Transcript
Speaker: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Family Calm Flow podcast. I'm your host, Julie Marie, and I just wanted to send a warm welcome to anyone listening to this today.
Speaker: Whether you're just curious about learning more on family dynamics, you would like a specific relationship in your life, be it within your family members or your romantic partnership to improve, or your family is an actual crisis, I just want to say hello.
Speaker: You're not alone. And we would love to support you on this journey, however that looks for you. Most importantly, i also just want to say it is incredibly brave.
Speaker: And in my humble opinion, that does not matter at all because I do not get to dictate how you think or live your life. However, in my humble opinion, it is very intelligent to be curious about family dynamics.
Speaker: I think the traditional social rule in our society is that, right, we never talk about those three big topics, politics, religion, and money.
Speaker: But it we at least name those three, don't we? Yeah. We know we can't talk about them. Family dynamics are underneath the politics, the religion, and the money. So far, so much so that we can't even name we don't talk about family dynamics. It feels like such an unspoken social rule that we are not allowed to openly discuss family dynamics.
Speaker: And so in my humble opinion, like I said, i find it to be so brave and intelligent when people are like, no, we're i I need to know more about this. Let's bring this more out into the open. Yeah.
Speaker: I'll go into my own personal story in another show one day about how I came into doing this work and why I think it's so important.
Speaker: But first and foremost, I just wanted to extend a welcome and get you excited for what's to come on the show. So here on the Family Calm Flow podcast, we will have different segments.
Speaker: Some will be just me and whatever inspiration i am getting through my work with my clients. There may be times we have someone write in about a specific family. dynamic or romantic partnership that they want to discuss anonymously, in which case I'd be happy to answer.
Speaker: And i just want to preface and say it, saying this and making a promise to all of my listeners and clients that that I promise it will not be the normal general advice columnist-esque thing. um I think advice columnists can be so helpful in the world and there are so many good ones out there. But I know for me personally, having studied family dynamics to the extent that I have and knowing that it's not really helpful
Speaker: out there, that ah type of education is not out there in the open in the world. I can feel a little triggered sometimes by advice calm, call advice calmness, giving advice on family relationships and family dynamics.
Speaker: When it's not their area of expertise, because there's this old school unspoken rule book we have in families that, again, we don't acknowledge um in our society. And sometimes that advice can come from that playbook without people even realizing it. And therefore, it can feel incredibly dismissive to others reading it.
Speaker: Again, there are so many good ones out there. I don't mean it offensively to any advice columnist, but I just feel like I need to throw that out there because I've had other others reach out and just say like, oh, I've reached out for advice about this. And it's usually kind of the same thing.
Speaker: and And I mean it so lovingly because... You don't know what you don't know. um Those advice columnists probably have areas of expertise I know nothing about. um But sometimes I think in our world, we can normalize. We can just continuing continue to perpetuate normalizing unhealthy family dynamics. And here at Family Comflow, we want to make sure that we mitigate that and we kind of go in a different direction.
Speaker: Other segments will be me and my spouse, Ray, who obviously I'm biased, but he is just a hoot and a half. um He's so much fun, but also a very deep and reflective dude who's doing his own work in healing his nervous system, but also has a side passion for studying family dynamics as I do as well when he's not doing other things that are important to him, like working with computers and making his own music. He actually did my intro to the podcast.
Speaker: So not only will he and I delve into deeper conversations about family dynamics through our studies and our experiences, but when circumstances allow...
Speaker: We will also be recording our own vulnerable conversations where we can hopefully exemplify emotional safety when we're in tricky situations ourselves, in our marriage, in extended family issues, um I guess in kind of how our family is set up, things of that nature.
Speaker: um So that hopefully helps the listeners and our clients understand what maybe feels good for them and what doesn't feel so good for them.
Speaker: I want to preface this in saying we are not perfect. We are still a work in progress ourselves. But more or less, I know in helping my clients, sometimes they need to see something exemplified in order to fully understand it or understand what works for them instead of just talking about it over and over again and discussing the hypotheticals.
Speaker: I also am, we're also wanting to do that, um again, within healthy boundaries so that others don't feel so alone on this journey. I think that there can be really big taboos in emotional safety within couples. And we kind of want to be done with that taboo.
Speaker: I think that, in my opinion, that could really help for a more emotionally healthy world.
Speaker: Furthermore, there will be segments when I also interview others um that are experts in the field that would be under the scope of family dynamics, family communication, having healthy romantic partnerships, single individuals looking to shift into healthier dating or romantic partnerships, and I have had the privilege of being mentored by some of the most amazing authors, thinkers, coach coaches out there who have helped me in my healing journey and made my studies in family communication possible, quite honestly.
Speaker: So I am so excited to share all of them with you as well as um make other connections. I'm still in the process of networking with some other experts in the field that could really help people make sure that their families are safer and healthier spaces.
