Transcript
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah. What's going on? It's Monday. Welcome to nonsensical nonsense. Wow.
Speaker: disturbed me enough before the show started. But what's going on guys? I'm Blick. We got Connor in the building hanging out with us even though he's all crippled up and old and everything like that. Alright, **** you. Lieutenant Dan over here. Lieutenant Dan, you ain't got no back. Lieutenant Connor,
Speaker: You got a magic back. Titanium like on the spaceships. You guys aren't already. Go ahead and check out the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, all that fun jazz. Turn your fucking light back on you weirdo. I just had it did. It was giving off a yellow tinge. Nevermind. You're scary. Go ahead.
Speaker: It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's
Speaker: non nonsensical nonsense because he froze. Yes, nonsensical nonsense. Give it a follow. Give it a like. Give it a listen and give it a share if you be so kind. What's going on Amanda? What's going on? Oh my gosh. I stumbled upon this and didn't know what the name is by the title. This is nonsensical nonsense. Just thinking, you know, some people can't read. Some people are blind with your host, the old tubby bitch.
Speaker: And his co -host the young but physically dying. Broke back. Broke back El Paso. Oh, fuck. What up, Amanda? Oh, yeah. Oh, Lord. We were talking, you said that I look like Eddie Stephen King Monster. And that's where I was like, Kujo was a person. I guess that's the most terrifying
Speaker: creature and Stephen King. I don't know if I mean that that they have an alcoholic clown as a dog. You probably never even see. I've probably never did a good look. Yeah, probably what? Clicky wise, the alcoholic. I said you probably never even seen Kujo. No, I haven't again because I'm under the age of 60.
Speaker: It's basically a three hour movie. It's basically a three hour movie of a family being trapped in their car by a rabbit dog by their rabbit pet. Well, that didn't sound good. It's probably best if you just ignore that.
Speaker: Oh, mom's got it. Tell him you're sorry. All right. She got it. Oh, heavens. Now I've got it. Now I've got it going on behind me. They're supposed to be packing their bedrooms.
Speaker: because I'm moving in in two weeks. That sounds like a title. Sounds like a great podcast title though. You're a really shitty joke. Yeah. Great podcast though. Walking through through the woods. One has a backpack on. Yeah. Or or a great or a great new podcast. Welcome to Sasquatch and the Soldier. Hey, what's up dirty? Welcome.
Speaker: Welcome to Sasquatch and the Soldier. Jody. And if my internet does not get better when I move. Well, that's that's not my fucking fault. Maybe you should go get better Wi -Fi. Alright, finally, he's he's gone and we can talk about more. Sure. I'm actually playing on it. I'm hoping. Oh, I'm hoping that the new place I can. Which by the way, congratulations on that. Goddamn, am I loud?
Speaker: No, you're not allowed, dude. OK. All right, sweet. Just play PlayStation in the middle of your fucking podcast. This is boring. I'm just going to play Fortnite. If you play Fortnite as a grown man, then you are not a man.
Speaker: don't start on the kids. What are you talking about? What about the kids? No, they they're supposed to be packing their their rooms or getting started packing their rooms because I am not venturing into that terrible that that Jesus. I'd much rather go to Walmart again right before Christmas like I did Saturday.
Speaker: So they're gonna pack their rooms. And I unfortunately did not get anything started this weekend because I got busy with other stuff. Getting stuff prepared, getting stuff ready and all that jazz. But once I start packing, it'll just. Congratulations, it doesn't matter where you move to, children will still run in fear.
Speaker: They're not going to run. Mothers are taking their kids off the street and pushing their strollers into random stranger's houses to get away from you. Yeah, we just moved in this really nice gated community. I've only been arrested three times. I did actually. I seen that today. I had to send it to our group chat with Cameron and them because Cameron and Justin are both big Carolina Panther fans and
Speaker: They were both excited and rightfully so. They should have been excited but uh I don't know what's going on with Baker. I don't know what's going on Mayfield. Yeah, he but II honestly, I think he's going to probably wind up in the San Francisco because Jimmy G went down yesterday with the season injuring our season ending injury. So,
Speaker: Words are. So I imagine he's going to probably wind up in San Francisco because they already lost Trey Lance, I think for the season as well, which was their rookie quarterback, but they drafted so. I had to laugh though. I had to laugh because. Carolina fans were pretty excited and then it was just disappointment, but I can't say much because the Sean Watson made his
Speaker: the **** debut last yesterday in Cleveland and that was a **** show if I've ever seen one. Jesus Christ. They won. but the offense was only accounted accounted for six of the twenty -one points that was scored. The defense scored twice and Donovan Peoples Jones, a Michigan graduate. Uh
Speaker: That was a game that should have never been that close by any means. So for as long as it was. But now there's a, you know, two, two, two, uh, two weekends in a row. It's been a good football weekend around here. You know, two weeks ago, we seen Michigan throttle Ohio state and have their way with them. Like they were a prom date.
Speaker: Just in case you forgot, Connor. Maybe. I think it'll work. Another one. Just eat my ass. Look at the scoreboard for the last two damn decades. Glick you suck and so does Michigan. You are all ugly.
Speaker: Oh, my God. Oh, no, he's gone. What do we do? Panic. Yes, go. I can't say that. I don't know how to pronounce it. Does that say losers? I've never seen it spelled that way. Johnny, we need to work on this. So I think what you meant to say was go box, but you typed it in wrong. I think the M.
Speaker: Instead of the instead of the B and the U and the X you put in some weird word that kind of looks like loser to me And a buddy of mine posted Saturday Saturday afternoon, I can't believe I'm saying this but go Purdue beat BTU in So after the after the game Saturday night, I said that didn't age too well did it? No
Speaker: Honestly, if Ohio State can somehow magically pull a win out of their ass against Georgia, which won't happen, then I would love to see a rematch. Can you imagine that a rematch between Ohio State and Michigan in the national championship? That would be the game of the century. And Michigan beat them by another 20 plus points. That would be awesome.
Speaker: Okay. So you don't have to be so disrespectful. First of all, it would be an awesome game though. I'm not going to lie to you. It would be a, it would be an awesome game to see those two playing in the national championship together. Oh yeah. It would be phenomenal. And I would invite everybody over and I can take myself into a, into a small alcoholic coma. Yeah.
Speaker: But it but in all honesty Starting in 2024 We could see them play each other in the playoffs because they're going to a 12 team expansion and they're getting rid of the committee So it's going to be solely based off of conference championships and wins like in the NFL. Well, we could have seen them Play each other this year. I had The place has been done differently Because it's always one and four and two and three It's always how it is
Speaker: So if Michigan had been somehow ranked, or first rather, or somehow ranked fourth in Ohio State first, or Ohio State third, and Michigan second, you know, and Ohio State didn't suck so fucking bad, it might have happened. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. They don't suck that bad. No, they don't suck that bad. It was just how much they just shit themselves in the fourth quarter. It was the entire second half.
Speaker: I mean, it was primarily the fourth quarter, but yes, the entire second half. Well, that's just, that's what I've been telling people the last two years. That's how Michigan's been playing football. They, they keep it close in the first half. And I think they do it intentionally because we went to the league. Yeah. As I said, Michigan keeps it close. And then they come out after halftime and then just.
Speaker: put their foot down on somebody's throat and they don't **** lit up. Well, every time Ohio State plays someone who wants to be even a little bit physical, even if it's your **** the biggest rivalry in all of college football, they just want to **** the **** in bed. Poop the bed. Oh my god, they're hitting us. They can do that. It's only it's only been two years in a row. I know next year. Next year when you lose the third year in a row, then you can then I'll I'll just be on the podcast. Hey Chris, how you doing?
Speaker: You're doing it wrong, Connie. You're supposed to go vertically. No, no, no. I'm doing it for attention, actually. I'm doing it for the scarlet, and then I'll paint my face gray. Oh, OK. You're going to start listening to Black Veil Brides and other emo music. Or I'll just turn on some Nirvana and shh. Hey, it worked for it. Want to see me paint my room red? No, that's going to take you forever. No.
Speaker: Sorry, that was just took a turn. Talking about college football to put in. You know, I apologize. The show just the show just went real dark real quick. Ohio State makes me suicidal sometimes. I apologize. Yeah, well, I mean. They're back in the playoffs. They they they needed
Speaker: they needed USC to lose and to get in at all honesty because and and and even like I was watching ESPN game day and it blew my mind Saturday morning because the entire panel even Herb Street was saying that Michigan should be ranked number one and I'm like you guys not watch Georgia play at all this year. Yeah, but or the last couple years for that matter. But um, Georgia's unfuckin stoppable.
Speaker: but um but um we'll see and and everybody's talking about Ohio State and Georgia and Michigan. Uh don't sleep on TCU man. Those guys were getting their butts in that that championship game.
Speaker: Out of everyone in the playoffs right now, as much as I am a Big 10 fan, if Ohio State doesn't eat Georgia, which they won't, I would love to see TCU win the playoffs. I would love to see TCU win the national championship. Because they're TCU horn frogs and they never do anything. It'd be awesome. This is the first year they made it to the playoffs. I like watching underdogs win. It's fun. Yeah. Oh yeah. And out of the four, they're definitely the underdog.
Speaker: Which is, I mean, part of the reason that Ohio state winning back in 2014 was such a kind of out of the blue thing with on our third string quarterback with fucking honestly, Zeke won us that goddamn Zeke was the reason we won period. You can't argue it Zeke plus defense equals win. Well, you know what that, you know, the old saying when it comes to football.
Speaker: If Zeke is on your side, then go ahead and count it. No, wait, nevermind. Cowboys. The defense is when Zeke's kind of, uh, become slightly, uh, slightly irrelevant this year. I don't know what's going on with him and the cow with, with the Cowboys are killing it. I don't know what's going on with him. Well, I'm not going to say that Zeke fell off, but he sure just hasn't fell on.
Speaker: Love sports sports talk with with people that are either not fans or mediocre fans I just don't I don't find enjoyment out of it. It's not I I've always found college football to seem a little more competitive and
Speaker: Whereas in the NFL, but let me put it this way. I'd rather watch unpaid paid people play their asses off because they know that if they play well enough, they could get paid one day than to watch people who are already getting paid millions and don't give a fuck. And don't get me wrong. I know that they care. I know that they care, but they don't care like CJ Stroud does or well because because of CJ Stroud plays shit next year.
Speaker: And then he doesn't get drafted. What do you think he's going to do in his fourth year with Ohio State? He's going to play his ass off because if he doesn't, he knows he's not going to get fucking drafted or he's never going to play. So they're playing for their spot in the NFL. But that's going to start going away in college football. Now that those guys, those kids are allowed to sign the, uh, NIL deals.
Speaker: And I already get that coming out of high school getting millions of dollars. Look at yours. And now you got the transfer portal where before in college football, if you transferred, you had to sit a season. Now you can enter the portal and you can go wherever you want and automatically start playing right off the bat. Yeah. Um, so I don't mind the transfer portal, the transfer portal to do whatever the fuck it wants. It makes sense to me. Do you want to transfer like transfer? Yeah, no, that's, that's, that's cool.
Speaker: If you're good enough to play on a top 10, top 20 team, and you want to go play for Alabama, but right now you're playing for FCS, you know, fucking leave. Makes sense, but we shouldn't be paying college players. We shouldn't. The only reason college players should be getting paid is if I get another NCAA football.
Speaker: Oh yeah, that's coming back. That's coming back. Is it really? It was supposed to come back 2023, but it's coming back 2024. I believe let's go dude. I will be. I will be pre ordering it. Yeah, I'm looking. I'm looking forward to that. That was that was always that and Madden were like the two yearly and they always came out in October right around my birthday. So they were perfect to me. I didn't do it. I've been here all night.
