Transcript
Speaker: Do you know what it's like when you wanna go cry But you can't let out all the feelings inside So you lay in your bed under blankets and hide Do you let people know that you feel like just finding your pillow? Get stained with the tears that you cried And you're praying nobody comes in and that's why And the redness is already taking your rise And you wish you could hide it but there's no disguise in it Cry, let it all out
Speaker: If I had to be completely honest with myself, I'm tired. um I'm tired. and It's not a physical tired. it's It's a very, you know, it's in the soul. It's like, I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of going through this shit. I'm tired of... tired of everything not working out. And I'm just like, I fucking tried. And it's a... I can't not lie and say, it's not a, it's not like you don't want to live kind of thing. It's more of a, if God were sitting across from me right now.
Speaker: there would be a part of me that would just want to go up to him and say, listen, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not. I can't do this anymore. i'm I'm just, I'm fucking physically and mentally spent and I'm done. And it's a, it's a silent battle too. Um, and it's a, it's a battle we kind of hide from the world and from the people we love and the people we want to love or want to love us because
Speaker: Who wants a broken person? You know, it's like, if they knew, like, if if the people in your life knew how broken we were, like, would they stay? And then that raises the question of like, how do I fix this? Can you fix this? I don't know.
Speaker: I can't hide myself I don't expect you to understand I just hope I can't explain What it's like to be a man It's a lonely room And they don't care about what you know It's not about how you feel But what you provide inside that home
Speaker: bing a man is what you make it You can't always live up to expectations you try to Please everybody while you struggle so you fake it And end up out of balance, compromising situations as a good man do what he should man i give everything he has and do whatever thing He could, man, you might find yourself feeling all alone Inside a house you built that you don't recognize as home And that's what my daddy told me, and I'll tell my son the same Now that I'm older, I relate and I actually feel his pain He never cried, he might've lied, but he did not complain And he said, son, one day you'll have to do the same I'll get a emotional or when I stop and think and I look around
Speaker: Beyond the county lines of my small town, I think about all the men out there who feel like I do now Who are screaming on the inside but won't ever make a plan
Speaker: i don't expect you to understand i just hold i can and explain what it it's like to be human me it's a lonely abundant and they don't care out why did't you know you it's not about how you feel but what did you provide inside that don't give up Keep fighting, as a man our sun is our horizon And our fathers actions play a role, then we end up like em So they can't let us see them hurt, cause we'll embody what they do And start a generational curse, no wonder most women are so depressed All the things that they can't express They go to war, get thrown on the shelf, then go back to war with the mental health Then grab that bottle and ask for help Try to pull themselves out of hell Then fall back down and then realize That they gon' have to do it themselves It's the circle of life as a man you provide They don't know what you're worth Till today that you're dying That's when they start crying Then move on to a man you're confiding
Speaker: we don't expect you to understand we just know we came's pray give uss what it's like to be it lonely mirror and you don't care about what we don' care about it's not about how we feel how and waiting we for a provide like you know inside the
Speaker: that
Speaker: it's not about how we feel we feel like inside that miss i wear
Speaker: What's going on everybody? Happy Monday. Hopefully you guys had a good Monday and everybody had a good weekend out there. and your Monday wasn't too terrible. Love you ah Welcome to men caring for men. You guys know me, I'm Glick. We've also got Jerry Vichy in the building. Hey, yo, Blaze is hanging out with us tonight. We found out that at, uh, Connor, uh, you know, he had dad duties and, uh, you know, he had some, uh, doctor stuff that he, uh, had to take care of today. So he's taken the night off and, uh, thankfully, uh, boys and stepped right up. We called him in off the bench, but, uh, welcome to men care and for men, everybody. Um, if you haven't already gone, check out our social media. We do have that across the board. The yeah nonsensical network shows Monday through Sunday for you.
Speaker: to listen to and watch. We are on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and X. We also have shows, as I said, Monday through Sunday on YouTube and Facebook. You guys can watch us live. You can come hang out and be a part of the chatters box. We always love the engagement. and we always but enjoyed chatting with you guys. And if you missed this live, you can always listen to us anytime, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts at. We are everywhere and I'm finding new places every single day. It's the nonsensical network where you can head on over to bio dot .link slash nonsensical network. That's gonna give you all the links there. You'd be so kind. Give us a follow, give us a listen and give us a share. We greatly appreciate that as always. um We're gonna talk a little bit tonight
Speaker: about loss and and grief. We have a very special guest joining us. I'm very excited to have this this young man join us. Can I say something real quick, Glick? Yeah, go ahead. Because I don't think it's been covered. I know this is Pride Month, and fuck yes. But I also want to bring everybody's attention, considering this is caring for men about men's health. June is also Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. I just want to put that out there. I was. Yeah, you beat me to it. oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry. please and You know, maybe you take over the show blazing. I do want to go ahead and bring to the bring to the stage. Kevin Sperters. Hopefully I said his name right. He is a Emmy winner.
Speaker: Think five time Emmy winner some of you guys might know him from his soap opera days on Days of our lives. I think one life to live. He's also for you whole fans out there. He's also in ah Friday the 13th bar seven And he has a brand new show out um As well, I believe it is on Prime and And, uh, after forever. Yes. And I have that saved in my prime. I haven't started watching it, but enough of that. We're going to go ahead and bring him up because I'm going to talk about him just leaving backstage. Kevin, how are you doing, sir? I'm good. I'm good. Thanks for having me on the show. Um, I'm, um, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm kind of already impressed with what's going on here. I mean, um, we've got, we've got four dudes who are going to talk about caring for men.
Speaker: man to man. I think it's really great. And I was actually really taken by the the opening. um Hey, talking. Talking shit. Yeah, I really I really when I was asked to come on here, I was really kind of impressed with what the whole backdrop of everything was. The by the way, the Emmys. Um, they are currently on display. They come from, there's four of them. Uh, they come from a show called after forever. And that's where I won the Emmys. Um, which is a show about love and loss and new beginnings. And you cannot, um, you cannot get through this life without, um, going through loss. It's just, it's one of those things that we're all going to deal with. And it's, yeah, it's unfortunately inevitable. ah Yeah.
Speaker: And I haven't, i you know, I will be honest. I haven't started watching the show. I haven't saved. I do want to start watching the show, but it's one of those things where I cried enough on this. I don't need to see everybody in my house watch me cry. Okay. We gotta get past that right now. All you guys i get yeah about crying. What is it about crime? We were given tears for an opportunity. i could connect yeah blazing like help like ask i and
Speaker: very glick i've actually had the conversation with my son he's he's ten he'll be eleven next month and we were watching as were nerds ah we were watching the last guardian the guardians of the galaxy movie ever a very emotional movie if you're if you're into that ah into the comic book movies and all that stuff but very emotional movie and there was a couple times that you know I I can he was um He was like, I seen you crying. I said, I seen you crying too. But I told him, I said, okay, we're allowed to cry here though. I just said, you know, there's no wrong with it. In our society, um it's crying is seen as a sign of weakness. Whereas I see it's a sign of being moved. It's a sign of being touched. It's a sign of being hurt.
Speaker: It's a sign of being strong enough to be in touch with your emotions and your feelings. So I'm, I'm a crier. it's It's not just because it helps me with my career and my work, but um I, um you know I I, I watched puppies rolling in this, you know, in the, in the yard with a ah Kodak commercial baby, you know, all that stuff. And it's, it's this stuff that's moving. I just came from St. Louis last night. I'm now a great uncle. my brother i a congratulation thanks thank you My brother has a granddaughter. So I'm now the brother of a grandfather. My dad is a great grandfather, and my mom's a great grandmother. I find it so this this movement of life, and um it's it's it's touching. it's it's It's magic. If you look at it that way, and that's got to be a shift of your perception.
Speaker: so it's It's funny how sometimes of commercial, some of the commercials on TV for like, for like Publix or, or Kroger's or something like that could really like tug on your heartstrings. And they're just doing a commercial for, for, uh, you know, their, their deli department or something. yeah I've discovered as I've gotten older in life, um, when I was younger, I could really hold it back and fight it back. But as I've gotten older, I'm a little bit more. um my Why have you fought it back?
Speaker: that's That's the question. the and And by the way, in that opening and that opening um sequence, the guy who was talking about being broken, I thought it was extraordinary that he said, if God were here, he would say, I feel broken and I i don't want to do this anymore. And I asked those people, because I've had to ask myself the same thing, What is it that's feeling broken? What is it that's feeling unfixable or not right? And that's where, that's where the healing, I mean, that's right there. yeah And we know it, we all know it. We could snap our fingers and I could ask each one of you, you know, what's the thing that makes you the heavy heartedness? What's the thing that makes you the most sad? Right now you all know what it is.
Speaker: what for me is when I see people struggling unnecessarily. not that always That always gets me right here in the and the old ticker. that's That's definitely one thing that with it will make me well up. So absolutely.
Speaker: i I think that's, you know like you said, you know that's that's part of that journey is when you finally, that journey to healing, when you finally realize um and can admit to, you know, being quote unquote broken as I've talked, I don't have the greatest past in the world. Sometimes I find myself as blazing and I've talked, you get those negative thoughts that wheel of negativity turning in your head. And I was brought up with, you're a man, don't show emotions, you'll be fine. And that's why I've said on this show, I wanna take back the phrase man up. I wanna take that negative
Speaker: life that's on it when you when you're told to man up and it's now I want to put a positive spin on it because if you look at the definition of manning up it's to be brave be courageous be do it do what somebody else wouldn't do and I feel like that's what we're doing here we're manning up and we're we're speaking and we're talking about a lot of things that most men won't do and they're still kind of you know hesitant or or afraid to and you know yeah yeah that's I mean it's So I was with my dad this weekend. My dad is 90. He'll be 91 in a couple of months. And he's he was he was the he is the patriarch, but he he was the one who is the provider. He was the one who always had the ability to get up and move and and and do things and and accommodate anybody, whether it was from an act of of ah providing a job or giving money or or taking them and ah
Speaker: you know, taking a drive or whatever, he would be the giver and he is so full of memories. And now his biggest upset, of course, of course, is that his legs are not working the way they used to. And it puts him in a position of inability. yeah um So we have caregivers there, physical caregivers. And what I noticed this weekend, and it just dawned on me was that he doesn't have an emotional caregiver. a person who can be there on a regular basis and say, okay, here's what's happening. You have a situation that you are not happy about. You're upset about it. It makes you angry and frustrated and scared. And what else do you look at when you're 90, 91 years old? You know, what what else is next, right? Yeah. But if one could find a way to take that, I tell my dad, dad, okay, I hear you and I, I understand.
Speaker: How can I help you move out of that thought right now? What is it we can give for you that will change your attitude or change your mind and think towards something else? And my dad doesn't have that game or that muscle built. So it's hard for him to do that. But, you know, I think that's why We need to seek what we want to seek and find what we want to find. Your show is part of that. Your show is giving the opportunity for tough men and men with beards and men who don't wear shoes and all that stuff to express themselves. so
Speaker: Thank you. Not exactly. ah You know, that it gives us that opportunity to be like, well, you know, like conversations with my son, because, you know, Unfortunately, we are kind of that we get to be that new generation or the new generation after me Where we can kind of spin that around and be like, you know, it's alright to be emotional. It's alright to have feelings. It's okay to Be scared be upset, you know feel vulnerable whatever and I talked to my son about that for quite a bit and and and one thing I always tell him I said do you think that you know, I'm any like less ah you know of a man he's like
Speaker: No, I still think you can kick everybody's butt. Yeah. I mean, real men, real men, real tough men eat heat. So just so you know. Have you all experienced great loss in your life? An elder parent or grandparent or a teacher or a sibling? Oh, I've lost a sibling. I've lost lots of friends from the military, not in combat, but a couple suicides after I've had other friends OD. Yes, it's um the longer we live in life. I think we're we're we're going to we're going to experience loss. I think it's just a one of those facts about life. so Yeah, i I have my mom passed away 14 years ago one in April.
Speaker: I lost both of my grandfathers. I was really close to my grandfathers. They were, my dad tried, but he wasn't always the best dad, but my grandfathers were always around for me. So they, I was super tight with them and I lost both of them. And then my cousin. who was more like a sister to me because my mom raised her, she was like an older sister to me. um She unfortunately lost her battle with with addiction and everything like that just ah just a couple of years after my mom did. And her and I had our struggles and butted heads like siblings do. you know um But that was that was a heavy, ah the in a matter of 15 years, i I've lost all four of them.
