Transcript
Speaker: Yes!
Speaker: What's going on, everybody? Welcome to Nonsenseable Nonsense. It's Wednesday. We got a little hump day action for your ear holes. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day. Hump day.
Speaker: Sometimes Jeff is not here. Call you summer, summertime you hear, summertime you not. When the wife comes home after two and a half months, I'm not showing up. You're supposed to be here now. Get your ass out. Check us out.
Speaker: on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. Don't forget to hang out with us live on YouTube and Twitch every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at 6 p .m. when you get your kicked off.
Speaker: and all of our shenanigans ensue. And if you can't join us live, don't worry, we got your coverage. You can listen to us on Spotify. Basically, anywhere and everywhere podcasts are at, you can find us. All you gotta do is hit the old Google box and type in nonsensical nonsense podcast, you can find us. So go ahead and go give us a follow, give us a like, give us a listen and give us a share if you like what you hear. Let other people know. Don't keep us all to yourselves now. Don't be stingy, don't be creepy. Sharing is caring. Sharing is caring, says Jeffrey.
Speaker: I'm going to behave myself. And because I'm not sure when and where we're going to pop up on the IRN. If you're listening to us on the IRN, what's going on? Hang out. When you end up listening to us, listen to Kevin Hawley. And he'll show you how not to do a podcast after we show you how to do a podcast. So keep an eye out for us. Keep an eye out for us on the internet radio network broadcasting.
Speaker: at dot com we'll be showing up there sometime soon i'm not sure yet but uh like i said we'll be i think we'll be uh added into their schedule their schedule is on the uh they have like a tv guide style schedule and you can kind of look on there on their website and kind of look for it yeah it's also an app by the way download the app check it out
Speaker: So we are a little bit of everywhere. So you guys should definitely be following us. You should definitely be listening to us. You should definitely be sharing us because I can't vouch for these two turquoise, but I'm a sexy son bitch. Worst case scenario, you can come in here and look at me for three hours and just put us on mute.
Speaker: That's what I do. I only did that for your benefit because if I've been like, Tony's a sexy son of a bitch, you'd be like, oh my God. And your homophobia would have shown. Speaking of sharing stuff on Facebook, I shared out the show and I got a warning. Not the latest stuff. I got a warning.
Speaker: No, it was the one before. I got a warning from one of the groups, one of the groups, this is not what we, what we show. I'm like, uh, the site is, fuck you. I'm into this shit. Yeah. So that's why you, that's why sometimes you have to put a disclaimer. So it's not, sometimes you have to put a little bit of effort, you know, like I shared in a couple of sites or a couple of pages.
Speaker: I put the same thing every time. I thought this group would like this. Well, that's just that. That's an automated message that it puts in there. Yeah, that pops up automatically. So, like, I share into, you know, dad's drinking bourbon. And I'll put it in there. Hey, I know this has nothing to do with bourbon, but
Speaker: We are three dads. We're chasing a dream. Grab yourself a nice drink, sit down and give it a listen. And if it's allowed in here, just delete it. And my apologies. So shout out to dads drinking bourbon for letting me post in there. I don't do it all the time, but I do from time to time. Same thing with dads playing video games or whatever the hell the Facebook group is. I'll do the same thing. Hey, get your favorite game. Throw us on in the background.
Speaker: and support some dads, you know? And I always thank them. And if it's not allowed here, just take it out. No big deal. I post this a lot in the 90s nostalgia groups. Because we're all from the 80s. I see I'm allowed back in the 1870s. I see I've been welcomed back to the glory hole with open heart.
Speaker: because the site was going down without you and me because I'm in that one as well and I don't see a lot of post lessons from you or me. So shout out to North Glory Hall. Thanks for letting me back in your hole. That's what she said.
Speaker: Is that what she said? That's kind of a weird thing for her to say to you. Is that what your wife said when she got home? Is that what your wife said when she got back home, gently?
Speaker: Thanks for letting me back in your hole. I've missed this. Look what I got at the Sex Museum. It's only about three and a half feet long with a circumference of 28 inches. You can take that, right? Nothing's bigger than me. I think my max is 24. No, like I was saying before the show, I got plenty of projects to keep my little happy -ass busy because somebody took me over to Home Depot and kind of let me run wild.
Speaker: as a thank you, and it took two trips to get everything home. As a thank you, to make you buy stuff for the house, to fix the house up. But Chris, what is the one thing at Home Depot that you and I will always run to when we get to Home Depot? All the tools.
Speaker: Let me get my bag of chips for you. So I went and got me. I got a new... I just wander aimlessly. I start touching the card. I do that too. That's what we did. That's what we did on Sunday. We just started... We're on the card! Fuck!
Speaker: I let the cosmic beans and the powers that will just guide me to whatever I need and just wander aimlessly until, oh, I need that. I don't eat it, but I will. I did pull a Ron Swanson at Home Depot. We walked in and they were like, can we help you with your next project? I was like, I know more than you and walked away.
Speaker: Well, of course I said it in Spanish. I was like, yeah, don't worry about it. I did. Okay. I love that. I love people like you because the brief sent that I spent at Home Depot working. I had a guy that was like half my age and I was like, Hey man, what you need? What can I help you with? He's like, I think I know what I'm doing. I've been doing this for a long time. I was like,
Speaker: I have forgotten more than you'll ever know. Trust me. My wife, she was watching me install stuff and she said, you know, it's amazing that you know how to do so much. I said, yeah, you could fit in the Grand Canyon or what I forgotten and remembered instantly.
Speaker: as soon as you grab something but i i did uh i i do you remember back when you complained about my table salt and me using sandals while using i did i did not complain about your table salt i was worried i was scared for your life well okay well it's finally come to bite me in the ass
Speaker: Oh, did you cut off your leg? No, no, I'm fine. Damn it. But I bought a jigsaw. I bought this nice Ryobi jigsaw. And I showed you that Charcot rod that I put in.
Speaker: Yeah. Well, I was wearing sandals like a dumbass and I'm going to hire a fucking OSHA guy to watch me work from now on. Because what did I do? I had the fucking saw laying on the floor and I kicked the blade and cut my fucking toe open like you read about it. And as you've told this story, they have just lost 15 employees to suicide. Probably.
Speaker: As you told this story. And my wife was like, what do I do? What do I do? I said, give me some paper towel and some electrical tape. I'm going to mandate on it. She goes, what's a mandate? A mandate. That's a good one. A man's mandate. Electrical tape or toilet paper, baby. Let's get back to work. It's exactly what I did. And then I go, I put new fencing on the wall so the dogs can't get out. And the fencing I bought is like stupid sharp.
Speaker: It's not razor wire, but like when you cut it with a grinder, it becomes crazy sharp and my fingers are all cut up. I have to go buy gloves to actually work with it more. Because I've led - That's my new favorite thing to buy at Home Depot.
Speaker: I fucking cut my elbow today. Yeah, that's my new favorite thing to buy at Home Depot. Work clothes. Yeah, work clothes. They got some great work clothes. Yeah, I got like four pair in the back of my SUV right now. Two of them are camouflage. I bought them. Really? Yeah, I got green camo. I got green camo. And I got winter camo. So it's white and gray. It could be the best tip in the world. The best gloves. Best gloves to buy. I'm going to give you the best tip in the world.
Speaker: After a conversation between Smoke and I the other day off the show, that got added to the repertoire. I hit Tony with it the other night and had shit coming out of his nose.
Speaker: I buy gloves at AutoZone because I buy the mechanic gloves.
Speaker: No, I buy those mechanic gloves. I do like the mechanic gloves. Those are super comfy. I have two pair. I have to go buy another pair because the one pair I bought for when I'm working more with my palms, like swinging a hammer and shit, because I cut the fingertips off. Yeah. But I need a pair with fingertips so I can actually work with this pencil. I'll have to look and see what this brand is that I buy. And I've always loved mechanic gloves.
Speaker: The only thing I didn't like about them is, unfortunately, they don't last forever. I go through them. No, I go through them. So this brand that I have that I got, I can't remember what they are, but they're a big popular brand.
Speaker: They are 20 times more comfortable than mechanic gloves, and you don't have to cut the fingertips off because you can still work comfortably when you're doing screws and hammers. But I'm seeing how long they last. So no matter what I do, every silly little project I do, even if I'm just like,
Speaker: because I'm in charge of picking up trash. Even if I'm just doing that, I just throw them on. I want to see what the durability on them are because right now,
Speaker: And I've been, and like I said, no shade on mechanic gloves because I love them. I've always used them. You know, I just want to see if they will outlast them because right now, right now they have them and they're cheaper. Well, I'm actually looking at buying the smallest pair of welding gloves because they're leather.
Speaker: and I want a small pair so they fit nice and tight. Welding gloves. Let me see what these are because I've had to do a couple things with like sharp metal and stuff and they've been fantastic. So I'll send you a picture of them. Try to get those because they've been fantastic. Like I've had to move like metal, you know, the metal conduit and shit like that. It's been cut and stuff like that. And they've been great. And they're padded, they're insulated or defensillated. The fencing I bought, I bought a roll.
Speaker: where I could redo my fence like 15 times. It seems to be a bit of an overkill. It's like heavy duty, smaller holes than chicken wire, but it's a little bit stronger. And I had a piece like this and I'm pulled up to straighten it up and cut my finger.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just grabbing and filling up. I cut the shit out of my finger. So I had to put another mandate on it. Yeah, I'll send you a picture of those gloves tomorrow. I coined the phrase mandate the other day because I literally had mandates all over my hands. I had a mandate over here. This sounds like something you caught down at the local circle jerk. We have the local circle jerk playing ooky cookie.
Speaker: No, but the funny thing is like the kids were at grandma's and the kids came home and I cut my finger and I said, I'm going to put a mandate on it. And my son instantly knew it was a man bandaid. And my daughter's like, what's a mandate?
Speaker: Yeah. Or remember, remember, you know, back in the day when they used to do like farm aid and, and, and, uh, they did the whole, we are the people. They, it sounds like some kind of benefit concert benefit for men. You know what, that's probably no far off nowadays. Mandate 2022. Stick that, you're fucking better not say that the feminazis will get me. Stick that in your blowhole, you're a feminazi.
Speaker: Unbelievable. Well, yeah. You're unbelievable, Tony D. Unbelievable. You're unbelievable. One of the things I bought while my wife was out of town is I bought that TV from my office. And I bought that big speaker. I bought that big speaker. Did you buy one of your AI sex dolls? No, I can't afford those. Those are a little bit out of price range.
Speaker: I brought up that big speaker. She had her little Alexa set up and she was playing music. I said, you want to listen to music here? And I pulled the big speaker out of my office and she's like, what the fuck is that? I was like, that's my new toy. I said, she's like, that's kind of cool. I said, well, if that makes you happy, go look at my office. She's like, what the fuck is that? I'm like, it's working. You're up. You're up.
Speaker: Any time she questions, any time she questions. That's what I can't do. Any time. I said, you know, you were in Europe. No. You don't even say that. You have to be here to stop me from buying stupid shit when you're in Europe. You can't stop me. Any time she questions you for buying stuff, then you just say one word, Europe. She has the word. Europe. If she keeps getting lippy, you catch her with a backhand. You don't say Europe. You say you're home. That's what you do. No, you say Europe.
Speaker: She could be home for free. It's a whole lot cheaper. You gotta remember though, you gotta remember though, Europe didn't cost me a dime. She spent her money. I just allowed her to go. She got more money than I think she is. Not anymore. She spent it all in fucking Europe.
Speaker: she just she she moved back she go back to her home in Europe she go back to her house in Europe she went over her friend's house she's like she's like you're doing the show i was like yeah it's wednesday she's like yeah i gotta go see my friends anyways she's like yeah been nice seeing you i'm back seriously she's like you're gonna be on a show you're not gonna even notice i'm gone i'm like good
Speaker: Yeah, good boy, valid boy. She's like, I was home three days, going back to my other, going back to my other home, going back to my real home in Europe. Hey, that's my line. Yeah, exactly. That's what I say, Jerry. She's like mother and your mother made you. That's Tony. That's Tony. Baby, where you going? I'm going out. Goodbye, motherfucker.
Speaker: on the way back from the airport and she's like
Speaker: I was like, what the fuck was that? She's like, that's what they do in France. I was like, you're not in fucking France. And right behind us are like four French people. You missed our story of us making fun of the French people Saturday night. Apparently they're using jock straps for condoms.
Speaker: And in France, I forgot about this story on purpose. How's that? I guess because they, they, they cut the boys up high and the heat generation, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. But they wear the jock strap. Yeah. That's not going to work for me. I need, I need every, I need, I need every fraction of an inch I can get.
Speaker: I need every eighth, every eighth of an inch counts, God damn it. Yeah, every millimeter counts. It's not how long, you know, you got to remind them sometimes it's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your work.
Speaker: or you just get on top and pile drive them so it feels bigger than what it really is. Slipping a finger just in case. Three fingers. That's me. I got 300 pounds coming down. Take it all. It's too big to handle. No, I'm not going to order that fucking shit now. No. No.
Speaker: No, I speak of ask your mom. She's in Europe. No, I Jeff was talking about all his little goofy ass projects. I have a I had a project with your balsa wood door frame. Tony.
Speaker: Don't even get to hear this. This is funny. So Sunday, I went over to my buddy's house down the road here to watch football. A buggy didn't want to go. She had a headache. I think, honestly, I think she was just peopled out because she was at the football game Friday night with her friends. And then she spent Friday and Saturday with her friends. I think she was just peopled out. So she wanted to stay home. I was like, all right, don't worry about it. We're literally right around the corner. Call me if you need anything, whatever. And we're less than five minutes away.
Speaker: And my buddy's wife and their neighbor, they decided to go get be dubs. And apparently, there was a conversation that I didn't know anything about because when they got back, Buggy was with them. I didn't think anything of it. We're watching football, whatever. We're on our way home, and I was like, Buggy, did you lock the door? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, fuck. She was like, what? I didn't have my house key. I was like, don't worry about it. Well, she was staying home.
Speaker: So I'm not leaving it. That's the problem I have with this story. How do you not take your house keys? I don't leave my, I don't leave my office without my house keys. Because if the kids are here when I leave, I don't leave my house. What? This office is about.
Speaker: Yeah. Shut up. You also never leave your bathroom either. So if I leave to go somewhere and the kids are here and they stay here or whatever, I don't take my house key with me. Because usually, if I leave to run out real quick, especially on football Sunday, I don't get dressed. I've got sweatpants on, so I don't want to carry my big fucking key fob house keys and all that other shit. All my keys are on one key chain. Yeah, all my keys are on one key chain, but it's big and bulky and I don't want to carry it.
Speaker: right? So I just grabbed my fucking jan or maybe don't worry about it. So anyways, I'm like, you know what? Not that big a deal.