Speaker: Lies. Sorry, I didn't steal anything from the liquor store. I didn't. I'm drinking Pepsi Mountain Dew tonight. I'm not even drinking alcohol. Oh, nice. I'm proud of you. Sober on a Monday. Well done. Sober Monday. This week anyways. Next week. Who knows? Maybe I'll be back. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not.
Speaker: And I don't drink super often. I drink on the weekends sometimes, but I'm, I'm telling you, I feel like I'm about to become an alcoholic. It's about the only thing that makes my back not feel like it's going to fall apart in the little fucking pieces. This is just relaxes my fucking whole body. Yeah. I still don't, um, they didn't give you anything for like paying or anything like that. You know what they gave me? They gave me an 800 milligram ibuprofen.
Speaker: which is no different than what I take with ibuprofen normally. They were like, you can only take one. If you take two, you're going to get tummy ulcers and you're going to get a tummy ache. And you're going to have to come back here. And they gave me 400 milligram to Proxin, which is like four times the recommended dose for a leave. And then they gave me Tylenol and a muscle relaxer. And muscle relaxer sounds nice, but really all it does is make me fucking sleepy.
Speaker: It doesn't it doesn't help with the pain at all and I just don't know what to **** do. I don't know how to **** I herniated four discs. How do you I've heard of people slipping a disc or slipping two discs. I've never heard of four and one. I mean my my back is just **** 225 or something like I don't know. I don't know like my back's hurt for my back's hurt for years and I've been able to just stick it out.
Speaker: and then my foot started going on. I'm like, maybe I should be **** like that. They got put it on the list. You better be careful. You're going to be living in Mexico next. He said, stick it out. Usually, I just stick it out. Just stick it out. Something serves like I don't know what the **** I might be a coyote. I did put peanut butter on it. Oh, I don't think he'd want a coyote doing that to you.
Speaker: I don't know. I don't know how I managed it but uh hopefully I'm looking at like 100 % disability. It'd be awesome. I just do whatever the **** I want.
Speaker: then I can just come on this podcast and be a regular and actually make you guys some fucking money. So you get paid to do fun things. I would just be happy with the regular co -host at this point. What do you mean? With having a regular co -host that would. Well, I blame Jeff for actually having a life. I blame me for having three children.
Speaker: Well, you can't say Jeff has a life when he never leaves his bathroom. And then and then I blame Tony because he's 90 in his bedtime is at five thirty in the afternoon. It's it's three thirty. He went to bed three hours ago. Oh, but
Speaker: I don't know what's going on with Mike. He
Speaker: You know, he said he was, he was going to be coming back on the show, but he hasn't been back on since. And I was like, all right, well, all right. Uh, and smoke, you know, smoke, smoke's always doing something. Smoke always finds a way to make his way in here. I love listening to smoke smoke, uh, the smoke will sit in here and he will chat your ear off. That's, that's my guy, man. That's my guy right there. Smoke.
Speaker: I just enjoy being a part being a part of this being able to come on here and talk and listen to look at the chatters box see what people say and Bullshit with you bullshit with you and and Jeff cuz one I never I still haven't gotten a chance to see you since fucking Abber Crombie and two Because you know, I've never met Jeff other than the podcast knees I mean, I guess he's pretty cool for a fucking lollipop deal Hey, he's alright
Speaker: You know, Tony's Tony's black. So, you know, he's Tony's smoke. They're black, huh? I guess so. Smoke is smoke. We uh he uh Saturday night we had to we uh we had to do a change name change because out of nowhere, that **** sold me out.
Speaker: what do you mean? Fucker sold me out like like uh like Lando Coward's Lando did to uh to Han Solo out of nowhere out of nowhere he was like started making fun of me going my show my show my show I'm like calm down Judas let me get that knife out of my back real quick I mean it is my
Speaker: You need your print on the box. What? I said, God damn old man, you need the print to be bigger on the chatters box for you. I know I was looking at my window because there was a jet flying out there flying around. I'm looking at they got they got 35s out here. I heard that you asshole. Fucking motherfucker.
Speaker: Tony, what's up, buddy? Good to see you. Good to hear from you. It'd be funnier if you were on the show and I would have said that. But some of us don't go to sleep at 3 o 'clock in the afternoon. I know the nursing home has lights out. He just had to wake up for the fourth time to go pee. Yeah, Tony, they got 35s flat out of Holloman. They do training missions out here.
Speaker: I don't know. Holloman's where uh my wife and I did our hot training for uh our F16s but uh now that we're doing the big old switcheroo and **** they uh they got F35s flying out of Holloman doing some training. Yeah, we get we get uh because Holloman's right up the road. We get some uh airplanes flying over over once in a while. Flew over last night about **** my **** pants. I
Speaker: You know, we're all going to die. Yeah, I would I would like to say, you know, you would think you'd get used to that, but I mean, you do. Well, no, I mean, after living down in Charleston and, you know, the Jets would fly by or the big the big I'm not I don't know what type of plane it was, but like the big cargo planes or whatever, the transport planes or whatever that would that would
Speaker: be so goddamn low that it looks like you can reach up to the bottom of them. Yeah, because they had out in Charleston, they had that guard base out there on the out at the fucking main airport in Charleston, right? Well, we had we had a Navy base. Yeah, C -17. The Air Force Base and then there was a Coast Guard
Speaker: whatever you want to call it there. Post, base, whatever. It wasn't really a base. Just... The Coast Guard, they just kind of have the house. I think they all share. It's kind of like a frat park. That's pretty much what it was. It was like three buildings. And then they handled their boats. Nobody fucking knows what they do. Does anybody know how to look at it? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Work shit real quick. Yeah. I remember what used to be...
Speaker: Yeah, I like I said, I don't know what they were. They're just big ass fucking massive planes that literally look like they were barely, you know, barely clear in the tree line as they come over my house four to five times a day. It was insane. But you would think you'd get used to it. I just never know. I mean, when it's two o 'clock in the fucking morning. Salutations are sons of they all don't get enough respect. They tried to kidnap me.
Speaker: That's true. They don't get enough respect, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to start respecting them. I'm going to shit on them. I'm going to shit on them all day, but I'll give it to them. They do some pretty badass shit. But other than that, they're all fucking weird. Oh, yeah, I'm in the military. Oh, really? What branch? Coast Guard. I thought you said you're in the military. What you're telling me is you're a lifeguard. That's not a military job.
Speaker: What's your job in the military other than taking dead animals off of electric fences that you like to send me pictures of all the time when you lived in Korea? Oh, me? Fucking that's hilarious. That was hilarious. So, at least two to three times a week I was getting pictures of videos of some dead critter on an electric fence and you go, well, guess we got to clean this up. So, story time. We were out doing a security mission out in Korea.
Speaker: uh they were in the desert with us okay what i don't fucking what okay tony lifeguards in the desert that don't make much sense but okay all right this pissing me off i'll get better wi -fi move to your new fucking house and stop complaining about it it's not our fault
Speaker: I don't know if that made it any better or worse. Probably worse. Better. I lost. There we go. Yeah, I don't know what he didn't agree or what his job was, but every time I turned around, I was getting pictures or videos of some dead critter on the fence.
Speaker: They were in the desert. Who was in the desert with you, Tony D? Hold up, Spiderman. The Coast Guard was in the desert with you.
Speaker: But, um, my, my technical issues and this killing the conversation. So I'm trying to see what Tony's saying here. It's been a Monday and this is just continuing into the Monday. I got, I took a fucking 24 foot fiberglass ladder to the face today. That was exciting. First thing we fucked this fucking this morning.
Speaker: trying to change lights on the side of the building and weight shifted on it as I was moving and it came crashing down and wow, right to the side of my face. So I was done after that for the rest of the day. So it's like whole side of my face is just killing me right now. Fortunately, I didn't bruise or have any black eyes.
Speaker: Uh, I just had a spiral from there. It's just crazy day at work today. And my back, I won't, not my back, but my shoulder is killing me again. So I'm hoping I don't ease up before I fucking move because yeah, but I should have plenty of help for when I do move. I think I've got like three or four of my buddies that are going to come help.
Speaker: A million times easier So anyway, where were we I? Was just talking about how I took a 24 -foot fiberglass ladder to the face today. Ah idiot Yeah, well, what are you gonna do first thing in the morning on a Monday? That's what you get for being a dumbass. Not liking black people like Tony. I heard you say it
Speaker: just just the ones like Tony. All the other ones are okay. Maybe it's just Tony at all. But you said they were all the same. No, I didn't. Those were spokeswords, not mine. You mother. We we already have Jeff and Smoke. We've we've met our our racist quota for the show. We don't need anymore. So, you're gonna have to find a new job.
Speaker: That's right story time right Korea, right? Yeah, we were talking about you and Critter control We're out on this security mission and the the guard check that we're at yeah Was out in the middle of the fucking woods in in Korea somewhere fucking unknown location and fucking irritating anyway and
Speaker: We're out there and they're like, yeah, there are rats out at the guard shack. Y 'all can have one person sleeping while the other two are on guard, you know, and so we kept, we would do that little rotation. One person was on guard while, while, or two people were on guard while one was sleeping and you could hear the little fucking like, there really are fucking rats around here. It was like, whoa, we found rat traps. So we set up the rat traps, fucking caught one. And the dude was still alive, but the guy that was,
Speaker: Who's now part of my squad fucking grabbed some uh, he grabbed some I don't think it was c -wire but he grabbed some fucking wire And tied it around this fucking rat's neck and pulled it tight until it died And then it hung it from The fucking the barbed wire fence the the razor wire the c -wire fence hung it from that and then put uh You said that's enough racism
Speaker: Yeah, let's choose our words very wisely. He put a sign underneath it in German. And what's that guy doing now in the civilian world? Oh, he's a serial killer. Oh, no, he's still in with us. But that's why I don't name names. Yeah. What happened? What happened yesterday? You said working the game was bad for you. What happened? You OK? Working the game. Working the game. What game?
Speaker: Bengals game Are you from Ohio and you're a Michigan fan? Burning hell. I mean Yeah, you look Chris. You found someone like you It's my ex -girlfriend. Oh Well, if you're yeah, well It's hard for me to like Wolverine fans
Speaker: She's a good Wolverine fan like me. You're not a good Wolverine fan. You're a Satan. We all know it. I don't know about all that but she's a good Michigan fan. She's a good one. All that talk about sitting outside the the pearly gates with the couch is just because you know you'll never be let in because you're out there every weekend sacrificing some
Speaker: says the guy who strung up a freaking rat. I didn't string it up. I just watched it happen and thought it was hilarious. A word we've used on this show a lot. Guilty by association. However, I will admit I'm throwing baby rats at a cinder block wall and watching them explode was hilarious.
Speaker: I'm so glad you finished that. You're like, I will admit to throwing babies. I said baby rats. I know. I said baby rats. They were like this fucking big and I chucked them at the wall. And when you chuck a baby rat at the wall, warning if you're a big PETA person. Sorry. Took the rats and fucking. And when they hit the wall, their innards become their outers.
Speaker: drunk's fights had to, Jesus, a fight over ketchup. Ah, that's blood, dear. That's in, that's in Bengals fans for you. They're all a little, a little special, a little touched in the head. That's somewhere else too. Anywhere. Jesus. I shouldn't have done the show tonight. Maybe I should have just go like that. It stuck to the plan and not done the show tonight.
Speaker: Oh shit. Hey, I'm, for the record, you're the one who messaged me. Hey, are you doing the co -host tonight? I did message you. So if you're here to blame anybody about why this show is vulgar, blame yourself. Also you're asking for no risque jokes, but you're, you're normal risque people aren't here.
Speaker: So you need someone. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything about risk age. Shut up, Tony. We already met our racist quota for the show between Jeff and smoke. We don't need another racist. Tony, the only, the only reason you're on here is so that Glick show doesn't get shut down for reasons. You were talking about throwing baby rats or whatever. And,
Speaker: and Peter getting involved if they hear you. Those. They can try and cancel this show all they want. It's not big enough to get canceled. Well, those those lunatics also said that like the the old fashioned like mouse traps and rat traps, you know, the snap ones. Yeah, we're in humane and that the humane way to capture and kill rats and mice was to use glue boards.