Speaker: And, uh, very, very hard and it hit very hard and it still, you know, affects me to this day, you know, in some aspects, uh, but, um, and I've lost, you know, some friends from high school, uh, whether they went the military route, I had a very good friend of mine that was killed in action. Uh, I had a friend of mine who defined all odds and everything he went through in high school and became one hell of a man and and was a state trooper here in Ohio. And a random traffic stop got hit by a drunk driver. oh as he was As he was at the car talking to the driver, they sideswiped the car and hit him and you know killed him yeah on impact. um And that that was not that that was tough because I knew what the kid, you know what he went through you know growing up and everything like that. And I knew his family. And and I think i felt more i I felt worse for his sisters than I did.
Speaker: you know my personal feelings on it, yeah you know his family. um ah Unfortunately, it feels like that has been a big part of my life. i Yeah, it's certainly, I mean, I was just going to say, Mr. Gervais, how about you? God, ah you okay he looks like the youngest one here. I think he is tonight, actually. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah but and I have to go be a parent tonight. Yeah, yeah no, I'm sorry. I mean, uh, I, I've, I lost my grandma, you know, when, uh, I was a senior in high school and, uh, had just gotten back from, uh, a wrestling meet I had that night. And my mom called me, which me and my mom at that time, my senior year weren't on the best of terms, but she's like, uh, Hey, you know, ah I don't, I know that, you know, you've already been pitched out by your coach for losing a big meet, you know, and, uh, but just want to let you know that your grandma's dead.
Speaker: And she's like, I don't know how you want, if you want to talk about it, but I just thought I'd tell you. And I'm like, well, you know, great, you know, I'm glad that you were able to actually have the guts to call me, you know, rather than, you know, telling me that she was in the hospital because I would have liked to have gotten to see her. But, um you know, I said, well, thank you, and hung up the phone didn't tell my mother I loved her or anything. And My dad's like, want to talk about it? And I'm like, probably better to start drinking rather than talk about it at that point in my life. But luckily I was able to go, you know, didn't get to say goodbye to my grandma. You know, I wanted to go see her that weekend, but finding out that she had been in the hospital for that week and that she had passed away that night of my wrestling meet was just like,
Speaker: god You know now now I have that you know on top of all the shit that I put in my mind of you know I let my team down and all that shit, and it's just like Stephen stop thinking about that and start thinking about you're never gonna see your grandmother again and That's the part that hit me the most Yeah, Stephen you brought up an interesting point. I like to point out you had mentioned about the using alcohol to get to a loss, you know, I learned in this is something um recently that I also think it's a, it's a stereotype or something like, you know, we've conditionally in in our social conscience has come to this realization or, you know, not now, but I mean, while back that in order for us to get rid of our losses, especially for men, we have to hit, you know, hit the bottle. And I think that's a,
Speaker: That's a trope, I think, that needs to kind of die away because I i did it when I was young because that's that's what I was taught. It's kind of, you know, just something that we're brought up with or it's instilled in us from other men that, you know, it's the manly thing to do. And it's really not. It causes causes more problems than just snowballs and snowballs. And you never get past the loss because the only thing you're going to get past losses Um, uh, time and openness and just letting your, your feelings just happen. So, but, uh, yeah, <unk> sorry you guys know, we've talked about my battle with, with alcoholism, you know, even at a young age, I was 18, 19 and, and, and, you know, yeah I think it was 19, maybe 20 when I lost my grandfather, something like that. And, and I was already dealing with a lot of things. So.
Speaker: I was already drinking, it just pushed me more. I mean, we've talked about my struggle with it and and where where I've been personally and the fact that I think it shocks a lot of people because I still drink. And as I've said the differences before, I didn't have control. I lost all control. Now I you know now i have control. oh there's just go day there's there's this conflation with recovery and sobriety sobriety is just being sober recovery is actually working on what's the the underlying reason of of your
Speaker: ah self-medication i guess you could say and i think i think
Speaker: I don't know. a harm reduction. I think with harm reduction in mind and recovery, I think some people can drink occasionally and in in the right ways and not binge and go over doing it. But yeah it's it's understanding your triggers. It's understanding why why you were drinking for the bad reasons. And I'm not saying just jump back and drinking. That's that's that's something between a therapist and yeah each individual. I noticed a lot of people conflate the whole sobriety and recovery thing. and I just say that because I've recently gone through some therapy and stuff and a lot of this stuff I'm just I'm just learning as well. So anyway, I just want I was gonna actually ask Kevin that question. But I just want to I you know what Connor said with the suicide being a part of his life, you know, he said he's lost seven friends just since high school. I think unfortunately, that's because and we've we've we've done a show on so on on a live in oneself. We have to
Speaker: be careful of the algorithms. Unaliving oneself and in recent years those those numbers and statistics have have have skyrocketed and it's unfortunate and that's just in the states but also worldwide and among men um unfortunately but Brian beat me to it. and probably i think I think men um
Speaker: i i'm not I'm not a scholar on this, so but statistically, there's more suicides with men because there's more ah shame, there's more um fear, there's more anger, there's more sadness, there's more doubt, and there's more, I think it's the fear of actually being able to be honest with where they are, what they're dealing with, and that's Most women talk their feelings out. They have friends. um I'm not saying that women don't do that. But um I have not turned to um alcohol or drugs i when I got depressed. But I was, oh, she's to time in. It's OK. It's OK. There was something else coming through. um But I was going to say about, for me, with loss. um
Speaker: and um And my story, so I grew up at a very early age, knowing I was gay.
Speaker: that I tell you right now, the the feeling of this whole talk is so palpable. It's so heavy. I'm like, um so as a kid, I mean, as a very, very young boy, I didn't know what it was. I didn't know that it was something that our society may or may not accept or look down upon or celebrate in any way. But my sexuality was fine until I heard that it was wrong. Until I, oh, I can't be that. And it's not manly to be gay. And then I knew I was going into
Speaker: the arts and I couldn't be, well, first of all, at school, I had to be a guy. so yeah And, you know, I had to find girlfriends and i did to fit in. So there's this thing that happens to a person who's not fitting in or not being their truth is because then they put this thing on top of themselves. So now I'm I've got something that's being operated on top of my truth um and then going into the industry, going into as an actor. Here I am. wanting to be a leading man and I can't tell anybody I'm gay, don't express or ever admit that you're gay because a leading man is not supposed to be gay, blah, blah, blah. So now I'm going into an audition and I'm putting this thing on top of the thing that I'm supposed to be in front of these people on top of the thing that I truly am. So um this morning I happened to post this thing about, you know, what am I waiting for?
Speaker: And it it hit me so heavily this morning. And I was really kind of shocked because I'm pretty much a doer. I'm pretty much a go -getter and pretty much having having been OK and accepting my truth about who I am and what I've been about for many years now. But it was getting through my family's acceptance. It was getting through my friends' acceptance. It was getting through society's acceptance. And the story, by the way, the story about After Forever is um it came to be Um, it came to be through me running into a ah gentleman named Michael Slade, who saw me at a gym in New York and said, are you Kevin Spears? Cause I used to write for you on days in our lives. I had never met this person. I had never actually talked to him before, but we were chatting and I said, what are you working on now? And I, I told him, because I was very interested in writing something about gay men who are not 30, I'm looking for someone to help create that because I was now on the
Speaker: I was watching how these web series and these these yeah these digital series were coming together. And he said, call me. Like I had hit on a nerve for him that he had wanted to discuss. So After Forever became a story about loss. It became about my character having lost his husband at 15 years and trying to navigate through the grief. What many people don't know is that after season one was such a success, And we started to you know win all these awards. ah By the way, Michael said to me, you know Kevin, everyone's going to know you're gay now. And I said, I think I'm the only one who doesn't know I'm gay. So I started joking about it. But at that point, I think it wasn't about caring what people thought. It was about speaking to the truth, speaking to something that I knew was in my heart, and that was um um personal.
Speaker: And Michael had lost his partner 15 years. So we kind of put these two stories together. And um after we won all these awards, Michael explained to me he had just been diagnosed with cancer. So my collaborator is now fighting cancer for three years and we do season two. And and then right during the pandemic, he loses his battle. So my grief about life imitating art, imitating life. It was so surreal. I've lost many friends to the AIDS epidemic in the 80s and the 90s. I've lost both sets of grandparents. I've lost some major teachers, friends. I've lost a lot of people in the pandemic. But losing Michael was such a hit because it wasn't something I could put a bandaid on and it wasn't something I could just sort of, okay,
Speaker: He's died. He meant well. We created the story. Move on. Grief does not end, folks. Grief does not stop. It's like this little river behind behind your brain that gets triggered now and then. And sometimes it is overwhelming, and it's triggered because something is either not resolved in the communication or the relationship, or something is there to remind you of the beauty in which that relationship was. And partly about losing Michael, the thing that kind of got our story really off and running was, and we this is not this is not something that is uncommon as a tool in storytelling. But I asked Michael when he and he told me his story about, I don't know who's talking, but it's canceling out the stuff over here. so i'm Oh, there you go. Sorry.
Speaker: I have no problem. I just kept making me think. You're good, Kevin. Anyway, so the the other thing about um about Michael's loss was I asked him when he told me his partner had died, does he still talk to him? And he kind of was in shock because he said, yeah, I do all the time. And I said, you know, love doesn't die. When someone dies, the relationship, the emotional content of your story does not end. It goes on. So not only was his partner still very much alive in his life, Michael now is very much alive in my life. I walked down the street. I see something that's happening. go Oh my God, this would have been perfect for one of the scenes. Or this is exactly what happened in Sesame Street. It's something that I think is important to recognize because the grandparents or the teacher or the best friend or the person who's committed suicide, um you can talk to them.
Speaker: And i I can guarantee you when that conversation in your mind comes up, there's something that I think is healing for ourselves as well. So um and so that's my story with loss. And ah yeah the pandemic, of course, really brought me back to my spiritual practices because I think that there's something to be said about we all come from the same place, whether you want to call it God, grace, Johnny, Mac, Mary, science, whatever. it's There is something. We come from stardust. We have the same molecules. Worlds -wide planets, universes. And I think that there's something to be known in that understanding that we're all the same. And that helps me move out of, well, if we're all the same,
Speaker: then when I'm wishing for myself, I'm wishing for my brother, or my sister, or when I'm wishing for you, I'm wishing for myself. Or if I'm wishing for my healing, um if I'm wishing for my healing, then I'm wishing for your healing. Yeah, and suicide is, Brian Elam is saying at one point suicide was selfish, he thought, I don't know what it is. I mean, I think there's something beautiful in the Talmud, when you kill yourself, when someone kills himself, it's like killing thousands of lives in that one little world. And it's selfish because it leaves us, we're we're angry about it, I think. we Our understanding and our reaction to it is, how could they do such a thing? Not even leave a note. um you know And you feel like, yeah, you should have done something, or could you have done something? yeah Exactly, Connor. But that's, that's
Speaker: That's how I move with loss and and grief. i I almost sort of celebrate it on on a a certain level these days where i'm great it makes me so grateful for what I have. And the thing about the, I want to just mention the thing about what am I waiting for? There was so much time in my life, so many times that I waited. I was careful not to to talk about my truth, not to talk about who I am, not be to be afraid. I was afraid of being gay. I was afraid of being ah shot down, so to speak, or or are killed off, or pushed aside and not accepted. It's a huge, huge weight. And um when I finally got to the place of noticing, oh my God, and I think that came up yesterday because I was watching something on the airplane coming back and I thought,
Speaker: there's a part that I would have loved to have done, but I wasn't ready to do it yet. Why wasn't I ready? Because I was still afraid of who I was. Yeah, I couldn't get into that role maybe or I have that person was able to do that role. I had nothing to do with gay. It was just sort of, it made me think about if I could tell my 10 year old self, my 20 year old self, my 30, 40, 50 year old self that it's going to be okay. Think about what you could accomplish. Think about what you could change just by. I was going to ask you and and and not to get into like an interview mode, but I was going to ask you if I don't say ignoring that part, but but hiding it, I guess, in a way, if that created some sort of obstacle within your career. Oh, I think I think it did. Well, it's very true. It's very true on certain levels. It always I think hiding any part of ourselves to ourselves is the obstacle.
