Transcript
Speaker: Hi, Froze.
Speaker: Lou Santini here, host of Amateur Nation.
Speaker: My Dry Bar Comedy Special, Amateur Nation, is now available.
Speaker: And just like this show, if you're allergic to a lack of common sense in today's world, and you like your comedy delivered with uncompromising talent like it is bite, then check out my half-hour comedy special, Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Go to drybarcomedy.com slash LouAmpire.
Speaker: This is my way of saying thank you to the pros who listen to this show every week.
Speaker: DriveourComedy.com slash Lou S. Amateur Nation is not just a podcast, it's a movement.
Speaker: The honor and remember flag is a nationally recognized symbol that sends a message of appreciation for the sacrifice made by our fallen heroes and their families.
Speaker: The flag flies at many NASCAR races around the country, and you can help honor our nation's fallen military members and remember the eternal sacrifice of their service by flying the flag, too.
Speaker: Text FLAG to 71777 or visit honorandremember.org to learn more.
Speaker: Together, we remember them all.
Speaker: Warning.
Speaker: The podcast you are about to hear is often based on true events and people.
Speaker: It chronicles the dialogue and actions of random, anonymous, obnoxious, self-entitled, unintelligent, self-centered idiots.
Speaker: Attention whores, ignoramuses, dolts, clods, nimrods, douches, weirdos, drama queens, overly sensitive crybabies, and people who think they are better, more important, and special than the rest of us.
Speaker: In one word, amateurs.
Speaker: Amateurs.
Speaker: It's Amateur Nation with Lou Santini.
Speaker: I know, he is a local broadcasting legend.
Speaker: Well, I don't know about legend, but thank you.
Speaker: We call attention to and call out the amateurs.
Speaker: The people who are doing life wrong.
Speaker: The speed bumps of life.
Speaker: The people that are in your way every day.
Speaker: The unintelligent, obnoxious, attention-whoring, self-entitled, drama queen victim types.
Speaker: who chip away at the moments of your life due to no self-awareness, common sense, manners, or social skills, and are disturbing the flow of the pros.
Speaker: Hi, Mom.
Speaker: Oh, hey, Lou.
Speaker: Amateur nation.
Speaker: It's not just a podcast.
Speaker: It's a movement.
Speaker: This is episode 234, Women.
Speaker: Am I right, men?
Speaker: The snark episode.
Speaker: And as always, shouts out to ProNation first.
Speaker: Shouts out to Dr. Carl Tice of North Canton, Ohio.
Speaker: Brandi Castillo on Truth Social.
Speaker: And Mike Horan on Facebook, listening to the show on Spotify.
Speaker: And Anne-Marie Herdman, Cheryl Bell 5530, Teresa Pierce Bune, and Claude Stewart, all part of ProNation on Instagram.
Speaker: You can find me there at lou.santini3.
Speaker: About this episode's title...
Speaker: I'm not a fan of the show.
Speaker: men posing as women to gain political power, trans men being placed in positions normally occupied by biological women, which is a dumb thing that I started saying, men hanging out in women's bathrooms and locker rooms, the term women not even being able to be defined, some women being praised for being fat, but others being dismissed as bowing to the patriarchy for being fit, that is, unless you're a celebrity, is the reason for this episode's tongue-in-cheek title.
Speaker: How's that empowerment thing going, ladies?
Speaker: Tired of it yet?
Speaker: Like it better when you weren't so empowered?
Speaker: Fair warning, the snark and sarcasm in this episode is going to be at an all-time high.
Speaker: I recently saw a random reply to a post on Facebook by someone by the name of John Baohachi.
Speaker: I hope I'm saying his name right.
Speaker: Which is a point I've been saying for some time, and that is, when is Straight Pride Month?
Speaker: When is Law-Abiding Citizen Month?
Speaker: When is it Hard-Working Joe Month?
Speaker: When is it Sick of the State of the Society Month?
Speaker: Answer is, every month.
Speaker: And speaking of Pride Month, here is your post of the week by Nashville Tea Party on Instagram.
Speaker: I feel bad for parents nowadays.
Speaker: You have to explain the birds and the bees, the bees and the bees, the birds and the birds, the birds that used to be bees, the bees that used to be birds, the birds that look like bees and the bees that look like birds but still got a stinger.
Speaker: You know, a couple episodes back, I mentioned how Barney-haired adult Megan Rapinoe congratulated WNBA player Sue Boyd saying that, quote, she arguably had the best career that anyone has ever had in the history of any sport ever.
Speaker: I mean, Megan Rapinoe herself is barely known and wouldn't be at all if it weren't for her subway commercials.
Speaker: But if Sue Boyd is being acknowledged by Megan as a woman, then why is that such a great accomplishment?
