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The Power of Your Words
11 Plays4 months ago
The words you use are more powerful than you might think. In this episode, coach, author & speaker Becky Kemp shares her research and experience on the power of words and how they can shape the joy and meaning we find in life.
Learn more about Becky here.
Download her free ebook here.
Learn more about Seek The Sun here.
Follow Seek The Sun on Instagram @seekthesun.official
Transcript
Introduction to Seek the Sun and Becky Kemp
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello friends, welcome to the Seek the Sun podcast where we talk about light, hope, and positivity. My name is David Mead and today I am joined by Becky Kemp. She is a speaker, an author, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, you won't believe that when you look at her. But she is here today to talk to us about spreading goodness and igniting transformation. She does that primarily through the power of words. And so we're going to have a really, really interesting conversation about that and how words can help us to take on our challenges and create a life of joy and meaning.
Becky's Background and Transformation
00:00:40
Speaker
So Becky, thank you for being with us. So glad to have you here today.
00:00:43
Speaker
Thank you so much. So excited. So tell me ah the the first question I have for you is, and we'll get in. Well, actually, let me start here. Just what's your background? What do you want people to know about you and what got you to where you are right now?
00:00:58
Speaker
Well, that's a good question. um My background, I've grown up in Utah most of my life. um I've lived a really normal life. um I haven't had a lot of um major tragedies or hardness that way, but I have had a lot of hard also, right? um But my story is nothing too unique, but yet I've come to realize that each of us have a very unique story. And my background is, um For the last 27 years, I've been married to my high school sweetheart. We have five children. And I spent most of my time as a full-time mom during that time, which was a gift. But also, I found myself struggling with depression, anxiety, and saw that I wasn't really fulfilling the life I was meant to live.
The Power of Words: Becky's Turning Point
00:01:50
Speaker
I think due to a lot of fear and A lot of comparison, you know, like you sit and you watch other people and I guess I was watching my life from the sidelines and I Have in the last 10 years transformed that and I've gotten in and began to really live the life that I wanted So what was the what was that spark what 10 years ago when you realized? Oh, I'm not living my life the way that I want to live it what was the thing that pushed you over that edge to start doing things differently and
00:02:21
Speaker
Well, there was a lot of things that kind of now you can look back and see them. But at the time I was just feeling really helpless and hopeless. And I was waiting for my circumstances to change. And I talk a lot about this and I coach on this because it's a it's something I think a lot of people can follow trapped in.
00:02:41
Speaker
but It was kind of things like I will be happy when this happens, right? And you fill in the blank. So when we make more money, when my kids are grown, when I have this in my possession, when I travel here, when I'm a certain weight, when I'm a certain success, I mean, you could fit it in with anything. And I was kind of. Watching everybody else live and and.
00:03:08
Speaker
maybe envious or just kind of like, oh, they have it easier than I do. Or if I was more talented or, you know, I just always had that like negative narrative in my brain. And I didn't realize how powerful words were at the time. I didn't realize how powerful the way we talk to ourselves really affects us. And so 10 years ago, what really was a turning point for me was I started asking better questions and it started with my relationship with God. And I one time got on my knees and just said, you know, in a condensed version, it was like, I think I should be happier than I am. I think there's more to my life than I'm living.
00:03:47
Speaker
But I don't know, I don't know what to do. You know what I mean?
Practical Steps to Positive Change
00:03:50
Speaker
I was kind of like, I, I felt very stuck and an impression came to me that was change your words and you can change your life. And that kind of put me on the journey, really taking the ownership and my life back by just becoming first aware of my words and then becoming more intentional to the words I put on each day and put in my life. And wow, it's transformed everything.
00:04:14
Speaker
So when you first got that message of change your words, what did you what was your first step? What did you do with that? Yeah, it's funny because when I look back at it now and I write about it in my book, but it I didn't know what to do with it, really. And I think a lot of times we get like downloads or we get.
00:04:35
Speaker
like divine inspiration, but we don't quite know what to do with it. It just is like a little seed and then you have to like nurture it. So it wasn't like I was like, okay, I'm going to just change all these things. It was more a gradual thing, but I started to become aware towards.
00:04:54
Speaker
Um, started to notice little phrases, started to see that little small short phrases impacted me. I started to ah one, one particular thing that was really impactful for me early on was.
00:05:08
Speaker
I was listening to a Netflix documentary and it had nothing to do with what I was looking into. It had to do with food, but the in the documentary, for some reason they said, say these words to yourself, I accept myself unconditionally right now and say them to yourself every morning, middle of the day and evening. And for whatever reason, those words just like caught my attention, right? It was kind of like,
00:05:34
Speaker
They were the blueprint. That's the next step for you. So I rewound the documentary. I'm like, what words were those? And I had to actually write them down because I didn't, I didn't accept myself unconditionally right now. I wasn't in that space. So they weren't words that I was really accustomed to saying to myself. So I actually had to jot them down on a little three by five card. And I thought, how can I remember how to, you know, to say these to myself?