Speaker: I slide my credit card in there. Yeah, that shit doesn't work. It does work. I've done it multiple times, not here, but other places, whatever. But I had been drinking Sunday, and I was just getting aggravated. Yeah, that sounds like he's admitting a lot of things. No. So I was just like, fuck it. Yeah, I'm not going with it. Here you go, Sunday. Yeah, exactly. Mind you, Tony. Mind you, Jason, with the wine? No. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Whatever.
Speaker: Let me pause for effect and take a drink. Anywho, much like Jeffrey, my entire building, my apartment and everything like that, it's all blocking concrete. Most of my walls, with the exception of my interior walls, are concrete. That's why it's a bitch to hang anything.
Speaker: Yeah, so I'm like, if you don't own a hammer drill, you ain't hanging nothing. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm just going to put my shoulder right into the fucking door.
Speaker: So Tony, I literally go, boom, just, just, I didn't even move. I'm standing straight up and just bang. Yeah. I almost fell in my ass because the door flies open. I blow the entire fucking frame apart. I'm like, Jesus Christ. So this is how secure I, this is how secure my door is. I can barely bump it and it blows the ground. That deadbolt is awesome. Yeah. Well, the deadbolt wasn't locked. It was just the bottom, the bottom door knob. And I'm like,
Speaker: Then I look at it, and I'm like, I wonder, pretty much, I was like, oh, I hope I could shut and lock the door tonight. So, yeah, I was able to, I came home yesterday. It was the first time I had a chance to really come home and have time to do anything. Came home yesterday. I'm going to tell you what, ain't no motherfuckers breaking through that door now. That motherfucker is Fort Knox secured. I got, I got tap con screws in that bitch.
Speaker: Tapcons are like four inches long. We're people listening that don't know what tapcons are. They're concrete screws. They're blue concrete screws that are about four inches long.
Speaker: I read that so best, cleaned into the goddamn, right into the concrete. Then I have these other heavy duty screws that when you, they've got like little, they're, they're, they're self anchoring screws. Okay. Yeah. But they're, they're for, they're, they're, they're for like heavy duty, big building stuff. So they're, they're like,
Speaker: three and a half inches long or whatever, but each thread, each thread has these hooks. So when you're going in, it doesn't pull out. So I ran about, I ran about four or five of them sons of bitches right along the edge of the frame, a bunch of tap cons on the other side.
Speaker: And I ran them all the way through, so they're flush. So now I got to go get some wood filler because where a couple of pieces. Well, there's a couple of pieces where no, I put it all back together like a, like I pushed it all together, but I got a couple of pieces. You didn't even replace the piece of wood. You just. Oh, Jesus. Nobody noticed. Oh yeah, dude, you should see it. It's fucking secure. The door works. Here's the crazy thing. The door works better than it worked before.
Speaker: When you would close the door and go to lock the deadbolt, you had to kind of wiggle it a little bit to get it to go in the hole. You know, we're all used to that. You get a little wiggle to get it in the hole, right? You got to put the key in, give it a twist, give it a shake. Yeah. And now I shut the door for bitches. Like, you know, I got to lock it. Yeah. The damn key runs away from me. Yeah. It's like, Oh, hey buddy. The door also like wiggled some when it was shut and locked. That motherfucker don't move.
Speaker: That's some bitch is lock talk like lock tight man in above okay go nowhere now you are not bringing in this fucking house and if you do you can have whatever the fuck you want if you get out before mr smith and wesson gets his dress yeah if you get in here when i'm home
Speaker: You can add whatever you want in the time it takes for me to grab my Grandma's Christmas lesson. If I'm not home, congratulations, you win the grand prize. You win the grand prize of like two giant TVs and nothing else. Two giant TVs and Xbox, laptop. I got some stuff in here. Well, like I didn't realize something over the weekend that one of my dogs is stupid.
Speaker: I put up that fence that is very sharp. As I mentioned, I cut the shit out of my hands doing it. This dumb ass dog.
Speaker: I had him in my office here. The dog was bored. Don't blame the dog for being bored. He tried to get out. And he looks like, you remember when Kujo broke the glass and his face is all cut up? Yeah. That's what my dog looks like now. Because normal dog, they get a little cut. They're like, oh no, that fucking hurt. Oh, I'm not going to do that again. No, my dog kept going.
Speaker: to the point where he looks like he tried to go through the fence. He never did get out, but I don't think he can do it now. It's time to put him down. Yep. Wrecking and fixing it. Hey, you know what? Have you ever seen, I'm like a combination of Bob Bila and the Tasmanian Devil. I'm a Tasmanian Bila.
Speaker: You know what? I agree. I'm the same way. Yep. Sometimes you get bored. You can just break shit so you can just fix it. Well. Not the case Sunday night when I came home. That was more aggravation and frustration. And it was more, and it was like, I didn't hit that door that fucking hard.
Speaker: for that to do that. I've paid a lot of doors in my life. I've kicked in a lot of doors. I've shoulder blocked a lot of doors. We'll see. I would not have gone with the shoulder kick. I would have gone with the donkey kick, man. Because A, it's more fun. B, you're not going to hurt yourself. Yeah, you're also half my size. Good point.
Speaker: So like this region of my body is probably three times the size of your shoulder area. My torso? Yeah. So for me to go, boom, is like, no, then. It's like me going.
Speaker: Yeah. And literally that was the effort I put into it. I just went boom and a whole fucking door. I look back at the kids and I was like.
Speaker: Well, that was easier than I thought it was. And your kids were viewing, let's really not piss this man off. Remember, this shoulder is connected to the tax man. What you should have done is like, girls record this and send it to your boyfriend.
Speaker: See? Well, gotta go do it again. Be right back. I think we should break up. That scares me. One of my other daughters, I seen her at the football game Friday night. I've reset stage, I guess, with having kids.
Speaker: where all their friends call me dad. Right. Community dad. Yeah. So one of my, my oldest one, one of her best friends, she's got this new little boyfriend and they were walking to the football game as I was parking and I got out of the car and she see me and she went, I said, don't you try to hide from me. I see you. I went over there and I was like, you know, I wasn't even going to embarrass you. I wasn't even going to do anything. But now
Speaker: Yeah, try whatever. And I was like, who's this little sumbitch? And he was like, hey sir, how you doing? Whatever the hell his name is. I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah. She's like, stop it, dad. And he was like, this is your dad? Wait a minute. And she's like, this is my other dad. And I was like, yeah, I'm her dad. Deal with it.
Speaker: He was like, I just fell on that here, dad. Wait a minute. What's going on? One of my coworkers told me that her daughter, she's a single mom and her daughter brought her home with her first boyfriend. And I was like, did you do the shotgun trick? She's like, what's the shotgun trick? I said, okay, the next time you meet this kid, what do you need to do between now and then, go to Home Depot, buy one shotgun shell.
Speaker: When he shows up, you toss it at him and say, his bunnies move faster at 11. Guaranteed he's got her home by 10 .30 every night. Wow. And she's like, oh, I'm going to do that. That never worked on me. Well, I also, like when my daughter brings home a boy, I also want to do the cleaning, the shotgun. I didn't do that either.
Speaker: Oh, I'm totally going to do it. Austin's first boyfriend, when he shook my hand, I just squeezed real hard and I was like, that's only 25 % effort, just so you know. I'm actually, since I'm, since in Mexico, I can't own a gun. I'm going to have the kid to shove them like, Hey, dig a small hole. I want to see how long it will take you to dig your own grave. The last boyfriend, the last boyfriend she had, he can't come over here. They were on the phone or something.
Speaker: And I was like, hey, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. He was like, what's that? I said, whatever you do to her, I'm gonna do to you. And he was like, wait, what? I'm like, that's right. Whatever you do. And then you look at him and go, I likes the boys. I was like, if you think about it, I'm still gonna do it. So don't even think about it. But he was actually pretty decent up until they broke up. He was actually a little smart ass like me.
Speaker: You know, I was like, I don't think I could be friend. My daughter, my daughter's. I've discovered that I know what I was thinking when I was. Yeah, but I've discovered you get so much farther if you don't act like a fucking worried raging jack. I don't ever see myself being that guy, but I'm going to threaten to kill you. You know, I drove her out of bus balls with him, but you know, at the same time. Okay. And again, I also have an advantage on you, Jeffrey. I'm not three foot tall.
Speaker: I have a bit of a, much like Tony. I'm like dynamite. But I make a big boom. Much like Tony, we have naturally intimidating statures. So you have to be a little extra and a little more crazy. Actually, I have the best advantage out of all three of us when it comes to boyfriends. As a white guy living in Mexico, I can literally tell a kid, I'm wanted by the cops. And they were like, oh shit.
Speaker: Or he won't understand what the fuck you just said because he speaks Spanish. You're talking to him in English. Or I can have my wife tell him. And then later that night, he said he'd be doing horrible things. Yeah, that ain't going to happen. So you're going to threaten the wrong child down there? And you're going to wake up with more than one. Remember what you told my son last night?
Speaker: You guys will wake up in 35 trash bags right across the border. Apparently my dogs are extremely vicious because my dog got out today while we were at IOP and my neighbor couldn't get out of her house because the dog wouldn't let her out. So once again, my dogs are extremely vicious. I don't see anything vicious about your dogs.
Speaker: I don't either. I think I got their fucking pussies. But apparently they don't know you. Looks like their owner. Order your ass. Fuck you. I am what I eat. That's why you are an asshole. God damn it. 25 years and you still haven't learned how quick I am.
Speaker: That's all right. Chris is what he is. That's why he's a dick. Wow. Yeah, see? You got to have a healthy balance of dick in your life. Well, we know you don't. You got to get it somewhere, right? Yeah. What are you going to do? I think Vision said it best. I'm terribly well balanced.
Speaker: It's 2022. You're not allowed to judge me. And I'm a part of the alphabet warrior community as I've come out. And I am a part of the alphabet warrior community as I've come out trans, trans dinosaur. I identify as a T -Rex. I still identify as a raccoon.
Speaker: Cause identify problems if they come my way. Just keep them around and let them hang out and let them linger and continue to cause problems. And say, you kind of look so many platforms. I know it's true. You don't look for them, but you don't try to actively get rid of them either. I do. I was going to have you list the active platforms you're on, but it's only a three hour show.
Speaker: I'm trying to figure out which list would be shorter. Tony's list of platforms he's on or Kevin Hawley's list of jobs he's had.
Speaker: Kevin does, I love him. Kevin does, I love him. Kevin's going to break for 45 minutes first. Yeah. I saw him. He's working on your studio. I did see that. No, he's nice. Well, he actually, for the longest time, he was renting out an office space. For the longest time. For the longest time. For the longest time. Sorry. This is the second long hour. No. It was pretty cool. Yeah, I know, right?
Speaker: um and he had a cool little space um wasn't big or anything like that and it sucked if it didn't suck but it was difficult if you had too many like the time i went down yeah like the time i went down there uh i think we had like eight people in the studio and it was just yeah he's got a lot of shit yeah he's got a lot of shit
Speaker: So he gave up that office for whatever reason. I think something happened with the building or whatever. But he set it up in his dining room area, which is what he never wanted to do. He didn't want to have the studio set up in the house. But I told him once he got it done, I was like, dude, it looks so much better and so much cooler at your house.
Speaker: because he's got the lights and then everything like that. And this and the other thing, it looks so much better. And on top of it, on top of it, whether he realizes it or not, he may not, he, he seems so much more relaxed and so much more comfortable. So, you know, like I was worried about paying the bills for the building. Well, I mean, not only that, but I mean, you're, I mean, I would love to personally get to a point where I can
Speaker: you know, if I don't have a space at my house or whatever, rent out a small area, and run it, I would love to get to that point, but there's a comfortable, there's a comfortable, a comfortable, comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable, a comfortable,
Speaker: But when you're in your own home, you're in your own environment, you know what I mean? Like, you can, like, you know, if you want to, you know, if you want to drink or if you smoke or smoke, nice Tony.
Speaker: Yeah, Tony is on fire tonight with it. I know I told him last week, I was like, you know, you can make better. She's like, what? I was like, dude, you can basically do everything I can do because you logged in. That day we had everybody up here. I was knocking them out left and right. I put up like seven, right? Since you just logged into the account, I gave Tony the admin seat that you used to have, but basically gives him access to everything.
Speaker: Right. But, you know, yeah, like I said, you're more to use. Plus, you know, if you're drinking during the show or if you smoke, you know, like if you if you do a podcast or you do a show and you like to smoke or you like to drink or whatever, you don't have to leave when you're done. So you can just rock and roll. You know what I mean? And then you got everything. Yeah. You got everything you need.
Speaker: But no, he does have a very nice in -home studio. I can't wait to see it in person. I'm looking at a building, an office building to buy. And I was thinking one of the offices in it turned into my office. So I actually have to leave the house to actually go to work. And then I can stay on Wednesdays and ride over there on Saturdays to do the podcast. But I don't know if I want to do it. I might just build a studio.
Speaker: You won't leave the bathroom. No, I'm building a bigger office. You're going to buy an office with a building with the bathroom. So you can just. Yeah. It's like go to the bathroom and do my thing. No, cause I, I. You're automatic cause you never get out that chair. I like my desk, but I wish my desk. You don't make shoots from here up because he never wears pants. Cause he's always sitting on the back. I'm not wearing pants right now. Neither am I.
Speaker: Tony's like, I'm a tree. Tony's like, I'm a tree. Crackers. Stand up. Stand up. Stay there, pokies.
Speaker: No, I wouldn't, when the show started, I was still soaked in sweat from the gym because I came home, changed real quick, ran to the gym, got my workout in, stopped and bought beer and I came home and I'm still just like, why am I still fucking so sweaty? Fuck it, I gotta start the show. I didn't even get a chance to change anything. I'm just sitting in my own stank, letting my pheromones release. You smell yourself. You're gonna feel good something like that, didn't you? Yeah?
Speaker: Oh, yeah. Because I know it bothers you because the weirdest things bother you and disturb you. What's wrong with man stink? Tony? What's wrong with man stink? It shows you've done something
Speaker: I don't need to hear this shit. No, I'll tell you what. Speaking of man stink, I painted that kitchen yesterday. I bought that electric paint gun and that thing, oh my gosh, the best hundred bucks I've ever spent because you don't have to dilute the paint, nothing. You just put the paint in the canister, pull the trigger and it rocks. And I painted the kitchen in like 25, 30 minutes where normally it would take like four hours. Oh. Brilliant.
Speaker: Side note, Tony Deaton, I got a bone to pick with you, Harlem Heat. Uh -oh. You've got us in trouble on YouTube.
