Nonsensical Nonsense 25

Transcript

Speaker: Okay, okay, I got you. This is about to get interesting. Now here you go again You say you want your freedom

Speaker: There's only right that you should play it the way you feel it But listen carefully to the sound Dreams of loneliness are like a heartbeat, drives you mad Oh stillness of remembering what you had

Speaker: And what you lost Yeah, what you had And what you lost Oh, and the thunder only happens when it's raining And players, they only love you when they're playing And I said, hey women

Speaker: When the rain washes you clean, you know You will know Now here I go, yeah, I see the crystal vision

Speaker: But have you any dreams you would like to sell? Dreams of loneliness are like a heartbeat drives you mad On stillness of remembering

Speaker: And what you lost Oh and the thunder only happens when it's raining And players, they only love you when they're playing And I say hey women, yeah they will come and they will go

Speaker: When the rain was set to clean, you know

Speaker: And players, they only love you when they're playing Now say hey women, your day will come and they will go Well the rain washes you clean

Speaker: to me

Speaker: Looking like a pregnant son bitch and the other people that actually get to see this and enjoy it are the ones that are watching us live So while he's doing that Yeah, go ahead. I'm gonna open up the door so I can get some air in here open up here crack and

Speaker: But anyways, welcome everybody. It's Saturday. You know what that means. Another episode of Nonsense School Nonsense. I'm your host Glick. Nice. And that was Jeff's wife. There's Jeff. He's coming back. My wife just jumped in front of the mirror. I know. And I was like, you just went on camera. And she's like, oh, damn. I'm just glad she was fully clothed. That's what I said. I said, it's a good thing you put your dress on. Yeah.

Speaker: She's rocking her her her uh little clueless uh yellow plaid dress tonight actually That that dress we we when we went to clothes shopping yesterday. Um, she bought A while back she got you know that company sheen or whatever it is Yeah, they they they actually had the clueless jacket and and skies and she bought it And the the you know, she got the biggest skirt they had but my wife's got a big old booty

Speaker: so it the skirt didn't fit and we saw that dress at uh the story yesterday i was like hey look at this and she was like oh hell yeah so and she tried it on she liked it so she got it and it was it was super cheap and then she found the skirt to match the jacket nice yeah so i get to live on my clueless fantasies because you know Alicia Silverstone's got the best legs in the business

Speaker: That's, that's not weird or anything, but okay. What's going on? Michael Jones reading about Jor Luke. Why'd you have to remind us from Monday? I walked in here to see what the noise was yesterday morning. Three groupers next door. I was exposing myself to fantastic. Did they enjoy the show or nah?

Speaker: Um, yeah, we kind of just, we're going to start the show completely derailed. I'm going to try to get this intro out. I'm not sure. Are you going to get on camera at all? Who me? Yeah. You, I don't, I am on camera. I don't see you at all. Yeah. I'm on camera. I've decided I'm no longer going to be on camera. No glory hole. Here we come. Oh, there you are. There you are. It was weird. I was just looking at a Brown's flag going. Okay.

Speaker: I was I've been sitting right here. Alright, I got to get this **** shared out. Nobody else will share it out for us. I'll share it out. Throw this Facebook live up here. Mark, what's going on, brother? What's up, sir? We all see him. Unfortunately, you're so lucky. I got my rally today. Michael Jones, you know, you know, you're touching yourself while you watch me right now. Anywho, let's let's let's try this again.

Speaker: What's going on, everybody? It's Saturday. Welcome to Nonsenseical Nonsense. I'm your host, Glick. Got my little buddy over there hanging out with me as always. Jeff in his rally towel. He's already sweating.

Speaker: Feel free to join us on Haps or Facebook Live at Nonsense School Nonsense. And while you're at it, go ahead and check out the Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube, all Nonsense School Nonsense. And if you're listening to the replay, you can find us on all your podcasting

Speaker: apps Google Play I found out that we are on Apple so nice go give us a listen on Apple and most importantly checks out on Spotify all my nonsense nonsense nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com yes Michael Johns we are on my space as well that is a lot to spit out

Speaker: Yeah, it is. I'm glad you do it because words are hard for me. Jesus Christ, I'm loud. I was going to say, did you get that sucked up to the sound bar? My neighbor just bought this Buick. It's like the Buick Enclave and stuff. That thing is huge. Yeah, those things are a monster. Holy crap, it's beautiful too.

Speaker: Finally got to see some of Buick rims. I used to work at a company called Excel buffing and polishing it and we actually used to polish aluminum rims and They were always called you have the Buick's and the Corvettes Rims I've seen and I'd never seen the Buick rims until today. I Know those rims are so fucking well. I probably polished those rims. I worked third shift for almost eight months 12 -hour shift third shift and

Speaker: Just sand down rims all day with a basically an air dremel I've heard that you could polish the chrome off of a research We were talking about polishing

Speaker: Have you seen that? That just reminds me of that movie. Fucking, uh, baseball. So I got all this hits. What are you doing next? And he's like, Oh, he's talking to all these double entendres. He's like, I just buffed your lobby and I don't know what else you want me to do. All of it.

Speaker: I think I've shared it. I think I think I've got all the shares out there. Mark is with us. What's up? My Haps isn't working. So, what'd you do to your Haps? What's happening, gentlemen? How do we do? Cheers, Mark. I'm already a period. Damn. Yeah. It crashed. Then I came back to Jeff saying, uh, yeah, I've polished. Jeff does do a, uh, the boys down at the bath house say that, uh, Jeff can polish a rim like nobody's business. Amen to that.

Speaker: You have no idea sir. I finally got my new fucking tripod. I love this thing already. Best six bucks ever spent. I don't know. I don't know why, but I'm super, I feel super important now that I have a tripod. I'm such a nerd. I would think you would, I would think, um,

Speaker: I don't know if we're on iHeartRadio or not.

Speaker: when we did our test on on Haps or I don't I'm pretty sure it was on Haps and I actually put it up on my YouTube channel and I got a notification like three days later saying Not the it was called the Glick Show and and ktKm's test or something like that and It said is now on I heart radio. So I'm a star

Speaker: Very well, could anywhere you anywhere you listen to podcasts that just Google us Google nonsensical nonsense, and we should be there. There's actually another nonsensical nonsense podcast, but they are terrible. And generally, if you just go to Google, or whatever, wherever you search your interwebs that can put in nonsensical nonsense, we're the first ones to pop up. Yeah, because we're awesome. Well, your email probably

Speaker: You're not as hate worthy as most I think this is his eight account eight account

Speaker: So, uh, yeah, I don't, what was some of your other accounts? Maybe we'll remember you. We don't generate a whole lot of hate, to be honest. I want to find that guy that called us that said we were the funniest white people on the internet. That was, uh, that was Wigga G, Willie G or something like that. Yeah. What, whatever happened to that dude? Oh, it's Michael Johns is Wigan. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah.

Speaker: I was popping around lives last night while I was editing and posting Wednesday's episode.

Speaker: Hey, how about that? I gotta I gotta post it before we went live again. But there was this guy and and it was like Friday night vibes. I was like, cool. Let's go see what this guy's doing. So, I popped it and he was like this Jesus freak just like. Oh, good lord. Just just

Speaker: just judging the hell out of everybody and and he was like he was getting on this one guy that was in there who I think was just a troll account and he was like have you ever stolen blah blah blah and the guy was like yeah no

Speaker: and he was like, have you ever looked at a woman lustfully? And the guy was like, I mean, yeah, who hasn't? And he's like, you've committed adultery and that's a sin according to the Bible. And I'm like, bro, your Pittsburgh Pirates hat sucks. Go Reds.

Speaker: He was like He was like he was like, I'm not really even a Pirates fan. I'm just I'm like, why are you so damn serious man? Like no, that's the problem with you. Jesus freaks man. Y 'all want to fucking criticize and and judge everybody you think you're better than than everybody news like I have with religion

Speaker: Yeah, any religion. I don't care what religion you pick it. Someone in there is judging everyone. Yeah. He was like, well, you must not know who who God is. And I was like, well, to be honest with you, I'm Norse pagan. So I do know who the all follower Odin is. So he was like, oh, and I was like, I'm out, deuces. His mind just exploded. Michael stole a Bible. Now the pages are stuck together.

Speaker: But I mean whatever get your rocks off buddy. We're not here to judge comes down to one thing if If you've ever read any version of the Bible it says one thing be accepting of your neighbor basically, I'm paraphrasing and Yet people in religions can't do that

Speaker: Well, when I first, when I first went in there, the guy was like, what's going on? Uh, non, non, non, nonsensical nonsense. What you got? What are you doing on Friday night? I said, well, smoking meth and punch and hookers got bored. So I figured I'd jump on halves. And he was like, he just looked at the camera very disappointingly. Mark Mark Mark says that, uh,

Speaker: Mark says I'm his only Lord and savior. All hail beer. Please click. Hey, that reminds me. Mark here. Mark, I got one for you. Check this. Nice. Everybody needs a hobby. Got my beer shirt. Michael doesn't use cocaine. Michael doesn't use cocaine. He just likes to smell it. So.

Speaker: So, we got ten minutes of bullshit. Roll it in. It's a Saturday night, man. I'm in a good mood. Um I'm feeling a little extra frog. Got your big beer glass out? Uh they got my big beer glass out. I'm going to fill it here in just a just just a second. I'm going to fill it up. I'm going to finish this. I'm going to finish this beer here that I'm drinking. We're going to get you drinking on that. We're going to get you drinking on one episode. You know what? I was talking to my wife about it. The one one of these one day, she said, do you want beer for the podcast? It is. It is empty right now.

Speaker: Yes, but I do want to buy cigars because I go through so many fucking cigarettes But I do I do but I won't drink to be I won't drink my statement I thought about it today and then I thought you know what? No matter what every day I have to get up at 6 o 'clock in the morning because of screaming the little children And a hangover is not a good thing with screaming children Well, you know what? I just heard you say

Speaker: Yeah Mike said I hate children even my own

Speaker: My wife and I decided we don't want to have children so next week. We're gonna tell the kids Mark what do you what are you gonna mark said? I'll have to send you a DM and show you mine What are you gonna show me mark? It's getting a little weird I'm down there brother

Speaker: I'm going to kill Jim. No, my son brought the big fan in and it's like I can hear it over the headphones and I'm like, Jesus, if I can hear it over Chris, I know Chris can hear it.

Speaker: Mark sent me a picture of his shirt that he has. He says, I drink on days that begin with T. Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow, Head's Day, Saturday, and Monday. The more you drink, the more you slur. So yeah, that makes sense. Amen to that, brother.

Speaker: Yeah. During getaway, man. I know I speaking of kids, my my son's birthday is tomorrow. So, we had a little birthday party for him today. Hence, the reason we're going a little bit later than normal but it's Saturday. I kind of like, you know, he is, he'll be eight tomorrow and we got one more birthday. Get a job. Right. We got one more birthday and then we're done until next year.

Speaker: And that's that's Parker. Parker turned seven in September. So I say I have minds. My kids turn six and eleven in August. They're literally more to two days and four years apart. Well, that's that's like me and my that's like me and my broster where we're one year, one one year, one week and one day apart. Yeah.

Speaker: So, but, uh, your parents were doing, uh, clearly we, we, we all took eighth grade class. Now my offspring are all boys. Thank God. Yeah. I got two girls and two boys. So I'm going to die if I had saluted others. Well, my, my oldest daughter, um, her, her, her best friend was at

Speaker: Is there some shit going on right outside my house? I'm gonna save. Are they coming for you? Not without a fight. Go get your gun, Johnny. Are they really gonna do that door -to -door vaccine shit? Yeah, they better not come to my door.

Speaker: I said, you know what? They do that. People are going to get shot. I'm going to come to the door ass naked with my tiny vector flopping around. Well, OK. Are you here for that? Orgy? Who's here for that? Did you bring your furry costume? We got extra. We're going to be like, we never mind. I'm like, no, no, come on. Come on in the morning. It's going to be fun.

