Nonsensical Nonsense 324 Dont be an asshole

Transcript

Speaker: Thanks.

Speaker: Yeah, buddy. Yeah. What's going on, everybody? Happy Wednesday. A long time. A new sea.

Speaker: Yeah, it is. Took Monday off. Peep the shirt, y 'all, right there. Try it on a small town. Fuck around and find out. Not since it's podcast, baby. Took Monday off. So full family day pumpkin patch and scary movies and all that shit. But any who, we back. We're in action.

Speaker: That's Jeff. I'm Glick together. We make nonsense. School nonsense podcast chairs, chairs, everybody chair. Yeah. It's been out already. Go ahead and give us a follow on them socials, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the tick tock. You can also hang out with us live Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday.

Speaker: on YouTube, Facebook, and yes, we are on Twitch as well. And if you can't join us live, you can listen to us anytime, any place on Zincaster, Spotify, everywhere you listen to podcasts, all at nonsensical nonsense podcast, or you can simply go to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. And if you're watching us live, you're watching the replay is right there at the bottom of the screen. That's going to give you all them links and the links to

Speaker: our sponsors as well. Make sure if you go check them out and give them a visit before you check out, you use our promo code words are hard. Save you some, some cash. All that. If you will, what's going on? Shatter's box already in the building. We see you guys. What's up everybody. Hopefully you guys are having a good week so far. It is Wednesday. To you too. To everybody.

Speaker: chairs. Everybody chairs. I'm sorry. That'll never get old. What do you want? Did you eat dinner? Yeah. Okay. We'll go watch TV. Yeah. What's up, dude? What's going on, man? Oh, you know, busy, busy, busy. Uh, you know, we were chatting before the show. I literally

Speaker: I haven't had time to breathe in the past couple of days, work -wise. Your work is just as stressful as mine. I'd never say anything. Work is more stressful than another, but there's days.

Speaker: What up, motherfucker? Yeah, I forgot. You take a fucking nap during the day. Fuck you. Oh, you know, I mean, I don't have a lot of stresses. I'm not saying there's not any stresses, but, you know, I have my I have my days where there's stress, you know, but, you know, I can honestly say for the most part, for the most part, a lot of stress. But but. I've worked for many years.

Speaker: This is the first job that I've ever had, that I have little to no stress at. First job ever. Well, yeah, I mean, this is the first job ever where I've had this much stress. So I'm kind of the opposite. Most jobs at Ford, you know, and working here, most jobs I would get here are commission only.

Speaker: means you don't sell, you don't eat, you know, uh, where this one, I get a small salary plus my commission, but I've never heard for money in this job, but the stress level is just through the roof some days. And what up, Andy, this week has kind of been like that. Other than that, everything's going good. Like I said, uh, started a new TV show. I'm really liking it.

Speaker: I don't get a whole lot of time to watch it. Fuck you. I know where my ranch is at all time. I have a ranch. That's you living with me now. So trust me, I have multiple flavors of ranch and we know where it's at at all times. Watching a new show. Yeah. Well, like I said, I know, I know for a fact you would not, uh, I don't know. You might watch an episode.

Speaker: but you would definitely, yeah, this isn't me. It's very, it's political. It's, it's, it's kind of like, I don't know. It's a serious version of news radio, but it deals with, I mean, we all remember news radio. It's, it's, it's the West Wing meets a newsroom, basically. Very serious show. It's actually pretty good. It does start Jeff Danny. I mean, Jeff Danny.

Speaker: We've all seen that clip where it's Jeff Daniels on a panel and everybody's like the one girl asked in the crowd, let's make America great. He's like, it's not. And then he gives all these reasons. Yeah. I don't know if you've seen that, but yeah, it's actually that show. It's actually really good. Gotcha. What is this random new fad?

Speaker: I know, right. Can I join? I don't know anything about you, bro. Chacho. Yeah, it's, it's not that kind of film. Come back Saturday and I'll let you join. We learned our lesson chairs. But yeah, you know, like I said, um,

Speaker: I saw you guys went to the pumpkin patch, mildly jealous, except for the fact that the weather, uh, weather was, um, came from Denmark. Nice. Well, I'll tell you what you come back, you hang out tonight in the chatters box and you come back Saturday. And, uh, thank you, Chris. And I'll bring you up. Saturday is more of the, uh, uh,

Speaker: free for all. I don't know. Let's end the show on time. Just kidding. Brian's here. Let's go another three hours. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I figured. Uh, literally I got officers Saturday and I went. Yeah. Um, but yeah, no, the weather was, I mean, it was gray and gloomy, but it wasn't too cold. It was a part dude. It was like perfect. Uh, perfect fall weather. Like it wasn't cold. It was a little crisp in the air. Perfect for going to a pumpkin patch.

Speaker: Um, and um, you know, we went and did that. We had fun. That's why I didn't do the show Monday. Um, well, you also said Nicky had to work. Yeah. Nicky had to work Tuesday, which was typically our, our like family movie night and stuff like that. So, um, so we did it Monday instead. Watched an excellent fucking movie. Oh my God.

Speaker: random. Yeah, that's random. It's all beard there. PJ deal. But watch the excellent, excellent movie Monday night scared the hell I'm talking

Speaker: Jump, scream, scare, all three of the things, scare Nicky multiple times. It's called Boogie Man. It's a brand new movie. I won't check it out. I'll probably wet myself. It's all beard. It's all beard. Just be jealous. What I'm doing.

Speaker: I thought about doing the show last night for Monday night. I was like, man, I don't really feel like it. Fuck it. You know, at the end of the day, you said, you said you, uh, you guys went out to eat didn't settle right. Correct. No, Monday, we went to a Chinese buffet and it fucking tore my stomach up seven ways from Sunday. Um, so I didn't sleep at all Monday night. I didn't sleep at all last. I'm fucking, I'm fucking exhausted, man.

Speaker: It's something man. It's it's it's it's been something. There's been a straight up straight up **** IV drip at the end of the day but since I wasn't here Monday, I want to take a few minutes because typically on Mondays, I do a little

Speaker: Yeah. Nothing, nothing major happened. You know, most games went away. You thought they were going to go, uh, for the most part, with the exception of two very big upsets. The first upset being the jets of all fucking teams beating the, uh, the Philadelphia Eagles and ruining their,

Speaker: Yeah, the Eagles lost and they were undefeated, but the Jets came in and said, eh, that's about enough of that. And beat them. And then probably the biggest news out of Sunday. Was another unbeaten team, a juggernaut, an absolute juggernaut of a football team. Happy for the Jets. I ain't mad at the Jets man. I'm happy for him too. An absolute juggernaut of a team comes into.

Speaker: Small Northeast Ohio town, best team in the NFL, all around best offense, best defense. They come into Cleveland and get their dicks knocked in the dirt by them dogs, baby. Cleveland showed they are the number one defense in the league, handed the San Francisco 49ers their first loss of the season and held them to like next to nothing. That defense was all over them.

Speaker: Took out their running back, injured their linemen. Boo hoo, boo hoo 49er fans. Go fuck yourselves. You wanna cry about the referees? Deal with it. We deal with it every Sunday getting screwed over by the refs. And there was one bad call that didn't go your fucking way. Shut up. You wanna cry cuz your running back got hurt in the fourth quarter? You wanna cry because you're

Speaker: Lineman got hurt in the third quarter and he went a lot wine because your wide receiver got hurt in the second quarter. We came into that game without a quarterback. We came into the game starting the game with a third string quarterback. With a starting running back that didn't even have a job until three weeks ago. And missing two of our key players on the offensive line.

Speaker: We started the game that way. It was a close game. It was 19 to 17. And, uh, but either way, on the end of your seat, I was in my buddy's house. He's the big 49ers fan, but it literally came down to the last second field goal. I don't know what the fuck the 49ers were doing. It was some shitty as clock management.

Speaker: At the end of the day, they still had a time out. There was like 40 seconds left on the clock. They come out, they run it all the way down to 10 seconds instead of running a play. Call the timeout, bring their kicker up who, I mean, in all honesty, their kicker up until Sunday was nine for nine. He was perfect. He was a hundred percent. He missed one earlier in the game and coming in from 41 yards out wide, right? Nobody can bet a thousand.

Speaker: But you had time on the clock where you could have got a playoff, maybe got closer. Maybe got two points.

Speaker: giving them a better chance the way they gave it. You guys did some fun. It was kind of like, it was kind of like a football fans. You guys will remember this. It was kind of like when the Seattle Seahawks were in the super bowl against the new England Patriots led by Tom Brady. And you got the best running back in the league on your team Seattle. And you've got a fourth and one or fourth and half a yard on the goal line at the end of the game. And you throw some stupid ass pass that gets intercepted in the end zone.

Speaker: Well, you think that would not be a reason to bring in the kicker or, uh, this past game, 40 diners bringing in kicker. It stops that, that interception from happening. Well, yeah, but they could have ran the ball. It's one of those things where, yeah, anything can happen. You can fumble the ball. You can throw an interception. You don't know.

Speaker: But you had time to get a little bit closer. I'm just like, I ain't mad at them. I'm glad that they decided to do some weird clock management bullshit. And finally, the football gods smiled down upon Cleveland for the first time since they came back in 1999. They looked down upon them and smiled and said, this one's for them dogs. And us dogs appreciated it greatly. So all Cleveland fans, I'm going to speak for all of us right now.

Speaker: across the world, we have been riding a high all week. It wasn't victory Monday. It's victory week. We're going to ride it all the way into Sunday when we got some stupid ass little, little baby horses that we're going to have to put down and send to the glue factory, Indianapolis Colts with potentially our third string quarterback and a running back who didn't have a job in our top tier number one ranked defense in the league. Tell me I'm lying.

Speaker: Okay. You're live. Actually, I'm actually, I did. I actually won fantasy football this week. Yeah. All those fantasy football guys. I did win. This is my second one. Well, nonsensical nonsense. Uh, try that in a small town, fuck around and find out to you. Sure. Yeah. That's another news.

Speaker: You know, if I'm happy, man, you got two wins so far on the season. You're not in last place. And I mean, I went three and oh in my three leagues. And our league. I mean, I am. The top dog in our league and nobody's better than me. Twice.

Speaker: Oh, sorry, I hit the wrong button. I guess I'm going to have to buy myself a prize back this year. Pretty much.

Speaker: Like I said, I will just add fuel to my fire and my ego being the champ and being the greatest of all time. And I will say, I will say shut up Tony D and fantasy belt kicks football. Go ahead and check them out Sunday mornings. And Tony's league. I've started out dead last and in the last four weeks I've gone from 10 all the way to three motherfuckers and I'm still climbing. I'm coming for that number one spot. Golf Hawk.

Speaker: I'm going to be the chair. I told you fuckers. I was coming for that championship this year. After you screwed me last year, my league, my league, my paleo, it's a little bit different. My thing is, my thing is, is I want out of this year's fantasy football, this is my first year playing. I only want one thing. I want to beat each of you once.

Speaker: I don't care if I win the whole **** lot. I just I don't know how scared when we did play. I think we'll play each other again. I'm not lying. You did have to be scared for a second. I was like, I am not going to lose because I'll never I will personally never hear the end of it. The other two never. Every time the chat comes up. Yeah, but who lost in fantasy football? Right? Me, the non sports guy. But at the end of the day,

Speaker: Worst case scenario at the end of the day, in our league, in the podcast league, worst case scenario, we split and go one, and I go one and one against you. At least I'm not getting swept by you, which would have been even worse. Well, once I plan to sweep the shit out of Brian, that's my main goal. If I can beat each team once, I'll be happy.

Speaker: because the non -sports guys beat these veterans of sports and I can never let them forget it. 50 years from now, they'll be like, remember that time I beat you in fantasy football? That's right, motherfucker. Plus, like you said, this is your, this is your first year. Right. You know, next year will be a little bit easier for you. I'll have a little bit more of an understanding for it. Um, actually, let's see here.

Speaker: Oh well, Mr Big Mouth, Mr Big Nuts. You get your crack at the champ next week. Oh, nice. Look at that. Week 8. I hope there's some injuries on your teeth. I'm just saying. They're already there. I only have one question. I'm OK with that.

Speaker: Well, I don't, I don't look at next week yet. I mean, we're in this week. So no, this week, I mean, you got Barkley. It's question. Yeah. Barkley. Yeah. Barkley will play, but it's going to be close because I am projecting one 19 and team push is one 18. So it's going to be really close. Yeah. I wouldn't stress too much about those projections. You never know what's going to happen.

Speaker: You don't know who's going to watch. I wait until Monday morning. Look, I want, you know, I, I got, I got lucky this week in Miley, my, my Paley. Cause I've got, I had San Francisco's quarterback running back and defense playing for me Sunday. And they got their dicks knocked in the dirt by Cleveland. And it was just like, well, that was eventful. I don't know what out of victory, but I did.

Speaker: I even won in Tony's league and I have like five of my players, four or five of my players were all 49ers. But yeah, like I said, fantasy football, my league is a very tough league. Everybody knows what they're doing. Everybody's sports fans. Everybody pays attention. I have a very active league.

Speaker: right? And that's why everybody's so close with the one exception. But I don't even think she thought that the players she drafted were going to have the year that they're having so far. Um, so it really is kind of a crack shoot no matter what. Because, you know, it's it's much like life. It shit happens, you know, in a rule with fun. So I mean, at the end of the day,

Speaker: Um, we'll keep going. We'll keep rolling, rolling with it, running with the, you know, you know, basically your goal is to be the top four teams. So you're in the champ and one of the top four teams. So you're in the championship. Yeah. You make it to the playoffs and you're in the championship run. Um, and like, you know, I'm one in our league, three in Tony's league. And I think I'm three or four in my league. So I'm still in the.

Speaker: I'm still in the running. And once you get to the championship, you never know what's going to fucking happen. Yeah. Let the cards play out. I'm just saying. And as long as you come in third place at Miley, you're going to win some money. You're going to get your money back at you that you put in and then a little bit more. So that's, you know, I don't want to know what I'm shooting for at least. Yeah, I want to win it all, but I'm shooting for a top three finish.

Speaker: If I win our league, I will never let you guys look at that. That's a big if you're going to need a lot of things to happen. I know. I know it is. It is a big if, but you know, it's not impossible. I mean, it's not, I mean, like I said, you know, four weeks ago, four, four weeks ago, I was in dead ass last place in Tony's league. Now I'm sitting in third place. Exactly. You go on a run. You'll start climbing.

Speaker: You know, Tony's league's pretty easy to do because I don't think half the league is fucking paying attention as it is. So, you know, let's be honest. I don't pay attention at all. I check it on Monday morning and Wednesday. Yeah. And I'll make sure you check, you know, I help you before the show on Wednesday and make sure you double check it by Sunday. Yeah. I, you know, I, I, that's not necessarily true. I don't, I do check it. I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker: But, uh, this week I checked it Friday and then completely forgot about it. And then check it to get them on it. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do? Yeah, it happens. It is. Yep. There's about it. It just happens.

Speaker: Yeah, like you said, I think most of the games Sunday and Monday went how people expected him to go. Nothing major outside of the Jets, beating the Eagles and the Browns, surprising that hell out of the entire, not only, not only the San Francisco 49ers, but the entire NFL world. But I'll take it. They said the PJ Walker was our third or 36th starting quarterback.

Speaker: since they came back in 99, which is a league record. And we were tied with the bear with the most starters in a season for the 10th season. We've had three starters this year for the 10th season in a row. So we've tied with the bears over winning. That's all it matters. We have a positive record about losing second place in the first. Yep.

Speaker: We have a positive record coming out of three and two. Still got a long season ahead of us, but. But looking at the records, looking at paper, the season gets a lot easier for us moving down the stretch. So. Outside of sports. Now we're going to talk about NBA pass.

Speaker: Hey, Jeff. Yeah, you know. That the WNBA is in their playoffs right now. Yeah, neither did anybody else. There was.

Speaker: Uh, so this is, this is, this is how little, uh, you know, I'm kind of shocked. I'm kind of shocked at all honesty, because where's all the Brittany grainer supporters that we're going to go to all the games were such huge WNBA fans, Tony D. How many games have you been to this season? How many games have you watched? Oh, wait, it's not on TV. Nevermind. But, uh, there was that came out the other day and said, um,

Speaker: Las Vegas took a three to one lead in the series against Atlanta. And I don't even think that's the two teams. I'm just throwing two cities out there because I don't fucking care. But in actuality, the truth was the other team was three and oh, or three and one in the series. I get like Atlanta. Nobody even noticed. Nobody even fucking care.

Speaker: Actually, I actually have a comment about this, you know, the the WNBA players constantly played they actually paid as much as the men They're paid more then yeah if you if you look at the because they you you actually the players get paid by percentage of what the NBA makes and their percentages like

Speaker: The WNBA's percentage is 3 % higher than the regular NBA. Yeah. So. Tech three girls are doing good. Shut up and play ball. Take your, take your $10 and 15 cents pay check and shut the fuck up. Exactly. You playing this. It comes down to one simple fact. If you can't get people to show up for the fucking game, you're not going to get paid.

Speaker: Exactly. And I've never seen anybody wear WNBA merch. I don't even think third world countries are wearing them. I was going to say, can you buy WNBA merch? Yeah, I think you can. Yeah, I'll tell you. Hold on. I was going to say. Maybe you're going to go into fanatics and buy it. That's where you get all your sports stuff from. But it's like, I would assume that the women's soccer team for US gets

Speaker: More fans than the WNBA. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can buy Jeff. How many teams do you think there are in the WNBA? Oh, 25. Wow, dude. I mean, no, there's 12. Oh, well, there you go. Let's play a game. Okay. I'm ready. I'm going to give you the team's name.

Speaker: You guessed the city. Oh yeah. I'm gonna be great at this. Most of them are in major cities. Yeah. I didn't even know Vegas had a seat by the way. What's that? I didn't know Vegas had a seat. I didn't know they did either. I don't think they do. Well, you mentioned it a minute ago. Yeah, no, I was just throwing shit out of my head. The dream. The dream?

Speaker: Yeah, Detroit. Detroit doesn't have a team. I'll give you a hint. The dream is based out of the South. Georgia. Right state. Big city. Georgetown. I think Georgetown is in North Carolina. I was gonna say I overshot. Yeah.

Speaker: Okay, maybe I should have questioned your geography skills In high school, we had to learn all 50 states and capitals and I ate the fucking test as soon as the test was over forgot it all So you got yeah Atlanta dream Yeah, oh they just does have a team so I was right with

Speaker: Biggest aces. You got the Chicago Sky. Fucking Connecticut Suns. Congratulations, Connecticut. I guess you have a professional sports team. I would say your lady Huskies at UConn is more. I would say that the high school men's boys team could be.

Speaker: I think the lady Huskies up at Yukon could probably take the Connecticut son in a basketball game. They're usually pretty good. And you got the Dallas wings. Las Angeles Sparks, the Minnesota Lynx, New York Liberty.

Speaker: Washington mystics. I don't know if that's Washington state or I would assume states as it doesn't would be Washington state, Seattle storm who stole the old Seattle super Sonic's logo and the Phoenix Mercury. And then you also have the Indiana fever. You can absolutely look into that COVID thing, didn't they?

Speaker: You can absolutely get gear. I would probably say New York and Los Angeles. What would you say? OK, so. I would guesstimate that the most famous player is Brittany Dragon, correct? No, they had like Leslie Sparks and shit like that back in the day. No, I'm saying right now. Oh, I couldn't tell you. I don't even think she's the most. And the reason why I asked is how much is her jersey go for? I don't even know what the hell team she plays on.

Speaker: I don't need it. I don't need to look it up here. Um. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Speaker: What team does she play for? That's what I'm trying to check. I don't want to be wrong. It looks like a team does Brittany Griner play for. I suppose for the Mercury Phoenix Phoenix. Yeah, whatever. Nobody cares.

Speaker: Wow, you guys just like completely ripped off the Phoenix Suns, but that's cool. Yeah, her jerseys are regularly $100, but there's a sale on fanatics right now across the across the. Yeah board and you can get it for $75. And OK and and LeBron J LeBron. Jersey, right?

Speaker: Gibb Rowan James Lakers jerseys. $120 not on sale. $200 not on sale. This is the LeBron James Los Angeles Lakers Jordan Brand authentic player Jersey statement edition. Purple $200. $90.

Speaker: This is the unisex jersey. $90 for a youth jersey. Then I just got some plain old jerseys that are 55, but regularly 80. $200, $100. I mean, they still got fucking Magic Johnson jerseys that are $100. $35.

Speaker: But like, even as you said, where are all these these fans that helped get me get Brittany Briner out of fucking Russia? They're not showing up for fucking games. Well, that's probably because they're busy, like moving to Canada and stuff. Oh, well, that is. So, you know, they can't. You know, they're fleeing our God awful country.

Speaker: because the big old bad orange man. Yeah. The big old bully, the orange man. Yeah, no, no, words hurt me. Fuck your feelings, little bitches. I agree. Fuck your feelings.

Speaker: Uh, I can, I'll tell you what, what the way the economy is right now, I could use a mean week right now. Right. Um, listen for our haters. Earlier this week, I was scrolling through TikTok and this fat trailer park trash welfare, you know, Biden's support and skank.

Speaker: what's going on and on about the Jason Aldean, try it in a small town. I thought that was done in our book. Really, it's not. She's from up north. And apparently she thinks she's smart because she goes, hey, y 'all, look here. Bless your heart. But that song is expeditiously racist.

Speaker: So just because she fakes a Southern accent, I know that wasn't a Southern accent, but she fakes a Southern accent, talks slow and apparently has her word calendar. She thinks she's fucking smarter than everybody else. Kind of was like, huh, we follow each other. I wonder why. And I was like, I was scrolling through it. I was like, well, apparently she followed me one night when, when Nikki and I were alive and I just follow everybody back. But I don't like her content because she's a garbage human being click unfollow. Yeah. See.

Speaker: Didn't like it. So I just didn't follow I did five years to go Hey I was gonna go goddamn Forrest Gump had a sister that was more retarded than him son of a bitch Speaking of which there is a mean speaking of Forrest Gump. There's a meme out And bear with me because I want to find it The mean state that

Speaker: What's the captain's name Taylor Swift? Travis Kelsey. He looks like Forrest Gump walking with Jenny. Nice. You got to see his feet. And when you see the picture, you can't unsee it. Nice. I'm so sick and tired of hearing about those two goddamn goofballs.

Speaker: Oh, look at that. I found it that fast. Cash cash. Are you playing Legos and then Jago? Nice. Apparently, you got an achievement and I just got a notification. Oh, look at that.

Speaker: For my Xbox app. Yeah. You're fine. I just. I finally got to pass the fight where I never. In terms of the people that are shooting at me, they can respond so. They're what? They can respond? I'm son of a bitches. People that respond. OK, check it out.

Speaker: I mean, that means they're not raw. Nice. But actually, that popped up on my Instagram the other day. I love you, Taylor. I love you, Taylor. I know. I may not be a smart man, but I know you got more money.

Speaker: And nobody ever accused this, the Kelsey brothers of being smart. They are some, I like, I like Travis and Jason Kelsey. Those they're, they're cool dudes. Kelsey seems like the absolute life of a party. Like as far as NFL players ago, if I was going to go to a party where we were going to be drinking and having a good time, uh, Kelsey and Gronk would be number one and two on my guest list. Oh,

Speaker: I'm thinking of that same party. I always look at Tom Brady and go, he's not going to show up tomorrow. It's in the cabinet where the other battery is. Well, the cord should be in there. I don't see it. Look all around. It was plugged into the Xbox. Better be here. I'm going to kill one of your sisters. I remember that. But speaking of that party where

Speaker: by some miracle, you and I are drinking and hanging out a bunch of football players. Uh, professional football players. I hope it's on national throat, door people day. Fuck you, by the way. I missed it so much. It was the other day. Um, but, well, we're scheduled for next year. When I, when I, when I look at, when I look at pictures of Tom Brady, he's not going to that party. I'll tell you what, man.

Speaker: I tell you what, uh, you know, and I think a lot of it had to do with the, with, with the, with the Patriots organization and Bella check. And, and you know, when Brady was there, he was real straight lays like boring, you know, but when he went down to Tampa and they won that Superbowl, they had to boat parade. This man was fucking lit.

Speaker: Yeah. Well, he just won the Super Bowl. Number one. Number two. Well, even when they won the Super Bowl multiple times, you know, powerful, of course, when you're in Florida to get fucking hammered. But he was having a ball down there. I mean, like you took the goddamn Lombardi trophy, the Super Bowl championship trophy and threw it from one boat to another boat to his wide receiver. I look all up in there and see. I did. Well, guys, where's the other batter?

