Welcome to Episode 55 of The Communicate & Connect Podcast! I'm your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, and in today's episode, we're diving deep into the complex world of attachment theory and its intertwining with domestic violence, especially within the military context. Joining us is Jef Slootmaeckers, an Emotionally Focused Trainer with ICEEFT and therapist with a profound understanding of the relational dynamics related to domestic violence.

In this episode, we explore the intricate balance between emotional regulation and survival strategies, focusing on the pivotal questions of attachment: "Are you there for me?" "Am I good enough?" and "Do I belong?" Through the epsiode, Jef and Liz discuss how these questions influence military relationships through the challenging phases of deployment, homecoming, and everyday interactions.

We discuss the cycle of pursuing and withdrawing that many couples experience, emphasizing the unique stressors of military life, and the critical need for boundaries and support in cases of intimate partner violence (IPV). Jef sheds light on the different forms of IPV and the attachment dramas that often escalate conflicts, stressing the importance of deshaming and understanding in therapeutic settings.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the emotional struggles of military families, the powerful impact of naming and processing emotions, and the hope for resolving conflicts through empathy and connection. Join us as we navigate these sensitive topics and aim to normalize the complexities of military life while offering resources and support for couples in need. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation with Jef Slootmaeckers on attachment, love, trauma, and resilience.

Don't forget to check out our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] for further insights into your relationship. Let's get started!

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcasts/episode55/]

055: Attachment Theory and Domestic Violence with Jef Slootmaeckers

Welcome back to The Communicate & Connect Podcast, where we explore the intricate dynamics of relationships and mental well-being, especially within military families. I'm your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, and today we delve into Episode 54: "How to Deal with Separation Anxiety in Relationships." Joining us is Megan McCullough, a licensed clinical social worker and military spouse with 19 years of experience navigating the unique challenges of military life.

In this episode, we'll uncover the often unspoken struggles faced by military spouses, who are expected to "suck it up" and push forward amidst frequent and abrupt separations. Megan shares her invaluable personal insights into the cultural and emotional hurdles, emphasizing the importance of validating these experiences and promoting open discussion. Together, we'll discuss the normalization of seeking therapy, the crucial role of communication, and finding effective coping mechanisms like grounding techniques and self-soothing.

This conversation sheds light on the messy realities of deployment and reintegration, from dealing with internal stigma to maintaining connections within dual-income households. Whether you're part of a military family or looking to understand more about separation anxiety, this episode offers practical advice and heartfelt encouragement. So, tune in as we navigate through the complexities of separation anxiety and strengthen our ability to communicate and connect.

 Don't forget to check out our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] for further insights into your relationship. Let's get started!

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcasts/episode54/]

054: How to Deal with Separation Anxiety in Relationships with Megan McCullough

Welcome to Episode 53 of The Communicate & Connect Podcast! I'm your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, and today we are diving into the fascinating world of nervous system regulation with our esteemed guest, Michelle Cantrell. Michelle is a licensed professional clinical counselor and founder of the Center for Growth and Connection [https://www.centerforgrowthandconnection.com/], specializing in emotionally focused therapy and EMDR.



In this episode, Michelle shares powerful insights on how to recognize and manage a dysregulated nervous system, highlighting the impact it has on our relationships and emotional well-being. We'll explore techniques like EMDR’s resourcing, physical activities for completing the stress response cycle, and the importance of self-regulation and co-regulation in emotional experiences with partners.



Michelle and I discuss practical tools, including the RULER acronym for emotional intelligence, the benefits of creative expression, and the role of art therapy in achieving emotional balance. Plus, we'll uncover the surprising power of breath work, positive social interactions, and even crying as methods to soothe and connect.



Join us as we unravel the complexities of emotional regulation, offering you effective strategies to bring calm and connection into your relationships. Don't forget to check out Michelle's practice at centerforgrowthandconnection.com [https://www.centerforgrowthandconnection.com/] and take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] for further insights. Let's get started!

 

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcasts/episode53/]

053: How to Regulate a Dysregulated Nervous System with Michelle Cantrell

Welcome to a very special episode of The Communicate & Connect Podcast titled "Attachment Theory and Healing from Betrayal Trauma with Kelly Bourque." Before we dive in, remember to take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale  [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz]to assess the attachment dynamics in your own relationships.