Speaker: You got to bring your own mood though. Bring your own mood. Oh, I forgot to send you that picture. I forgot. Did you receive that picture? Did it send? Of the mugs? The picture of your gay orgy? No. No, the coffee mugs. Oh, yeah, I got that. Oh, my God. I saw that at Walmart and I was pissed. Mike said he's going to go get a prosthetic arm, fill it with blood and then go get his vaccine.

Speaker: You know what I don't want to know where the blood comes from Because I don't want to be guilty by association or an accessory to Any crime that you may or may not come I'm gonna get a prosthetic heart like 50 cents a gallon That's a weird thing to know yeah, you go to any butcher I

Speaker: You can just walk into a butcher and be like, hey, I got you some piggy butt. And he's like, yeah, here you go. Got a whole, got a whole. I can get it for you about tomorrow. You know, I got a 55 gallon drum of it. Put it right next to your 55 gallon drum of fake comp.

Speaker: As soon as you said 55 -gallon drum, I said, whoop, throw it in the truck. I got it right next to the other one. And what's in the other one? Never mind. Sir? Cheers, Mark. We need to talk. So what are you playing in later on? Nothing? No. If they do do door -to -door here, I plan on opening the door and be like, so do you guys know Kamala Harris? No?

Speaker: Do you know Joe? No. Who do you know? How do you get the job? I will literally just string it out for days. And every time they—I have the perfect answer or secondary question. You know, you answer a question with a question. If somebody asked me if I got the vaccine, I'm gonna ask them, when was the last time you had diarrhea?

Speaker: You're not Biden sexual I don't know what that means Any update on merch homework? I am in the process of working on some stickers And we are looking over teespring Yeah But yes, we are looking into March mark it is it is it is a slow process unfortunately

Speaker: the best way to actually create the merch on Teespring is on a laptop and between the two of us my laptop is dead and Chris has a laptop so I've

Speaker: Put it up to him plus he can probably design it better than I can anyways. Wow Excuse me, I didn't know that you were a bus driver and like to drive in reverse over top of people I was saying I literally just said and you heard me. I said it is in process unfortunately

Speaker: I do have to leave it up to chris. Although I I do have a couple of designs i'm gonna try to put together, but I have to have It's like I said, I have that like what seven inch screen Yeah, where well it's and you got to use your finger. It's yeah, it's a well Yes on my part. I was on vacation last week And then I came home went right back to work uh, so tomorrow

Speaker: I am planning on sitting around, watching TV, watching movies all day. So I will jump on Teespring tomorrow. But I went down to Pigeon Forge with my fiance. Well, my now fiance. She wasn't my fiance that I left. But Mark found his staples today. Never felt so awkward in my life.

Speaker: But Mark, I did order some stickers, or I'm in the process of ordering some stickers. We're working out some deals. No. Design. Oh, yeah. Designs. How do you say that? I really like. I like that one too. If you pick the symbol as two faces, it would be better.

Speaker: Well, I like that too. But the thing is, is it's a, it's a four by four. So it's not a big, it's not a big one. Um, I can ask her if she can put two faces on there. Um, I can also, the picture that I sent her is our profile picture on basically everything, the nonsensical nonsense that I did with the mic and the, and the headphones.

Speaker: But I got to go back on the app that I used to make that and edit it some so that she can, I think she puts it onto her computer and then prints it off. Like she can print images off. So I've got to delete the background and all that fun stuff.

Speaker: I think I can delete the gray off the background and all that jazz. But when we get the stickers, I'm going to sell them for $50 a piece and Jeff will get $2 because I'm going to tell Jeff I sold them for $4.

Speaker: and then 400 stickers, I'll get a microphone. Yeah. No, I figure if we sell the stickers, probably like two or three dollars will be just that. Yeah, a couple of bucks. I mean, yeah. Well, like I said, they also have stickers as well. Yeah. Try to try to try to.

Speaker: Yeah, I try to make my money back because the money for the stickers just coming out of my pocket. Yeah. So try to make my money back in a little bit of time. Which is why we're looking at Teespring so we don't, that's one of the reasons why I brought up Teespring because it doesn't cost us anything. Yeah. The cost is taken right out of it and any money we do make is after the pricing of, after the cost of the shirt that you order. And we don't have to have an inventory because we don't have any money for inventory.

Speaker: So, so, uh, long story short, knit this in the bud, uh, real quick. It didn't hurry. Yes, we are working on it tomorrow. I am. I might wind up FaceTiming Jeff. Wow. And I will jump on the laptop and, uh, and much like Joe Biden, not much like Joe Biden and little kids all diddle around on teespring.

Speaker: They got tons of shit on there. I mean, unfortunately, masks are no longer needed. So, but they did have masks. Yeah. Well, um, the, my friend that I'm getting the stickers from, uh, if you guys want to order shirts or mugged or whatever from her, feel free to, um, yeah, I'll see if I can get her information that her name's Keely. Um, but I don't know if we're going to do merge. Um,

Speaker: I might as well get money out of it. Exactly. Send us a buck. But, uh, um, but yeah, well, that's enough. That's enough. Uh, that's enough merch talk for now. Yeah. Feel free to DMS or, or, or. The point is it is coming long story short. Yeah.

Speaker: It is coming. Uh, the first million people to pay me $1 million, get a free copy of my book titled how I became a haps millionaire. Nice. I made a shit that said pants and I get a lot of come. I'll show you some love. We'll appreciate that Mark, but you know, you don't have to do that. But, um, uh, yeah, March was coming.

Speaker: I've more gotta get past my goofiness about asking people to buy our silly shit and put money in my pocket. It sounds like a weird concept when you say it.

Speaker: Mm -hmm what that you were basically gonna be asking people for money for something that we made Yeah, because that well that one thing that I that one thing that I sent you the words are hard Right design. I would like to put that on a shirt. I think it's pretty cool. I do like that I actually Tried to make that on to the one of the teespring shirts, but I have to cut it into a sticker

Speaker: Or else it's just a square with the background. I've got to figure out how to take the background off on my phone. But I know you can and make it a part where it'll say it'll have the two beer mugs and say nonsense when it says words are hard on the front, breast pocket kind of thing, and then on the back, squirrel, you know.

Speaker: Yeah. What are the, I would say going to do a squirrel going diagonal hashtag. We'll figure it out. Nothing like, yeah, Mike. Yeah. Yeah. Mike, you're not wrong. But, uh, he said you're not a modern day panhandler. Like the rest of the, it's on social media. No, that's not what, unfortunately, unfortunately for us, that's not what we're about.

Speaker: That's true, unfortunately, for us. As dumb as it sounds, it's not something that we first thought of. We just first thought of, this will be fucking awesome to just sit here and shoot the shit every day, every two days. Just whatever. Yeah, every couple days a week. Mark said,

Speaker: Mark said, take my goddamn money. Exactly. And people like Mark, thank you, Mark. Mark said, what, my English pennies? Reminds us that we actually need to get off our ass. Mark said, what, my English pennies aren't good enough for you? It is, sir. It is. Oh, but Mike said, at least for Canadian loonies.

Speaker: at least work or something for us. Open bobs. Work for it. Well, I mean, whatever. The hamster died that was spinning the wheel inside my head. The lights are on, but nobody's open, folks.

Speaker: You know what song stuck in my head is that every light of the house is on. It's the back yard's brightest back break of dawn. The front yard looks like runway lights. Yeah. It's kind of like noon at the dead of night. That song has been stuck in my head and I haven't had time to actually put it on to get it out of my head.

Speaker: You know, it's funny when I would give you money if I was blind to death. Well, go stick forks in your eyes and Saturn iron in your ears. Yeah. And then give us your money, Michael. Give me your money. Who's going to take deep picks again? Not me. You're kidding. I can't zoom enough. Mike said, all right, I'll be right back.

Speaker: You know, it's funny about that. What's funny about that song? I can only find a I can't find a fork. Okay. Spoons will work. Yeah. Spoons will work. No, what you need to do is get a melon baller. You can take a spoon of their scoop it right out.

Speaker: Is it ironic? Kind of like... I love that song man. That and the one hand in my pocket. I got one hand in my pocket and the other one's giving a high five. Selena's more sad now.

Speaker: I remember in the 90s, one of the radio stations had a contest that you call in, and if you gave all the, what the other hand was doing, answers, because it's high five piece sign, flicking a cigarette. I don't know, there's like five things. You would win concert tickets to go see the Alanis Morissette, and I was like, I'll just go buy the concert tickets, because I can't remember.

Speaker: bring out the big cup. Oh, is that what that was? Yeah. They're bringing the dinner pill. I'll bring it out in the big. Well, you can't fucking see me. So you can't see that I pulled out the big dicks glass. Yeah. Dick's last resort put me up. You and fun since 1985. Nice. I was I was trying to describe the restaurant to my oldest daughter's boyfriend because he were friends on Snapchat. Right.

Speaker: because I, oh shit, I should post those on our Facebook page. But when you go there, they make these hats and they all have different sayings on it. They look like paper chef's hats. Yeah. They're like from, from gratitude. Yeah. They're like paper chef, two, two Caucasians, one cup, pretty much Mike. Um, watch the for you. Um, but, uh,

Speaker: So they put cups on or they put the hats on all of us and like my middle daughters her said I gave the football team mono My oldest daughter was like that's my oldest daughters said Which is funny for my middle daughter considering but uh

Speaker: my oldest daughter, her said, uh, I stock boys on Snapchat. And then cash had one that said, uh, cash had one that said, I, I scratched my butt with spoons and Parker's hat said, hi, my name is. Um, summers, summers and yours was, was kind of fucked up. The summer said, uh, I've swallowed more semen than Moby Dick. Yeah.

Speaker: and then mine which could not have been any truer considering I was sitting at the table with all four of my kids uh said my couch pulls out but I don't It only only three of my kids are my fuck trophies. I've only got three fuck trophies I didn't make I didn't make the other one but he's my son so yeah well well I uh I saw have you seen that picture online this woman she's given birth to like 35 kids

Speaker: So it's a picture of the entire family and that's like fucking bought that that'd be like throwing a fucking Mack truck into a cave Well, it's the the funny thing is the meme says it's called a vagina not revolving door A long time ago

Speaker: uh, we were, uh, coming out of, I don't know, Walmart or some shit. And you know how people, uh, um, you know how people will put like their stick family figures on their, um, on their car. Oh yeah. On their car. Yeah. And there was this car and it was like mom and dad and there was like 10 fucking kids. For whatever reason I had posted notes and tape in my car.

Speaker: So I at the end of it, I was like, I was like, buy some fucking condoms and tape it on their car. I used to my grandmother, she has eight kids, you know, so I have seven uncles and aunts. Plus, they adopted like four foster kids. And I used to tell my grandmother all the time, I said, didn't you guys have a fucking TV? What the fuck? Yeah, right.

Speaker: Oh, Seinfeld reruns, Brown. Seinfeld reruns.

Speaker: If I would have been a little bit more patient, Mike said, I believe you did that. And how, what do you mean, how did I get arrested? But if I would have had more time, I probably would have just went inside and bought condoms and waited until they come out and thrown them at them. They're like, here you go, bro. You will need these. You're gonna duck back, children. You ever see the movie, what's the movie, The Life of Brian, not Life of Brian, the Monty Python's Secrets of Life or something like that?

Speaker: Probably a long time ago and and they the dad comes home and one of the skits in it and he says and he's got like 45 50 kids and they're like How come I have so my brothers and sisters and he sings the song Because every seat should not be wasted Every seat is precious or something like it. Oh my god every time I see that movie I die laughing and

Speaker: Mike Mike said I just watched a movie called Tropic Thunder and now I now have a new favorite black actor. I forgot his name This is why you are on your eighth account Mike I don't really like the movie. I think it's stupid but You I can look at Robert Downey jr. In that and go

Speaker: There's no way in the hell that's Robert Downey Jr. Oh, yeah. No, it doesn't look like him. Yeah. No, it really doesn't mean not everybody's going to get you can totally call it out. You're like fucking Tom Cruise. Oh, but RDJ, you're just like, no, that's not our day, isn't it? No. And you wait for the fucking credits going, fuck it is. Yeah. He regrets it.