Speaker: Well, go ask buggy if she knows charger or phone None of their phones take that charger That's what issue I have They know better that charger does not leave the Xbox Yeah If I tell you not to jump off a fucking bridge you'll jump right away don't fucking lie, you know you will I won't

Speaker: Have we? No, I wouldn't. Fine. If I tell you not to drink that fucking beer, what are you going to fucking do? I'm going to drink the fucking beer and throw the empty beer. So you tell your kids, don't touch this fucking charger cable. What are they going to do? They're going to touch the fucking charger cable. Call you. I have the same problem. I have one charger in my office. It charges my phone, my headphones and my computer. And every time I turn around, a fuck is missing.

Speaker: Which is why I put a lock on this door. Because now nobody can open it for me. Because I have the key attached to my hip. It's attached to my wallet chain. Just set the battery on the TV stand for right now. I don't know. I can't come out there and look for it. It's not like we're doing a show here.

Speaker: It's the goddamn girls and then no, none of them never know anything. I'm taking my goddamn cord for my microphone and use that for a charger and then go, I don't know. And then it's sitting on their sink, plugged into one of the, don't you wish you had the ability to micro weld? Oh, I can fucking gorilla glue some stuff.

Speaker: Well, that's the same thing. I was like, if I knew how to micro weld, I'd micro weld my chargers into the phone or into whatever they need so that they can't be taken out. I probably have 30 fucking charger cables. Can't find any of them. Can't find a single one. The only one that can be found easily is my wife's iPhone charger because she's the only one who uses an iPhone.

Speaker: Oh, I have my work phone, my work iPhone charger in here. Cause I got an iPhone for work. Right. Austin cause she has an iPhone. Can I borrow this? Where's your charger? I live to the Obama's. Yes. Bring it back down here tomorrow morning. When you hear it, when you go to work, I haven't seen it since. I have not seen it since charging blocks. I've, I had one in my car specifically, so I didn't have to take the one out of the house. It somehow came up missing.

Speaker: I don't know what happened to it, Ben. By the way, I'm a no -smoke cigarette. I literally storm around the house every once in a while and go, is nothing fucking sacred? And then, of course, I spat off my parents' line. I just, I guess I can't have anything. Ever.

Speaker: It's either ruined, destroyed, or lost. I'm my paintball gun and start freezing paintballs. And every time something of mine comes, I miss them. I'm going to start going to shoot. I'm just going to start shooting them until it's found. Is that child abuse? No, it's called good parents. Those two sons of bitches, as we said before on my show.

Speaker: or on the show. There's two sons of bitches. I don't know. And it wasn't me if I ever find them two motherfuckers and get my hands off. I don't know. It's game on. I literally have two kids. I know my wife didn't take it. I know I didn't take it. But my kids are like, I don't know. With me.

Speaker: I never find those two motherfuckers. They're going to get it. It wasn't me. And I don't know. I'm going to hang them with that charter table once I find it. Yeah. I'm like, and I'm going to beat them with my championship belt. It's like, so I have, as you know, I have the TV here in the office. Well, my wife, uh, brother and sister was here. We have four TVs in the house.

Speaker: Not including my office TV. Well, there's six people now. My wife and I are watching TV upstairs. There's TV in the kid's bedroom. There's a TV in the living room and then the one in our bedroom. And for some reason, my son comes in here and starts watching TV. I'm like, what are you doing in my office? Oh, watch TV. Uh, there's fucking four other TVs in this house. What are you doing? Nope. Get out. Yeah. Get out.

Speaker: Because, you know, he'll come in here and he'll grab my keyboard and set it way up here. And I'm like, you know, you break that fucking keyboard or you break the cable for it or break the cable for my mouse. And I don't find out till Monday morning when I actually have to work. Somebody's gonna get killed and that ain't gonna be me. Or he'll move everything and he'll have like four open drinks. Like he leaves the bottle cap off, those bottles and stuff.

Speaker: And, you know, it's not electronics or anything that is susceptible to. It'll be fine. Yeah. It'll be. Live on the show, he dumped Coke on my laptop and the buttons still stick on that laptop. Had it cleaned three times.

Speaker: Maybe you should go take it to somebody who knows what they're doing. Again, I upgraded. I bought a new laptop. Yeah. Laptop was really cheap and couldn't keep up with my day to day. You can barely do the podcast. I love this new one. I love my little.

Speaker: little razor raising heart I like my little whatever the fuck it is yeah but you're you're only on it during the podcast you don't use it all day I have to do all the yeah you do all the podcast stuff but I literally sit here for 12 hours a day yeah well and then plus podcast

Speaker: Sounds like a you problem mother lover

Speaker: This thing is quick. I love it. Dancing, dancing, dancing. But yeah. Ooh, I do. I still have new music for tonight. Thanks. Ooh, look at that. I was going to say, did you add anything there? Oh, I'm adding something right now.

Speaker: Well, I downloaded like five or six songs Saturday before the show. Yeah, I saw that. But we got humans here. Speaking of music. I was going to say, you should do the third one from the bottom. I'm curious to hear it. I did that Saturday night. Where are they for you? I wasn't paying attention. Catch, catch.

Speaker: Um, speaking of music here real quick before we go to break, I just want to hit this real quick. Um, powder sound .com put out a, uh, that's in the, it's in the bathroom. Also was using the charger speaker. Exactly. Um, but, uh, louder sound .com put out a.

Speaker: Uh, a list, 10 cover versions, absolutely hated by the people who originally wrote them. Good, bad, good or bad. It didn't matter. These cover versions attracted the irie, the iron man.

Speaker: Sorry, I'm an idiot, of their original authors. Everybody loves a good cover version, obviously. They can be a tribute to the band or artist who wrote them, or maybe just a fun way of breaking up an album or a live set. Sometimes they can kick the career of the act who has covered the song to the next level.

Speaker: Five -Finger death punch I'm talking to you right now because I swear to God That's all you fucking do you cover somebody's song then you slow it way the fuck down and you sing it terribly like all your other fucking terrible songs fuck you five things look at look at look at Leo for probably All he does is cover, but he kills it, but that's his thing

Speaker: Yeah, that's his thing, which I'm not mad at. That's one thing I get. Yeah, you guys are. Indoor metal cover. Occasionally they even turn out better than the original. Yes, there are some. Except bands don't always get it right. History is littered with bad cover versions from the unintentionally hilarious to the woeful, cack -handed and sometimes covers good and bad are greeted with the

Speaker: I was kind of freestyling this and lost my train of thought. The original artists aren't too fond of them. So not really in any particular order, but I'll start the list out with Van Halen. You really got me. This was a cover from the Kinks in 1964.

Speaker: The Kinks 1964 original is often credited as one of the earliest heavy metal songs. Thanks to guitarist Dave Davies, Monster Riff, but Kinks singer and songwriter, Dave's brother Ray Davies was unimpressed by Van Halen's flashy version that came out 14 years later. It was very middle America. He sniffily told classic rock in 2010.

Speaker: It was like, wait a minute, look at me. Yeah, he said, he said, quoted, it was like, hey, man, look at me with my tight trousers. Here's our version of you really got me. Dave himself was equally disparaging when he was quoted saying, there's the thing. Good art isn't always about having the comfiest technique. Ah, wow. Shot. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not the biggest five -finger death punch fan, you know,

Speaker: I don't like their covers because literally all they do is just slow them way down. Yeah, I can't. And nothing worse than slowing down a good song that's supposed to be met. Yeah. And a goddamn singer. A five finger death punch has the most monotonic voice ever. Fucking Ben Stein style. Yeah, like it's got some range.

Speaker: You know our car we like about Maddie Maddie James from blacktop mojo I don't think I've heard their cover of last resort to be honest with you fallen in reverse did a banging ass job on last resort uh Eagles the Eggles Eggles

Speaker: Thank you, Ted Hicks. Appreciate that if you're listening. Appreciate that, brother. Ted Hicks of Late Night Parents every Thursday night on YouTube, ladies and gentlemen. Check them out.

Speaker: So a boho singer songwriter with a couple of so -so selling albums under his belt when country rock price princelings the Eddles as Jeff says covered his nostalgic piano ballad old 55 1974 on the border album.

Speaker: Tom said I frankly was not that particular particularly crazy about their rendition of it I felt like it was kind of flattering that somebody wanted to do your song, but at the same time I thought their version was a little antiseptic Said Tom presumably wild cashing the hefty royalty check Yeah, I don't know that song and I don't really recall that

Speaker: album. I am a, you know, I do love the Eagles. Who doesn't? I've never been a fan of these. Maybe one or two songs. Like, who doesn't love Hotel California? You're an asshole. I don't know that. I don't know if I'd necessarily be a fan. Like, I don't know that I would pay to go see him in concert outside of a nostalgia thing. Right. Right. Like, credence. Credence, I'd be

Speaker: I'm not necessarily first in the row, but I'd be in the row. I'd be waiting in line. Eggles? Not so much. Yeah, I do like several of their songs. I guess I am somewhat of a fan. I don't really know where you put my fandom. You're not running out the door to go buy tickets. Yeah, no. Benji said the singer is way too self -loathing. You know what he reminds me of? Chris, you know what? You called me a badass the other day.

Speaker: What the **** is that? Jesus Christ. The lead singer of Five Finger Death Punch reminds me of What's his name? The lead singer of Stane. Oh, oh, oh, I wonder. I think it was god damn name. **** god damn. I gotta I don't know. Anyways, jump, jump over here. Continue this list

Speaker: Motley Cruz cover of Anarchy in the UK in 91. It says Aaron Lewis. Thank you, Benji. Aaron Lewis. Yeah. He's great now. But you found I love Aaron Lewis, but he's.

Speaker: Yeah, you found out when he put out his country album, when when Stane was at Stane was at their height in the 90s, like late 90s, early 2000s, he was fucking miserable. Well, yeah, he did that outside song with Fred Durst. Well, you know, unfortunately, he signed a deal where basically the record record label owned him. He couldn't do his style of music. And we see I seen him a couple of years ago at at

Speaker: I've seen it louder than life in in Louisville, Kentucky. It was stained and they were **** awesome. I see them when they were super big back in the day at like one of the family values tours or something like that at Polaris and Columbus and dude literally literally stood up on stage. Didn't move and say. Make this to the microphone the entire ****

Speaker: Greg Singer don't get me wrong. It was just very boring to see in concert But when I seen him at louder than life a couple years or a few years back, he was fucking awesome, dude He was running all over the stage. He was singing but the guy's happy record label. He's doing his own thing He's doing his own music. He's out doing stuff with stained as well Right They said stayed was the most boring show I've ever seen

Speaker: and there we go the uh the arena that was doing them was booing them to get off stage yeah yeah it was terrible but when i seen it louder than life man it was it was like a whole different guy man it was so good uh they were awesome because i like several stained songs but god man oh i do too a live show could kill it but anyways motley crew uh anarchy in the uk did like 91

Speaker: This little snippet starts off with, note to American bands, leave anarchy in the UK alone. Megadeth served up a dead dog of a cover complete with mangled lyrics. That is a shit cover. Yeah. I agree. Well, that had nothing on Motley Crue's unintentionally comic version, which left 80 ,000 people paralyzed with laughter.

Speaker: when they debuted it at the 1990s Monsters of Rock Festival and Castle Donington. No surprises at X -Sex pistol singer, John London, or Landon's reaction. He said Motley Crue's version was hilarious. Now there's a band that sold millions and millions of records and they just couldn't get it right. Did John object enough to have the cover stop? Of course not.

Speaker: I said, thanks. You're making me loads of money in the easiest possible way. This cover I was not mad at. I actually really like this this cover. I like the original lip biscuits behind the lot. Oh, no, that's actually I do like that color cover. Yeah.

Speaker: Uh, I thought they did a really good job. It was really cool. The old school speaking spell. Remember those little, um, and, and it was for, and it was for a crazy ass fucking movie. Uh, what was that? What was that? I think it was Jennifer Lopez movie, like the cell or some shit like that. Was it? It was in some movies.

Speaker: Uh, Limp Biscuit had previous form with divisive covers. Singer Fred Durst claimed that this cover was terrible when they covered George Michael's faith. That was terrible. But, uh, Durst claimed that George Michael loved their willfully - Oh, it was for gothica. Or gothica. Halle Berry. Halle Berry, yeah. Not, yeah. How dare you mix those two up.

Speaker: equally weird -ass movie. It was, it was very weird. But the obnoxious 97 version of the Hades 80s hit Faith while guitarist Wes Borland that insisted at the time that ex -WAM star hates it and hates us for doing it. I love this version of Faith, I love that song.

Speaker: I did not like it. I thought it was dumb. There was no such... God, I keep losing my train of thought. There was no such love over the unforgivable version of the who's behind blue eyes. It was an embarrassing effort. And one that discredits a fine song said, who guitars Pete Townsend? Go fuck yourself, boomer.

Speaker: Likening the violent reaction he had on hearing it to the time I clubbed hippie activist and Woodstock stage invader Abby I don't know

Speaker: Bet you he's not mad when he goes to his bank. No. Well, I'm sure that who's not hurting for any type of money. I get it. But once again, you literally get paid just to fucking wake up in the morning for that song, that cover. I don't know if it was Pravin Hanley or somebody else, but I heard a fucking badass rock cover of Little Wayne's lollipop. That was that shit was badass. Peter Gabriel.

Speaker: In 2010, did Street Spirit Radiohead have never commented on former Genesis singer, Peter Gabriel's funeral reimagining of their stately 1995 single recorded for his covers album, Scratch My Back. Luckily, Gabriel himself has fessed up to the fact that it went down like a fort in a space suit.

Speaker: It's pretty extreme. I guess he admitted and I have heard since that the band didn't like what I did with it The fact that Radiohead subsequently backed out of a proposed Gabriel covers album Suggested the Intel was pretty much on the money first and foremost Radiohead Nobody's ever heard of you second of all. Nobody's ever heard of that fucking song. So if anything Peter I've never heard of that song

Speaker: Oh, is that the one you're talking about? I couldn't remember the name of the band because it just comes up. It's in my like songs on YouTube and then it just pops up on a couple of stations. Yeah, I've never heard of that song and I barely know who Radiohead is and I think the only reason I know that because wasn't it the lead singer of Radiohead that married Gwyneth Paltrow or some shit like that? I don't know. Um.

Speaker: Manfred Mann's Earth Band Blinded by the Light, 1976. Hate is maybe too strong of a word here, but Bruce Springsteen was definitely disgruntled by what Manfred Mann's Earth Band did to his 1973 debut single. Not necessarily musically, even though ardent fans of The Boss would be hard pressed to deny that the Earth Band's version is better, but lyrically, specifically the one line,

Speaker: cut loose like a deuce which referred to the original to a little deuce coop hot rod but was mangled by Manford singer Chris Hamlet Thompson into wrapped up like a douche. So. Oh yeah yeah yeah. Bruce is you know Bruce is pissed off because he got the lyrics wrong. Every person that knows that song

Speaker: literally says douche. I didn't know that was a Bruce Springsteen song, let alone whether that was the correct lyrics or not. That's what everybody has always said. Wrapped up like a douche. Yeah. Uh one version is about a car. The other is about a feminine hygiene product and wrapped up like a douche. I wonder what that could mean. I'm no expert but

Speaker: Yeah, Springsteen snark though that the Earth Band won this one. Their version reached number one in the US. FV Springsteen has never achieved. Wow, Spruce has never had a number one hit. Yeah, you know, that's not too hard to believe. He's had hits but.

Speaker: as a fan of this man, I have to say, why did by the light went number one? Man Man Man's version or Bruce's version? Bruce's version. Oh, no. Sorry. Never mind. Man for man. That's what the article just said that they went number one. The highest Bruce ever got was number two.

Speaker: Yeah, I thought so. I like this bed. Love this bed. But I got to agree with the original artist on this one. They should have never touched this fucking song. Mega death 1985 covered Nancy Sinatra's. These boots are made for walking. Typically, typically Dave Mustaine and my world can do no wrong.

Speaker: the greatest heavy metal band ever. Not Metallica. You bunch of **** sell out douche canoes in your **** **** music. Mega death. Iron Maiden. That's That's right. You know, that's that's rocket. That's heavy metal for me. I agree. Nancy Sinatra is a better version. Yes. But David Mustaine's

Speaker: and renamed version of Nancy Sinatra's 66 hit. These boots are made for walking on Megadeth's debut album, Killing Is My Business. And what a weird song for them to do. Right? Out of all the songs that they've done in their albums, such a weird fucking song for them to cover. But their debut album, Killing Is My Business and Business Is Good.

Speaker: uh backfired when the song's author Lee Hazelwood belatedly decided that he didn't like the raunchier lyrics Mustaine had fitted the song with and fairness Sinatra definitely did not sing you know bitch you got a lot to learn

Speaker: Yeah. I mean, props to Nancy doing that. Yeah. Props to Dave for making it more hardcore and making it tough. You know, and that's a hard song to actually make tough. You know, if I roll up in the car playing it, not just for walking, you're like, yeah, we're going to kick this guy's ass. Yeah. It's not going to be hard. But Hazelwood, the writer demanded the song be taken off the album. So, Mustaine wirely noted that he had no problems with

Speaker: trousering or trousering 10 years worth of royalties before he objected. So he got 10 years worth of royalties and then he goes. Yeah. How about you cough up them? Them royalties. Type O negative. Again, everybody knows this.

Speaker: Nobody knows this fucking band. Nobody could name three songs that band has done without looking it up. Oh I'm looking it up cuz I can't I know you are but I'm just saying there's not a person What One of my children is yelling at me on Facebook, I'm assuming it's my oldest home

Speaker: I mean, it's your kids yelling at you on Facebook. Of course they will. They have my phone, so yeah. Typo negative at 93 did summer breeze. Goth medal provocateurs. Hypo negative were no great respecters of rock. Rocks scared crows are scared. Sacred cows. Sorry Jesus can't read. Putting their work on a song by the Beatles.

Speaker: Neil Young and Jimi Hendrix. Ironically, it would be Yatrock, Seals, and Croft who ended up giving them the biggest headache. The duo objected to typo main man Peter Steele overhauling their soft center 1972 classic, Summer Breeze. I wonder if we're gonna get in trouble for when we'd sing it when we talk about the elephant in the room.

Speaker: I don't know. Sorry, seals and crops. Aren't you guys dead or something anyways? What happened to Crosby? Yeah. What the fuck? We're just fucking riding right off the fucking headline. Calm down, bottom feeder. Yeah. What up? Golf.

Speaker: I don't have my glasses on that don't help matters none either um renaming it summer girl and more mysteriously changing the lyrics are referred to pulls of vomit devil music and references to his paramours legs spreading out to take me one slap on the wrist later and the original title and lyrics were reinstated naughty typo again

Speaker: Who the **** cares about Type O Negative? I literally, I'm looking over their song list of all their songs. I don't know any of these songs. Yeah. What up, Golf Halt? Uh the Pet Shop Boys where the streets have no name in the 90 in 1990. Uh brilliantly, this was one to this one was designed to be hated by the band that covered it. The Pet Shop Boys versus U2.

Speaker: fucking pompous ass dick bags. I hate you too. I don't know. It's a dime, dude. They're all that small. I think it's okay. Can I have a snack? Yes. Um weird. Uh dude, Bono's a twit. Let me rephrase that. You two. What a bunch of twats. Yeah. Yeah. They're British.

Speaker: Nancy Pelosi cares. Isn't that bitch dead? Oh, no, wait. That's her husband out drinking and driving and killing people. Never mind. Yeah. He's dead. She just forgot to lay down. Let's be honest. Yeah, the Pet Shop Boys versus U2 was one of the greatest forgotten spats in the 80s with synth pop duo lobbying Waspish insults at Bono and Company.

Speaker: What the **** is a waspish? A waspish? Waspish. Waspish. Waspish. Waspish. Waspish. Waspish. Waspish.

Speaker: And it means anger or irritation. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Just fucking say, um, but, uh, the last word with this viciously ironic cover turning you twos earnest 1987 Anthem into a high NRG disco tune and rubbing salt into the wound by elating it with Andy Williams. Easy listening classic. Can't take my eyes off of you.

Speaker: The result was truly terrific. Though it achieved the desired result, what have we done to deserve this? Bono reportedly signed a cute nod to other Pet Shop Boys songs. Their Dusty Springfield collaboration, what have I done to deserve this? Wow, can't stand you two anyways.

Speaker: And to wrap up this list, why not take a shot at the king of parody, Weird Al Yankovic. Whoever wins this, be careful with your next words. Wings. Weezer's Buddy Holly. Prince's 1999. Weird Al is America's most famous musical

Speaker: Paradis though not everyone is down with his teeth grandingly wacky cover versions at various points during his career Al had unsuccessfully tried to cover songs by wings weezer and Prince Paul McCarthy sir, oh McCarthy, Karthni politely refused to let Yankovic turn live and let die into chicken hot pie due to a clash with the ex -beetles vegetarian lifestyle and

Speaker: Weezer's Rivers Cuomo nixed a brief spoof of Buddy Holly and Yankovic's The Polka Melody. And at the last minute, and Prince, well, he was just being Prince. It's not just rock musicians where weird Al has fallen foul of. Coolio got mad at him even though he originally gave him permission when he did Amish Paradise. Amish Paradise?

Speaker: And you know what, I bet you, I bet you, uh, the royalties on that really shut Julio down. That song was huge. James Blunt are, well, his record label anyways, and Michael Jackson, who allowed a spoof on beat it, but not black or white. Really? So the guy who sniped the entire Beatles catalog right from underneath Paul McCartney's feet.

Speaker: had a problem with somebody else parodying his music. You were a fucking parody of yourself, Michael Jackson. Yeah. You made great music and yes, you were better than Prince, but. Oh, that's bullshit. Better performer, better songwriter, better performer. The only thing Prince was better than him at was musician. Prince had three fucking songs that were worth a fuck.

Speaker: when doves cry purple rain and little red barrette or Corvette or whatever. Yeah, I said what I said. Fucking deal with it and all you Prince fans. Fucking deal with it. I don't care. Michael Jackson. Oh, look at me. I'm a dainty little four foot eight garden fairy that dresses like a homosexual. And it makes a lot of songs.

Speaker: Shut up, Prince. Hell of a guitar player though. I'll give him that. Top tier guitar player. Not better than Michael Jackson. I'll die on this hill from now. Prince went, I can't do it as high as he did because I'm a man. He did that. And Michael Jackson gave us.

Speaker: I'll take the heat. I said when I said it up, let's do it. Suck it. I'm the one with the microphone podcast. Keep naming the hits. I can't. I just have to look up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're not there.

Speaker: What are you talking about? You have to, you have to look up print songs. Yeah. The only reason I do, I'm not a fucking... Michael Jackson. 1999, that song was huge. Okay. For one year. And then after that, it was... Nothing compares to you, which was stolen, was covered by... Made it better than you. How does that make you feel? I don't know.

Speaker: So you had to look these up right off the top of my head. Pretty young thing. Beat it. Black or white. Thriller. Billie Jean. Smooth criminal. That's so crazy. Yeah. Not a hit. You got the look. Michael Jackson to the song with Paul McCarthy. Paul McCarthy, bonus points for being vegan. I'm sorry. Nobody gets bonus points for having a one legged wife.

Speaker: Well, because her name's Eileen. No, I don't think that's her name. I think her name's actually Heather or something like that. Or Sarah. I know. But she's got one leg, so she leans. Eileen. I thought you were going to go because he comes on Eileen. Come on, Eileen. That too.

Speaker: That's the end of my list. I stand by what I said about Prince though. I love Prince. Well, you're entitled to having the wrong opinion. That's the great thing about, you know, about being, uh, you know, an American. Well, nevermind. You're not American. Fuck your opinion, Jeff. You don't get one.

Speaker: I love every song but I can't really think of too many Michael Jackson songs I like. Well, that's just because right now you're being a hater and you're lying to yourself. I've never been a Michael Jackson fan. Oh, you don't have to be a fan to enjoy his music. One, two, three. It doesn't matter. He was **** singing them. Even if his daddy beat it, beat those number one hits out of him. He's still saying that you did.

Speaker: Oh no, he did. Trust me. It's very well documented that old Joe Jackson like to beat the hell out of the kids. But gotta thank the man because he didn't give us Janet. And you forgot the greatest Prince on the ever Purple Rain.