Speaker: The whole of his song, dude? Yeah. From like five episodes back, I just got an email yesterday. They muted a portion of our broadcast in some countries because copyright infringement. And I was like, what the hell did we play that we got copyrighted on YouTube? And then I was reading the email and it was like WWE.
Speaker: Harlem heat zero three and I was like son of a bitch YouTube bunch when it comes to stuff like that So it didn't get they only muted a piece of the bro because we're not on YouTube right now I noticed oh shit. We're not on YouTube. Oh
Speaker: Facebook, Twitch, and Twitter. Facebook, Twitch, and Twitter. Oh, why are we on Facebook, Twitch, and Twitter? I don't know. That's on me, actually. Go ahead and drop that down. Yeah, see, we can't fix that. Well, we like to keep everything on YouTube so people can watch the replay on YouTube. Yeah. Agreed. Why are we not on YouTube? That's on me. Of course, you can send stuff to YouTube so you can still send it to the YouTube channel. Yeah, that's my fault. That's my fault. No, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker: No, because like when we first switched to stream to what I think I had to move when we actually started our channel, we started our YouTube channel. It took four days for me to move everything from my YouTube channel to our YouTube channel. It took forever.
Speaker: But you can still move videos over there. I got to figure out how to move videos. Where on YouTube? I'm from YouTube. I could do it. I have a YouTube downloader, Chris. What's going on, YouTube? Sorry about that. Sorry. I was wondering where some of the usual suspects were. That's on me. I accidentally clicked Facebook, Twitter, and Twitch, and not YouTube. So that's on me. But we're on YouTube now. So if you're watching on YouTube,
Speaker: and you're watching the replay and you're and you're like why why why are we just jumping into where's the opening credits where's the opening don't worry don't worry just go to spotify and listen to the first 45 minutes where you go first 46 minutes go spotify anyways yeah i fucked up i fucked up i said that from the jump street i fucked up actually you guys didn't tell me you guys didn't tell me it was obviously honestly honestly i didn't know you fucked up i didn't fuck up
Speaker: but it's your show exactly it is my show and i do do everything that means i can cast a blame on youtube because you want to know why being the king sitting upon my throne for my show shit runs downhill
Speaker: I tried to I tried to take credit for my fault. I tried to say I was my bad I tried to say I was sorry, but no use you want to keep pushing me So now fucking it's your fault. It's your whole shit runs down the hill thing It's I called being in the plumber because plumbers have two rules paydays on Friday and shit rolls downhill so
Speaker: Like I told I was training. Oh, shit. What's up? Were we blowing up? No fucking way. What? Why not?
Speaker: a musician that I reached out to a while back. Yeah. Just hit me up on our Instagram account and said, hey, I've got some unreleased songs. I would love to send them to you. What's your email? Fuck yeah. So that literally just happened live on the show. Nice. So I'm texting you back right now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Send them the email.
Speaker: Breaking news, new music coming soon. I see you added a bunch of music too. That's cool too. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause we've got Rum Springer and uh, I want to hear that. I'm right. I already planned on playing it. That looks good. They did a really, they did a really good job with it. Uh, I'm actually, that was what I was going to, because I didn't have time to download new music tonight. Right. Um, so I, um,
Speaker: was going to do the Rum Springer, Rebel Yale, and then one of the Blend songs that I have on there. Those guys are awesome. I'm actually... I'm assuming that's a Billy the Idol cover. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And I love that, Billy Ottles. I love that song. So it's on my Spotify list. But... And so I'm curious to hear the cover.
Speaker: No, this is a country guy. This is a country guy. Even better. That just hit me up on Instagram. Oh, sweet. But he's got some badass songs.
Speaker: That's the nonsensical nonsense drinking game, you know that, right? Every time Chris says bottom or we all repeat ourselves multiple times, people haven't taken a drink.
Speaker: With that being said, Tony says big ups, you know, all these different things that you have to drink when you hear that. We're going to get some people fucking liver poisoning.
Speaker: Come on, pussies, man up. No, um, no, so, you know, I actually, um, I was, I'm trying to look at like my schedule and, and stuff like that. Cause I was, I was trying to keep an eye out for, uh, rum spring and blend to see where they're going to be and stuff like that. I'd love to go check them out again. And maybe.
Speaker: see some other bands that they're with, right? Just to add to. Add to the repertoire. Add to our rotation, you know, before we know it. And like I said, at this point, Blacktop Mojo is always going to be, that's going to be our guys. They were the first ones to roll with us without a second thought. So they're going to. Episode three.
Speaker: Yeah, they're gonna end the show. Every episode, we're gonna end with Saturdays is Wicked Woman, Mondays is Whatever I Pull Out of My Ass, and basically same with Wednesday for the most part. I haven't heard that song. Whatever I Pull Out of My Ass? Yeah, I haven't heard that one yet. I'll send it to you. I don't think I want to. That's Tony's theme song. Whatever I pull out of my ass. Nine times out of ten, it's about Chi Chi.
Speaker: We're going on another deep dive tonight. We're going on a trip. It's all about raising the uncomfortability level. It's all about being uncomfortable.
Speaker: Are you uncomfortable turning? That is the job. Nauseated. Poor guy. Somebody else was not getting it the other night. So, they throwing a book at R. Kelly's ass. I just saw the news alert. Yeah, they are. He just got six charges of child pornography. He's dead up in jail.
Speaker: Somebody gonna kill his ass in prison. He ain't got stabbed or punched or something. Well, did you hear, did you hear what, I don't know if you guys talked about it, cause I didn't catch up, but. Yes, the queen died. No, no, why don't I wait. Well, when you turn a hundred in the UK, the queen would send you a handwritten letter. Well, now the prince sends the 12 year old text message.
Speaker: Have you seen the hashtag that's trending on Twitter from the UK? No, what is? Hashtag not my king.
Speaker: Well, if you have, if you have nice, when I, when I uploaded, uh, episode yesterday, cause I had to get, uh, I had to get a Saturday and Wednesdays out, but I posted Saturdays episode on the Twitter and stuff like that. And I was like, not my King is trending quick.
Speaker: Gotta use hashtags through your event. I tell you guys that all the time. Like when you make TikTok videos. One ever said technically is not your king, so it's okay. No, not my king. We don't kick their asses. Yeah. But. I say, I say I spoke to you. I mean, nothing would be done, but we're not ready. You are the king. I'll be back. Did you know? That you never leave. I did find out that throughout her reign,
Speaker: The queen gave herself non -taxed $53 million.
Speaker: No, no, it doesn't make sense when you you would do this. But Tony, here's the point. She's the queen. Does she really need money? No, because anything she needs is already there. She just says, hey, I need a fucking sandwich. Only in London. That is exactly that is exactly what I said when Tony was talking about how rich they were. I'm like, what do you mean you're rich? But any who. Yeah, I mean. The queen of England.
Speaker: Makes $380 million a day in interest. Right. Well, what the hell is she going to do with it? What's she going to do with it? She's never going to make it. I just want to holler at her son. I'm hoping I'm in her will. I don't know why, but I don't know why I'd be in there. Maybe because I'm awesome. Did you know? No. What? No, I didn't. Tony and Jeff, it's time to go to break. Excellent. So we're going to play a little run, Springer.
Speaker: Yeah. Got their cover of rebel yell. Check out all social media and YouTube.
Speaker: And YouTube, go show these guys some of their local artists here in Ohio, and they fucking kick ass. A lead singer is the second coming of David Lee Roth. And if you don't know who David Lee Roth is, one of two things. You're too young for the show. You're super young, or you listen to shitty music. Those are your options. But we'll be back here in just a few minutes. And it is Wednesday. So gentlemen, are you ready for more cryptids? Oh, definitely.
Speaker: I got more cryptids for you when we come back from break. We'll be back here just a few minutes. Enjoy a little room springer with rebel yell in the midnight hour.
Speaker: came dancing to my floor last night a little angel came pumping across my floor she said come on baby got a license for love and if she expires girl you're out from out far off because in the midnight hour she got more more more with a rebel yeah
Speaker: She laid out baby for one more morning With a rebel yell, she cried more, more, more for one more morning She don't like slavery, she won't sit and breathe But when I'm tired and lonely, she sees me to my feet
Speaker: What set you free and brought you to me, baby? What set you free and need to hear about me? Because in the midnight hour, she cried more, more, more With a rebel yell, she cried more
Speaker: So he takes it to go from the 7 I'll have been Well he's out all night to collect the fear Just alone, just so long it don't mess up his head
Speaker: The world with you, babe 8 ,000 miles with you I drive your keys of pain, babe 8 ,000 times for you I tell my soul and have none, babe For money to burn with you
Speaker: I'll give you all and have none, babe Just there, just there, just there
Speaker: Yeah! Well, Rums spring out with their cover of Rebel Yale by Billy Idol. You gotta love that shit if it don't get you fucking pumped up. Well, then you're fucking dead. Clearly. You ain't got no pulse. You ain't got no heartbeat. Nothing. You dead. Or you just suck at life.
Speaker: either way. We'll go ahead and check out our guys Rum Springer on YouTube and all social media at Rum Springer underscore lab. Go show them some love. These kids are busting their ass doing this rock and roll thing and and have a ball. So, go support them. Show them some love. Let them know we sent you.
Speaker: and while you're checking them out, go ahead and check those out too. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. You can find us there and you can also join us live every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. We get to show kicked off at 6 PM on YouTube and Twitch when I don't fuck things up and not put it on YouTube, but we're on YouTube right now. So we're back, baby. We're back, baby.
Speaker: So, and if you can't join us live, don't worry. That's okay. We got you covered. You can listen to us anytime you like, however you want, wherever you want on Spotify and wherever you listen to podcasts at, like Apple podcast, Google podcasts, all of these other weird podcasts in places, we're there.
Speaker: So, we got plenty of places to find us. All you gotta do is go to your little Google box, S series dirty little whore ass. Give us nonsensical nonsense podcast. We're gonna pop up or just go to your social medias and click in nonsensical nonsense podcast and give us a like and if you be so kind, give us a listen and if you like what you hear, give us a share. Smoke, you got an invite in your box if you wanna join.
Speaker: I can't wait for Click to be in my box. Smoke's in my box too. It's fantastic. Well, Ebony and I have reaction. Jungle fever. Whatever you want to call it.
Speaker: easy. Calm down there crying game. Nobody asked for your input. That was a horrific scene. Chocolate vanilla swirl if you will. Did you know I'm a champ?
Speaker: Did you know? Fun fact, gentlemen, did you know I'm the champ? No, I haven't heard. I've been on her rock for the past six months. Well, speaking of fun facts, gentlemen, I know this is cheesy. I know it's corny. I need to, I need to fix it and make it better. It is what it is. You know what? I got a lot of other things going on here.
Speaker: Maybe one of you two could take an initiative and do something. Good. You sound like your breath stinks.
Speaker: well considering uh oh that's because he's been he's been hanging out in smoke's box i was gonna i was gonna i was gonna make out your mom that's what he says to smoke i saw that gym teacher on scary movie keep it up
Speaker: Smokes box is refreshing, by the way. It's like a tic -tac. Well, we are going to jump back into cryptids like we did last Wednesday night. And I got one for you, gentlemen. We've all seen the movie Trimmers, right? Yes, I love that. We've seen the sandworms or whatever you want to call them. We've seen Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice is scared to death of the sandworms. But did you know
Speaker: that they may be a real creature, may or may not be a real creature. The Mongolian death worm. See, this is why I never leave my fucking house. Yeah, the Mongolian death worm found in Asia's massive Gobi Desert. The death worm is said to be reddish in color and measures anywhere from two to five feet in length. That's what she said.
Speaker: That was too easy. Statements never uttered in the presence of Jeffrey. Words never used in front of Jeffrey, unless they were talking about some French guy. They are also known as the intestine worm because it supposedly resembles the cow intestine.
Speaker: The death worm is legendary among the nomadic tribes of the region and has even been blamed for several deaths. It is said that the worm moves beneath the desert sands only to surface to attack its victims, unsuspecting victims.
Speaker: Jim, that thing is for real. Look at this little thing. Fuck you. I am out. You fuckers wonder why I never leave my office. Why I never, I keep a little happy ass in the house. This is why it's shit like this. Yeah. It's, it's said that, it's said that it, um, that's how Eric kills their victims by spitting venom or some kind of venom at them or acid.
Speaker: The worm also has been said to possess the ability to emit an electric charge. And some have credited it to psychic powers saying it can kill a person just by looking at them. They're all bigger than you. Well, that's the problem.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, I would if I had to. Yeah. I was going to say, I was going to say, yeah, I would go full on trippers. Remember when they had the remote control cars with the drivers too.
Speaker: No, I'm not actively looking for a death worm to fight, but if I came across the death worm and it needed a good fighting, I'm gonna give it a fight. I'm going out to the Gobi Desert. I'm taking a fucking remote control car and some C4. Yeah, exactly. Come on with me. It said in the early 90s, an expedition was mounted to interview locals and try to search for the Mongolian death worm, but it uncovered no evidence beyond stories
Speaker: And even these were only said to arise after the nomads consumed hefty amounts of local vodka.
Speaker: So apparently it was their buddy's dick and they were like, it's a worm. That's that bullshit. It can look at you and kill you with psychic powers. No, here's the thing. What's the thing, Jess? A bunch of people drink around a campfire, no fucking nowhere. Somebody's telling a story and the buddy goes out to take a piss. And the other guy shoots him with a taser and he's like,
Speaker: No, I don't think it is. I think it boils down to because the creature, there is a type of creature like this. The creature is real. But I think it comes down to, and anybody who's ever gone fishing,
Speaker: You all know. You come back and you tell your fishermen stories. I caught a bass that was this fucking big, and he put up a fight. But I whirled him in all on my own. And just as I was getting ready to get him to the boat, the line snapped. Yep, exactly. But in all actuality, it was a bass that was about 12 -inch long bass. And I think that's
Speaker: If it's not real, if it doesn't exist, I think there was some type of species that was similar to that, again, the exaggeration. And again, we go back to last month when we was talking about urban legends.
Speaker: You know, urban legends, even though based in truth, when you play the game of telephone, and you go down the line, it changes a little bit to every person. Yeah, because everybody wants to make their stories scarier than the last one. So the Mongolian death worm was probably no bigger than, and again, I'm saying, if it does exist, if it does exist, it may or may not have been no bigger than an earthworm. But as the years progress,
Speaker: It's like, you know, you're in bed with your woman, like, careful, the Mongolian death worm is going to get you. That's a terrible name for your penis. That's why she went to Europe because of shit like that.
Speaker: I'm glad Tony said it because I was thinking it, I was trying to behave. It's a cultural thing. Depending on where you are, what you name your penis is different, you know, you want to be intimidating. Okay, first and foremost, I don't think anywhere on this planet, any sane male human being is going to name his penis the Mongolian Death Worm. And another thing,
Speaker: I don't think anybody is really naming their penis anything intimidating. It's Thor. You know, it's the God of Thunder. It's not lethal, but it's like impactful.