Speaker: that's **** horrible. That's way worse. You know how they die when they get no mice like rodents and stuff. The reason they're always running around like lunatics like a bunch of little crackheads because once they stop moving, they can't they can't keep their body temperature up. So, that's why they sleep and like huddled up in groups. Yeah. So, they basically die of uh uh they freeze today. Tony, that's not true. I'm here because Glick needs me. I'm
Speaker: And then over this, you know, of course what? Hello, young Glick. I can't tell if she's waiting. I can just see her body moving weird. I have no idea what she's doing. So, you know, when I would come across a glue board that had a mouse or a rat or whatever on it,
Speaker: that was still half alive. I just put another glue board on top of it and lightly applied pressure with my foot until you heard the pop of basically their neck breaking. Yeah. I didn't stop when I'm like, oh, let me, let me squish him and watch all his energy go flying everywhere. It was fun.
Speaker: It's a little demented. Was it a little fucked up? Yes, it was extremely fucked up. In fact, I feel a little bad about it. How would you feel if a bunch of giants ran in your house and just started slinging your kids up against walls until they exploded? I'd be like, you know what? That's fair. They're way bigger than us. We're probably on their grounds.
Speaker: It's the circle of life. Sorry. I learned it from. Yeah. She's like, sorry, sorry, bud. It's a circle. They're like, if some giant came along and he started burning us with an enormous magnifying glass, it'd be like, ah, shit, this is going to hurt, but I don't blame him. What can you do?
Speaker: You, sir, are the apex predator. You may have your way. Do it every day. It's like I remember my dad when I was younger as I can peel in the bark off of one of the trees in our backyard just because I was being a fucking idiot kid. And he's like, hey, you know, that shit doesn't grow back, right? He's like, what if I made you stand still and I peeled the skin off your body? I'd be like, well, that would really suck.
Speaker: And now I'm looking back on it thinking, you know, that would really suck. But if I was unable to move and I hadn't moved for my entire life and all I did was breathe and take up everybody else's water. You know what? Fair. Fair enough for me. You might need to see a mental therapist and not a physical therapist.
Speaker: Already am they said that's almost as fucked as my back. Yeah, I was gonna say you are That's why you there's something on you need me Let me go ahead and put on
Speaker: It changed my hat here. Tony, he hasn't invited me on this show just because you're not here. You're way too tame. He needs me on this show because without me, there's not enough entertainment. He doesn't have enough thoughts in his itty bitty head. Let me change my title there. Dr. Glick, I got my therapist hat on now. I'll wait for you to change it to the champ and then pull out the bill.
Speaker: Let's dive into the psyche of Connor, shall we? Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen. That's going to be a three -episode series. Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen. This is not going to be for the faint of heart. That could start a whole fucking podcast.
Speaker: in and of itself. Hey Sasquatch and the Soldier. Welcome to Sasquatch and the Soldier, Monday Night Soldier's Corner. Today we're going to talk about how many times that Connor wanted to kill his coworkers and how he wanted to do it. Well this one I wanted to put on meat hooks while still alive and then slowly carve their flesh.
Speaker: while listening to their screams. Sorry, this is some saw shit. You're still active duty, aren't you? Listen, you need crazy fucks like me with a gun in their hand. Walther and the military. Once they get out of the military, that's when you take the guns away and you're like, okay, you did your job, buddy. No, no, no, no, no, away from the guns.
Speaker: And then that's when like, you know, we get restless and tired and that's when, you know, bad things happen. So that's why you got to like give them the VA and say, yeah, no, no, no. Keep coming to this hospital. Do I need it? No, we can't help you. We just need to keep your mind preoccupied. Where's Tony on this? See, I'm determined that
Speaker: There should be more pranks pulled at the VA. There should. You know what? Maybe we won't get enough. I'm going to regret this. Nope, nope. Don't ask. I am backing out of this because. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to regret asking this, but you brought it up.
Speaker: What kind of pranks should be pulled at the VA? What's going on, Craig? What kind of pranks are you offering or are you wanting to bring to the table? Oh my God, I can't get rid of the Twitch bots. So my favorite one is a classic. This is the one that I came up with.
Speaker: And that's, that's the walk in with a handful of M 80s into the mental health ward where everyone's got PTSD. Now, if somebody did this to me, I would shit my pants, but I would laugh afterwards after I had a panic attack and attack and started hitting people. What up, Chris?
Speaker: and started hitting people. Then after it was over and there was like, ah, there's a prank. There's a camera there. There's a camera there. And everyone's crying in a corner. What are you guys doing with a K bar? Ashton Kutcher is just going to jump out of a closet at the psych ward at the VA and be like, well, I got to help you guys. Well, my buddy, my buddy said that it would be good. And this is a guy who's getting removed for his own reasons. Anyway.
Speaker: He mentioned that it would be even funnier if you got a louder boom. So if you did like. An empty pipe bomb that didn't have frag in it. So like a concussion grenade. Yeah, yeah, so like the pipe bomb goes off, so it's super loud and it makes a big explosion, but there's no frag in it, so it doesn't hurt anybody.
Speaker: No, no, no, no, no, no. See, you people are just so close. Instead of making a goddamn bomb, just throw a flashbang in there. Flashbangs don't, they are not as cool.
Speaker: They're not as fun. My level of expertise with flash bangs and concussion grenades doesn't go any farther than Call of Duty. And I know how frustrating and aggravating they are on Call of Duty. My personal favorite is to hide a 240, which is a machine gun, with blanks inside of the closet in the VA psych ward. And then as people are walking in for the day, it is...
Speaker: And then everybody loses their fucking minds and you walk up like, gotcha. If I can be funny, it's funny because people will cry and fear. Sorry. I mean, you can't say that it wouldn't be at least a little bit funny.
Speaker: next next thing if you stop stop next thing you tell me you're going to your your next prank is running into Sandy Hook with with two assault rifles with blanks and then just going bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop
Speaker: man. Tony went away and I think he would find this funny either that or he's just in the background thinking to himself **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Speaker: I knew the rabbit hole. I was going down and I knew the thing is the rabbit hole goes deeper. I just, I, even I have a line where I cut myself off or other people, cause my mind's continuing to go down. It's just the only, the other parts of this cause death and destruction and pain and agony. And there's a point where you got to stop and realize you're speaking to the public here. You're giving them a taste, just a taste of what we think about. If you give them the, if you give them the full meal, then we have problems.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I'm trying to figure out what you just said, but it was probably I appreciate all that you do for this show. Connor, thank you for getting us this on sponsor. That's obviously not a bot. Those were exactly my words. I assume so. You're welcome. That is verbatim verbatim motherfuckers.
Speaker: verbatim. That's exactly what I said. I just don't know what you would do without me, Chris. Oh, it's Monday. I've got nothing to do. I guess I'll drink or I can hop on to the show with Connor and then be six beers deep after two minutes. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, you want to know why Glick drinks on the show. Have you seen my co -host? Have you heard my co -host? Have you?
Speaker: I had to, I had to start writing a sequel, a follow -up to the first book. I haven't even finished all the reasons Glick drinks just to dedicate one book to this podcast and all of my married band of idiots. Glick's just sitting, Chris is just sitting there after a podcast. Dear diary, Connor talked about growing rats up against the wall and watching their insides become their outsides.
Speaker: Then he talked about murdering people at the VA. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. He talked about making people think they were going to get murdered and saying there's a camera there and camera there as if it was a joke. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. The NSA can see this. Trust me, this is my FBI agents that have been watching me. I've got something good here.
Speaker: Finally, my FBI agent said are in charge of watching me have stopped killing themselves out of it's all fun. It's all fun and games until CID shows up at my door and fucking arrest me because I said some silly shit. OK, for civilians in the room, what's CID? It's the equivalent of like NCIS for the Navy. Oh, the Criminal Criminal Investigation Department, something like that. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Look at that. I'm good with the alphabet here. Federal Bureau of incest. I mean investigations. That's that's located in Alabama. They have a sub station in West Virginia. Somebody has somebody the other day commented on what do I what am I? I don't know who's on Snapchat or Instagram or something.
Speaker: was like, oh, I could have swore you're an Alabama fan. What? I would rather kill myself. What the hell gave you that idea? I said, first and foremost, I have more than three teeth in my head and I've never impregnated a family member. So I'm not qualified to be an Alabama fan. No, you're not. Yeah, I woke up this morning, made sure I brushed my tooth. Two faces. My two first. Oh, nope. Just my one tooth. I only got one.
Speaker: but I tell you what, it's pearly Brown. Tony's in Alabama fan. Better be careful. What an idiot. Yeah, how's it going for you this year? You douche. Oh God. He's going to comment. How many do you guys got? How many of you won? How many times you made it to the playoffs? How many national championships do you have? Oh yeah. How's your record with Clemson?
Speaker: Ouch. I mean, not that our record with Clemson. I was going to say, you guys. But I never claimed to be the greatest team in the world, like Alabama does, and like ESPN claims that they are. I hope that Alabama becomes a losing franchise. I hope that one day, Ohio State plays Alabama during the regular season, and they're super hyped up. They do.
Speaker: 2024 I think. I will be happy to watch Alabama shit the bed worse than Ohio State did against Michigan this year. So Chris. So Connor. What's uh what's new? I heard that things are going well for you in your life based off of the last podcast that I didn't get to finish because
Speaker: you work. Thank you for making me show up to work when there's nothing to do and we just sit around for hours watching other people do **** and then uh sorry. Anyway, what's new with you, Chris? Before I kill myself. No, Connor, please call another. No, I'm tired about the military. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I haven't gotten my med board papers yet. I can't say all the things I want to. In fact, I probably went entirely too far and I'm
Speaker: I don't know. We don't have any. I don't know. I don't know how to edit. Uh you can put it back in after after I'm out. I don't know how to edit audio or anything like that. So, well, I'm going to need to work on that. What's done is done. Well, fuck. Well, what's what's for the record, I promise that I am not going to hurt anyone other than
Speaker: Plus work keeps going the way that it is. But anyway, what's new with you, Chris? Well, as we talked Saturday night, you know, I did get approved Friday for my new place, which I'm so excited for. So I went Friday and dropped my deposit.
Speaker: I get my lease signed and move in on the weekend in two weeks, weekend of the 16th. That's going to be a crazy weekend. I definitely will not be here for the show because Saturday I'm moving in. I'm also supposed to be going to see rum spring or Saturday night. So what you're telling me is that when you're doing all that stuff, it's going to be more.
Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the critical thoughts of Connor. I'm going to deny everybody access to the show when I'm not here.
Speaker: don't do that. Jeff and I have time. Ladies and gentlemen, Saturday the 17th, there will be no show because it's the 17th. Yeah. Oh, the 17th is when my Christmas leave starts. Boy, I'll be off speaking of the starting on the 17th through January 3rd. I will be able to be on here a little more often. Give me time to
Speaker: It'll give me time to actually plan out when the show is happening because I'll be on leave. So I won't have to go into the depression of where I work. But okay.
Speaker: but no, I am, I am, I am super excited about getting that place because I mean, we're more than doubling the size of where we're at now. And you know, the, the girls are going to kind of have their, the, the, the third bedroom is upstairs and that's all it's upstairs. It's just that bedroom. So they're going to kind of have their little, kind of like a little private spot for them for themselves. You know, they, they can kind of get away from everybody. Um, the benefit of two bathrooms. Oh my God, I cannot wait to have a second bathroom. You only have one bathroom.