Speaker: Apparently, men and women are the same now.
Speaker: And if you don't know what a woman is, what's the big deal about this person's accomplishments?
Speaker: Maybe Sue Bird is a man.
Speaker: Can't be praising men and women's sports, can we?
Speaker: See, your everyone is everything crap doesn't hold water.
Speaker: You don't get to decide when it's convenient to call a woman a woman and a man a man and interchange them based on whatever narrative suits you.
Speaker: Yeah, damn right, ding.
Speaker: Here's what's happening in Amateur Nation.
Speaker: Perhaps you had better start from the beginning.
Speaker: Step one.
Speaker: Topic number one.
Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, the most high-maintenance girlfriend of all time.
Speaker: This article, actually it's called an essay, was found by Alert Pro Craig R. Britton on Facebook from Insider.com.
Speaker: It's an essay by a woman named Maddie Alzamora.
Speaker: Here's the so-called headline.
Speaker: I'm a bisexual person who doesn't enjoy sex.
Speaker: People are often confused by my identity, and the fact that I have a male fiancé doesn't help.
Speaker: I hate her already.
Speaker: You?
Speaker: Oh, I hate hate.
Speaker: The article says, I came out as bisexual when I was 15.
Speaker: Then I figured out I was never going to really be into the whole sex thing and identified as asexual too.
Speaker: To make everything easier, I called myself queer.
Speaker: Shh.
Speaker: Okay, how did that make everything easier?
Speaker: You literally made your life even more complicated by lying.
Speaker: If you're asexual, you're not attracted to men or women.
Speaker: Queer means you like women since you're a woman.
Speaker: Oh my God, amateurs are exhausting.
Speaker: She continues, yet I don't fit into queer spaces.
Speaker: Attention amateurs, stop calling any place that is outside of your home a space.
Speaker: It's called society, the public, earth.
Speaker: She says, in large part, it's because my fiance is a man.
Speaker: What sane heterosexual would put up with this?
Speaker: Answer, he's not heterosexual.
Speaker: He's gay.
Speaker: He needs a beard.
Speaker: But it's not like I fit into straight spaces either.
Speaker: I'm stuck in a liminal space and feel invisible.
Speaker: I was 11 when I first heard the word bisexual.
Speaker: I didn't even know what sexual was when I was 11.
Speaker: But I get it.
Speaker: It's a different time.
Speaker: She says, my mom was talking about how some people were so desperate to date someone that they date anyone.
Speaker: Oh, so you just make the bisexual leap?
Speaker: Maybe your mom was just saying some people are desperate.
Speaker: The article continues, for most of eighth grade, I wondered whether I was queer or a desperate faker.
Speaker: Well, you might have considered I'm a hormonal preteen, and this is normal to be confused about urges and sexuality.
Speaker: It sounds like your mom was pretty open-minded, so maybe talk to her.
Speaker: Also, no, you didn't think that back then.
Speaker: Adults don't remember what they thought as children.
Speaker: I don't remember what I thought as an adult from a year ago, what I thought.
Speaker: I remember what I did as a child.
Speaker: I remember some things that I experienced, but don't tell me you remember things that you thought when you were a child.
Speaker: There's just no way in hell.
Speaker: Adults remember what they did and experienced.
Speaker: You're suffering from, I bet this is what I probably thought.
Speaker: The article continues, when I did come out, my mom said she thought my theater friends had convinced me I was bisexual.
Speaker: Imagine theater people talking like that.
Speaker: She says she thought I was just going along with what was cool.
Speaker: She said, when I'm in a relationship with a man, casual friends and some family members joke that I picked the wrong side.
Speaker: Okay, I'm going to say it.
Speaker: That's kind of rude.
Speaker: Those are bad friends.
Speaker: She said, some people on social media even shame bisexual women for dating men.
Speaker: Why?
Speaker: First of all, I thought they were all about tolerance and everyone's included.
Speaker: But why?
Speaker: Why would they shame a bisexual woman for dating a man?
Speaker: If you're bisexual, you're attracted to men and women.
Speaker: What happened to tolerance?
Speaker: The article says, I often wonder, am I making my bisexuality up after all these years?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Am I just trying to be quirky?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And trendy too.
Speaker: Am I an unacceptable bisexual because I'm dating a man?
Speaker: Obviously not, but people's jokes sometimes get to me.
Speaker: Keep in mind, this is a grown woman who wrote this.
Speaker: This reads like a diary, not a professionally written essay.
Speaker: If this was an essay, I'd give it a big fat F. She goes on, here come the feelings now.
Speaker: It hurts a lot, and it's isolating.
Speaker: It's like there's nowhere I can turn to for support.
Speaker: Yeah, just your parents, friends, therapists, other people with similar situations, doctors, no one.