Speaker: Jeff, if anything, you should just come with a slogan. You came to come in 30 seconds or less, and you will be unsatisfied. 30 seconds? Who the fuck lasts 30 seconds? Oh my God. That's why I said 30 seconds or less. You're a champ. Jesus Christ. Only you two can turn. What the fuck do you want to be there?
Speaker: sound a good name for a penis either. That sounds a little rapey. Calm down, R. Kelly. My genitals earth went in fire but that didn't sound rapey. The temptations walked. The Rolling Stones worked. The Commodores? Yes. The Commodores. Just call mine little buddy.
Speaker: I mean, I lived out there long enough, so I was called the Alabama Slammer one time, so you know. Yeah, talking to the mirror doesn't count. What? You know what? I'm going to be the only one that's going to be the only one honest. The mirror tells you that it's not my fault. You are on something if the mirror is talking about it. I'm going to be the only one that's honest out of the internet. You want to do a bit of old bullshit. I don't want to do it. Oh, no. I'm being honest. At the end of the day,
Speaker: I'm not carrying I'm not carrying a shotgun. I'm carrying a pistol with that Buddy Mary fuck around she can meet my little buddy
Speaker: I don't know if he really has a name. I just call him little buddy. Hey little buddy. I don't know if he has a name. I've never asked him. I mean, we're close. Hey, what's your name? If he talks back, this shit is over. I mean, we're really close, but we're not on a first name basis close. Like, you're usually, you know, I, you know, being like, you gotta be funny, or, you know, I just think you're in your old age. I just think you're in a warm target.
Speaker: Tony D and the rest of the listening audience, let me introduce you to a funny -ass comedian by the name of Rodney Kang. I don't think they like you anymore. You used to watch me shave. All you do is stare at the floor.
Speaker: And he said, and he said, dear Rodney, I don't think I like you anymore. It used to be you and me if they were back in a dirty bag. That's all we needed to get by.
Speaker: If we could put our heads together, we'd just stay home forever. Actually, I will have it downloaded and pulled up for Saturday night. Well, so Chris, I would not want to hear the damn story. The places I've never been before. You may not want to hear the song, but you're going to hear the song. It's on my Spotify list.
Speaker: Oh, I have a ton of I have a ton of Randy Kingston. I have all his uh you need to send Tony the link for show them to me because that is a song for any guy. It's a good song. It's about titties. It's about titties. Okay. Okay. And show them to me and it I don't know Chris. I don't know if you've seen the video live at majestic. Oh yeah. Oh shit.
Speaker: That first chick that stands up as Rodney says, I'd like to shake your daddy's hand. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, let's get back on something. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Speaker: I should have known better. I should have known better. Any stories do is worth it. It was going to turn into a penis conversation between you two. You should have known better. I should have. We're 170 episodes in, Chris. Come on. We'll see. We'll see if I can bring it back. We're going to talk about our kicks, period.
Speaker: Hey, the deep dives are supposed to be thought provoking and bring up conversation. And it brought up a conversation that went way the fuck left the center. Because it didn't go where you wanted it to go. That's on you. There's no map to this journey that we are on. We are just on this journey together. Where we go is where we end up. It lights up off 100 miles an hour at midnight. We're ready to rock. We got road pop.
Speaker: road colas whatever you want to call them if you don't know what those are those are beers when you're driving yes we got road sodas whatever you want to call it we got a whole cooler full of them got the headlights turned off and probably with our eyes closed yeah eyes closed to 150 miles an hour that's what happens happens anywho coming up next on the list and i feel like this can
Speaker: Take it right back up where we... Thunderbirds! Tony's background says you shouldn't drink and drive, but... No, it says you snooze, you lose. Don't drive drowsy. As we, yes, but it's, you know, what happens when you drink too much, Chris? You start to get drowsy. So... No, I want to drink more. We're not condoning drinking and driving, but, you know, I do have a road beer. Have a road beer, or 12. Yes. I have a road cooler.
Speaker: I'm a rogue king. I'm a rogue king. Get in the car pulley. Put a hat on it. Throw your cowboy hat on it and go to town. Anyways, I got another one for you and it's probably not a good one to bring up considering the last topic of conversation, but the Thunderbirds.
Speaker: It's a blanket term for, you know, that was Thundercats first and foremost. No, Thunderbirds was a thing. Tony, back me up. You know, I know you know the Thunderbirds. The Thunderbirds are the fighter just the air forces for the air shows. That I know, but there was a Thunderbirds cartoon or live action. It was an old school, half claymation, half puppet TV show, yes. See?
Speaker: Even Tony is disgusted by you right now. Anyways, Thunderbirds is a blanket term for impossibly huge birds that frequently spotted across North America and known as rocks, R -O -C -S, in Europe and Asia. These massive creatures
Speaker: are said to have wingspans as big as 14 feet and at least one story from the 70s describes two not one but two thunderbirds attacking a group of young boys and lifting one of them off the ground the thunderbirds are frequently compared to the mythical native american creature of the same name
Speaker: a bird that was said to have supernatural power to create thunder by flapping its wings. Perhaps the most famous story of the cryptid version dates back to 1890 when it is said that two cowboys killed a lizard -like winged creature. And you can actually look up pictures of, there are pictures of this creature. He's on Google. Yeah. And it kind of looks like a pterodactyl.
Speaker: but you can actually look it up. It's a lizard -like wind creature and dragged its corpse back to town. But the story has been dismissed as an urban legend. Again, we're going to go back to the urban legends for their part, ornithologists and other scientists. Yeah, how do you like that? I can't say part, but I can say ornithologist.
Speaker: Yeah, go figure. Yeah, exactly. And other scientists say that such creatures could not survive in the modern ecosystem. And even if they could, they would be spotted and photographed by birdwatchers and the pictures afraid. Yeah, it looks like a pterodactyl. How the hell did they fake that in the 1890s? That is Sauron from X -Men. I don't give a fuck what nobody says.
Speaker: this motherfucker said we said pterodactyl and this motherfucker pulls a comic book reference yeah you're a fucking nerd you're a fucking nerd no one likes you boy no one likes you
Speaker: Ridiculous. I love it. I was going to cut it off really, but I was like, Susie says, boy, next to everyone. It's almost over by that way. No, so. You know, that picture, you can't pick that picture. It doesn't look like cardboard. No.
Speaker: No, aren't there? I mean, that looks like a crane. I don't know if you guys have big ass cranes or anything like that down there in Cancun. I know when I lived in Charleston. They do some of the parks. Out in the wild. When I lived in Charleston, I lived on the coast. So we had some stupid ass monstrous crane like creatures.
Speaker: And they're just native down there. They're taking little boy, little kids off. No, exactly. I mean, like these sons of bitches are taller than I am. You know what I mean? So I can only imagine that wingspan is massive. But once again, you guys complain why I never leave my house. This is the shit why I don't leave my house. This is why I don't go in the ocean because of jobs. I can only hope a giant crane swoops down and carries you off.
Speaker: Just just record it So I'm hanging from But no, I mean Again, I tend to believe with you know what they said that in that in that little snippet of a story if those creatures existed a
Speaker: Yeah, I think the ecosystem could sustain them because they would just eat shit like elephant. If they were carnivores, they would just eat shit like elephants or
Speaker: know buffalo or mousses or whatever small children's small jeffries you know small human beings in general you know they would just kind of do whatever they wanted but or if they were if they were not if they were if they weren't uh if they weren't carnivores yeah if they're herbivores then they would just go hang out in the rainforest and there's plenty of vegetation for them to eat yeah
Speaker: or would it, you know, the forest in America, these national forests, there's plenty of vegetation for a monstrous creature to eat. My thing is, with how many people in the world bird watch?
Speaker: Exactly. That's what I was going to say. Will and do. Yeah, no, a lot of people really do. And that's exactly where I was going to go with that is, again, that's where I have a tendency to agree. If they did exist, if they were a real thing, then we should have more pictures. There's plenty of birdwatchers out there at the end of the day. And, you know, that somebody's going to see something. Somebody's going to have a good picture. Somebody's going to have good video. There's going to be proof of them.
Speaker: Well. And also, and also, how many, how many. Here's the thing though, with that Chris, with that statement, what you just said, if it's a real thing, why aren't there more pictures? I could say the same thing about Bigfoot. I mean, I have videos. He's right here in front of me. Yeah, I was going to say, three times a week, there's a Bigfoot on the screen. But, I mean, it kind of goes along the same lines. The difference is, this thing fucking flies. Bigfoot's elusive. He's like a ninja. He ain't got time for nobody.
Speaker: Maybe these birds are just flightless. Yeah, but the stories go that they fly. And I mean, I mean, but again, but again, but again, you know, before, you know, and the stories date back to the 1800s. Right. There was a lot more vegetation. So, well, not only that, but how many times did somebody see, I mean, how many times did somebody see a giant, you know, big ass turkey vulture?
Speaker: But we usually hide, they're big ass birds and they've got a stupid wingspan on them. How many times did somebody see some kind of crane or crane type bird and they just didn't know what it was? So they're like, oh my God, it's a Lunderbird. And again, the story is passed down. Then you got the guy out in the middle of nowhere, he's hungry, he sees a giant bird, he fucking shoots it and eats it. And he eats for a week. So there is that too.
Speaker: I mean, he's just like, fuck it. It's a bird. I'm going to eat. So the, the, the, the, the couple that I brought to you tonight, the few that I brought to you so far, I don't necessarily, myself, I don't believe it. I feel like they, these are the game of telephone. Right. And I'll,
Speaker: or in the Thunderbirds case, I think it's a misclassification. It's a regular, it's a crane, or it's a turkey vulture, or it's a buzzard. Oh, Lee's. That was right outside my window. That was creepy. That's why I'm Thunderbirds coming knocking on your fucking door.
Speaker: We're hunting stupid people
Speaker: It would not surprise me if it was pops. We're just sitting here waiting. I'm so small enough to move.
Speaker: I mean, I ain't far as good, but I can't run that far. I know I can't run that far. I can barely run down my stairs without losing breath. My wife did announce when she got home that I'm becoming overweight and I need to go to the gym. I was like, yeah, I don't really have an argument there. She really wants to see you as you're becoming lazy to get the fuck out of the house. That's pretty much what she said.
Speaker: I don't know what the hell that was, but that was shit was like right outside. I saw he took your piece with you. Yeah, hell yeah. We paused and listened to see if we could hear gunshots. Hell yeah, I'm not sticking my head out the window looking to see if somebody's out there shooting, and I'll be able to shoot back. Are you out your fucking mind? You got a gun, tough guy. Take your hands up, man. What the fuck going on? I did. I saw he took it with him. I thought whatever. He was the one without your gun.
Speaker: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That's like bringing a knife to a gunfight. You know somebody has a gun and you walk up to a knife. Yeah, I'm a real man. I didn't bring a gun. Say that to Dom Jane. Dom Jane took that dude out and punisher when he was like, a knife to a gunfight and he shot that fucking Swiss blade across him. He said, punisher. Bro. Yes. Damn good moment. I love that moment. You're the fucking nurse.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm telling you, watch the movies. They're fucking hilarious. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I have no desire. Not even anywhere remotely on my list of movies I want to watch. The second one is not great, although that clip is from the second one. The first one is way better. Yeah, so anyways, as I was saying before, we were so rudely interrupted by
Speaker: fucking modern warfare outside my window. Yeah. Yeah. So the Thunderbirds, like I said, I think the Thunderbirds ultimately come down to a misclassification. Somebody's seeing something that they weren't used to seeing. And then the stories are just passed out. And, you know,
Speaker: You know, even in the incident in the 1970s, where supposedly a group of boys were attacked, I think that was just a group of boys that were out doing something they weren't supposed to be doing, and made up a crazy ass story. Made up a crazy ass story. They lied because they were doing something they weren't supposed to do. And one of them fell and hurt himself. He's like, oh, it's a fucking bird attacks us. Yeah, we got attacked by thunderbirds.
Speaker: I don't know, I'm just, the worm thing, you know, based on that there was a like shit ton of pictures, I bet you those things are only about maybe six inches. No, exactly. Like I said, you know, I think there's a variation of that worm that has existed or does exist, but the tall tail has grown, you know,
Speaker: You know, like, you know, you speak of tall tales and that might be another fun deep dive to do later on down the road. You know, Paco spilled, supposedly, lassoed a tornado and rode a tornado. John Henry took on the machine, you know, whatever, you know.
Speaker: You know, this, that, and the other thing. That movie, Tall Tale. I love that movie. It's a good movie. It was actually a good movie. And I like Tall Tales. And I don't want to shit on Tall Tale. I don't want to shit on those. I like those stories. I love the story of John Henry. And it's one of my favorite, like, an inspirational story, you know, especially being a blue collar guy, being a guy who works in trades. Well, I mean, that was basically the concept of John Henry. He was a blue collar guy. And the machine came around.
Speaker: And, uh, yeah, but, um, so, uh, anyways, let's, uh, let's jump back into something, uh, mayor, maybe not a little bit more believable.
Speaker: We talked about Bigfoot last week, and we can't do cryptids. Now, I'm saving. I've got some cryptids, but I'm saving them. I want to get these other ones off the way. You can't talk about Bigfoot and do a cryptid segment or anything like that if you're not going to talk about Bigfoot's cousin.
Speaker: The abominable snowman? The Yeti. The Yeti. Also known as the abominable snowman. And we're not talking about the abominable snowman from Rudolph the red -nosed reindeer, the terrible claymation movie from back in the day. As bad as it is, we still watch it every year. I was thinking the one from Monster's Inc. He's like, you guys like a snow cone? Oh, yeah. That one cranks me up every time.
Speaker: Unbelievable. That movie cracks me up. I love that movie. It comes with a tray. He's got a tray. It's like six snow cones in it. Does he have a yellow snow cone in there or something like that too? I think so. They made a joke about it. But the Yeti is a large ape -like creature that is said to exist in the Himalayans of Nepal and Tibet.
Speaker: The creature is well documented in the, I'm just gonna give this to you guys. There's no way around it. I'm just, it's a give me, have fun with it. The oral history. There's no way around it. Smoking history, smoking history.
Speaker: You can't say words like that around us. I know. It's like opening the door to Pandora's box. As we talked about on the show. Ladies, a little PSA. Men hit 16, and we stop maturing. If we're lucky, we've hit 16 and stop maturing. Most of us stop at like 14. You know. So deal with it. Speaking of Pandora's box, I know a girl on the ice cream named Pandora. Never got to see her box though.