Speaker: Boy, yeah, that sucks But um, yeah, like I said just a size and there's nothing wrong with the neighborhood I live in I you know, I like the neighborhood I like my neighbors and stuff like that. But um, this is just this one's this is just a little bit nicer a little bit newer You know, so I got a little patio area where I'll be able to give me a smoker and a grill I saw I'm probably gonna give me a smoker and maybe like a hibachi grill thing or something a hibachi grill a
Speaker: you know, one of the one of the **** like, yeah, I got you. I got you. Why would you want one of those? Why not? I can do pancakes on that **** I can do bacon and you know, eggs and **** I can do all kinds of **** on there. You know what else you can make pancakes, bacon and eggs and burgers on it. Well, I mean, burgers, you want to do on a grill but you know what else you can put on a
Speaker: Yeah, but why would I do that when I got like one of them full flat top grills and I can go outside and it's nice out and drink a beer and. Well, then put your skillet on your normal grill. I don't want to.
Speaker: One of them flat top girls. They're cool. Oh, that's fine. You can keep being sound real fucking judging. Just let me live my best life over here I'm sorry. Oh, that's what I was gonna say You mentioned on Saturday because again because I was watching the podcast this morning You mentioned on Saturday that people were kicking you while you were down and I gotta say I think that I would rather be kicked while I was down than kicked while I was on my way out
Speaker: I don't remember saying that but you did. You did because you were talking about uh you were mentioning how things are finally starting to look up because uh it felt like you're getting kicked while you're down and all that. Oh yeah. And you know, it seems like such a common phrase like, oh yeah, you're kicking me while I was down and I, you know what, if I'm already down, sure, kick me. **** it. But if I'm trying to stand back up and you
Speaker: I think you ought to think about that, Chris. Or have you ever been standing up and you feel like you're on cloud nine and then somebody just kicks you right in the kneecap and makes it fold backwards? Yeah, that's what we were talking about. We've talked about that before on the show.
Speaker: life has a funny way of every time you start to take 10 steps forward, you get that kick in the dick, knocks you back 20 steps, which is not how I'm thinking. The last year has been a real eye opener, a real awakening, so to say. And as Jody reminds me all the time, I'm new Chris, not old Chris. So it feels good to
Speaker: Finally, after the last five years and everything that's been going on or whatever, I finally feel like I'm somewhat back in control and I'm getting back to almost the spot I was when I was in Charleston. So I got a really good job. I like my job. I like my company. I got the kids now getting this new place and everything like that.
Speaker: just a lot of good things going on. I can, I can tell the difference. I want to, I wanted to mention that like you, you definitely seem better coming from someone who's not great mentally. You seem better mentally. You seem like you're in a, in a better place. Like you have more confidence and you have more, a little more charisma. Like you've always been very outgoing and willing to put yourself out there. And, and I, I mean, I've obviously been,
Speaker: watching when watching you over the last couple of years since you left Abercrombie and then seen some of the things that have been going on in your life. And I just think it's good to see you moving if not at your highest point moving in the direction of
Speaker: being more confident being happier with yourself and And moving in the right direction and giving less fucks about what other people think I want to let you know I'm proud of you for that Watching watching you drink a little bit less is also pretty cool Yeah, I was uh, you know that unfortunately has always been a crutch for me You know a lot of times
Speaker: Yeah, and go get one. They're amazing. Don't judge me. I want manicure and pedicure. You shut up, you judgmental Brian. They're freaking amazing. They feel great. I've never had one, but in the little Asian ladies that do them, they're always so supportive. They seem like they're supportive in English and assholes and
Speaker: I don't know if it's like Taiwanese or whatever the **** things. Yeah but I think it's kind of the same thing with like the German language. It's a very scary language and very aggressive even when they're being nice. One day, I'm a I'm a walk in and I'm going to go get like a Manny Petty and I'm going to put Google Translate on my phone with the audio button turned on and I'm just going to have my AirPods in. Oh, I used uh I
Speaker: Abercrombie with the truckers. Why? Because a lot of them didn't speak English. That's not your problem. Yeah, I know. But it just made my life a lot easier. I used it when I worked. I originally got it when I worked down in Charleston for working. Because I had a lot of customers that were Asian or Middle Eastern or Russian or whatever. I mean, from
Speaker: And it just made everybody's lives easier because their English was okay, but it wasn't great. And obviously I didn't speak any of their languages, Mexicans and stuff like that. So we would use that and we could, we could talk back and forth and, and, you know, figure out what was going on or I could tell them what I was going to do and everything else. Um,
Speaker: Now, Google Translator or an app like that is amazing. It makes everybody's life easier. I'm not going to be that guy that's going to be like, you're in America, so you need to speak my language. We need to speak Americanese if you're in my land, foreigner. So why not make life a little bit easier? For everybody.
Speaker: I, I prefer to be a curmudgeonally old racist American. I'm kidding. That's obviously sarcasm. You already hear folks. You hear that CID? Oh, CID won't do **** about it but my first horn will tell me that that's EO and that I'll get **** You hear that, Jag? Jag. Jag. I don't know. Oh, Jag.
Speaker: What's the lawyers or something? Right. I don't know. Yeah. Jag. Jag. Jag is the, uh, their military lawyers. They're actually all pretty good people. That's different. You're Mexican, Brian. Brian's Mexican. No, he's not. He just looks Mexican. Brian's got a white ass name for a Mexican. Dick has a problem with men. Golden delicious. What? Could I, could I get the Mr. Macy's whole pack?
Speaker: You have any V bucks? Yeah. I do have a lot of V bucks. You better not be out there buying V bucks. No, I'm not. I just play a lot. No, it's 2 ,100 V bucks and I have 4 ,400. There's no way you have 4 ,400 V bucks. Hold on one second. Oh Lord.
Speaker: I'm not ready for that. Yeah, my kids uh my oldest son the other day was playing on my PlayStation and uh I got a notification from PSM that said that we spent like twenty -seven hours. I'm like, the **** is this? And uh yeah, a kid bought like two games and like, how the **** are you buying? Are you buying games? Uh but yeah, I'm not. No, that's uh. It's not a **** thing.
Speaker: Oh, Chris, you're back. I thought I was excited. It was my show for a minute. But, uh, yeah, no, fuck all that. Did he really get V -Bucks? Did he buy them or did he really earn them? No, sure enough, that kid had four hundred forty four hundred fucking V -Bucks. I don't know how, but I got to check my bank account. Make sure he's not out there buying V -Bucks.
Speaker: You say that but his mom did that to me. After we split up. Oh. Why the **** did they leave this goddamn door open? Oh god. Here we go. Technical difficulties. Four days. Who me? I don't know if it's on my side or Connor's side. It sure as **** ain't my side.
Speaker: Yeah Yeah, you said about a credit card It happened to me His mom got my ass. Thankfully it was a small limit and thankfully capital one was fantastic when I filed the fraud thing But um
Speaker: I didn't wind up having to pay back or anything like that, but still aggravating. It's still frustrating. It's all hell at the end of the day. I don't have a problem with men. Delicious. Really? So descriptive. Glick, are you laughing at your own jokes again? I don't know what the fuck is going on, man.
Speaker: can you not hear me or if it's if it's him that's having all the issues if you can hear me, give a thumbs up, Brian. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if it's you that keeps glitching out or if it's me that keeps glitching out because I'm it's probably you but my my connection is perfect as my usual my connection is perfect. I mean, I literally have my phone on right now. I'm my
Speaker: that's a a nice watch you got on there, Chris. Did you get it from the douche store? I don't know. Ask your mom. She bought it for me. Uh you **** my mom. I didn't say that. That's kind of gross. Assume that. I know. I mean, that's usually where the jokes go. I mean, if you want that, then I mean, that's on you but kind of nasty. Brian with the thumbs up.
Speaker: at all.
Speaker: Yeah, I have no idea if that helped at all or not, or if it just completely fucked everything up. I don't know, these technical difficulties are getting them. What the fuck is that? Chat with us. Who do you want me to chat with? Oh. Streamyard apparently wants to chat with me. I don't know, a thing popped up and was like, chat with me. Who gave you, who gave her a manic kind of headache? Who?
Speaker: You and Manny Pettis, man. Just go get one. Just go get one. You're clearly obsessed with them. Just go get one. They're amazing. I haven't had one in a long time, but I have gotten them before. They are nice. It's very relaxing, very super, if you will. Makes you feel all pretty and stuff. Good heavens.
Speaker: My kid freaking out because he can't he doesn't know when the library closes and we have to take the books back today. And I'm just like, I don't know what fucking time the library closes. He's like, well, maybe I ask. Maybe if I ask Alexa, I was like, well, Alexa is not going to know what time the fucking library closes. I'm bliss. And here. Oh, dude. Well, I mean, they have a drop box. You can drop the books off.
Speaker: I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don
Speaker: a little me day, a little paper day for myself. Go get a massage, a little mani -pedi, get my hair dead. By that, I mean go get a haircut and get my beard trimmed.
Speaker: But there's nothing wrong with guys doing that. We deserve to be pampered and spoiled every once in a while too. A lot of guys, mainly one who's on the show with me from time to time, Tony D would probably not admit it because I'm a man, but I don't do that. Not gonna catch me getting my nails and toes, he's dead.
Speaker: But it's very relaxing. It's good for your soul. It's also good for your mental health just to take a day. I just haven't done it in a very long time. I don't think I've done it since I've been back home to Ohio, to be honest with you. It's been a lot longer than that since I've actually had an actual massage. But again,
Speaker: Or given the line of work I worked in, when I worked down in Charleston, I had customers who owned nav salons and whatever you wanna call them. Dude, I am really thinking about going to a chiropractor just to have them realign me.
Speaker: dislocate me whatever they need to do to make my back feel better, make my shoulder feel better. Right now, I got too much other shit on my plate, but once everything settles down, I think I am gonna go see a chiropractor just to see if they can realign everything that popped me all back into place and all that jazz.
Speaker: Yeah, sorry about that.
Speaker: Yeah, I'd say it took it took a deep breath and something popped in my back and then I felt like I couldn't fucking breathe. Well, let's let's let's be honest. We all know what you did. You ran back to the bathroom and change your tampon because you're acting like a real pussy right now. You can't eat my fucking asshole, bro. I would. There's no way to relieve this pain, man. I'm sorry. I'm always fucking with you. Trust me. As as a guy with a bad back,
Speaker: And I know the pain that I go through when my back goes out and walking around like the hunchback and Notre Dame and every breath I take, I'd rather throw myself out a window than breathe. Yeah. Oh man. They're like, they're talking about, Oh, all I did was lean back in my chair. Um, they're talking about like,
Speaker: whether or not they're trying to figure out whether or not there's any sort of like surgery that's uh that's going to be viable to actually help me or if it's going to do more damage than it would do good and I'm just sitting here like dude I don't fucking know but if you're not going to give me surgery you better give me some fucking oxycodone or something some hydrocodone I can't fucking when it gets so bad that I can't sleep at night because I slept through pain before man I just there's this pain is something else
Speaker: I don't uh I don't normally bitch and gripe too too much about being in pain but **** dude. I can't handle this **** **** sucks. That's a very good idea. You should do that walk straight like a normal person and that walk like uh and not like Yeah, I was talking about me
Speaker: straighten me out and align me and all that **** I I would go to a chiropractor. I would go to an acupuncturist. The only thing that I won't do is I'm **** epidural cortisone shots. Yeah. Acupuncturist is is is is pretty cool, man. I've done it once and it's a it's a pretty wild experience.
Speaker: I might be willing to try acupuncture, but they keep telling me, uh, because they mentioned like, yeah, sometimes we do, uh, epidural cortisone shots and you've had kids, you know, what, uh, epidural is. And so what they do is they bend you over and they stick a fucking, uh, a needle in between your fucking vertebra.