Speaker: But wait, there's more.
Speaker: She says, a common misconception is that bisexual people are promiscuous because they like everyone.
Speaker: But people get a little confused when they find out I also identify as asexual.
Speaker: Yeah, she said people get a little confused.
Speaker: Confused or irritated.
Speaker: She says, I don't feel a lot of sexual attraction.
Speaker: I might have sex once a month.
Speaker: All right, so you're already prepared for marriage.
Speaker: Sorry, married people.
Speaker: That was an easy joke.
Speaker: She said, I don't really derive any pleasure from the act itself or related activities.
Speaker: All right, well, maybe step one would be stop referring to sex as an act.
Speaker: And what are related activities?
Speaker: She says, it's mostly a thing I do because my partner is into it and I enjoy making him feel good.
Speaker: I'd be fine without it.
Speaker: How to lose a guy in 10 minutes.
Speaker: Like everything else, asexuality is a spectrum.
Speaker: It doesn't negate my bisexuality.
Speaker: We almost went a whole article without an amateur nation buzzword.
Speaker: Spectrum.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Now amateurs can breathe.
Speaker: She said, when I started asking questions about asexuality at age 16, no one believed me.
Speaker: Everyone told me I'd get it.
Speaker: It being sex and sexual attraction.
Speaker: Then they told me I had to at least try it.
Speaker: Now at 24,
Speaker: And having tried it, I'm pretty okay with the fact that I might never get it.
Speaker: As is the rest of the world.
Speaker: Please, do not procreate.
Speaker: But even now, asexuality is often talked about as a trendy new thing.
Speaker: It's not treated like a real identity people have, which makes me feel even more lost.
Speaker: I constantly feel like I have to prove myself to prove that I am queer enough.
Speaker: There's a sentence you hear every day.
Speaker: I'm sure men would be happy to watch you prove your queerness.
Speaker: To try to belong, I'm often outing myself at every turn so other queer people know I'm one of them.
Speaker: You know, like all amateurs who wear their sexuality on their sleeves because that's the only interesting thing about them.
Speaker: On the other hand, I have to justify myself all the time to straight people when they find out I'm queer so they don't treat me like I'm an attention seeker, which you are.
Speaker: I love my fiancé and he accepts me without blinking an eye.
Speaker: Well, yeah, he's a gay beta male.
Speaker: Still, he doesn't quite understand the heteronormativity shoved onto me because it's normal to him.
Speaker: Because to the outside world, we are a heterosexual couple.
Speaker: It makes me feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not.
Speaker: How about pretending to... Shut the fuck up!
Speaker: That lack of belonging is like a thrum under my skin that doesn't always go away, but there are times when it does.
Speaker: I admit I had to look up the word thrum.
Speaker: I never heard that word before.
Speaker: It means a continuous humming sound.
Speaker: So this thrum is sometimes there and sometimes not.
Speaker: Guess you have to write about it.
Speaker: Sometimes the ankle that I severely sprained in a motorcycle accident hurts.
Speaker: Sometimes it doesn't.
Speaker: I need a telethon.
Speaker: And now the gripping conclusion to this essay.
Speaker: Though I still feel invisible in most straight and queer spaces, I rely on the people who know me to help me feel like myself.
Speaker: Yeah, those are called friends.
Speaker: I'm ace and bi.
Speaker: My best friends don't think I'm faking being queer or not being queer enough.
Speaker: They see me for me, and they let me belong.
Speaker: Is this woman exhausting or what?
Speaker: This woman sums up amateur nation beautifully.
Speaker: Needs attention.
Speaker: Needs to be, she wants to be left alone and fit in, but in order to do that, she has to constantly mention how she doesn't fit in.
Speaker: She's special, but she's like everyone else.
Speaker: And she wants to fit in like everyone else, but she just can't.
Speaker: A, I'm willing to bet this woman, Maddie, is not even real.
Speaker: or she's not really asexual and bisexual.
Speaker: I think it's a fake article.
Speaker: B. Seeing that she's 24 and somehow has a man, a fiancé no less, and that this article was written with the mentality of a 10-year-old, this tells me this article targets children due to its simplicity.
Speaker: C. Note how this is all about feelings.
Speaker: There's no facts here.
Speaker: No mentions of research or so I talked to my parents, a medical doctor, a therapist, and I also did research.
Speaker: Just pandering to children, dumb, young, impressionable minds and basking in the I have feelings just like you.
Speaker: So since we share the awkwardness, that makes you special.
Speaker: Women, am I right, men?
Speaker: And now this.
Speaker: And now for step two.
Speaker: Topic number two.
Speaker: Dylan Mulvaney is back.
Speaker: And man, he must be on the rag because he's whinier than usual.