Speaker: Again, not everybody's going to get your sense of humor, Mike. You know, we appreciate it. We're not going to, we're not going to bust your balls. We're just going to run with it and have fun with it. You said you're the only guiltless whites on here. I have zero guilt. Do you know where I am? Entertainment. I wasn't around back then. Yes.

Speaker: I have never personally done anything to anybody. So I'm not going to feel bad. I can't, I can't fix it. The moment, the moment somebody starts to feel bad for what happened to my people, maybe I'll start to feel bad for other people, but nobody cares what happens to my people. So, you know, screw it. And I'm not talking about white people. What was it Joe Pesci said in Lethal Weapon 3? German Jews didn't have it any easier.

Speaker: Mark is here all the time. You need to comment more, Mark, and make sure you remind us who you are. We're going to we're going to get Mark on here live with this one time. Yeah, we need to have Mark on here. Mark's been around for so long. Like he's he's he's been at the different phases of my I don't know what the fuck you want to call it. He's he's been there. I think he was there for Vape and Chill. He was there for the Glick Show. Now he's here for this.

Speaker: Mark said 3 a .m. Entertainment at its best. I fucking love Mark.

Speaker: No, no, no, no, no. Mark, man, there's only one Mark. If another Mark comes in here, if another Mark comes in here, we'll cast him down and cut his head off like his Highlander and be like, there can be only one. But no, what I was saying about dicks, I was, I was trying to explain it to my girlfriend's boyfriend and he was like, what is boyfriend?

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Not my girlfriend's boyfriend. Not my girlfriend's boyfriend. Why am I going to get in trouble? She is. She's the one with the boyfriend. That's true. I did just say. Your girlfriend's boyfriend or anyway. Like leave my bitch alone with luck. My daughter's boyfriend. Yeah. Mark has never missed a single. Yeah. Mark's here every, every, every show. Sorry. And you have to, and you also have to remember.

Speaker: You also have to remember he's over in England. So he's like five hours, six hours ahead of us. He's lying in bed, stroking it and going, these guys are so funny. Don't judge him. Mark's been with me for four or five years. That's awesome, Mark.

Speaker: If you really love me, you'd let me cheat. I've had him longer though, Mark. I've had him longer. Okay, don't move. Here we go. That's what my wife said. Well, before we went live, my wife was a new change. And my wife had told me last Wednesday, you'd rather spend time with Chris and me. And then she just said, well, I guess you haven't known him longer.

Speaker: I'm gonna go ahead and see my way out of this conversation but so so I was because he was like what what do you guys have on your heads and I was telling you I was like trying to explain the restaurant and

Speaker: I was like, you know, the waiters and stuff like that. They're rude. That's their job. They're rude. They come over and they. I've seen videos on YouTube. Yeah. I was like, they fuck with you. They fuck with you. Something else. And and he was like, well, that don't sound fun. And I was like, dude, it's awesome. I was like, just like if you ask for napkins, they just grab a giant handful and throw them at your table and they do the same thing with straws like because they don't bring you straws, which seriously want to find a Karen to take there.

Speaker: one of those Karen chicks and not tell her what's going to happen and just watch him fucking explode and be like, oh, this is about to get good. Yeah. But he was like, he was like, that just doesn't sound like it would be fun to go to. He's like, that sounds mean. And I was like, listen, when you explain it, it sounds unappeared, but you're like, no, that's the point.

Speaker: I was like, it's hilarious. So I told him the name of the restaurant and I said, go look it up on YouTube. So then a few minutes later, he messaged me back and he's like, Oh, I want to go. I was like, yeah, exactly. I was like, it's awesome, huh? Now this is the boyfriend that you, you've told whatever you do to her, I'm going to do to you, right? This, this is the boy. Yeah. This is the boyfriend that I told that whatever he does to her, I'm going to do to her or do to him, do to her, do to him. I also, yeah.

Speaker: I also walked into my ex -wife's house and they were sitting on the couch together and he didn't have a shirt on and I was like, where the fuck is your shirt? And for whatever reason, I don't know why I don't ask a lot of questions when it comes to my ex -wife and her boyfriend in their house or anything, but there was a buoy knife. There was a buoy knife sitting on the table, the living room table. So I picked it up and I was like, I was like, you ever seen a deer field dressed? And he was like, no. And one of their friends,

Speaker: one of their friends was there. He was like, Oh, Chris, come on. And I was like, I was like, do you want to know what they do when they feel dressed a deer? And he was like, her boyfriend was like, I mean, yeah, I guess. And I was like, basically they stick the knife in right under their, their jaw and they rip it all the way down and open up, open up the insides from stem to sternum. Yeah. Well, yeah, depending upon how you do it, you can do it either way.

Speaker: I was like in that ripping open, they pull all the guts and everything out and he was like, that's gross. And I was like, why you want to wear the shirt off? Yeah. I was like, why you in here with the shirt off on the couch with my daughter?

Speaker: And then their friend, he was like, he's done that a lot, just so you know. And then he jumped up and he was like, he like slid over to the other side of the cab. He's like, I'm going to go. No, he's a good kid. I do like him a lot. I fuck with him, but I like him a lot.

Speaker: When Summer and I got engaged, she Snapchatted me and he was like, congratulations. I'm so happy for you guys. You know, he hasn't met Summer. He's like, can't wait to meet Summer. Austin's told me so much about her about, you know, this, that and other things. And he's like, Austin and I are next. And I was like, whoa, calm down there. I was like, I was like, first of all, let's get out of high school and figure out what y 'all are going to do after high school. I was like, let's salary going first. Yeah. He was like, yeah, yeah. That's what I mean. Like,

Speaker: You know, not like tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, not tomorrow, buddy. Like, I like you. Not for the after either, motherfucker. I like you, but you ain't that cool. Yeah, but calm down. You better go move down there with Uncle Jeff. Because nobody's gonna find you. Austin, you have to go live with Uncle Jeff.

Speaker: I don't even know him. Don't worry about it. That's right. Mike said, never cheat with a better looking girl than your wife. The uglier she is, the easier she will forgive you. Fair enough. Or, or just don't, don't cheat at all. Just don't cheat at all. Exactly. Jeff, look her in the eyes and be like, damn right. I do. He's my replacement for one for you one day. That's what Mark said about to tell your life about me.

Speaker: I swear to God, if you ever leave me, it's gonna be for Chris. I fucking know it. And I was like, what? You know it's not that kind of party, right? Yeah, it's summer and I are gonna be at the house one day. There's gonna be a knock on the door and it's gonna be you and you're gonna be like, I left it.

Speaker: Let's make it real, dude. My wife said, she's like, I swear to God, if you ever leave me, it's going to be for Chris. I said, what the fuck are you talking about? She's like, I just listened to episode 14. I was like, I get it. Mike said, you obviously didn't listen very well because it's not Chris, I'm after. Mike said, Mike said she'll never be half the woman I am.

Speaker: You're going to show up at the door with a rose playing wham. I have something I have to confess to you. Stevie's going to come out and kick your ass. Baby, don't hurt me.

Speaker: never gonna give you love we went two totally different directions i went i went culture club watching you from from uh who sings that the every breath you take oh let's sing yeah let's sing yeah they're stalking you

Speaker: culture club boy george do you really want to hear me oh my god who is the actor that sings the song on wedding singer is that actually boy george no that's uh that's patricia is it is it no it's a dude no it's it's not a dude it was a dude

Speaker: Actually, have you ever seen a Stephen King yet? Yeah, that is David Arquette's Broaster No, Patricia Arquette No, not Patricia Arquette Alexis Arquette that is David and Patricia Arquette the best Patricia Arquette movie is Stigmata She's so fucking sexy in that movie Which is weird to say because that movie's really weird but Alexa Is it really?

Speaker: Patricia and David Arquette's Broaster. Oh, well, there you go. Yeah. Every time I see that movie, I'm like, is that actually Boy George? Mark, I appreciate that. Mark said I have to be real with you guys. This is the funniest first hour yet.

Speaker: You know, we're working on it. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. I need to. I was in a good mood today, man. Like I came home and Jeff knows I had I had free show music going in the background. I was singing and God and and Jeff was crying because it was too loud.

Speaker: I said if it's too loud, you're too old. Yeah. Well, you could've just shut the **** up and enjoyed the **** party music, man. No, Mike. Mike was in a good mood until now. Mike was in a good mood until now. Well, I'm sorry we ruined your mood. Have you gouged your eyeballs out and stuck some of your nails in your area? Mark, our Mike wants to know what

Speaker: I have a broaster. My broaster is my brother who used to be my sister. My sister transitioned into, from my sister to my brother. So female to male transgender, something like that. We need to have him on there. Yeah, we really don't. Interesting. I've never met a broaster, so I don't know. Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker: Mike said, Mike said, please just don't tell me any more about this. Well, the, the, the broaster thing came up, uh, years ago on Periscope and I'm sure Mark was there for it. Uh, he came into my Periscope and I was like, and started commenting. I was like, Oh, there's my sister. And he was like, Oh, brother. And I'm like, Oh, my bad. Broaster. And it was like, it was like, I was just drunk and being a smart ass.

Speaker: I don't know. I don't know if he listens to this or not.

Speaker: And then it stuck. And it was never meant to be a mean thing. No, it's just it's like a term of affection. Well, yeah. And he likes it. He doesn't bother him. At least he's never told me it bothers him. So it sticks. First, my brother who used to be my sister, my brother who used to be my sister, a burster. I cannot believe I'm drinking beer out of this big ass fucking cup. I feel I feel fancy.

Speaker: When he came out as transitioning, how did he bring it up? I don't fucking remember. I remember the exact minute my brother told me he was gay. My older brother told me he was gay. Not the one that wrecked the bike. They're both my half brothers. Was it before or after you polished his room?

Speaker: The funny thing is is if you if if if you ever see my brother This guy can literally walking across a parking lot half a mile away and you'd be like, yeah that dude's gay Yeah, and and he he says Jeff. Uh, can I talk to you? I'm like sure he says in the other room I'm like, all right, so we go in the living room. We're sitting there by ourselves He says I have to tell you I said, okay

Speaker: I'm gay. I said, uh -huh. What else? Really? I was like, dude, I get it. You know, I'm sure I knew before you did, but, but it was, you know, I was like, look, here's the deal. You're my brother. I still love you. Nothing's changed. It's just, there's more pussy for me. Well, and that's the thing because, because my broster, when, when he was a she, she was lesbian. Okay. That was gonna be my next question. Yeah. So I didn't.

Speaker: What does she, he go after? Um, so, and I didn't care about that. And then all of a sudden he, she was going to become a he and I'm like, I don't really give a rat's ass if it makes you happy. I don't care. But, but he, before the transition, he got married to his, to his wife.

Speaker: So our biggest question to his wife now is, are you a lesbian? Or are you straight now? How does this work? And that's not us being a dick. That's just us going, I don't get it. Yeah, no. Yeah, exactly. That's not being an asshole. I mean, and I have that exact same question for every transgendered person that's dating the same or opposite sex. Okay, who's pitching, who's catching?

Speaker: And it's one of the first questions I asked my brother. I was like, so who's pitching his guy? He's like, why would you? Why? Why would you? Why would you ask that question? Because I'm weird. I don't want to know any of that. Like one of my one of my very good friends, he he he he he he used to. He's a goofy looking dude. I was going to say they used to blow you a lot. Calm down. You know, once in a while.

Speaker: I mean like three or four times. I don't know, we were drinking. But, you know, things happened. Like a night you wake up going, what happened?

Speaker: Why is my pecker in your mouth? I had the weirdest dream that I was cross -country skiing. It's only gay if you come. What I don't understand is the feminist women who hate men yet insist on looking exactly like them. I don't understand it either. But at least his pictures are straight. At least your pictures are straight, unlike Hugh's, says Mark.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. But, um, no, so, so he, this dude used to date and bank some of the hottest fucking chicks, right? And we worked together down in South Carolina. And then when I left my job and went to work for a working and whatnot, we, we kind of sort of stayed in touch through Facebook and stuff like that. Well, we were really good friends. And then, uh, one day we ended up creating our phones and he was working at Tia mobile and, and he had already come out by then and he was,

Speaker: and I got to talking and we went outside and bullshit and stuff like that. They were doing all the, you know, how long it takes to get a new phone and all that jazz. And he was like, dude, it was so hard for me to come out. And I was like, why? I knew it the day I met you. And he was like, what? I was like, I knew her in day one, even though you're bringing all those hot chicks all the time. My gaydar, my gaydar is for a straight man. My gaydar is stupid on point.