00:06:00
Speaker
And the thought was, we'll just put them in your mirror where you can see them every day. And so I just did it. So I really feel like transformation a lot of times is line upon line, step by step. Like we, we know, but oftentimes we're looking for some big grandiose things. So when I started saying to myself, I accept myself unconditionally right now, it's not like.
00:06:23
Speaker
The heavens parted and all of a sudden my life changed. But gradually what I noticed is there was a time that something happened. I can't even remember what it was, but I heard myself say to myself. But I accept myself unconditionally right now. It was like those words had become a part of me. So what I really believe is words are a compass and they lead us.
00:06:46
Speaker
And we get to choose where we want to get led. we can be true We can be led towards
The Word Effect: Becky's Book
00:06:50
Speaker
goodness and joy, or we can be led towards discouragement and despair. It's where we choose to focus our thoughts.
00:06:57
Speaker
Yeah, and and it's so powerful how we will tell ourselves and we will use words on ourselves that we would never use on other people, right? yes And yet we turn those on to ourselves and it can be so destructive if we're not careful. yes So that's where it kind of began for you. Tell me a little bit, let's fast forward and we'll we'll go back to the the middle of the journey here in a minute. But fast forward a little bit to What are some of the main things that when you're speaking, when you're working with, I know you work primarily with women, when you're doing these speaking events or doing these these engagements, what are some of the main points that you're that you're focusing on in terms of words and how they can help us through the challenges that we face?
00:07:37
Speaker
Yeah, right now i a lot of my focus is off my book. I just recently published a book last December and it's called The Word Effect, Seven Simple Words to Create Your Most Beautiful Life. So oftentimes right now I'm teaching the process of using the word effect in your own life and focusing on two or three words that you can start practicing putting in your life. So for example, what the first word in the word effect is acknowledge.
00:08:04
Speaker
ah To change anything, you have to first acknowledge that you want to change. You have to be willing to do something different. The power of acknowledging is so important for anyone that wants to create or innovate something differently in their lives, whether it's in their personal life or professional life.
00:08:24
Speaker
And so I teach people how to start to acknowledge things. And a simple way to do that is focusing on what you can do instead of what you can't do. So just it's taking words that we all have access to. I haven't come up with new words and new sayings or anything, but it's it's helping people become aware to their words and then going, well, what are my dreams? What am I not creating right now that I feel like I want to? And what's most fascinating is I've never spoken or been in any group, whether it's women or professionals or leaders, everybody has dreams and desires. so it everybody That is something we all have in common. Some people are willing to vocalize them more, but most people just put them behind because they don't know how to get started.
00:09:11
Speaker
And um what I have come to realize is when you start to acknowledge your dreams and desires, the opportunities and the way to create them actually come forward. But you have to take those steps. You know, I mean, we we're all familiar with like Moses parting the Red Sea. And you want to think that he stands there and it parts and then he never. But really, what I've come to learn about it is it parts as he walks forward. Totally. Right. he had to have faith each step he kept going. And you could go to the Bible over and over again and find story after story. It's like, you know, you have to have the effort involved with it. So I just teach how to put words in your life and how to make them a part of you. um and And like I said, right now, the focus has to do with the word effect process is what I'm kind of focusing on. So um I think the actionable or practical
00:10:09
Speaker
application
Keys to Positivity: Gratitude and Consistency
00:10:10
Speaker
of these things is so important, right? Because you can go and listen to a TED Talk or you can go even in a you know a full day workshop and you'll leave there with awesome ideas, but then the implementation is what's so important. yeah What are some of the biggest challenges that you've found that people run into when they receive this information, they read your book or they're in your session and they leave? What is the biggest blocker for them to actually start using the things that they've learned from you?
00:10:36
Speaker
I think there's two. One is the faith to try something different. As human beings, most of us have been, become very skeptical. Like it almost is too easy. You know, we've been taught that things need to be hard and that they need to be, you know,
00:10:54
Speaker
Just unobtainable, I guess, almost, you know what I mean? Like out of reach. And so first off, just getting people to be willing to try it. And then the second thing is consistency. You have to become consistent at changing your life. it's you You have ebbs and flows. Like today is an overcast rainy day.
00:11:16
Speaker
I've had to learn that I'm gonna have overcast rainy days. But what I do know is that those days will pass and the sun will always come back out. Sometimes it's overcast for two or three days, sometimes it's a week, sometimes it's a month. I mean, we all have different things based on our life situation. So I don't have a perfect formula to say, you just think happy thoughts and everything good goes, right? That's not really what I'm saying. What I'm saying is,
00:11:41
Speaker
Let the word effect take you forward and let words become your compass, become aware to words. And as you become aware and start to acknowledge that you're looking and wanting to find them, you'll find words, maybe in a song you hear a little phrase, maybe a podcast that you listen to. Something will go, you know, catch your attention. ah Going to church and you, you can't remember everything you heard, but someone made one comment that kind of rolls around in your head all week long. That to me is like those were words that I needed for whatever reason because we're all going to hear things differently. you know It's interesting when you talked about the overcast day and maybe it's ah ah a day or a week or whatever.