Speaker: And it turns out he just might be a real woman.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: From the Daily Wire, but found everywhere.
Speaker: Dylan Mulvaney blasted Bud Light in a video for not coming to his defense after the company's paid marketing engagement with him blew up in their faces, causing Anheuser-Busch to lose billions of dollars in market value.
Speaker: Mulvaney, a man who claims he is a woman, said that he wanted to address the issue because he had an uncomfy feeling that he wanted to get off his chest.
Speaker: Oh no, not uncomfy!
Speaker: And what chest?
Speaker: I took a brand deal with the company that I loved and I posted a sponsored video to my page.
Speaker: It must have been a slow news week because the way that this ad got blown up, you would have thought I was like on a billboard or on a TV commercial or something major, but no, it was just an Instagram video.
Speaker: A. Since 2016, there have been no slow news weeks.
Speaker: B. Last time I checked, there are over 1 billion people on Instagram.
Speaker: It's not a flyer at the grocery store bulletin board.
Speaker: I should have made this video months ago, but I didn't, and I was scared, he said.
Speaker: Well, yeah, you're just a little girl.
Speaker: It's natural to be scared.
Speaker: And I was scared of more backlash, and I felt personally guilty for what transpired.
Speaker: Is there a way to feel guilty that isn't personally?
Speaker: So I patiently waited for things to get better, but surprise, they haven't really, and I was waiting for the brand to reach out to me, but they never did.
Speaker: And for months now, I've been scared to leave my house.
Speaker: I have been ridiculed in public.
Speaker: I've been followed.
Speaker: Your charade, your insult to real women, your childish flamboyance cost Bud Light billions, and you're waiting for them to reach out to you?
Speaker: You're more ridiculous than you look.
Speaker: And good!
Speaker: Stay inside!
Speaker: Stay safe at home!
Speaker: By the way, here's an option.
Speaker: Lose the dress, hair, and makeup and go back to being a regular man, and I bet no one would recognize you, and you could coexist and walk around out in the public safely.
Speaker: But then again, what about the attention?!
Speaker: Leave it to a woman to not just let it go.
Speaker: Women, am I right men?
Speaker: Here's the genius of that joke.
Speaker: If Dylan Mulvaney really thinks she's a woman, then she should be offended at the much-used premise of women holding grudges and remembering every transgression against them.
Speaker: Transgression.
Speaker: God, I'm good.
Speaker: Real women, pro-women, understand that it's a joke against this man, Dylan Mulvaney, and then move on with their lives.
Speaker: But if Dylan isn't fully invested in being a woman and doesn't get offended...
Speaker: Then I guess the dresses, the childish prancing, the overdone makeup, and psychotic smiling was just window dressing.
Speaker: But then again, he's an amateur, starved for attention, so of course he's offended.
Speaker: You know...
Speaker: Rather than find a clever way to insert funny and relevant drops throughout this story, let's just plow through them, shall we?
Speaker: No, hell, this ain't gonna be good.
Speaker: Oh, are you kidding me?
Speaker: It's gonna be great!
Speaker: Let's dive into the drop archives and see how many drops fit this story about attention-starved, trends-gendered Dylan Mulvaney there are.
Speaker: And you're a man.
Speaker: Well, balls come and balls go when you think about it.
Speaker: Be yourself.
Speaker: Be yourself, be yourself.
Speaker: My dad used to punish me by telling me I was a girl.
Speaker: He used to make me wear dresses.
Speaker: I need girl talk.
Speaker: Did someone say girl talk?
Speaker: Don't you know about pussy?
Speaker: Gay!
Speaker: He's a complete amateur.
Speaker: He's a sissy.
Speaker: There, I said that.
Speaker: He's gay now.
Speaker: If that makes you feel any better.
Speaker: No wonder he's an ignoranus.
Speaker: Help, help, I'm being repressed!
Speaker: I am different.
Speaker: I am proud of it.
Speaker: Get used to it.
Speaker: Woo!
Speaker: Okay, shut up.
Speaker: All right, I don't care who you are.
Speaker: I don't care what you want.
Speaker: I knew I hated you for a good reason.
Speaker: I used to have a penis.
Speaker: I want somebody to pay a little attention to me.
Speaker: I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.
Speaker: Idiot.
Speaker: I think you're an asshole.
Speaker: Okay, he's an idiot.
Speaker: Okay, Louisa May, go play your ballerina ball.
Speaker: Just leave your penis in the bucket.
Speaker: Or maybe he's just a big homo.
Speaker: Could be.
Speaker: Please go home before I tell you you're acting like an idiot and make you cry.
Speaker: Pussy.
Speaker: Quit acting like a little bitch.
Speaker: Would a prepubescent girl be able to kick your ass?
Speaker: She had a lot of eyebrows for a chick anyway.