Speaker: right and like right now I have to bite my tongue in a certain situation because somebody in in in my life is is gay, but has not Surprise episode 25 Jeff. This is your coming out episode Apparently Jesus No, come to your site somebody in your somebody in your personal life is is yes not about you Know not come out yet, but I know

Speaker: Well, at least you have an inkling because you could be wrong. I'm not saying your data is 100 % right, but it could be. No, I'm right. No, trust me. I'm right. I'm 100 % right in this situation. And I've known for a long time. Come on, dude. Let me see. No, it's not a he's a she first of all. It's a she. Yeah. Okay. But, and they're in a relationship just, they haven't told me yet. I see.

Speaker: They don't know how I'm going to react to it, which they should know. But certain people in my life have painted me as a homophobic, racist piece of shit, and I'm not. I don't get the whole homophobic thing. I mean, if one of the things my brother used to complain about, he's like, I can't have any pictures of you around here. I'm like, why? He's like, oh, my gay friends think you're hot. I'm like, well, your gay friends are blind.

Speaker: Fucking glasses number one number two there. What's up? There they are Mike said I knew a guy that was normal on Friday I don't know why he has to be normal And then came out of the closet on the weekend and started talking with the guy with the accent on Monday Huh? It was shocking to me

Speaker: Mike is only gay when he's black out. I don't know who had the accent, but apparently Mike's only gay with himself when he's black out drunk. And then he feels shame. He stands in the mirror and plays with his nipples. He's Buffalo Bill. He's Buffalo Bill and fucking. Would you fuck me? Oh, he had a gay. He came out. He came out on the weekend and then started talking with a gay accent on Monday. Oh, OK. Would you fuck me? One hell of a weekend.

Speaker: happy ass out of Vegas. That's the story we need to hear. What happened on that? Jeff's going to come back Wednesday and be like, Yas, Queens. Hello, everybody. Oh, my God. Let me tell you. Every time I hear that saying Yas, Queen, have you, you've seen Brooklyn Nine -Nine, right? Yeah, a few shows here and there. Okay. There's an episode where Rosa is going to jail.

Speaker: I don't know who else she is. I don't know who else she is. She's one of the detectives. Her and Andy Samborg's characters are going to jail. And she drives a motorcycle. And she asks Terry's crew, will you drive my motorcycle around so the oils keep it lubricated and all that stuff. And he goes to the captain who is very gay and very openly gay. Yeah.

Speaker: And he says, uh, he says, sir, uh, you need to take Rose's motorcycle. He's like, no, he says, he says, are you saying that my life when I have kids is less important than your life? And he said, looks at him and goes, Yas queen. Every time somebody says Yas queen, I think of that scene and I'm like, Oh yes, that cracks me up. That show is hilarious. Yeah.

Speaker: I'm sorry. I wish you could see the comments. This is why you need to go to the laptop. Oh god. Here they come again Mike said what do you call a gay dinosaur? Oh shit. I lick a lot of puss. Nope. Oh a gay dinosaur. Oh, sorry. That's a lesbian dinosaur. My bad Or it's a click dinosaur. Yeah Say if I was a dinosaur, that's what I would be

Speaker: If you were a dinosaur, you'd eat a lot of codices. That doesn't even make sense. You're so salty. You silly guy. What do you call a gay dinosaur? A dinosaur ass. Nice. Nice.

Speaker: Have you seen that TikTok video of the Jurassic Park dinosaur and they put that like the T -Rex from the original Jurassic Park, you know what he like comes up and he's getting ready to fuck up all the Jeeps and he's like, well, they they they dubbed in the when he there's like the Jurassic Park music playing in the background and the T -Rex comes up and he gets ready to do his big roar and it's like, yeah.

Speaker: No, the funniest tiktok. I'm I'm trying to figure out how to do it that I'm actually working on a way. I want to do the video. You know, it's a little person. He opens a door and he says, if I charge a carjack you right now, what would you do? And I want to do I want to get some like G .I. Joe men and just kind of knock them off my seat. But yeah, but but I don't want to be canceled. You know, yeah, it's over that. But but you're a little person.

Speaker: those dudes is like three foot oh jesus oh this guy's three foot like he opens up the door and his head is below the window you're three he's three foot and you're three six calm down yeah well six inches man that's very you remember uh you remember uh josee from kid rock that little yeah thanks a lot

Speaker: three foot tall with a 10 foot. Not you. Not you. Not you. I'm just, that just, no. Calm down. You would know, sir. You would know. I wouldn't know. I would know. I'm never sunbathing naked with you again on the beaches of Cancun. Oh, call back.

Speaker: reach around from earlier unfortunately that part was not done live okay so I have a story that I have to tell you a small story a small story that involves it's it's kind of goes in hand with dicks okay so hours later

Speaker: Yeah, well exactly. Oh well, Mike is excited. You said a story about this. I'm trying to say this without sounding super, super gay. Just sound super gay. We've done worse on this show. When you do a sport, when you get done, you fucking shower. Yeah, he took advanced gym. Well, I was on the wrestling team. And of course,

Speaker: Tell the truth with ringworm and all that shit. You need to shower after practice, right? Tell the truth and about the rest of the team No, i'm telling you you you watch the job on this guy on He I think he was he was four or five weight classes ahead of me He he had to be I think he was your height. He was a big guy Yeah, you know, he was you know muscular whatever but uh

Speaker: Okay, when you go into the guy's shower, what do you just say at the fucking ceiling, right? But one of the guys on on the wrestling team, his dick did like a 90 degree right angle, right?

Speaker: Somebody wasn't staring at the ceiling when he was in the shower with the other dudes. No, what's funny was is one of the seniors, when I was a freshman, one of the seniors walks into the shower and he bends down like this and goes, what is wrong with your dick? Screams it out in front of God and everybody.

Speaker: embarrassing the shit out of this guy. The funniest thing I've ever seen to the point where I was like, I'm done in the shower. I'm out. Shower at home from now on because he's making fun of that dude. I mean, but with his 90 90 degree bent. Yeah. This dude had his dick literally turned towards the right or left. But was it was it was it a big day? I don't know.

Speaker: I mean, I never got a good look. I never wanted to take a look. You got a good enough look to know that it been at a 90 degree angle. You can tell us if it was a big dick or a small dick. My memory's not that good.

Speaker: This dude bent down to get eye level with dude's dick. So basically what you're trying to tell us, because you won't answer my question, is that you gobbled that 90 degree turn. I came around the corner. Yeah. You drifted. You did a Tokyo drift on that thing.

Speaker: The funny thing is I'm friends with said dude on fake fucking Facebook You know because you know went to school together and stuff but but this dude literally bends down and and He's got to be what six seven eight eight inches from dudes dick and

Speaker: What is wrong with your dick? Just fucking... I was like, holy shit. Well, speaking of... That takes some nuts to do that in a room full of naked men.

Speaker: Well, Mike says it's too late. When you said you didn't want to tell your story and sound gay, he said it's too late. You can't tell that story and not sound gay. Well, Mike said that it's too late. You almost have the accent. He also said, wow, that's gay.

Speaker: Mark Mark said uh oh he's he's uh so advanced but um do you remember and I can't remember if if we had the same lunch period do you remember the kid the guy that we went to high school with at the Career Center I believe he was in drafting and he he would tell the story about his jacob's ladder you know what the jacob's ladder piercing is on your peckers right

Speaker: Yeah, I know what that is. But I don't think you and I had the same lunch period because I remember me and a couple of other guys took entrepreneurship. Okay, yeah, because I know Casey was there, and he might have been there, and a few other guys. Because I always sat with the two girls from Secretarial because I thought they were hot.

Speaker: Yeah, well I was banging one of them, but anyways I always sat with them By banging one of them you mean you were you were one of the I was tapping on the shoulder as opposed to you know You were you were one of the OGs in the pegging group

Speaker: She was like, Jeff, Jeff, I have this new dildo. I want to see what it feels like to know. The thing is like the the only people in my lunch period. I mean, I went to grade school with these guys, so I was like, I don't know if I can hang out with these these guys. I mean, they're cool and all, but it's like, but if like if you and I had been in the same lunch period, I've been sitting with you guys where the guys I was in lunch with, I was like, oh, fuck them. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, I mean, there was a couple of us from building trades. There was a few of us from carpentry and then a horticulture course, you know, I had a couple.

Speaker: friends from horticulture that that sat with female. They were literally just friends. And then some of the cause hose would sit at our table. But there was this guy and I think he was in engineering and he used to brag about all the time. I think he was a year ahead of us. He would always brag and talk about his Jacob's ladder. And for those of you who don't know what a Jacob's ladder is, it's a piercing on your penis. It's eight piercings. Yeah. Or that go. Well, it depends on how you. As small as for.

Speaker: Yeah. Well, hello fiance. How you doing pretty girl? Yeah. So, so you generally it's, it's four piercings. It's four piercings. Um, she said, hi fiance and Jeff.

Speaker: No, that's not a Prince Albert. Prince Albert is still there. I think the Prince Albert is. Yeah, it's the tip of your fingers. The Prince Albert is actually through the hole. I've been piercing for like four years. Yeah. So the Jacob's Ladder, you got four horizontal and four vertical piercings. Yeah. So this guy would talk about his Jacob's Ladder all. Yeah. He would talk about his Jacob's Ladder all the time.

Speaker: And we're like, dude, shut up. You don't have a Jacob's letter. Calm the fuck down. You know, blah, blah, blah. And then one day we were all sitting at lunch and he and he brought it up. He was like, I was banging this chick and we're like, oh, what was his name? And he was how much how much she loved it. It was like, dude, first of all, you're a little fucking pecker. You couldn't get eight piercings in it if you tried. He was like, oh, yeah. Some bitch stood up and he just flosses this fucking elephant's trunk out on the goddamn lunch table.

Speaker: every one of us just got out and we're just like, yeah, we're done. We're done. We're done. You can't even sit here with us anymore. You fucking weirdo. I think we were all just jealous, but if everybody else wasn't here, I'd be good.

Speaker: Impressed. The girls all stayed. We all laughed. Just like, you whores! Do you remember? Do you remember you and I going to get our fucking hair dyed? Yeah. We both got frosted. We went and skipped an entire fucking class.

Speaker: And got away with it. We didn't get in trouble. That's what blew my nose. That was what we weren't going to get in trouble with it because we volunteered to get our to go down to cosmetology. This podcast has changed. Yeah, we both got our tips frost. No, they dyed our whole heads. Then you know, they died. No, they died. I didn't like they didn't like your hair. She didn't like your hair fully blonde. So she she changed. She dyed your hair.

Speaker: Because you were dating a chick that we went it was in a cosmo program at some other school. Yeah And she she dyed your hair black and left the tips Well, my hair is naturally dark dark brown, but yeah, yeah, yeah my head because I had that bowl cut thing Yeah, mike, uh, you're not wrong. That's that's something that that will is burned into my head for the rest of my life because

Speaker: Summer said we call her Satan. The girl that I was dating that you were talking about is like Voldemort. I think they said in Harry Potter, he whose name we don't speak of. He who shall not be named.

Speaker: Mike said, oh, yeah, I remember you stole batteries. I forgot to check the Statue of Liberty. It was in Walmart today looking around. Oh, I told you, speaking of Walmart, I told you I was in Walmart today for the first time in a long time. And it was so weird to see people's faces, man. Well, here they still have the mask in buildings. Really?

Speaker: I just leave it up on my chin. I wish you could. I wish you could see me. I feel so fancy with this big ass fucking cup. I'm just I'm just you here for a second. I can't see shit. Tony D. What is up, brother? I'm just holding it. I'm just holding it in front of the camera. It's bigger than my fucking head. I'll see. What's up, brother? Cheers to you, man. I need to go get an house vice.

