy? I believe in like the reality of like what happens on the film set. I feel like something intimate does happen. and they talk Actors talk about this all the time. like When they have somebody ah who's playing their lover, you know you kind of have to believe in that love in order to properly perform. And I think if I was an actor...
Speaker: and I had a ah love scene with somebody, and I found out they didn't love me afterwards, I'd be crushed. Yeah. I'd go back to my trailer defeated. But I guess by the same token, if I had a scene where I was having sex with my sister, played by an actor, I would be pretty upset if I found out my sister didn't really think we were related.
Speaker: If your sister didn't think you were related? Yeah. um Oh, like she didn't buy the performance? It wasn't real to her. i don't know if I'm following. she was like i She was like, I'll just have sex with this guy.
Speaker: I'm basically adopted. We're not really related. Do you guys think that you could be you could direct? what What would be easier for you guys to direct as a director? A love scene between two actual siblings or a brother and sister scene between two lovers?
Speaker: Oh, the first would be easier and more enjoyable by a long shot. It'd be sexier. It'd be way sexier. And I think easier to do. i think you could definitely...
Speaker: coerce siblings into having sex pretty easily if you told them they're in a movie one time I with ah my girlfriend at the time um we had to be siblings in a play and the note that we kept getting was you guys have to stop acting like you're fucking and we were like but we're not like we couldn't understand why we were giving off that vibe And we never were able to solve that note.
Speaker: Really? Yeah. I guess we just decided to not stand so close to each other during the show. But I mean, I don't know. I don't have any siblings. So I don't know how how close are you guys supposed to stand to your siblings?
Speaker: Pretty close. Right? Right? I mean, i have siblings and I think, I don't know, what do you think? They're not in the room. yeah, stay well away. So what do you think?
Speaker: I'm not even close to them right now. We'll leave that one up to the listeners. Everybody, thanks for listening to Chamber of Reason. And be sure to write in with your own ah questions and thoughts and...
Speaker: ideas and we'll definitely get to them on the next episode yes that's right keep on or what how does it song it doesn't have a there it we don't have a song unfortunately matthew sorry there's never been one all right fair enough well let's just go tonight