Speaker: Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum.
Speaker: So you want me to dress up like a girl and run around with pom-poms?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: That's a girl?
Speaker: Maybe you're not getting a joke.
Speaker: We get to dress like girls and act like girls.
Speaker: It's funny.
Speaker: What a strange person.
Speaker: When you say she, are you talking about a woman?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I think you're stupid.
Speaker: You are a shithead.
Speaker: You are no longer of any use to me.
Speaker: You've got problems.
Speaker: You make me puke.
Speaker: Women.
Speaker: Am I right, men?
Speaker: Every Thursday is Sneak Peek Thursday on all my social medias.
Speaker: Stalk and troll me.
Speaker: YouTube at Lou Santini.
Speaker: Facebook at Lou Santini Entertainment.
Speaker: Instagram at Lou.Santini3.
Speaker: Truth Social at Lou Santini3.
Speaker: And be sure to leave a review about this podcast on whatever platform you listen.
Speaker: The 2023 list of 250 Hollywood fascist perverts is out.
Speaker: And it's topic number three coming up next.
Speaker: The Honor and Remember flag is a nationally recognized symbol that sends a message of appreciation for the sacrifice made by our fallen heroes and their families.
Speaker: The flag flies at many NASCAR races around the country, and you can help honor our nation's fallen military members and remember the eternal sacrifice of their service by flying the flag too.
Speaker: Text FLAG to 71777 or visit honorandremember.org to learn more.
Speaker: Together, we remember them all.
Speaker: There's been an odd shift in human behavior over the last 15 plus years.
Speaker: A sense of entitlement, a constant need for attention, ironically coupled with the need to be left alone, a desire to be treated the same as everyone else, stupidly combined with the mindset of, I'm special, so treat me accordingly.
Speaker: Introducing the book, Amateur Nation, The Decline of Common Sense, Manners, and Social Skills, the second edition.
Speaker: Inside, you'll read...
Speaker: The Amateur Mission Statement.
Speaker: The 30 Truths About Amateurs.
Speaker: The Four Stages of Being an Amateur.
Speaker: Amateur Habitats and History.
Speaker: Social Media Plus Me, Me, Me Equals Amateur.
Speaker: Technology and Amateur Behavior.
Speaker: With dozens of real funny photos, weird signs, and laugh-out-loud real-life accounts and actual conversations vividly showing how us pros are surrounded by Amateur Nation every day.
Speaker: Download the expanded second edition of the e-book, Amateur Nation, The Decline of Common Sense Manners and Social Skills.
Speaker: The second expanded edition, available now.
Speaker: Be a pro.
Speaker: Go to Amazon.
Speaker: Type Amateur Nation.
Speaker: All right, now step three.
Speaker: Topic number three.
Speaker: Hit me!
Speaker: Man, I wish someone would stand up for the rights of underage, not fully physically, mentally, or sexually developed, unable to vote, smoke, drink, drive, or serve in the military.
Speaker: Kids!
Speaker: They should be allowed to irrevocably mutilate, castrate, and abuse their bodies and minds if they want to.
Speaker: From SummitNews.com, 250 Hollywood celebrities sign letter demanding big tech censor anyone who opposes trans surgeries on kids.
Speaker: The article says some 250 woke Hollywood celebrities from movies, TV, and music have signed their names to an open letter urging big tech companies to crack down on anyone who doesn't fall into line with the trans agenda, including advocating life-changing gender surgeries on children.
Speaker: Fascism alert!
Speaker: The letter was sent to the CEOs of Meta, YouTube, TikTok, and Twitter by GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, and the Human Rights Campaign, HRC, and was signed by hundreds of famous names.
Speaker: Oh, don't worry.
Speaker: I'll get to the list.
Speaker: It states that there has been a massive systemic failure.
Speaker: BEEP!
Speaker: Of course it's systemic.
Speaker: More on that later.
Speaker: To prohibit hate, harassment, and malicious anti-LGBTQ disinformation on your platforms, it must be addressed, pointing to dangerous posts, both content and ads, targeting transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people.
Speaker: Amateur Nation buzzword barrage alert.
Speaker: This disinformation...
Speaker: And hate, inadequately moderated on your platforms, plays an outsized role in the sharp increase in real-world anti-transgender targeting and violence.
Speaker: Mmm!
Speaker: I love me a good word salad.
Speaker: Healthy.
Speaker: Yay, plants.
Speaker: The letter further decrees, "...your policies of corresponding enforcement are inadequate when it comes to mitigating harmful and dangerous anti-LGBTQ content.
Speaker: You must urgently take action to protect trans and LGBTQ users on your platforms, including protecting us."
Speaker: From over enforcement and censorship.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: They actually said.
Speaker: We don't want to be censored.