Speaker: that's actually not my joke though i can't i can't i give you credit too where credit students it's us from the movie uh not again anyways
Speaker: Oral history and myths of the local people, but its legend grew as soon as Westerners begin to climb the Himalayan peaks, like Mount Everest. Dating back to the 1800s, a number of climbers have reported seeing large primates walking around on two legs. And even more have discovered impossibly large footprints in the mountain snow.
Speaker: Famed mountaineer Sir Edmund, Sir Edmund Hillary and his Sherpa, Tenzing Norgay reported seeing such footprints during their historic trek up Mount Everest, though both would later deny the Yeti's existence as recently as 1984.
Speaker: An American mountaineer reported being stalked by the creature as he climbed Everest, but he was unable to produce any convincing photographs like most of the more well -known cryptids. The Yeti has given rise to many hoaxes, including a famous piece of film, Bathed by Fox, what up, Bustle River, Bathed by Fox's television show.
Speaker: are faked by a Fox television show. Still though most remain skeptical the Yeti legend has been given an unusual amount of credibility among scientists if only because of the remoteness and the sheer size of the Himalayans has prevented any kind of adequate investigation from being undertaken.
Speaker: you know, going to, you know, being done. And then again, the Yeti is more, you know, back on to, as we discussed last week with Loch Ness and Bigfoot. Well, I mean, it would be easy to explain away, you know, because when you're in the Himalayas, you're not wearing like shorts and a t -shirt, you're wearing, you know,
Speaker: And especially back in the day, you'd be wearing furs and whatever. So, you know, and fur, you know, snow sticks to it. So, you know, I go through the Himalayas and I say, I see Chris walk around with his giant beard covered in snow, his fur coat covered in snow. I'm not going to go, Hey Chris, I'm going to go, fuck, what the fuck is that? You're going to be in my giant beard. One of our favorite, one of our favorite guys, you just made me think of, I'm sorry, sidejack squirrel.
Speaker: Have you seen the hateful eight? I hate that movie. He's like the big mountaineer. That's a good movie. Why do you hate that movie? Big footprints could be snowshoes.
Speaker: But no, like I said, again, the Yeti, the Abominable Snowman, much like, much like Nessie, much like... That Busted Rubber says, I say what the fuck every time I see Chris.
Speaker: Keep it up. Keep it up, Hoss. There's going to come a day. There's going to come a day. There's going to come a time. You're going to catch these hands. You're going to catch them. I swear to God we've been talking about it. I've been saying that for 25 years. We've been saying that for like 10 years, Hoss. You are going to catch these fucking hands one day. I'm telling you. You sexy son of a bitch. Don't think I won't punch you in the mouth.
Speaker: That's that's that's the way to end a fight before it starts. Come here, you sexy son of a bitch. Let me go to the mouth. Also, I talk shit to each other all the time. No, but you know, like I said, II kind of lean more towards the believability factor with the Eddie because I again, like they said in that in that little article,
Speaker: Well, the Himalayas are so massive. Yes, they are. And there's so many. You can't do a helicopter over that area. It's so high. Yeah. Even Mount Everest to this day, yeah, people climb it all the time. But that is, to go to the peak of Mount Everest is, even today and in the modern world that we live in, it's not an easy task.
Speaker: It's not easy by no means. People are buying, trying to climb up that mountain. I still maintain. I still maintain. Anybody that climbs Everest is stupid because. No, people have survived. I get it. I get it. It's a major thing, but it's fucking cold.
Speaker: Well, it's not only that, but when people die up there, you can't bring their bodies down. So they're still bodies all. Yeah, you have to. So that's why I said I lean more towards the believability factor because we can't really explore. We can't really get up into that area and see everything, much like as we talked about.
Speaker: with the Loch Ness Monster. And we started talking about the depths of the ocean and places that we've never explored or never been to because we can't get down there. Same with Bigfoot. Yeah. People wander, wander the woods and natural and forests and stuff like that all the time. But there are certain spots in America to this day that you can't get to in our forest. No. Yeah. Okay. There you are. How could you are?
Speaker: So yeah, you know, I'm more on the, you know, the first two, the, the, the, the, the death worm and, and, and the Thunderbirds. I think there's a fisherman tails, you know, you got the urban legend, you got the telephone, but you know, Yeti. It's a possibility. I wouldn't rule it out. I wouldn't rule it out. If I'm climbing, if I'm, if I'm in the Himalayas, I'm, I'm packing. Period.
Speaker: because well I'm the same way if I'm in the woods like if I'm in the woods I'm in the woods I'm packing. I can go to Walmart and I'm packing. What am I talking about? No but I mean at the end of the day you know it's it's shit like Tony have you seen the people of Walmart? Yeah. Yes I have. There's a whole Facebook page for it. Wow. There's a whole there's a whole website for it. Yes and and it's scary. No. No but I mean like
Speaker: going out into an area of the woods or the jungle or the Himalayas or something like that, a place that hasn't been explored very well, I'm definitely taking heat with me because you don't know if it's Rottweiler, Dog or Bear or Yeti or fucking Chris. And at the end of the day, my first thought is shoot it, we'll find out what it is later.
Speaker: And if it's Chris and a Yeti, or a Bigfoot, or a bear. If it's Chris, make sure you let me in the clip. Because if it's Chris. If it's Chris. If it's Chris, and one of the other three at the same time, just sit back and watch. Because more than likely, I'm going to be fighting them. Just because. Yeah. Oh, no. That one, I'm pulling out my phone. It's like, I've got to get this on video. This would be great for the show.
Speaker: That's going to be the next segment on the show, Glick fights cryptids. There you go. We found the Bigfoot. Glick puts it in the mouth. Chris fights cryptids and Tony has sex with Bloody Harry. Jeff videotapes all.
Speaker: Don't move your head. I'm going to get a picture of her face. I'm going to run into Bigfoot. I'm going to kick him in the dick, hit him with an uppercut, and then offer him a beer. Good hit. You went to Bigfoot to sell a log drink of beer. That was fun, right? That was pretty cool. I wonder how you're doing. Let's go. Let's go kick his ass and have some beer.
Speaker: click click Bigfoot yet he's sitting on a log drinking beer. How's it going guys? Unbelievable. So apparently we're related. Apparently we're all the same. We're family. We should do a 23andMe guys. That'd be cool.
Speaker: I don't know. I just I I want to believe the the whole Yeti. I want to believe the the Bigfoot thing. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You know, the fact that that that that Loch Ness is it's fed by the ocean. You know, there are canals and there are underwater tunnels or whatever that can go right to the ocean. And then travel the whole globe. I'm done. Well, I mean, you can go wherever she wants at the end of the day. At the end of the day, when you think about it, like NASA is tracking that giant fuck off shark and it in 24 hours span, it damn near circled the globe. You've seen that fucker on TikTok.
Speaker: is a toss up. I want to believe it, but I don't want to climb in that water.
Speaker: That fucker's huge. It's a megalodon. They compare it. They compare it. That's the only impression I do. It's a megalodon. It's a megalodon. It's a megalodon. It's very slow. Look, it's bigger than a whale shark. We're just going to cut the shit, OK? Yeah. The whale shark is the biggest kind of one. I've seen whale sharks. I've swam with whale sharks. They're fucking huge. And that thing looked bigger, didn't it?
Speaker: Oh yeah. Well, they compared it to a city bus and it's almost three city buses long. So what I'm hearing... Like, why go on the ocean? What I'm hearing... Because that's just that part of the ocean. God knows what's on the other side. What I'm hearing... That's huge. Right? Pull it up Jeff. Pull it up Jeff. What I'm hearing...
Speaker: is that YouTube dummies believe everything you hear on the internet. And we're going to put you a bearded ass in the water. We're going to say how tough you really are when you're - I'll get that shark right in the nose. Cause that's what I've been told. You boop a shark right in the nose. Yeah, you boop them in the nose, your little boop, and the shark will leave you alone. A tomb raider too.
Speaker: She pops out, she falls off and cracks that fucker in the jaw. And I was like, really? It's a video game movie. This is real fucking life. That's motherfucker. That is what the experts say. If you boop a shark in the nose during the shark attack, the shark will leave you alone. So had Jaws been booped in the nose, then - Let me know when you do it. Let me know how it works out. I'm not actively looking for it. First and foremost, there's a difference between me fighting creatures on land and creatures in the water.
Speaker: All right. I made a huge disadvantage in the water. Jeff can send me a link fast that he can find this fucking video. I know, right? I made a huge disadvantage in the water. Why not? I can find the video. I put the fuck out of here. I'm joking. Pull up on that invite. Damn, it's me and this video. Son of a bitch. Go on. No.
Speaker: Damn, Jeff got every video on the fucking world. He can't find it. Oh, now I see why he can't find it. No, I've never said that one. No, I've seen it. Motherfucker on TikTok. That thing is huge. Yes. I have not seen the video. I'm not even going to lie to you guys, but I've heard the story. I don't know what's going on exactly that I have not seen a video of it yet, but my TikTok algorithm is taking it crazy. The personal algorithm is off.
Speaker: All three of our algorithms are off. This is very true. It's called the Megalodon Project. Megalodon Project. It's a Megalodon. Come on, that's good, guys. Have you not seen the Jason State the Megalodon movie? Oh, I know. It's called The Meg. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was. It was not a good movie. But anyway, that's a good impression for a guy who doesn't do impersonations. That's pretty good. God damn it, where'd you go? I get no credit. I get no love.
Speaker: or smoke it when I need them. Calm down, Rodney Dangerfield. If you don't respect me, I call the school to Holland and hold. Unacceptable, smoke. You gonna take like LaValle Ball off of you. I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell
Speaker: But like I have the I have like where they're tracking one. Yeah, I had that one those swimming next to the damn ship. Yeah, well, there's one not far not far off shore. Exactly. Like, like, I'm talking like 200 meters from short. 200 yards from like two football fields. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Hey man, I can't find this shit. I'm gonna need you to get to work.
Speaker: I'm working on it. You guys both fucking sucked just so you know. Know what? We're showing you some real shit where you got to find a story with a picture of it. We're going to show you the fucking video. You just hold your horses and call them your patootie. Did you just say to call my patootie? Did you just tell me to call my patootie?
Speaker: Hey, I do it now, do it now, now, now
Speaker: Calm your petutee, sir. That was probably the whitest thing you have ever said in your life. No, I didn't call you a bucko. Fuck that. Calm your petutee, bucko. Oh, my God. See, we can still be comical when we do serious songs.
Speaker: Which fun Jeffrey I found a video thought I'm trying to send it copy your send it to Tony I'm Screener screen damn it. No, cuz I can't seriously like my Computer hits this motherfucker do everything on the computer, but share screen
Speaker: We have so many amazing sound bites for this goddamn show, bro.
Speaker: There Tony, I sent you a link to a video. It's a minute. God damn it. If you don't screen share this shit. I can't screen share it. It's on my phone. If I start playing with my guitar it glitches. I gotta buy a better computer. It's satellite photo of the Megalodon. We got about three minutes until break. Good. That's all I need. Yeah. I know you'll be on it Tony. Tony's got that good internet.
Speaker: Yeah. Your laptop's fine. Stop overusing the motherfucker on porn. Stop spending hours looking at
Speaker: It was taken by NASA, and it caused some immediate concern amongst the environmental community. All right, first blush, it looks like a giant oil spill, right? That was the fear, yeah. You know, there's a lot of offshore drilling along the Brazilian coast. Fortunately, though, it turned out to be a swarm of microbes known as marionecta rubra, and they're not hazardous to marine life. Why was this brought to your attention then? Well, during the initial investigation, the agent who was studying the swarm noticed something out in the water.
Speaker: OK, kind of a spec. Yeah, well, at this resolution, it's a spec. When they zoomed in, though, they got this. It's a little fuzzy, but I'd say that's a shark. And not just any shark. If you look at this other satellite photo I brought, it was taken at the same resolution of a school bus yard in nearby Sao Paulo. Now, those are 40 -foot buses. And when you compare them next to the first photo,
Speaker: I'd say that's a 70 foot shark. All right, let's ask his first question here. Do you really think that this is the same animal that was spotted two months earlier on the other side of the ocean at Cape Verde? Well, that's a 3000 mile trip. And, you know, it sounds like a lot but great whites have been tracked going 1500 miles in a month. So for me, motherfucker.
Speaker: Also, sharks are known to revisit old haunts. Great whites, for instance, have been tagged leaving the east coast of the U .S., going on a random winding trip to North Atlantic, and they're turning a year later, almost to the day, to the same spot that they were tagged. So similar behavior from Megalon makes complete sense. If, indeed, this is Megalon. That's huge. 70 -foot fucking shark.
Speaker: How big is a great white? What's the biggest shark? Is a great white the biggest shark? Megalodon is the biggest. No, no. I'm talking about, I'm talking about, I'm talking about alive today right now in the present. I think it's, well... Documented. Technically, it's the whale shark, which is about 40 feet. There you go, Tony. The whale shark is 40 feet, but they are... Oh, I can't meet you. You got to unmute yourself, Tony. They are... Oh, shit. They don't eat.
Speaker: They don't eat meat. Okay, but there's a whale shark. That's a Megalodon tooth next to a grapevine. Yeah, I know. So is a whale shark a whale or is it a shark? It's technically a whale, but it... Okay, so what is the biggest shark? This is the largest animal on the planet. They're technically sharks, but they're the size of a whale.
Speaker: Okay. Okay. So a whale shark is a whale. Yeah. What? No, it's actually a shark. It has the same characteristics as a shark. A whale would have a blowhole.
Speaker: the whale shark does not have a blowhole. What is the largest? The largest is the largest of the whale shark, which has been known to do. According to Smithsonian Ocean, Smithsonian Institution. What did I just say? The largest is the whale shark, which has been known to... I know, we're sitting there having this goddamn debate, and I'm trying to ask a goddamn question of how big the fucking thing is. Oh, 18 meters, 60 feet. 60 feet. 60 feet. So this, they are only saying that the megalodon
Speaker: If this is a real Megalodon, it's only 70 feet. Right. But once again, 70 feet, you see that motherfucker coming at you, you ain't got time to react because that motherfucker's got some power. You don't have time to react if any fucking shark comes at you. Actually, whale sharks are really slow.
Speaker: There's a tour here where you can swim with whale sharks because they come to this area three months out of the year and You can walk on the back of these fuckers. They don't give a shit. Well, the whale shark is the most docile shark I'm gonna say, you know most most from my understanding most shark attacks. I think I like the bull shark. I
Speaker: Yeah, I've swam a bull sharks that they have a they have a aquarium here that you can actually they put you in a tank like your fucking Richard Dreyfus and you can feed the whales feed the bull sharks Okay, I'm gonna be dumb for a minute and I'm just gonna ask this question and we're gonna go to break. Yeah
Speaker: Am I supposed to get that reference and why did you make a Richard? Richard Dreyfus was okay? Okay
Speaker: But yeah, I mean you put you in a cage much like the one Richard drivers pipes and then jaws and you They give you a stick with a fish on it. You stick it out there and the bull shark grabs it breaks the string and you could feel the power of these fuckers and They're not very big. I'd in the tank with you so you don't put your hand outside
Speaker: Because if you put your hand outside, you're going to lose your hand. Exactly. Both sharks aren't very big. But we can continue this. We're going to take a real quick break. We are right up against it.