Speaker: um Sometimes there's better ways of playing the game. I happen to look at my work and I find that each role I take on is usually some place in my life where I need to heal. Or it's a lesson I need to learn. um Even Friday the 13th. Whatever that case was, I got in there, I got that job because there was something that I needed to work out and get through. The days of our lives. and And how great is this? So Days of Our Lives, I'm hired for a two -day role. This is in 1997. It turns into almost an eight -year contract. I'm brought back because the producers like what I did. And I played ah Dr. Craig Wesley, Chief of Staff of University Hospital. I had a wife and two daughters. Actually, we had one daughter at the time. I didn't know it was my daughter until we had the daughter. And then I had to get ah another daughter to get the bone marrow transplant to make sure that she was healed. Okay, there's the storyline.
Speaker: But, um you know, a life on a scope off. And there I was in 2019 and Michael Slade and I are on stage and we're accepting these awards for After Forever. And I'm sitting there thinking, you know, it's interesting to bring a lot of, this is going through my mind, like minutes. And I'm thinking, there's the producers and the writer down there on Days of Her Lives. They're all down there. and chip they're gonna bring me back on that show. I know they are at some point and they're gonna have my character come out. I just know it. And then I but i ran into the head writer and he congratulated us on the show and I felt it again, that the feeling. And I and remember telling Michael and I wish he was ah i wish he was actually ah alive in this body now because I said, they're gonna bring me back in that show. He goes, they will never do that. That storyline will never happen. And they did. And it was a full circle moment, not just for
Speaker: the character but for me and what it represented and and again not waiting anymore and I got nominated for the Emmy and it went to someone else but the acknowledgement by everyone who saw that and who watched me come to that moment was I think one of the most extraordinary
Speaker: It just was an extraordinary emotional, psychological, and and ah spiritual alignment for me. and i And I hope anybody who's watching me go through these healing moments, who's speaking for, excuse me, speaking on this topic, or any other topic that I'm healing myself through, you're gonna get healing. And that's what I think this program is so good about, because now someone's gonna identify with each one of you, me, maybe, and go, that's me. i can <unk>sh Yeah. Steven was walking today. What was Steven thinking about on his walk today? That's what I want to find out. Believe it or not, the demons. The demons? Can you elaborate? They always seem to be knocking at the door when I'm at my... When I when i know I'm in a good place, they always seem to knock on that door just to say, hey, we're still here, buddy.
Speaker: um How old are you Steven? I'm 31. As a lot of people know on the show, um my real father abandoned me when I was a baby and I always, i I always had a problem with that. And then I was me and my brother, my me and my older brother Keith were abused by my mother, um moved out when I was 17 years old. not knowing what I was going to do with my life. has Let's be, to be fair, still don't. To be fair, I still don't know what I'm doing with my life. that's okay that's okay It's shocking that, one, I'm still here, you know, after
Speaker: You know, there was many times where I got to that fuck it stage as some people get to with mental health and depression and anxiety and just, just that mental toll, you know, and luckily at my last stage. I got a message from the woman that is now my wife. And I always believe that things happen for a reason. And i people are like, well, why do you believe that? And I'm like, they just do. you know And ah I know I haven't told Glick this, but there was a time where I almost got to that stage again. And all of a sudden, someone's like, hey, I'd love to have you on my show. And I'm just like,
Speaker: Why? i He's like, I love watching your podcast and I think you'd be good on the show. Well, turned into a partnership after 10 months of, after being on their show, I'm on this show, I'm in the network and you know, it's just so, and I know Glick's gonna hate me and he's probably gonna say, God, you know, you don't have to say such nice things about me, but ah he just knows how to bring talent into the fold. and you know ah it's I've always been that person that's like and Glick's like you know why did you say yes to being in a part of the men's mental health show knowing what you deal with Steven and what you go through with certain things in your life and I said because you want me to be real yeah I said you know one of the most realist actors that I had ever had watched movies of was Brandon Lee
Speaker: And you know how he had lost his life at such a young age. I i remember telling my wife when I was 28 years old, I'm like, I don't know why, but I feel like I'm going to have a moment like that. Wait, wait, wait. Cancel that right now. Cancel that. Yeah. Cancel that. Because I want to just say something. i When I hear people talk and they speak in a way that is acknowledging something that may or may not be true to them. or yeah There's nothing more powerful than the power of thought and word and action. I think that the thing that we focus upon most is the thing that is our life. That thing we focus upon. I fear that someone's gonna find out I'm I'm gonna find more people and attract more people who are gonna like, oh, he's gay. get you know all that All that bullshit that's in our heads
Speaker: And you said something about your dad abandoning you and you know I don't know who you've been talking to or I don't know who has, I hope you've had a good friend at least, but you that wasn't your fault. I know it's not, it's just - I know, but but if you know it, that's a way to move through that because that was something that he did. And my parents raised me, listen, I didn't have physical abuse. like But I had some psychic abuse because they were not happy with having a gay boy.
Speaker: yeah Unfortunately, you know, you grew up in that that that that that era, that timeframe where, you know, It was bad. It was wrong. you know It was something that they didn't want because it didn't fit their idea. It didn't fit their life. And what they did was the best they knew how to do. Steven, I just want to point out, and I just want to commend you, by the way, for getting through that. You had brought up that that you were you brought up the whole fact that you're not doing anything right now I won. I think you are with this and to dude I'm 47 or about 347 and I'm just now getting back into college in the fall to actually finish my bachelor's I mean time is what you make of it don't be after I mean because
Speaker: Like Kevin pointed out, i mean it's it's we can get down on ourselves about our lives man and it's it's it's no race to the finish line. Well, and I think that's the way, not to cut you off Kevin, but I think that's the thing that gets me through a lot of the days. And when Kevin had talked about you know posting on social media about what what am I waiting for? I mean, i I had worked jobs where it was like, I worked the blue collar stuff. i worked i did I never worked construction, but I worked in factories. I did all that stuff. And the thing that pissed me off the most, and I'm not going to call the person out, but when someone said that, well, Steven needs his wife to support him. And i I was like,
Speaker: I don't need anyone to support me, but the ways and the way my wife supports me is that she's there and she knows that there's sometimes where Steven has to go on that walk to clear his mind, to listen to his music. and fricking Eminem hits it out of the park again with Houdini. And I mean, I've had that song on replay like five times a day and I'm just like, you know, there is times where I just, I want to lash out at those people, but it's just like, they're dealing with something in their life. And it's like, to do that, isn't the best way. And it's their shift. I think that's the most important thing I could ever, ever have learned was that
Speaker: when the rapist raped somebody, and whether it's you or the other person, they would have done it whether you were in line. yeah yeah the the the The person who's lying to you, they would have done it to anybody, whether you're in that queue to be lied to next. You think, listen, I know I'm talking about it right now. There's a certain man who's gonna try and run for president again this year this season. this All he says is that it's a rigged jury. This is fake news. I can't believe that our government has allowed us to move into that. If you think that there's grief, if there's people that are grieving, it's democracy that we're grieving about ourselves. That comes from a reality -based idea on television. You can be a star if you wear the right makeup and the right, you know, if you're a star, if you're this, with that mindset.
Speaker: has already got his brainwashed into the the very thing about, you're that way. You can't be sad. You can't be unhappy. You can't be feeling the feelings you're feeling. I say the person who abused another person, they didn't know what they were doing. They just knew how they were doing it. And they were dealing with their shit. And yeah if one can hopefully shuck that away and start to change their outlook, change their vision, change their their mental um thoughts, you're on ah you're on a better path. And people are gonna talk about whatever they're saying about you and your wife. I wouldn't even want to know what's going on with them because that's the thing that they're pointing outside of themselves. And god I wish I had a husband who could support me right now, financially mentally, lovingly, psychically, but I'm working on supporting myself.
Speaker: And if you have someone there in your place of living, how great that you've got a partnership there. And i mean that partnership is your partnership. I mean, ah Kevin, I'll be the first one to tell you I never thought I would have gotten married. Because I was I was choosing ah spiritually. And I've always looked at life more spiritual than, you know, and like you said, you know, we we live in a world right now where we got a guy that's saying everything's rigged. And we have other idiots on the other spectrum that are like,
Speaker: and That's the way you want to think it, you know, think it. And that's why, you know, not to get into a political debate, but I agree. I agree with what you say, you know, it's, it's always that we're getting screwed. Even if a person getting screwed, isn't really getting screwed. And and as on it um again again, we all come from the same place at one point, both of those people on those sides of the fence yeah arena, we're both babies in their mother's arms. Oh, definitely. And what was the issues that caused them to think a certain way? you know Those are the things that, that's when I go to my meditation and I just say, please, whoever it is, please, I pray that they can center their mind and return to a right mindedness so we can all be healed. That's my prayer. Not that one person gets hit by lightning or, yeah I mean, yeah we get so angry sometimes with people. our Our anger is, and then that rules us. But I think we're now at an age where we know if something comes out of our mouth,
Speaker: and it's that black dark smoke, you know, of something we've said, you can't get it back fast enough. It hurts my heart. It hurts my heart that people are are homeless on the streets and they they don't know what they or how they got there and they're not willing to do so. It just hurts my heart in so many ways. So, yeah. Well, definitely. And, you know, I think with what I, the best thing I did with the whole abuse cycle is that I just I told my mom one day and I don't know why I chose that day I just said I forgive you you're my money like you know you're my mom and she may never ever want to say sorry but I have to get rid of that shit or else that shit's gonna and that's the biggest thing that I learned through therapy is that if you keep holding that shit it's eventually gonna lead to fucking
Speaker: worse problems, not just spiritually, but physically and with your body. It's a, attack yeah it is, it is. I learned that the word forgive comes from, how does it, what can I give for you to be better? What can I give for you to help? I just, when I reverse that, I think about that, you know,
Speaker: Forgiveness man forgiveness. It's also it's it's about the way we're holding If we're if we're if we're holding on to the guilt of someone else. Hi, baby girl. I'm gonna see little girl no Yeah. No, I, I've struggled with that for keeping cat, you know, um that's one of my big things is forgiveness. like You know, uh, I'm not going to forget. I can forgive people for for certain things, but it's, it's been a struggle for me, uh, for years. Uh, you know, I gotta say I've just started this healing process in the last couple of You know, one of the first things I had to learn to do is forgive myself.
Speaker: Um, yeah, that's what that i daily sometimes, you know, but also the thing about if I identify, I learned this with my family so many times, it's so many different reasons. Um, there's things that my mom still says, or my brothers will say, and I will not agree with the way that is being said or something's being done. And I'm holding their guilt about not being the way in which I feel it will serve a situation better. Guess whose problem that is?
Speaker: ah if i if i if i if i If I see their guilt, then i'm i'm I'm seeing my own bullshit. And that's my stuff. And that's why I try and just sort of yeah but's but but let's let's deal with the you know the the big stuff not sweat the small stuff you know I think it's I think it's on a lot a lot of times you know you we hang on to grief for so long uh you know because we're not willing to either forgive or move on from the past I mean you know we also don't know any other way yeah I mean Lord knows Lord knows like
Speaker: these guys that we've talked about a little bit, I struggle with my mom's passing the most out of anybody else. um And I, you know, like you said, it's like a river in the back of your mind. And and sometimes that river over floods, like one of my favorite songs in the world I can't listen to because it was a song that my mom always sang to me, even as an adult, she sang it and it's Lynyrd Skynyrd, Simple Man. yeah And every time I hear that song, man, just, everything comes flooding back. It's like, all right, I got to go for a drive. I'll be back. you know it's it's sorry I was to say, it's it's funny that you brought up music. After my divorce, I got really i i got turned on this group, Amigo the Devil. and It's really dark and macabre and it just very
Speaker: not happy music. And I kind of dwelled in it for a while. Now that I'm in a better spot and in life and in my head, like I'll turn it on. And it's like, I don't really want to listen to this shit anymore. So and it's still good music. It's just my mind somewhere else. And it's like, I don't I don't want to trigger to bring you back to where I was. Yeah. Glictus said something about, you know, um feeling something and then know I got to go for a drive. Like the last place I want to be is driving when I'm not in my centered mind. that That's for me. And and I encourage um as as a way of moving through some of that stuff. Because wouldn't it be great if you could listen to that song and joyously celebrate it, you know? um Maybe next time just find a quiet place and go to the place it takes you. And I will guarantee if for no other reason
Speaker: A, you'll feel lighter. B, your you'll understand a part of yourself differently than you may have ever and just understood it before. You'll also be at your most creative. You'll also be at your most potential because you're not covering the thing that you feel is locking we from outside looking in, is locking you into this place, I feel. um i My brother, This, my younger brother was, we were in his kitchen tonight and the the girls, the two girls, they were playing their favorite Broadway musical songs and they were all screaming, oh my God, we're having a good time. And then this, this one Streisand song came on and my brother goes up and he looked at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was thinking of all the times I would have her albums on and I'd be singing at the top and he grabbed my hand.