Speaker: And of course, I want to leave room for other forms of creativity to flow flow through this podcast. Since you're listening, I'd love to hear more about what might be helpful for you to hear on this podcast. And if you have any specific questions about a family or relationship dynamic that's got you stuck, I'd love to encourage you to reach out to our contact page. on our website, which is
Speaker: And com is spelled with two M's. So it's familycommflow.org. dot org You can submit as yourself or anonymous anonymously if you'd like a response to a question or scenario on the podcast. You can just put your first name or write in with a pen name. Whatever works for you. i want to just confirm that everything will stay confidential about your identity But whatever you're going through in a family dynamic, I know that when one person asks a question, it can reverberate and help so many other people and de-shame them for whatever issues are going on in their romantic relationships, um dating life, or the family, family systems.
Speaker: Whatever helps you feel most safe and grounded and where you can be supported, that's just how you can reach out and ask your question on our contact page. My areas of expertise and what my services help support are people who are healing from or hoping to reconnect after a family estrangement, couples needing a relationship reset and help in education and education in healthier communication patterns.
Speaker: I help my single clients prepare for healthy romantic partnerships in the future and shift out of some unhelpful dating dynamics.
Speaker: Sometimes some of those single clients want to go further and learn more about healthier family dynamics so that when they do find their partner and if they do want to have children of their own, they can just be ahead of the curve and just make sure that they create just a really beautiful, healthy family with with that person.
Speaker: And that can also entail later pets or you know if there's stepkids involved or just in-laws involved. You don't have to have children to create your own family. Other areas that I have helped clients are through are navigating challenging adult relationships within family systems. So parent and adult child, adult siblings, in-law dynamics, but emphasis on the word adults. I am not certified to work with children um and just want to make sure that that is clear.
Speaker: I have helped clients move through major family transitions in their life, such as having a new baby, loss, a move, any type of new routine or stressor that a family has,
Speaker: It can really shift family dynamics or bring family dynamics to light that used to work but don't anymore or were always harmful but you can't participate in that dynamic anymore after this new change in your life. So looking to shift that.
Speaker: I also want to mention that a huge major life transition that I've helped families move through is when there's newly revealed information. I'm going to leave that open ended because that can be many things, but sometimes we learn information. about our family, our family's history, or something going on within our family system that can really shake our family relationships. And I just want to throw out there that you know this is nothing to be ashamed of. and This is something that happens all the time.
Speaker: And receiving support for it is such a brave and honest thing to reach out for. So definitely have helped clients through such a thing as well. I have a six-month journey with individuals who are hoping to heal from long-term family trauma or long-term romantic partnership trauma where they can shift relationships with their family members or romantic partnerships going forward.
Speaker: um Again, a really brave journey to to take on. And working with families as a whole, um helping families shift from hurtful dynamics into healthier dynamics, helping families. We offer mediation services that are, again, non-legal. They are only relational mediations. But if there's a short-term issue like family unrest or distress where a mediator could really help resolve the issue, this could be something like family caregiving responsibilities, holiday family trauma, which I think we kind of all have sometimes, specific family members not being seen and heard, et cetera,
Speaker: And we also work with families who aren't even in crisis. And you don't have to be in crisis to receive services either.
Speaker: Family members or couples who aren't exactly in the need of healing or are in crisis mode. but are looking to find more connection and deepen their emotional safety with one another.
Speaker: We are here for that support as well. Sometimes the family group shift you have doesn't have to be about a huge family event or family trauma. It can be about, you know, there are these ways we've related to each other that have never worked and we'd really like to not have to deal with that anymore. um I feel like I've worked with clients who were are like, I didn't even realize you could shift something like this. And, know, Yay, you can.
Speaker: um So Family Calm Flow is here to support all of the things i just spoke of, and we'd be so grateful to have you. i also want to normalize that feeling shame. about reaching out for support for a family dynamic problem is so normal. Again, I want to normalize it because our culture puts so much pressure on coming off as the perfect family, right? I think we all kind of grew up with this dynamic in the world that, oh, well, we have it together. We're not like that family.
Speaker: That family has so many problems. Right? And the truth is, is that because we are not taught in elementary school or middle school, high school, how to have healthy relationship dynamics, none of us know how to do it.
Speaker: And it's just... it's just normal. It's, it's it's unfortunately um something that is normalized in our culture is that, Oh, we don't get this type of education and family communication or family dynamics. And so then we all go off and we have romantic relationships or we start our own families with our own kids, or we are single and having issues with dynamics with cousins or aunts and uncles or siblings. Um,
Speaker: And we're all supposed to just kind of grin and bear it or deal with it or think, oh, this can't change when it absolutely can. And i I really want to send that hope throughout the world that having an emotionally safe family is absolutely possible if you're willing to kind of do the work and shift patterns that may not even be conscious to you, that might not even be something you're aware of that you're participating in.
Speaker: um But again, this education is not available to everyone. I'm hoping at Family Calm Flow that we mitigate that. um So it is going to feel, it is going to be very normal if you're feeling shame about reaching out for services, but just want to say there is nothing to be ashamed of. I've had to use so much of what I've studied in my own life because I didn't know how to have healthy family dynamics myself.
Speaker: And it's just this ongoing education in my life that I will forever do. It feels very much like my purpose on in this lifetime on this planet.
Speaker: So again, thank you so much for being here today. i hope that this podcast is giving clarity of what to expect going forward. Have a wonderful day. And we hope to see you in future podcasts, have you listening in future podcasts, as well as reach out to us on the contact page at familyconflow.org.
Speaker: Take care, everybody.