Speaker: I, do you listen to this show when I'm like, are you Tony D? Hey, I need you to pay attention. No, no, no, no, no. You said when dubs cry, little red Corvette and red raspberry break. No, I didn't, I didn't even know. I said, I said purple rain when dubs cry and little red, I apologize. I didn't hear you say purple rain because you were sitting on the first. Yeah. I didn't know what rad red raspberry was that the one that had the

Speaker: No, no, he did have darling Nikki too, I guess. I still not a good song. Fucking shitty song. I love dubs when dubs cry. I love the song. Yes. Oh, I love when dubs cry and I love purple rain. There's only two songs I like by Prince. There's only two good songs. Yes. And somebody and somebody and somebody covered when dubs cry and did way better job.

Speaker: I'm actually curious on when they're gonna let they're gonna get the public access to the vault who covered windows crap Apparently genuine did to this I'm thinking of wine

Speaker: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker: Look at Snoop Dogg. He sampled Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky. Ducky

Speaker: to shout out some of our friends and you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, Instagram, and various places like that. Just go check them out. Just go hit your little fucking search button and type it in there. You'll find them. Late night parents hosted by Ted Hicks doing his thing every Thursday night with his panel of miscreants and misfits and probably mutants. I just needed a third M word.

Speaker: Uh, don't forget you guys can get up bright and early every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Have your cup of coffee. Get your good morning in with our guy, our fireman rich on Twitch. Fireman rich on Twitch or watch the replay on YouTube. Like I do because he gets up way too early. Stop it, rich. You're retired dude. Calm down. Yeah. Sunday nights. You can hang out with our man smoke on Sunday night smoke podcast on YouTube. Thursdays.

Speaker: Thursday night when my man dizzy and his crew lazy -ass podcast on Instagram, they do their show. Wednesday, every Wednesday, you get a brand new episode of the scumbag lounge with our guys case sticky and 40 phones doing their damn thing. And sometimes miss shot on a gets in there. She cracks me up. You guys ever listen to scumbag lounge? You got to catch an episode when she's there. She cracks me up.

Speaker: She is a firecracker. I do love her. Wednesday nights, just before we kick off, right, right before us on Twitch, you can check out Tim and Gemma doing the mental health hour. Uh, you got to Jarvis podcast, follow him on YouTube. He doesn't do a live show, but he does post new episodes quite a bit. And sometimes he does live gaming stuff.

Speaker: a Sunday mornings bright and early before kickoff. Hang out with Tony D. Uh, belt Kings fantasy football. Doing his thing on YouTube and Twitch. You can hang out with him. Get all your football fixings. Well, kind of sort of ish. And then don't forget about Helen on the radio. She's got her mixtape. She does the jukebox jury. She's over there on Twitch and

Speaker: and uh i think youtube uh hello she mostly does shorts and clips yeah i think she does live on twitch uh check all and check out our people check out our people uh got lots of good shows out there i feel like i forgot somebody and i apologize if i did mr b i did forget about you but you just came back today after a little hiatus mr b in the uh in the flip side on youtube

Speaker: Dylan, all your UFC, MMA, boxing, and all your fight news and updates and all that jazz. But go ahead and check those guys out. Might find something you like, might find something you enjoy outside of us. Because a couple of them, I won't mention any names, are better than us, but for the most part, they're all below us. I can't, I can't.

Speaker: I kid they're all great. They're all they all do good shows that I and and I say that because not only are these friends of ours and friends of the podcast and stuff like that. But you know, you might be a fellow podcaster out there listening to us and and maybe you're thinking about changing platform or you're looking for a platform to get your distribution and help you grow.

Speaker: Well, I'm recommend checking out. Oh, oh, Zincaster. We're on Zincaster. We fucking love it. Things have been been changing drastically since we switched over to Zincaster. Yeah, a couple of sponsorships were killing it and replay listens. And we're creeping up. We haven't even been there six months yet. We're creeping up on 10 ,000 listens and replays and downloads, whatever you want to call them.

Speaker: And that's their goal. They help get you in the right algorithm. They help get you noticed. They help with growth. They help with monetization, all that stuff. So I suggest you guys go ahead and check out Zincaster. Not only that, but it's super easy to record your podcast. Simply go to the browser log in, start recording high quality podcast right away, record studio quality sound and up to 4K video. If you choose to record a video instead of the audio version or do both.

Speaker: You're going to have guests on the show. Now you can't go live, but you can still book guests and have guests. And, you know, you're always going to fill that senses in knowing Zincaster's multi -layered backups, ensure you always have your recording in the highest quality, even if the connection is unstable, not only that, but you're always going to sound your best. Uh, Zincaster automatically going to take out those ums and ahs in your recording. It's going to remove those awkward pauses in the conversation as well.

Speaker: and set your right volume. You know, sometimes people come in a little hot. Sometimes people are, are, are below the radar, but they're going to automatically make those adjustments and everything like that. Not only that, but anybody who's ever done a podcast or thought about doing a podcast, they're like, Oh man, I gotta go buy all those equipment. I gotta get a laptop. I gotta get a microphone. I gotta get a soundboard. I gotta do this. I gotta do that. No, you don't literally it's all in one as in Kester. Everything is right there for all your podcasting needs.

Speaker: So what I want you guys to do, what I need you guys to do if you're in the podcasting business and at, or if you're thinking about it, go to zincaster .com slash pricing, use our promo code words are hard. You're going to get 30 % off of your first month of any Zincaster paid plan. I want you to have the same easy experiences that we do here at nonsensical nonsense for all of our podcasting and content needs. And it's time to share your story. What are you waiting for?

Speaker: Go. Go on now. Well, not now until the show's over tonight. Then you can go. Words are hard. Let them know Benji. I love that people love our promo code. Words are hard and I love explaining it. I was talking with one of my bosses today and he's like, Hey, what's that promo code again? Cause he wanted to get some dubbing.

Speaker: I said, his words are hard. He's like, okay, I have to ask why. I'm like, see, you don't even listen to the show. He's like, do you want me to? I'm like, no. Yeah, I really, you know, I really prefer my boss does not listen to our show. I agree. I said, how do we want to send you a link, dude? What the hell did we play Friday night on the show? We ended with the second to last.

Speaker: Yeah. A plate painted black ended with that last one that you just added today. Easy turbo. Easy turbo. I got this is why I'm the host of the show and you're not. I think that's what I was going to play. But we're going to take a real quick break. I got a cover of Warren Zevon.

Speaker: Yeah. I was in London by Tex Perkins. Enjoy. We'll be back here in just a few minutes when we come back. Baby, I got news for you, Jeffrey. All kinds of hell is great news. And I got a huge story that I want to talk about. All right. I'm ready. We'll be back here in just a few minutes, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker: I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain He was looking for a place called Lee Hong in focus

Speaker: You hear them howl around your kitchen door Better not let him in Little old lady got mutilated late last night Where worlds of London begin

Speaker: Who ran a fucking camp? Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair Stay away from him and rip your lungs out Jim I'd like to meet Liz Taylor

Speaker: I saw a long genie walking with a queen Doing the werewolves of London I saw a werewolf with a peanut corrada and trade a fix

Speaker: Yeah. I do love Benji. I gotta I gotta say not necessarily those exact words but that was kind of my initial thought. That guy wasn't the greatest singer. I just liked his rendition. I thought it was a fun little cover and and and and I

Speaker: dude editing that guy's voice. Uh, but Vinci's not wrong. That was my initial. Well, my initial thought was this guy's slamming some fucking.

Speaker: and the bed of his **** Chevy 2500 lifted at the bonfire. He's running on a Camaro with a dead body in the **** back. He was at a bonfire and his buddy whipped out a guitar and he was and he was like, oh, I don't want to sing. I don't want to. I'll say.

Speaker: I thought it was good. Yeah, no, I thought it was good. He was having fun with it. He didn't buy a BBR. Oh, I'm going to do his biggest star for that. He definitely didn't buy the BBR. So, one of his boys had a fucking party back. Hell, yeah. He's like, wait, give me one of those BBRs. I want a sand boy. Hey, he drew. He drove his boys, brought the beer. He was like, load up in the street.

Speaker: We're all saying some songs and that. I could just see him drive around in 86 Camaro, I rock Z.

Speaker: I feel like that could be one of my buddies riding around in my Bronco with me. 100%. Just getting blasted off of natty lights while I drive around the square in Mount Vernon. Back to the house for the bonfire.

Speaker: Yeah. I drive you by. That's his, that's his logo. I drive you by, boys. That's his bumper sticker. It's on his shit box 86 Camaro. It runs, it only runs on six, on eight, seven cylinder instead of all eight. Old tech Perkins. I'm going to have to try to find some more music from old tech. So, because, oh yeah.

Speaker: These boots are made for walking. Yeah, they are. What are these things here? Walk all over you. This guy's follow up to that song is gotta be life is a highway by radical plants. Yeah, right.

Speaker: I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

Speaker: click. This is the nonsensical nonsense podcast. If you're not already, give us a follow on them social medias. Follow, like, subscribe, share, all that jazz. Simply go to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. If you're watching the replay or you're watching live, it's right there on your screen. That's right. You can get all of them links to the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tik TOK, YouTube, Twitch,

Speaker: You need the YouTubes and the Facebooks and the twitches because we go live on them three times a week. Seven PM ish Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. You guys come hang out with us live or just listen to us on the replays on Spotify, Zincaster, wherever you listen to podcasts at. Go ahead and give us some love if you would. We greatly appreciate that. And here's a new concept. We have a Facebook page. Uh,

Speaker: like an actual Facebook account. Go follow that. I think I linked it in our bio link. Go give that a follow and leave us a review.

Speaker: There you go. Anybody who's listened to this, just go on your little Facebook search and it's not the group page. It's not the pay the group page. It's an actual Facebook account. Nonsense. Well, nonsense podcast. I think it is. Give it a follow. And. And tell everybody the intergalactical sub intergalactical champion is not that cool.

Speaker: I don't want them to say hi to Sir Puswa. Sir Puswa. Who's he himself? In the flesh. If you smell what the Puswa is, you probably shouldn't smell a Puswa. I mean, you can smell it, but I always recommend the two finger dip test, you know,

Speaker: before you check them. Oh, what is this pocket? Yes. Nonsense. No sense podcast on Facebook. Go get her file. I just created it. I'm really not pushing it, but I should. I'm not going to lie. And it's a business page. Leave a review, but it's got our links and all that stuff in there. We review. Let us know what you guys think of the podcast. That would be fucking awesome.

Speaker: Um, picture or two. So it's not a full swing on it. Swinging a miss. Well, I had to have it for a couple of the sponsorships to promote on, uh, on the face books, the books of face, if you will. Um,

Speaker: Come on. I need help. I understand you got the news for me, sir. Did you see our Instagram story by Chance Jeffery? No, I have not. I think I sent it to you. As I said, us Browns fans, we are still celebrating. Let's get rid of some of these lights here real quick.

Speaker: You got you got serious reflection but yeah, that is a brown. Goose Island beer. There are the dogs. Here are the dog beer. I got this when we went up to see Jelly Roll and I'm going to have to apparently get me some more because when I drink it, we win. Oh, there you go.

Speaker: How much is a cap? Well, a six pack is like 18 bucks. Ouch. Yeah. Ouch. But it's not... Apparently, my fiance is feuding with someone.

Speaker: I don't know what the hell is going on. It's, I mean, it's an all right beer. It's a little bitter, but it's a craft beer. You know what I mean? It's a pale ale. What a 5 .4. Well, alcohol content. But I mean, after one or two of them, you get past the bitterness. That was alcohol content. You're breaking after four or five of them. What was a great meme? What was a great meme?

Speaker: Oh. I got memes for days. If you buy a six pack of those, are two going to be enough? And the other four are going to suck like.

Speaker: Well, I mean, you know what? I'd like to be mad at you. But unfortunately, that is a very accurate statement. But we got three wins on the season so far, and we're only five games in. So that's a plus for the Browns. Yeah, anyways, I got a lot of news tonight. I don't know if we're going to get to it. Some of the news is just kind of kooky and crazy. You know, a lot of weird shit going on in the world. I got one story you're going to love. Well,

Speaker: probably two stories and one of the stories you've probably been there before, but. It's tough to I man. I love the Browns man and he wearing the same boat. It's it's it's like an abusive relationship. They keep promising promising that they're going to change and then they apologize for whooping our ass and throwing us down a flight of stairs and you know they sometimes they just don't know who they are when they're drunk and and and and

Speaker: You blame yourself. Yeah, and I blame myself. We asked us I was brown. Yeah, we blame ourselves and and then and then they promise that they're gonna get better and they'll be better and and they won't do it again and we tell all of our friends, but they said that they love us and they and they wouldn't do it again and And then the next week they get

Speaker: it's up again and you know, it's an endless cycle but you know and and it's not any better for the Panthers fans because they're just as **** bad other than the fact that I'm like, are they tanking for Caleb Williams? Well, why would they be tanking for Caleb Williams? Cuz they just got **** Bryce Young or whatever the hell is god damn name or CJ Stroud last year in the draft. So, whoa. Are they are they are they taking a page out of the Browns book and drafting a new

Speaker: I digress. It'll be different this year with the Browns. Okay. That's a lot better. I'll get back in there in the kitchen and make me a pie bitch. They were better. They were better than I should. They won six or seven. Go get daddy a beer. Yes, daddy. And sandwich. Anywho.

Speaker: Uh, probably one of the biggest stories in news today. And this doesn't even in just in the United States, but I want to jump into this and I think we're going to wind up spending a little bit of time with it. But, um, finally after, uh, 16 years, I believe. Okay. Just around 16 years.

Speaker: Uh, Jorian Van Der Sloot admits to killing Natalie Holloway. Now, for those of you guys who don't remember or may not know Natalie Holloway, the disappearance of Natalie Holloway, I'm going to give you guys just a real quick, real quick synapses. Um, Natalie Holloway was an 18 year old from Alabama.

Speaker: whose mysterious disappearance made international news after she vanished back in May of 2005 in Aruba. Holloway was from Alabama and graduated from, she was from Mount Brook, Alabama and she graduated from Mountain Brook High School on May 24th.

Speaker: Days before the trip, her disappearance resulted in a media sensation in the United States and she has not, her body has never been recovered. There you go. Very pretty girl. Holloway was scheduled to fly home from the Caribbean islands on the 30th, May 30th of 2005, but she failed to appear for her flight. Her classmates last saw her outside of Carlos and Charlie's restaurant and nightclub.

Speaker: And she was in a car with local residents, Vander Sloot and brothers, Dipek and Satish Kalpo. When the three men were questioned, they said that they had dropped Holloway off in her hotel and denied knowing what had become of her. Upon further investigation by authorities, Vander Sloot was arrested twice on suspicion of the involvement in her disappearments in the Capoles.

Speaker: were each arrested three times due to lack of evidence, the three suspects were released each time without being charged with the crime. Through the years, Holloway's parents criticized the Aruban police for the lack of progress in the investigation and interrogation of the three men who were last seen with their daughter. The family also called for a boycott of Aruba

Speaker: Aruba, which gained the governor of Alabama, Bob Riley support, but failed to gain widespread backing. Um, this is the cat. He said he finally admitted he did it. And it, and it just goes on and on and kind of dives into the investigation and the search and, and this, and the other thing, I just wanted to kind of, you know, give you guys an idea. Um,

Speaker: of the story if you've never heard of it or whatever the case may be. But Jordan Vander Sloot, a federal judge said that, and this happened today, I've been following this story for about a week and a half now. A federal judge said that Vander Sloot had confessed to killing Ms. Holloway in agreeing to a plea, a plea guilty to extortion

Speaker: and wire fraud charges. So basically what he was doing was he, he made contact with her, with her parents and said, like, send me $25 ,000 and I'll tell you where your daughter's body is. Cause they just want to bring her home at this point. They just want to bring her home. They know she's dead. They've known she's dead. They've known for a long time. She's dead. They want to bring her home. They want to have a proper burial funeral service. Um,

Speaker: the story from the New York Times, the man who has been long time linked to the 2005 disappearance of American teenager Natalie Holiday or Holloway, sorry, described in the court documents released on Wednesday, how he had brutally attacked her on the beach in Aruba after she had rejected his advances. I mean, look at that. Can you blame her? I mean, he's not a bad looking at, you know, like he's not a bad looking dude at the end of the day.

Speaker: But, and I think he's rich, I think he comes from money. This was the first time that details of Ms. Holloway's disappearance have been made public. So in all honesty, this is the first time that not only is it public, but her, yeah, it doesn't look so hot in that. But her family, they're finally getting some -

Speaker: closure, some sort of something as to what happened to their daughter and and all that. I'm assuming she has uncles or something, right? Yeah, I'm sure she does. How is discipline? I'm sure he's going to be in the news again when they kill him. Yeah.

Speaker: Uh, but it came after Jorian, uh, our Vander Sloot, a 36 year old Dutchman agreed to provide full, complete, accurate and truthful information about it in exchange for a 20 year sentence on extortion and wire. They didn't even get him on the murder charges. This, this sentence for extortion and wire frauds. Yeah.

Speaker: As part of the plea agreement, Mr Vander Sloot pleaded guilty on Wednesday in U .S. District Court for the Northern District of Alabama and Birmingham to charges that he had tried to extort. Miss Halloway's mother, prosecutor said he has since 20 years in prison. Um. The chair in court judge Anna.

Speaker: Manusco said that as part of the sentencing decision, Mr. Van Der Sloot had confessed to killing Ms. Holloway and disposing of her remains. Mr. Van Der Sloot has been serving, he's already serving in Peru a 20 year sentence for the 2010 murder of a 21 year old Peruvian student, Stephanie Flores.

Speaker: who basically did the same thing. She rejected him and he murdered her. So he's got these back to back consecutive 28 years plus 20 years on top of it. He will have to return to Peru to finish his sentence for that crime as well as another for drug smuggling charge.

Speaker: the judge quoted you have brutally murdered in separate instances years apart two young women who refused your sexual advances the judge said among the court documents released with the plea agreement were excerpts from an accountant that mr vander sloot gave his lawyer gave to his lawyer kevin butler on october 3rd and the transcript mr vander sloot described wanting to drop off

Speaker: wanting to wanting to be dropped off with Miss Holloway a distance from her hotel. So he might still have a chance to, you know, to get with her at the end of the day. You know, he said they began kissing on my shot.

Speaker: Yeah. Uh, you know, he said they began kissing while lying on the beach, but she refused further sexual advances when he persisted. He said she kneeled or she need him in the crotch and he kicked her extremely hard in the face. At that point he said she was possibly even, uh, even dead, but definitely unconscious. These are his words. Uh, he picked, he picked up a large cinder block and used it to smash her head in completely.

Speaker: or smash her head in with it completely. He brought her to the ocean's edge and a half pull, half walk, waiting up to his knees and pushed her off into the water. He said, and then he walked home. Mr. Vander Salute has never been charged in Ms. Holloway's death or her disappearance while on trip with her high school class in Aruba, the Caribbean islands nation, nation,

Speaker: and former Dutch colony where Vander Sloot was living at the time. Today marks the end of 18 years of wondering what happened to Natalie Holloway. Prim Escalana, the interim United States Attorney for the Northern District of Alabama, told reporters in the hearing. Beth Holloway, Natalie's mother, said at a news conference after hearing that fuckhead Vander Sloot, we're not going to give him the

Speaker: and I've said it a couple of times finally confessed and the more details would be made public. He is Mrs. Halloway said he is a killer. She said adding he's described when and how he killed her as far as I'm concerned. It's over. It's over. She said I'm satisfied knowing that he did it. He did it alone and he disposed of her alone.

Speaker: She said his confession means we finally reached the end of our never ending nightmare. The Dutch newspaper, De Telegraph reported on Wednesday that Mr. Vander Salute had taken a polygraph and had admitted to killing Mrs. Holloway or Miss Holloway in Aruba.

Speaker: Mr. Van Der Sloot, Dickhead Van Der Sloot was extradited to the United States in June to face the extortion and fraud charges. He pleaded not guilty and was held in a jail in Shelby County, Alabama. Van Der Sloot tried to demand $250 ,000 payment from Mrs. Holloway's mother claiming to have knowledge of the location of her remains. He received only $25 ,000 from Van Der Sloot after providing false information according to the prosecutors.

Speaker: Last week, John Q. Kelly, a lawyer for Beth Holloway, said Vander Sloot had made a deal with prosecutors and would plead guilty through extortion and fraud. As part of the deal, Vander Sloot had agreed to share the information with prosecutors about Holloway's death, according to Mr. Kelly. Holloway was only 18 when she disappeared back in May of 2005 after a night out during the trip.

Speaker: She has never been found, and a judge declared her legally dead in 2012. The unsolved case has been subject of intense public interest, especially in the Netherlands and the United States, including news coverage as well as true crime books, feature films, true crime documentaries, true crime television shows, unsolved television. The list goes on. In 2008, a Dutch crime reporter, Peter,

Speaker: Our de Vries organized a sting operation for his television show in which he tried to solve the case using an informant and hidden cameras. Stopping just short of an outright confession on the program, Vander Schloot told the informant that Miss Holloway was never to be found. So here's the thing.

Speaker: Uh, words cannot express how happy I am for her family. First and foremost, I couldn't imagine going through this, through this, um, uh, 18, 18 years. I mean, Natalie would have been 36 years old now, almost 37. Um, and, and simply at the end of the day, just because she said, no, she told a guy, no, she wasn't interested. You know, he killed her.

Speaker: And then five years later, he did it again. And he's already serving that 28 year sentence. So basically, and I agree with you, Benji, how is this guy still alive? I don't think he's going to last very long. We might have ourselves an Epstein case. Yeah. Well, either that or kill himself, not kill himself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He might live himself, but not on alive himself. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker: But here's the kicker. So in his plea deal that he did here in Alabama, he's got to go back to Peru, finish out his sentence there. When that's done, automatically, from my understanding, I'm not an expert, from my understanding, he comes back to the state, serves 20 years. But Aruba, if so, chooses to.

Speaker: they can extradite him back and charge him in the murder of Natalie. This plea deal said nothing about him not being charged. I think even if we really wanted to push it in the States, we could probably still prosecute him. But his plea deal that he took says nothing about immunity or

Speaker: getting off on that charge or anything like that. So at the end of the day, Aruba can still extradite him back. And they obviously have extra extradition laws. We do too here in the States because we extradited him from, from there to deal with this situation with the extradition or the extortion and whatnot. Uh, so I mean, there's a possibility that he could still be facing criminal charges.

Speaker: for the murder. I'm actually trying to look it up right now. Let's see if we can be recharged. I don't know what your two cents. While you're doing that. Oh, man. These hurt.

Speaker: Okay. So, I don't really see. I'm no lawyer but. Well, that's what I said. I'm no lawyer. I'm going off from here. Well, he was never, he was never officially charged or cleared of her murder. Exactly. That's what I said. Aruba

Speaker: Unfortunately, if his lawyer was anything worth a damn and he signed a plea deal, I'm sure he gets some sort of, not necessarily forgiveness, but a loophole where he can't be charged with that murder. I don't even think that that's a possibility. And I think that the prosecutors were smart enough with that because first and foremost, I think double jeopardy only applies in the States.

Speaker: agreed. Second of all, there is no double jeopardy that can be implied here because like you said, he's never been tried or charged with the actual murder of her. All he did was confess to it. So technically, quite honestly,

Speaker: From from what they've said about the plea deal It doesn't say anything about in that plea deal and I've looked at it I've looked at I've been following this for like the last week and a half now or however long since everything's come out Nothing has been mentioned that in the plea deal Saying that he could or he could not or that he could not be charged for the murder if he confessed to it so technically called honestly, I believe here in the States and

Speaker: Actually, no, I don't think we can in the States because it happened in Aruba. It happened in Aruba, yeah. Well, Aruba actually has to charge him and put him on trial for the murder. And there's rumblings and whatnot that that's a possibility. Because, hey, it's still technically technically in Aruba.

Speaker: It's an unsolved case. It's an unsolved murder. Yeah. Even though he's confessed to it in the States, it's still an unsolved case. They probably want to get an, especially this case with as much as, as much notoriety and everything like that, that it has and that it has had, and it has continued to have.