Speaker: and uh inject your essentially inject your spine with uh cortisone as a steroid and it's supposed to help out with the pain but you have to go once a week and they're like sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't do anything i'm like why the fuck would i suggest subject myself to getting a shot in my spine once a week if it's not going to do anything
Speaker: I'd rather just have surgery and you paralyzed me from the waist fucking down. Be rolling around, looking like Joe fucking Swanson. Later, I don't know what you did with my cookie jar, but I swear if it's on the top shelf, I'm going to murder you. I knew you could do that voice for some reason. That's why I started laughing. I just knew it was going to happen.
Speaker: I'm a paraplegic. You know, I can't reach the top shelf. Oh, heaven. Oh, Joe's one of my favorite characters on that show. Joe's always a great character.
Speaker: Patrick Warburton, he does his voice. Oh, it's wonderful. Poison, the poison for Cusco. The poison designed specifically to kill Cusco. That poison? Yes, that poison. He did that, he was in the tick and that shit was fucking hilarious.
Speaker: Yeah, it's one of those Mondays, ladies and gentlemen. I need to do some research or something on if we're if we're going to do these Monday night shows, I need to come up with some like current events so that we don't just sit here and talk about my poor mental health. I mean, that's a current event. That's a current event, but I just need a spinal decompression. I just need a spinal nitro glycerin injection. Oh, your boyfriend's to stop compressing your spine and you'll be all right. God damn.
Speaker: stop going over to Brian's house, Chris. Oh, what do you want me to do? He keeps asking me to come back. What do you want me to do? I'm a sucker for a hairy asshole. I'm a sucker for a short fat Mexican. I'm a sucker for a quarter in the ass. You're a sucker for a hairy asshole. What can you do?
Speaker: that's why I uh I make Jeff Martin drink beer for dick money. What are you doing for dick money? You said that backwards. No, I think I did. I think I've made my point clear. No, it's just uh
Speaker: usually most fun days, man. I like I said, I've just been kinda just ever since getting smacked in the face with a ladder this morning. I've just been kinda like fuck today. I don't know. I got hit in the head with a ladder. I got hit in the head with a missile. Shut up. I'm no expert. I'm no missile or anything like that but
Speaker: I'm pretty sure if you got hitting there with a missile, unless you walk into one that was. Funny story. That's exactly what happened. I was launching out of a jet while we're uh I was like **** twenty below and uh snow on the ground and I slipped a little bit. I went to catch my footing and
Speaker: on one of the fins of an AIM -9 missile. And I grabbed my headset, put it back on, and when I put it back on, I brought my hand down, and I was like, oh, my hand's red. And I looked at the snow beneath my feet, and there was blood on the snow. I was like, ah, that's good. Severe head trauma. That explains a lot. Oh, yeah. No, I got like four TBIs, three or four TBIs now. While I was in Korea, we were walking up a hill, and I slipped.
Speaker: But it wasn't just that I slipped. I was slipped while I had this big land nap post in my fucking hand. And these things are fucking two by fours. And I, the fucking thing went straight into the ground and I just landed square on it with my cheekbone and it knocked me the fuck out. So there's TBI number two. And then when I was 16, I dropped a battery on the, on the ground off the, uh, off my countertop and then I bent over to reach down and grab it.
Speaker: And nobody mentioned to me that you should probably take a step away from the counter before you bend over towards the counter. So anyway, the next thing I knew I was waking up on the floor. And I didn't know what I was doing on the floor. I thought I was looking for a battery. My mom was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, lay down, lay down. Why am I laying down? Yeah. Why am I laying down? What the hell is going on here?
Speaker: Looks like I feel like I just took a nice little nap. Can I get up now? I'm not tired anymore. I do feel like I have to throw up, but I'm not tired. Don't be jealous just because I refuse your knob. Oh, can't be. Can't be refused. Brian, are you claiming that you're the top in this relationship?
Speaker: He's too short to ride this ride. Are you the little horny Chihuahua? He's too short to ride this ride. He's just a horny Chihuahua on the back of a Doberman. That's all. Pumping the air instead of the person. Was it good for you? You never, you never did anything. Yeah, I had a good time. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See you all. Oh, I should have. Nice try, People's Bank. Never even heard of you. Let me click that link and see what it does. Uh oh.
Speaker: people's bank. We've detected a fraud alert on your account. Click here to find out more. Okay. We'll see what that is. It's probably my **** son buying 9 million V bucks. Back there out there. I don't know how the hell you wind up with so many. That reminds me. I
Speaker: but he can't buy anything because I have one of those pass codes or whatever it is for the Xbox. So it's not like he can buy anything without it. Oh shit. Nope. No Xbox purchases working. We are good.
Speaker: Except for the kids fighting in the background. Cuz cash is annoying the girls while they pretend to pack their room. But, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do, the alpha? King Click Baratheon. It's been a shitty show tonight, but it is what it is. What are you gonna do?
Speaker: I'm gonna give it another half hour and I'm gonna end it. I'm gonna put it out of its misery. I just wasn't feeling it tonight. At all, in any way, shape or form. One of those Mondays. Heavens to Betsy. I love my children. I can't remind myself of that fairly often. That bad?
Speaker: I know for a fact that I love at least one of the three of them. Well, 30 % passing grade. That's how I got through high school. I don't think 30 % is a passing grade. That's not what my math teacher told me. Numbers are not a strong point for you. She said, if you can get a 30 % that I will make sure that you don't have to come back to this class next year.
Speaker: And what, guess what happened? I got a 30%. And I don't have to go back. God love that woman. You sound like, that sounds like my senior English teacher. How that woman was still alive at 950 years old. I'll never know, but she told me because she could not stand me. She's like, if you do four speeches,
Speaker: I'll pass you and you never have to come back here the rest of the year. It was the only class I had in my senior year. I was like, you're going to let me get up in front of the class and talk. Bet. It's better than letting me come up in front of the class and talk. Well, I'm sure when you were 18, you weren't quite in the military. So you weren't as mentally disturbed as you are now.
Speaker: If anybody, and I mean anybody, allowed me into their, oh, that has, oh, oh, I'm putting that back. If anybody from any school invites me to come speak at their school, they're making a mistake. So anyway, we were there in the deserts and I just started blasting.
Speaker: We were in the jungle. We were surrounded by Nazis in the Charlie. We were surrounded by the Nazis, the Vietcong, and North Koreans. 25. Wrong, wrong wars. The Cubans were coming from our backside, and that's not a typical Brian Friday night. Man.
Speaker: that wasn't a back problem. I hit my funny bone, scared the **** out of me. Yeah, no, but uh no, that's what she told me and she and I agreed to it and then she was like, alright. So, I, as in me, she said, you can pick one subject. The other three subjects I'm going to pick and two of them are going to be impromptu and basically, what I tell you is what you have to go up and do a five -minute
Speaker: Yeah, well, she's just one on butter and I was up there for like 25 minutes and she kept telling me I was done and I just kept going. Nope, you wanted this. You wanted this. I'm going. You wanted this. Chris, the bell rang 10 minutes ago. Nobody's here. There's another class coming in. We'll continue this.
Speaker: So as I was saying Betty Crocker, it's the end. It's the end of the day. This is detention. Ah, sweet. I still have an audience. He's a little attention. All right. Who's the podcast? Hello. It's my show.
Speaker: Oh, geez. It's my show and I do everything. Get on your knees and bow down to the great Glick, you peasants. You people don't do anything. Hey, Connor, can you hop in on co -host or no? What do you mean by you people, Connor? Who you calling you people, Connor? Do I have to say it? Jeff, the lollipop guilt?
Speaker: There's midgets. There's Daisy. Easy. Choose your word. You know who I haven't seen since I beat his ass last week in fantasy football? I've seen golf. I don't know. I haven't seen golf. I have a dreadful fantasy football team.
Speaker: I must say, although the chatters box is currently full of Brian, the chatters box has been really quiet today. I don't know if it's just because it's a Monday night and people are actually doing shit or I think it's just I think it's just been a Monday for everybody today because it seems like everybody I talked to was just having a Monday. Oh, yeah. We don't talk about we don't talk about Monday. No, no, no.
Speaker: we don't talk about it. I know I have like I said, I know I just just that's just I mean it wouldn't even been that bad if it was like in the middle of the day or at the end of the day but first thing this morning just crack. I'm done.
Speaker: I'm 10 minutes into my shift. I'm just tired of going to work when nobody's doing anything and they make us sit around and do fucking nothing and then bitch at us when we're doing nothing like, what are you doing? Like nobody's told us anything. They're like, well, why aren't you doing something? Like, what is there to do? Not good. No names. Then what are we supposed to do?
Speaker: We'll figure something out, sweep the goddamn floor or do something. I'm going to shut the fuck up. What do you do now that you're stateside? What's your actual job? Um, so I'm what we call a spicy janitor. What?
Speaker: Spicy Janet, what do you what do you wear in a fucking speedo? Spicy I'm full of depression caffeine nicotine and hate But every blue -collar worker in America, but I'll clean the shit out of your floors Blue -collar worker in America right now. I'll think while figuring out in my head how to best kill everybody in there
Speaker: No, prank. Yeah, in a prank way, right? Ha, you're all dead. There's a camera there. There's a camera. Get up, you pussy. It's a flesh wound. Dude, you stabbed him in the heart. Ah, a live person. Much better. It's just a flesh wound. Get up.
Speaker: It's like the college humor bad man series where he's like, yeah, I'm above killing people. And then he like grabs the fucking Uzi and shoots six guys. What are you doing? Told us that you don't kill people. Sometimes bad guys and they just get so tuckered out from fighting.
Speaker: That shit was funny as fuck that college humor Batman was so damn funny They have to take a nap afterwards Especially what's her face stab? Nothing
Speaker: All jokes aside, I'm actually losing a lot of blood here. Apple cinnamon bread. See, I was told it was banana bread, which I hate. I will eat the fuck out of some banana. Why the fuck does she keep making food? I know I have. I know I have.
Speaker: apple cinnamon bread. You autistic **** Yeah, I know but you said you don't like banana nut bread. Yeah, I don't like banana nut bread. I don't like bananas and nuts in my mouth. That's the first time you've ever said that in the same sentence. False. I like quarter. I like quarters in my ass. I don't like anything else. That's just
Speaker: What do your farts smell like tonight, Brian? Welcome to Brian's fart corner, where he describes his fart. Well, tonight I had Salisbury steak, so I'm kind of getting a mushroomy, oniony flavor. Oh, God. But I don't even remember what we were talking about. How much I want to kill myself and other people.
Speaker: No, we ended that near the no, we've never ended it. It's never it's never ended. It's it's just we we we take slight determinants or deter hold on detour away from words are hard. We're a little slower. Do a little slight detour away from it. But then we always come right back around because you keep mentioning things that remind me how bad I want to kill people. Well, Connor,
Speaker: It's not my fault. They're alive in my AO. Sometimes, sometimes in life, we get urges and, and to satisfy those urges, we just have to go through, you know, the old saying curiosity killed the cat. Well, that's my point is I'm trying to be curiosity in that situation, but satisfaction brought them back. So you can be the cat that's curious and then, you know,
Speaker: No, I don't want to be the serious cat. I want to be curiosity to the cat. Oh, banana or apple cinnamon bread. Sorry. Oh, you just get a cream pie. I was. Where's where's Jeff when you need him? Oh God, Jeff will be like, well, this one time in Cancun and here's
Speaker: I was at a club and there was these 45 girls there and I had to pleasure all of them all by myself. But for some reason they all had penises. It's not the first time this happened but after accidentally engaging for four hours I realized holy shit these are a bunch of dudes. Triple R in the his house. It's time to play the game.
Speaker: I'll do that. I love some Salisbury steak. Smells like smoked barbecue chicken and curry. That just sounds like it would be painful. I will suck the part out of your asshole, Brian. That sounds delicious. I really wish I had a rewind
Speaker: There's so many things on this podcast that I've never wanted to hear in my life. And that's one of them. Brian, I just want you to know I've sucked that smoked chicken and curry rice fart right out your asshole with a plastic straw because fuck them sea turtles. Nah, you don't use a straw. Oh, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you weirdos about.