Speaker: But it was okay for millions of people.
Speaker: To lose their social media accounts.
Speaker: And sometimes jobs.
Speaker: And have posts flagged.
Speaker: Including me.
Speaker: Who lost 5,000 plus followers.
Speaker: On my very first Instagram account years ago.
Speaker: But Amateur Nation is special.
Speaker: The article says the celebrities specifically cite tech companies allowing people to engage in dead naming and misgendering as a widespread mode of hate speech across all platforms, utilized to bully and harass prominent public figures while simultaneously expressing hatred and contempt.
Speaker: Translation, get our pronouns right because of the hurdy.
Speaker: Here's what I love about people who cry about being misgendered.
Speaker: What does me getting your make-believe world wrong do to you?
Speaker: It's in your head.
Speaker: If someone called me a woman or black or anything else that I'm clearly not, unless it's on a legal form or pertains to my profession, like in a bio or a stage introduction, it's just via the web or in everyday life, especially from someone I don't know.
Speaker: Why would I care?
Speaker: The letter then demands to know what the tech companies are going to do to address content that spreads malicious lies and disinformation about medically necessary health care for transgender youth.
Speaker: So, essentially, censor all those who don't want our nation's underage youth mutilated, castrated, and physically, mentally, and sexually abused.
Speaker: Quick question.
Speaker: What is the rush to alter children?
Speaker: They always say, well, they can start living their authentic lives early as possible.
Speaker: Well, that's actually the opposite.
Speaker: That is not their authentic life.
Speaker: What about just getting kids therapy?
Speaker: Did adults in amateur nation, gay, straight, trans, whatever, forget what it was like to be a child?
Speaker: I've heard of parents living through their children in sports and academics, but this...
Speaker: And now, as promised, a partial, partial list of celebrities who signed the petition.
Speaker: Now, let me tell you, the term celebrity is pretty loosely defined, apparently, because of the 250 celebrities, I only recognize 30.
Speaker: It doesn't mean that they're not, the other ones aren't famous.
Speaker: I don't know all the names or what they do, but these are the names that jumped out at me.
Speaker: Here are some of the amateurs on this list.
Speaker: I'll list the ones that I recognized alphabetically.
Speaker: Now, warning, this list is going to be mean.
Speaker: But A, who cares about kindness towards the attention-starved, clearly hiding something Hollywood pedophile types?
Speaker: And B, considering this list is made up of celebs who have been nothing but intolerant towards patriotic, civilized Americans and or don't have any business listing themselves as celebrities, C, Go fuck yourself.
Speaker: And now some of the celebrities on the list.
Speaker: Former U.S. Women's National Team soccer star Abby, I was formerly a role model for young girls who wanted to play soccer, but now I'm a disgrace Wambach.
Speaker: And of course, Alyssa, I'm empowered.
Speaker: No wait.
Speaker: I'm oppressed.
Speaker: No wait.
Speaker: Someone just look at me.
Speaker: Milano.
Speaker: Amy, I'm too chubby and talentless to even play a plastic doll like Barbie Schumer.
Speaker: Ariana, my name sounds like the latest offering from Taco Bell Grande.
Speaker: Bob the Drag Queen.
Speaker: You know, Bob the Drag Queen.
Speaker: Super famous celebrity.
Speaker: Busy, I'm famous for being the daughter of someone with real talent and also having a stupid first name, Phillips.
Speaker: Chelsea, I'm pretending to be happy that I'm a single, childless, alcoholic, unfunny comedian handler.
Speaker: Cynthia, acknowledge my lesbianism.
Speaker: Nixon.
Speaker: Dakota, I probably was exploited and touched by the Hollywood elite as a child actor fanning.
Speaker: Demi, my sexuality and identity changes with my blinking Lovato.
Speaker: Dylan, I'm a spastic little girl failing to be a woman Mulvaney.
Speaker: Elliot, I'm now a rugged 88-pound man Paige.
Speaker: Some idiot with one name, in all caps yet, named Fletcher.
Speaker: Gabrielle, I'm exploiting my stepson for profit while running my marriage like Jada Pinkett Smith union.
Speaker: Isaac, don't forget about my fashion, Mizrahi.
Speaker: Jamie Lee, I still say she's a man.
Speaker: Curtis.
Speaker: Jazz, I don't know what I'm even peeing out of anymore.
Speaker: Jennings.
Speaker: This one's a heartbreaker for me.
Speaker: Judd, how did I land a hottie like Leslie Mann Apatow?
Speaker: Kristen, oh yeah, that woman from Wicked, Chenoweth.
Speaker: Lena, the only way I'm famous is for being nude because I'm gross.
Speaker: Dunham.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: She's smoking hot.
Speaker: I know, amateurs.