Speaker: for the last 18 years. If I was Aruba, if I was there, uh, you know, they're, they're public figures, they're politicians. I would absolutely do everything in my fucking power to get him in a courtroom and get him locked away on their end for this murder to say anything else, if anything else to save face, because at the end of the day, much like Canada and their police force,

Speaker: Sounds like they dropped the ball several times in several instances. Oh, yeah. I mean, they've literally had multiple times over the last 18 years and he's walked every time. And here's the thing, Benji. How do we know he's not a serial killer? We only know of two killings. How do we know he's not?

Speaker: serial killers, just the ones they know about. And from 2000 or prior to 2005, uh, up until Peru locked his ass away that he hasn't killed anybody else. So there's not other victims. We, I mean, we don't know for sure. Uh, I mean, you know, he wasn't necessarily, um, you know, I'm assuming the Natalie Holloway thing was not premeditated.

Speaker: but maybe after he killed with it for what they call a crime of fashion. It's in the moment. I don't think you know, after he got away with it for five years, he was feeling a little extra froggy and shit. And when he killed that girl in Peru, maybe in his head, he was like, she's either going to give it up or I'm going to fucking kill her. I already got away with it once I can get away with it again. Well, I just so her Natalie's brother, Matthew,

Speaker: He was a sophomore in high school when she, when she passed, when she was killed. Um, I'm just saying, I'm not saying what he should do, but I would go to Peru and do something just enough to get me in jail with that dude. And one or two things going to happen. Either he kills me or I'm going to kill him. Oh yeah. And that's the thing. We don't really know how Peru's judicial system works or what they're

Speaker: their jails like it's not like here where, you know, if you get locked up on a drug charge, you're going to go into the same, you know, if you go to down there to Alabama and you get locked up on a drug charge, you're going to be in

Speaker: the same facility that he's in and in general and gen pop at this, you know, Peru might have, and I don't know, I don't know anything about Peru. The Netherlands have their jails are like fucking the best in the world for comfortability. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like a five star. Yeah.

Speaker: Um, you know, Peru might have, uh, like this jail is for murderers and rapists, rapists, sorry. Uh, and then this jail is over here for, you know, uh, small time criminals or what, you know, I don't know. So there's, there's a good possibility, you know, wait till you get, you know, oh, wait a few more years until he comes up back up to Alabama. And, you know, I don't know.

Speaker: I'm sure you can bribe a Peruvian guard to let you in for five minutes. Plus, and this is the other thing at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is be in jail in another country. In my own country, but I don't want to go to because God only knows what's going on over there. Well, like one of the worst things you can do is go to jail, Mexico.

Speaker: Uh, I've never been, but I've had friends that, you know, like they can throw you in jail here for it. If you curse out a cop, like if you're like, fuck you don't take me to jail. I mean, in all honesty, they throw you in the drunk tank for person at a cop here. Right. Yeah. Well, drunk take is one thing, but I mean, they'll, they'll, I've had buddies that have gone to jail here, but it's not cool. I don't even remotely, I'd rather go to jail on the stage.

Speaker: I'm like, I gotta just not go to jail. Period. Let's be honest. Uh, you know, I'm also on the mindset of, if I'm ever in Mexico and it cobblends, well, I know you fuckers are all dirty. So you know what? This is going to end one way. Me dead or you dead at the end of the day. So, you know, let's, let's fucking, uh, let's do the walk. Yeah. Let's do the one two step walk Tuesday. Shall we? All right.

Speaker: Them boys don't play around. They all carry AR 15. Yeah, well, you gotta get to it first. So they carried rather.

Speaker: You better spend that **** around before I put my twelve size twelve boot right in your **** **** Well, they also roll about five deep all the time. That's alright and every one of them are about four foot tall. So, unless they're going to form form together like ****

Speaker: It all comes down to one simple fact, no matter where you are in the world. If you're looking for trouble, pretty sure you're going to find it. Exactly. And like I said, I don't look for trouble at any time anymore. You know, when I was younger, I was a bit of a hothead. That's why I was a bouncer. It was legal for me to be a hothead.

Speaker: Even, even times here, I've gotten an occasional fist fight and gotten an occasional screaming match and arguing match. But top shelf, we're all like, Oh no, he's my buddy. We're, we're, we're fucking around. I like, I like him. I'm killing, but that's okay. Yeah. But yeah, because nobody wants to go to jail. I don't care who you are. Yeah, no, exactly. No, at the end of the day, you know, I don't

Speaker: But I think, you know, like I said, as, as, as we said about the whole Brittney Grider situation, if you're going to another country, it would be in your best interest to read up on their laws. Or, or, or, you know, like it's literally, if you, if you look at a passport on the,

Speaker: first page of your passport in bold letters. It says, if you get caught in another country doing something you're not supposed to, we cannot help you. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, like, why do you know, a lawyer ship and that's about it. Yeah. Like for instance, in Ohio, Ohio has always been an open carriage state when it comes to guns. But if you're transporting,

Speaker: your gun in a vehicle, your gun has to be in one compartment, your magazine has to be in another compartment.

Speaker: Now, Ohio has since as of last summer, I think it was in the summer before. It was last summer. We have a new law that we are a permitless concealed carry state, still an open carry state. You don't have to have a CCW to carry. You can still get it. I would recommend getting it. I want to still get mine because the Ohio concealed carry permit is honored in like 40 states. Yeah.

Speaker: So it's the best one to have as far as concealed carry goes. But like, for instance, when I would drive to go see Nikki or when we, when we go to PA or whatever, and I have my gun with me, I wanted to read up on PA laws, you know, because I don't want to get pulled over in PA and have my gun, you know, cause now and all I can, I can wet, you know, I, I, my gun fits perfect in my,

Speaker: Holsters really cool, man. It's like this material Check this out. What I'll say Is it like that hard fiber plastic? Oh, no, no, no, no, it's dude. It's it's like so it's super fucking soft And comfortable it's just this All night Like a calf skin

Speaker: Yeah. So the inside of it's real soft and smooth, like, uh, like, uh, like felt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. So you get that pull that, that real smooth slide, but this material on the outside is almost feels like like a cat's tongue. So you can say, yeah, it's like a canvas bag. When I slide it down on my hip, it slides down real nice and smooth, but it doesn't, it doesn't move.

Speaker: Okay, I see. And it's still nice and comfortable to, you know, like I said, it's, whether it's on my back or it's on my hip, but I can, when I'm in my car, because this is all it is, my gun sits down in it, I can slide it down beside my driver's side seat between the middle console. And it's because this material, once it's in, it doesn't move. Right, you have to actually do some work to get it out.

Speaker: So, I mean, I actually have to take the gun out of the holster and then take the holster out. Oh, wow. But I love it. It's made by Blackhawk. But in Ohio, I can ride around with that, you know, tucked in my car, fully loaded.

Speaker: Um, or as I found out years ago, more little loophole is I'll take the magazine out, put the magazine in the glove box, put your gun in your center console, but you have one in the chamber. That's not illegal. Supposedly that's not illegal. I don't know. I just, I've been told that, but, uh, but when I go to PA, I've looked at their laws a little bit. I don't really.

Speaker: quite understand them. But I do love box gun center console to separate quote unquote locked compartments just in case, you know, but yeah, like I said, I mean, it would be in your best interest, you know, even if you're if you're a frequent traveler from different countries know their laws, educate yourself. Just

Speaker: be a good person. You know, don't be an asshole. I mean, I mean, I mean, like homeboy got his ass whooped in was it Taiwan or Thailand or whatever? Because because. Oh, who's the guy that got a car? There was a guy that like threw a gum wrapper on the floor or on the ground or spit his gum out on the ground or something and got locked up. Damn, that's fucked up. Yeah. Well, I lost this.

Speaker: No, okay, you know it comes down to you know, if you don't it's like here One of my favorite pastimes in Ohio is go hang out in the fucking woods. Do nothing. I think I do that here. Oh I've had my dog run off in the woods. I'm like, yeah, well you come back when you're ready because I'm not

Speaker: chopped up and found it in a fucking garbage bag or find something you're not supposed to, or got to bid your trespasses. So, you know, I literally just stand there and call my dog's name like an asshole, because I'm not going to go over there. And, uh, the whole Brittany driver thing, she got in trouble for, for we, the only place that's really,

Speaker: legal besides Amsterdam is fucking us Maybe not do it and she played in that league over there in Russia for years. She can't even claim ignorance exactly No, excuse the law You know Because I tried that, you know doing donuts in the school parking lot get yelled at by a cop I'm like, oh I didn't know

Speaker: No, but like I said, hopefully with the whole Natalie Holloway situation, I'm glad to see it finally come to an end. Not because I'm tired of hearing of it, I'm glad, I'm happy for her family. They finally get some sort of semblance of peace of mind, something. I couldn't imagine something like that happening to one of my kids.

Speaker: and not knowing the truth for 18 years. As a parent, as a parent, there wouldn't a day go by that you wouldn't go motherfucker. Yeah. Just tell me something. You know, I mean, we've all been there at the doctor's office with the, you know, when, when we've had a friend or family member in the ER and you're like, Hey, can I get a fucking update? You know, imagine it with someone,

Speaker: presumably possibly dead. I mean, they ruled her dead in 2012, but I mean, you never know because you hear these stories, um, about women going overseas and traveling and getting kidnapped and, and, and sent into sex trafficking and trafficking and whatnot. And then they find them 10, 15 years later or

Speaker: you know, whatever. And it's like, you know, great, they're alive, but holy crap. Are they going to be able to acclimate back into normal life, back into normal life? I was looking up Natalie and like, if you scroll down, you know, I have them, the frequently asked questions, the frequently asked thing. You've also asked, it was like, uh, Natalie Hollowell, Holloway founded, founded Jamaica.

Speaker: you know, obviously it's false, you know, it's all this stuff. So you have that too, where it's like, you don't know what to believe. Yeah, exactly. The constant, I don't know. Like I said, I'm glad that they had some kind of closure. My heart hurts for him as a parent, as a father, I couldn't imagine going through it, but at the same time, you know, I'm very happy for him.

Speaker: I'm glad they get some sort of closure and they can finally, because if what he said is true that he just threw out in the ocean, they're never gonna find her body. But the family gets this little bit of closure, they get this little bit of, they can close this book. It's not even closing a chapter in a book. They can close the book and they can try to,

Speaker: Somehow because in the last 18 years I'm sure they've grieved the loss. I'm sure they've gone through it, but they've never been able to actually fully

Speaker: uh, grieve and, and, and, and deal with the loss or accept the loss or, or whatever. Because again, without any absolute proof, I'm going to have as a parent and Jeff here the same way in any of our listeners who are parents, I feel like you guys are going to feel the exact same way without actual proof, without actual confession. We're always going to hold out to that small sliver of hope that maybe just maybe they're still alive. Yeah.

Speaker: And maybe they're gonna come home, maybe they're gonna walk through that door. And you're never gonna get that full closure, that full, be able to accept that full grievance until you know for a fact. And then they finally have that peace of mind and that knowledge of knowing what happened to her. And it's gotta be a tough pill to swallow, especially to know that

Speaker: That's why it happened because she simply rejected some douche canoe. They couldn't accept. Yeah. I know. I know. I've been rejected. I'm sure you have, you know, you're talking to you think I've been rejected. Look at me. I was in the front zone first and foremost.

Speaker: Well, that's what they, we've all been putting that friend zone. We've always, you know, I grew up, I knew so many girls, man. They, they fucking change in front of me, snuggle up in a bed and nothing, but they're brawling panties beside me. I'm like, I'm fucking.

Speaker: Yeah. I'm friend zone over here. I'm not a cook. Just friend zone. I choose Nikki because, uh, you know, she showed me pictures of, of, you know, we, we all went to school around the same time of her in high school. I'm like friends on the fuck out of me. And she's like, I've seen your eyes. She's like, I've seen your high school pictures. There ain't no fucking way. And now I said, I promise you, you would have friend zone the shit out of me.

Speaker: every girl did in high school and I mean, I just got to the point where it's like, yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, I don't know. Some random slut will blow me. Seriously, but I mean, that's the thing. It's like, okay, she turned you down. Move on, dude. You're literally in a party camp.

Speaker: I'm pretty sure you can go get laid somewhere else. Yeah. All right. Well, I mean, so for you, for instance, like you're in Cancun, everybody knows that's a huge tourist destination. Everybody can get laid by throwing a stick and I need to write 100 ,000 people come through that city a day or something like that, you know, tourists. Yeah. You know, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. You know, you might get turned down by six women.

Speaker: but there's also six more women that somewhere they're going to be like, yeah, what's up? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yes. There is the occasion where you go home when you wake up in the morning and go, Jesus, right? You might get turned down by, by six, eight, three tens, but there's going to be those sevens and six that are going to be like, what's up?

Speaker: I'll have one more beer and this will be awesome. But you also have to look at yourself in the mirror and realize I'm also a four or five. So maybe I better, maybe I better buy her a beer too. I'm gonna say. I'm a four or five and I'm landing like something between a, you know, a woman between a six and an eight. You know, I might as well count her blessings. Exactly. And you know, I mean, yes, this, this girl was, was beautiful. She was a good looking girl.

Speaker: I get why he tried to hit on it. But I literally hit on perfect 10 model, but you don't see me kill it when they turn me down. Or have you? Because, oh, no. Tourists go missing with Mexico all day every day. Dude, hitting on a perfect 10 model is the scariest thing you'll ever do. Are you the butcher of Cancun, Jeffrey? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah. I mean, that's, that's, and I think that's, you know, 99 .9999999 % of the time. That's the mentality of dudes in a bar. It doesn't really matter where you are. And you got to the bar and you're hoping to get laid that night. You, you know, you're, you throw your hat in the ring. Oh, you lost. Okay. Go throw your hat. Six out of 10 times. It might be a swing in an Amish. Yeah. But, you know,

Speaker: I had a buddy of mine. They used to always say, you'll never strike out if you set your bar low. Hey, Hey, I've gone home with the preacher, the preacher from the blue lagoon. I was like, well, that's a, that's your ball game, buddy. That's low. But, but yeah, you, you worked your way down the scale. You start with the tens as they tell, you know, you go on to the nines, you work your way down and you finally hit your stride about six and seven.

Speaker: I'm okay with that. Yeah. I mean, you never know. You miss 100 % of the shots you don't take. Exactly. You gotta start, you know, I, again, never been my, my, my, my, my thing to go to a bar and try to get laid. It's never been something that I've strived for or went to the bar for.

Speaker: I'm the yeah, I'm very rare in that aspect as a dude even when I was single You know, if I was going to the bar my main thing But let's be honest, let's be honest here the bars where you are are not Dude I've been single they're not holding to 3 ,000 people at a time Yeah, they are in Columbus. Yeah, absolutely. They are

Speaker: of a different country all the time. Like people from around the world. It doesn't matter if it's a country or not, you still have the same amount of people there and it's always, you know, the women's voice. Yeah, how many members in Columbus are packing them at two, 3 ,000 people a night? Quite a few of them. There's six. There's six in one area that will half out every single night to the point where they have to start turning people away.

Speaker: a few of and you forget that I lived in Charleston. You forget I lived in Charleston, which is a tourist city. People from all over the world came to Charleston. I get it. So, I mean, I totally understand that. I mean, yeah, there's bars that are packaged Monday through Friday or Monday, you know, Monday through Saturday because they'd be closed on Sunday or whatever. Oh, no. We're open every single night.

Speaker: You know, I, you know, but I, I mean, even dude, there was a bar that I worked at on campus. It was called the tiny bar or the little bar or whatever, because it was just a little bar on the weekends alone. You'd have four or five, 6 ,000 students or people in there. And if it was a game day, you could have 10 ,000 fucking people there. Easy for OSU.

Speaker: So, I mean, yeah, Columbus absolutely packs bars, packs, you know, the clubs, but, you know, I never went, and it's never been my thing. My, you know, if I'm going to the bar, my initial thought is I'm going to hang out with my buddies. Or, Oh, that's the difference. I didn't have any buddies. I literally went to the bar to meet somebody by myself. It was like, Oh, you know, I'm bored at home. I'm just going to go have a few drinks and watch some sports on the TV.

Speaker: I didn't have TV at nine times out of 10 when I wasn't even looking, I, I, nine times out of 10, I had better look than any of my buddies ever did. Right. Because some way out of my league would come up and start talking to me. It wasn't like I went and fucked her in the parking lot, or I may never have fucked her with, I got her number. Some shit way out of my goddamn league. I didn't have no business talking to me. A hundred percent happens all the time. I really liked it.

Speaker: I'm the safest guy in the place. I'm not slobbingly drunk, hitting on everything with a vagina. B, I'm just minding my own business. And then C, I'm a pretty big dude. I'm kind of intimidating.

Speaker: I think I was used a lot because they were just tired of being hit on. They're ducking for the other guy. Yeah. So I'm going to go over there and hang out with this fucking Sasquatch mind in his own business at the end of the bar, watching football. Who are you hiding from a guy? Yeah. OK, go ahead and buy me a beer. You got the deal. I'm here. I'll pretend to be your boyfriend for the night.

Speaker: Actually, you say that and that has happened to me a time or two. Would you pretend to be my boyfriend for the night and I'll pay for all of our drinks? Okay. You better have deep walls. I'm going to max that credit card out. I had a girl, I had a girl down in Charleston shortly after my wife and I split. I was at one of the bars down there and she did that. She was like, our friends all laughed.

Speaker: you know, I'm not ready to go home. All these weird dudes are around. Can I hang out with you? Yeah, sure. She's like, I'll buy. I'm like, okay. You don't have to, but okay. You just fucked up. I was just chilling. It was a Saturday night. College football was on. I was watching the games. She was actually bars where it's like, it's not like a dance club, right?

Speaker: Well, this was like a bar slash club, but it was a big. All the bars here are dance clubs, but it was, but it was, it was college football, which college football is huge in the South.

Speaker: Right. And this was the big 10 bar, which the big 10 is up here where we're from, Ohio state, Michigan. This guy, this cat was from Chicago and he had a big 10 bar. So he played all, all like all the games from Michigan, Ohio state, Indiana, Wisconsin, Illinois, Northwestern, the breath. So that's where I like to go on Saturdays to watch all the games from, from up here, like that pertain to the big 10.

Speaker: and I can always watch the Michigan games there but they always had SCC and stuff like that on as well but uh and then at the end of the night I mean I was I was pretty fuckered up and she was like I'm calling an Uber and I'm gonna have him take you home and then take me home. I was like all right. What are you saying? Yeah and uh me Drake. I was like my car's in the parking lot. I'll just go sleep with my cars in there.

Speaker: But it is the next thing she, she texted me and she's like, I'm gonna let me know when you're feeling up to it and I'll drive over and I'll pick you up and we can go get your car. I was like, okay, cool. So she wound up coming over and we became friends. I mean,

Speaker: I wasn't in there for anything. I was just hanging out with chicken beer and watch a football. Like I do the bartenders because they were, the bar was actually one of my customers. So I knew everybody in there and that's why I like to go. Not only that, but I also got to watch all the local big 10 football and everything like that. But, uh, they're like, yo, click out last night. Go. And I'm like,

Speaker: I slept in my garage and then she picked me up this afternoon and brought me over to get my car. And now I'm sitting in here drinking beer, watching NFL. And they're like, Hmm, yeah, sure. I'm like, Oh, that's exactly how it went. I can't, I can't. So I've, I've been that I've had that experience where it's like some girls like, Oh, can you walk me to the bus stop? Okay. Yeah, no problem. Walking bus stop.

Speaker: Have a good night. And then you get back and your buddies are like, what happened? Like put her on a fucking bus, you know? And they're like, yeah, sure. I'm like, no, honestly, I put her on a bus. People don't believe it. And you're like, yeah, I'm just an actual nice guy. I'm not going to try to fuck her on the bus. But it is what it is. It's one of those things. There were times where I'd go to the bar and you'd be walking to some of the bars here at a certain time.

Speaker: next thing you know, you're being hit on by some chick and you're kind of like, come see me in about three hours when I'm hammered. Right. But yeah, Benji, you're not wrong. I just, I just showed them ladies, my championship belt, let them know that I'm the inter -galactical champion and they just, yeah, we'll give you a ride home. That's about it. It just blocked to me. I got to fight them off, man. I'm like, Oh, shit. That's what I tell my wife. She's like, where are you going?

Speaker: I'm like, I'm going to the store. Wait, you're going to talk to some chick? I said, nope, taking my stick. Why are you taking the stick? Beat off the beat. Get back to it. Yeah, he's going to beat off the bitches because those bitches have wieners. My wife thinks chicks hate on me all the time. I'm like, yeah, sorry, I'm not a chick. That doesn't happen to dudes. Yeah, no, I, uh, but I've never, I've never been that guy to go to the bars or go to the clubs or,

Speaker: anything like that with the mentality of I'm going to get laid tonight. I'm going to fuck all the women's in the bar like this has not ever been my I've been that guy. I've been like that. You were that guy. I've never killed a chick because she told me no. You have always been that guy and if you tell me otherwise, I know you're a **** liar because

Speaker: I mean, I don't know. Can't good butcher. I don't know how many women you killed. Uh no, I mean like as you said, it's a heartbeat in a wet spot. I don't know whatever the **** it is you say. It's a whole heartbeat. Yeah.

Speaker: I'm going to bang all the cause hoes. No, you're not, Jeff. Yes, I am. Watch all of them. I'm going to bang the entire secretary. No, you're not Jeff. Watch me. Not all of them, but I got as nice as I could. I want to get the early childhood development class. Those are all like negative positive. I don't care.

Speaker: I've never been that guy.

Speaker: We didn't take a break real quick and then when we come back, I'm going to tell you the story about a situation. Before we go to break, ladies and gentlemen, you probably ask us, guys, how the hell

Speaker: Do you keep doing these long ass fucking podcasts? You guys do three, four hours in a clip, sometimes six hours in a clip. How in the hell do you do that? Where does the energy come from? Well, it's easy. Our good buddy's a dubby energy. It's a powdered energy drink. You simply mix it with 20 ounces of water and then you go to town. The great thing about it is there's no jitters. There's no crash. Like some of these other energy drinks that are out there.

Speaker: However, because you are drinking water and I'm like some people you're only supposed to drink one a day, not 47 Jeff. Uh, it will, it will, uh, much like our good friends at liquid IV, it will clear your system. You will have to pee a lot. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. If you are ready to stand behind nonsensical nonsense and w and wage war on big energy.

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Speaker: Come here energy baby! Go get a job though! War on big energy

Speaker: dry era. So do I rose sword rose. You see the comment? You drink it. He's been quick.

Speaker: Nice. Come on, give us a cheers. Cheers. Oh, whatever you said, let's take ourselves over real quick break. I don't. I know I did that. I know I did that. I don't think I did this. Uh, God, blue oyster colts. Don't fear the Reaper cup. Rock.

Speaker: I love this song too. And these guys did rock cover featuring are by Violet Orlanda or Landy and Jonathan music. Check them out on YouTube. Show them some love. They did a kick -ass job and this young lady's voice is something else. And y 'all know, I love a good rocker chick.

Speaker: It doesn't matter when everything falls apart

Speaker: you

Speaker: And it was clear that she couldn't go home And then the door was open and the wind appeared The candles blew and then disappeared The curtains flew and the key appeared And someone burned his head open As she ran to him The key was backward and second by

Speaker: Love you. I'll see you in the morning. Make sure you have whatever you need to go back to moments tomorrow. Welcome back.

Speaker: That is a good song. I like the way she sings this. I love that song. Still playing on my end. I don't know why it doesn't sometimes it was played on my end. Um, no, it was a good song. I thought that they did really good cover. I like her voice. I like his voice as well. Um, they did a good job. But you said spit Halloween open up and they made this video. I mean, you're not wrong.

Speaker: Violet or landy. I think that's how you say that and Jonathan Jonathan music For Sunday position I drank them Sunday we won

Speaker: sure. Come this Sunday, we win again. It's an expensive year. I'm just saying it's not any more expensive than a normal week for me. I buy like a 12 pack three times a week. So I mean, it's true. $13 or $15 a pop. That's $45 a week. That's $180 a month. You know, there, I mean, I don't know if you've seen the meme. It's like,

Speaker: Uh, well, it's like a little, like a comic strip woman asked the guy, how much beer do you drink? I don't know about $50 worth a day. She's like, you know, that adds up to blah, blah, blah. In the past 10 years, you could have bought an airplane. He's like, you drank. She's like, no, where the fuck's your airplane? Yeah, exactly.

Speaker: What the fuck's your airplane? Welcome back to nonsensical nonsense everybody. He's Jeff. I am Glick. It's like having sex with me. A lot of buildup for huge disappointment.