Speaker: You guys actually like the you guys actually like the turtles enough to not go out. You really do watch the podcast, don't you? Yes. That's what my days are going to be the podcast week weekly recap where you come on here with with me and we recap the week's shows prior. I can do that with you. I will be more than happy to do that with you. So first things first. If you see a turtle,
Speaker: And you don't put some sort of manmade product on them before you walk away. You deserve to burn in hell. Wait a minute. If you don't. Okay. So what's the problem here? Because that's what we said we do. That's what I was doing on the show.
Speaker: You need to intentionally put the beer rings on the turtles. Oh, you want me to kill the turtles? No, I just want you to make them handicap for the rest of their life due to manmade products because I'm not going to do that. I like the turtles. Fuck the turtles. I like the turtles. They're cool. My favorite character. Every time you go on some sort of cruise or you're not allowed to touch animals because of the things that you do to them. Much like why we call Jeff Chupacabra.
Speaker: OK, I may be many things. Slightly gay being one of them, but bestiality is not one. And I refuse to take such things from a Wolverine fucking heathen. You are. Tossed thou protest much. What you said, you like my barbecue chicken.
Speaker: I will be nowhere near you. What the **** do the turtles do for us? I want to know. That's just cool, man. They're fun to watch. You know what else is fun to do? Turtles slowly die from asphyxiation.
Speaker: I honestly, I shouldn't expect any less from the guy who was throwing babies up against the concrete wall. So maybe rats. All right. They're not human. Your lives don't matter. We took the babies and we just blew them up on the wall. Okay. So that was an interesting story time. Connor, you're banned from the show.
Speaker: Connor, if you ever do a story time ever again, it has to be approved by the group prior. So anyway, we were at this pet store and I started blasting, right? Oh, I was waiting for the story. I was like, wait a minute, where's this quote? He started blasting. What was he just like going around fucking everything that was there, shoving gerbils up his ass? What's going on?
Speaker: And Gujo gets it. And Henry gets it. And Fido gets it. And that stupid cat from down the street gets it. I fucking hate cats. I hate them all. I'm not a big fan of cats myself. Although I do see a sad video. I did see a sad but slightly funny video the other day. I'm a dog getting hit by a car. The only reason that it was funny was because it like went over the car.
Speaker: And when it hit the other side, it like landed on its feet like a cat and then walked away. If it had died, it would have been extremely sad, but because it walked away, it's kind of like the movie elf, but dog version. It's kind of like the movie elf, but dog version. Yeah. You've seen the movie elf where he gets run over by the taxi and then he walks away.
Speaker: not intentionally. I try not to watch that movie. That is a terrible fucking movie. Well, it's okay to be a center, I guess. I'm sorry. Will Ferrell's kind of hit or miss with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're a fucking Grinch, okay? It's not my problem. I don't know. I'd rather just watch the single greatest Christmas movie of all time over and over again. I swear to god. Rather than watching Elf.
Speaker: Yes, Die Hard's a Christmas movie. Deal with it. And the Christmas story should be banned. Yes. I agree with the second half of that statement. I hate it. Die Hard is not a fucking Christmas movie. End of story. Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
Speaker: It takes place during Christmas, but it does not revolve around Christmas, i .e. it is not a Christmas movie. It is a Christmas movie. It's centered around Christmas and even gets Hans a gift. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's centered around Christmas time. It is not centered around Christmas party. There was Christmas music. There was even a Christmas.
Speaker: It is centered around the fact that it is Christmas time. There's not centered around Christmas. If you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie, then I'm sorry, but you're dumb. And you can take your extra chromosome somewhere else. The new Christmas movie that just came out is going to be fantastic too. Violent Night.
Speaker: It's got Santa. See, that sounds like a Christmas movie. It is a Christmas movie. Santa kicks a bunch of bad guys ass because they try to ruin Christmas. Does he? That sounds actually awesome. Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure he kills a lot of motherfuckers and John like was almost in it. And the guy who's in Stranger Things. He's in it. He plays Santa. The dude with the lisp. The big guy.
Speaker: Oh, you're talking about the fucking sheriff, right? That's not the guy. Yeah, Hopper. Yeah, Hopper. Hopper. Whenever I heard Hopper, like just the name Hopper the first time, all I could think of was a fucking Bugs Life. We are not the same. Who, you and me? Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know. I don't know anything about a bug's life other than the fact that it's about a bug's life The other one had Seinfeld in it. Oh, no, that was the B movie No a bug's life where the grasshoppers are beating up on the ants and they're like stealing all the food it's a Disney movie The B movie is not a Disney movie Unpopular opinion
Speaker: Jerry Seinfeld, not funny. The show Seinfeld was terrible. Okay. I think that Jerry, Jerry Feinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld is sometimes funny, but I think that he gets way too much credit for how funny he is. I don't think that he's nearly as funny as people say he is, but he is an averagely funny guy. Like the fact that he got his own show based off the fact that people thought he was funny means that you could get your own TV show.
Speaker: I should have my own TV show because I am actually. But you don't have a TV show. Maybe that's why I don't have a TV show because I don't suck. It's that and the fact that you're too old and ugly. He was like 60 when he did Seinfeld. No, he was not. He was in his 30s at the latest.
Speaker: and I believe he started as a stand -up comic of which you are. Yeah, he was a stand -up comedian for a year, but I just don't find him to be funny. Like he's literally the one that came up with the airline food joke. So he's 68.
Speaker: Who did that terrible fucking show come out? 1989. Really? Yeah. So he was in his twenties or mid thirties, early, early mid thirties. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So it ran for from 89 to 98. That's a miserable nine years.
Speaker: I did think the beam. So he was he was thirty five when that movie or when that show came out. Okay. Well, you're five years behind. Get get to it young man. I'm six years behind but still. I thought you were only forty. No, I'm forty. I turned forty one in October.
Speaker: There's still time. Yeah, you're an old fucking fart. Damn, it's crazy. I am the only person on this show. Jesus. Here they come. They're coming to arrest his ass. All that crazy shit he was talking earlier. Here come the military Popo, the CID, the JAG, the FBI, the CIA.
Speaker: Bravo team going dark. You always turn your mic off. I want to hear you yell at your family.
Speaker: I didn't yell at anybody. Carson scared the shit out of me because he walked up the stairs and slipped at the top of the stairs and fell. And all I heard was, oh my god. Somebody just got shot. You'll be fine. Get your ass from all that shit you were saying earlier. See, the VA pranks are all fun and games until they happen to me. And then I'm just out there like, fuck.
Speaker: The VA, the VA pranks are all fun and games till my kid falls on the stairs and I'm like, take cover. I'm just waiting to see the door get kicked in and a flashback grenade go off. Oh my God. And then somebody go, got you. Oh, I'm a hundred percent sure that when my, when I get out of the, out of the army, my wife and I finally move out of here and probably back to somewhere in Indiana, Indiana or something that my wife, I'm going to be on this. What?
Speaker: I was asking my son for something. So I muted my mic so you could talk. Oh, all I saw was you go. And like you kind of looked like you were talking to me. I was like. Huh? It's my impression of the old kung fu movies. You like it? What are you doing today? What are you guys going to move to Indiana for?
Speaker: Uh, because I like their state laws. I like their state taxes and it's extremely cheap. Is it really? Get this. I can get, I can get a, uh, cause we've been looking at houses and shit. We can get a four bedroom, two and a half bow bath on an acre and a half with 2 ,700 square feet for how much you think?
Speaker: We said it was cheap. I'll go cheap 150 ,000. Really? It's on the market right now for 115. The only thing that needs to be done is a little bit of drywall patch and repaint. No foundation issues. It's nice. It's on an acre and a half. Yeah, I'll move out to Indiana for that shit.
Speaker: But anyway, I'm 110 % sure that I'm going to be on this podcast. And my wife's going to listen in. And she's going to be like, hmm, M80s, huh? And we're going to be in the middle of a podcast. And you're just going to hear, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah. And then you're going to see me jump on the floor and grab a gun. And you're going to be like, oh, god. We're about to watch the next news story live. Calm down, Crispin Wall.
Speaker: I don't know who that is. Yeah, you're not a wrestling fan. He was a wrestler that killed his wife and son and then killed himself. They blamed and he blamed what? They blamed CTEs and drug like years of like drug use, whatever painkillers. No, but I'm sure that my wife's going to try and scare the **** out of me
Speaker: You're gonna be like in the corner crying. You crying, you guys are gonna be laughing and I'm just gonna say. Jimmy, no. God damn it, dude. What are you doing? Are you getting feet? No, just weird static.
Speaker: No, I'm not. I was just saying, just open the pump right in front of my. No, I'm getting like a weird static sound on the in the background. Oh. Yeah, no, I'm not. Not much is coming from my house somewhere, but. No, what the fuck else was I going to say? Because I have this this little light bulb moment. I had something to talk about. Now I can't remember what the fuck it was.
Speaker: Sorry, I had to break detention. Something's wrong with me. You sure you don't want to bring up your scientific revelation that you told me the other day? What was it? What was it about? Hold on. I need you to tell me it was about and I can remember the male genitalia and its placement. Ah, yes. Yes. Okay. This needs to be discussed.
Speaker: I wanted to do it on Saturday but we were busy. Ladies and gentlemen, a little behind the scenes if you will. It's so important to know if maybe there was a more efficient way that God could have made us. Yeah, well, you know, these are the kinds of things that Connor talks to me about off the show or before the show starts. So a little behind the scenes, you know, a little pull the curtain back. Go ahead and
Speaker: OK, so I was at work as most stories of mine start. And this guy said something about an upside down penis. I was like, upside down penis just doesn't mean anything. It just means your curve goes down instead of up and or left instead of right. You know, I was just fucking upside down. Penis doesn't really mean much. And I got to thinking, I was like, what if you. Flip the placement of the cojones. With the placement of the dangle down.
Speaker: And so what if your cajones were on top and your dangle down was underneath? Would it be more comfortable or would it be less comfortable? Because then your dangle down gets slightly sweaty, but I've never been upset that my dangle down was sweaty. I've always been upset that my balls were sweaty. I mean, wouldn't they just still get sweaty though? I mean,
Speaker: No, my dangle down rarely gets sweaty. So when you're out in the desert and 190 degrees outside, you've got full, that whole region isn't sweaty? It depends. It all depends. See, and that's the thing. But my dangle down, I don't care that my dangle down sweaty, it's all my balls. My balls being sweaty is a huge problem.
Speaker: And I wonder if the chafing would be less. And I've told you what to do about your sweaty balls. I know. Wash them off in Jeff's mouth and then move on. Well, there's that option, but they make they make deodorant for that area. They're called it's called Fresh Balls. OK, are you sponsored by Fresh Balls? Maybe I am. OK, then shut the fuck up.
Speaker: If you're not sponsored by them, stop getting them free plugs on your channel. Here's the Christmas season, ladies. And if you don't know what to get your man for Christmas, get him a fresh case of fresh balls. Honestly, I mean, if we were sponsored by fresh balls, do you know how fast I would have a fucking wall of it up there? Do you understand how nasty my paint fucking gets?
Speaker: I don't, but I feel like I'm about to find out. Once again, I think I've said too much. No, no, please. Please continue once again. You started this. Actually, I started this anyway. Actually, yeah, you 100 % started this. I don't I don't I never. I mean, you know, even like what if it looked like eyeballs in a nose instead of looking like.
Speaker: you've got a ball chin. Yeah, but I mean, imagine like when you're, I don't know why we're using code names. Like if you're banging your wife and then your balls are going to be, instead of smacking it on the ass or whatever, they're going to be constantly pounded right into that, that pelvic bone or whatever like this. And we already know how sensitive that region is. But I kind of enjoy the gentle, the gentle pressure.