Speaker: How's the, uh, how's the, uh, bachelor party going, baby? Nice. So that explains a lot. Well, it's not her bachelor party. Um, and one of her friends is getting married. Uh, one of the girls who works with, um, or one, uh, I think her assistant manager or something like that. Okay. She's getting ready to get married and there was some, I'll get this. So summer, when summer sent her a picture of the ring and all that jazz and you know, she was doing to doing all the engagement stuff.

Speaker: right? Her friend, it was like, uh, now we got to get all them dicks up in our face. And I'm like, well, what the fuck? This is not the time to get dicks in your face. You know, you're engaged. She's engaged.

Speaker: You keep the dicks away. That's the only thing that should be in this face. We need some rave for dicks. Yeah, no shit. This is the only shrimp peanut that will be in her face. For the rest of her life. But we are, yeah, we're a special kind of stupid tonight. It's good energy. We're having fun now. Yeah.

Speaker: Uh, I don't even know where to go with this. I had, um, I had some stories lined up and I'm kind of, I said, fuck them because we're just kind of rolling. You know what? That story, we have to tell the story that, that I sent you that my mom sent me. Okay. And you've already seen it because it's, it sounds hilarious. And of course I just forwarded it.

Speaker: Yeah. I don't expect anything. I don't expect anything less of you or from you or I don't know how that I don't know anything more. Yeah. So basically in the door and I got my my phone chimed and there was like three messages from you and the message from my mom and I was like, why is there a message from your mom? I love I love I love the random messages from your mom. Oh my God.

Speaker: I'm going to go, I'm going to go up to, um, I'm going to go up to, um, Lexington wherever the fuck you guys are from Belville, Belville, Belville. That's what I couldn't think of. I'm going to go up there for Thanksgiving this year. So, so mom, if you're hearing this, don't forget to invite me to Thanksgiving because my family doesn't invite me to Thanksgiving. So I just spent Thanksgiving alone. Oh, Tony, you didn't have to do that. Thank you, brother. Cheers. What do you do? He sent an award.

Speaker: Thank you, sir. I love Tony G, man. This dude is awesome. I do need to go live with him at some point.

Speaker: He was trying to get me, he was trying to get me out. There's another gentleman that we follow on here that does a karaoke thing. And Tony was like, Tony was like, get your ass in here. And I was like, man, cause I was singing along with every song last night. I was watching. I was in the comments. I was singing along, man. I was having fun. He was like, get your ass up in here. And I was like, yeah, no, I am. As much as,

Speaker: Yeah, we talked about doing a karaoke episode. I'm saying a few times, but I've been really drunk when I do. Yeah, I think the karaoke episode is the episode I will be drinking. Look, I'm gonna tell my wife, honey, we're doing a karaoke episode. You can't even fucking say it. I know. Words are hard. Are you drinking tonight?

Speaker: I wish, yeah, we need to get Jeff. We need to, we need to sign up, get a petition, get Jeff to drink on the podcast .org. Yeah. Send me enough money to buy M .G .D.

Speaker: Mgd is like oh speaking of that we were talking about talking about the guy who who hid his neighbor in the face of the shovel because he And I and I was listening to that episode today and it's not Mgd that I was talking about I'll be in Florida for Thanksgiving But oh, can I can can you put me in the trunk and I'll get a Florida with you? Oh, yeah Get him way put him on the hood and he'll be I'll be

Speaker: I'll put I'll be the biggest goddamn Chevy hood ornament on the planet. Yeah, I know. Robbie, what's up, brother? Um, I want to get a car for that fucking truck.

Speaker: I can see that. My dad wants a gold wing trike. My old man.

Speaker: But it wasn't M .G .D. what I was thinking of when we was talking about beer. It was Miller Highlife, the champagne, the champagne of beer. M .G .D. M .G .D. has a has a real sweet flavor to it. Yeah. I do like, oh, shit, did you hear that? What's up? Why did I just do that? I just did it again. I put my hand on my chest.

Speaker: roughly like my voice crack. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. You're here to hear folks. First folks.

Speaker: I was like, I was like, I was like, Miller genuine. And then I put my hand in my chest like, oh, oh my goodness. Your roaster's not the other one chasing women. Well, no, I've been chasing women for a long time. You know what I mean? No, you're right. You suck. And he's out of here.

Speaker: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker: And the kids had gone to bed and he was wide awake. I was wide awake. So we sat down and I said, have you ever seen the Sandlot? He says, no. I said, oh, you are in for a treat. So now he doesn't speak English. So he's reading subtitles and I'm laughing my ass off. And the part in Sandlot where they go forever in Spanish, it's por cempre. It basically means forever.

Speaker: and so we're sitting there and this morning my wife's sitting on the couch getting ready to go to work and I'm standing in the kitchen having my morning cigarette and and a cup of coffee and my brother -in -law's all the way over by the window and over by the front door and I looked at him and I went forever

Speaker: Is Tony is Tony still in here I don't know Tony still in here I feel like we scared

Speaker: I know we didn't scare Tony away. Tony's awesome. I was going to invite him in and let him hang out with us for a couple of minutes. No, just me. He didn't. He was that karaoke thing for six hours last night. Good God. Right. And and and at one point, Tony was like, I'm going to go get my bottle. I was like, oh, shit is about to go down. Tony is getting this bottle. And we watched we watched the sequel.

Speaker: We watched the sequel of Sandlot yesterday. I didn't even know there was a sequel to Sandlot. There's sexually three of them. I didn't know that. They don't need that. The second one, the second one's not really about baseball, though. It's 10 years later, and the only person in it from the first one is James Earl Jones. But the main character is Smalls' younger brother. Simba.

Speaker: but uh but it's it's it's I feel like I feel like the space race as well I feel like James Earl Jones is the only voice that I could actually do that's because you're so deep it's not like you can do Ariana Grande or uh who who was the guy that um who was the guy that voiced um

Speaker: Gandalf and Star Wars the original Star Wars Star Trek into the next generation movie It's like a roadmap by a blind man you talk about Michael Gambon

Speaker: not Michael. What the fuck is that? No. Uh. Handoff. Handoff from Star Wars. Yeah. He got it. He got his son's all. He got his son's hand off. What's this fucking name? Are you talking about? James Earl Jones. James Earl Jones is fucking. Is it the same guy from the Sandlot? It's James Earl Jones. It's Jesus Christ. Oh yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, no, it's not the actor. Yeah, the guy who played him. He was never on set. And he was the him and Mark Hamill were the only ones that knew that Vader was Luke's father. Wait a minute, Mark. Are you telling me Mark Hamill was in Star Wars? Yeah, because Mark Hamill, Mark Hamill, the only thing he's ever done was was the Joker from the animated series. So you said before he did the Joker, he was in Star Wars? They told Hamill.

Speaker: They told Mark Hemel the day of shooting that scene because I'm a nerd and I have the Blu -ray, but they told him day of. Apparently, the funniest story is Mark Hemel tells the story. He says they go to the opening premiere of that Star Wars movie.

Speaker: And Harrison Ford is sitting behind Mark Hamill. The scene comes up and he's like, I'm your father. And he's like, no. Harrison Ford leaves Ford and goes, hey, kid, what the fuck? You didn't tell me?

Speaker: And I was like, that's, that's so Harrison Ford. He's like, you couldn't tell me. I need to find that clip of Mark Hamill telling that story and send it to you. And I'll put it on the Facebook when I find it. What is the funniest story? Cause he does the best Harrison Ford, uh, impression. Like he hits it flawlessly. Hmm.

Speaker: Mark Mark Hamill does the most amazing Harrison Ford impersonation Because he's like a kid fuck You couldn't tell me but yeah, like nobody knew even Mark Hamill was literally sworn to secrecy and Everybody when they shot that scene of him saying well, they they literally uh

Speaker: In the, when they shot it, the guy playing Darth Vader said, I killed your father. So everybody's like, oh yeah, he killed his father. Okay. Why would you say I killed your father when he was his father? Well, because they, you know, remember this is what fucking seventies, eighties. And they, they wanted to keep his secret. So.

Speaker: They told him, well, they said, oh, by the way, you know, the line, I killed your father. He said, yeah, yeah, it's going to be awesome. He says, no, it's actually, I am your father. He's like, well, what the fuck? And so he shoots the scene. So when he did screams out the no and everybody's like, oh, yeah, great scene. And they're like, yeah, that's coming. Whatever. And the only two people that knew besides George Lucas was Mark, Mark Hamill and James Earl Jones. James George Jones wasn't even on set.

Speaker: you know, he just did the voiceover. Yeah. No, that's all I do was the voiceover because they just found some giant, giant British guy to play Vader. I didn't even get it. He gets credit for being Vader, but not being Vader. Yeah. You like, see me take what you're home already. How are you home already when you were supposed to be the DD and why couldn't you have stayed longer? What's up pops? Hey, there he is.

Speaker: Yeah, I don't know. Someone was supposed to be the DD tonight. She had two drinks and then she left. She's like, I'm out, bitches. Yeah. Find your own way home, you drunk pieces of ****. She's like, I'm gone. Yeah. **** you. **** Uber. It's an app. Uber.

Speaker: Uber that shit. Losers. We don't even get the UberX. Get the fucking basic. Share a ride, bitch. You know that Uber XL and that Uber Prime and all that bullshit? Right. You don't need all that. You can get that Uber. Regular, they weren't drinking heavy. What the fuck, man? Oh, Parker wanted you to come home.

Speaker: so like it was a bachelorette party but the chicks uh soon -to -be husband was there and i was like someone was telling about earlier and i was like well shut up first of all he should be out doing his shit with the boys well that's what i said i was like these kids these days are so fucking weird because um

Speaker: you know, you don't have it's not a, it's not a, it's not a matter of like being a whore or cheating or anything like that. It's about matter of crazy. Mike said, here's a bus ticket. He's the opposite of a taco blogger. No, but I mean, Oh, okay. So summer said that she told them to call, uh, when they were done, she's only 10 this way. Okay.

Speaker: Well, apparently apparently apparently her soon -to -be husband is a loser like us and they have no friends and he has no friends your friends because If when my wife and I got married I asked my boss to be my best man because he's silly person I actually yeah, like I don't I don't I don't know who I'm gonna I don't know who I'm gonna ask to be my best man

Speaker: and all honesty, I mean, you get pops to do it. You can't. I don't even know if pops is gonna come to my wedding. He already came to her. He's like, I'm trying to find groups. I don't even know who my groups will be. And but so, so I can't say much because my bachelor, my bachelor party will probably be this.

Speaker: I'll drink that episode. There you go. Welcome to episode 45, Chris Bachelor Party. We're going to look at porn. Porn picked at Chris. There you go. Oh, sorry. Oh, my. Oh, God. It's your little packer, Jeff. That's a nice 180 degree turn you got there.

Speaker: Pops just said, Pops said, I'm not going to be there. He's like, fuck that shit. I went to the first one. I didn't invite it anyways, asshole. The rival in Tennessee? What are you talking about? Fuck that. That's too far. That's why he's part of the petition to put it on, do it live. Yeah. Well, you know, in all honesty, because you're not the first person to say that, we might do a live stream of the wedding.

Speaker: I mean, if of all else, if anything else, I'll do a live stream just for you. Fucking rails. Oh, yeah. So, uh, but, uh, why don't you go walk into a trailer or something again? Why don't you, uh, why don't you go test some wood with your saws all again?

Speaker: Mike said he'll contribute $3 towards Hookers and Blooper.

Speaker: Much much like my order and I like what with for three dollars you get a hooker to say blow Much much much like Michael urban and Jeff won't understand this because there's a sports reference. I was Michael urban and or Man I can't think of his name fuck my life, but we'll go ahead and go with Michael urban I I like to throw punch hookers so

Speaker: there will be no jello shots at all. Dad said there will be no jello shots for well. Um so my my first wedding, my first wedding, my first wedding because my stepmom uh she

Speaker: She seems to think that she can out drink anybody and everybody. And sorry if you can hear me. Sorry, not sorry if you can hear me. But she got super drunk and was puking at my first wedding. Nice.