Speaker: I'm just saying, if you're not already shame on you, your motherfuckers, go check us out on the social medias. Go follow, go subscribe, go like, go share Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tik TOK. I'm sorry. X not Twitter anymore. We do go live Monday, Wednesdays and Saturdays on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitch.

Speaker: 7 p .m. ish. And if you missed this live or you just can't watch this live or whatever, buddy, I love you. You can always catch all the shows on Simcast or Spotify and everywhere you listen to podcasts. And if you're listening on a podcast platform, you just punch us in and I'd be willing to bet money that we are there. And you can either just simply look up nonsensical nonsense or, or

Speaker: Go to bio link bio link slash nonsensical nonsense and get all them links and get the links to our sponsors like W energy and liquid ivy and if you're a podcast driver Strongly recommend you check out sin caster for all your podcasting needs with that being said get the fuck out of my face Goddamn dog You like to ban

Speaker: I've heard of sky skinned Was that a skinner cover band? Anywho Amy He you Shit whoops shows over ladies and gentlemen over three hours deuces by

Speaker: Well, we'll probably push the show out till about 11 tonight. Wednesdays, uh, you know, 11 is not too bad. I gotta try to be more mindful of that first hour of conversation. Uh, let's, let's, um, I can do that Saturday. I can do that Saturday. Let's hang out in Florida. Shall we? Oh, I love.

Speaker: I got three stories coming out of Florida tonight that might be able to keep us going for the next, uh, Oh, you know, hour or so, whatever the case may be. So, uh, a Tampa lawyer just facing child neglect charges after, um, well, actually, hold on a second. Pinellas beach cops say a Tampa lawyer is facing child neglect charges.

Speaker: Well, what do you think this lady did? Oh, there's a she's a lady, by the way. OK, she left the kid in the car. Well, no, they're not dead, fortunately. Patricia Ann Bronson, 41, was arrested at Upham Beach, Upham Beach Saturday. That's been a couple of Saturdays ago after she left two girls ages three and seven.

Speaker: near the water. How far away was she? Basically she pulled up at the beach, dropped the two girls off and then drove off to go find a parking spot. 41 year old Tampa lawyer was arrested Saturday after she left two girls ages three and seven unattended just feet from the Gulf of Mexico for at least

Speaker: a half hour. So it wasn't like, you guys wait here. Mommy's going to go park the car and I'll be right back. I'm going to go park, smoke some meth, blow some random janitor on my way. You know what? I don't know what she was doing. We're just, it's Florida. It's Florida. We're just assuming, um, during which

Speaker: time. The younger girl wandered into the water alone. The three -year -old wandered into the goddamn Gulf of Mexico alone. Yeah, that undertoke hit you too. Mm -hmm. That undertoke ain't no joke. Uh uh Bronson was uh she was uh arrested and was booked into Pinellas County Jail on two counts of neglect of a child without great

Speaker: And according to rest reports from the sheriff's office, the charge is a third degree felony. Jeff, I know you're familiar with the, uh, with the law, um, not because you studied law, but because you like to break the laws. Hence the reason you're in Mexico. How bad is a third degree felony? It's pretty bad. I'm pretty sure. I mean, anything felony in the name can't be good. Yeah, exactly. I'm no lawyer.

Speaker: I don't know a lawyer. Well, I wonder if she'll, I wonder if she'll, uh, can she use that defense? I'm no lawyer. Wait a minute. I am. Yeah. I wonder if she would have fed herself or she'll represent herself in court. Well, they see, even though even if you are a lawyer, you shouldn't defend yourself because you can get too emotional. Well, uh, Bronson's employer,

Speaker: is White and Case, LLMP, an international law firm with a location in Tampa, according to the arrest report. The Florida Bar also lists Bronson a lawyer for White and Case, LRP. Reached by phone this week, Bronson declined to comment. Efforts to reach a lawyer who Bronson said was representing her were unsuccessful this week after multiple phone calls to his office.

Speaker: So when this happened witnesses watch Bronson drop the girls off at the beach Then get back in her car and leave and a rest report states they arrest The arrest report describes Bronson as a caregiver to the girls One witness told deputies that she asked the seven -year -old where her sister was and the girl responded by pointing to the water Jesus

Speaker: The witness ran it ran to the water and found the three year old and waste deep water by herself report state. The girl continued to run off. The witness told deputies. The witness later persuaded the three year old to stay with her in the seven year old. Bronson left the children by themselves for 30 to 45 minutes. The arrest report states. Bronson told deputies that she was parking the car.

Speaker: where in Ohio? She's or I know I like where the **** where you going? Bronson told deputies that she was parking the car though she confirmed no one was watching the girls while she did so while being booked into the Pinellas County Jail. deputies added an additional third degree felony charge of introducing slash processing contraband in a country or a county detention facility.

Speaker: She tried to sneak in some of that cocaine in her prison pocket, if you will. Good thing they had a lady there to do the old. We've never used anyone of Florida being smart, but I mean, you're a **** lawyer, lady. I mean, I don't even let my kids be alone in the house while I go out to my car that's sitting in front of the house. Well, your kids are

Speaker: Well, yeah. Yeah. Bronson, the deputy said that Bronson was acting nervous and fidgeting when the deputies asked if she was fighting anything. Bronson said she was just cold. Deputies laid around a small vape pen containing a liquid substance after Bronson passed through an x -ray machine.

Speaker: I'm assuming. Uh but again, it's a big way with contraband. I don't know the jail. I've never been in jail. Well, well, Brittany Guider, she got in trouble for having. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she she she had weed. That was a weed vape pen. I don't know if this is but it just simply says a vape pen and it was contraband. So, okay. Well, well, being one who's. I've never.

Speaker: They were literally putting her in the jail waiting trial, but I mean, she wouldn't try it. I mean, because they okay. So, okay. This is the part I'm kind of sticking up for it. Unless it was crammed up in her prison pocket or wherever prison pocket is typically your asshole. Um, or her, uh,

Speaker: typically, you know, from my knowledge, my limited knowledge and no experience, when you go into booking, before they arrest you, they search you, correct? Correct. So by the time you've reached booking, you've probably been searched at minimal two times, if not more. However, however, um,

Speaker: Unless there's a, like, okay, she's a female. A female has to be searched by a female officer. Now, if it's just an overnight stay, they don't do a scripture. But again, if it's just something that was in her pockets, like real pockets. Right. They would have found that through either the initial search or the search when she got to the department. And there's bound, you know, there might not be a female officer present.

Speaker: at the time of the arrest but they're they're they're going to make sure they're going to radio ahead. I've seen enough where they're going to say, you know, we need a female officer when we when we arrive at but but we've all been in that situation where we can't find our wall can't find our **** lighter and it's in our **** pocket. Yeah, but I'm just saying if they searched her and she wasn't trying to hide it and you know, example, her prison pocket either the front or back prison pocket in her case.

Speaker: or prison wallet, not pocket prison wallet. If she wasn't trying to hide it in one of those two areas, it should have been found in either A, the initial search, or B, the booking search, correct? Agreed. Agreed. So is it fair to charge her with an additional third degree felony? Contraband? And again, they don't say. I don't believe so.

Speaker: I don't believe so. Uh, if, if it's something that she's like, Oh shit, I totally forgot I had that. And if it was in her pocket, like if she's wearing cargo shorts and there's car in her in a cargo pocket, that's understandable. But if it's up in your prison pocket or, or Fanny pouch as it were, then you're obviously trying to smuggle it in. That's what I'm saying. So, you know, and they don't say where it was found or how, you know, but

Speaker: Again, I would think, and I don't know. One of those things where you can get like she's staying like a night in the drunk tank. All right. I get it. You weren't trying to smuggle in. You forgot it was there. Reasonable doubt. But it's not a matter of forgetting. That's the thing. It's not a matter of forgetting that it's in your pocket because it should have been found during one of the two searches. Right. But I mean,

Speaker: even even an initial you can have it here if my vape is in my pocket and you pat me down if you do if you do a half -ass pat down and my vape is in my pocket if this is in my pocket right or this is in my pocket well the bigger one yeah well this one's actually bigger well well my wife my wife gets those disposable vapes yeah well that's what these are

Speaker: Well, the once she gets there, they're like, like the, but still either lighter is bigger than the bait, my wife, but either way, if it's in your pocket and the initial pat down or the initial search, uh, they should have found, I agree with you. However, uh, a lot of women sometimes do. And, and I've seen this all the time.

Speaker: out of random stuff like they'll stuff money in their bra. Well, yeah, but again, when you get to the station and if you don't have a lady officer on the scene with the initial arrest, when you get to the station or you get to the jail,

Speaker: they have a female officer there. She's going to do a search as well. And even if you have a bait, even a small bait, they cut the brawl. I've seen it done a bazillion times. Yeah. And they left, they left, they go under, they check everything. They don't, you don't have to do a full script search, but you can tell like your sister, like your sister, like your wife has or your, your wife buys, you're going to feel that in her bra or you're going to feel money or a lighter or,

Speaker: Because all the time they constantly push it in their brawl. It is what it is. It's like an extra Yeah

Speaker: Like like Benji said if she wasn't hiding it then it's a BS charge. She can probably fight that one I agree the fact that they didn't go into detail where they found it. I think this contraband is Kind of BS thing. It's just it's stretching it. They're like, let's let's throw something else on it It's one of those things you could literally get some asshole cop. It's like, you know this bitch left her fucking kids that I mean her kids she's just if I understood you correctly

Speaker: She's just their guardian. So maybe he's just like, fuck you. I'm going to look, I found a vape pen or I didn't find a vape pen. Let's go ahead and metal detect you just in case. Oh, look, you're trying to smuggle to send. But you said she, she seemed overly nervous. Yeah. I'm sorry, par for the course when you're going to jail.

Speaker: Well, yeah, I mean, you're absolutely going to be and, and, uh, uh, spoiler alert, if you will, use a Tony D phrase. I don't want to basically legal in Florida. Right. But yeah, but like, they don't even allow cigarettes. I mean, they do allow cigarettes in jail. I mean, people smoking. Some do some don't.

Speaker: Look, motherfucker, I would fucking trade your ass for a carton of cigarettes and a ho -ho and you'd be somebody else's bitch or problem, whatever. Crack this pocket, motherfucker. Sorry, Jeff, I got two cartons of cigarettes and a ho -ho for your bitches. You don't even smoke. Yeah, but I got currency now. Exactly. Where's that?

Speaker: Uh, no, but I, like I said, 25 years, 25 years, what? I don't know you complete, complete bullshit charge that she should be able to fight, uh, fairly easily. Or she literally was, you know, prison pocket. Yeah. Maybe she was feeding. Yeah. This, this story goes on and on about, uh,

Speaker: contacting her employer. She was released on a $15 ,000 bond. Um, but then it goes on about that, but had not responded to the Tampa Bay times request for comment. That's white in case LLP, uh, et cetera, et cetera. Um, the Florida bar website States Bronson graduated from Florida, uh, coastal.

Speaker: school of law in 07 damn kind of explains a lot right there i mean damn she was kind of old when she graduated oh seven was only that 16 years ago i was 41 i guess not too old this is our age yeah should have been like 26 i guess that's not too old uh yeah but it's just bunch of blah blah blah blah blah simple fact of the matter is bitch

Speaker: the fuck is wrong with you that you're gonna leave a three and seven year old on the beach for 30 to 45 minutes while you go you know I call BS on the park on parking yeah yeah here's the thing you know I understand that Charleston is different than Florida and the beaches are different whatever

Speaker: But we, we, we had two very, very popular beaches in Charleston, one being Folly beach on James Island. And that was the tourist beach. That's where all the tourists went to. And yeah, you would go there and, you know, the great thing about, for us, we were residents. So you could go, there was a section of the beach, there was parking and it was, you had to have a Charleston County parks membership, which,

Speaker: You hear that and you're like, Oh my God, you paid like $7 ,000 a year for that. No, we paid like 6 ,000. We paid like 60 bucks a year for the Charleston County parks membership thing. And it gave us access to all the parks, exclusive parking, residential parking, this and the other thing. So there was a section of, of Folly beach that only residents could park at and only residents could eat, but

Speaker: Damn, really? You see beaches all the time down at downtown Charleston. But if you were, if you didn't have that and you weren't a resident in the summertime during tourist season, you would literally drive up and down Folly Beach for a half hour trying to find a parking spot. Oh, great. But most sane people are not letting their three and seven year, you know what you guys get out.

Speaker: You're going to stand a fucking car when I park it. We'll walk. Yeah, exactly. Because regardless of where you park that you're either going to be, cause there was two streets that allowed parking on James Island and Benji probably knows exactly what I'm talking about. Cause he's been there and he lives in South Carolina right now. Um, one street is literally right on the beach. So you get out and you walk up and you're right there on the beach. So the next street up literally not even a full block.

Speaker: uh You go through a little alleyway and there's another street and that's where you can park at on one side of folly beach the other side of folly beach That other that other block is non -existent. It's all bars and restaurants and whatnot and shops and stuff like that but um So regardless of where you park it on folly for instance When you get out of your car, you you you you walk a you know You walk a hundred yards and you're on the beach if a hundred yards if that

Speaker: exactly now like here now like here we go to like dylan and and whatnot to go to the the quote unquote beach because you know we don't have beaches like coastal beaches in ohio it's a beach next to a pond let's be on it's a lake it's a lake like dylan state park is where we like to go or we go down to uh as we discovered um when we went down to hawking hills

Speaker: The beach that we went to was a beautiful little beach on the lake. The water was nice and clean, you know, beautiful little area to go and swim. But there you literally park right at the, right at the quote unquote beach. Dylan, you, there's a big ass parking lot, but even if I were to drop my kids off and then go park, you're still 200 yards away from the damn actual quote unquote beach. They got like a park because it's a park.

Speaker: up on top of the hill and then you go down the hill and then you get into the sand and then the water and the water is probably from the time you hit the sand till you get to the water is probably another see another hundred yards. So you got 300 yards in between. But even then, you know, I, I, Hey, you guys wait here. I'm load all this stuff. You guys wait here. I'm going to go park the car. I literally takes noodle 30 seconds to go park the fucking car in the parking lot.

Speaker: right? And if it's going to take any longer than that, exactly. Like if you, if you haven't a remote guest, it's going to take longer than 30 seconds to park cars. Fuck you. You guys are all coming with you. We'll drag all this shit. And that's the other thing. And yeah, I should have, I should have already been on that, but thank you. Let everyone know, folly isn't that big. It's one road in and one road out. It literally is. Uh, you, you, you, you know, there's not many places to park.

Speaker: There so I mean and once you get on to folly folly is on James Island Jay, it's on the on the coastal side of James Island There's a lot of houses and and whatnot on folly and it's a very long stretch of road Once you get down to the beach you come down this road you turn left or right and it's a very long stretch of road right Well even here if I want to go to the beach here I have to

Speaker: Finding a parking spot is insane because there's only one beach you can park at, there's never parking at. And even if you do get lucky enough to park at there, it's basically as soon as you step out of the parking lot, you're on the beach. Other places, if you want to go to the beach in the hotel zone here, there's only like three other places you can go and park. But once again,

Speaker: the beauty of living here is you park one place, y 'all jump on a bus and you get to any beach in Cancun and in a matter of seconds. And, you know, I mean, I, I hate going to the beach. So, but there we go. Yeah. Benji. Uh, yeah. Kind of how folly is Benji even confirmed definitely a hundred yards or less at folly. And then you got all palms, which is another,

Speaker: touristy beach, a lot more, it's not as busy or hectic as Folly and it's more set up and designed for the tourists to come there with parking up and down the road in the middle of the road. When you come into, when you come into our palms, where the parking is, where the restaurants and beaches are, you got one road that goes this way and you have one road that goes this way and there's parking in the middle of the road or

Speaker: Yeah, there's parking in the middle of the road and then on either side, but it's one way on either side, one way, colon, North, one way, going South or East or West, whatever you want to call it. But then they have parking lots and it's a little bit farther to walk to the actual beach. Uh, but even still you're not unbearable. Yeah. You're not just throwing your, your three and seven year old out. Uh, and then even Sullivan's Island, not so much.

Speaker: It's in Sullivan's Island, Owl Palms, both on Mount Pleasant, which is basically an island across from downtown Charleston. Sullivan's Island, it's a little touristy -ish, but it's a little bit more quiet than other places. They got some really good restaurants, plus Fort Moultrie's there, which if you're not familiar with Fort Moultrie,

Speaker: Uh, you might be familiar. It's a strip of land in the ocean. Yeah, pretty much. That's exactly how folly is. Uh, Fort Moultrie, uh, a that's where Charleston gets their state flag from being the Palmetto tree in the mood because the port wasn't finished and the British attacked and they literally just had Palmetto trees laid down and made a wall and had mud. And they discovered that the Palmetto trees were so strong.

Speaker: because they were literally taking the cannon blast from British ships and the cannons were just kind of bouncing off of them. What? Literally. Hey, have you ever seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Yeah.

Speaker: You know, the guy with the long hair and he's bald on top. Yeah, the goofy guy looks like the guy from Scary Movie 2. Yeah, a little half. Well, that's my daughter's new boyfriend that she has introduced me to. Oh, now. Yeah, apparently right now, right in the middle of the show. But wait, let me get a picture ready. Not only. Nice. Not only was Fort Moultrie made famous for that,

Speaker: You know, we're staying in the barrage from the British army. There, uh, but a, a very well -known, uh, author and writer that I'm actually, uh, I guess a descendant of served in the army at Fort Moultrie. Nice. Think on that for a second. I'll be right back. Wait, bring him into all the show. We know.

Speaker: I'm assuming this is what her boyfriends look like.

Speaker: I'm fighting more pictures than I think they're funny. Let me try my strong off.

Speaker: Well, he's doing that because, you know, not like we're in the middle of the show or something. Kick his ass, Glick! Kick his ass!

Speaker: Tell him the same thing I tell them all whatever you do to her we're gonna do to you

Speaker: Isn't this like, the, I think this is the newest boyfriend? I don't remember. The last one was like, a red headed version of Chris. That's like one of the last movies been turning into. A scary movie. Same stuff.

Speaker: Keep talking, we'll just vamp here for a minute. It sounds like he's getting closer, but he's not. And I'm sitting here vamping. It literally sounds like he's getting closer to the mic, but he's very loud.

Speaker: I was going to tell you to make sure you're here with us. Yeah, you're good, man. You guys are back down here or whatever. There you go. Yeah, I get it. Dad's got a dad. There you go. Take the straw arm. Take my straw arm. They said, they said. Is this the newest boyfriend?

Speaker: He said, actually, my grandfather did fucking start a cousin and have a baby. I'm like, Jesus Christ. This kid's about as big as. Jokes just write themselves. Right. You do realize I was probably going to cast right. And we're not going to let you live that. Yeah, he's he's about as big as my leg. Oh.

Speaker: Switch the camera to your phone Bodycam style

Speaker: Yeah, we can all watch the first person view horror movie. It'd be like Blair Witch, but in color. The breaker is in the hallway. I can get to the breaker box without being seen. I can just kill all the power to the house. Then all of a sudden just start playing on my phone.

Speaker: you said he was in bread I was waiting for dully banjos down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down down

Speaker: Apparently Ned Beatty, as he stated in an interview, that the only movie he's ever been ashamed of is that one. I'm like, gee, I wonder why. Outside of that grape scene, all in all, in all honesty, that was a really good movie. It was, except for the whole, you got a pretty mouth. And that was horrifying. Man oh man, grape action.

Speaker: This, this girl, I feel like we've, you guys give me shit about, I've, I've had three relationships since this podcast has started and you guys give me shit. This is like her 47th boyfriend in a month. Yeah. How many, how many boyfriends have we met on this show? I was going to say, is this okay? So this is the same year this year. Well, the last one I remember was the giant redheaded eight.

Speaker: Oh, he wasn't redheaded. The redhead was Ginger Wallen. Yeah, same difference. No, he wasn't trying. He was a little guy. There was Ginger Wallen. And then there was the big dude. And then she had her mixed boyfriend. She has no type at all. She really don't. Oh, for sure. She's not my kid.

Speaker: It's got a pole, a heartbeat, a pole and a heartbeat. I'm happy. I mean, knowing her mind, knowing her mind. Well, as I say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry. I'm only kidding.

Speaker: Only halfway. I'm only half kidding. I mean, but yeah, because I've seen at least three boyfriends on. Yeah, we never keep track either. Yeah. I never, I never got to meet the last one, the mixed one.

Speaker: If I had a mixed boyfriend, I don't know. Same thing I'd do with every other boyfriend you had. Yeah. Make fun of them. Fuck with them. I know I can take it. At the end of the day, that's why we, we kind of like being a dad because

Speaker: we know our daughter's going to bring home some bucket regardless if they're the coolest cat on the planet or they're still, or they're a bucket, they're still a bucket and we're going to make fun of them. And the more we make money, the more we like. I was like, I was like, I don't mean to be rude, but it was a podcast and I'm literally right in the middle of the show. Um, I can't leave my, my, my host, my co -host alone by himself cause he's fucking retarded.

Speaker: He was like, oh, no, you're cool. Don't worry. I was like, uh, do you mind if I hang out for like another 20 minutes or so? I was like, yeah, right there on the couch. I said, gashes, gashes in bed. He's asleep and buggies upstairs. And she's asleep. Right on the couch where I can see you. I'm just saying, I mean, I do have a machete hanging on my wall. I have a ball bat.

Speaker: the gun because that's just weird. Now, if I had two revolvers, I'd run out there like go say what he's saying. It'd be like, oh, I'm just saying when we wrap up the show, go grab your groups and your days. Boy, you certainly got to put a mile. I got a question for you.

Speaker: You should be like a pig for daddy. Give me a good squeal one time princess. Yeah, that's what that is.

Speaker: I have two eyes. I see that. But I take care of it. I have long hair also. What are we doing here? Because I have long hair. I have fingernails. I don't know. Are we going to watch Bean Girls and braid each other's hair? What's going on? Okay. I've met several parents while dating.

Speaker: It can be nerve wracking, I get it. So that first initial meet of the parents, especially the dad, you're not going to be the dad's buddy day one. It's not going to happen. Because dad knows what you know is that, let's be honest, we all had that thought on our mind when we were kids. By the way, go check the couch.

Speaker: I get it. I can definitely take this guy. No, I'm telling you the dude from Yeah, well, there's a guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show. He kind of looks like that cat. That's exactly what he looks like.

Speaker: You gotta burn that out. Why? Why did you put my two movies? Why was that aliens? I found it on here. I found I'm on I'm on Google later looking at pictures of scary movie and I was like, that's dangerous. You gotta put him out. Let me use my strong hands. Feel it.

Speaker: That's who it is. I swear to Christ, man. Well, let's see if I can. Yeah, I got it. I got a picture here.

Speaker: There you go. There you be. I got long hair. Minus, minus the hunch and the, and the, and the, and the bald. Bald spot. Yeah. I got long hair. You got to burn them out too. Weird thing to say to your girlfriend's dad. I got long hair. Okay.

Speaker: No, I was going to say, that's perfectly normal compared to my grandpa fucked his third cousin. We had a baby. What was that? Your mom? Wait, come in and say that on the podcast. I dare you. How do you respond? How do you respond? What do you, I still don't understand how you responded to. I have long hair. Okay. I want another one's face.

Speaker: I understand nerves get to you say dumb things. Trust me. I'm 42 years old. And when my nerves get to me, I say stupid things. I get it. But and I've said some dumb shit to meeting new parents, including like, look, we have the same

Speaker: nickname. He calls me daddy. Believe it or not, that did not work. I'm just saying if you're as likable as I am, I've never had a problem with a parent not liking. The first interaction

Speaker: in the first meeting, because that's like the one rare aspect of my life that I'm super confident in. You know, like, I mean, I've always been super confident. I'm like, Oh, yeah, they're gonna fucking love me. Oh, yeah. And it's like, even when I've had the cliche dad, like,

Speaker: Clean his gun or have his guns. I was like, okay. I got guns too like cool It's a nice 12 gauge. What is it? You know, what is that in Remington? Yeah, I got one Yeah, like my ex -wife when I met her dad I met her dad her entire goddamn family for deer season

Speaker: I all heard drunk ass hillbilly uncles and cousins and everything else with a whole bunch of guns down there. And I'm like, it's not intimidating. I grew up like, I know how to shoot a gun just as well as anybody here, if not better. Yeah. And, and, and, you know, there's not a person in this room that if it came down to it, if you really wanted to try to do me some kind of bodily harm that I wouldn't go fist to fist, hand to hand with you.