Speaker: What does her appearance matter?
Speaker: It doesn't until she's naked multiple times on camera.
Speaker: Then I can't eat.
Speaker: Mandy, I'm still mad at my parents because they gave me a girl's name, Patinkin.
Speaker: Martha, I'm the ugly one in the Goonies, Plimpton.
Speaker: Michelle, I'm not even remotely funny, but thank God for affirmative action, Buteau.
Speaker: Her stand-up is unwatchable.
Speaker: I've done shows with her.
Speaker: It's painful.
Speaker: Padma, I should probably just get back into the kitchen, Lakshmi.
Speaker: Patrick, I'm going to die soon anyway, so what the hell, I'll be on this list, Stuart.
Speaker: Patty, my face is what men think of to last longer in bed, Lupone.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Rosario, I might be exotic looking now, but just wait until I'm 80.
Speaker: Dawson, Sean, my music sounds like the forgettable music you hear during the end credits of a rom-com, Mendes.
Speaker: Wanda, I've made my living sounding like a stereotypical angry black woman, which perpetuates the very thing black women hate, Sykes.
Speaker: And finally, Zoe, it's pretentious enough that my name is Zoe, but I still have to spell it with two O's, and I've made my career by opening my eyelids to their maximum while playing the same character in everything I've been in, DeChanel.
Speaker: Oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: Really, I do it all for you.
Speaker: And just think, these are the celebs that I recognized.
Speaker: You can peruse the list and make up your own fun.
Speaker: All right, it's time for a la carte.
Speaker: Let's dive in.
Speaker: You know, I admittedly dropped the ball.
Speaker: On July 14th, I hope you remembered to celebrate National Nude Day.
Speaker: For those who work from home, it's also known as Every Day.
Speaker: However, you still have time to get ready for July 21st, which is National Handjob Day.
Speaker: Fun fact, you can thank Japan for this one.
Speaker: Arigato!
Speaker: Amateur Nation, why would you possibly think that the government would pay off your college?
Speaker: Of course they tricked you.
Speaker: Biden is too busy giving hundreds of billions of dollars to another country that has nothing to do with us.
Speaker: That money is spent.
Speaker: Why would you possibly think they would take care of any American?
Speaker: You might have gone to college, but you learned nothing.
Speaker: But keep voting for the same liars.
Speaker: Only a true friend tells you the stuff you don't want to hear.
Speaker: Systemically, chronically, and continually oppressed black man LeBron James is demolishing his $37 million mansion to rebuild his dream home in Beverly Hills, where the largest population of oppressed people in the world live.
Speaker: Rumor has it it will have 20 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, a safe space to hide from all the oppression, and an entire wing built specifically for flopping.
Speaker: We've had some thunderstorms here in Ohio and that means a lot of rainbow sightings.
Speaker: Oh, just after Pride Month.
Speaker: Even the rainbows are over it.
Speaker: First, topless men with breast implants prancing around the White House lawn and now what is probably Hunter Biden's cocaine was found.
Speaker: I guess the drug sniffing dogs were pooping at the time.
Speaker: Such a respectable place, the White House.
Speaker: More like the frat house.
Speaker: Amateur potential head explosion alert!
Speaker: Did you know every living former U.S. President and President Coloring Book, who died many years ago but someone forgot to tell him, are direct descendants of slaveholders except Donald Trump.
Speaker: Amateur nations reply?
Speaker: Don't want to hear it!
Speaker: Speaking of things amateur nation doesn't want to hear, finally affirmative action in colleges is done.
Speaker: Just ask possible woman, Katangy Brown Jackson, who sits on the Supreme Court.
Speaker: Okay, Supreme Court, now let's do employment.
Speaker: I know, amateur nation, it's not fair.
Speaker: People should be hired and placed into important positions because of what they look like, especially if it's beyond their control.
Speaker: The very idea that amateurs get mad and say things like, now no black person will be able to succeed, proves their racism.
Speaker: In that they assume because someone is a minority, they're not skilled or qualified for something.
Speaker: What's that?
Speaker: That's not what you're saying?
Speaker: That's exactly what you're saying.
Speaker: By the way, did you know if amateur nation has a problem, it's always systemic.
Speaker: The system caused it.
Speaker: Not me.
Speaker: Not one person in one particular instance.
Speaker: Broke?
Speaker: Systemic poverty.
Speaker: Can't lose weight?
Speaker: Systemic fatness.
Speaker: Can't get laid?
Speaker: Systemic singlehood.
Speaker: Three things that are done right.
Speaker: These are called three pro things.
Speaker: Number one.
Speaker: You know, I talk about technology and social media in my book, Amateur Nation, The Decline of Common Sense Manners and Social Skills, available for download on Amazon.