Speaker: We're taking a real quick break. We got a blend coming up for you guys. Go ahead and check them out on all social media and on YouTube at blend 6 1 4. Again, there's some local, local guys doing what they do. Absolutely crushing it. Amazing group of guys. Super fun. Um, and we will be right back here in just a few minutes.
Speaker: you
Speaker: Please deliver me
Speaker: I didn't come to save the world, I came to watch it burn I don't know where we'll go, I don't know what we could be There's more to this puzzle than the pieces that you see Forgive me, I can't help myself, won't you please deliver me to
Speaker: I've heard it's best to forget And to forget So I forgive myself And forget, forget, forget you and me
Speaker: To the river
Speaker: and just like that, dude, uh, broccoli in. Somebody be loved. Welcome back to non statistical nonsense. We are in the final hour. That was new. New friends of the show. Check them out on all social media. YouTube, all that jazz at blend 614. Gonna show them some love. Let them know we sent you. Again, those guys are doing their thing. Rocking out all over
Speaker: And they are fun to go see. So if you are in Ohio and you get a chance to see blend, definitely I recommend go seeing them myself. I want to go see them again. I got to keep an eye on their schedule and see where they're going to be at and where they're at. So I can go check them out and then hopefully hang out with them a little bit. Speaking of social media.
Speaker: Go ahead and check us out. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Don't forget to join us live Monday, Wednesday, and Saturdays on YouTube and Twitch. And if you can't join us live, don't worry. We got you covered. You can go ahead and listen to us on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts at. Oh, and nonsensical nonsense. So give us a follow, give us a like, give us a listen. And if you like what you hear, go ahead and give us a share. We'd greatly appreciate that. Help us grow. I'm Glick.
Speaker: The voice, the face, the champ of the show. We got Jeff and Tony D hanging out as always. We are the three idiots. We are the three headed monster that makes up nonsensical nonsense.
Speaker: It is what it is. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Hopefully you're enjoying it. Second hour, a little thought -provoking. Third hour. No, I said the second hour was a little thought -provoking. Well, I did a little research. Yeah, I was hoping we were going to do some research. What's going on, Gulf? So the largest Megalodon ever recorded previously was 59 feet. The largest whale shark ever recorded is 41 and a half feet.
Speaker: The second largest shark is called the Basking Shark and its largest is 40 feet. I've never seen it. B -A -S -K -I -N? Correct. K -I -N -G. Basking. What? It's got a huge mouth. Oh, hey, hey, hey. That's a big boy.
Speaker: Now, pretty much with the exception of two, everything's over 10 feet. Make that three. So the black tip reef shark is 6 .6 feet. So it's 6 .62, good, 6 .6. The frilled shark is also 6 .6 maximum. The cookie cutter is about two feet.
Speaker: Chris, you were mentioning the bull shark. The bull sharks go maximum by 11 and a half feet. Yeah, they're not very big sharks. But they're pretty aggressive, though. They don't fuck around. Now the common... Let's go ahead and get to the great whites. Let's go ahead and get to the great whites and cut the crap. That's what everybody's waiting for. The great white... The largest predatory fish. The largest great white ever recorded is 20 feet.
Speaker: 18 to 26 feet in length, they can live 70 plus years. God, no money. That we know of. That's a grown ass man. The shark lives 70 plus years, y 'all. I mean, Chris, you're 6 '6", right? No, I'm 6 '2". OK, well, the frilled shark is the second smallest, and it's still taller than you. Frilled?
Speaker: F -R -I -L -L -E -D. I got it. Thrilled shark. It's got a goofy looking. It looks like it's, whoa, hey. EO light shark. And the black tip, reef shark, is also tall. 25 rows of backward facing, tried it, shaped teeth, 300 and all. Let me go with the great one. It'll be 70 years. Let's look at the shark.
Speaker: When this article came out, the Megalodon, the largest ever recorded, was 59 feet. That's still fucking huge. It is huge. Like I've seen whale sharks. I've literally swam with whale sharks. And you get next to them fuckers, you're like, Jesus Christ. It's like walking through traffic with a bunch of buses going past you. This is a fact.
Speaker: And so the Megalodon is bigger than that. So that, and that, that one that you saw in the video is 70 plus feet. Yeah. That's fucking massive. Two hundred and seventy six to three hundred eighty three point nine inches, which is how many feet? What is it? The killer whale. That's the beast of the ocean right there. Yeah, killer whales don't fuck around. That's the beast of the ocean.
Speaker: Shamu is not nice. Shamu's dead. No, but you know what I mean? Shamu is, everybody sees killer whales and they go, oh, look at Shamu. Them fuckers are mean. Free Willy is not a nice guy. And like, they like to play with them. Yeah, killer whales are assholes. Yeah, they like to play with them. They toss their, they eat penguins and seals and toss them in the air. They toss them in the air. It's horrible. That's just fucked up.
Speaker: It's horrible. They do them dirty. Yeah. And they hunt packs like they're like wolves of the ocean. Yeah, they're actually coming back and they will miss you in pods, yes. Like I said, I mean, I don't go out in the ocean unless I'm in a boat. There's better be one hell of a boat.
Speaker: I've been on aircraft carriers. Sadie. How you doing, lady? Hey. What's going on, Sadie? We weren't talking about Canada. Where'd you come from? Nobody put the Sadie single out. Here's the thing. That truck that we saw in the video. Sorry about that. It can get to me in about three days. Because it's just off the road. I've never heard of that. I don't see it.
Speaker: Titan. I think it's some kind of snake. What an absolute hell of a shit. Is that what you call it off? Hawk wasn't here for that conversation. Oh, they're extinct. And there's the reach around. 42 feet. A 42 foot mega snake? Damn.
Speaker: I don't know. How about you? I'm I don't go. This is why I don't leave my house. You know, Cancun translated. You can make. Cancun and Mayan. Cancun and Mayan means snake pit. There are so many snakes in Cancun. It's ridiculous. Oh, boy. So, you know, I don't trek out into the jungle. I'm not stupid but I mean, my
Speaker: But I mean, 41 foot, I'm moving. I'm like, honey, we're selling the house. Honey, have you seen the dog? Honey? No, she's. I'm not watching that video when a 42 foot snake that's extinct. The damn building with the dinosaurs. And how do we know it's extinct? Because how do you know? It's extinct. So from Colombia.
Speaker: How big is he in a condo? The jungles in a condo. 32. The females go to be 32 feet. They're the biggest. Once again, I'd be moving. What was that? Jeff. I can't believe it's wrong. One of Jeff's kids. Jeff, you don't need to make excuses about wildlife while you don't leave. You're not going to fucking leave your house because you're just fucking lazy. I'm addicted to work. You're addicted to trans porn.
Speaker: No, only on Thursdays. Only on days that ended in wine, much like my drinking habits. Oh man, it's Monday. I accidentally spent four hours watching Transformers. Oh my God. Oh, it's Tuesday. Six hours. Six hours later. Why did you say that? Why did you say that now? I can imagine there's a movie out there called Transporters. I can believe it.
Speaker: Just watching those boobs are fantastic. Oh, I'm just gonna keep watching anyways. No, I'm gonna accidentally watch more movies. I finally watched and I didn't even watch it. I skipped through it. Human Centipede and holy fuck that movies. No, no. Damn you. No.
Speaker: It's not nearly as bad as it's been made out to be don't care In the way
Speaker: Go drunk your home Michael Bathurst. It's eight o 'clock at night. It's not good morning. I heard about your vibrations and your connections. I'm so jealous.
Speaker: I'm not watching their movie. I'm in love with the cryptic. Wow. Wow. Seriously, Tony, I couldn't even sit through the 15 minutes of the movie. It was like, it's just nothing bad happened. What'd you mean? Glitter sent? I don't have any of it. It was open. It's my internet. My internet's been shit all day. Pay your bill. But like, I couldn't sit through the first 15 minutes of the movie because it's such badly made.
Speaker: It's a it's a it's a it is a terribly made adoption. But it was it was it was one of those movies. Like Blair Witch. Which is a terribly made movie and super and nothing against the movie.
Speaker: You know, the difference between the Blair Witch Project, the first one, and Cuban Centipede was the Blair Witch Project was actually pretty damn good. It was a hell of a concept. Well, it was a hell of a concept and it introduced a whole new genre of horror movie. Right.
Speaker: without even trying for real. Yeah, no, exactly. It's that the found footage style is very much like paranormal activity. Yeah, no. And that's become a favorite of mine over the last several years. I love the found footage style movies. Right. Quarantine was great. Cloverfield was great. I like quarantine. Quarantine was good. Quarantine was good. But yeah, the human centipede, very low budget.
Speaker: Like seriously, Tony, you and I could have made this movie. It was a very low budget movie. And for as fucked up as it is, as crazy as it is, it's not horribly graphic. It's not horribly gross. It's just the concept of the movie.
Speaker: is what fucks people up with that movie um but again it had huge success it blew up out of nowhere you don't see anything where you're like oh my god except for the fact that
Speaker: the chick is like i said can you stop please can you stop thank you yeah like i said there's nothing it's it's not like it's not like hostile where it's super graphic costume yes yeah uh it is it is it is a mine the human centipede is a mind fuck if you yes because of the concept of the movies and it fucks with your head um
Speaker: But the movie blew up. They had a lot of success. It was low budget. And they tried to do the same thing that the Blair Witch Project did. And they failed the same way. They tried to feed off of the success. Blair Witch Project didn't fail, though. No, no. No, no, no. They tried to feed off of that money.
Speaker: when they made the sequel so they made a sequel to human centipede 2 which was just it was an absolute dogshit movie it was worse than the original um they just tried to replicate the success which is what player wish did player wish super low budget bad movie to watch but it but it blew up out of nowhere nobody expected it
Speaker: Like I think it costs like maybe like eight grand to make $30 ,000 making that movie and they made 33 million. I would call this. Yes. No, no, it's a huge success. I'm not shitting on the movie. I love the original Blair Witch movie. Right. But you see, this is the thing that kills me when we talk about movies. Like I said, I love Maximum Overdrive, but it was a bad movie. This is a shit movie.
Speaker: And that's kind of how human centipede and Blair Witch are. They're both, I mean, and I'm not gonna say that human centipede is a good movie. It was a crazy concept. It was a hell of a mind fuck. It was a hell of a mind fuck. And they don't.
Speaker: they don't ever do it by being like like I said hostile you know hostile could have been way better than what it was but they went for the gore factor they went for the the violence and the gore factor where human centipede just mentally fucked you because it made you think that there's somebody out there
Speaker: thinking about how to do that. Saul, Saul, the first couple of Saul movies did the same thing. First two were great. The first two were great. It was a nice combination of psychological gore, violence. It wasn't too heavy. It wasn't too much. It was great. But then they did. I'll give you three, Tony Dean. I'll give you the first three. The first three I'm good with.
Speaker: After that, it was free. Yeah, it was redundant. It was stupid. They were milking a dry cash cow. Yeah. Saul, again, not expected to have a blow up like it did. I don't think the first one was a super high budget movie. No, because it was literally two dudes in a room.
Speaker: Yeah. I would take, I would take scary movie making fun of Saul over four through 27 of Saul. Oh my God. Wouldn't I have Shaq and Dr. Phil? Shaq and Dr. Phil? Holy shit. I can't, I literally after, after seeing that, I can't watch Saul and Saul won because it just makes me think of Dr. Phil and Shaq. So we can talk movies all day long, but see right now gentlemen, you're in my world.
Speaker: You're in my world, you're in the world that you guys don't really like to live in and that's the horror of me. I've stated it millions of times, I'm not the horror guy. It's a classic. To you, I defer to you when it comes to horror movies, but seriously Tony, I would easily say where Blair Witch spent $33 ,000. I would say on human spending, they spent $10 ,000.
Speaker: dollars. Maybe. The only reason I say 10 grand is because they probably rented that house and the house that they were in probably cost 10 grand to rent.
Speaker: I'm not golf. Yeah. No, I love I love maximum overdrive. It's one of my favorite Stephen King movies to be a brutal. Did you be honest with you? No, it's a no maximum overdrive. But it's a dog shit movie. And I'll use this for another reference. And I know you guys have probably never seen the movie. I love the movie house.
Speaker: basically about a guy, he's a writer, his mom dies, he inherits the house, there's a bunch of crazy ghosts in there, like an old cowboy ghost, and the other thing. He came out in the 80s, he came out in the 80s, along the same lines and maximum overdrive. I just watched it, I just watched it a couple of weeks back and I'm like, this is a fucking stupid movie.
Speaker: William Catt. Oh, that was a horrible movie. Yeah, but I love the movie. I love the movie, but it was bad. And they did a sequel to it too, as well. What movie freaks me out to this day is The 13 Ghosts. I'm sorry. They made four houses. I only know one or two.
Speaker: They did two three and four. I don't know about three or four but I know two and two was just as bad as one but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as bad as one, but it was just as
Speaker: Black Adam. It stars Harper from Stranger Things. It's called. You mean Glick? No, hold on. I can't look it up. I just saw that. Everybody says that. Everybody says this dude from Stranger Things, Harper, is me. Hopper. Hopper. Oh, sorry. Hopper. Everybody says that's me. I've never even seen it. I've seen bits and pieces of the show. Chrissy, wake up!
Speaker: Yeah. Oh my God. I'm so sick of that song. Although I do love the corn song. The little kid talking about corn. That shit cracks me up. David Hartmore. He actually did a really good job playing Hellboy. I kind of liked him better than Ron Perlman. Let me ruffle your feathers there. Let me ruffle your feathers there. It's called Violent Night.
Speaker: Good Lord. Yeah. So they're just redoing. I, okay. I'll, I'll check it out, but they're, yeah, they're just, they're just. Uh, Bill Goldberg, who's a wrestler, did a movie like that where he was like an evil Santa Claus and it was, it was, it was something else to say the least. Goldberg did a movie where he was Santa Claus. It was a horror movie and he was Santa Claus or he, yeah, it was, it was a weird movie, but, um,
Speaker: I forgot what I was going to say, what I was talking about before Jeff brought up that goddamn movie. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's nothing wrong with enjoying the movie and being able to admit that it was a badly made movie. And that's all I'm saying about like, yeah, that's all I'm saying about Max Robert. And I love that fucking movie. It's not made very well, but the concept is perfect.