Speaker: And he squeezed it so hard and he just sat there and I saw his tears just come down and it moved me so much. And I thought, that's so alive and well in us and how beautiful that he didn't get him to go away. yeah Like my process was important to him. And I got to see that. And I think your mom, whether she's on this earth plane or not, we'll see how important that process is. i'm I'm telling you, these are the things that are kind of mystical and magical. You know, the air is there. It's for everyone to breathe. No one owns it. No one can take it away. You know, we have these feelings and they're free or they're not put them away. Um, but I think, I think, I think our feelings are important and I, you know, oh absolutely. Yeah. For, for, for, I've talked about it out here with the guys.
Speaker: You know, for me on a, I'll find a back country road and go for a drive and turn my music up. That's usually my happy place, my happy that are on the water somewhere, and which is where and nine times out of 10, when I go for a drive, I end up on the water somewhere. But I told the guys one time, I was going through some stuff just a couple of years ago. And I was just in a bad way. And I took a drive, cranked my music up, went for a drive. Two and a half hours later, I had no idea where I was. I found this little little bed and breakfast. It was owned by an older couple. They had like eight rooms in this house. And I was like, well, it's late. Let me go ahead and crash here for the night. And meeting those two was probably one of the best things at that time that I needed in my life.
Speaker: because not only did I get to have dinner with them and chitchat with them and talk to them. And these are complete strangers. Then I spent the next day with them, just had breakfast and lunch and just talked about life and stuff like that. And and and and it was an older, we talked about their kids and their grandkids. And when I left, I felt like a million bucks. All that, all that negative crap that I was going through just was out the window. And it was like, I don't know how I ended up there. whoever, whoever's controlling things in the in the universe and or whatever, they put me in that spot where where I needed to be. But yeah, but for drives, it's always been my happy place. It's the one place where I can kind of turn off all the negativity up here. and and And you're also you're also able to push, you're also able to escape the thing that's familiar. You were talking about that thing about feeling something. um And you know, it's coming on. I find that when
Speaker: I find that when it, sometimes we don't know differently. The grief is familiar to us because that's all we know. The sadness or the anger is all we know because it's like when someone's, what's that, what's that? Someone's kidnapped and then they they find that they purs the kidnappers. them Stockholm, Stockholm. Yeah, that Stockholm syndrome. They don't know any different. A battered wife will stay in a, battered wife relationship because that's all she knows. If I go somewhere else, maybe maybe that's the way he or she feels about me. you know Whatever that is, that's all they know. And I find if I'm in a place that feels comfortable and familiar, sometimes I have to double check and make sure, is this the place I want to be? It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going through a bad place. But if there's something that I know is
Speaker: too comfortable and too easy and, oh yeah, this is a, I can chill a little bit more. I can wait a little bit more. Get up, get up, move. We can get too comfortable at times and it has an opposite effect. Yeah, yeah. So it's, because we don't know differently. the The mind doesn't know that we're joking when we say, oh yeah, yeah, I really, you know, I hate doing this. I hate doing that thing over there and it's a joke to us. but on ah on a second level, that's all the universe of law and cause and effect. that because in fact The law of cause and effect here is, oh, he hates doing that, let's give him more hate of what he's doing. I'll give him what he doesn't like doing. yeah When you say you want something, make sure you are very specific what you want, because you will pull it right in. and yeah But I don't want that. I don't want that. That's why you're here. I'm going to keep giving you more of what you don't want, because that's all I'm hearing.
Speaker: yeah yeah so yeah yeah and You gotta got you gotta to put out there what you want. was you know That was something that I learned, and you know again, in just the last couple of years. It's all right for me to put my foot down. It's hard for me yeah look to look out for me. Boundaries are important with people in your life. yeah otherwise closing this little um you know i you know Unfortunately, I learned that a lot of people you know were We're only around when it convenience them. and it And as long as I had something to offer them and it was like, you know what, I'm not a bad person. If I like, like you said, please put set up boundaries, put my foot down and look out for number one instead of putting everybody else first all the time. And I tell you what, that's been a, that's been a game changer the last couple of years for me. There's a lot more people out there that don't like me, but yeah yeah I don't stress about it anymore. I don't worry about it. I'm like, look,
Speaker: You know, if you can't take you and and in respect my boundaries and I don't really want you in my life. Yeah. Do you like you? Most days. That's, that's the key. That's the game. Yeah. Most days now, now, you know, you could ask me that question three years ago and it would have been a totally different answer. Four years ago, it might've been a totally different answer. Well, you know, change isn't like, like, um, Blaisman was saying, it it's change is not necessarily linear. you know Time and space happens all at the same time. And um when someone dies, I had this experience with my cousin. Her mother passed, and she was my favorite aunt, and we were visiting her grave out here in LA. And um we just lost her too soon, my cousin said. she just she We just didn't have enough time with her. And I heard myself say, but
Speaker: What about the time we did have with her?
Speaker: like like that's what That's the mental caregiver stuff that I'm talking about. What dad, what you were able to do with your legs when they were working. you know Let's talk about that great time. It'll make you feel better. Recall that yeah know that type of thing. So that's the sort of thing that I'm just killing me here. kill Kevin, this is to piggyback off what you just said. It's something, oh, I think I'm frozen. Oh, you're good. OK, yeah. So this was a motto that I grew up, I love you so much, I'll die for you. I'll take a bullet for you. And just like in the last, I don't know, five, six years, I've realized it's not about dying for somebody if you love them that much. It's about living for them.
Speaker: Yeah. Yes. And that way you have that more time. I mean, you're more focused on on having that extra time with them. You know, it's like it's it's it's like you you mentally psych yourself out when you when you when you have those those thoughts. Oh, I love you so much. I'll take a bullet from you or for you. Why do I keep saying from you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Even though it's like going somewhere with this. Right. But no, but I think I think if we focus on, you know, living to love instead of dying to love, I think we'll well we'll have a better life and we'll enjoy more time with those people that we do love. And just what you said, living to love means that the foot you're putting forward, the thoughts you're putting forward, the actions you're taking forward is for a great ah greatness of not only
Speaker: the other person, but yourself, you know, and then dying for love. I'm dying for, I mean, all that, the idea of what that means. So saying what that might actually mean, ah you know, um it's almost a selfish thing. Like, see, I'm, I'm, I'm my deathbed. I'm going to tell you how much I love, you know, um like in in my past, I've had relationships and some of them more recent than others. And One has gone on to have two relationships after the one with me. And all I can offer and say for him and pray for him is that he's finding his highest love. And, you know, I used to always joke about, you know, you you're gonna end up marrying me, you know, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is, I mean, even if he does, it turns around, that may happen. yeah But he is in a space now where he is fully
Speaker: finding the joy and the love that he needs for himself to move forward. And I'm watching him flourish. And that to me is living for love. Yes. yeah yeah Not just from him to his partner, but from me too. Yeah. um And that's, that's a very, that's a very mature thing for me to say 61. It's a different, it's a different way of looking at The chart was all the, this is salt, this is sulfur. what whats What's that periodic? other period here tap yeah It's a different way of looking at the chart, you know? um So that's how I kind of look at it. And I also find that if I if i can connect with the the God in you,
Speaker: salutes to God in me, the God in me salutes to God in you or the, or the math or the science or whatever you can call it the source. Look how it positions us already, you know, and that can be, that can be the person in the elevator. That can be the person in the elevator who needed a hello that day. That can be the person who is just, you know, sitting on the park bench and you needed to hear, Hey, that's a nice shirt you're wearing. Oh, thank you God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to I used to do a thing on TikTok in the mornings and I've gotten away from it. But it was just a simple, just silly, simple good morning. You know, I would say good morning, you beautiful sons of bitches. And I would just simply end it with share a smile. and And I firmly believe that, you know, like I grew up in the country. I grew up in Podunk, Ohio. Everybody waved at everybody. We didn't. Yeah. Somebody or.
Speaker: If we were on our formulas or a horse or something, we rode past somebody, we waved. i necessarily mean we knew who they were, but that was just a gesture that, Hey, how's it going? You never know what somebody's going through that simple wave or that simple smile and you're walking by or, uh, you know, passing each other out of an elevator that, that they might be having the shittiest day in the world. And just because you smile, a simple smile, they're going to turn their day around like that. and know And I'm a firm believer in that, you know, share a smile. I mean, it's, it's free and it's hard. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah and foring I remember I was coming out of of therapy one day and I went to the elevator and i was it was a higher floor and I get in and um there's like three people against the back, they're behind me. And I'm like, I was feeling good that day and that good day. And I hear behind me, oh, just knock it off. Yeah. yeah Now, I will not name the celebrity who it was. But perhaps that celebrity who's no longer alive heard some really bad news that day. yeah And I was such a fan of hers. I still am. But I just remember. And you know, who knew what she was going through? Who knew? But the fact is, okay, I had to respect that. And that's all she knew how to do at that moment. Whatever.
Speaker: Maybe I was singing flat, I doubt it, but. but it's good but here You have had yet to hear me or Glick sing. There's a reason why I'm a podcasting. fire relax i'm a right brother there' a reason why i interview musicians know so i click I think I might have to get up and do the TikTok thing. I may have to start I'm not on the tick of the talk yet. But um i think I think I'm going to try to start incorporating some sort of um greet the day. I don't know. was I was so struck with myself how I said, you know um what am I waiting for? like like that yeah and like I woke up and I was like, who are you waiting for? Wait, what? Did I just ask myself, what what but do I wait for? what
Speaker: and then i had to like go through that. And I had already done my meditation, and it still came back. And I went, wait, okay, so somethings something's up. What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for? Yeah, I see i see that today. And I think it and it it it it kind of hit me personally. Because when I started doing this, it was that moment, that that same moment for me. What are you waiting for? you've This is something you've wanted you your whole, you know, I got bit by the radio bug when I was like 14 or 15. I was like, man, I want to be one of those guys on the radio. And I had the opportunity. Unfortunately, people in my life told me that it was dumb.
Speaker: and There was no money in it that I had a ah brand new baby and I needed to be a man and do the man thing and take care of my family. And I was like, all right, well, I guess I'll stick with this job I'm miserable at and and and passed up the opportunity. But when I seen that on on on Instagram today, I was like, well, I had that moment. But I came back home to Ohio after the divorce, yeah after my ex -wife and I split up and everything. And it was like, what am I doing? I'm sitting here chasing my tail. You know, I'm, I'm out here giving people advice going, you know, say you want to do this and you want to do that, but you look like the dog out in the yard just chasing his tail because you're never going to do anything.
Speaker: and And about that time, ah Jeff, my other co -host who created the original show and has been one of my co -creators for this network and everything else, him and I happened to reconnect. ah we've We've been friends since high school and we hadn't spoken probably 10 or 11 years and we just happened to reconnect and I was like, hey, I have an idea. And and that idea had no judgment on it. yeah I guarantee you. That idea probably was the most free, the most, what's elevating and most most pure feeling that you could ever ask for because it excited you. It arrested your heart. I'm going to guarantee it. oh yeah i And I was going to say, we are the gatekeepers of our, you know, we say yes or we say no. We're totally going to hold ourselves back. we're gonna
Speaker: We but want something? OK, go for it. And someone may say, I don't i think get the fuck away from them. yeah what You want to be around people who light up. i mean You want to be people who, you know and ah what's his name? Andre De Shields won the Tony a couple of years ago. He says, the fastest way, the fastest path to getting somewhere is the slow one. have Yeah. yeah umha totally yeah honoror
Speaker: that's so yeah no you're right you're you're right just sounds like what and brought up the idea to jeff and jeff's one of those guy he he that's that's that's one of my best friends in the whole world that's that's the dude like if i walked up and was like not mention any names not telling you where we're going we're gonna hurt some people <unk>d be like who's driving you know there's never been a bad idea between the well there's been a lot of bad ideas between the the
Speaker: We've never, you know, when I told him, Hey, I have an idea and before I could even spit it out. He was like, I'm in, what are we doing? And yeah and i audience when I, when I, when I put it out there, you're right, man. i I was the most excited I've been in a long time. I had our ups and downs with this, with this show and this network and everything like that. ah But I have such, it's, I have such a passion for it and I love what I'm doing. And you know, that jumps ahead of you. When you're in that state, when you're in that, when you've got that vibration going on, when you've got that energy about yourself, you know, 17 people are going to call that day and you even, even talk to them. Yeah. You know, they're all gonna, you know, after forever, um, was something that I, I really, um,
Speaker: I knew someday I would be responsible for creating something that would put me in a position of, ah quote unquote, success in the industry. ae And I think there'll still be a day some day where i'll I'll direct something, or the next thing I'll create, whatever it is. But because I saw it happening, because I saw what it was, because i Michael Slade could have been walking by me on the moon that day, or let me say this, like I could have been on the moon that day, and Michael Slade would have walked by. So I used to write for you on Days of Real Life,
Speaker: It was just our universal crossing point was supposed to happen. And it's because, and I really believe this, we were both on the same vibration. We were both on the same idea. And I didn't know that he had lost his partner. I didn't know that the story we were gonna tell was half part his apartment. I wanted to write a story about dating. I was 50 years old, 51 years old, I was single and I was looking for love. And that's what I kind of wanted to create from. My cat came into my life because I wanted to bring life into my life. So I named her Vida. So yeah, you're picking up good vibrations, Connor. Calm down there, Brian Wilson.