00:12:21
Speaker
It was just yesterday, I thought something had come up a couple days ago and it just kind of brought me down. And I realized this pattern in myself that depending on the the severity of what the thing is, maybe it's like half a day, maybe it's like two or three days and I always get over it. Yes. And so I thought to myself yesterday, I was like,
00:12:41
Speaker
I'm 100% positive I'm gonna get over this thing. So why wait for two days? Why don't I just get over it right now? why don't i Why am I like, and it it pairs with another thought that I've had a lot in the last few months. um I mean, I'm not old, but I'm getting older. yes And I'm on the definitely on the back half of my life. And I keep thinking, why am I stealing the the joy out of the days I have left, right? Why am I choosing? Because it's my choice to feel the way that I feel.
00:13:09
Speaker
somebody might have triggered me or something happened or whatever but the point is I get to choose how I respond to that um and it's such it's so hard for me so
Balancing Emotions and Shifting Focus
00:13:20
Speaker
that's another question I wanted to ask you when you know like we write books and we did give talks and you know like we have a similar background that way um And it's easy to talk about that stuff from a stage. It's easy to to write about it or do it when things are good. Oh, yeah. But we all I mean, you and I both, despite the type of work that we do, we will have those days ourselves. What is the one kind of go to thing that really helps you when you're struggling as the person who wrote the book on this? I think I just go back to the basics with it. Just like what you said, I have learned
00:13:58
Speaker
that I'm going to get through it. So how long do I want to stay in the misery of it? Right? How long? And probably the the biggest thing is the power of gratitude. Right? The power of gratitude. One of my power words in my book, the sixth one is appreciate. And whatever you appreciate, appreciates.
00:14:18
Speaker
And I love that, you know, if you focus on the negative, it grows and it expands because our brain is really just a big processor and our brain focuses on what we tell it to. So it goes back to what you were just saying. We have a choice each day. We have a choice of the words we're going to put in our lives. so We maybe aren't aware of the choice. We maybe just think that those words find us and this is where we're at. But The National Science Foundation did a study that said that the average human being has between 16,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% of those thoughts tend to run negative. 80% of our thoughts tend to run negative. And a lot of it has to do with how we were created because
00:15:06
Speaker
our brains are meant to protect us. And so our brain always looks for the worst case scenario or, you know, and and and so I've learned and I'm still learning, I would say, how to look for the good and be grateful for what is in front of me instead of focusing on, but I didn't want this happen in this. Right. So for me.
00:15:28
Speaker
it's always going back to the basics, but I get to acknowledge what my thoughts are. And then the second thing is I just get to ask myself different questions. I don't have to stay stuck. one of the One of the key principles I teach is the power of asking and learning to ask questions more from a a space of how instead of why. So when we focus on why is this happening to me? Why this?
00:15:56
Speaker
Why gives our brain something to look for the negative? And so it
Managing Thoughts and Emotions
00:16:00
Speaker
will go, let me show you all your obstacles. But if you can turn it to, how do I make today amazing? Instead of why is it raining today, right?
00:16:10
Speaker
It helps you get outside yourself and your brain will help you look for solutions, serving other people, being grateful for the rain because we are, you know, flowers can appreciate it. yeah I mean, whatever it might be. So sometimes it's just in that moment, getting back into gratitude for what is right here really helps then reset me.
00:16:33
Speaker
And there's always something, right? And sometimes you have to dig a little bit harder, but it is always there. But there is. Yeah. And the more you look for it, the easier it will become. Does that make sense? Like it's it's a practice. Totally. yeah It's a practice. It's just like learning to play the piano. You don't just sit down. Most people can't just sit down and play beautifully. They practice and practice. And then when we see them,
00:16:57
Speaker
You're like, Oh my goodness, they're so amazing. I could never do that. And we just all of a sudden compare ourself, but we don't look at all the time they spent getting ready for that recital or that presentation or where, you know, where they performed. It's the same with managing our own thoughts. It does take practice.
00:17:16
Speaker
Yeah, and I think, I mean, we hear about gratitude practice a lot, but what are some of the other um what are some of the other practices that you use or that you encourage um the people that you talk to to use that can help them get to this place where they're really aware and conscious and intentional with their words?
00:17:33
Speaker
Yeah, well, like I said, start out by acknowledging, i focusing on what you can do today instead of what you can't. Like, you know, what can I do today? um I always like to help people celebrate what good is happening first. Before we want to change anything, we need to celebrate who we are or where we're at today. Because if we don't, our brain will just then show us all the problems. So celebrate what you can do today and what is going well. And then practicing asking different questions, like I said, focusing on how do I move forward? There's a really great book. ah It's called Everything is Figureoutable. It's by Marie Forleo. She's a well-known author and and life coach.