Speaker: Yeah, but that's not, this is not gentle pressure. See, okay, Chris, I know that. And plus force is how you do things, but you know that harder does not necessarily mean better. There's a way to do it gentle and get well, when she wants 12 inches and make it hurt.
Speaker: I have to give it to her four times and punch her in the face twice. What do you want me to do? You can only do so much with three. If she dies, she dies. If she dies, she dies. If she dies, she dies. I don't know. I would try. As men, you know that generally,
Speaker: Yeah, you get kicked in that you get hit in that region. It hurts, but it's usually the light little flick that hurts more than right in the right in the junk. And I think I figured out a reason for that. I think I have. Because I think that the flick is so fast that you don't have time to react to it.
Speaker: So the flick kind of happens. And let's say this is your ball. This is the hand that's going. It goes like, ah, right. And it kind of like slaps the shit out of it. Now, when it's a boot, this is a big boot. If it's coming up, it has the opportunity to kind of roll away from it. And they just kind of using the logic. You're using the logic of why most drunk drivers walk away from car accidents on her. Yes. Indeed. Indeed. Good man.
Speaker: But I would be more than willing to try balls on top for a week. I don't think that's a simple surgery that's easily referred. I don't like how that sounded when it came out of my mouth. We should have used a rewind button on both of those sentences that you just said. And
Speaker: Now I have forever audio. In the words of Connor, and I quote Connor,
Speaker: I think I would like to try balls on top for a week. And I don't like the sounds of that coming out of my mouth, quote unquote, Connor. December 5th, 2021, episode 202. Those are the words that came out of Connor's mouth, ladies and gentlemen. He's so embarrassed.
Speaker: that now he has to leave. Yeah, you know, I I always listen to my gut. I always go with my gut. My gut told me not to do the show tonight.
Speaker: And I was like, you know what? Let me, let me, let me see what Connor's doing. Let me, let me see if he's available. Little did I know that I was going to get the borderline psychotic sociopath version of Connor. That back pain is really kicking his ass, ladies and gentlemen. It's starting to affect me.
Speaker: Good Lord. Oh my goodness.
Speaker: Oh, we're getting an update from Connor. Update from Connor. They kicked in his doors. They flashbanged him. And now he's hiding in the closet.
Speaker: No, apparently, uh, his computer froze up. So it just like completely kicked him out of here and everything. So I told him, let's reboot that shit back up. Get back over here. Let's go. Let's go. Oh my goodness.
Speaker: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a look into the psyche of, and I know that doesn't speak for all active duty military personnel or anything like that, but I know a lot of military guys and that's a lot of them in a nutshell. That's kind of scary. Cause it's fine when they're doing the military thing, but they do come home eventually and still have that mindset at the end of the day.
Speaker: And that's why Tony, I'm going to give Tony a little shout out here is so big on military veterans health, their mental health, their health in general. He's a huge advocate for it. I'm not saying anything wrong with Connor or anything like that. I'm just saying that, you know, he's making jokes. Maybe hopefully, I really hope he's making jokes. I really hope he's making jokes, ladies and gentlemen, because if not, that's scary.
Speaker: But, you know, unfortunately there are a lot of, a lot of vets that, a very high percentage of them that come out mentally fucking erect. And not even just our, not our vets, but even our first responders. I mean, imagine some of the shit that they see and have to deal with on a daily basis from police officers and firefighters and EMTs and, you know, nurses and shit like that. Especially if you're in like a,
Speaker: major metropolis Could you imagine being a like a in Chicago Or some of these other big cities that have high crime rates is the shit that you'd have to deal with and see on a daily fucking basis Good morning, sir. We will get you a medal
Speaker: you're gonna you're gonna get the nonsensical nonsense Bronze Star for bravery or something. I don't know. I need my military guys in here so I don't screw up the medals and get yelled at Lord knows. What in the ****
Speaker: Small child All right Trip in our favorite rocket ship You got it mark We don't give out medals around here you get various sex toys for surviving our ships
Speaker: Hopefully the kids can't hear me. Well, they definitely can. And he wants to know. Chris click he is. We're taking the car. My daddy said that his friend on the on the on the computer is a dildo. Jesus.
Speaker: Oh, I didn't see football getting my **** with one up one week getting my **** with the other league or got my **** with the other league. I'm going to get out and I'm going to get another win this week. Did you find out what's on the library clues? It already closed at six. Don't worry. Don't worry, Mark. I'll sign it. That's why we're leaving now.
Speaker: They're already closed, but they have a drop off. I told you there was a drop off. I'm just saying. I told you there was a drop off. You know, if you go to the fire station, you can make three other drop offs. No questions asked.
Speaker: And you don't have to throw them against concrete walls either. I don't want to know more splat, splat, splat. I'm only doing that to two out of the three so far.
Speaker: two out of the three. Let's go. Yes, I'm only doing that two out of the three. I would never do that to my daughter. Well, give it a few years. As as a guy who has two teenage daughters,
Speaker: Give it a few years. And I promise you, you'll change your mind. Holy Jesus. Yeah, like I said, give it a few years. You'll change your mind about your daughter. Well, it hasn't been a few years yet, Chris. So shut your...
Speaker: and enjoy it while it lasts. Because in a few years, your boys will be your favorite. Nah, it's literally impossible. No, you haven't. You only know Chris from the phone. You don't know him.
Speaker: sit down and get busted up now. Don't want to know me in real life. I'm the boogeyman. Oh, his name is Glick. His name is Glick. Therefore, we know him. What size shoe do you wear? I don't know. Why? I'm not wearing your shoes. Why?
Speaker: because it just came up in Ron and Connor's conversation. What size shoe I wear came up in years in Connor's conversation? Yeah, it did. Why? Because we were talking about it wasn't mentioned. It just depends on Connor. Like 11 and a half to 13 just depends. He wears a size 14. Who?
Speaker: Connor. What? I don't know. I don't know why I'm being brought into your weird ass conversations. Because we love you. We do love you. Easy Steelers fan. We heart you very much. Easy Steelers fan. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That does not make anything any better.
Speaker: No, that would be worse than any team you ever could root for. Yeah, exactly. That's why I hate the Broncos because I'm a Browns fan. And fuck John Elway. Should I show him your little thing that you have? Like that? Yeah. I don't care. It's just a picture of Miles Garrett caving the scallop of Mason Rudolph. Because Mason Rudolph's a bitch. We bought him that for his birthday.
Speaker: I don't have an NFL team. I lied. I'm sorry for my family as well. I don't like Steelers because they suck ass. Oh my gosh. I'm trying to do a show here. Who? Me? We hurt you very much, Dad. No, me. Dad, we love you. Oh, you guys too, I guess. You guess you love me? Yeah. Yeah, he asked me.
Speaker: But who your middle? No. My oldest daughter. I don't know her new boyfriend or whatever he is there on the phone. Her new boyfriend's name is Connor. Yeah. Sounds like a winner to me. It's spelled the right way. It's not spelled the wrong way. It's spelled the E -R, hot and O -R. Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, Connor. Connor. Connor.
Speaker: Conor is the female spelling. Conor and Kanye are all gay. You say it's all gay. Well, uh, yeah, I don't know. I guess they've been talking for a minute. I was talking to the other night. I went in there and grabbed the phone. She was FaceTiming with them or whatever.
Speaker: I was like, who the hell is this kid? And we got talking, whatever. And I was like, you think you can beat me in a fistfight? He was like, I don't know. I didn't grow up with Marines. I was like, yeah, that's a no. I said, do you think you could out drink me, boy? And he's like, yeah. How does this guy? I said, wrong answer, dummy. You're 17.
Speaker: You're not allowed to date my my daughter anymore. Yeah, he sounds like a pretty cool kid. He did offer to come help me move when I when I move. See, that's a nice guy. That's a that's a Connor, but I mean he's already got two strikes against him. I don't know if he's a Steelers or needles fan, whatever. I don't know. Both are bad and he's a Buckeye fan so. I mean he's again. He sounds like a winner except for that whole Steelers thing. Only good Buckeye fan isn't well.
Speaker: say it say one on their knees suck you by balls oh well honestly it's a lot more lame than i thought you were gonna be well i don't wish that on anybody yeah sure neither would i i'm not connor over here i just want to kick in the va door with a
Speaker: with an M60 and just spray bullets everywhere. I did not say that I wanted to kill anybody at the VM. I would never do that. They all served honorably, at least for a little time. The rest of it was other than honorable, but they got out with an honorable discharge, just like me. I don't know if I'd consider my service honorable.
Speaker: As much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show as much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show. As much as I just kind of show.
Speaker: We do my podcast every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, 6 p .m. Eastern Standard Time, or 4 p .m. and all streaming platforms, Spotify, Facebook, YouTube, Anchor. I don't think you can find us on the Anchor app anymore. Yeah, we're on the Anchor app. That's how I post your show. Your show, huh? Because it's your show.
Speaker: It's my show. On Monday nights, this is my show. But apparently I'm still stuck with them. Stuck with who? My kids. Ah, well, you did say that you wanted them. Well. Hold on, Bob. That cost me a fortune is what
Speaker: You're gonna be wearing one here soon old man, especially if you're fucking back What they keep telling me at every doctor's appointment I go to And keep going. Yeah, if at any point you can't feel your private areas. I
Speaker: and you release your bowels without knowing or you pee your pants without knowing. You need to go to the emergency room. I was like... I'm glad he cut out because all I heard was if you ever can't fill your private areas and I didn't wanna go any further with that subject. Chris, can you... Hey man. Chris. Come on, Or. Chris. Come on, Or. Can you fill your private parts, Come on, Or.
Speaker: I can currently feel my private parts, but I was told that if at any point I can't and I soil myself and I don't know it, to go to the emergency room. And to me, that's pretty fucking terrifying. I'm probably cutting out, aren't I? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on a second. One more time. If you can't feel your private parts. Are you talking to me now?
Speaker: Yeah, I'm talking to you. If you can't fill your private parts or you soil yourself. If you can't fill your private parts. That's what they're saying. If you can't fill your private parts and you soil yourself without knowing it, you need to go to the emergency room.
Speaker: And the first time they said it, I kind of brushed it off because I was like, that seems ridiculous. But they've said it multiple times at every single doctor's appointment. And it's making me concerned. Chris, I may have to wear depends soon.
Speaker: That's okay, buddy. You want me to come down there? We can, we can go together and get you fitted and everything like that. I mean, I don't have any experience with them, but as, as, as your good friend, you know, I don't want you to have to go through this alone. Chris, I think that I may actually beat you to the diaper trying to show when I get pictures and video. A friend of mine today sent me a meeting.
Speaker: said, if you ever want to make your woman feel special, get a picture of it and hang it up in the kitchen and right below it, employee of the month. And I instantly thought of you. I instantly thought of you, Mark. That is the back seat. Carson. See, he's back there. Don't scare me like that. Jesus Christ. Don't you think you lost a kid?
Speaker: Bryson, my youngest son, he's like, dad, where's Carson? I was like, he's in the back seat. And Carson didn't say a word. And I was like, oh my God, did he jump out of the car? It's all fun and games till you lose a child while you're on the road. Leaving your kid in the car at a Walmart is nothing compared to losing him while driving.
Speaker: Oh, good heavens. I do not want to be out driving right now. It's 6 .30. All the crazies come out at 6. It's 8 .30. It's 8 .30 in Ohio, you fuck. Hey, don't put your fake news and falsifications and your fabricated stories out there to my audience. It's 8 .30. Don't be lying to them. It's 6 .30 Mountain Time. Some of us don't live in Ohio.
Speaker: Some of us live in El Paso, where we go off of mountain time. Some of us live in Cancun, where I think he goes off of Eastern Standard Time. Well, when daylight savings time hits, when we spring forward, he's an hour behind us. But when we fall back, he's on the same time as us.