Speaker: but
Speaker: nice it's I love the beach boys and I was going to say good vibrations, but yeah. Kevin beat me to it.
Speaker: it's It's amazing how you know that things happen at the right moment. and you know yeah know we've we were We've been talking about loss and a little bit of everything tonight, but one of the other aspects ah um on loss and blazing, you brought it up when you said you went through your divorce. you know you Loss isn't always death. It's also could be a relationship or a friendship or you know losing a loved one, not to death just because you go your different ways. you know ah yeah job be a job how do you yeah you know yeah losing Yeah, losing a dream job, whatever. you know For me, my my divorce was very beneficial not only to myself mentally, but probably to my ex -wife. And we have a pretty good relationship to this day. um you know We still talk frequently, we try to plan things with the kids and
Speaker: you know like She was in a situation and I said, Hey, look, why don't, why don't the kids come stay with me during the week? And I've had the kids full time now since for the last two and a half years. And, you know, on the summers we do our things, but that, that split up, the initial split was hard, but then I realized that was when my journey to healing started because I was in such a bad place and with that, with that relationship and with her. that I was becoming something that I swore I would never be. I was not a very good dad. I, you know, I wasn't a very good person and and I was dealing with a lot of things. So for me, I had the opposite effect with my divorce than you had, police. It was actually very, it was very healing and and and ah and a positive thing. And like I said, but to this day, I won't say we're friends, but we get along.
Speaker: we you know we don't we don't We don't fight, we don't make her, we always put the kids first. You get along better now than you did when you were - Yeah, you know she still might make her mistakes and i got ah I gotta carry the load a little bit more. But at the end of the day, I'm dad and a and I gave up everything I had in South Carolina to come back to Ohio to be present and not be 12 hours away from my kids. ah But i' from well I'm grateful for the divorce. Now I have lost friends you know or or relationships that you know I still look back on and go, man, the hell went wrong? yeah where where where did we Where did we go wrong yeah it' in this and this journey that we were on together? And and that, you know again, it's it's a part of that grieving cycle and and that healing cycle because you got to go back and sometimes relive
Speaker: to to, uh, eventually the past. Well, you know, I think that the universe is going to conspire in your favor. If you let it, if you push against it, you're going to keep getting that crap. And I think Hunter just said, Oh, I'm so sorry. yeah and like I want my camera time to dad. Come on now. Yeah, she's on with that. Anyway, i no did I think that when the journey sometimes is the hardest thing because it's all that, what if, what if, oh my God, and let it it just happens. yeah That stuff gets in the way before,
Speaker: and when the trauma is already happened, you know it's all already hit its head and you're bleeding. you know here um your your your emotions are shut. That earlier thing in the um opening about being exhausted, about being just, I mean, I have been there. I have been there. And then ah even to lay in bed comatose like, and now I tried to work something in my mind. Okay, what will take me out of this? Hmm. Can I do that? Not right now. I'm not physically able to, but that
Speaker: little thought about doing that thing or getting up and, you know, watching that movie, whatever it is, that self care, the self comfort that you give yourself in those times is the thing that will absolutely ah strengthen your, your, your exhausted muscles, so to speak, you know, you're really, it gives you life, it gives you life. And if you are, and I always say this to you, if something is really, really got you by the balls and you cannot shake it. Get off of your shit and go do something for someone else. If that made me go to a nursing home and wash dishes or or soup kitchen, pass out food. Soup kitchen, get off of yourself because giving, I hear you, okay, I'm not touching. Giving is the greatest way.
Speaker: of receiving, because you're giving to yourself. We're all the same again, I say. We got a diva in the house, I take it. thats now you know this me for so long yeah ah you know i ah One of my favorite things to do when when i and I was just talking about this. I can't remember who it was I was just talking to about this. Oh, I was talking to Josh Friday night, musician I had on. um We were talking you know talking about charity and giving back. it And I see one of my favorite things that I used to do when I when i lived down in Charleston. I i worked for a working at the time. And I had a few nursing homes that I took care of. And I got to the point where.
Speaker: It wasn't a whole lot to do, but one of my favorite things that I look forward to going once a month was that I got to chitchat with the residents. I got to talk to the residents. So it became a thing where essentially, if I had one of those, um I mapped them out to where I did one a week. And I would spend the day there and I would. How lonely they are. Yeah. And I would talk to them and you'd get to see the ones who literally their family just tossed them in there and forgot about them. And and like the nurses and head of school, they're like, this is the highlight of their month when you come in. And I loved it because I love hearing the stories. I love, you know, talking about when they would grow up and, and you know, even got to the point where
Speaker: you know I would be in like the like the foyer and it just sitting in a chair, just chit -chatting with 10 or 15 residents, you know having a good time. And they're like, we don't really have any pest problems, but we're gonna continue to pay working for you to come because they love, and I loved it. I don't know who benefited more of them or me, but that was one that was that was a tough thing for me to walk away from. And when I came home, it was something I wanted to get back into. then unfortunately the pandemic hit and it was like, yeah, you're not getting within a hundred yards of a, of a assistant living or nursing home or anything like that. But it's still something that I want to, I want to get back to. It's just a matter of squeezing it in. What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? My already full plate of duties. I have that full plate too. I, um, I'm going to, I have to go and get this thing over at the, um, at the UPS that I have to pick up. I was going to say the full plate. Yeah. Fuck it. Um, if my plate were fuller or if i my full plate were more full of, uh, consistent, um, good hearted, good minded, good thoughtful, um, uh, content or, or, or.
Speaker: uh, appreciation or feelings or emotions or actions. I, I've got you in my heart. I would probably just be that much more alive. Um, Steven, I'm going to wish you to learn how to dance with those demons because they're, they're really only scary. If yeah you hold them as such, in my opinion, that's, I don't know what they are, but I'm sure. And even if you're a bad dancer, They'll stop dancing with you. The one song they don't like me listening to is The Climb by Miley Cyrus. which ah ah Well, then, you're going to make it, then, whatever that whatever that climb is, whatever that song is, you just show them the stuff that is. And you know what? I have found that I am able to say, OK, what is it you have to say to me? What is it you have to let me know? Because you get four seconds, four minutes. Elevator pitch. And that's it. And that's it.
Speaker: That's what they tell me. Okay. Now I'm going to turn them off and I'm going to be free over here because that's the thing that you want to be able to move through. And and I'm telling you, know it's it's you're you're on track, man. You're on a track. that's That's one of the things that i that I've absolutely learned to do is, you know, not fear them, but like Kevin said, I dance with them. I'm like, all right, you guys know what you're trying to get your attention. Yeah, do like Jack Nicholson once said as the Joker, you got to dance with the devil on the pale moon. Yeah, like you already know what's inside my head when them demons start stirring. Let's let's have this conversation. Let's do this dance. We know where it's going. But that demon, that devil does not know the truth. Yeah, it doesn't want to pay attention to the truth. It wants to spin this thing over here that says, see how right I am. No, no, no.
Speaker: No, you're not right. This is right. Cause it's, it's in you, it's in the you yeah and it's, you either hold it as such truth or you hold it as direct blazings going back to school, dude. I love it. Oh, I mean, I, you know, the, the one journey for me. is that, you know, as Glick said, you know, he he wanted to be on radio and I told Glick, I was like, bro, at this moment I'm actually going to try and become person that does radio. and And like when Glick told me that, you know, and I felt so bad for Glick sometimes I'm like, dude, I don't want to do this anymore. And just like, it was kind of like, it was both our journey, you know, because Glick said he wanted to do it. And you know what Glick?
Speaker: I think you're better doing it. This is your radio. but This is this is this is this is my happy place. I love doing and I love the fact that, you know, great. And as I as I've stated multiple times, I'm trying to start walking away from certain shows, not because I want to, but because I think it'll be best creatively with the people I'm putting in place. But I do four shows a week. yeah wow i i i host bro I host the Men's Mental Health Show. I host a fun news show where we it's just news that makes you go, what the fuck? You know, like the WTF news is what it is. And then I host a music show, which I love music and I love all genres of music and I love all aspects of music. um it's it's ah That was always my go to. If I'm having a good day, I'm listening to music. If I'm having a bad day, I'm listening to music. If I'm happy, if I'm sad, whatever the case may be.
Speaker: And then on Saturday nights, it's just complete and total chaos and anarchy. And I get to show my comedy side. I don't know. Some people say I'm funny, I guess. you know Maybe I am. But, you know, I get to show four different types of my personality throughout the week. And and I love it, you know, because there's more to me than just some knucklehead that can come on a podcast and do dick and fart jokes for three hours, four hours. Six hours sometimes. yeah That's our wheelhouse. I don't know who it was. I saw something posted on Instagram yesterday or the day before. And I put it on my story. And Julia Roberts was being spoken to by the actor I can't remember. But he was sort of like, you need to learn how to pick your thoughts the way you pick your clothes out for the morning.
Speaker: And I thought there was something very interesting about that. Choose your thoughts, the way you choose your outfit for the day. And I thought, wow. I don't know what movie it was or what thing it was, but it was so, she goes, I'm trying. She goes, you don't try, you just do. Try to pick up the pencil. Pick it up, yeah. But I just thought, there's something about if we can all make just the, if we can just make the vow to try to really make room for the space of choosing what we're going to think as it comes to us every day. you as As it's, you know, I'm not going to hold that person guilty, even though I don't like what they're doing. It doesn't have nothing to do with me. Unless I make it my shit. I'm going to send that person love. I'm going to try this over here because I've been trying it over there and it's not working over there. You know, all that.
Speaker: And um I'm gonna, I'm gonna, wow. perfect perfect As soon as I get this, for I'm gonna, it'll start on Instagram and I'm gonna try and learn the TikTok and it'll it'll be to do something of service. Hello, greet, something. No more waiting. Yeah, I look forward i look forward to seeing them. yeah you know Like I said, I just, I don't know what it was that that caused me to just stop making them, but I just, I just stopped doing it and I've had people be like, yo, hey Glick, you know, it was, it would be, why aren't you doing that anymore? And I'm like, I don't know. I mean, there's no real specific reason for it. I mean, I think sometimes things just run their course, but I mean, it was really cool because. Obviously the person who asked you the question was looking for it. Yeah. Oh, you know, it was one of the first times I got recognized in public was based off of that, that, that Tik TOK video. It was at McDonald's drive through.
Speaker: here in town and the kid taking my order, he was like, wow, you sound like somebody. And I come around the corner and he was like, you're the good morning guy. And there was like eight kids in McDonald's and he was like, come here, the good morning guys here. And every morning before they started class, they would look forward to my TikTok video. And I'm like, that awesome that's The last time I got recognized,
Speaker: I was by someone who is a total fan of Friday the 13th, part seven. And I was getting my colonoscopy. He goes, are you in part seven?
Speaker: The doctor. That wasn't the doctor. But anyway, guys, thank you so much for having me on here. i realize I'm honored. And I want to read you this thing about grief um because um it's something that has continued to um ah where is it? Where is it? Where is it? um This is the thing. for me. And if I can just pass it on to you, it will but make a little helpful dent. Come on, where is it? Where is it? Come up, please. Technology, you got to love when it doesn't work. Here we go. Here we go. Okay, so this is by Gwen Flowers. I had my own notion of grief.
Speaker: I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love and you had to push through it to get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through, but rather there is an absorption and adjustment and acceptance. And grief is not something you complete, but rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on from, but an element of yourself. It's an alteration of your being, a new way of seeing, a new definition of self. And that gives me hope. Absolutely. Gwen flowers. 100 % true. It's powerful. So, yeah. Mmm, sunflowers. Nice. Yes. 100 % true. I mean, absolutely.