Together with our host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, marriage and family therapist Kelly Bourque dives deep into how individuals and couples can emerge stronger after experiencing profound relationship challenges. Drawing parallels between emotional healing and the strengthening of fractured bones, Kelly illuminates the journey of healing, emphasizing self-compassion and the necessity of professional help. The discussion takes a special focus on military couples navigating the turbulent waters of deployment, unveiling practical strategies for maintaining emotional closeness and preparing for transitions.

We'll also explore the emotional turmoil following betrayal, the paths to recovery, and the profound importance of not facing these hardships alone. Through insightful analogies, expert advice, and Kelly's real-world experience, this episode provides a guide to understanding and overcoming betrayal trauma.

 

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcasts/episode52/]

052: Healing from Betrayal Trauma with Kelly Bourque

Welcome to a very special episode of The Communicate & Connect Podcast titled "Attachment Theory and Marriage with Dr. Greg Cheney." Before we dive in, remember to take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale  [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz]to assess the attachment dynamics in your own relationships.



In this episode, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky and Dr. Greg Cheney to dive into the fascinating world of Attachment Theory and its impact on marriage, especially within the context of military life. Dr. Cheney brings his unique perspective as a chaplain and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with extensive experience in the military, offering valuable insights into creating secure and connected relationships.



Together, they explore the importance of safe haven and secure base relationships, the challenges faced by military couples, and practical strategies to strengthen emotional bonds. Join us as we unravel the complexities of attachment in relationships and discover how understanding these dynamics can lead to deeper connections and emotional well-being.

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcasts/episode51/]

051: Attachment theory and marriage with Dr. Greg Cheney

Welcome to a very special episode of The Communicate & Connect Podcast titled "Attachment Parenting with Con Sheehan." Before we dive in, remember to take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale  [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz]to assess the attachment dynamics in your own relationships.

Today, we are joined by the esteemed clinical social worker Con Sheehan, who specializes in emotionally focused therapy for families and couples. In this episode, we delve into the world of attachment parenting, exploring how parents' availability and empathetic engagement play critical roles in fostering children's security and resilience.



Con provides valuable insights into how children cope with feelings of caregiver inaccessibility and how this can influence their behavior and life choices, including the risks of substance use. We also discuss specific challenges faced by military families, such as managing parental roles during deployment and the unique stresses that can impact both children and parents.



To aid our understanding, Con shares examples from his practice, focusing on creating a family environment where each member's needs are understood and met. We'll emphasize the importance of repair, availability, and intentional parenting—even discussing how therapy, even short-term, can be instrumental for families.



Whether you're a parent feeling the weight of responsibility or someone interested in emotional and relationship health, this episode is packed with practical advice and deep insights to help you connect more deeply with your loved ones. Join us, and let's start building stronger family bonds today!

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnect.com/podcast/episode50/]

050: Attachment parenting with Con Sheehan

Welcome back to The Communicate & Connect Podcast with your host, Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky. Today, we continue our special series on attachment in relationships and are joined by Dr. Clare Rosoman, a Clinical Psychologist in Brisbane, Australia. She is an international trainer in Emotionally Focused Therapy and is the author of "An Emotionally Focused Guide to Relationship Loss: Life after Love [https://amzn.to/49gLD14]," and its companion workbook [https://amzn.to/3PEVlmT], Dr. Rosoman brings compassion, expertise, and grounded advice on navigating the turbulent seas of heartbreak. Before we dive in, remember to take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale  [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz]to assess the attachment dynamics in your own relationships. In this episode, we’ll explore the realities of divorce rates among military couples and delve into the "Goldilocks flexibility" needed to manage the delicate balance between honoring our feelings and moving forward pragmatically. Dr. Rosoman will reveal how your attachment style can be a guiding north star through the process of healing and growth after a relationship loss.

Together, Dr. Rosoman and I discuss attachment theory as it relates to our need for closeness, comfort, and the inevitable impact on our emotional regulation when bonds are severed. We'll also share personal reflections on how varying attachment strategies play out in real life, particularly through the lens of military deployments.

This episode isn’t just about loss—it's a beacon of hope for rediscovering your capacity to thrive post-divorce, and a reminder that through understanding and grieving, we can emerge resilient and ready for deeper connections.

So, let's navigate the journey of relationship loss and the transformative power of attachment theory. Whether you're grappling with the end of a relationship or seeking to understand your emotional landscape, we're here to guide you through it—with grace, empathy, and insight.