00:18:18
Speaker
I just love the premise. Everything is
The Journey of Becoming and Personal Growth
00:18:20
Speaker
figureoutable. She says that to her all the time. And it's helped her figure out everything she's ever wanted to do. And I have found myself, I've, you know, borrow her words sometimes. And that's what's so great about words is that we can all use them and we can help each other. But there's been times where I felt stuck over something.
00:18:39
Speaker
And I always think that everything's figureoutable. So I just haven't found the answer yet, or I'm, so you know, I'm trying this and then I'm going to redirect and maybe try this. So it gives myself a lot more grace to make mistakes and to try things and stay out of perfectionism, which keeps a lot of us stuck because if we can't be perfect,
00:19:02
Speaker
In the beginning, we don't want to go through the process to get better at something. And there really is nothing perfect, right? It's always just progress over perfection. Yeah, absolutely. How do you balance the.
00:19:18
Speaker
negative with the positive. What I mean by that is depression and anxiety, which you suffered from are very real things and we're not trying to cover those up and just say, okay, let's ignore those and just focus on the positive. That's not what this is all about. yeah how How do you find that balance and how do you help people to acknowledge both and then focus on the positive?
00:19:38
Speaker
Well, when I went through, uh, so I'm a certified life coach as well. And when I was certified, I learned a process called the 50 50 and I really appreciate it. You know, 50% of your life's going to go well and maybe 50% is going to be hard and visually think about like a ball in the ocean. And if you're trying to keep one side of the ball up,
00:20:02
Speaker
you know It's just going to roll around. And it's when we are resistant to the negative and the hard in our lives, it actually makes it harder. If we just let that ball go out into the ocean and just roll wherever it needs, sometimes it's going to be positive. Sometimes it's going to be negative. If we're not pushing against it, it actually is a lot easier to get through it. What happens to most people is when things go hard or struggle, they say, what did I do wrong?
00:20:30
Speaker
I made a wrong choice. um I'm not a good enough person, which those are all not true. Those are just negative thoughts that we've become accustomed to putting in our lives. So I like people to realize that you know if you can loosen your grip a little bit on life and just know that there's going to be rainy days, but there's going to be sunny days. There's going to be happy days. um I still struggle with bouts of depression at times. I still struggle with anxiety.
00:21:00
Speaker
building this business. I started with a t-shirt business and then I've stepped into coaching and speaking. It hasn't just been easy. I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't have people just knocking at my door, begging me to come help them. Right. And sometimes you wonder, well, maybe I don't have the right message. Maybe, maybe nobody's getting anything about it. And then you'll receive like an email from someone and it's a personal thing. And they're sharing with you how this has transformed them from listening to a message you said or something. And then you think, Oh.
00:21:38
Speaker
this does make a difference.
Embracing Change and Innovation
00:21:40
Speaker
And even if it just makes a difference in your own life, it's worth it, right? Finding something that you're passionate about. I'm so much happier today because I'm living the life that I always wanted to live 25 years ago that I just kind of tucked away out of fear. So I always ask myself, would I rather go back there or would I rather stay here? I'd rather stay here. But do I still have,
00:22:05
Speaker
you know, times where negativity sets in or like you mentioned, you know, where you're like, ah, this isn't quite what I thought. Well, of course, that's being a human being. Yeah. And I love that idea of the ball rolling around in the ocean is just sometimes up, sometimes down. I remember 2017. I remember it very clearly ah I was at the height of my speaking career. Everything was going awesome. And I remember and being in the shower one morning and telling myself this isn't going to last forever.
00:22:34
Speaker
Right. So when COVID hit and the speaking industry went through the floor and I had no work all overnight, all of a sudden, yes the thought that maybe it didn't come immediately, but the thought that came into my head was this isn't going to last forever. You know, it's like sometimes we're up, sometimes we're down, but I think it's important to remember.
00:22:54
Speaker
wherever we are, it's not gonna be like this forever. If it's bad, it just means it can get better. yeah And if it's good, like stay humble, because things are probably gonna come down at some point. Because the one thing that is consistent in all of our lives is change. And nobody can just wrap things up perfectly. That's why like when you talk to anyone that's a creator of any kind or successful,
00:23:15
Speaker
Something's working until it stops working and then they have to innovate and create something else. So any business that wants to be successful has to continue to innovate. I was just in a meeting earlier today with a group and they were talking about AI. And you know, I remember with this group of people that were talking when they first started talking about it, everyone was so scared of it. And now it's kind of like.
00:23:37
Speaker
Well, we we need to embrace it. And what are we learning? And how can we grow from this? And I thought, isn't it interesting how the same group of people is like transforming right in front of you? and And I just am aware of it more than maybe other people right now, just because that's where I've put my focus. um But it's like what keeps us from stepping forward is the fear of the unknown, right? But things are going to change. And I love that you had the same thought when things were high and then things were low. And now those are probably words that are going to be part of your pattern and part of your story that are your compass, you know, that you'll think of at different times, big or small. It's not always going to be like this, you know?