Speaker: And more than likely, I would win and get the gun from you. So then what are you going to do? The funny thing is, is my wife's mother likes me so much that my wife and I fight. My mother -in -law sticks up for me. Yeah. If this is my wife off to no end, she's like, oh, you know, he's stressed out today. This is me. It's like, it's like my wife's like, what the fuck? You're my mother. He's like, leave him alone.

Speaker: Well, it's like Nicky's dad being full on board, you know, calling the Cancun. Because I joke about.

Speaker: I joke about, you know, she, she ever tried to delete them. I'm going to kill her and I'm going to Cancun and her dad's like, I'm going with you. Senoritas and margaritas, siesta is like what I raised you. I understand. I get it. Have you seen this? There's a new trend on TikTok where, where the guy,

Speaker: Guy carries his wife back to her, his father -in -law. He's like, she's too expensive to take her back. The guy's like, wait, come on. No, no, we shined a deco. That's your problem. I was like, no, you ain't doing that. I'm like, wow. Like, my dad's not even a picture. I said, I can do it with your mom. I'll take it back to your mom.

Speaker: Oh, I'll be your daddy. All right. I'll be your new stepdaddy. I'll ground you. I love that when chicks are like, I'll go fuck your dad and become your new stepmom. Okay. I'll go fuck your mom, your new stepdaddy. Both of you bitches will call me daddy at the end of the day.

Speaker: And what's your point? What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't know my, my mom died. Oh my God. I have an ongoing saga on Instagram. So I posted a picture on our story. And it said,

Speaker: And I put our bio link in it, but it says, shout out to my parents for not using a condom and creating a fucking legend. And this random dude commented that follows us. He's like, you're welcome. It's even more bad -ass when you realize that we went the extra mile to create this legend. I went, wait, you're my dad. And he responded, LOL.

Speaker: I replied to the wrong clip, my daughter's clip came up just after yours, hashtag old people in a phone to which I responded. And I haven't come up with a new response after this. I responded, oh man, I've been searching for so long ever since I was left on the door of the orphanage. And then I had to grow up on the mean streets and survive as a pick pocket as nothing more than a street rat and a riff rat.

Speaker: I like reference three movies in that one. He's like, damn, that's a tough life. So I, I'm trying to, so I want, I'm like, this was just yesterday. He re -swatted back to me. So, you know, that Reba MacIntyre song, fancy, she was like, I met a beloved man and charmed a King, a politician.

Speaker: of blood, Atlanta and Congressmen. Yeah. So like that, that I got myself a Georgian, a Georgia Manson and a flat New York. Well, I want to incorporate that into like two or three more movie references and send it back to him in response. And I want to keep this course on screenshot and everything. And I want to keep this going to see how long it'll keep comment.

Speaker: I think I think actually what I want to do and be like it's not so bad. I was adopted by this real nice family, but one time they accidentally left me home alone and I had to fend off robbers all on my own. What a look like Daniel Stern. I'm just saying I had to fend off robbers all on my own.

Speaker: And then my family came back and they were so grateful that I was, that I was safe and promised to never leave me again. And then I found out that my grandfather was a, was a famous ghost hunter incorporating the most random shit. Like I had to fight off a monster in the upside down.

Speaker: But it's all good now because, you know, eventually I did find a Banellavant man. It befriended a king and a congressman and now I got me a Georgia mansion and I had a New York flat. So I just wish I could find my real parents.

Speaker: I should've been typing that in is all I'm saying. One time I got lost in New York. One time I got lost in New York and I helped stop a robbery at a toy store.

Speaker: My parents once bought me a black man to be my best friend and play with all my toys. If I adopted parents once bought me a black man. He was paid to be my best friend. You came to the Wonder Wheel. You can't go to the Wonder Wheel. You can't say it. And then one night I was at the fair

Speaker: And you know, the Zoltan machine that tells you your future. One time I, apparently my, uh, one of my adopted grandparents died and he left me the Minnesota twins. Can you believe? Yeah, I gave it up so I can go back to school.

Speaker: And then, and then on the galaxy far, far away, I found out that my actual dad was the leader of a dark organization and he cut my fucking hand off after I had me out with my sister, bro. One time I got, I got thrown back in time and I was a kid at King Arthur's Court. Yeah. My mom tried to rape me.

Speaker: One time my mentor said I have the high ground that I don't know what he meant And it is I got older and I became a man I became a boxer in South Billy and

Speaker: And the odds were stacked against me. I went up against the champion and nobody thought I could beat the champ. But you know what I did? I beat the champ. That's how I became the champ. I hope the angels win in baseball because I saw angels.

Speaker: Now that I'm older and I have kids of my own, I was out in my field one day. No socks. Joe came out of my cornfield and told me if I build it, but I just built a baseball diamond.

Speaker: I built a baseball field. You know, if you think about some of these movies we're referencing, they were, the concept's kind of stupid. And then the damnest thing happened after I built the baseball field, these giant fucking underground worms were eating my movers, man. We got hunted by the Mexican army to track down these craboids with RC cars and dynamite.

Speaker: Have you ever heard of a Graboid? Yeah, neither did I. Never heard of it before. I loaded up my four by four truck and went out in the field with a taxi driver. But I forgot to mention when I was a teenager, I was coming home one Christmas Eve and I popped into this Chinese shop because I realized that I needed to get my adopted parents a gift. And this old Chinese man gave me a

Speaker: I don't know what it was a little really like chicken Right of water. Yeah, there's a little furry creature. He was as cute as could be but he didn't like water But somehow he got water spilled on him and all his fucking cousin showed up and started wrecking everything for Christmas

Speaker: This is my play and I want to I want to make his very obscure movie reference Once met this weird ghost that if I said his name three times She moved into this house, right her name was Lydia This weird ghost guy he was like such a perv I don't know

Speaker: I was technically a demigod. I had this really cool hammer.

Speaker: One time, my half -brother, he turned into a snake. In New York. He turned into a snake when we were kids. He tried to bite me and kill me. When I was a kid, when I turned 11, I got a letter from the mysterious world. And they sent me to a castle. And I learned that. Would you believe that I was drafted to fight in the Vietnam War?

Speaker: And I met my best friend there. His name was Boa. And, uh, you know, one night we was attacked and something jumped up in the ass when we was in Vietnam. But the great thing about it was I got all the ice cream. Yeah. My next to a friend of mine. My friend, Lieutenant Dan, he didn't have no legs when we came back from Vietnam. That's a damn shame.

Speaker: that's all I got to say about that. You're going to be like, you've lived quite the life. I'm just saying it ain't easy being an orchard. Hey, you're going to get through all these movie references. He's going to be like, you should make your life a good movie. I should. I should. I don't know. Maybe, maybe my guy Tex Perkins can do the soundtrack.

Speaker: He said, ooh, werewolves. One time, my sister fell in love with a vampire and her best friend was a werewolf. And all that hell broke loose.

Speaker: It was crazy. Really? Send us the link. No. Oh, I got the video. It's on. I was like, he said it to each other. Uh **** Mike said it to me and he was like, uh something like, shouldn't you be watching football?

Speaker: and the it's called newsroom and they they're they're constantly looking for filler in between the big stories and the one guy's obsessed with big footage he's like only only there's there's this many uh animals in the world and and what is it at least only 75 percent of them have actually ever been seen and all this stuff a lot of like

Speaker: I saw that big foot. I saw that video. Yeah, Mike said it too. Well, it turns out it was a hoax. It was just some dude in a costume. It was not my real family, Benji. This is really your real dad. One time, I was walking through the woods, didn't hit my car, and his family took me home.

Speaker: that's what I should lead with. It wasn't all that bad. Yeah. You know, that's what I should lead with one time. Uh, you know, it wasn't all bad. You know, one time I was strolling through the woods and went across the street and this family hit me with their station wagon and then they tied me to the roof and took me home. And then they, then they accidentally forgot about me when they went to Paris and I had to fend off home invaders. Well,

Speaker: But I was, I was, I was never scared because I had my, my fuzzy little friends with me. They were about three foot tall, but they kept calling themselves Ewoks, but I'm glad they were there with me. They were awesome. That was delicious. Have you ever had fried Ewok? You got to come up with a different name. No, I got to keep it. I got to keep it blowing. So like,

Speaker: Obviously, I kept throwing an Ewok reference, but I got to keep it flowing. I just want to see how long I did. But it was weird. He talked backwards. He claimed to be 6 ,000 years old.

Speaker: I mean, as long as you keep intertwined in movies, cause like, okay, so, uh, Harry and the Hendersons, then you switch over to home alone. And while you're talking about home alone, you, you, you talk about the old man that, that, that, that, but you make it the old man from pet cemetery. There you go. And how he said that.

Speaker: You know, unfortunately in the break -ins, my beloved pet golden retriever was killed, but the old man across the street told me if I buried him in the cemetery, that he would come back. This golden retriever out hunting for wild boar.

Speaker: The Golden Retriever was my best friend because that was the only thing I had at the nurse or at the orphanage when I was dropped off He was he was a pup too, and he was in my little it was swallowed up free to avenge One time

Speaker: I was in the set. One time this weird guy with these weird glasses tried to give me two different types of drugs. I had a fake one. It turns out he was a friend of my grandfather who was a ghost hunter. I ended up in the woods walking down the street and I got hit by a space wagon. They strapped me to the roof of the car, took me home, and put me in the basement.

Speaker: One time, one time, my faithful golden retriever and I went to went to California for Christmas vacation in this German kidnapping. That was up to me to say.

Speaker: I used to have these action figures. One day they came alive and started fighting each other. But one day I went to the movies. Get this, this is crazy. You're never going to believe this. So one day I went to the movies to see my favorite action star in the movie. And right from the screen came out.

Speaker: Yeah, I fell into the screen. It was crazy. And then he become a kindergarten teacher. That's wild, right? Turns out he was actually a kindergarten teacher, not an active teacher. And he kept saying it's not a kuma. But I mean, you know, you

Speaker: What he took me to his chocolate factory. And somehow he gave me the chocolate factory. No, I'm the owner of a chocolate factory.

Speaker: This is insane. Not bad for an orphan, right? Owner of the Minnesota two ends and a chocolate factory. Sounds like a pretty goddamn good day from humble beginnings. It started from the bottom. Now I'm here, bro. Was had a babysitter who was a Navy SEAL. And they had this weird car.

Speaker: It was a Volkswagen Beetle. And I swear to God, that thing was a lie. My friends one time went on a treasure hunt, met this guy that kept screaming, where are you going? It hasn't always been good though. And all these great things have happened to me, but I had three very good friends that decided to go into the woods of New Jersey.

Speaker: I had to stay back and uh you know fate has a strange way of putting you in the right place at the right time because we never found my friends again. We just find that they're recording. One of them had this big Saint Bernard.

Speaker: Always getting into trouble One time I was a camp counselor and Me and all my fellow camp counselors we were We were chased by this Like I don't know who the fuck where's the hockey where I'm a hockey mask Make any sense like why would you why would you wear a hockey mask and carry a machete? I don't know but he started killing all my counselor friends

Speaker: Thankfully for me, I was a virgin and constantly lived in the friend zone. So for whatever reason, he didn't kill me. He killed all the whore girls, all the slutty girls. And one time one of the foster families I had out of nowhere, a nanny came floating in on an umbrella. She said a teaspoon of sugar. Can you believe that?

Speaker: And I got to me we had this we had a janitor a maintenance guy. He taught me karate And I went into the all -valley karate tournament and I dominated even though it was the legal game maybe when I dominated When I was in high school, I was on the football team. I was the quarterback, but I didn't ever get to play It was my time to

Speaker: And this one time I was in, I was in Germany. We had a nanny at this orphanage. She used to sing with us. And when the Nazis came, we ran off to Switzerland. I met this really nice man. He carried an umbrella and had tap shoes. And he taught me how to dance in the rain. And he said, we're going to sing and dance in the rain. I once got adopted by a very rich man.

Speaker: me and my dog went to stay at his house. During World War II, I was in an elite group of Nazi hunters. They kept calling me the Jew bear. And the leader of our group said he wanted, he wanted 10 nasty. But I was just a muscle. They called me the Jew bear. And I said, I'm not a bear nor a Jew. But that didn't matter. I was kind of scared.

Speaker: I was the biggest one in the group and they let me beat the hell out of Nazis with a ball bat. So I once hung out with his one family and the dad was a scientist and he shrunk us down to an inch tall. Three days in the back fucking yard while they look for us while hanging on a fucking clothesline with like a magnifying glass of meat. I once had a pet rat that drove a little red guard.

Speaker: Mm -hmm and talked Gina Davis was my mom As I got older and in my adult life once upon a time a very good friend of mine him and I were hitman and You know, we had to do our job and my partner extreme explained in France they don't have quarter pounders they have

Speaker: Royale with cheese. And then I had to I had to take the boss's wife. Out to dinner and dancing and she freaking OD. The craziest story now I got the kicker. One time, one summer my friends taught me how to play baseball. And I made the biggest blunder. I take a Babe Ruth baseball.

Speaker: of all these adventures. Of all these adventures I've had in my life, you know, good and bad, probably the worst adventure I had was, you know, I came home and I finally got to meet the, I finally got to see the love of my life and we went out to a bar and a couple guys got a little handsy and decided that they thought they could take me in the park. And I accidentally killed a man and I got

Speaker: I got locked up, but when the day come where I was going to get to go home and finally see my daughter for the first time, I went down to the commissary and I picked her up a bunny and they said the only transportation they had was an airplane that was transferring all the cons. Tell you what. I was a hero before I went to jail and when I came out of jail, I was a hero again. One time I I.

Speaker: worked on a farm. The maiden on the farm used to ask me stuff all the time. And I always answered. Yeah, I met this guy, he was a swatchbuckler. His boss used to say all the time, inconceivable. Is it weird that we could do this all day? Later in life, I was married and

Speaker: Had a daughter, beautiful life, freak accident. She was in a car accident one night and she died. And I gave up all hope on life and gave up my faith. Our brother came to live with us and fucking aliens showed up. I was a criminal, a giant organization. This one cop.

Speaker: took my face off. Would you believe we saw an alien and I used to ride him on my bicycle in a basket. Would you believe that I was a super secret agent spy for an elite organization in England?

Speaker: Unfortunately, uh, one of my protege or, you know, my, uh, my, uh, mentor, whatever you want to call him, he accidentally stepped on the landmine one night when we were on a mission and in order to save us and complete the mission, he sang John Denver. Yeah. Crazy thing. It was crazy. Here I am today living.

Speaker: telling sharing my stories with you one time there was a tornado everything was black and white i woke up and everything was in color again i had to go down this long road maybe yellow i met four friends and you were there

Speaker: You know, in my later years, I was a firefighter. My brother, he was a firefighter too. Our dad was killed in a fire. It was a backtrack. I became a firefighter revenge. I had to teach that fire lesson. One time I was hanging out with my buddy at Circle K.

Speaker: All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this phone book shows up. This guy comes out and say, we're supposed to save the world. Mm hmm. Crazy. Crazy, bro. Fucking crazy. I used to hang out with this guy who our cowboy had. Oh, shitty cow, Saki. And he used to tell me all the time.

Speaker: pull the trick. Yeah, I don't know why. It's not your dick. Apparently it wasn't my dick. He said Harley's not your dick. I don't know why he called me Harley, but the craziest part though, I was about 15, 16 years old. He's hanging out with my friends. He's all the time.

Speaker: I went back in time and met my mother and my father. I totally dated my mother. Supposedly. You know, all these stories, but probably one of the craziest situations was my adopted mom. One time she decided to, uh, you know, she caught through an ugly divorce and, you know, my older adopted brother and I, and we moved out to our, our grandfather's house and, and, and Santa Clara, California murder capital.

Speaker: Man, I met these two brothers. They called themselves Frawl Brothers. My brother became a goddamn vampire. My mom's boyfriend was a fucking vampire. There was a sexy saxophone guy. That dude could play the sax, let me tell you. I'm just saying, like, it was up to me and the Frawl Bros to save my brother and his hot -ass girlfriend, Star. You know, at one time in California, I was a garbage man. My brother was a garbage man.

Speaker: The movie keeps popping up. I'm goddamn Max and I'm going to watch this. One time, one time, you know, I, I got into a little bit of trouble and I had to serve community service and a part of my, my community service was, was coaching hockey for this ragtag team of hockey players.

Speaker: We came together though. You know, one time I was a dance instructor at this place in the Gaffill. I met this beautiful girl. They called her baby. Even though that wasn't her name, her name was actually Frank. I once told her dad. Nobody puts babies before. One time, one time I was down in Mexico. I met this beautiful woman.

Speaker: most beautiful sight you'll ever see. We fell in love. The Mexican cartel killed her. And it was only the right thing to do is seek vengeance. They told stories about me. They called me El Mariachi. I was a bull rider. My buddy was a bull rider. We got an argument. We didn't talk for years.

Speaker: Then one day our friend went missing in New York City. We had, we'd never been to the big city before. We went to this restaurant and they asked us what we wanted to eat. I said, well, knock its horns off, wipe its gnats, throw it down here.

Speaker: I'm running out of movies here. I'm not. That's a crazy thing. I'm really, you know, a couple of years ago, me and my friends got back together. We haven't seen each other for years. We got back together to mourn our coach's death. We played a basketball tournament, a basketball game, our old rival.

Speaker: crazy time. Once upon a time, you know, I was a little bit older and way past my prime and I decided I was going to go back to college. Started my own fraternity. When I was in college, we had this crazy guy

Speaker: during, during Hayes, you know, during hell week, who stripped off all his clothes and proceeded to scream. We're going streaking. You know, when I was a kid, I used to be on a football team and the coach, his brother, huge football star for the town. His team, his team was the cowboy.

Speaker: We were the Giants, had a big game and we won. We won. You might not know this about me, but I was pretty big deal in college. I was college quarterback, went pro, you know, might've gambled on my team. Might've had a problem with alcohol, but I wound up in prison.

Speaker: Well, when I got to prison, the warden got this crazy idea that we should have a game guards versus well, I had to lead the team and, and, and my best friend, I became best friends with this cat in prison. And, and, and because the inmate team, I put together a team and I put together the best team you'd ever seen. And my best friend, he was a team manager and the goddamn guards murdered him and tried to pin it on me.

Speaker: And my team didn't have faith in me, but God damn it. I did. I put everything out there. I put everything out there, my body and everything to get my team. When I went for the game ball, you know, once I was a reporter. And I tracked down this guy claimed to be a fan. And he sat there all night.

Speaker: That's something. I tell you, all of these stories sound a little outlandish and a little crazy, but this is the true story of my life. I mean, one time I worked in a convenience store. I wasn't even supposed to be there that day. All this crazy stuff happened. One time I worked at a fast food restaurant.

Speaker: You know, I was at, I was at Harvard. Did you know that? I went to Harvard and this bum stole my paper. And in order to get my paper back, he would give me one piece of paper a day from room and board. He taught me the greatest life lessons ever. You know, not too long ago, I used to be one of the greatest NASCAR drivers ever.

Speaker: I was involved in an accident. Lost the wheel to drive. My best friend stole my wife. My estranged father came around. He put a goddamn cougar in the car. You know, it's one time. You may not believe it. One time I moved to this town.

Speaker: They didn't allow dancing. Well, I showed them, boy. I dated the preacher's daughter and I threw a dance. Austin. You know, one time I had a job, I was wetting chicks. They can track young people's lost pets.

Speaker: And my only dolphins had lost their dolphins. Let me tell you a story about it. Let me tell you about, let me tell you the story of lost love. When I was in high school, I was on vacation this summer and I met this beautiful girl. Right. And, uh, you know, we met on the beach and she almost drowned and I saved her.

Speaker: And then I came back home and they, you know, I was back at school and I had to be cool in, in front of all my, all my friends and stuff like that. And lo and behold, she transferred from this different, she transferred all the way from Australia to my little hole in the wall school. And, you know, I couldn't, I couldn't let my friends see me around her or let my friends know that I cared about her.

Speaker: And then like, wasn't the school made fun of her, but at the end of the day, I gave you your last three. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't eat all of them. But, uh, but at the end of the day, you know, we, uh, you know, my friends and I, we were in auto shop and we built, we built this car. We caught a grease lightning, you know, it was a real tit wagon. You know, one time, you know, you know, Chris, I was married once.

Speaker: No. This guy, I was at a, I was at a, I was at a fundraiser. I came back and somebody killed my wife and I got blamed for it. But I told the cops a thousand times, it was not me. It was the one armed man. Clearly. You know, I was also a bull rider once. I was the greatest bull rider ever. One time I fell off this bull and it stepped right on my balls.

Speaker: bulls that hurt something awful. I was a prison boy. I became friends with the bestest friend in the world. And I tunneled out of that prison with a little bitty pickaxe and a big poster. 300 yards of shit for freedom. Years later, he met me and Matt.

Speaker: You know, I mean, Jeff, you know, you might not believe this Jeff, but. You know, once upon a time I was the greatest undercover officer of all time FBI man. Yeah, we busted everybody. It didn't matter. Well, we we we made a bust one time and. You know this crime Lord he this he wasn't happy. This kingpin he was not happy.

Speaker: And I thought everything was calm, cool, collected. My father went to retirement party for me. He and my family, me and my family were on this beach. We went to the cafe, everything. Dad and I, your dad and I were hanging out in the bungalow. And dad said, you know what, son? I want to give you my pair of 1911s, because you've earned these. And while we were talking, all hell broke loose on this island.

Speaker: My entire family was murdered in front of me. And they let me, they let me for dead. Well, thank God for this Jamaican man. Cause he found me and he saved me. Patient, whatever. Same thing. Don't tell my story. Don't you tell my story. I came back back for, you know,

Speaker: I came back. You may not know this but I was the FBI. You were the FBI. They sent me. They now I was in the FBI. Oh. They sent me undercover with these surfers. These surfers were robbing banks. Oh, were you recording that? They can pay for the endless lower. Yeah, I was also a quarterback in Ohio State. Wow. Yeah, go Bucks.

Speaker: Well, speaking of Iowa State quarterbacks, you might know this about, you might not know this about me. Once upon a time, I, yeah, believe it or not, I don't like the Buckeyes, but I was a quarterback for Iowa State. Yeah. I made it into the pros and you know, one thing led to another and, uh, you know, fortunately there was a strike and they started hiring scrubs. Oh, they hired me as the quarterback of this team. We had this kicker.

Speaker: He was awesome. Yeah, he's both on the field, right? And the actual players for this team, this professional team, the quarterback didn't like me because I was clearly way better than him and all his fucking linemen decided to fuck with my car. Well,

Speaker: Well, my linemen showed up. My linemen were tougher than his linemen. So I'm the land. It's cool that we showed up in common. We both work great Ohio State quarterbacks. You know, here's what's crazy. I found out I had a twin brother, but he looked nothing like me. They're on the other side of the world. They have way taller than me. Way taller. Way better looking. You know, and at another time,

Speaker: I was a cyclist and I wanted to prove that a man can have a date. So I inject. I was that man who got pregnant. Yeah. I got you pregnant that one time. Yeah. How did we know each time? I didn't even know that we knew each other like that. It was unaware. I'll tell you what, man. I found this wooden mask.

Speaker: all day, all day. One time I was an undercover cop and in Detroit and my partner, you know, my partner got killed or, you know, whatever. I don't know, really don't know what happened, but I had to go to California, right? I didn't go all the way to California. I had to track the killer all the way to California. Beverly Hills. While I was there, I didn't know that I was going to be

Speaker: like three, three of three of my best friends, like three people who are going to become my best friend. I fucked with two of the guys. I put bananas in their tailpipe tailpipe. I met this really cool guy. I don't know if he was from France or Austria.

Speaker: I don't know where he was from. I don't know where he was from. He made a hell of a **** latte with a little. He made a hell of a latte and and and and I told him to get the **** out. He said, no, you get the **** out. You get the **** out of here. You know, I in LA one time, I was undercover cop and they gave me a

Speaker: Look at this beautiful class. They blew it up. I met this guy. Family, family. Fucking weird guy. You know, one time I was playing a board game with my friend. I got sucked into the board game. Bro, that is crazy because one time I was playing a video game with my friends. And they got sucked into the video game. That's crazy, right? That's crazy.