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/blog/episode49]

049: Attachment theory and divorce with Dr. Clare Rosoman

Welcome back to The Communicate & Connect Podcast with your host, Elizabeth Polinsky. Today, we continue our special series on attachment in relationships with a highly anticipated guest, Dr. Bill Senyard, who brings 25 years of pastoral counseling experience and a deep understanding of attachment theory principles. Before we dive in, remember to take our ARE quiz based on the brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement scale  [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz]to assess the attachment dynamics in your own relationships. In this episode, we'll explore the profound questions of "can I count on you" and "am I worthy of love," as we discuss how our earliest experiences shape our capacity for forming secure emotional connections. Dr. Senyard will guide us through the four quadrants of attachment theory—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—shedding light on how these styles influence our behaviors and relationships. We also delve into the intersection of attachment theory and spirituality, examining how a relationship with God can provide a sense of security and value, aiding in emotional self-regulation. Dr. Senyard shares insights into how spiritual attachment impacts interactions in our relationships, with a special focus on the unique challenges that military families may face. Through this journey, we'll confront the fear cycle, understand how to express hurt constructively, and learn the role of pastoral and EFT marriage counseling in fostering secure connections. Dr. Senyard will also introduce his "good enough parent online" program [https://gospel-app.com/paths/good-enough-parent/], offering faith-based, scientific parenting tips catered to improving parent-teen interactions, a resource that's especially relevant to our military families listening in. Whether you're looking to strengthen your relationship with your partner, navigate parenting in the digital age, or understand the power dynamics within spirituality, this episode provides guidance to help you out. So tune in as we seek to communicate, connect, and grow together right here on The Communicate & Connect Podcast.

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/blog/episode48]

048: Attachment theory and spirituality with Dr. Bill Senyard

Welcome to The Communicate & Connect Podcast, where we dive deep into the heart of relationships to uncover the secrets of connection and communication. I'm your host, Elizabeth Polinsky, and in today’s episode, we're joined by Dr. James Hawkins, an expert Emotional Focused Therapy Trainer. Together, we'll explore the world of attachment theory in relationships, especially through the lens of military couples.

The very essence of attachment – our inherent need for close, intimate connections – can sometimes lead us into a dance of pursuit and withdrawal with our partners. We’ll delve into why 80% of couples fall into this relationshiip pattern and how our past experiences shape the way we reach for or respond to our loved ones.

Dr. Hawkins brings a unique perspective to the table, teaching us how to navigate emotional signals, the effects of emotional flooding, and the importance of a "mission" focus in our relationships. In discussing implications for military coouuples, we discuss the invaluable role of rituals in maintaining connections despite physical distance and the strategy of visual and emotional connection during times of separation.

For all you military couples out there, we understand the nuances of emotional regulation that your lifestyle demands. From turning down the dimmer switch of emotions during deployments, to flicking it back on to reconnect with family post-deployment, this episode aims to shed light on the delicate balance needed for a secure attachment bond – a cornerstone of resilient relationships.

As always, remember that while our podcast is packed with valuable insights, it's not a substitute for professional therapy. We encourage you to take our attachment quiz (link below) to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship's dynamics and know when it may be time to seek counseling.

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of your relationship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/blog/episode47]

047: Attachment theory in relationships with Dr. James Hawkins

Welcome to The Communicate and Connect Podcast for Military Relationships. In today's episode, Attachment Theory 101, our host Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky delves into the fundamental concepts of attachment theory and its impact on relationships, especially in the context of military couples.

Elizabeth, a marriage counselor with a PhD in couples therapy, explores how attachment theory influences the development of personality, self-esteem, and coping mechanisms in both children and adults.

Drawing from her research, Dr. Polinsky emphasizes the importance of building secure attachment bonds in relationships and discusses the role of mutual caretaking, sexuality, and exploration within secure relationships. She also introduces the concept of anxious and avoidant attachment styles, shedding light on how they manifest in relationships.

Furthermore, she unveils a special freebie, The ARE Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz], designed to help couples assess the security of their attachment bond. So, buckle up and get ready to explore the fascinating world of attachment theory with Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky.

>>>Make sure to like, review, and subscribe to get all the future episodes and help the podcast be found by others who would benefit the most. 

 * Access the ARE: Are You There for Me? Relationship Quiz [https://pages.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/arequiz] to help you understand the quality and security of yoru relatiionship
 * Read the show notes for this episode here. [https://www.communicateandconnectpodcast.com/blog/episode46]

046: Attachment Theory 101

In The Communicate and Connect Podcast for Military Relationships, marriage counselor Elizabeth Polinsky explains relationship science and discusses educational tips for improving your relationship and navigating military family life.

Elizabeth Polinsky

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