Speaker: because everybody started drinking early you know what I don't think we should do this somebody's telling something yeah yeah don't marry this fucking

Speaker: the the the

Speaker: Uh, yeah, we're going to have a cash bar at this wedding. So people have to pay for their, meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, my ass is going to be in the parking lot, going out to the parking lot with my big ass fucking four beers a cup. I'm going to have beer in my truck.

Speaker: I'm the groom. So this is the special grooms cup. Don't don't ask questions. You know what the answer is. I might bedazzle the **** out of it. Don't **** judge me.

Speaker: You get a bunch of stickers from Claire's. It's my pimp cup. You are marrying a gangster, so you know. It's only fitting. Although if I could come, I would have one stipulation besides the Star Wars thing. That when there is a part where somebody says, does anybody object?

Speaker: You have to have somebody stand up and say, I object and then the best man pulls out a gun and shoots them. What the fuck, Jeff? Like a real good or a nerf gun? No, like a nerf gun. No, like a nerf gun. Yeah. No, like I saw a wedding video.

Speaker: And this guy comes, the priest says, you know, does anybody object? And this guy says, I object. And the and the best man goes with six shooters. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And then then goes, take him away. And then three girls walk over and drag the guy out of the room. No, I actually I kind of like that. We can do we can do it with Nerf guns. I kind of like that. Is that OK, baby? Well, well, here's the thing done.

Speaker: Well, here's the thing. I do, I do want to do a plug your ears. Don't listen to this. I do want to do the, uh, when, uh, when you know, when the preacher is doing your vows or whatever, you know, you're supposed to say I do. I want to, um, I want to turn around and huddle with my, my groomsmen.

Speaker: No, no, I got a better one. What you do is you reach in your pocket, you pull up a fucking quarter and flip it through the air and go.

Speaker: I don't know what I want to do. I want to do what I want to do. Uh when I when they do that after I huddle with my bridesmaid, my my my bridesmaids, the groovesman, I want to I want to pull a stone cold Steve Austin out and be like, if I should give her a I do, give me a hell yeah. I didn't have I didn't have somebody I didn't have somebody from the

Speaker: Well, I'll hold it to the camera and it won't say Budweiser, it'll say Glickwiser. I saw one wedding, it was an outdoor wedding and the... Summer said absolutely not. She shot you down. I saw one, the officiant says, does anybody object? This guy comes running, I object. And the groom pulls out a sword.

Speaker: and this guy pulls out a sword and they sword fight and they wrestle around for like five minutes and then all of a sudden he's like you'll never take Stephanie the groom says he'll never take Stephanie for me and he goes wait this isn't the somebody else winning oh sorry my bad carry on

Speaker: I love it. I do. I want to do something like that. I think it'll be fun. I think it'll be funny. I think it'll be awesome. Pops, your your two bottles. I don't know why you got to call me a dirtbag. I don't know why you're so fucking aggressive right now. I feel like you're looking for a fight. I feel like you're trying to get your ass whipped by a trailer again. A trailer named Glick. They're sitting over there. I'm not a trailer. He says it was a trailer. They're sitting over there in the bag. I'm about to drink them. Keep talking shit.

Speaker: He had me pick up two bottles of bourbon down in Tennessee for him. Nice. So he keep talking shit. Doesn't he live around the fucking corner? Fucking Scott, get off your ass, go over there and get him. Yeah. He lives, he lives less than a mile away from me for the second time in my life. I could walk there that fast. Yeah. You should be there before the end of the podcast.

Speaker: He knows better than to come over here and start banging on my door. I almost shot his ass once. I almost shot his ass once. You ain't gonna shoot nobody. That gun ain't even loaded. Oh shit. It was. I just unloaded it.

Speaker: I'm not allowed to have any fun at our wedding. I can't wear a Hawaiian shirt and a speedo Here's what you do. Here's what you do you sneak in a big -ass fucking TV and put the podcast on in the background You get a segue get yourself a segue

Speaker: and strap a TV to it. Stand it next to you and I'll go live and be on now. Oh, there you go. Yeah, there you go. You can be your best man live. Yeah, you can be my best man live. Yes. We did a big TV. We'll have somebody reach up and hand you a ring as I reach over. You know. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, you got to get a, you got to get a, you need to get a laptop or a camera that front facing camera that works. So you can actually, you can fucking see in the right direction. Yeah. You're like looking at the screen, you're zoomed in. You're like, I can't see anything. What's going on? I'll even get one of those t -shirts. It looks like a tux.

Speaker: We're not wearing suits at the wedding. I told Summer I said the only thing I really wanted at the wedding is nonsense and nonsense t -shirts. Well, no. All of our all of our guests have to wear nonsensical. No, I said all I want is I don't want to wear a suit. I want to wear jeans, my boots and the cowboy hat. Fucking A. So I might have to put my hair for it. Yeah, which essentially we can buy everything.

Speaker: at Walmart. No, at Boo Barn at the store. Which is great. I get a discount. I love everything at that store. So I mean, that gives me an excuse to buy stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But no. Yeah, we got two years. Yeah. Yeah, dude, if you if you've got a laptop or something like two years, I would I would totally do that. Put you like on a stand or something like that as long as summer.

Speaker: Summer will go for it. I'll talk. Yes. You're going to, you're going to slide into our DMS and be like, Hey bro, dude, dude, this is how it's going to go. Next thing.

Speaker: No, you can put in an iPad on a mannequin. Oh, even better. I've had on a mannequin. No, you saw your mother gets a pillow strap. Put a T -shirt on the pillow. Like like how I met your mother.

Speaker: You're gonna you're gonna say listen here, dude, this is gonna now this is how it's gonna be and then all of a sudden you're On your door You will hear Star Wars shit in the background That's what I'll put you on because

Speaker: That's what I told her. I told her that the other day when we were still that appeared. Summer, when you come down the aisle, you got to do that song. I'm a boss ass bitch, bitch. And then stop and spank somebody on the ass. Well, like our flower, our flower girl,

Speaker: that's hilarious. Yeah. But I don't know. Man, she keeps looking at all these venues. There are so many ****

Speaker: pretty -ass venues down there. Yeah, I said pretty venues down here, sir, where I don't have to go live. Judge me if you'd like, but I said pretty, but they lived in Tennessee. They got the they got they got the mountains and everything like that. They ain't got an ocean like this. It's just you might show up to see if what happens. I mean, whooping your asshole, man. He's going to show up to see me. Oh, he's like, wait, he's like,

Speaker: Jeff's going to be there live? I'm in. Well, I did tell Summer, I did tell Summer and I didn't, I didn't really get much of a response out of it because I am a huge wrestling fan.

Speaker: And I think it would be cool. What are you going to do? Yeah. Like, I think it would be cool if, if, if like all the grooms and walk down to a different wrestlers, uh, and obviously I want.

Speaker: Well, well, like, like, I like I would I want I want I want to do stone colds, man, the glass shatter, like, there'd be nothing better there. Like, in my opinion, like, I don't know, maybe I'm just a childish buffoon. Well, my dream wedding would have been my wife and I getting married and then getting into matching dragsters and go down a drag strip. My wife shot that down day one. She was like, no, not gonna happen. I was like,

Speaker: But it's cool. I'll let you in. Yeah, but how cool would this be? And hopefully it doesn't get muted on Facebook. Oh, God, this is stupid ass. This is what I want to use when I come. I'm fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin. Shoving old ladies out the way. Just.

Speaker: just strut down drinking fucking. Oh, what the fuck is somebody is somebody with a stone cold stunner for. Why is there TV on stage? Number one, number two, did he just shove grandma? I did tell you that you just weren't listening to me like, you know, we get like like you got to give us something. Guess who's at my house right now?

Speaker: No, did Pops show? Yeah. Fuck yeah. We don't make your time around here! We don't accept those shit! You want some of me? You want our famous, that crazy ass homewear? I can't believe I fucking showed up. I guess it was like a five minute walk. That's hilarious. Ultimate smaller partner. Where's my fucking beard? Where's my goddamn beard?

Speaker: She had turned over the spot. That's fucking hilarious. There's no dog. They can't hear you. Oh, they can hear you. Dude, you got my microphone on and everything else. There. There it is.

Speaker: This? Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here. Come over here.

Speaker: You can never find the camera. No, you can't. There was a camera. This is this is what he showed up for.

Speaker: Yeah. Well, you can't see it, Jeff, but everybody else can see it. I can't see it. I'll see it live. I watch every episode anyways. It's a bourbon whiskey mix that they make down at Pigeon Forge at the Old Forge. Oh, cool. When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disneyland. I don't want to be cremated. Old Forge. Oh, there you go. Mike knows what it is. Jerry. Jerry.

Speaker: Are you too lazy to drink it out of a can? No. Summer got this cup at Dick's last resort restaurant and uh I said that uh this is going to be my new beer drinking cup. So, for the podcast and since it's Saturday night, I don't gotta work tomorrow and it holds. Well, actually, it just held temp in my four beers. Yeah, but why? Well, I ran out of Budweiser. Go buy me some Budweiser. No. Get the shovel, Chris.

Speaker: Yeah, oh summers face palm and all this. Oh, is it okay? Where are you guys out doing round bike early?

Speaker: Seriously going to drink out of the bottle and contaminate. Who else is going to drink out of that bottle? Exactly. I would get shots out of that bottle afterwards. I think you've been contaminated by him in more ways than one. You got bigger problems than fry. Or as Jeff just said, if you haven't had worse things than that in your mouth, they've been, they've been, they've been married what? 29, 29 years.

Speaker: and you ain't had something of his in your mouth, please. You haven't had something of his in your mouth. Let me see here. Let me see if I can. Let me see if I can do this without completely. Well, it's been nice knowing you like almost my whole life. Yeah, almost summer's whole life. Summer loves the contamination.

Speaker: I've done contaminated. Oh, I'm trying to turn them off, but I don't know how well I will be able. Technology's hard. Technology's hard. Word is words. Words. Words. I can't even fucking say it. That's how hard it is. Somebody cut Chris off. Can you try and not get killed? I'm not gonna get killed. There we go.

Speaker: I don't know. Jeff said slap you upside the head. So that's what I'm doing. There we go. Now we can hear Jeff. There he is. I have I have coasters. I have coasters.

Speaker: I do have a shot glass somewhere. It's really dirty. No, it's not dirty. Have you seen this place? Well, I was gone for. Have you seen this place? Who, me? Yeah. Have you seen this place? One of my customers gave me that yesterday. Yeah. Oh no, I saw that picture. That's awesome. That's cool. That's cool as fuck.

Speaker: I do have coasters. Oh my god. We wanted shot glasses. I do have. Marl Marl sent me coasters for my birthdays or for my birthday. It's a wooden coaster with Ohio and Ghana and my initials. Nice. Um why do you need a shot class for? I don't know. Go down in the basement in the storage area. We're not the one

Speaker: Oh, hell no. Hey, one of those boxes. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. She's in three hours. I have shot glasses and I have shot glasses and what? You got a glass? Yeah. I'll try this with orange juice. I don't have orange juice. Yeah, you get that. Well, turn the light on in the kitchen.

Speaker: open the cabinet. Just drink it out the bottle. To the right. No, that's better not be. Better not be what? No, that's mine. What the hell are you talking about? Like you gave me. No, I've had that one forever and a day. I need to replace it. That's why we don't do this on this fucking show.

Speaker: You had the blue field on the wrong side. It's always supposed to be to the right. No, it is still right. No, it's still left if you hang it up. If you hang it vertical, it's still left. Yeah. The American flag, if you hang it up, it's, if you hang it vertical, it's still left. Yep. Every time. Every time.

Speaker: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I can smell it from you. Take a sip of that and walk about it. Oh, God. On this episode, Chris passes out from alcohol poisoning. Trust me, I've never passed out from alcohol poisoning. I've had alcohol poisoning, but I've never passed out from it. I've never had alcohol poisoning. Someone wants to know if I have a favorite venue that she sent me. Honestly, no, because they're all fucking awesome.