Speaker: One of the one time I was a modern technician, I was a bomb technician chasing down a mentor who was also a bomb tech that was setting off bombs all over Boston. Unbelievable. One time when I was a cop, um, you know, I was kind of a loose cannon. My wife got murdered and, you know, I contemplated suicide several times and, um,

Speaker: You know, I got partnered up with this older, older, older gentleman that was on the verge of retirement. And, um, you know, I had to fight, I had to fight the bad guy in his front yard on Christmas.

Speaker: He kept screaming some shit like, I don't buy jam. That's not my jam. I buy honey and I kiss it on the lips. I don't know what his deal was, but I could have killed him. You know, but I didn't. I once dated a girl in high school. She came to reach heart of a witch's coven. How does she change her hair? Everything she did came back to her tenfold. So it didn't work out well for her. I once met an angel.

Speaker: I must have been an angel. Was he in the outfield? No, he was actually helping a little old lady out. I was a news reporter at the time. His name was Michael. Nice guy. I had a friend in high school. He aged five times faster than anybody else on the planet. Funny guy. Funny guy. One time I was coming home from work and I almost hit this little old lady at my car.

Speaker: And I was like, what are you doing? You're a crazy little bitch. Get out of the road. And she yelled at me thinner. And then I was like, I like I just lost all this weight. I almost died. It turned out she was some crazy gypsy gypsy lady. And she goes, I had an apartment once had so many cockroaches in it. It was crazy. Back then, my name was Joe, but

Speaker: I had this crazy part with so many cockroaches and the cockroaches actually helped me get the girl. Nice. Back in the day when I was in California, because I mentioned to you a couple of times, I lived in California. When I was a lot younger, I was a bit of a stoner and I had this straight lace best friend. Well, one day we found this caveman that was frozen.

Speaker: and then we'll throw some and uh you know again the coolest people to you know one time Chris he won't believe this one time i used to chase tornadoes no and he'll give my wife divorce papers no tornado season it was crazy in his other time i used to be really great i used to be have the greatest slap shot in the world but i couldn't escape shit that has been playing golf for a long time

Speaker: because I had saved my grandmother's house. Jeff, you might not believe this, but when I was in high school, I was on the basketball team. Not the best basketball player, you know, hard to believe, but I was a little bit short and I was a lot white. Actually, everybody on my team was a lot white. Hopefully everybody on my team was a lot white. It was different in those times, but one day I discovered I was a werewolf.

Speaker: And, uh, you know, the, the super hot chick in the school, apparently she was in the bestiality because when I was a werewolf, she wanted to bang my head. By the time she was into me, I was in the mic. Yeah. And in my best friend, he had this really cool van. I used to surf on it. You know, one time I met my long lost brother and we, well, we did some bad things.

Speaker: We kidnapped this family. I had to wait out just outside the borders of Mexico. Turns out it's a vampire farm. What?! I had to kill all these vampires to get out of there. It was crazy. We were there from dusk till dawn. It was crazy. You know, this one time, I was dating this girl. I was staying with a foster family. My foster family were two gay dads.

Speaker: And my girlfriend, her dad was a senator. They came up for dinner. My dad's did their best, the fact that they were gay. But everything went to shit. We had to sneak them out back door through our, through our gay nightclub. One time, my fiance took me to meet her parents.

Speaker: And her dad kept asking me if I could milk him because he had nipples. You might not believe this. You might not believe this. I know this is a little crazy. This is an outlandish story, but I was in Vegas a few years back, you know.

Speaker: We don't have to have the exact dates or anything like that. Big group of friends and I, right? Uh, we was in Vegas and we decided we were going to rob a casino. Oh, yeah. I mean, we had everybody that locks the way I can crack any safe and architect, uh, the smooth criminal type guy, everything under the sun. And we totally, we totally robbed that bank. Not only did we do it once, but we actually did it like six more times. Hi baby.

Speaker: You know, this one time I was, I was raised by eight. I used to swing from three to three, but I have to be careful because every once in a while I slam into a three and I met this girl. That's crazy because shortly after I was left at the orphanage as a baby, as I got a little bit older, the orphanage kicked me out.

Speaker: And I and and and they basically just like put me on this plane and they pushed me out over a jungle. Yeah, and my best friend was a bear. And then and then we had to go that we had to go to like this orangutan. Yeah, and some and and some and some snake kept trying to eat me and then there was a I think his name was Sher Khan was wanted to kill me as well.

Speaker: You know one time my my my step -grandfather Took me to the island that you know who he had genetically grown dinosaurs No, no, no, no Jeff drop the picture of the boyfriend. I know trust me. I know I

Speaker: I can only put one picture this time she really doesn't have a type does she?

Speaker: They're not labeled This one time

Speaker: This one time, my friends and I went out to this cabin in the middle of nowhere. And this is crazy, man. This is crazy. This is the most obscure thing you're ever going to hear. My friends and I went out to this cabin out in the middle of nowhere, right? And we found this book. And we was partying. We was drinking and smoking. And I decided to read from the book, right? I didn't think anything was going to happen.

Speaker: Dude, my girlfriend became a fucking demon. I had to chop her head off and put her head in a vice and kill her. All my friends died. And then, again, if things couldn't get any crazier, I was transported back through time to the medieval days. One time, I was part of a neo -nazi group. I killed this guy by making a fight.

Speaker: Oh, that was hard. I was at school and it turns out the entire faculty at school were aliens. I used to sell drugs out of my car, but I used to sell these weird pens. Yeah. That happened in my school. I was the nerd who got the hot chick. Did we go to the same school? One time.

Speaker: We were at a street fair when I was in high school. And the goddamn Russians invaded America, dude. So. My friends and I made a bet on who could lose their, on them we would lose our virginity by the end of the senior year. And I ended up sleeping with a band geek.

Speaker: You know, like I said, my, you know, my friends and I, when I was in high school, we were at a street fair and the Russians invaded America, bro. Oh, that's crazy. It was up to me. It was up to me to put a, to put a group together in our small town to save.

Speaker: Yeah, we call ourselves clearly, obviously after the Michigan University of Michigan football team or university, we call ourselves. You know, one time my buddy and I, we started a game, we created a game because we were, we were great at shooting hoops, but that was about the extent of our athletic ability.

Speaker: We created a game that took the nation by storm Baseball we call it face people. That's genius. That is ingenious. I like that You know I've always been an underdog most of my life man and You know not too long ago a couple years back a year or two back or so. I joined a dodgeball league and

Speaker: And, uh, you know, unfortunately the leak was full and, uh, you know, I had a bunch of misfits on my team and, you know, we had a coach who was as crazy as Vietnam and he threw a wrenches at us. He said, he'd scream at us and he'd go, you can dodge a ranch. You can dodge anything. You know, one time I was a prison guard and I used to guard. Yeah. We had this big man who came in.

Speaker: You were an asshole prison guard weren't you? You know one time I made a bet with my friend in high school. I could turn any chick into prom queen. I ended up falling in love with that girl.

Speaker: you know, you know, one time in high school, I got Saturday school, right? And you know, I showed up for Saturday school and it was, we had the nerd in there and there, there was the, the slutty girl and the outcast girl and and this jock dude, you know, I was kind of the loner and the outcast, whatever, you know, it is what it is.

Speaker: And the goddamn principal told me, if I mess with the bull, I was going to get the bull. I was going to high school and it turns out there was a news reporter pretending to be a high school student. I'm pretty sure she fucked one of my teachers. One time when I was in high school, there was a serial killer that was killing all my friends. And, uh, my best friend, her, her brother was a sheriff's deputy.

Speaker: And then this goddamn news reporter came in because my mom was murdered two years prior. And, uh, this news reporter showed up and I had to punch her lights out, you know, and, and then, you know, once we realized that it was my boyfriend and his goofy ass friends that were doing all the killing because his dad fucked my whore mom.

Speaker: You know, I thought it was fine, but then a couple years later I'm in college and the same shit happened and a couple years after that I'm growing up and the same shit happened You know, I went to high school and there was this beautiful girl Her dad would let her date Dad would let her date when I first met her but her dad gave up a new role and if her older sister was kind of a bitch

Speaker: She dated then then the younger sister, the one I like to date. So I paid a guy to pay to convince another guy. And they fell in love. You know, one time. That man camera. One time I I may or may not have been. A little bit of a petty thief.

Speaker: I might have stolen a few things, whatever. It is what it is. But I met this extraordinary, I was running from the, we'll just call them the King's Guard, the Queen's Guards, whatever. And I met this beautiful, beautiful girl who lived in a tower all alone.

Speaker: had the longest, prettiest blonde hair you'd ever seen. And she let it down outside of the tower so I could climb up it. And then she smashed me in the head with a frying pan. But at the end of the day, it was meant to be, and we fell in love. And, you know, the horse and the horse and him and I became best friends.

Speaker: back in the 1940s, I was a treasure hunter. Have you not? No, I'm trying to find her. Back in the 1940s, I was a treasure hunter. Like you said, what the hell are you talking about? I was a hunter and we we accidentally set loose a mummy. It could have destroyed the world one for me. I used to be a treasure hunter too, actually.

Speaker: I had this little Asian psychic guy and my estranged dad showed up and uh you know we had to fight the Germans and and and and and various other and there was this one time I found this treasure and I I didn't swap it out fast enough and this shy and bolder changed me out of the pyramid that I was in. Same. So one time in college

Speaker: My buddy's nice. My buddy ended up having sex with this girl. But he wasn't broken up with his girlfriend yet. So we took a road trip across the country to intercept the tape. The stemmer has not craziness in Zoom. How do you get to know? Actually road trip. One time.

Speaker: One time I was kind of hard up on cash and I needed a job and I took this job at a museum. It was third shift. I didn't realize that, you know, at night after the museum closed that all the exhibits came to life. I think to me - No, this one time I was a fisherman on a fishing boat and go out in the sea. All of a sudden three storms collided at once and we all died.

Speaker: Sorry you died One time my school integrated I Was a football team You weren't cheerleader don't lie. No, my best friend became the guy hated My best friend left side strong side. Yeah

Speaker: One time when I was in high school, uh, there was this fucking retard that used to push a card outside of the, you know, one time I escaped with my three buddies, we were on the chain gang. We actually played a song on the radio that became super sweet. What was that song? How'd that song go?

Speaker: I am a man. You know, I like that. I gotta see if I can find that song. That's a good song right there. You know, one time, I was, I was in a, I was on a school trip once. You don't have a time in Paris and I had this weird vision that the plane was going to explode. So I got it.

Speaker: Kind of freaked out a little bit, got kicked off the plane, and as soon as we got caught off the plane, the fucking plane exploded. It's crazy. Spent the next like three weeks dodging death. Let's see if you get this one. We've been on a roll. You can get this one. One time I found out that I had an identical twin brother. Really? Yeah. You know, I was on the straight and narrow.

Speaker: But we come from a family of gangsters, so to say, and he was running the family business. And I was a soldier, I was a hero, decorated hero. And he was a little loosey goosey with the laws. And one night I seen him in his bar. And when I seen him there, I decided if me and my girl were going to leave. But then he insulted my girl.

Speaker: So I had to rock his shit. And everybody was surprised because I'm not that type. I'm just saying. We don't know that. The one time I used I used to hang out with my buddy, I got fired on my day off hanging out. So you get fired on your day off. He made fun of me. That's it all day. Yeah, back in the day.

Speaker: Uh, my two brothers and I, uh, you know, alcohol isn't always been legal, you know, I had two brothers, I had an older brother and a younger brother. And, uh, you know, I kinda, kinda ran things and did things. And, uh, you know, we, we, we were, uh, you know, during prohibition and stuff like that, uh, we were, uh, we were, uh, making the shine, making that good, good, you know what I mean? Running it back and forth.

Speaker: uh younger brother was coming up in the game he really didn't know what was going on he was learning as he goes man we my older brother man he was a loose cannon everything was cool but this goddamn sheriff had a hard on for us i mean i i mean i even got my neck slashed and you thought i was dead i didn't die though you know this one time this one time

Speaker: need to replace their lead singer. And apparently, I sounded just like their lead singer. And I got real heavy into the scene. I became a rock star. How'd that rock star life change you? It'd be pretty good. I mean, I dated Jennifer Aniston.

Speaker: Oh, it's nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. You know, I used to be a porn star. Really? Man, I had a big hog. You know, it was not a prosthetic. Wow, man. We bookie nights every weekend. Bookie night. You know, one time, I was in this terrible car crash. I always wanted to be a cop. I was in this terrible car crash. This doctor found me.

Speaker: pulled me back together. Great. That's crazy. Speaking of being a cop, there was this one time when I was a cop. This is gonna be fun. Yeah, in Detroit. And, you know, I went on a bus one night and I wind up... We've lived full lives. I wind up getting all shot to hell and I got deaded up, man. I got deaded up. But,

Speaker: You know, there was a new company and they were looking for a cybernetics, robo type cop plan. And they brought me back to life, man. I was, I was like, uh, basically a robot, you know, and I wouldn't, they call me RoboCop. Well, you know, something similar happened to me when I was in the military. I was in Vietnam and my Sarge cut the ears off people, warm as a necklace. Oh, that's weird.

Speaker: and then I died and they brought me back and they I don't know why but they said I was universal. I was a soldier. All I know is I was a soldier. We were both in Vietnam. Yeah, there would be one. You came back and I got shot in my ass. I was a doctor but I didn't see that. I got blocked by two people.

Speaker: Why the hell did he block you? My guess is because of Facebook memories. Isn't that nice? Yeah. Who's watching? I'll tell you. It's one of my ex co -workers from Crossroads.

Speaker: You cannot take movie buffs to do this with. I mean, you know, one time I wrote a story in school. I was in grade school and it turns out this big producer found my story and he lied and said it was his. I turned it. I turned his skin blue at one point. He used to like that song hungry like the wolf.

Speaker: I was a detective early on in my, early on in my career, but, uh, I can still pass as a high school student. And, uh, you know, uh, we went, you know, we went back to high school and then we went, uh, went back to college and my partner fucked the captain's daughter. I was in college. I was, I was an amazing drummer.

Speaker: I was such a good drummer. There was a competition and I won it. Did you know, I had cancer, Jeff. Cancer ate up my whole body. Oh, that's terrible. And, uh, you know, I, uh, you know, I, I, I met and fell in love with this prostitute and we were going to get married and, and, and, and, and, and we tried every possible, uh,

Speaker: thing we could to, to get rid of this cancer. And this weird, strange, nerdy looking goofy fuck showed up one night and he told me about this program and dropped his card off. And I joined a program, you know, uh, half hesitantly and, uh, maybe it looked like the love child of, uh, of an avocado and Freddy Krueger. It wasn't a nice relationship.

Speaker: Yeah. But I became a superhero man. I, you know, but my one goal was to, uh, to get revenge on Francis. That was the guy in this program. He was an asshole and to get my girl back. You know, I used to, I grew up in a small town. I used to write greeting cards, found out my, my uncle died, left me billions of dollars. I had to go to New York.

Speaker: They've worked fine. Turns out I owned a football team. Nice. And my uncle was so cool. He had a water fountain that Hawaii had punched him out. He had a bit of a creepy butler. Turns out he was his son as well. So I have a brother too. That's not a bad gig. You know, I used to rap.

Speaker: Oh, okay. The underground scene. What was that? Was that you laughing at Jeff? What? You are. I don't know what I said. Oh. Oh, hey. Um we need to pop through Huntington when we leave tomorrow because it's cashless. So. Oh, a national one? Mm hmm. Nice. So, I need to deposit cash. So, I have it on my

Speaker: They don't have your high school where you can put the cash in and it'll spit out a no fee Visa card. Oh, but there's no sense in doing that. Um, so, so Jeff used to be on the, the rap scene under underground. Yeah. Underground racking rap battles, the whole nine yards. They called me fun. I don't know why. Oh, would you, would you, would you, would you like to, uh, no, I gave it up.

Speaker: I gave it up when I went to a, I moved to a high school and I was, I was kind of a nerdy guy at that point. So I went to prison on purpose. I mean, I mean, I mean a gangster underground rapper doesn't sound like a nerdy guy. Well, you know, you are from gangster rappers and nerdy.

Speaker: Yeah, you know But one time found this videotape that showed this weird picture of a well This girl climbed out of my fucking TV Nice in this conversation just so you know, I didn't die but she cried out of my fucking TV and

Speaker: Did she make you squeal like a pig? No, no. You know, I was a scientist. Like I said before, I'm a scientist. And I accidentally saved my friend by stepping in front of an X -ray machine that I created

Speaker: And every time I get angry, you're like a big, you're like a tiny green garden gnome when you get angry. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, I'll tell you what, um, you know, once upon a time I, uh, I was in the oil business. Oh yeah. Yeah. I worked. I, you know, I was in the rigging business and, uh, you know, uh, my boss.

Speaker: She was something else. Golly. Okay, boy. And you know, we was in love and you know, unfortunately, circumstances as it may be, her dad didn't like me a whole lot because you know, I'm I'm a I'm a rigger. I'm an old rig guy and but there was a meteor crashing towards Earth and and we were the only people that could save her.

Speaker: So we had to go to space ain't never been no training, nothing. I don't know nothing about going to space flight, a spaceship or anything like that. But, uh, you know, uh, her dad and I and, and our, our Motley crew, we, we went to space and we destroyed this meteor. But, but the, the craziest thing before we left, before we left, yeah, she came running up and jumped in my arms. I'm in full.

Speaker: Yeah. I went full face suit and, and, and our song was John Denver leaving on a jet plane. And I started singing it to her under my breath. So just so she could hear what our crew heard it and they started singing along with us. Her dad was not impressed. I'm just saying. Yeah. And you couldn't take anything serious. Yeah. I couldn't think he was super sure why we're on this. We had this guy on our crew.

Speaker: that like jumped on a fucking nuke. Just so you can. I did that. Yeah, we keep having all these these in our lives, man. I was a newspaper guy and I made a bet that well, I wrote for a men's magazine. I made a bet with these women that wrote in a women's magazine. I can make any woman fall in love. Little did I know that she had made a bet

Speaker: make any guy. Yeah. She almost lost me in 10 days. I stuck it out. Followed up with her. You know, through all my exploits and everything I've done in life, you know, I've garnered quite the fortune and, you know, I'm obviously a pretty handsome man. Now,

Speaker: Uh, you know, but the one thing I never found was true love. So I used to, uh, I used to get prostitutes from time to time. And, uh, you know, I, I got this prostitute one night with these giant fucking horse teeth. And, uh, yeah, she wasn't used to the, to the finer things in life. And, uh,

Speaker: You know, through fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, we fell in love. I called her a pretty woman. When I was a kid, my stepdad and I, we changed bodies. He became me, I became him. He was a vice versa situation.

Speaker: Yeah, well, vice versa. A little Freaky Friday action. Yeah, well, well, you know, he did look like Judge Reinhold of the same. Oh, it was like, oh, well, yeah, okay. I feel you're like big. Not that big. I feel you. I just hate this girl. I fucking had one that I lost.

Speaker: I didn't date this girl. I didn't date her for a short time. Apparently she was on some mission to kill this guy named Bill. I don't know the story. I had to leave her. She was crazy. Fucking Bill. You know, one time my friends and I decided to rob this place in Italy. In order to get away, you know, our buddy stole all the gold. We had to steal it back from him.

Speaker: We used Mini Coopers. Loaded that shit up like old. Took the fuck off. Did you hear Nikki? What'd you say? She said, God, I love that movie. You know, one time I was in school, Chris, and it was a really rich school. My girlfriend and her best friend were walking down the hallway.

Speaker: standing next to each other, on the cell phone, to each other. They were really clueless. It was weird. Yeah, I knew I'd get it out when I heard. You know, this one time, my dad got sucked back in time, back in the middle of time, medieval times. And me and my buddies, we went back inside to get him.

Speaker: I know. I worked out pretty good. We got him. We got him back. But unfortunately, our friend did die. It was a French English war. They thought he was a spy. The whole thing. I mean, I mean, speaking of medieval times, that was a French Indian war, not really medieval times. I mean, I feel like you got your your your your your time frames fucked up. But speaking of medieval times, I don't know if you know this or not, but I was was a brave knight.

Speaker: Oh yeah. Yeah. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was once a brave night and I got, um, I got both my arms and legs cut off. It was a mere flesh wound. Yeah. Yeah. And I told him, I said, uh, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll bite you. I'll bite you. You know, speaking of medieval times.

Speaker: You know that song, We Will Rock You by Queen, they sang that while I jousted. That's insane. That wasn't actually really nice. I was pretending, but it kind of worked out because they eventually got knighted by the king. What?

Speaker: There's something seriously wrong with it. We've been doing this for like two hours So I was a master in commander of a ship It was on the far side of the world, but we were chasing down this French frigate My doctor friend he got shot. He all he wanted to do is explore from a frame You might not believe the vision area

Speaker: You might not believe this, Jeff, and nobody else might not believe this, based off of my fear of heights and my well -known documented fear of heights, but I used to be a pilot. Oh, really? Yeah, I was a pilot at commercial airlines.

Speaker: And, uh, you know, uh, you know, uh, do them certain, certain, certain circumstances. Yeah. We can't dive into it. But, um, uh, once upon a time, I, I landed my, uh, commercial airline on the Hudson river. Oh, no shit. You know, I was in the Navy. I was in the Navy. I was a pilot of net 14 and I was, I was the first pilot of that era.

Speaker: I can get close to the enemy ship in like 20 years. They sent me to school. It's like, learn how to dog fight them. I was a bit of a maverick, but I was awesome. You might not believe this, but my dad was in that program and he died. Really? My tail gunner, he died. And I got to join that program like 30 years later.

Speaker: Oh yeah, you were the kid that I was going to. Yeah, there you go. You know, one time I owned a barber shop. A bunch of my friends. You know, this one time I met this really beautiful girl and I just brand new navigator.

Speaker: And she had to go out of town and her, her kid's dad couldn't make it. So I decided I'll be the nice guy to drive them across the country. I fucked up that navigator. You know, I was in Europe not too long ago. It was a bit of a gigolo at that time.

Speaker: Oh, nice. Yeah. Well, you know, you know, Jeff, you know, we, we spoke on all my experiences as a, as a, uh, a police officer or, uh, you know, a cop or FBI agent or whatever. It was only right that I became a lawyer. Well, you know, you know, uh, you know, I moved to New York and I become a lawyer.

Speaker: And I got a call from my nephew or my cousin, sorry, my cousin one time he was way down in the south and he was in a little bit of trouble. So my Puerto Rican girl at the time, we drove down there and we defended them.

Speaker: And, uh, you know, I'm not a car guy by no means, but the judge decided to be a little smug Southern prick and, uh, and, and challenged my girlfriend, you know, at the time, little Puerto Rican thing that she was a grease monkey. And, uh, she put him in this place and, and, and we got my cousin off on all the charges. You know, I was a lawyer myself once. I was, I was, I was in what's called the jacket core. It is general.

Speaker: We ordered a code red, which was probably illegal. Yeah. And we busted his ass. You know, before I was a lawyer, I hunted souls that had escaped hell. No, you didn't. Yeah. I carried, I carried a shotgun across. I even went to hell a couple of times. And this devil, the devil himself,

Speaker: That's why I tried to kill myself. The devil himself came down to get me. But the Lord above said, no, no, no, no. He sacrificed himself. You know, in my days as a lawyer in the South, I I once defended a black man whose daughter was was raped and and murdered by by a couple cracker ass pieces of shit.

Speaker: And he murdered them. And I got that black man off in the Deep South on that murder charge. And even after he said, yeah, I did, and I'd do it again. You know, this one time, as you know, I was adopted and no woman took me in and I ended up finding three brothers.

Speaker: We weren't actually related, but we were basically brothers. Yeah, one day somebody killed our our adopted mother. So we went to hell in high water. Venture. All over Detroit, all over. Heard you lost a brother in that store, in that situation. Yeah, I did. Unfortunately, somebody threw a snowball at him. He thought he'd never been as far after they shot him. Yeah, they didn't last long. I don't know if you know this or not, Jeff, but

Speaker: I used to have two best friends, a black guy and a, uh, and a, uh, Hispanic guy. Oh yeah. Yeah. We used to be drag queens. We stumbled upon this, uh, basically almost goes down, you know, almost a ghost town. And, uh, you know, we, uh, we revived it and not only that, but, uh,

Speaker: I know I saved a lady from a relationship full of domestic violence. And, you know, I don't want to brag. I don't want to brag. But I think I made a very pretty lady. Yes, you did. You know, this one time I was, I was kind of an extreme sports nut. And this guy from the government kind of messed up base. He recruited

Speaker: And he can't call me this weird name because I have a tattoo on the back of my neck. And he's portrayed a Russian group of thugs. Just bad guys. I had enough to take them out. They were, they were literally planning on taking over killing out the world with a drug called silent, uh, uh, gas called Silent Night. And yeah, I had to go all the way to Prague. I had a really badass coat. I drove a cool car. It was obvious.