Speaker: Very much like Christine. The concept is 100 % Stephen King. But I love the movie Christine. I've seen it like 400 ,000 times. Well, sometimes they come back is a fucking crazy. And they're just talking about Stephen King in general.
Speaker: maximum overdrive is steven king and you know it's steven king you can't shit on steven king you know but the movie was made poorly it was a piss -poor made movie it was very low sometimes they sometimes they come back was was the same way but i love that movie it's a great movie you know i enjoy watching it when i when i come across it
Speaker: uh pet cemetery at the end of the day basically what i'm trying to say is steven king for the most part when they turn your books into movies they do a really bad job yeah they do a really bad job well but they're still enjoyable however maximum overdrive was directed by steven king well pet cemetery that little fucking kid in the god damn that motherfucking kid jacking that old man up in pet cemetery still fucks with me
Speaker: Who made children the fourth? On question. On question. What on the top three of bad movies for the three of you? Top three bad movies ask off. What was your top three bad movies? Tony D. We'll let you, we'll let you start. Horror or bad movies, period. Bad movies, period. Leonard part six.
Speaker: I've never even heard of it. It's Bill Cosby as the worst James Bond ever.
Speaker: It's terribly bad. The frogs crack me up every time. It's so bad. There's a movie called The Sand, or Blood Sand. It was on a sci -fi channel. When the kids had a party on the beach, and then they all disappeared. And every time they touch the sand, they pretty much disintegrated. It was on a sci -fi channel about four years ago. My stepdaughter made me watch it. I was like, this is ridiculous. What the fuck?
Speaker: I got to push it while I'm thinking about that. I would have to to to uh add to your Leonard part six one of my favorite bad movies is Undercover Blues. I do love the movie Undercover Blues. It's not great. Stanley Tucci is genius in it but it's not the concept is not great. I think I'm gonna have to go with
Speaker: I think I'm gonna have to go with um and the reason why there's not a Leonard Bart for go about because they were destroyed
Speaker: Go Bats and the Battle of the Rock was the number three. That was a horrible movie. I just watched it like I'm off in the hospital. I don't even know why I asked. I really don't know. Like, seriously? Three random ass movies that ain't nobody ever heard. He said Leonard Part 6. What'd you say, the sand? The sand, dude. A sci -fi original. That was horrible.
Speaker: And then he said GoBots versus the NoBots. GoBots in the Battle of the Rock movie. Oh goodness. I don't, I mean, undercover blues. I love you, but Jesus Christ.
Speaker: Nobody remembers that. No, I remember that movie. He got a reward for making the worst movie ever. He's celebrating. Yeah, he got a razzie. Yeah, he got a razzie. Yeah, he got a celebrated. That's funny. I honestly have never seen that. I didn't even hear it. Oh my god. The woman throwing, throwing, slapping him around is like gypsy fortune teller lady slapping him around. Dude, yeah, underarm missiles.
Speaker: Oh shit, it's so bad. It's so good, so bad. Oh my God, that was - It did it for number four. I'm gonna put - I'm gonna put Condor Man as number four. If you never saw Condor Man, it was a great - They tried to make a movie with that shit. It was ridiculous. You said Condor Man? Condor Man. Condor Man. You know, I'm gonna go with another bad movie that I love. Don't even probably seen it. Meteor Man. I was trying not to say it and fuck you.
Speaker: He did this to shoot him too!
Speaker: I love that movie. I love that goddamn movie. It's fucking genius. All these old black movies up here, the worst movies ever. Fuck all of y 'all. I got to say, no, it's a terrible made movie.
Speaker: It was not good. It was not good. When he was flying, he was just hearing the camera zoom in. My favorite is the Golden Lords. Then you got the Baby Lords with their lunchboxes full of money. I think that is kind of cool. I'm going to go. So what is your top three
Speaker: Top three bad movies, Jeff. As I said, Undercover Blues, Meteor Man, and I gotta think of another one. The Blair Witch Project, stop playing.
Speaker: No. How much project was awesome? That was a great movie. The only thing that killed me in that movie was Georgie and when that chick had the camera right in her face and the style was running down her nose. She's like, oh, this shit's been made fun of so many times. I can't believe we came out here. I ain't going to lie. You know when that movie messed me up? At the end, when he was standing in the corner, the camera just fell over. Oh, that's fucked up. No, he was taking a piss. He was frying chicken.
Speaker: No, he ain't frying chicken. Yeah, he ain't frying chicken. He was fried chicken at that point. Yeah, that shit killed me. Like, I was all in on that movie. I was like, damn, I didn't expect this to be that good. Like, they got me. All right. Tell me where you are, Josh. Yeah, I'm watching. I'm watching this bitch turn the camera on her face. It's not just running down, bubbles in there. I'm like, ooh, I never saw that movie, Golf Hawk. But I heard it was horrible. But it couldn't have been that bad, because that fucking made it into Guardians of the Galaxy.
Speaker: That's my. You know what? No, the Gulf is 100 % right. I love me somehow. I love me somehow. Plus there's some like interspecies sex in that movie. Howard the Duck has, has, has sex with a, what's her name? And she was hot back in the day. But yeah, Howard the Duck, another bad movie that I, and I love that movie.
Speaker: So what was your last one, Jeffrey? I'm gonna have to go with, and you'll make fun of me for it, but I'm gonna have to go with Batman with - Nipple? Batman nipples? Nipple Batman? Batman nipples. George Clooney? George Clooney or Val Kilmer?
Speaker: George Clooney. George Clooney's nipples? You gotta go to George Clooney's nipples? And the only reason why I like it so much is because Alicia Silver's in it. What's bad movies? What's bad movies? It's a bad movie. It's a terrible movie. But it's a good movie. I like it. I love Chris O 'Donnell. I'll watch him in anything. He's awesome. Tim Burton.
Speaker: George Clooney didn't phone that movie in. You said Tim Burton. You know what I'm slipping. Tim Burton directed. The Nightmare Before Christmas was not what I thought it was. I was not. I've never been a fan. He's got a fan base like you read about him. Yeah, but you don't like Tim Burton. I don't. I don't. The trailer for the movie had me. I'm like, OK, this is going to be interesting. I'm watching the movie like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, it's not what you thought it was. Yeah, it's weird. It was not what I thought it was. But I got to go with 97's Batman and Robin for my number three.
Speaker: How about Transylvania 65 ,000? How about Vampire in Brooklyn? Hey, watch your mouth. I like that movie. I like that movie too, but it was bad. What was it? What was it that played in school?
Speaker: However, you know, a movie, I don't know if you've seen it, it's a National Lampoon's Dracula Dead and Loving It with Leslie Mason plays Dracula. It was just a hand. It's already got figured out. Well, I'm not a big fan. Already got figured. Jackass Tom Green. I don't like Tom Green. I don't find him funny. I don't find him amusing. He doesn't even make me crack a smile. I like, I watch, I can watch the entire Tom Green movie and just
Speaker: Literally, literally, the other night, I was on TikTok. And I watched, and I was on TikTok for like two hours. I was watching two TikTokers. I was watching two TikTokers, the boys, and Tony, I know you won't get this, but Jeff, the boys are gamers, and they're the ones that did that. They have a TikTok channel. So I was watching them, and I was watching this other kid, this other kid,
Speaker: the, what was his name? The XS1 or something like that. And it's him playing Call of Duty, just fucking with people. Okay, yeah, yeah. Just fucking with people. Like, you know, because he was playing like Warzone, the guys, like he had, he had, he had.
Speaker: He was like, I, I trolled my teammates as a redneck. All three of his teammates were, were, were, were clearly black guys just based off of, you know, and he was, and he was all there. He was like, you see that killed them some bitches and he was trying to troll them, but then they wound up like loving this dude. And they were having a blast with it. I spent like two hours the other day just watching these two YouTube channels laughing my ass off just.
Speaker: like crying laughing so that's what i said my algorithm on tiktok's crazy right now tell me yeah look two hours did the hot chick pop up and hold on no she didn't there's a hot chick that pops up and says you've been scrolled for too long maybe because i was on their channels i don't know i've never had that hot chick pop up
Speaker: I've had the guy pop up before and go, hey, man, you've been scrolling for a really long time on TikTok. Get your gay ass out of here. My favorite thing? Listen here, Netflix. Have you guys seen the video? Don't judge me. Yeah, exactly. Are you still watching? Fuck you. Of course, I'm still watching. It's noon on a Wednesday. Leave me alone. My favorite TikTok right now is the guy he opens up his trunk. He's like, there's something wrong with my boot.
Speaker: And he opens up the storage space for your spare tire, and the black guy pops up, did you wash your ass today? He cracks me up every time. I showed it to my wife the other day, she's like, that's fun. The car just popped up. But yeah, what are your top three bad movies, Chris? Man. I mean, it's actually hard. There's only three.
Speaker: I know, right? I watch. I mean, I literally just watch Ted series. How about I hit you with this? Instead of top three movies, I'm gonna hit you with top three franchises. No, you would. Chucky. The Chucky series. Star Wars, Star Trek and Harry Potter. No, no, no, no, no, no. You have to actually like him, you fucking nerd. Get him.
Speaker: He ran away. See, he's afraid of our response. Now, you know, the thing is with bad movies, it's actually really hard to do because if you like a movie, you don't see it as bad. No, you don't. You don't see, you don't see the concept of it's a shit movie because, you know, Christine, a lot of people, the movie Christine, I've seen it like 400 times.
Speaker: And those don't count, Chris, because you've got to actually like them. So no, he said bad movies. He didn't say movies that you like. Is that what he said? Yeah. Yeah. No, he said, what are the top three bad movies for you guys that he didn't say that you liked? Well, that's why I tried to tell you bad movies. They're particularly bad movies.
Speaker: I'm going off of what the question was because I'm actually a man of the people. That's why I'm the fucking champ. That's why I'm the fucking people's champ. Because I listen to the people. You know, I'm going to laugh my ass off one day when a bunch of Star Trek or Star Wars people and a bunch of fucking Harry Potter nerds. I wish that fucking virgins would. Hey, watch your mouth. Come at me.
Speaker: You're a bunch of fucking nerds. You heard it here first, folks. Anybody, Star Wars, anybody, Trekkies, any Harry Potter nerds, go over to Chris and beat him up. Add him to the list, Jeffrey. Be your new trend.
Speaker: Adam to the list, Jeffery. That's the new TikTok trend. You sneak up on Chris, and you beat his ass because he made fun of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Paris. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm so afraid that the Star Wars nerds are going to come at me with their plastic lightsabers. Let's not forget about the Star Trek. Hey, that fucker's hurt, boy. Let me tell you what I was saying when you write golf artillery.
Speaker: the star strike nerds are gonna step both times to beat down what the fuck are you doing Spock I'm not just like Spock shut up bitch and then the Harry Potter nerds are gonna wave their stupid magic wands
Speaker: He is such a hater with his wrestling belts. Ooh, he's so tough. The force is with him. I'm always worried about you fucking nerds, yeah. I'll add you to my list myself. There is a future in our music while you sit back and watch horror movies of made up shit.
Speaker: I don't just watch horror movies. News flash, Tony D. See all the nerds, all the nerds that like those movies are serious hackers. You're not going to be able to have any Netflix or nothing. Or your Amazon bill is going to jump really high. I guess I'm going to have to go out and do something that you guys will never do and get laid. Motherfucker, I got laid today. Did you say never?
Speaker: You heard what I said. Did you say never? Never, never. How have I never been there? Never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Let me help you out, okay? I've been taking two years off and still got more pussy than you in your life. Shit. That I believe, actually. Knowing Chris, as long as I have, I believe that. Maybe because I wasn't sticking my dick in anything with a fucking heartbeat doesn't mean you... Okay, I'll make it easy. I'll make it easy for you.
Speaker: There are women that I stay with for duration. I probably still got more from them than you get at any girlfriend you got right now, or ever. I'll narrow the number down to half. Are you proud of yourself because you sleep all the way around? Tony, Tony, that breaks up an interesting question. Something I saw on TikTok the other day, there's this guy going around to like festivals and stuff, and he's asking people what their body count is. What would you say your body count is, Tony? I'll plead the fifth.
Speaker: Fuck you, you can't play defense. There's no judgment. This is the internet. What's your body count? This is the internet, kiss my ass. I have never contemplated my body count. I used to, trying to catch up to other people. I never tried to catch up. Everybody was just trying to catch up with me. As far as everybody in the world, you're just glad that you survived anything that your dick is still attached to.
Speaker: It was kind of amazing. It was kind of amazing. I don't have caught anything because I've been around the world twice and I spent a year here in Cancun having sex with anything that wouldn't have been down. So I would even say small triple digits. There's only one rule about sex labor. My sex labor narrowed down very easily, ladies and gentlemen. No men.
Speaker: No minors, no animals. You're welcome. No, man. Unless you're a machine team. Yeah. That's the asterisks. Glitch, your hand does not count as intercourse, OK? I was going to say, because that would put me in the closet. Is your mom's hand here? Oh, really? Oh, really? You can't pick up Chris's mom's dad. Mom's dad. I don't have my mom's.
Speaker: I was told that my parents were killed and a robbery gone wrong after we left the theater in an alley.
Speaker: Man, you didn't get your suits yet. You suck. No, they were broke. Still waiting on his building. He's still waiting on his billions. He's still waiting on my billions. I mean, the kids, they're just going to do it all. How the fuck you're not, you sparkly vampire. You're Batman. Jesus. You're Batman. I would say I'm in low triple digits. I'm not bragging.
Speaker: Most of the people that I know were triple digits. And I never caught up to them. I've always said double digits. It's closed. Chris is like getting dead. But here's the thing. Here's the one thing. No, but here's the thing. When you calculate how many times you've had sex versus my triple digits, it's a possibility you might have to be.
Speaker: But I doubt it. Not with single digits. I'm sorry. You'd be surprised. Oh, you'd be surprised. I literally just had sex. I had sex four times today. I'm going to have sex when I get on the show. I'm going to have sex when I get on the show. Your hand doesn't count. Rosie Palm is not a real person. Don't listen to them.
Speaker: You're real. You're real to me. You're beautiful. You satisfy me. Well, you know, they say you can't love anyone till you love yourself. I've had a crush on me since I'm 13. I love you! I love you! I love you, too.
Speaker: As they say, don't listen to me. You're beautiful. You can't love anyone till you love yourself. I've had a crush on me since I'm 13. Yeah, Jeff. He kissed the opening. No, I kissed the knuckle. Yeah, I was going to say. You wash your hands today.