Speaker: And the first pro thing is a post I found on Instagram from fan of the show, Callie Ray of fucking Sunshine.
Speaker: Here it is.
Speaker: Social media is designed to make you think, maybe I should be somewhere else, doing something else with someone else.
Speaker: But if you always think your happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.
Speaker: Number two.
Speaker: Real Arizona Governor Carrie Lake has a novel idea to make President Coloring Book start working for the American people.
Speaker: Listen.
Speaker: Maybe if we the people start bribing Joe Biden, they will start returning law and order.
Speaker: If we bribe him, perhaps he will start putting us, we the people, first and give a damn about our country.
Speaker: I am furious about this.
Speaker: We need him out of office.
Speaker: And I don't even think we can wait until 24.
Speaker: The man is corrupt.
Speaker: He's disgusting.
Speaker: I used to feel sorry for him because he's obviously facing some dementia or other issues.
Speaker: But now I don't.
Speaker: The man is a traitor to our country, and we need to get him out of office.
Speaker: He leaked government secrets.
Speaker: He's lucky they didn't shoot him.
Speaker: Yeah, the sad thing is we, the American people, have already been doing that in the form of extremely high taxes and inflation since that amateur took office.
Speaker: Number three.
Speaker: Having just returned from performing in Memphis, Tennessee for Freedom Fest, I'm reminded of a passage from my book, Amateur Nation, The Decline of Common Sense Manners and Social Skills.
Speaker: and the chapter entitled The Traveling Amateurs.
Speaker: If I may.
Speaker: Comedians complain about air travel, the bad food, the cramped seats, etc.
Speaker: But airlines have improved.
Speaker: The passengers have gotten worse.
Speaker: None of these amateurs know how to act in public, let alone on a crowded, cramped airplane.
Speaker: An amateur is a broad term I use for anyone who is doing life wrong.
Speaker: Self-indulgent, bad manners, no regard to those around them.
Speaker: There needs to be amateur airlines.
Speaker: An airline just for amateurs.
Speaker: The captain would come on the microphone before takeoff.
Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Amateur Airlines, the airline for passengers who are doing life wrong.
Speaker: We remind you that on Amateur Airlines, everyone is special.
Speaker: Societal rules and manners do not apply, so forget your sense of spatial and social awareness.
Speaker: Here are some of the rules on Amateur Airlines.
Speaker: Number one, talk loudly at all times.
Speaker: The ideal speaking volume would be like you're looking for your lost friend at a Metallica concert.
Speaker: Number two, for amateurs who brought their own food on board, kudos, we can smell the onion and curry in the cockpit.
Speaker: Number three, if you're in the middle seat, make your neighbors insane and place your arms, pillows, and large coats to overlap on the passengers next to you.
Speaker: Number four, when lowering your food tray, gently is not an option.
Speaker: Flip the switch and let gravity do the work.
Speaker: Number five, we ask that all electronic devices operate at full volume with no headphones.
Speaker: Our goal is to have 300 different movies, songs, and video games playing in a cramped, tight, stressful space.
Speaker: Number six, children should go unsupervised and undisciplined.
Speaker: Engage and disturb them, even if they're quiet.
Speaker: Don't forget, everyone is interested in your child.
Speaker: Number seven, when getting out of your seat, yank firmly on the headrest in front of you for leverage.
Speaker: You know, just like you would at home.
Speaker: Number eight, treat this plane just like your home.
Speaker: Burp, fart, and cough without covering your mouth until everyone has dysentery.
Speaker: And number nine, when we land, immediately begin speaking on your phone so loudly that you don't even need a phone.
Speaker: On other airlines, they tell you to sit back and relax, but this is amateur airlines, so there's no chance of that.
Speaker: So be loud, disruptive, and rude, and continue doing life wrong on amateur airlines.
Speaker: Have you seen my Dry Bar Comedy special?
Speaker: It's called Amateur Nation.
Speaker: You can find it at drybarcomedy.com slash L-O-U-S.
Speaker: If you send me something I use on this show, you get a free No Amateurs T. My email is lou at lou santini.com.
Speaker: Please tell someone about this show.
Speaker: Just copy the link from whatever platform you listen on and paste it to someone.
Speaker: I know you have a life to live, but if you're in the bathroom on your phone, post a review.
Speaker: See all my social medias at my main website, LouSantini.com.
Speaker: Amateur Nation is not just a podcast.
Speaker: It's a movement.
Speaker: Remember, amateurs, we see you.
Speaker: You're not at home.
Speaker: Don't do life wrong.
Speaker: Go pro.
Speaker: Don't be an amateur.
Speaker: For Amateur Nation, I'm Lou Santini, and this has been a big major production.
Speaker: He leaked government secrets.
Speaker: He's lucky they didn't shoot him.