Speaker: When I found out my parents were dead, I decided I would give revenge on the injustice in the world. I donned a cow. I went to Tibet. And I learned from my master, Rasa, how to fight 30 men. I got sent to prison while I was there. And I told them all, I'm not locked in here with you.

Speaker: You're locked in here with me. You just... You just intertwined two movies that have nothing to do with it. Yeah, I did. I did. I understand. I understand. It's all bad. It's all bad.

Speaker: I mean, same universe, same comic book group. I appreciate it. But wow, you really took a twister. You're still my Batman thing, but mine was probably way better because, you know, obviously my parents. You know, one time I was in Texas, I was in Texas reindeer. Oh, are you? And these cheerleaders, they witnessed a murder. I had to go to their house, their fraternity house.

Speaker: five of them. I had to sit in that house and babysit these girls when we found them. It turned out an FBI guy. I was a man of that. Yeah. Well, Jeff, you might not know this. But I'm not from your planet. Really? Oh, my. My that was actually destroyed. And when I was just a

Speaker: It's just a wee little baby. And my parents, they stuck me in a spaceship and blasted me off to earth. I grew up in a small Kansas town, known as Smallville. And fortunately, the parents I had brought me up with morals and respect and taught me that

Speaker: even though I knew that I could be a God, that I should be a hero. And I grew up and I did everything right. And I got a nice job at a newspaper company. And it's funny because I just put glasses on. But when I took my glasses off, I became a hero. And nobody knew. You mentioned that you

Speaker: We're drag queens, friends. I was once a cowboy. I fell in love with another cowboy. That sounds like the most plausible thing that has come out of your mouth. Could you not? Could you not? We couldn't tell the buddy. I mean, you couldn't tell anybody. My buddy almost got it back. Did he completely? Could you not quit him?

Speaker: We were so afraid of this thing taking hold of us. I mean, I don't, I don't know if you know this or not, but, um, a little bit slow mentally, basically retarded. Did you know that I had to fight for custody of my, my kid? Because the, the, the, the, the judicial system said that a retard couldn't take care of kid.

Speaker: You know, my cousin and I and our other cousins and our uncle

Speaker: I used to run moonshot. It is really cool orange car. You're stretching. It's actually a movie. It's actually a movie. You're stretching. You're making a movie but you're stretching. We were we were we were staying moving. That is a movie. 2005.

Speaker: You know, Yeah, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my life. But when I was when I was when I was a young, like my friends and I, we went on an adventure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it was a dead body. Oh, so we read your tracks.

Speaker: and uh you know we almost got ran down by a by a by a train train we was on the bridge uh you know we had to fight off the ogre uh or uh bullies if you will yeah uh but we we eventually made it to that um to that dead body you know i lived in new york for a short time hmm while i lived in new york i was hired

Speaker: You gotta teach other guys how to be cool, how to get girls. There's this one guy, this real big guy. Kinda goofy. He was in love with this heiress. You know, I made him fall in love. You know, I was a virgin for a long time.

Speaker: I think I lost my virginity just after I was 40. My buddies didn't believe me. That's a long time ago. 40 year old. You know, once upon a time, long time ago, man. I was fortunate enough to board this luxurious cruise ship. Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, and I met this beautiful woman. She took off all of her clothes and she told me to paint her like one of her French girls. I didn't know what the fuck she meant because I didn't know any French girls, but I did my best.

Speaker: But anyways, the goddamn cruise liner hit a fucking iceberg. And then this bitch was on a piece of door, more than enough room for the both of us. But she still pushed me in the face and pushed me into the ocean and watched me die. I used to work for this big company. Real big company. And they made me they made me the CFO, chief financial officer.

Speaker: Same date, it turns out they were lying about their profit. I was on the air with money, money cops when the truth came out. So my wife, her name's Jane, we decided to get an even start robbing thing. It was crazy. This one time,

Speaker: My buddy and I, you know, he had a hard upbringing, just like myself. And during a certain season of the year to get with women, it's a sweet crash wedding. We come up with these crazy stories. We'd have one week of the ceremony and reception to get with women as we get out. He had this crazy friend that he introduced me to. He used to crash a funeral.

Speaker: He was great. He kept yelling at us all about legal. You know, we've talked tonight about my extensive career in law enforcement and as a lawyer, when I was still a lawyer, I was a defense attorney. Okay.

Speaker: I was all about my work. I was all about my job, you know, and I, and I had my, you know, I had my kid and oh, son of a bitch made a wish one time that, uh, I couldn't tell a lot. Oh, yeah. It was, it was like, I mean, I could not tell a lie at all to the point where I could look at a pin and see it was one color and try to tell myself that it was a different color.

Speaker: And while I'm in the middle of a trial, I beat my own ass in the bathroom. Yeah. Not only that, but there was also a time before I became a lawyer that, um, my, my best friend who was a lawyer at the time, you know, he had a little, uh,

Speaker: a little uh a little good time down down in Cancun with uh with a with a young lady and uh you know, I was in a weird place in my life and this **** kid showed up at my door.

Speaker: You know, we, you know, I was breaking up with my girlfriend. She had just dumped me for this older dude and he had old balls. Um, you know, but, uh, you know, I, you know, me and this kid, we, we, we, we formed a connection, man. And, uh, I love that little bastard. He called himself Frankenstein and, uh, fucking scuba Steve, you son of a bitch. Then I wiped his own ass, bro. But he wiped his own ass. Yeah. He definitely wiped his own ass.

Speaker: He made that very clear. In my younger days, that sent off to England, this old man's house. Me and three other kids, another guy, two girls. He had this wardrobe. He went inside. Cracked Narnia. Yeah. Let's go to Narnia. Cracked Narnia.

Speaker: This one time, I was kind of frustrated with my life. I ended up going to a bed bath and beyond. Getting a new remote. I had so many remotes. I wanted to hear a reversal remote. Crazy guy. He gave me a remote that can control the world around me. I can slow things down, pause things.

Speaker: Didn't work out too well for me, but it eventually worked out at the end One time I met this gentleman and He tried to tell me the truth and he he said I'm about to fuck this up and get over you fucking loser. I met this gentleman. He said if you choose the res pill I

Speaker: It's the truth. I already did it. I already did it. Did you? I did it when you were I did it when you were going to the bathroom. Oh, technically. Don't call me out because I just let you do the ones that I've already done. I mean, my story is, you know, one time I was out in Mississippi and this crazy girl, she's all crazy about sex.

Speaker: My boyfriend had just gone off to the military. I chained her to my radiator. My little buddy came in looking for me. She ripped her shirt off. I had sex with it. It was crazy. Crazy. I never really paid attention. I was a cop. I was a cop down in Miami.

Speaker: and I had a partner, you know, obviously, I mean, I'm flashy, good looking guy, you know, I had a partner who had a wife and everything else and the kids and all that jazz and you know, I may or may not have been banging his sister, but

Speaker: He he was going through the emotions and he couldn't get it up a little ed I mean it happens as we get older, you know, sometimes you can't get hard but we were chasing after this this dealer from Mexico and and we was in a morgue one time and I

Speaker: Yeah, he got dead body stuff all over him and drank some drink. Some somebody probably should have drank. But even the day basically, you know, said said Mexican drug dealer cartel guy kidnapped his sister. We had to go to Mexico with our we thought we had to do it all alone. And we was having the meeting and he was a little distraught. And I let him know, hey,

Speaker: the bad boys from life. We ride together. We die together. We didn't realize that we don't get the whole **** FBI and our **** SWAT division that was going to roll with us because those were our people. but when he when he got a little certain powdery substance in his system and we was at the captain's house trying to get a warrant. Yep. You know, I'm not a big guy. I'm a small guy.

Speaker: not very athletic but I got heart and all I wanted to do. Play football. Nobody ever wants to play football Notre Dame. Hey, I was a bartender in Philadelphia one. Oh, did you? Did you really? She said such a face out all hell Rudy. That's right. You know, I was a bartender in Philadelphia.

Speaker: I was the only one that made the scene. I was a bartender once upon a time. But we were all about flash and show. I mixed up movies. My bad.

Speaker: I was a bouncer and these chicks used to dance on the bars for water on people in New York. You know, you know, one time I was being a bouncer. I used to be a bouncer. And I was called into the small Poe Dunk ass club. It was a real rough place, man.

Speaker: like, um, they had a, they had a house. They had a house band that was, that was amazing. Yeah. But they had to put them behind the cage because the crowd was so rowdy and, uh, you know, the rich family and they were just thought they ran everything. And I had to come in and I'd tell the guys, you know what? I told them to be nice.

Speaker: Totally be nice. And one guy asked me, what did they call my mom a whore? I said, is she? What did they call me a cocksucker? Are you?

Speaker: And and and and and my mental work was this my mentor was this cool laid -back smooth talking moustache man like I would that man wanted to have sex with me. I'd have sex with him in a heartbeat. I was kind of a bully in school and as I got older, I I was kind of sports guy.

Speaker: and all that stuff and I I became friends with the guy that worked at a Video store and another guy delivered papers We decided to play all the little league teams in our town The three of us gets the whole all the little league teams and the winners at a stadium Jeff what would I tell you? Jeff what would I tell you?

Speaker: Alright, what would you do if I told you that? I was I was murdered and a mugging gone wrong in the subway. Oh, that's terrible. Alright. Well, it was a good thing that I got to come back because I had unfinished business. And you know, my my girl at the time, she was she was a pottery and you know, fortunately, I met this medium who

Speaker: Everybody thought she was a fraud, but she really wasn't. And in my afterlife as a ghost, I learned that I could move objects and affect my surroundings. And I had to protect my, you know, my girl because the guy who murdered me was, it was all a setup.

Speaker: She wasn't interested in him, but he was definitely interested in her. You know, one time my buddies and I couldn't get into college. That's a shame. We decided to start our own college. I already did it. Did you? Yes, I did it at the very beginning. Well, in my mid 30s, my father had built a lake house.

Speaker: And a couple of years after I'd lived there, a woman moved in to said lake house. We were able to communicate through a weird mailbox. We ended up falling in love. And that same woman, I was on top of this time, that same woman, she was on a bus, had a bomb on it. I had to climb on that bus to help bring them all to safety.

Speaker: And this one time I realized I could change my past by reading my old diary. Every time I did it, something went wrong. You know, every time that old saying butterfly effect change things, change it again. Change it again, man. There was another time I was a scientist.

Speaker: We're working on a serum. I'm going to turn you invisible. I used it on myself. A lot of crazy things happens when you can't see look when you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror. You know. Yeah, we have mentioned a couple of times tonight that I used to be a police officer detective. Well, when I was a kid. So the story says.

Speaker: My, uh, my father was a, was a fire firefighter. Okay. And, uh, you know, he went into a burning building one time and unfortunately that was the last time he'd ever in our building. Now, as I got older and I grew up and, and, uh, you know, I became a police officer, a detective, you know,

Speaker: Mom still lived in the same house and had all the dead stuff. And one of the things that she had was dad's old CB radio. And, uh, you know, one night I found the right frequency by accident and, uh, comes to find out. I was talking to my dad in the past and we tried to change history. Well, when we tried to change history, unfortunately mom almost became

Speaker: A victim of a serial killer. History changed, much like your butterfly effect thing. With Pops and I finding the right frequency, we fixed history, we changed history, and we had to fix it all over again. He wasn't too... You know, you mentioned you were a cop. I was a cop too. I was a cop in London.

Speaker: I was even assaulted by a guy dressed in Santa Claus. He stabbed me in my hand. They transferred me out into the country. Out into the country. Rule of rule. Now. And I could never switch it off. I was always on. My buddy, he taught me how to relax. Show me some movies. But there was this serial killer. Turns out,

Speaker: That's crazy, that's crazy, you know Little outlandish but it's true. I Look through the zombie apocalypse You know, unfortunately at the end of the day my best friend turned into a zombie and

Speaker: Uh, but I was able to get, get my girl back. And, um, you know, we lived happily ever after and, and, and my best friend, he was still a zombie, but I got to keep him in the shed in the back. And we still have to hang out and, uh, play video games. What did I ever tell you? You've never seen showing it. Okay. I got a first and foremost, I've got to introduce you to hot fuzz and some of the dead.

Speaker: Simon Pei and Nick Frost are the duo that you will ever see from England. You know, I met God once. At the time, I was in news before. And God came to me. He gave me all his powers. God gave you all his powers. All his powers. I don't believe in God.

Speaker: Well, you know, he was I first I didn't believe it either, you know Because you know some guy comes up to you. He says I forgot But you know he did he did this thing. Yeah before my hand beyond the back I said to God how many fingers I have one hand he said seven Pulled up. I'm seven figures on my hand at that time unacceptable I got a cool car out of it

Speaker: When I, when I got out of the police force, you know, I decided to put my skills to better use move to Santa Barbara and I became a psychic detective. Well, my best friend.

Speaker: You know, I was a firefighter once and uh, my buddy, we had a scare. We both almost died and he did save my life. I was a bit of a ladies man. He had a couple of kids and his wife had passed recently.

Speaker: So in order to play a hand to get insurance, we got married. We talk about my extensive career as a police officer, lawyer, this and the other thing throughout my career and being a police officer and a detective and everything like that. I was also a state trooper. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker: and uh you know my buddies my buddies and I used to like to play fun games like uh you know just checking out the bulletproof vest you know we make a we make a traffic stop it would see if you could get you know if you could say meow ten times uh you know but we had this asshole that worked for us that um

Speaker: that would go to a restaurant and I order a liter of cola. Our our chief was amazing outside of the fact that he didn't like the word shenanigans. You know, I was a cop in New York City. But I was a general driver. Why are you mad? I can't find myself. Good driver. Shit. Do you look at the dressers? Do you look at my dresser?

Speaker: When I put my clothes away Did you look at that dresser no look in it I Have one dresser spot with the gym I don't know New York City These supermodels robbing banks

Speaker: And I was a terrible driver, so I convinced a cab lady to get me to ride around the cab and get a really cool car. Transform. You really just did it again. You really just did it again. You went from your movie to Dallas. Yeah, you went from the Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah movies to Transformers.

Speaker: No, because the car transformed it. It got pimped. Well, same difference. Transformed a couple of switches. Oh, yeah. Well, speaking of transformers, uh, what's part of the time I bought this old Camaro. Uh, you know, my buddy and I got a bit of trouble. We used to work for this energy.

Speaker: I drove around this F one F 350. It looked like a guitar. I don't know what it was, but, uh, I got into some bit of trouble. We ended up because you said four to three 50, but we had to, uh, become role models for these kids stuff over there on the wall. They caught up. We'll just buy a new one.

Speaker: So I used to work as a computer tech. One day this woman said, my father was a assassin and I could curve bullets. Morgan Freeman was our boss. But I had this weird thing that I kept saying sorry as I killed people.

Speaker: When I was a young teenager, you know, I, you know, my adopted parents, as I said, I was in an orphanage and I got adopted. I had a foster family.

Speaker: They weren't the best people ever and you know, my best friend and I we used to just do what you know teenagers do and then one day this goddamn robot from the future showed up and He said he was there to protect me. I mean, I really didn't know anything like I didn't know what his deal was But there was this other robot like this other robot from the future show that was trying to kill me

Speaker: I think I heard about that story was he made a liquid metal or something weird. It was like liquid metal. And, uh, you know, it was really weird because I got to teach, I got to teach the first world by how to kind of be somewhat human. Uh, I used to be friends with a guy, huge pothead. One day we decided we really wanted white. No, on that day we met Neil Patrick Harris.

Speaker: and watched him die. It's crazy. At a whorehouse. When I was a senior in high school, we had a ritual at my high school where the seniors would track down and hunt down the freshmen and paddle them. And there was this one weird dude who graduated like

Speaker: goddamn 10 years after we did, who still hung out around all the high school kids. And they used to tell everything. The best thing about high school girls was I get older and they stay the same. And now that same fucking weird pedophile dude is selling Lincoln's. Yeah, he is. Yeah. Fucking weird. I was a major actor in Hollywood. Huh?

Speaker: Yeah, I was such a method actor. I once had my skin turned black so I could actually do this war movie. Were you a guy who's playing a guy who's playing a guy who's playing another guy? Nice.

Speaker: All right, Jesus Christ. That's the win. That's the win. We've been doing this for like two hours. If we were not, I started, I put movies and the day they came out or the year they came out to get these references.

Speaker: And I started in 1996. I'm up to 2008. I've literally been doing this all off the top of my head. This is, ladies and gentlemen, this is the greatness about me. Not so much other people. I was mainly looking like I could probably gone toe to toe off top of my head. However, I wanted some really good reference and the tropics under.

Speaker: I mean, that was the way. I mean, I mean, the fact that you had to pull up a Google reference speech volumes that there is no way in hell that you could go toe to toe with me because everything I've ever seen, every reference I've made has come off of the top of my head. You know, I don't have I don't have anything pulled up on my phone right now. I don't even know what the hell I have on my phone right now.

Speaker: Fucking monopoly go on my phone right now, but I think we did pretty good. I think I mean, yeah, I think we did pretty good. I mean even with you

Speaker: There was a couple of weak butchers. So you butchered. I thought I did that Batman one. I tried to tie in the entire series of fucking. Batman with the Watchman. The only thing you did. Wait, wait, wait, how did I tie in Watchman? Rorschach in the watch of Rorschach.

Speaker: in the watchman when Rorschach is in prison he he he's he's in line at okay yeah I get it yeah I know what you're saying the reference I was making was when when Bruce Wayne's in that prison in Cambodia they they drag him away and they're saying I don't he's like I don't need protection they're like we're not protecting them from

Speaker: you from that will protect them from you. Yeah. No, but, but in, in Watchmen, Rorschach says as he's standing in the lunch line while he's doing the narrative. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe, maybe he says that out loud. I can't remember.

Speaker: But he says, you think I'm locked in here with you, but you are locked in here with me. And then he fucking destroys that dude. Well, it was a little like he already made a swing. No, no, no, no, no, it was it was before. Was it? You know, the only thing I fucked up and I was I because I can never remember the red pill and blue pill. But again, off the top of my head,

Speaker: Not looking at a Google search. Well, literally, I mean, the only reason I did it because I wanted to get some good was in here, the barbershop one I barely touch. It's just proof. Well, you had to throw barbershop in there multiple times. It's just proves that you can't movie wife's. You can't dance with me. In the words. Of the second greatest Joker of all time. I've ever danced with a devil on a pal moonlight.

Speaker: Second to Mark Hamill. Third being Jared Leto. Fourth being anybody else who had ever played Joker. And last but not least, fucking Heath Ledger. I'm sorry, Joaquin Phoenix as Joker was shit. No, I really actually really enjoyed Joaquin Phoenix as Joker. I enjoyed your story. But but here's the thing.

Speaker: Nobody knows out of all the comic books Marvel DC Whatever you want to read whatever. Nobody knows Joker's real origin story agree Actually, there is a there's nothing out there where there has been multiple

Speaker: uh conspiracy theories there have been multiple this there have been multiple that nobody knows and that is the greatest thing dc has ever done as far as on their comic books nobody knows the true origin of the joker that is why he is single -handedly the greatest comic book villain of all time not only that but the greatest comic book character ever created

Speaker: I mean the man literally in, in, in, in, in, in the injustice league comics and video games, the man literally made fucking Superman turn bad. Yeah. Joker of all fucking people made Superman go bad and lose his fucking mind. That's a great.

Speaker: That is why Joker will forever be known as the greatest villain slash greatest comic book character ever created. And Heath Ledger, bottom tier Joker character. You fucking had sex with Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger. Shut up. Hey, I couldn't quit him. They completed each other all right.

Speaker: They were drinking Bud Light banging in their tent I Apologize well, it's partially my fault because I brought up the whole Instagram saga that I'm And then of course we went out of huge Iran

Speaker: enjoy that two hour. This is what I want reviews. We hit most of Patrick's Lazy's movies. We've hit most of Sean Williams Scott's movies. Uh we hit uh we hit. I can't read movies. I could've kept going. That was the thing. I could. I just told you he won. I don't know. **** it. Oh, I could.

Speaker: And thankfully, I only had to work half a day tomorrow. So I'm going to sleep for the three of the four hours I have to work. Because I do have to be architect star. And then I'm going to come home. And man, I wish I had some W for tomorrow. I do. But no, I'll be awake. My first appointment is at 10 .30.

Speaker: I'll be awake. I'll be excited all day tomorrow because I need to go see my spirit animal tomorrow night Jason our motherfucking Dean, baby Looking forward to that, but now Much like boys to men we've come to the end of the road Jeff's on bended knee waiting this come shot I Mean money shot

Speaker: I don't know. Jeff is the man and and and the uh and the circle jerk. He's going to enjoy his cookie. Yeah, I am. I don't know. Oh, you and I both. I haven't slept for two god damn days. I'm beyond ready for bed but uh we appreciate y 'all. So, we appreciate y 'all hanging out. Hopefully, you

Speaker: Like I almost want to cut the last two hours and a half and just make it its own show But I'm too lazy to do that, right? Perfect for patreon right there. I just I just want to shout out the one person who's hung out the entire time on Twitch, right? I'm assuming it's probably I don't know it's which Is what I I thought it might be my son But

Speaker: being that it's on Twitch. Yeah, I don't know, but, uh, I have lots of ideas who it might be enjoy. I mean, and I guess enjoy the content. Oh no, we do appreciate y 'all. So we appreciate y 'all hanging out. We'll see you guys Saturday night with a brand new episode. I'll be recapping the Jason Aldean concert that we're going to tomorrow night.

Speaker: Uh, we're going to dive into the news that we didn't get to tonight because I've got a fuck ton of news stories here. And, uh, Oh, Jeff, I have a list of, uh, the, I think it's the scariest or creepiest urban legends from every state. Oh, nice. Uh, if you want to dive into that Saturday night, but, uh, you know, we'll.

Speaker: We'll kind of figure it out. We'll play it as we go. It'll be Saturday night. We're going to drop the link so anybody wants to drop in and hang out with us. You are more than welcome.

Speaker: Until next time, go ahead and check us out on all the social medias. Hit us with a follow. Hit us with a subscription. And if you'd be so kind, hit us with a share right there. If you're watching the replay of bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense, going to give you all the social medias, everywhere you can find us, everywhere you can listen.

Speaker: Back Saturday night, 7 p .m. is doing what we do best. And just because I like this song. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out. What the hell was this? Who the hell was this band? The Spinning Jenny with their cover of the Rolling Stones painted black is what we're going to wrap the show up with tonight.

Speaker: I see a red door and I want it in it black

Speaker: to the sun

Speaker: I look inside myself to see my heart in black I see my rental rhinest hair

Speaker: I could not

Speaker: Your red door and I want to paint it black No colors anymore, I want them to turn black

Speaker: I wanna say I'm hated

Speaker: Yeah. Dance was up. Ah, later guys. Benji, appreciate you hanging out, brother. We'll see you Saturday night. You might see me on Twitch Friday beforehand. Sacramento truth moment said at Glick.

Speaker: Why are you anti -Semite? What? Okay. Well, Sacramento Truth, I love how you wait until the end of the show to drop some ridiculous comment, but come back Saturday night and bring that same energy. And you know what? I'll bring it up on the show because

Speaker: I'm curious where that comes from, but I know you're a pussy and I know you're a bitch mate and you won't come up on the show. Um, so run on over back to Cantino with all your loser friends, uh, or discord or wherever you guys are. Anywho, we appreciate y 'all. Let's appreciate y 'all hanging out. Jeffrey, we are done. Let him know one time. Who's this?

Speaker: And what that man said, ladies and gentlemen, when he come into grassroots life, you don't have to sell your soul to become the greatest blues musician of all day. I mean, if you don't get that reference, then well, you're clearly a fucking idiot. All you have to simply do is ask yourselves.

Speaker: Wwnd what would that physical nonsense do with that being said be good or be good at it Sacramento truth movement I hope I see you Saturday night, but I know you won't bring your bitch ass back around Would that be a set goodbye motherfuckers Fucking Jeff lacking looking fucking Jeff lacking lacking

Speaker: I hit the button I don't know what happened