00:24:17
Speaker
Yeah, another one that's when in I've been thinking more about the words that I use and it's not always necessarily single words. Yeah. But there's a quote and I want I wanted to ask you kind of what your if you have a go to word or phrase that you put on one of your t-shirts at one point or whatever. But for me, um I love to say it's all going to work out in the end. And if it hasn't worked out, then it's not the end. Oh, I love it.
00:24:42
Speaker
Yeah, like that. I always go back to that when things are tough. I'm like, it's all going to work out, you know, at some point. So is there what is the kind of anchor? Is there an anchor phrase or word for you that you just love that sticks out above the others?
00:24:55
Speaker
Yeah, i a couple things. One that I really love is um just for today. When I am able to get my thoughts back into today, into present, everything's okay right now. It's when I get into too much of the future, anxiety really gets high for me.
00:25:13
Speaker
when I get too much in the past, regret and depression set in, right? So if I could just bring myself back to just for today, it takes a lot of pressure off of me. One of my favorite quotes though is by Maya Angelou and it's do the best you can until you know better. And when you know better, do better. And I love that reminder to me personally, because it allows me to not know everything. It allows me to up level whenever I'm ready to.
00:25:40
Speaker
And it allows a lot more grace in life to go, oh, I'm just figuring things out instead of I have to know how to do these things. So I i really like that phrase to just I use that a lot of times like, oh, yeah, I just didn't know that yet. And that's OK. Because sometimes you maybe compare yourself to somebody else. You're like, well, they already knew that. Why did I not do it? Yeah, it's just our stories are different.
00:26:04
Speaker
And it goes back to that idea of the ball moving in the ocean. When I just sit there and hold that ball down like, why did I not know that? And I'm harsh on myself. It does no good. It just that resistance um is really hard because the water wants to just move the ball around. Right. And when we let go and let the ball just move, it's like, oh, I just didn't know it yet. It's OK. Because there's a lot of things that I probably know that you don't know. And I'm sure there's a ton of stuff you know that I don't know.
00:26:32
Speaker
And that's why connection is so powerful because when you talk, you learn from each other if you allow yourself to be teachable. Totally.
Creating a Fulfilling Life with Words
00:26:40
Speaker
To be open. that, I mean, I feel like this conversation ties into, or this last couple minutes we've been talking to, talking about, ties really well into this idea of becoming that you like to talk about, where with the Maya Angelou quote, especially, and then just allowing life to kind of do its thing with us, because there's a, I mean, there's a bigger picture, there's a longer game going, right? So talk a little bit more about that idea of becoming and how you like to approach that idea with people.
00:27:07
Speaker
Okay, so how becoming came into my life was ah probably it was 2015 I had always wanted to start my own business and I had this another little idea came to me um put positive messaging on t-shirts and And I tell a lot more about it in my book, but the gist was if you're looking for a positive message t-shirt, someone else probably is too. And I didn't know if I should have a business partner or not. I didn't know what to do next. And so it was, I started to just ask questions and I just allowed myself to take it one step at a time.
00:27:46
Speaker
As human beings, I think a lot of times we want to push. We want to go faster. We want to know the answers yesterday, right? At least that's been my story. But when I got out of my way and I just started to figure it out, um, I realized that my sister-in-law, Erin was supposed to be my business partner and we decided to team up. Well, my name's Becky. Her name's Erin.
00:28:04
Speaker
with an E and so we became, um, the B, B E behind becoming threads. So becoming really came into my life at that time, that word becoming, and we, they were, you know, threads were our t-shirts, but they were words that you could practice putting on.
00:28:22
Speaker
And then since that time, I just really have loved that. So now, um, it's becoming with Becky, you know, leadership speaking and coaching, but it's, I'm still actively working on myself every single day. Becoming is some, it's an active word that we're all working towards. You're not ever there. Um,
00:28:42
Speaker
And that's a lot easier approach than when I get here, then I will be because that's where I came from. So instead, it's like, what am I becoming today? Who am I becoming today? You know, and and that is like helps me celebrate the good that's happening, helps me be okay that there's still a process. It really helps me enjoy more of the journey of life. You mentioned a little bit ago, like.
00:29:04
Speaker
Where you're at in your life, you're like, why am I not enjoying more of my life? It was kind of that same thing like I need to become the person I want to but I need to enjoy the process of it totally instead of when I launched my podcast or when I published my book or when I Whatever because you get there and then there's there's something else always. It's a mirage. Yeah. totally yeah Yeah, so What is the most rewarding thing for you about this work that you're now doing?
00:29:38
Speaker
um Honestly, I love stuff like this. I love just being able to share something that I'm passionate about. I love being able to know something that I've come to learn and then be able to help somebody else open their eyes to something new. That to me is very, very rewarding.
00:29:56
Speaker
The coolest thing about it, though, is when you relive it and when you share your story, it strengthens your own conviction as well. Right. um One time I heard this and it's always stuck with me that a preacher one time said.