Speaker: I did not get your text until I got home. I found you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue. I told you guys a venue.

Speaker: Millennium Falcon buys his house. Show up. Take over. Trust me, you've been married here. You've been there for what? My alcohol poisoning? What? Hey, honey, we can go to Cancun. But you got me that. Come on down, Scott. I had the shot glasses. They're down in the basement. We can go to Cancun. We can stay at death place. Oh, we got something now, huh? Yeah, fuck it. Did you drive over here on the bike?

Speaker: No, no, I was going to take the truck. You wouldn't let me truck the truck because you're going to get drunk and then I would have drove it. No. Yeah. There you go. Like a win -win to me. You can go home. We can get shit face and stay here.

Speaker: I'm going to give my parents all poisoning from Tennessee. What is it? No, it's not. This is made for in the mountains. Yeah.

Speaker: Everything's in the mountains. Pops is about to get fucking wrecked. Parker said Jeff sounds like a wimp. Jeff is a wimp. Yes. I watched him pass out in the garage singing Good the Roses. You're not wrong Mark. Summer seen me pass out on my lives. Mark can see me passing out singing Good the Roses. Nice. It's in the freezer. The girls put it in the freezer. Jeff sounds like a wimp.

Speaker: Hey, well, once again, I told you, Parker, just remember, I can whip the shit out of a bunny rabbit. That's what I said. Why the freezer? Are you going to? Did you say you were going to fuck the shit out of a bunny rabbit? I said I will whip the shit out of a bunny rabbit. Oh, who's going to? Are you going to fuck a bunny rabbit? I can drink, Mark. Good, man. In the bathroom. Don't you think he's going to open it? It's his. Damn, that was much more than your own. On the shelf. He's one of those things.

Speaker: Uncle Jackie gave me this summer's uncle. Yeah Oh shit. I just wore it. You just spilled half of it. I didn't spill half of it. I just got drops on my shirt. I can It's summer said I drink and get emotional as fuck pops Pops is pops smelled it and he was like oh

Speaker: Oh, yeah. I'm like that when I smell fucking Jose Cuervo. I smell like pool. Yeah, that's that's. No. I'm going to walk. You'll be fine. Look, 240 proof. Jesus. Strong is just. Mm. It's good potent. Well, you took a drink out of it. You know better. Make me think about it.

Speaker: the one that maybe I smell aftershocks and pops is by pretty girl pops is over here. He's the pops is over here drinking my moonshine. I didn't know better than to drink because grandpa was the one that taught me. Grandpa said, don't ever drink it. You nip it. Yeah. Yeah. Give me another officer over here. Just **** I'm just going. Is it better than just? No, it doesn't matter. Actually, it doesn't matter.

Speaker: Yeah, I don't I don't do hard alcohol. I can't do it. I get the **** too fast. I do. I drink beer on occasion. You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer is? You know what his favorite beer

Speaker: I told you guys you gotta walk around the corner to get out of it. What is that beer? What is that beer that you like down there? It's called Gayo. I don't like it. It's the one. It's the worst beer. It'll give you the worst hangover of your life. It's called Gayo. It's a blue can with a rooster on it. Is it like PBR? Well, it makes PBR taste good. Or slits? No, it's it's a horrible Mexican beer, according. Yeah, it's the worst beer ever.

Speaker: but it's stupid cheap. And you still buy it? No, I don't buy that. I buy, I usually buy, uh, either Dos Equis or I buy, um, uh, what's the, what's more Delo or, um, Kevin said he smells after shock and nope. Most, most women that meet, that meet Kevin smell regrets it. I'm going to feel like morning.

Speaker: but first they smell Jell -O. Whoo, Jell -O. That's only the Chihuahuas with Kevin. You have to tell me that story one day. Well, Kevin used to have Chihuahuas and he made sweet love to one one time and got her pregnant. Nice.

Speaker: Kevin. Kevin Hawley. This is what we do. We talk shit about each other on our podcast. We talk shit about everybody. A couple episodes back, Kevin posted on our Facebook page. Yeah, so this episode has completely gone off the rails, but it is what it is. Every episode is the same. No, you're not. You're in my second year. No, you're like... Someone was first. So if you'd actually listen,

Speaker: You would hear the other story about how Summer decided to share her nipple with the world on Snapchat. Yep. Which is why I almost unfriended Summer so I don't catch one of those pictures because I don't need to see that. No, no, no. Shudar shared it once before today. What? I'm going to go take a piss on it though. Yeah, remember that night? Go ahead, Scott. Tell us a story because I got to hear this.

Speaker: the night that we killed a bottle. She didn't show you. Oh, yes, she did. She didn't show you. She was showing you, but I just happened. You were happy. I got a joke that night, too. Yeah, that's usually how it is. You always get into trouble. I get in trouble this night. Really? Well, if you're not if you're not if you're if you're not getting in trouble, I'm not having any fun. That's what being that's what being married is all about.

Speaker: Amen to that. How much trouble? Well, Scott, you know what they say? No. No. When you were living at the house and it was the first time you got to meet Summer on the chat thing, she was doing something to you and he happened to come home. Okay. Now I have to hear this story. Oh.

Speaker: That was the night we killed a bottle of this. Oh, no. We killed more than a bottle. Just one bottle. That was that was that was after you that was after you woke up and came out. But before that, yeah, we uh Yeah, that that that night that night I was downstairs doing a live and I and I drank

Speaker: 18 beers or something like that. Kevin's walking into snap. Yeah, that's, that's pops man. Kevin, that was pops. That's how that night that we're talking about.

Speaker: I was downstairs doing a live. I probably drank about eighteen beers and then Pops came downstairs and we got the **** and I was like **** I'm going to bring my live upstairs and then we broke into a bottle. I don't know what the **** it was. We broke. No, we're no. That was the second bottle. That was the second bottle. The first bottle we the first bottle we cracked open. I was still drinking beer and we cracked open that or the first bottle and then after we finished. Oh, that was the hotel.

Speaker: everyone's seen my not Kevin. I don't want to. And then and then Joanne woke up. It was like, what the **** are you two doing? Then we cracked the second bottle and Joanne was drinking with us. That night, Paul said I killed two bottles of bourbon. Yeah, bourbon. And I was drinking a ton of beer. But the summer was down at midnight.

Speaker: I just happened to have the phone laying there and she kind of like, Oh my God, no, delete, delete, delete, delete my eyeballs. Now, every time Scott sees summer is there's an awkward moment. Well, no, it don't get brought up.

Speaker: can I ask for a time? Uh as as as Jeff says. That's why you always hang your head in shame. Yeah. Trust me. Why should I hang my head in shame? Because she saw something you shouldn't. Trust me. No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. That's not why he hangs his head in shame. There's a lot more reasons. You have to remember he did have a kid with Patty.

Speaker: first of all, now, you know, not to look at it. Don't look at my phone. Yeah. It was there. We were online. What would we do? This should be a drunk, a drunk lane for the pocket. We was on, we was on Tiktok. I think that was a parachute. I can't remember just Tiktok or parachute.

Speaker: I don't know I was back before I could do it Paris it was on tiktok you'd have been you've been blocked well no summer didn't send her a boob on tiktok it was it was no hence the reason why that's the reason why Jeff or Kevin is currently logging in and creating his searching match

Speaker: I wasn't looking at his phone. I wasn't looking at it really. She's she's at the Facebook. We're going to get our first murder on our on our podcast. We said to be famous. This is not what we were trying to be famous for. This is what we get famous for. My my my pops getting killed.

Speaker: Yeah. Um Summer said it's okay. Um she posted her full boot on Snapchat for the whole world to see. She meant to send it to me. It was uh she was trying to her tan line and she didn't send it to me. She posted it on her snap story much like a Facebook story. So, like 15 or 16 people seen it and one of the girls she was actually pretty much everybody she works with. Oh, I heard they seen it. They seen it and one of the girls had

Speaker: I don't think it's appropriate. I don't think it's appropriate. Nobody asked you what is or isn't appropriate. It's her Snapchat at giant booby nipple.

Speaker: Kevin, that was the first funny thing you said in six years. I don't care. That was pretty damn funny. Kevin does his podcast on Wednesdays and we do our back on Wednesdays. Well, a few Wednesdays back, we got done and I always tune into Kevin's when we get done.

Speaker: Well, like 1030 Kevin was like, oh, the show's coming to an end. Blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm like, this motherfucker is not going to end his show a half hour early. So I call him and got, we got the bullshitting. Well then right before we went on vacation and I don't ever post in Kevin's Facebook page, uh, on Wednesdays until after we're done. Well, Kevin posted on our page. So I was telling Jeff and I was like, yeah, why don't we rely on it? I was like, Oh, it's on now. We're going to fucking get them. So we call him.

Speaker: live. Well, he was live. We were live and I called him and I put it on, you know, live and Kevin put it live. And as soon as Kevin answered the phone, he's like, Oh, you just trying to be professional. We all know he's a douchebag. He's not professional. And he's like, Hey, it's Kevin Hollis show. Who's this? And I was like, you want to start a fucking podcast war? And we were, we were live together for, you know, a good five, 10 minutes, but

Speaker: But we're just hanging out having a good time. Fucking with each other. Most of everybody's balls. That's what we do. That's what we do. Now, you know why he wants to marry me. I do enjoy the big boobies. That's all. I guess I do. Live on live, mf 'er. Your dad always complains that more than a mouthful is a waste. Well, dad's also a jackass.

Speaker: I personally enjoy a mouthful. He said I should get a reduction and Jackie needed an increase. That's weird to say about your daughter. That is odd. Well, you know, Jackie, Kevin. Yeah. Oh, that's my little sister. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, you see that thing? Oh, I see. That's fucking alcohol.

Speaker: That's a fucking professional alcoholic. His comment always is more than a mouthful is a waste and then he turned around said you need a reduction and give it to Jackie.

Speaker: Yes, God, it doesn't work that way. No. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. No. This can happen. What? Hold on a second. I want to see it. Do you realize this family?

Speaker: I'm sorry. This could happen. There he is. I gotta get it. I gotta get it on the camera. What are you talking about? This family? This family. It is like with with your brother. Yeah, I'm the unnamed. My first person. First person. Your brother. My

Speaker: This is, this is, this is, this is why. There's our cancellation rights. I don't think so. I'm gonna get a hundred dollars towards this. And now we're canceled. She said one of me. Kevin said my sister Snapchat is itty bitty titty come in.

Speaker: Oh my god. This is just this became way better. Oh my god. Come here. What did I come to? Pop showed up to get his **** German and there he is. I don't know. I called him out. I said, get his **** over there and pick it up. Jeff, Jeff called him out. He stood up. He sat up. Cuz I came out of the frame.

Speaker: most. What does scuff mean in your crazy British accent, Mark? Yeah, you got to give us the British English translator. So, so you see you're out of, you see, you're out of fun. Yeah. You want me to get there? Okay. There. No, no. You gotta get closer. You might think I like you.

Speaker: On this episode, we teach Scott how to use a camera. Well, some of you missed it. Dad said Joanne should get a breast reduction and give it to Jackie, who meets him, which is his daughter. So Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Well, he did say it.

Speaker: Do you need Dr. Phil is what you need. You need Jesus.

Speaker: That scene from Bad Boys 2, you motherfuckers need Jesus. I can feel the scene with somebody else because he's seen us. Dr. Phil, take one look at you and go I'm retiring.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. I call my broister, my broister, and my dad calls him, her, his child. Kevin said, Kevin said, I just got a call from Maury Bovitch. Q, Q, hillbilly, hauling music. Where is hauling that right now?

Speaker: Should we start to go funny? Yeah. Kevin said Dolly Banjos as Jeff started doing Dolly Banjos. Summer got a call from Steve Wilkos. Scott, I need you to say one thing. Absolutely enough. Just scream out, you got a pretty mouth. What? Do it. Do it. Do it. What?

Speaker: I, you guys didn't let me if you want, but I started smoking in here, especially since we do this for your lead drink. So if you will. Deal. What's your thing? Let's say my stepmom just asked me what was wrong with my thing. If you guys didn't catch that.