Speaker: You can't go wrong with that. Oh, thank you, Connor. I'm sorry we're here. I can give you shit, but you know, Connor, I want to thank you for not being here because I wouldn't have experienced this awesome conversation with you, Kevin. I appreciate meeting you. Hell yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for coming on the show, Kevin. Like you're a very beautiful soul, man. Thank you very much. So are you. We all are. We really are. And we're all on this earth for some reason. We just, we never know why until one day it clicks. And and we may not ever know. Exactly. It may be without us knowing. I think also, I just want to remind you all that the thing about loss, which I think you can find in my series after forever season one, two, and three, which is supposed to be starting this week on prime, season three, the third and final season is, um
Speaker: relationships don't end. They do not end. The one person is gone. They're, they're on channel five while you're watching channel seven. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm definitely, I'm definitely looking forward to checking out the show. Yeah. Kleenex not included. So issues. your issues Yeah. Tissues for your issues. That's right. Oh, I like that tissues for your issues. Yeah. God bless you all, and I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for having me. i Absolutely. Thanks a lot for being here, man. I really appreciate it. Cheers. Bye, Kevin. Bye, buddy.
Speaker: That was really cool. Really cool, Kevin. Definitely very appreciative to take some time out of his day to come hang out with us. um I've been telling you guys for the last couple of weeks, he's an absolute sweetheart. Oh, yeah, he is. I got the opportunity to chiitch chat with him on the phone for a little bit. ah There's nothing more you can say about the guy. He's an absolute sweetheart. He's a very genuine soul and In all honesty, I could talk to him for hours just just conversations about anything and everything So I'm very grateful and fortunate that that he came on and and again, thank you Kevin and also shout out to mark and Brian over talking shit they had him on their show and They started to have a conversation and mark was like, you know, I You would be perfect on Monday nights and and Mark got Kevin and I in contact with each other. So, um, shout out to Mark and Brian, uh, greatly appreciate that as well. Um,
Speaker: but, um, no, I mean, you know, he was spot on with a lot of things, especially with the way that, uh, the universe works. I, you know, I'm a firm believer that, uh, everything happens for a reason. And, uh, you know, people come into your lives, whether. positively or negatively um One thing that I've learned recently is Everybody comes into your life for a reason And I'll any any and they're gonna teach you a lesson some people stay some people go but as as a gone through this divorce and and been in the single world and been back in the dating world and
Speaker: you know, had failed relationships or whatever. I learned something from each one of those, uh, even doing this podcasting thing, you know, we've had hiccups and we've had bumps in the road and we've had people that have coming on and we've had people who still don't like us. And, you know, but I've learned something from them, but I've also been blessed with an amazing circle of people who enjoy what we do, not only enjoy what we do, but also, that come up here on the show with us. um you know you know we've got you know With Mark and b Brian and Steven creating that friendship with those guys, with Blaze coming into the fold. you know We have a really great group of guys that all have the same thing in mind and want to you know have fun and create something and do something. you know Jeff and Connor, I mean, Jeff's been with me since day one. And Connor has been here and there.
Speaker: You know, he, he, even before he was a part of the quote unquote show, he would still pop up randomly and fill in for Jeff, you know, much like blazing did tonight. There was times where I was going to do a show on my own and, and Connor was like, I would start to show it. He was like, you buy yourself. And I'm like, yeah, he's like, hold on a second. Let me grab my laptop. And he'd pop it in and we'd just rock and roll. So, you know, I'm grateful for that. You know,
Speaker: with ah with with the amount of loss that's come, there's also been a lot gained and it's put myself into a better situation as well as what we're doing here, you know, come and go and we'll we'll hash out what we got to hash out when we got to hash it out at the end of the day. But, you know, as long as we all have the same common goal. And and it's funny because like, like you said, people come into your life at the most random times, they'll please and just, Popping up out of nowhere. I did. Yeah, I was like, that was yes, I did. Yeah. Creepy YouTube stalker. who Oh, creepy TikTok stalker. Yeah, you. Again, amazing people popping up in my life at the right moment. That one stalking me on TikTok. You. And I'm stalking you. Yeah, you were stalking me. You're like, look at that sexy bearded son, bitch.
Speaker: I did think that. Whatever. She's like, God, that Sasquatch wants to talk to me now. ah but Not you, Mickey. You feel free to stalk me anytime. fifty Yeah, now you can't get rid of it. That's your stuff. Get rid of you now. I mean, I live here, so I can't get rid of him. Speaking of Stockholm Syndrome. yeah I know like when maybe um when we were talking with Kevin like you know and I I mentioned the song the climb by Miley Cyrus I I feel like when Connor had brought up and now you know about the journey and I always think like with whatever I do it's always the climb you know to get to that next uh what would you even call it like
Speaker: but grind the ladder yeah the next rung the ladder or to get to the next journey in life. Because if you just look at life as just something you're passing through, that can be boring. And like I know me and Blazin, we've talked about it kind of behind the scenes when Blazin would come on the Jarvis podcast, which Blazin, I have a i and need you this Sunday, if you can. I can make it happen. Just ah snap me what it's all about. So i yeah, fair yeah, it's just an anniversary show. OK, cool. um Yeah, Connor, Kevin was awesome. um
Speaker: Yeah. I think, hey, Glick, you're muted, by the way. Yeah, I know. I muted myself. I was talking to Nikki. That's why I muted myself. but so God forbid, you know, focus on, you know, when one of your co -hosts, you know, I know why I'm a part of the show. I know. I mean, Connor, a part of the show. It's it's that easy. Hey, hey, dance for me, monkey moment. Remember, remember, when remember when Kevin was talking about doing charity work and giving back to the community and how it fulfills you? Well, that's why your honor. hey Hey, Glick, go fuck yourself. I will say that cool Jarvis, not cool on the the whole
Speaker: You coming on the network and coming on the show and the friendship like that kind of took me off guard. I had to kind of, uh, you know, cool. What, what? Give it fucking thanks. Sorry. Asshole. i would you ah you copy a boy exciteded dill out of me i had to take a art springs tonight stephen yeah yeah you are but I'm get you to cry eventually, boy. Uh, yeah, no, I mean, you really kind of, you, uh, You get maybe you know, a I didn't know that I feel I feel terrible. You know, a I feel terrible. But be I also feel really good that you know. like for instance Basically, not all heroes wear capes. You're welcome. Oh, God. I was your knight in shining armor.
Speaker: um yeah i See, here's the thing, folks, I think he's a human being and then he totally redeems himself and becomes the asshole again. No, seriously, though, that that that I didn't I didn't know that about you. And it caught me off guard. it And it does. That means a lot. It really does. Even with like meeting blazing, you know, there's always and it's always caught me off guard with meeting new people and Connor and Jeff and every and Mark and Brian, you know, everyone comes into our lives for that reason. We may not figure it out right away, but, you know, once we get it and that's the thing, once you get it and like
Speaker: I've wanted to quit doing my podcast many times. I mean, oh, Glick's probably gotten sick and tired of me as saying, hey, you know let's let's get on with this rebuild. Steven needs this new thing in his life. It's like a drug. but And that's the reason why I haven't given up on doing podcasts, because like you said with doing the morning show and finally you know not doing it anymore and that yeah saying, hey, why aren't you doing it anymore? I mean, you have that reason. Yeah. It's people people literally probably watch that granted. You're gonna have your haters But it you know when you have those haters, it's because you're doing something, right? I agree, but you're also having those people. Sorry, you know People that love that show that's their whole day You'd like yeah and that's the thing as podcasters like there's podcasters out there. They're so fucking negative They're not looking at those people that are messaging on saying hey, you know you made my fucking day
Speaker: think ah how good That makes you feel Yeah, what were you gonna say place? Oh, dude, I am so proud of you like no shit proud of you guys as soon as he soon as Kevin You know show showed his Emmys. I was expecting you to get up and pull the belt down is would only have eighty six as out you you told that fucking I would be I would be I would be lying if it didn't cross my mind I was like You know, nice image you got there, but do you got one of these? i was and weren Like I have my fucking hand over fucking glint like I will 80s jazz on this fucking conversation. No, i you know, you know, I would love to talk to Kevin more. You know, I'm going to put the feelers out there, see if he'd be interested in doing another show because I would really like to talk.
Speaker: There's so many people out there. It's almost one of those shows that I would like to reach out to a couple other people in the community and and the you know the the struggles of of dealing with their sexuality and and and coming to terms with it and and and and whatnot. um you know Because I have family and friends in that world and and and and to to have the conversations with them, I have a very good friend of mine. who hit his true self for many years, did the whole ah pretend to be straight, got married, had had two amazing, he's got two amazing kids. And then he came out later in life. And and we, I ran into him one day and we hadn't we hadn't seen or really talked to each other in about a year. And we ran into each other and he said, Hey man, you want to step outside and have a sit? I said, I quit smoking, but I'll go outside. And he was like, so,
Speaker: So I have to tell you something. I was like, okay. He was like, yeah. Uh, you know, I came out and I was like, well, about fucking time. He was like, what? I was like, I knew the day I met you, you know, I was like, but I wasn't, you know, I wasn't going to say anything. He's like, you don't care. I'm like, ah fuck what the fuck would I care? Are you happy, man? Are you, are you, are you happier now? Or do you feel better? Cause I do. It was like a weight being lifted off of my shoulder. and you He's like that. when I first came out, I told my you know baby mama and and and whatnot. And then I started telling everybody else and he's like, there was mixed reviews, especially from like his family and stuff like that. And I'm like, and some of his friends, some of his friends don't even talk to him anymore. It's like, dude, I don't care, man. I, I, that makes me love you more because you're happy and you're, and you're living your, your truth now at the end of the day. Well, and that at the end of the day, that should be all that matters is that you're, you're happy.
Speaker: You know, like i I had a friend that said the same thing and I was like, no shit. And they're just like, you're not mad. I'm like, are you happy? Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with, you know, the choices you make? And that's why I think with like Pride Month and all that, the thing that always got to me was that I'm happy that people are able to live their life the way they see they want. And that's the way life should be. you If you want to be, you know, if you want to be a different person, be that person. You know, if you, like Kevin said tonight, and you know what makes me so proud of him is that, you know, he is able to say that, you know, he felt that way at a very young age and was, you know, he knew there was going to be backlash from other people. And from, let's be honest, Hollywood isn't, you know, the greatest with people that, you know, aren't what they want. And
Speaker: I'm very proud of Kevin and I'm very proud of people that want to live their life the way they want to live their life. I think in some ways, like not just the divorce that that broke me, but it was leading up to the divorce and after the divorce. I i had i had lived my life.
Speaker: and i being defined by so many other people that along the way I lost myself. a And it's great to live for people, your loved ones, your friends, et cetera. And it's important too. it balanced it There's a balance there. I think we should also live for ourselves. um We lose ourselves. It can take a while to find ourselves again. um It's different for everybody. I'm not going to lie. It took me some years. But um I think i think if if you know who you are and you're happy with who you are, self -love is important. I think life life doesn't get so exhausting. Life doesn't get so tiring. um Because I know how those how that feels as well. And I'm not saying I'm never going to you know have those moments.