00:30:11
Speaker
that he has to practice his his speech to his sermon for his sermon six days. So on his seventh day, he believes it when he gives it, right? And I feel like that's what this work is for me. i This work is what I have to do.
00:30:27
Speaker
it gives me a lot of sense of fulfillment and joy. And then when I share it, I'm like, oh yeah, that does work. that as If that makes sense, right? legal yeah So to me, that's the most fulfilling part is actively learning and growing um and just becoming a better person each day. Also hearing other people's stories and like going, yeah, I relate to that. I love that part of it.
00:30:51
Speaker
Well, and I think there's, I mean, this is such a relatable topic for so many people, because, I mean, in recent years, and I'm sure you know the the exact research, and but the rise of depression and anxiety and just the darkness in the world and, you know, I i love the effort that so many people like you are putting in to like, how do we raise the how do we ride raise all ships? How do we like do something that can but is so simple, not necessarily easy, but simple, not super complex, right? That can get us to a place where we are experiencing that joy in the everyday,
00:31:32
Speaker
um And it's so hard because, I mean, when life is hard, when you've got, you know, a job that you don't like or all these things that seem to be piling up on top of you, it feels like I'm never going to enjoy it until I retire, until I, until I this, until I that, right? Well, I'll be happy when. yes That's when I think that's so easy for that to creep in. um But one of the things that I've found recently is even though, you know, life is not what it used to be for me from the outside looking in,
00:31:58
Speaker
It is, I mean, just being able to slow down, to to make it about right now, about today, about the gratitude, about all these things, slowing your life down allows you to look at it and be like, man, like it's actually pretty good. And I can, I mean, it's it's better than pretty good. And like it can it's only getting better every day that I'm more conscious and more aware of how I approach it, the words I use, how I think about myself, how I talk to myself. um All that is just, it's amazing. Yeah, it's and that goes back to that idea of it's a practice, right? Because it's it's learning to slow down and become more present to your life and find joy in what is. um When I was kind of it was 2019 was right before Covid.
00:32:44
Speaker
And I just had this strong desire that I wanted to be speaking and writing a book. And I kept saying to my sister-in-law at the time, Erin, who we were working together, we were kind of at a we were at a ah pivot point or at a fork in the road. And it was either time to grow and scale or it was time to move on. We had kind of been a boutique kind of thing and we'd gotten to this next this level, but you needed to go further. And we had to take the steps to go down a path and we went to Vegas to a show to see if we wanted to get into wholesaling. And we had to, you know, go away,
Stories of Transformation
00:33:20
Speaker
be away for a couple of days and actually go immerse ourselves there. And once we were there, we were like, no, this is not what we want. And we knew it. We knew it. But we had to go experience it. So we kind of came back.
00:33:32
Speaker
And then I kept saying, let's start a podcast. Let's start speaking together. You know, let's talk about this. And she's like, I just it wasn't for her. And I couldn't understand it because it's all I wanted to do. And we finally had to come to a point where it was like she was going this way and I was going that way. And it was OK to take a different path. But that was really a big point in my life where then I realized how powerful words had become over the last four or five years. And then it was like,
00:34:03
Speaker
Speak about that. Talk about that. Write your book about where this has helped you. If it's helped you, it's going to help somebody else. People ask me all the time, how did you come up with what you're going to speak on or what did you do? And it's like it it found me. It really found me. I didn't just sit down one day and go, OK, but I was on a walk one night and I was outlining my book and I knew I wanted it to be about words. And all of a sudden I thought,
00:34:29
Speaker
These are the words that helped me get forward. And I just knew what the words were. And then over time I worked with the editor and I worked, you know, it it was a longer process than that. But I had the framework, you know, and so you do get those like little inspiration moments and then you kind of have to build them out. But yeah, it's it's a it's a constant practice of just. And that's why I like to get back into it in my in today, you know, because it allows me to be present and find joy in what is.
00:35:01
Speaker
and not be looking for something that's out of my reach and then feel that I'm behind or that I'm not good enough that so often we've all just been accustomed to. It's just how society's raised us a lot of ways. Totally, yeah. Yeah, it's like we're in a comparison culture, right? And there's another quote that I love. It says, it's really hard to look straight. Sorry, it's hard to walk forward looking sideways.
00:35:24
Speaker
Very true. and so if you're going to i mean I think comparison has become such a natural thing, but what I try to encourage people to do is if you're going to compare yourself to somebody, compare yourself to yourself yesterday.
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah. Right. Yeah. and And this idea of becoming, right? Exactly. Because the only person, and and I've had to really work on this in the speaker world, because you can listen to different speakers, right? And I'm sure you know this. And you'll listen to them and you're like, they are amazing. yeah Oh, their content was so great. Oh, I want to be like them. But I always have to go back to, I have to be me. I have to be my personality. I have to have my, you know, I can improve and I can become better.
00:36:03
Speaker
But I can become a better version of me, but I can't be them because they're them. And anytime I try to be them, I lose the essence of me. Right. And so to me, that's what, you know, like shining our light is all about. Right. Is is is finding who you were meant to be and living your life, your best life, you know, creating your most beautiful life is ah what my books about, because each of us has a beautiful life if we choose to create it.