Speaker: yeah and i shave them and i'm blind so all the stereo if you jerk off i'm sorry that brings up that brings up have you seen the tiktok where the lady's like porn causes brain damage and it sticks with the guy going it's it yeah are you fucking serious right now jack
Speaker: You do know I do edit that video. I stitched that video on our account. I haven't done it. I haven't done it. On our account. I've been wanting to. I stitched that video. Did show promotion.
Speaker: I didn't want to stitch it for the simple fact I would probably get bad because I'd be like, ooh. Hey, at the end of the day, Smoke, I'm getting mine. I'm getting mine. I go to bed with a smile on my face. Every night. Unlike Jeff's wife, unless she's in Europe.
Speaker: Hey, I have to say, sex is a race and I'm here to win. I'm a winner. You ain't first, you're last. That's right. Fuck it. I'm here to win. I just got a dirty look. I totally believe you said this shit.
Speaker: I'm surprised you said this shit. It's all jokes. My wife does it, but... It's all jokes. She did give me a dirty look from the doorway. Yeah, no, I'm very happy that Jeff's wife is home. I'm very happy for both of them. But it's all jokes. You know, I don't mean anything by it. I'm just cracking jokes. I'm just busting balls. You said both of them. I said both of them. As I said, as I said,
Speaker: As I said earlier, guaranteed 30 seconds or less and you will be unsatisfied as Jeff Logan. Well, my old slogan back when I was single was two tenths in a hole in a heartbeat. Heartbeat being optional.
Speaker: We'll talk more in a little bit. Come here, Tony. See, that goes way back. That goes way back to the necrophilia conversation that we had on the show, way back when we first started. Yes. Tony, if you don't know that, we've decided that when my wife dies, I'm going to have her stuffed in the bento position so I can still get some. That's after I. Question, Jeffrey. Question, Jeffrey.
Speaker: Because much like now when she's alive, you don't make her wet. I wait till she's asleep and I take care of her. Yeah, you don't make her wet. Will you have one of the hand sanitizer pumps installed on her cork? I'm talking about on her cork. Oh, I'm just going like a little pump handle. I missed the bottle of lube on her back.
Speaker: Two pumps for you, three pumps for me, and I'm done. High five, slap her on the ass. Good game. Good game, dead bitch. Good game. Good game. Watch out, you ain't ever done it. No, I'm not even done with you.
Speaker: I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie at all. I know what I'm saying tonight. I'm going to my wife's almost asleep and I'm like, good game. Good game, bitch. I've done it before.
Speaker: go for your sense of humor. I've had to explain to my wife three or four times that you cannot take what Chris says seriously. The first time she watched the podcast, you gave me shit about something. My wife was seriously pissed. And I was like, No, you gotta understand Chris, I've known each other forever. Yeah, doesn't mean it. He's saying it for a fact.
Speaker: She's like, and you didn't offend me because it was just funny. Well, you know what, I, you know what to eat to them. I say, what my booty ho and stop listening to the show. Not Jeff's, not Jeff's wife, but that's why your hand is your best friend.
Speaker: You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what? These hands and more than one occasion, these are the whole things I can depend on in life. No, I believe you on that. So, yeah. You're over there rubbing one out every five minutes. I'll rub one out. I'll break a jaw. I'll rub one out and break a jaw at the same time. She's like, bang! You have to, you have to. And take that, too! You have to appreciate what you're telling us, okay.
Speaker: Just, just a little insult. To add insult, insult to injury, I'm gonna come on your face. I broke, I broke your chest and into the money shot. Who's my bitch? You're my bitch.
Speaker: There is, I'm sorry, but if that ever happens to somebody, there is no coming back. You have to leave the bar, go home, and never return to said bar. You have to go kill yourself at that point. Because, can you imagine the fight go off, and all of a sudden the dude knocks two down, and he stands up. While he's jerking off, while he's jerking off, he knocks somebody out.
Speaker: I'm like, no, let him go. Let him go. Hey, Barkeep, give me a towel so this whore can clean himself up.
Speaker: Toss it to clean yourself up, you dirty whore, and go home. There's a guy on TikTok. Don't deserve to die after that shit. There's a guy on TikTok that goes around and he starts, he tries to start to fight with people and somebody's like, okay, well, fine, let's go. And he starts taking off his clothes. And all of a sudden, the person that was wanting to fight him runs away.
Speaker: I'm like, one of these days, that shit's gonna backfire. That shit's gonna backfire. And he's like, bring it on! Wait, what? You got your pants around your ankles. Where you gonna go? You ain't farting like a butterfly today, motherfucker. You ain't out running nobody like that. No. Hell no. He's got them rip away pants on. Oh, yeah, the party boy, yeah, the party boy. And he's naked. He's like, let's go.
Speaker: You're still going around doing it. Bullshit. The party. I've seen a Tyrone guy. I'm Tyrone man. I would fucking stab that motherfucker. That dude would not. That's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's
Speaker: What the fuck do you think I'm going to do? What if I broke into your house with a suitcase full of $10 million and said, if you fight me, what do you, I'm going to beat the hell out of you because you clearly have more muscles. Yeah. First and foremost, you have more muscles than brain. Second of all, you've probably never been in a fight in your life and you want to talk shit just because you're six, six and muscled up.
Speaker: Some of the biggest pussies I've ever met in my life. I could spend six months in the gym and become muscled up. Yeah. Some of the biggest pussies in my life that I've ever come across are those juice head gyms called gym muscles. The gym muscles don't give shit in a fight. That go to the Arnold Fitness Classic every year. And then they walk around like this. And it's like, pro. And they can't wipe their own ass. Yeah. Because they can't reach that far.
Speaker: I feel like calm down. First of all, stop with the what are you going to do if you break into my house. My redneck retard strike is going to beat you every time. First and foremost, it's 2022. If you break into my house, I'm going to shoot you in the face. Bottom line.
Speaker: fair game at this point. And I'm going to have $10 million. Yeah, exactly. Because when I call the cops and I say - And I get rid of the body really quick because I'm just doing my dogs. When I call the cops and I say, this giant dude just broke in my house, I shot him in the face. They're not going to know about the $10 million in the suitcase that you had with you. He had $20 on him. They're just going to know that some monster broke into my house and I killed him.
Speaker: Like, what the fuck do you think is going to happen if you break in the, in all honesty, in all honesty, it would be real with you. What's going to happen if you break in the air? Well, there's that other trend where somebody does the voice and all of a sudden you hear gunshots. You're like, yeah. I mean, I guess I could ask you in the, you know, before I, before I kill you, do you want your mama to have a closed casket or an open casket? Because it's going to determine whether I shoot you in the face or I put three in center mass. Well, you know, when somebody breaks into my house, the first thing I do, I don't call 911.
Speaker: I call the where to dig zone. 8 -1 -1. 8 -1 -1. That's what I call it. I'm not digging anything. You break into my house. No, because I'm going to hold a gun on you and make you dig your own fucking grave. I'm that sadistic fuck. If you break in the house, it's not my fault. If you break in the house, it's not my fault. Exactly. It's called stay on your ground, bitch. Break it on. Yeah. No, I'm not playing any games.
Speaker: If you're in my house, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. In this story, you know. Alexa, we, how do you see it? Have you seen it? It's like the guy goes, what are you going to do over the break of our house? And the guy goes, Alexa, we need guns. The light turns red and the ottoman turns into a big gun rack. And it says, Alexa, we need more guns. And then the coffee table opens up.
Speaker: I'm like, I need that. I need to get Alexa. Alexa, it's go time. Alexa, it's go time. Lights go down, red lights come on. One, nothing wrong with me. Two, nothing wrong with me. Three, nothing wrong with me. Four, nothing wrong with me.
Speaker: the body. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Somebody breaks into my house. My lights turn red. You know, they're going to be like, I need a little hologram girl from Resident Evil to pop up. You're all going to die. You're all going to die here. Although before I kill them, I'm going to make sure they get a good laugh in. So it's going to be mine. It's going to be Tom C. Riley. We're good looking boys here. We're all going to die.
Speaker: I'm going to come out and jerk it off with my... You boys want to join? No. I love them coming to your face. Is that Steven? Don't ask. They broke in. They got what they deserved. I don't know. They had this coming. They asked for this. They had this coming. Coming.
Speaker: Coming to me in the keyword. Good game officer.
Speaker: I've done it. I've done it a couple of times. It usually kind of, it's always worked out well for me. You don't say out loud good game. Yes, I do. Really? I mean, you're still alive. Because it's funny. Because I know my wife will shoot me if I... It's funny. It's me. And then she'll smack her on the ass and say good game. Yeah, it's funny. And it's me. I mean, you know.
Speaker: I've done it. It's true. If you can't get by with looks, you gotta get by with comedy. I get that. I'm the same way. I get it. I'm funny and I got a good personality. My dick's small and I'm not good to look at. Yeah, but I can do something to others camps. I can do it. Tony is like, I don't do that. Black people don't do that.
Speaker: I've seen some videos. These days, male or female.
Speaker: Whoa, Tony. What did you just say? Wait, wait, wait. He said these days male or female. Tony D said these days male or female. Chris, Chris, you can't judge. It's 2022. I'm not judging. I'm not judging. I'm just saying like I am. News alert. Most of these skills these days, I don't know who the hell is doing what. I can't speak for everybody. No, damn. I agree.
Speaker: I agree. I will never reach that point. I'm sure I can hit it one text and be good. I was going to say, I don't think I will ever go down the road of like, oh, there's no pussy. I'm going to call a dude. No, it's not going to happen. No. I will jerk off all day long before I call some dude like, hey, are you warning? I'm warning. No, not going to happen.
Speaker: Oh, you just watched six hours of training porn. Well, that's different. Son of a bitch, I can't believe I just spent my whole day accidentally wanting to do porn. This shit is different. What the fuck? You can't judge this 2022. No, it's going to be taken out of context, especially when I chop and screw the audio. Yeah, exactly. See what you do? OK. Just remember, just remember. And he got me with Goatsucker on fucking TikTok, damn it.
Speaker: And it's like, you know, the only is going to get taken out of context because of what I said, I said, I said, man, or female, male or female. I can't because you don't know who you're working. There you go. I don't think I can pull that trigger. Honestly, what's that sexual to do?
Speaker: Yeah, I couldn't pull that trigger. Why is that even in your thought process of - No, no, no, no. We brought up the subject a while back about Elon Musk and doing stuff to him for money. I'm not talking about - You two brought this shit up. Go ahead. No, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker: You ain't going to put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby. Jeff brought that up. And I was pimped out. And your pimp said, you better cut them balls. My point is. She was puffing her shoulders like, you better get this and play better. You better get my money. You better get my money. Whoop that tree. Whoop that tree. Pass your feet on the concrete and go get my money. Hashtag stuck that day. Deserted Island, you and another dude,
Speaker: I know. I'm sorry. I'm going to the other side of the island. I'm going to go take care of business. I'm doing good. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to go home that day. Yeah. I'm going to. Fuck that dog. Just, hey, bro. You stay on your side. I'm going to go on my side. I'm going to take my girlfriend with me in a wet dream. Fuck all y 'all. Wait a minute. Did you say the only way a dude's going to mess with you is in a wet dream? See, your ass got problems. No, your ass got problems because I was talking. I heard the same thing. No. Jodie, do me a favor. Go see him because he's losing this shit, please.
Speaker: That's going to happen anytime soon, but okay. Somebody needs to call the cops. Somebody needs to call the cops. Where's the cops when you need them? That's the story of your life. I don't think that's happening anytime soon, but... Easy golf. Easy golf. These are the thoughts of nonsense, but nonsense. Sounds expressed or equally... That's true.
Speaker: Golf Hawk, guess what? You've just been lumped in. You've just been blocked. Actually, actually, we should blame Golf Hawk for this. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Did you know Golf Hawk was black, by the way? Oh, shit, you're black! Oh, shit, Golf's black.
Speaker: I literally watched that clip. I watched that clip like seven times and every time I laughed, because Chris's face is just like, Holy shit, this dude's black. And I was like, you see, this is it, this is it, this is it.
Speaker: I still stay by what I said. That was a natural reaction. You haven't known golf as long as Jeff and I have known golf. So that was a natural reaction. You know what you look like? You look like Mel Brooks on Blazing Saddles. Whoa! Where do I live in that? Listen, you look like Mel Brooks on Blazing Saddles. Whoa! What are you going to do? Well, it looks like we're up against it, boys.
Speaker: I know. I just seen that. I was like, God damn, man. We're like having fun and on our roll. And I don't want to end it. Wednesdays. What are you going to do? I don't even know. I've got to find something short here and not my dick. I was going to say. You want to borrow my magnifying glass? Where's my pepper at when I need it? Your song's going to take too long.
Speaker: That's all right. It'll be all right. If they use this, they can just chop the... Chop the last end off. Chop it off or whatever. That's what we all said. That's what we all said. Yeah. Chop the end off. Yeah, exactly. Hate to end it. We do appreciate y 'all listening. We do appreciate y 'all hanging out. Hopefully you enjoyed the show tonight. We got a little off the rails, but we're going to wrap it up with a little blacktop mojo like we always do.
Speaker: And I'm just grabbing the shortest song I can find. So check out Black Top Mojo on all social media and everywhere else in the music at Black Top Mojo. Go show them some love and let them know we sent you right back with a little closing thoughts after this.
Speaker: Speak up now darling, you're growing faint My Technicolor view, years turning gray Twist the antenna round, guess there's something wrong There's nothing but a white noise now, the signal's gone
Speaker: Gone, gone, gone I sit alone now The screen is cracked
Speaker: I hit the site again but the picture won't come back I tried to wait it out but I fell asleep near dawn I guess I won't know how it ends The signal's gone Gone, gone, gone
Speaker: Gone, gone, gone The pain is peeling from the walls And time reaches us
Speaker: you
Speaker: Oh
Speaker: Hell yeah, a little blacktop mojo to wrap the show up. We appreciate y 'all listening. We appreciate y 'all hanging out. And if we're on the IRN, if you're hearing this on the IRN, hang out for our guy, Kevin Holly. He'll be coming up next. Go ahead and give him a listen. He's a good dude. We love him, man. I love him.
Speaker: I can't speak for these two. We do appreciate y 'all listening. We do appreciate y 'all hanging out. Make sure you check us out on all social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Join us live Monday, Wednesdays, and Saturdays at 6 PM on YouTube and Twitch. And don't forget to check us out on Spotify. All at nonsensical nonsense. You know the drill. Give us a follow. Give us a like. Give us a listener if you like what you hear. Give us a share. Jeffrey, what do you got to say to these summed bitches?
Speaker: Deuces. Tony D, let these motherfuckers know. Live long and prosper. No. No. No. But that being said, Tony D dropped the ball. He's fell this off. Be good. Or be good at it. The only ball I dropped was at the berth. Hit the button. The ball I dropped was at the glory hole last night.
Speaker: When the fourth