Speaker: But I think those moments can to be far and fewer in between. So, yeah. No, I think I think that was one of the biggest things, you know, when I was married, I had, you know, I was so worried about living for everyone else. Like you said, Blaze, and I forgot who I was. And there's people from my past who have messaged me in the last couple of years. And they're like, there's the Glick we know. We're starting to see that that there's there's our Glick and I'm like, talking about man and they're like just because it way not that I ever meant to or or even now I don't mean to I'm just they're like you were you when we were growing up or whatever you were the type of guy that would walk into a room of strangers and before you knew it you had 200 new friends and you were you you you
Speaker: you are a presence, everybody, you know, and then that went away and you just kinda, you know, I was so worried about everybody else. Like, I'm a husband, I'm a dad, which, you know, dad is number one in my book right now, even to this day. But, you know, I'm a son and I gotta do this and I gotta do that. And, you know, this is this is how I'm supposed to do things because this is what I'm told to do. Or how, you know, this is how, you know, like I said, the radio thing, you know, was what I wanted more than anything, but because I listened to other people and I was too busy living for everybody else, where now it's like, I can live for, I can be both. I can do my thing and still be you know a dad, a fiance, you know you know but I can also still live my life and still, and I think that's one of the one of the best things about Nikki is the fact that she loves my goofy,
Speaker: big dumb animal self. Like she loves the fact that when we go out, like when we go back home, I think it was one of the biggest fears she had was how her friends were going to react to me and if they were going to like me and she was just just be yourself. You know, and I was, and her friends, you know, her friends don't like me. They love me. And when we go out down there, I'm a stranger. Like, how do I, I don't know anybody when we're in PA, you know, but we go to a bar or something and halfway through the night, I'm made friends with everybody. I'm on the dance floor. Nicky's, you know, Dicky's like, somebody will be like, uh, your boyfriend's out there dancing with like 10 people. She's like, yeah, man. So he was like, I'm going to be out there soon too. You know, you know, I'm getting to see more of my old self and I'm liking that. And it may, and I think that's one of the things that makes me happier too, because I can be me. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. If I want to come home and jump on the X box and play call of duty for
Speaker: you know an hour she's like look do your thing that's what makes you happy you know doing this podcasting thing yeah you know so sometimes it heats up a lot of time and and and and it frustrates her but she still supports me and and and i think that's key in finding a not only a relationship but in a friendship as well as somebody who's going to let you be you And you don't have to pretend to be something that you're not, which is something that I was guilty of for, for many, many, many years. I'm still doing that shit where like and you see me now and it's a different person. You see me around my, my wife's family. It's just like, I'm so not who I am. Like I'm, I'm there just to be there because that's, that's what they want. They want that quote unquote punching bag to, you know, and like,
Speaker: That's why I kind of told my wife, I'm like, I don't know if I want to go to Winstock. And she's like, but you've been so excited to want to go and see Jason Aldean and go see some other great musicians. And I'm like, yeah, go do it. Go do it. Enjoy it. I'm going to I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you the exact things that that Jeff and Tony told me when I was struggling about going to see Black Top Mojo, Black Top Mojo did a show in Columbus. And up until I got my car and left, I was debating it. And and they both said they both told me you better go fucking do it or we're going to come kick your asses because we know how much this means to you. We know how bad you want to go do it. That just go do it, because if you don't, then it's going to eat at you and it's going to be one of those things that you regret because you didn't do something that you wanted to do. So, yeah, like i ah go do it, man. Go do it. Have fun. Have a blast.
Speaker: You know, don't, don't worry about the money. Don't worry. mean It's like, well, no, that, that's not the worry. It's just nos like I've told my wife, I said, because I know we'll hang out with her family. It's like, it's hard for me to always be that person that can just put on that smile, you know, when inside, you know, you just want to, when, when someone, which her mother is my mother -in -law is very good for that. It's like, Hmm, what can I do to Steven today? Yeah and and that's why I don't want to go is because it's just another well you know Alyssa your husband doesn't have this and and I know it eats away at her but like I told Alyssa I said the reason I don't want to go even though I'm sure at the last second when we go to get the tickets I'm like hey I want to go because it's like I love music music has been so healing to me like
Speaker: like Houdini why all of a sudden Eminem making this song has now got me into like and just before the show I was feeling like do I really want to do the show because you know I've been feeling kind of shitty and I blared Houdini and it's like you know there's people that literally told Eminem that hey This ain't gonna be a good song, you know, you've fallen off. You're not gonna reach people. And Eminem just fucking goes for it. Like, he don't fucking care. and i said He's had a lot of people in his life ever since he was, you know, before he made it big that, oh, you're not gonna make it. You're just some white dude doing something you shouldn't be doing or you're no good at or yada, yada, yada. But hey, man, look, look where he's at now. And that's why I look towards like, you know,
Speaker: When blazing has always talked with me about certain things or Glick or Connor, even Alyssa, it's always like, you know, if I don't go, they win. Exactly. And I hate being that person that always wants to make people eat a shit sandwich, but you know what? I kind of, you know what, i as I'll tell my wife, you know what, I hope we get up and dance and when they're looking at us a certain way that I can look back at them and say, you know what, I make your daughter happy and that's all I fucking care about.
Speaker: so back in two thousand and five uh... my brother got my brother got married i just i just i just want to carry out a little ahead please i was i was a shot still kinda am not as much as i used to huge icb fan juggle all that shit anyway so back in two thousand and five my brother said is marriage date and all that in like july and the date was set in We were leaving, we were, I was stationed in California at the time. And we were checking the dates and we noticed that up in a up in Ohio, that same month was the gathering of the Juggalos. I was like, fuck, I get two birds, one stone. And um so it was time to go and and and and, you know, come back to Kentucky for the wedding. And on the way, we get a message saying, hey, the date's been changed.
Speaker: ah for the wedding, for the wedding. Oh, shit. Yeah. And I looked at the day I was like, well, shit, that's like the beginning of the fucking gathering, you know, that's like the day it starts. And the wife and I had talked to us like, well, you already bought your gathering tickets. It was a few hundred dollars, you know, the camp there for for for the three nights and four days. And I was like, you know, I know people are going to hate me for this, but I went, I went to the wedding and as soon as the wedding was over, I skipped the reception and I went up to the gathering and my brother and his wife was pissed from what I understand.
Speaker: Is i ditch the reception but i had already had that plan they change the wedding date yeah and i was like you know this is for me i was there for the wedding you know when all that was the best man and and i was happy form but at the same time i was like. Well i mean i don't get this opportunity very so i just took it i was like fuck it this is for me. um Grab that that ring and I just went and you know what I don't regret it is is You know, I pissed a few people off, but I don't care I I had such a great time. I met I met some cool homies there I met this dude from Australia who sat there and drank in the entire fucking time
Speaker: Going to concert. Yeah, and and and I was camping right next door to a illegal pharmaceutical company I swear to God that everything every day every every time I turn around they asked me if I want this drug or that drug I was like man military I just i got my tip full of beer you guys have some beer and we ate sit there do their weed and whatnot I'd be sitting there drinking beer. It was just a great time and I'm glad I'm glad in that moment. I said fuck everybody. I'm gonna take Josh time and I fuck it It was it was it was amazing. I had a plate. So sometimes you have to just say fucking this this one's for me Yes, and like, you know when I was feeling that way I'm like, you know what? I need to come on the show And when when fucking Glick was like, hey Steven, you know Tomorrow we're gonna be talking about loss and grief. It's get the fuck out of my head. Yeah
Speaker: Like I swear to God, as soon as he said that, I was just like, oh God. And then when Kevin came on, I'm just like sitting there going like, don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. And like when I was talking about the whole pride month and all that, and I'm like, don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. Don't say something stupid. Because I know I'll say the wrong thing, even though I don't mean to. And it's just like, God, Steven, you're a real piece of shit. And and that's why I said, you know, Like for Kevin, I'm so glad that he came on the show and told us his story and you know how some people didn't accept who he was. I mean, hell, there was actors even before his time, Rock Hudson, who was, who had to be a different person. He couldn't be the person he wanted to be. And it's like having Kevin come out and say that he's happy with the person he is and being able to be that person. It's just like.
Speaker: It's like, I wanted to, you know, be like, Hey, Kevin, can I, if you're in California or whatever, can I come hang out with you? Because like, you he'd be a guy I would love to have a beer with. Yeah. No, I think blazing is right, man. Sometimes it's just a matter of ah doing something for yourself, doing something that you're going to, you know, I was always a big con. I loved going to concerts back in the day. yeah When I was younger, I was going to, ah you know uh rock on the range or the country fest or you know Oz Fest you know hell I even you know I would even went to fucking
Speaker: family values only because I liked, uh, limb biscuit and, and, uh, and, uh, and stained. And then I was like, now I don't like stay because Aaron Lewis is terrible in concert. But then you realize, you know, years later, why he was so miserable and why it was, you know, then I seen just a few years back at louder than life, uh, stain was there and it was like a totally different person. From that first time when I was just Barely out of high school that I went and seen Staying for the first time to this time when I seen him, you know 20 years later It was like a totally different band because Aaron Lewis got away from all the bullshit of the record companies and started doing his own thing and he was happy and then he got back with staying and it was a good show but you know, I got away from that for years because it was
Speaker: ah Oh, you don't have that. We don't have the money. We know where you got to be. Dad, you you you can't do that. And then it was like when I came home, what first things I did when I came home was book louder than life. Why? Because like an ice cube and guns and roses are going to be there. Jason Muse is going to be in Louisville in September. Oh, Fox. I know. I'm thinking about going. He's there for like three nights. I mean, wrestler. Sting is gonna be in Minnesota for Twin Cities con and I'm kind of rapping my brain like ah If I go there and I could get him to come on one of the shows So but the fucking tickets just to go to that I was like for VIP is 300 a piece. Oh Wow, and I'm just like I'm like Not right now, you know, like I want to meet sting cuz I love dude. He's one of the greatest fucking wrestling time
Speaker: Now that I think I dropped 400 just on the tickets for louder than life. That didn't include like the hotel and everything like that or the Ubers. And I didn't drink at the concerts. It was too hot. I didn't drink. I would have a few beers when I got back to my hotel that at the end of the night or whatever. There's a lot of people at the hotel that were also at the concert and everything like that. So we would come back and have a few beers or whatever. But, but it was something because I'm i think guns and roses was on my bucket list. a band said I wanted to see it. I never got to see it. I never thought I was going to have the opportunity to see. And it was the lineup. I mean, it was actual Flash. It was Guns N' Roses. um And Ice Cube was going to be there as well. And I'm like, yeah hell yeah. But I mean, there was a million other bands that I wanted to see that were there. But it was the Guns N' Roses that had me. And it was one of those things that I debated because I just got back home and it was like,
Speaker: I was like, no, I deserve this weekend. And I had a blast. With Slash with them then? Yeah. OK. Yeah, yeah know it was it was it was it was Guns N Roses. like ah and ah and And I had a blast. and and And I didn't regret it at all. you know Disturbed was there. They're one of my favorite bands. ah and Just a whole bunch of bands. The lineup was phenomenal for all three or four days. but um and Sometimes you gotta, to you gotta do stuff for you and say to hell with everybody else. Don't worry about, you know, like last summer, you know, Nikki and I went, we went and seen Jelly Roll and ah she's a big fan of Jelly. um We went to Jason Aldean, which Jason Aldean was on my bucket list. She was able to get the tickets and we went and.
Speaker: part of me kind of felt bad, but then there was another part of me that I'm glad we got to, I'm glad we got to do it. I'm glad we got to do it together. And we had a great time ah we go before the show, after the show, during the show, we, we had an absolute ah great time. how i
Speaker: what's going on yeah I'd love to get them on the Monday night show because they I mean, I need to take a break. I'll be back. yeah um But yeah, you know, it's OK to do things for you, man. and And don't worry about what anybody says. And like you said, you've always been to that's the story of my life. Tell me I can't do something and I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it 100 times better than you ever thought I could have done it. And I'm going to serve you the shit sandwich on a silver platter.
Speaker: Well, like, you know, the funniest thing, and I know we didn't really talk about it when I was going through school, but when you had told me that night when I was about ready to give up, when I was like, even though me and Glick talked about it, still think I'm going to give up. And you're like, one of my biggest dreams is to be on radio. I was like, you know what?
Speaker: Maybe this is my purpose because like I love doing this, but to fuck to be on radio and to actually be honest, be paid for it. We'll get paid one day here. yeah Hopefully <unk> we're on the fucking corner just fucking doing a podcast. Yeah, maybe. hey You know what? As long as we're enjoying ourselves and having fun, that's all that matters. You know, and I remember you going through that struggle and I just didn't want you to give up on it because I knew how bad you wanted it. and And that was kind of one of the things that led me to so ask you about the rebranding of your, of your podcast, because I know it's something that you want to do. And I want to see you succeed, man. I want to see all you guys succeed. Um, and if that means I take the backseat to help you guys succeed, then that's what I'm going to do because you're always going to, I'll get most, I'll get more fulfillment and enjoyment out of watching everybody else.
Speaker: you know, around me do good, especially if I get to be a part of that journey for them and help them in some sort of some, some way. Um, uh, and you know, yeah obviously I'm not giving up on my dreams. Uh, you know, this is as far as I go as the podcasting thing. Then great tomorrow, if a radio station calls me and says, Hey, we've seen your podcast, a couple of them. And, uh, we'd, we'd like to have you come in and try out and maybe do a morning show or an afternoon show or, well yeah fuck whatever you want me to do overnight if he gets me on the radio i'll jump at the opportunity i mean hell even if i was given an opportunity to do voice acting i would
Speaker: That's another guilty pleasure of mine, too. And I know when when Wes was talking about that that one time, it's just like, and talking about making like animated versions of ourselves, I was like, dude, I want to voice fucking Glick so bad. here's Here's a challenge for any artist in the audience, if you want to take on the um on the task. Draw everybody from nonsensical nonsense in South Park. Oh, my God. Why do I feel like I'm fucking Cartman or no, no, no, no, not as not the actual characters themselves, but in the same art, the style. the style Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You guys going home. Yeah.