Speaker: the house and riveting conversations with my children. Hey man, I've had my kids come in here on the show lately. They'll sit around to the side and have conversations with me when I have no co host or whatever. I had a full on conversation with my middle one with buggy last week. I think it was maybe the week before hell. I don't know. Give them
Speaker: And I had to tell you, yeah, I was like, you have to speak up so they can hear you. Mumble mouth. You like that Martin? I thought you would like that. Like I said, I instantly thought of you. Nick William.
Speaker: Yes, we are at the library. Yup, yup, yup, yup. Nicholson library. Put the books in the drop box, not the kids. I know, I know, I know, Jackass. They're not fitting in the drop box. God damn it. Just call my wife. Hey, I can't get them to fit in the drop box.
Speaker: What is going on in the background? I'm trying to get them in the drop box. A little bit more force. The books hit perfectly the first time it went. Oh, we're putting the books in? Put the kid in the drop box. Put the kid in the drop box. Put the kid in there. Well, we've got to go find the drop box. Come on. Hurry up. Let's go. Oh, shit. Don't leave your keys in the car, idiot.
Speaker: the adventures follow me boys a parenting and the pitch black. Where's the night vision camera at so we can see what's going on, Connor? If you give me a moment, first of all, I don't know what sort of phone you **** out. What the **** is going on here? Oh, yeah. Don't you have one of them fancy military phones?
Speaker: They even gave me a handicap ramp. Oh, shit. There's a step there. I almost died. Still giving out Obama phones to our military, I see. All right. So where is it? It's going to be locked, boys. It's closed. So, east end of the building, handicap ramp. Come this way, boys. Which way is the east and which way is the west? Hurry up, Bryson.
Speaker: Well, here's the handicraft ramp You're gonna be using that handicraft ramp before long. Yeah, I fucking know it When your when your kids have to push you up at your wheelchair Why you why you're shitting yourself in here depends ah Look at you Look at you. Look at you now You did this open just go oh
Speaker: Let's go. What are you walking off for? I'm gonna leave you if you don't hurry up and stay over here. I'll leave you at the library. This is how you don't parent. Alright, bye boys. When you listen to Nonsense Go Nonsense and you hear
Speaker: The co -host of the show deal with their children. This is a PSA on how not to parent. Yeah, that's all this is. It's just a demonstration of video. I deal with your kids when they're being assholes. Where's the local library? That's what Jeff calls his porn. Well, actually, it's an instruction manual since he reads his porn.
Speaker: Tires squeal as I pull into the library. That sounded like a lie. This hurts. All right. Give me a second. I think I have something in the cabin and I'll give you something. You like my limousine, Glick? It looks like I'm in your seat and get buckled up.
Speaker: Looks like a minivan there. Pops. A minivan. This thing is a luxury state -of -the -art vehicle, all right? What is it, Dodge Caravan? Or Plymouth Caravan or whatever the hell.
Speaker: Oh, ****. He wants me to go to the commissary. Epton. Freeze my gear right here. He's having more. Call these them. Yeah, you. He says the state of the art luxury vehicle and I said, what is it? A Dodge Caravan? We have to go to the commissary. I replied with no, it's not a Dodge Grand Caravan. It's a Chrysler Pacifica. Well, we have to go to the commissary. Well, you didn't reply because you and your Obama
Speaker: Let's all go to the commissary. Go get you some commissaries. Quick. What? Mother. I swear if you use that tone of voice to me one more time. I'm gonna kill you.
Speaker: You're killing me, Smalls. First of all, taller than you are. Second off, why are we going to the commissary? Because we've got things to get at the commissary. Why else would we go to the commissary? I don't know. That's why I asked you. Was I talking to you, Chris? Good lord. It's like having a third child in my car. Why are we going to go to the commissary? I want to go to the commissary, Dad.
Speaker: come on, dad. The common stage closing. Let's go. Lean forward. There you go. Because he can't because he can't hit me. He's going to hit his kids. Christopher Anthony Glick. Wow. Not even remotely close but nice try. Not an effort. Christopher. Christopher Transgender Glick. No, that's that's my
Speaker: You can't even get through a full -ass insult because you glitch out so much. You pud. My name's Chris and I'm dumb. Ha. That's a funny joke. Yeah, I know. You know why that's a funny joke? Because your dad's a funny guy. Yeah, it was a funny joke. Too bad we didn't hear it because you froze up. Shut up, nerd. Shut up, nerd.
Speaker: on three. I want everyone to say shut up nerd. Ready? 123 shut up nerd. I want to do it one more time. Nope. And you're never allowed to say that ever again. Why? Because it's not nice. Yeah, because you hurt my feelings. Oh, get the you're get over it. You're 42 years old. My feelings are hurt. Now I'm gonna cry.
Speaker: I hope you're happy. Good. I hope good. I hope to see you. Oh, I mean, it's a Sherman. It's not really that cool. Well, our Sherman.
Speaker: Christopher Marco greatness. Glick. Christopher Danger Glick. Danger's my middle name. Did you say moms blow up? Oh, how did you know Mark? Bombs.
Speaker: What's that? They blow up. I know. That's what I said. What did you hear me say? I got all of that. Spirit week from December 12th to the 16th. That sounds borderline racist. I have an assignment due tomorrow. Oh, no. This is next week. They got spirit week next week at school and Monday is the winter wonderland white out. Everybody's going to wear white.
Speaker: for the holidays on Tuesday. Wear PJs. Festive sweater day on Wednesday. On Tuesday, they're going to wear PJs to school. Yeah, Friday. Yeah, Wednesday or Thursday is holiday from head to toe. Wear a holiday headband or hat and holiday stocks. And Friday, for spirit day, wear red and green or your favorite holiday. So basically like four of the days they are wearing
Speaker: holiday apparel. So, you're saying Christopher, where the **** Christopher, where the **** is the ranch? How the **** are we out of range? Holiday apparel. If you're only sporting Christmas thing. It says holiday apparel. So, you
Speaker: Christmas -y holiday. I don't know. I mean, there's other like, you know, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Christmas. I mean, I think if it's anything holiday, then they can wear it. So can I wear a Ramadan shirt? You're not invited to the elementary school, any elementary school. All right, now we have a store by the conference.
Speaker: Hey, hey, you're on the phone with my children too. All right easy here Just because I talk about some silly old pranks with some friends Doesn't mean and not gonna do whatever things I'm gonna do man Don't flip out man
Speaker: Not gonna do what you think I'm gonna do. Just walk into the elementary school wearing a global war on terror veteran shirt. Don't worry. I'm gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do. Don't flip out, man.
Speaker: How about we not do that? How about we not do? Don't go pulling your practical jokes at the school there, funny guy. I know I that's not what I was going to say. That's not what I even said. If you would pay attention to me even once Chris, you know this might be my show, but I wish you would listen to me like it was your show.
Speaker: you want to have that discussion right now, Mark? I can't see the comments. What do you say? Yeah, it's probably best that I don't repeat that cuz the kids are in the car. Alright. It involves the rug sale. Jesus Christ. I would love to listen to you like it was my show but you keep glitching out and freezing up and and disappearing and
Speaker: That's not my fault that you killed me on your show. We should go to tonight, dad. We should go to the commissary and commensate. There's nothing cool about the commissaries. Do you know what a commissary is? I'm just saying, dad. That would have been great had he been here.
Speaker: Who? You. I pulled the greatest joke of all time and you glitched out. And now you'll never know. You'll never know. It was a one -time deal. It could only be said once. It's not my fault that you're ugly, all right? You don't have to compensate by making out fake jokes.
Speaker: I'm a British guy. What is a commissary? I I I think it's uh I think it's a uh like a grocery store or some **** on the base. Hello. Hello.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't hear anything. My name's Chris. I'm a faggot blah blah blah. Whoa. I like to get the shopping done as soon as possible. Yeah, I think it's a grocery. I think it's like a grocery store. Yeah, you definitely did not spell it right. Why are you so quiet? The commissary is like a grocery store, isn't it, Connor?
Speaker: Well, Connor's no help. They do have the, yeah, you know, it's basically the same thing, I guess, but not, not in jail. I mean, if Connor was here, he would say that being in the military is like being in jail. I can say that because he's, he said it before. All right. Hello. What have you said before? The commissary is like a grocery store, isn't it?
Speaker: Mark asked. He didn't know what it was. It's because Mark's not the sharpest knife in the picnic basket. Well, he's also British. Oh, that's right. That Mark. Oh, Mark's in here. Hey, Mark. Jesus Christ. Get with the program. I'm not the... Paul Commissary, people. It is your new king, King Glick.
Speaker: Worship me and bow down to my greatness, you peasants. My mom always told me that I'm not the brightest bulb in the knife drawer. Hold on Carson. Do me a favor. Grab me this and put it in here. What is it? Sugar.
Speaker: Because we do. No, Bryson, put it back. Put it in here. Well, Connor. Put it backward. Yes, sir. It's been an interesting night. But we have come to the end of the road. It has been an interesting night. I haven't come yet. Well.
Speaker: Hold on. Give me a minute. Don't know what to tell you. Hold on. Let me get out of the. We're going to wrap the show. We appreciate you guys listening. This has been a dumpster fire of an episode, but it is what it is. What are you going to do? You know what I mean? It's been a cool dumpster fire, though. It has been a fun dumpster fire, but a dumpster fire nonetheless. Nonetheless, indeed.
Speaker: but we do appreciate y 'all listening. We appreciate y 'all hanging out. You know the drill. Check us out on all the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok. Don't forget to join us live every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday night on YouTube and Twitch at 6 PM. You can hang out in the chatters box and shoot your shit with us. And if you can't join us live, don't worry. Cause you can listen to us on Spotify and basically anywhere you listen to podcasts at all.
Speaker: and nonsensical nonsense. Go give us a follow. Give us a like. Give us a listen. And if you'd be so kind, give us a sure. We'd greatly appreciate that. Let other people know about what we're doing here. Sometimes it's not all bad. Sometimes it's pretty good. But until then, let's leave. Let's leave with a little Orem Springer with Kings of the Night. Go check these guys out on all social media.
Speaker: Rum Springer underscore live. And if you're in the Ohio area, they got a couple of shows coming up one and two weeks down in Columbus. And then they got another one coming up at the end of January and Columbus, get your tickets and come hang out. Cause your boy will be there. So you can come hang out with me and see a kick ass band.
Speaker: There won't be no turning back Now it's time to start an adventure And old bird jobs won't take your life so serious You won't come out alive I'm wasting time with the masses
Speaker: Now the match is tricky And you're drawn to the face So take a night on us In a concrete genre that won't be tamed What do you desire? Tell me what's your voice In a world that's living in a bar for paradise Time wasting time with the masses
Speaker: when the sun's going down what is lost will be found at nightfall we wear the crown when the dark comes to light they'll die
Speaker: When the sun's going down What is lost will be found At nightfall we wear the crown When the dark comes to light They'll bow down and recognize We're the king of the night When the sun's going down What is lost will be found
Speaker: when the dark comes to light
Speaker: Yeah, buddy. Good lord. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry about that. Apologies. Apologies. Yeah, buddy. A little around the spring and then wrap your night up. That's a good way to end up Monday right there. Ladies and gentlemen, we do appreciate y 'all listening and join us Wednesday for a brand new episode. We'll see which group or who from the Mary Band of idiots joins us and is on the show with me until then.
Speaker: We'll see y 'all next time. So make sure you tune in. Same now, physical time. Same now, physical channel. Chatter's box. Much love. Appreciate y 'all hanging out with us as always. Well, that being said, I don't just, it was a show out like if the guys were here and Jeff was here, he'd say deuces. And if Mike was here, he'd say, peace out. And if, if smoke was here, he'd tell you to put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Speaker: I don't know. Connor was here. He'd say, I'd like to have balls on top for a week. I don't know. Tony D would tell you. Mother had you. Mother made you. Mother **** you. Oh, and I do have a correction. Lando would say, put that in your pipe and smoke. You know what I mean? I said, be good or be good at it. Goodbye,