00:36:33
Speaker
Mm hmm. And it's so what's so funny is that there are I mean, you look at these in the speaker world, right? You look at these great speakers, the the celebrity status ones or, you know, the ones that have been, you know, NFL players or fighter pilots or all this stuff. yeah And it's like and they're charismatic and like you leave the room thinking about them. Right. um But what I found also is that there are people that will just not connect with that because they're like,
00:37:01
Speaker
That is not my life. That is not me. i can't I have not done what you have done. I will never do it. but when But they will connect with somebody like us who's just like, you know what? My life's been pretty normal. i'm just Well, that's how I started out, right? I told you I just have kind of an average normal life. yeah And I had to discover that also. a Years ago when I wanted to get into speaking, I would think, I don't have a great story.
00:37:23
Speaker
I don't have a life changing. I haven't had cancer, not knocking that or I haven't lost a limb. I mean, I don't have this grandiose story and I had that same thought. Not everybody can relate to that. I can't relate to that, but I can relate to someone that's just kind of going through life and wants a little bit more and feel stuck. And then that stuck kind of grows and they, you know, I can relate to that. So I think there is something out there for everyone. And really, there's enough room for everybody to shine their light and to share their gifts. Totally. You know, one of my other power words in my book is abundance. And that's one that I often touch talk on um in my keynotes. But abundant thinking is something you have to learn to tune into, just like tuning the radio to the right station. And it's something you have to do on a regular basis. You know, you don't just tune in once and that it's every day you've got to get
00:38:20
Speaker
tuned up to abundant thinking. And as you do, then you see the world with a lot better view than if you're not, you know, and that goes always back to our choice. Totally, yeah. In your um speaking and with ah you know writing your book and and starting to get engaged with the with the community out there, is are there any stories or experiences from other that other people have brought to you that say, oh my gosh, like this book or what you talk about has made this big difference in my life and they've shared something about how they've been able to transform their lives or or get through their challenges in a different way because of the work that you've done?
00:38:59
Speaker
Yeah, there was just recently I was at Pinner's conference. um It's ah kind of a big event here in Utah and I had spoken and I had met a lady the year before and what was fascinating to me is she came with my book.
00:39:18
Speaker
from the year before that I had already signed. And she said, will you sign it again and give me another little bit of advice? And I thought, OK, you know, but she had been telling me she had connected with me. She wanted to start her own bakery. She had big aspirations. She had done all these things. And so she came back a year later from first meeting her and she wanted to let me know where she was at. And so I listened and then she asked me to sign that again. And so I paused and I just wrote, you know, what I thought I should say to her. It was simple. And then she goes, I'm going to do this every year, you know, and, and.
00:39:59
Speaker
I think though it's those kinds of things. You don't even know the impact you might be having on somebody else. So it's not like this big life changing thing, but to her, the message she heard last year got her to this year and she was looking to fill her cup again and thought maybe I could offer something. The fascinating thing is is I surround myself with people that fill my cup, right? We all do. Totally, yeah. You know what I mean? And so,
00:40:27
Speaker
I guess that's the first thing that comes to mind. They're just these simple little things um where people are like, you know, they come up to you, they hug you, they're in tears or they just say, this is exactly what I needed. And you just almost go, I'm not sure what I just said. That was exactly what you needed. Right. I mean, you feel this like, wow.
00:40:51
Speaker
And then that's when I always remind myself, I'm just a vessel sharing light and words are a way to find happiness and joy. And so if I can help people begin to become aware of their words and look for their own words, then they have the tools to find their most beautiful life. If that makes sense.
00:41:13
Speaker
Yeah, and I love that idea of when we find that for ourselves, and we start to live that kind of life, it's more natural for us to turn around and give that to somebody else. There's a I can't i won't remember remember the exact quote, I don't even remember who said it. But it was this idea of you know, focus and like self-help has always just bothered me because it's focused on self. But the, if the idea of self-help is that so you fill your own
Encouragement and Intentional Living
00:41:40
Speaker
cup, so it's overflowing and you can give away the extra, like that's awesome to me, right? So if we can be cup fillers, not everybody can, you know, write a book or stand on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people, but everybody can do something small. Everybody can give a kind word or give a hug or something. We all have that capacity. So when we are,
00:42:00
Speaker
finding that joy and that fulfillment for ourselves, it's more likely that we're going to give it. And I think that's what's that's where it really comes into what's most important.