Speaker: What's wrong with your thing? You got a birdie mouth. Parker said you got a birdie mouth. Oh my god. I want video of Parker saying that with his little southern ass accent. What? You got a birdie mouth?

Speaker: Yeah. That's what we need. Boy, you got a birdie mouth. Oh, shit. Let me hear you squeal like a pig.

Speaker: Oh, shit. And we're canceled. Well, let's see. Your thing here is about six inches long and about two inches in diameter. That's called a shrimp peanut, Joanne. I'm going to cancel myself. I canceled myself.

Speaker: Remember a couple episodes back when we talked about reasons why I drink?

Speaker: It's to forget moments like this. All those calculations are all thanks, Summer. Well, if anything, you can show them your thing that I'm talking about. No, we can't do that. We are on Facebook on YouTube. Therefore, I need to listen. Summer don't want to see my thing. We're not talking about you. Summer's seen my thing a lot.

Speaker: Just show me your thing. It's okay. Don't be shy. Just so you know I'm believing this, I'm so sorry. I don't know what Jim is sitting on. Oh my god.

Speaker: I'm sure you can't show blame us on Jeff. He's morning. He's morning. I have pics of this thing. Why don't you be nice to my thing? Geez. She called it a sharp peanut a couple episodes ago. Yeah. This is the worst porn I've ever.

Speaker: Yeah, so Wow, welcome to nonsense finances. Feel free to follow us on Facebook Instagram Twitter take talk and Anywhere you can find podcast Apple podcast. You will want to play Spotify all that jazz

Speaker: And if you want to email us, I don't need you to show them my thing.

Speaker: the fifth

Speaker: That's our next thing Only fans Why is she looking at your thing? Okay, let's clarify this what I'm talking about Where's his

Speaker: Oh, my god. I need a drink.

Speaker: This is why I drink. Oh, Jesus. And that was the old man. That was last. Motherfuckers need Jesus. Nonsense. Go nonsense. These motherfuckers need Jesus. Jesus. I have to give you the name. So these motherfuckers need Jesus. Oh, well, Lord.

Speaker: Let's see which part is accurate. Shut up, Kevin. You cuddled with me. You were the world's queen. Let's see if they got to say your thing. Hi, Mom! What the fuck is wrong with these idiots? Um, Jeff, your mom's here. Well, that's all right. She said we now have 700 rain on subscribers on Haps.

Speaker: that's a compilation when you talk about certain objects welcome subscriber number that subscriber number is the compilation of facebook youtube and everything else yeah it's easier for me

Speaker: I mean, 791 followers is not really the big leagues. It might be a big leagues for, um, Hey, you know, uh, small time podcasts like the Kevin Ollie show, but, um, yeah, this guy right here. I mean, that's a daily thing for us. We get that first five minutes. Yeah. I mean, I got 10 ,000 followers on Tik TOK. Yeah. I'll watch Kevin show.

Speaker: I should go down and just try a fish or two. No, I mean, well, yeah. Yeah. You should just show up at Duck Tower. Yeah. And kick the door in and slap. I'm here to drink. I was like, show me your thing. Would you like to meet Chris's mom and dad?

Speaker: You guys are welcome. Says says Kevin. Kevin and me in the studio. So, why not have you in the studio? Hey, how much worse? You're like, you know, I heard you're like never back. Not the gay man. No, no, no, no. He doesn't like Nickelback. He ****ing loves Nickelback. He ****ing loves.

Speaker: Kevin, Kevin was one of those Nickelback haters. When I went down to Tampa, uh, Ron, the guy who I stayed with, that sounded horrible. Um, him and I, when we went over to Kevin's house, the first night we were there, we were all hanging out drinking and stuff. Yeah. Um, uh,

Speaker: We were like, I was like, put Nickelback on. So I went on to put Nickelback on, but didn't tell him who he was listening to. So we were listening to it. Kevin was like, he was like, liking it. And he was singing along. And he was like, I like these guys. Who are these? And we were like, it's Nickelback. And he was like, I fucking love Nickelback. Oh, shit. Oh, but.

Speaker: It's about that time. Matter of fact, I did see that. I did see that cat. Is it really? You see what? I seen that one. Yeah. I've seen that one down there. Is it about that time? Yeah. Well, I'll just. I can hear, I can hear my wife and kids calling. That's an allowing. What time is it there? Uh it's an hour behind you. What time is it here? An hour behind. What time is it here? It's only ten o 'clock down there.

Speaker: Yeah. We get Jeff gets in trouble if we go past two hours. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm a horrible influence and I'll get him to go past two hours. Big bags. Just let me finish these four clicks. Click famous. Last words. One more beer. Yeah. Jeff.

Speaker: He's got a little beer in there. Does your wife have your balls in her back in her purse? Yep. Hey, I'm not the only one. Yeah. Hey, join the club. We got hats and jackets and everything. What will happen here is Jeff's going to, Jeff's going to leave and I'm going to jump back on the house.

Speaker: Yeah. And I'm not going to go on Facebook because I get in trouble on Facebook. Just go directly to Habs. Yeah. I'm a snowflake liberal. Yeah. It's Jeff. No. No, Justin. Yeah. Do you want to please? You know, I actually had a wedding day when I was in Texas and get real estate there again.

Speaker: Oh, don't even expect that. Don't even expect that. A few weeks back, this goofy song bitch messes me up on Facebook. A Glick. I hate Chris cause he's like one of the very few people in my life that doesn't call me Glick. He was like, hey Chris. So I've got a friend of mine who's starting up this business. You can buy land in Cancun, Mexico for like $5.

Speaker: And then two years you can sell it for like $500 ,000. And I was like, Jeff, shut up. It's true. It's totally true. I'm not getting on this train. No, it's not $5, but it's, it's, it's like, uh, actually a buddy of mine was telling me about it the other day. Uh, there's a new area they're getting ready to develop that you can buy. I think it's an acre for 250 bucks.

Speaker: And you sit on it for like 10 years and you're, you're sitting on a million dollars. Easy. I got to sit on it for 10 years. Just buy it. I'll buy it. I'll buy it and we'll do your hands up. Well, you can, you can, you can, uh, home anyways.

Speaker: Yeah. Well, we put his hold down here. We'll bury him in the land. We're not going to bury him in Mexico. He's going to be lucky if I was a dead ass in a river. It depends on how fast the land develops. That's why I want some of her married because Summer's not going to let you. Summer's not going to let me do shit and I'm going to put her in the same hold when I'm putting you in.

Speaker: I told her, I said, you and pops are going to share a room together in the whole world. And now hold on. No, so. My, my, uh, the, there must be a gigantic star is going to start parping up a gigantic star. My, my message is going to start texting to me. It's a gigantic star. It's going on like some, some, some, some.

Speaker: that's not fair. The other week, you guys were on here for almost two hours or so going on at it and we come over here and now you're going to cut a short. Well, he's going to leave. We'll in this and then I'll go back. I'll I'll jump back on hops and hops and hops. So, I'll get drunk. I need more beer for you. Where's my wallet? It's

Speaker: check this out. So, the pizza shop that delivers beer, they've been in the same location since like 1965, right? Uh -huh. So, just a little tiny building. They moved, yeah. Yeah, they're moving right now. They're moving now. Are they really? They just, no, no, no, no. They're. Yeah, they're moving literally like two, two blocks down the road. They've got a huge. It's a party. They're gonna turn into a party. It's a huge fucking building, man.

Speaker: So tell them if they want to sponsor us, we'll go ahead and give them the address. No, they don't want to sponsor us. They don't need us. They're like, there's no way to fucking sell it. Jesus. You're going to sponsor us one day. Hell yeah. One day you watch. You watch the sponsor. Why the fuck are they sponsor you? Yeah. I don't.

Speaker: Yeah, I do. I drank Budweiser, didn't I? Yeah, he did. I drank a Budweiser today. Why? Because we're out on the bike. What's wrong with Bud? What's wrong with Bud? What's wrong with Budweiser? Bud Light? What's wrong with Bud Light? I drink Bud Light. Yeah. What's wrong with Bud Light? But you also have a huge gig in vagina, Jeff. Well, yeah, there is that.

Speaker: Let me drink anything more than that. I'm out on the bike. What is that bike that you have? It's a can. It is a can. Okay. So I was right. Okay. So it's got the two wheels. It's got two front wheels and one in the back. Right. Yeah. It is a fighter. RT. RT limited. Those are a bad ass. Now they want to go buy an Indian. Now I want to go buy an Indian.

Speaker: why can't you why can't you why can you only have one but like when you're on the bike where were you at? We grew up at Indian Lake. What the **** is Indian Lake? Up on 33. You're in Ohio and you don't know where Indian Lake is. I grew up in Ohio and I don't know where **** Indian Lake is. I grew up here on 33. The northwest corner. **** I couldn't tell you how to get to Knox Lake. You know, I couldn't. I couldn't get there either.

Speaker: I bet you my dad can do a **** blindfold. 33. 33. You go up through Delaware and out that way going to Northwest area of Ohio. Holy **** I didn't even know 33 went up through Delaware. Yeah. Well, there you go. Well, 36. 36. Oh, you know. 37. 37. 37 goes up there and then you're gonna you can pick up 33. You shouldn't grab it without asking. I'm the rat. Well, that's your

Speaker: We had 15 other You can't say you were drinking if you had one bud light we were being sociable People that we met are you allowed to be in the Honda Club now?

Speaker: Yeah. They kicked your ass the **** out, didn't they? No. We didn't really join the on the club. Yes, you did. Because he because he told me to join their Facebook page and I was like, how are you? But, you know, maybe. What? Racist? Yeah. They don't make the white power bike.

Speaker: are you are you are you are you are you feel guilty as a white man? He's already married to an Indian. So, what the hell? You're part of me too, **** Oh **** We are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Suck that **** Oh, wait. Just kidding. Call me a **** colonizer. Jesus.

Speaker: But yeah, let's go and close this out because I got to get going. All right. Jeff's got to go. Wait, wait a minute. One, one more beer. Okay. We're going to, we're going to come back live. I'm going to come back live with, with the, with the, with the rents as, as the cool kids call them. But, um, I'm going to try to do this close out with a live audience. They're staring at me. They're staring at me like I'm just don't do ASMR style.

Speaker: the the the

Speaker: I'm not trying to go live on Facebook. We'll see how long it lasts until we get in

Speaker: I'm going to judge it by judge it by Jeff's laugh and my dad's laugh. I'm going to be very good. Martin Zuckerberg is going to personally show up in my door and I'm going to whoop his ass. But this is this is the end of nonsensical nonsense. Thank you guys for listening. Everybody who watched live, we greatly appreciate you guys in the chatters box. If you're not already, feel free to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok all under nonsense.

Speaker: and YouTube and YouTube. Yes. Yeah, we're on YouTube. Oh, yeah. Also, all your podcast. Now, we're using the podcast, Google Play, Apple, Spotify, all that jazz, I heart podcast. And if you want to send us an email, you can do so at nonsensical nonsense podcast at email dot com. He has one job.

Speaker: He does that pretty good. He does that pretty well. So, again, thank you guys for listening. We will see you guys a Wednesday. Wednesday. I'm going to go proceed to get drunk as **** with my pops. I think this is a roundabout. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday

Speaker: I feel like I'm the only one who watches Letterkinny in here, but they do a thing where they're like, to be fair, to be fair. I've watched clips. I need to actually find full episodes. Hulu has full episodes of Letterkinny. Hulu is not down in Mexico. Oh, well. I got to get a VPN.

Speaker: I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Speaker: Because I'm broken When I'm lonesome And I don't feel right When you're going away You've gone away You don't feel me anymore

Speaker: The worst is over now And we can breathe again I wanna hold you high and steal my pain Wait, there's so much left to learn And no one left to find I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Speaker: Cause I'm broken when I'm over And I don't feel like I am strong enough Cause I'm broken when I'm lost and I don't feel right when you're

Speaker: Cause I'm broken When I'm over And I don't feel right I am strong enough Cause I'm broken

Speaker: Yeah!

Speaker: Don't think