Speaker: I have Steven and Steven, I'm just pushing your balls, but like have Steven there with like in in pajamas. Yeah. like Have Glick look like a Sasquatch, you know. or And yeah, if only you walked around with the three liter Cola. Yeah, that would absolutely be really cool. No, like I'm assuming that's that's our list down there. The Southern Outlaws band, you know, never give up on your dreams. I mean, we heard a little bit of his story when when they came and hung out with me. uh you know i think that'd be a really good monday night show chasing their dreams ah guys i have i have to punch the time card i do that congratulations again on your guys's award that's awesome thanks for coming in blazon yeah 100 brother i'll uh i'll be reaching out to you yeah i'm gonna get ready uh i was gonna say we'll get ready and wrap this bad boy up okay now i'm going to stay till you back it up yeah uh i wanted to you know we talked about kind of
Speaker: tightening the ships up on a couple of the shows and, and, and, you know, not necessarily having to go full three hours or whatever. If we, uh, I'll gladly. Yeah. in the show early if possible. Saturday nights, I'm not. You guys are fucking stuck for six hours. Well, it's a good thing it's an optional one for me because, you know. Yeah. No. But no, seriously, man you guys that well deserved, much deserved award that you guys got down there. And, you know, I'm super happy for you guys. I definitely would like to hang out with you all again sometime. But I do what I do want to go ahead and wrap the show up. um Thank you again.
Speaker: greatly appreciated ah Kevin Spardus or Spardus for coming on here and hanging out with us tonight, man. That, that was huge. Um, and, and thanks for the bone for throwing us a bone, Mark and Brian. All of our social media. Um, we are on Facebook, Instagram, uh, Twitter or X, whatever you want to call it and tick tock. Um, We do have shows Monday through Sunday on Facebook and YouTube. They are live. You guys are always welcome to get in the chatters box and hang out with us. We love interacting with the chatters box. Um, and we try our best to stay as active, interactive as we possibly can with you guys. Uh, Monday nights, or also you can also listen to us wherever you listen to podcasts that we are on all the major and not so major platforms.
Speaker: Uh, all at physical network, or you can go to bio .link slash nonsensical network. And all those links are right there. Go ahead and give us a follow. Give us a listen and, uh, if you'd be so kind, give us a share. We greatly appreciate that. And don't forget to give all of us the old double thumbing. Um, speaking of this, Luke optional. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I surely encourage you guys to follow all of our guests. Go give Kevin. Spurt us a follow spirit. I know I'm butchering his name beta spirit spurto spirit But if you go to our Facebook page or our Instagram page, I've tagged him in everything tonight You can find them and just go give them a follow go check out all of his stuff. Make sure you check out his show ah After forever it's on Prime It's gonna be a tearjerker. So as blazing coin the phrase make sure you got your tissues for your issues
Speaker: but I want to I want the record to show it wasn't me who coined that I'm not sure exactly who coined that but I learned that from a friend that I worked with in um Oregon she she told me that one time and I just like you guys I thought it was just an awesome little saying so I just want to adopted it and into my lexicon Well, there you go. She's got her credit, but here in the nonsensical world, we're giving the credit to Blaze.
Speaker: But ah speaking of the shows, Monday nights is Men Can for Men. It's a men's mental health show and it's June, ladies and gentlemen. Not only is it pride month, we're going to celebrate pride month. I already changed our little logo up there at the top. Uh, and I, and I'm changing our profile pic, so, uh, go ahead and hate on us for that, I guess at the end of the day. Uh, but it is also men's mental health month. So, um, you know, we're, we're going to do our part to, to kind of the right direction as far as the stigma on men's mental health goes. Um, so Monday nights, men's men caring for men.
Speaker: Men's mental health show. It's just us guys getting together, chit -chatting. Uh, any guys in the chatters box or, or any of the listeners out there, you guys are always welcome to join us. If you want to get into the conversation or if you have a topic you would like to talk about or, uh, or if you just want to be a part of the panel and share your stories, you're always welcome. Just reach it out to us on social media and we'll make it happen. Tuesday nights is Jeff's garage. Um, if it fits in your garage, it's got motor and wheels and steering wheel or whatever. They're going to talk about it. I, you know, I'll tune in. I don't know what the hell they're talking about, but I tune in. They usually learn. You learn. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of times when Jeff's talks, I, I go blank. So, but that Tuesday nights is hosted by Jeff. He's got Benji with him and blazes in there quite a bit as well popping in there, hanging out, Jeff blazing and Benji doing their thing, talking about cars and.
Speaker: and and and and all that stuff. Wednesday night, cars, tools, engines, you name it like Glick said, if it fits into your garage, it'll fit in our mouths. Wait, that came out. Wait, what? I see what you did there. So, blazing. Uh same time this week behind that rest stop, I got something that'll fit in your garage.
Speaker: again love is optional always optional have aous just remember a tic tac does the same thing yeah uh wednesday nights is what the fuck news that's uh myself jarvis jeff and uh part -time connor ah than um and We're just talking about news that makes you go, what the fuck, man? In all honesty, at ah we're having fun. Thursday nights is talking shit. They're doing their thing. They will actually be live Wednesday night this week because they have a special guest, Al Snow, from the wrestling world, WWE, ECW, OVW. He's a partial owner of OVW Wrestling. thank you Absolutely. oh yeah oh yeah ho Ohio Valley Wrestling, OVW. Which I go to sometimes.
Speaker: Yeah, uh, absolute legend and WWE. Uh, so that's going to be a fun interview for those guys. Uh, but nonetheless, typically they're on Thursday nights, Friday nights is Glick's house of music. I'm hanging out with musicians, artists, songwriters, you name it. Uh, you know, I've had some fantastic guests from Rockly, the Southern outlaws band. We had a blast. We all got drunk together. That was fun. A hunter lot. Josh Merritt just joined me. um I got Derek Douglas Wayne joining me this Friday night. That's going to be another fun interview.
Speaker: And I got Jules and the Hal joining me in a couple of weeks. And that's going to be, I think that's going to be a really fun one too. I think she's, she seems like she's a bit of a character. So we're having fun. It clicks out some music and, and, and we're getting ah introduced to a lot of really cool artists and musicians out there. Saturday nights is the flagship show, the corners, so the the foundation of the whole network, nonsensical nonsense. Um, We just cut loose for six hours and have fun. And we do something that probably a lot of shows don't do and that's an open door challenge. And we dropped the link in the chatters box and we invite anybody and everybody to come on the show with us and hang out. As long as you got your camera on and we don't see your pecker.
Speaker: We don't ask for too much. It happened one time. Get out of my case. One time too many, Jeravichi. We're all all in therapy because of it. Don't worry. We'll do an episode one Monday night on that. Speaking of the text. And then we round up the week with Jarvis podcast. Did you not hear what Wes had to say about me once upon a time on Sarah? Oh, yeah. I got an elephant cock there. Oh, yeah yes right well fit yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But then we round the week. yeah We round the week up and we end the week with our buddy, Jerry Vichy, doing the Jarvis podcast for the time being. As we said, there is a rebranding coming and we'll let you know when all that happens. But nonetheless, check out all the shows. There's bound to be something that somebody likes. um We greatly appreciate the support. We love you guys being in the chat. We love you guys listening to the replays, checking us out on the podcast platforms. It means the world.
Speaker: um and And I'm super appreciative of all the guests that we get out on on all of our shows. Thank you guys for taking the time out of your busy schedules, your days to come hang out with us. and it It does truly mean a lot to all of us here at the network. With that being said, sorry, I gotta i gotta to bring the mood down just a little bit. We were doing a show tonight about loss and and grief and stuff like that. And you guys know me. I'm always trying to pick music that kind of corresponds with what we chitchat about. I got a cover here of Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven. Oh, you fucking. ra but At least it ain't how to save a life. who ah No, by a young man, Adrian Winkler, he does a fantastic job. When we get back from the song, we're going to give our
Speaker: are closing thoughts, I guess you could say. they Are they related to the Fonz? Yeah, I don't know. ah give our We'll get our closing thoughts and our little quotes, and then we're going to get the hell out of here. Hey. Blazer, you get it.
Speaker: Would you know my name?
Speaker: If I saw you in heaven Would it be the same? If I saw you in heaven I must be strong And carry on Because I know I don't belong here in heaven Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Speaker: Would you help me stand If I saw you in heaven I'd find my way For night and day Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven
Speaker: um
Speaker: time can bring you down time can bend your knees time can break your heart have you buried
Speaker: be and care
Speaker: um
Speaker: beyond the door
Speaker: There's peace, I'm sure And I know There's no more Tears in heaven Would you know my name? If I saw you in heaven um
Speaker: Would it be the same? and If I saw you in heaven I must be strong carry all and I know I don't belong here in heaven
Speaker: the
Speaker: Such a beautiful song, such an amazing cover by that young man right there.
Speaker: And it's a, it's a teacher. I paid you for that song. I love that song, bro, but, oh. One of, one of many Clapton songs that, that, that I love, but. I think that was the first Eric Clapton song that I remember watching on MTV when MTV was And he don't come to think of it. He don't play that song anymore. At least that's what I've heard You know what? I'm not sure I'd have because because he's come to terms with it. Yeah No, I remember the first time I ever heard it on the radio Before I even knew the meeting behind it and the story behind it and everything I'm like
Speaker: Sitting in the back so I don't even I can't remember what year that song came out But I was sitting in the backseat instantly just listening to it. I couldn't even hold back. I was just just crying um But now thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out Please and what's your what's your what's your final thought your your quote for the evening if you will tonight, sir Wow, um I think I kind of touched on it earlier Live for yourselves love yourself. I Mean at the end of the day I mean, we have a lot of people in our lives that we love and we cherish, but at the end of the day, we just have ourselves too. When it comes to grief and loss, um the sad moments, remembering those, it and it't all that bad, but just just remember, um the good ones the good ones help.
Speaker: um I have I have a have a couple of friends that I've lost over the years and But I think about them. I I think about the good times we had and yeah, so good times are good it cherishes Absolutely. What you got for us, Jeremy? She when someone you love becomes a memory that memory becomes a treasure kind Dig that like some Fuck yeah, put that on a shirt, man. That shit, you better. When you're running behind Forrest Gump and he says that line, just know he's a very, very smart man, even if he doesn't know what love is. Was that off? but Was that off Forrest Gump?
Speaker: That quote? No. Yeah. Oh, yeah I just went went on Google and I usually type in fucking greet or whatever the message is today. Don't ruin it for me, man. No, I'm joking. it Yeah. Like I'm going to come up with something like that. Like I'm fucking rehash and fucking raise Ramon shit half the time. Fair enough. Um. Obviously, I got a couple here. I got my two main ones, but ah what we. will be talking with Yeah, what we once enjoyed deeply, or what we once enjoyed and deeply loved, we can never lose. For all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. As as as Kevin said, you know just because they're not a part of the mortal coil doesn't mean that they're not still here. And then always, as I always say, five things to try to quit, or five things to quit, it's easier said than done. Stop trying to please everyone.
Speaker: We talked about it a little bit tonight. Live for yourself. Love yourself. Fear and change. Change isn't always bad. Even the bad changes are ultimately good at the end of the day. Living in the past, we've discussed that multiple times. Some of us get in our heads and that negative hamster wheel gets to turn and putting yourself down. Always try to lift yourself. And ever thinking. We're all guilty of her the overthinking monster. Again, easier said than done, but there's a five things that we absolutely try we need to try to quit. And last but not least, say this every show and I mean this, I wholeheartedly mean this and it means a lot to me this quote. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation by the bricks that are thrown at him by others.
Speaker: Take them bricks and grow stronger. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for hanging out blazing. Thank you so much for stepping in on a very short notice, man. I appreciate that brother. so Thank you for the invitation. I hear yeah fucking love this episode. This was an amazing one. I'll cherish this one for a long time. And again, huge shout out and thank you to Kevin as well. We appreciate you being on here and maybe who knows we'll get him on. We'll get him on again down the road. Yeah, but. We'll see y 'all next Monday here on this show, but we got plenty of other shows the rest of the week. So make sure you guys tune in. Hit this here button, awkward stare.