00:42:10
Speaker
Yeah, and it really is like that ripple effect, right? So when we are full, then we just naturally can offer it to other people, but you do have to take care of yourself first. And so, yeah, self-help, I know what you're saying, can feel a little inward, but we really do need to become intentional to the way we talk to ourselves, because most of us would never talk as mean to our to others as we would ourselves. yeah and And a lot of it is we're just not even,
00:42:39
Speaker
We're not we're not even cognitive to what we're saying because it's become so Accustomed to us and it's like so comfortable to us And so sometimes when I feel myself going into a negative spin I have just learned to be like stop that's not true and I can redirect myself and And use those tools and so if those tools could help somebody else, I'm happy to offer them, you know so um There's got to be somebody out there. And I'm going to I'm going to point it to one specific person. So we're not talking to everybody. But I know there is a person out there who is listening to this saying, man, kind of like you did. um You know, I was putting on the smile or I'm putting on the smile every day, but I'm not. I don't feel it on the inside. I feel stuck. Life is dark. I just like I can't keep doing this anymore. What would you say to that person? Well, first, I'd say
00:43:36
Speaker
you're doing better than you think. You're probably doing better than you think. So let's pull ourselves back and let's separate the the facts from the story. Like, what are five things that you can appreciate about your life right now? And, you know, yeah that might take you a minute to think about it because it's it's so much easier for us to focus on what's not going well. Totally. Right? Yeah.
00:44:01
Speaker
But if you take a minute and you allow your brain to look for those things, you see them, and then you can ask yourself, what what do you want to change today? And then you you get direction. I think the best thing I could say though, if you were helping someone, is it's okay to ask for help.
00:44:24
Speaker
And truly, I don't think God sent us here to figure out this on our own and find someone to help you, whether it's a therapist, a coach, a mentor, a best friend, share with somebody that you are struggling instead of trying to pretend that everything's okay. As soon as you open your mouth and vocalize,
00:44:47
Speaker
it releases so much of the burden you're carrying. Because oftentimes that other person relates to you more than you might think. When I'm on so on stage speaking, I have found the most success when I'm just vulnerable and I'm open.
00:45:05
Speaker
When I try to be scripted and I mean, I always have like what I want to say, right? Sure. But when I can just be like talking one on one, it goes so much better because that's relatable. It's authentic. It's genuine. Nobody wants someone to be perfect, but.
00:45:23
Speaker
What happens so often, what I've learned in my own self and I've seen as I've worked with others is it's hard to just acknowledge that I'm not happy or I feel unfulfilled in this area. And so.
00:45:38
Speaker
to that person, I would say, you know, ask yourself, who is someone I could talk to or where do I start? And you take one step and the step leads to another one and to another. I wish I could give the formula to say you do this for three weeks and then do this. Sure. Yeah. I always learn those things and it never really worked because I had to customize it to me. But I would say.
00:46:02
Speaker
Focus on what you can do instead of what you can't today. Focus on how do I step forward instead of why is this happening to me? And then the next thing is focus on what you can do and why you want to do it instead of the butts in our lives. You know, like, well, I want to do this, but because that always is kind of like diverting.
00:46:26
Speaker
us being willing to change, you know, I guess. Yeah. So I do have a if people go to my website, I have what's called it's a free little e-book called The One Word Way. People can download it for free. It's just a PDF, but it kind of gives more information on kind of these three terms can versus can't how versus why and and versus but it's just a really simple thing. People can use it in their work workspace or in their family space, but they're all words that we all use all the time. But just becoming aware to those three words and changing those can transform your life. Cool. I love that. So people could go to becomingwithbecky.com and find it. It's pretty easy to find. Great. Yeah, we'll put a link to that in the notes as well. Just as a wrap, is there
00:47:19
Speaker
Anything like
Conclusion: Creating a Beautiful Life
00:47:20
Speaker
last final thought or concept that is important to you that you'd like to share?
00:47:27
Speaker
well I recently applied for a a speaking thing that i you know for and twenty five and um the title that i entitl the title that I felt like I should call it was A Rise and Shine. And I do think that we have much more potential to create better lives. And the power really is within. Whether you believe in God or not, whether your relationship with God is strong or not, whatever.
00:47:57
Speaker
We all have access to words and if you become aware to your words, you can start to become intentional with the words you put on and you can start to leverage your language to create the things that you want. And I would just say, you know, if you're feeling stuck.
00:48:17
Speaker
Don't stay stuck if you don't want to. like Start becoming aware to words. you know Take some of the phrases that you've heard us share today. If you can't come up with your own phrase yet, you can borrow ours. We found it from someone else at one point or another. Totally, yeah.
00:48:31
Speaker
um ah Start looking, you know, not hard but just becoming aware like what words do I need today because I do think that Yeah, if you look at the world, it can be a dark and dreary place and it can be depressing and there's not a lot of hope but I just don't think we're meant to live in that space. And if we do look for the good, we see good and it grows and it grows and there's so much opportunity and possibility out there. It's a way better way to live. Yeah, I love that. We we will absolutely find what we seek. Yeah. Right. And that can go both ways. so Exactly. Exactly. Well, Becky, thank you so much. What a cool conversation. I wish we could do it for three more hours. but
00:49:13
Speaker
Yes, it's been great. Thank you. Yeah, I really appreciate you having here. Thanks for joining us today. I hope you'll join us next time for the Seek the Sun podcast.