After many episodes of me talking with other parents, thought it was time to introduce you to my parents. Listen in as I chat with my parents about what it was like parenting me!

Meet My Parents

About the Episode 

Christian is a dad of a 7 year old Daughter, Malia. They live with his girlfriend  

Go To Glitter 

In the house hold - watching music videos is the Go To Glitter. Go back and forth between music that is current, music form Dad's childhood, music from before dad was born. Malia gets to decide first several songs :)   

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Balance between technology and playing with 3D object. Having time on screens can help us learn and grow. As can playing with kitchen sets and blocks 

2. Teach appreciation over entitlement. It is ok to have lots of things and for her to receive from so many. It is important to create ways for her to appreciate all she has and share with others who are less fortunate. Donation of her overflow is a great way to teach this. 

3. Share your own experiences as an emotional guide for her learning. Even when our kids have great wisdom, they still need the lessons and we can give them that while sharing out our lives. When she asks how your day is, share the emotional experience to help her learn new tools and strategies!  

Golden Nugget 

This Golden Nugget was touched on as an underlying theme throughout the session, not one specific strategy. Just because I think she is great and in touch with her feelings and emotions, don't take for granted. Foster that. Don't assume she has it and let her do her own thing. She is going to come across problems of her own. I need to sit with her and go through them and give her the tools!

Great Parents are Constantly Learning

About this episode

Julia is part of a family of 5. Her husband, Javon, who she has known for 18 years and been married to for 4. Her older daughter Lila, who is 11 years old. Her younger daughter Zora, who is 2 years old. The fifth family member is her dog, Jezze, a poodle mix.  She is a doula and you can find her on instagram at @357HolisticServices

Got To Glitter

The go to glitter for Julia and her family is 'so simple' she says, it is walking to the park. Not a playground, the park that is a big open flied. When we get there there is conversation just flowing and they are learning things about each other and making jokes. Walking to the park brings out good, earnest conversation and makes the day great!

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves

1. Relationships are two way streets. If you want your child to share openly with you about their feelings and day, share with them about your feelings and your day. You modeling the open connected conversation, helps them know what it looks like and how to do it.  

2. Create a space for deep meaningful connection. That does not mean that every time that you are in this space together, there will be deep meaningful connection. It does mean that it is more likely to happen during this time. It also means that the meaningful connection might not happen in words but the action you take together during this time is building deep meaningful connection. For example a once a week cooking time together becomes a memory your child will hold onto. 

3. Tell your children you love them. Tell your children what you like about them. Have your child share what they like about themselves. Sometimes we know that we love our kids, so we don't say the words. The action of telling someone you love them, ensures they know it. The action of telling someone what you like about them, ensures they know it. Don't let your kids guess how you feel, tell them often and clearly.

Golden Nugget

Trusting my mom feelings...trusting my mother intuition and having grace.

Parenting Evolution: How your parenting skills grow as you grow

About the episode  

Go To Glitter 

Hard because of the widespread of ages. Simplest answer is being at home - Saturday mornings on the couch each doing their own thing in PJ. Cleaning and coffee for the adults. Meals together and try to connect - breakfast and dinner as a family of 5. Thrive on being connected  

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Time together is important, so is everyone getting their unique needs met. Perhaps it is helpful to create times when you are meeting the family’s needs and other times when each individual in the family gets needs met. These are two different things and can be addressed at different times. 

2. Reactive parenting versus responsive parenting. Take a breath before you react. Take a moment to assess the best way to respond because not every moment in parenting is a crisis. Do not react as if it is a crisis when it is not. 

3. Parenting is hard and has many challenging moments. Make time to see the success/joy that is happening along the way. As parenting is a never ending experience, create chunks of time or goals so that you can feel the same sense of accomplishment as you go through life.  

Golden Nugget 

Biggest thing is the shift in perspective...your story is so close to you. Talk to a professional about it and it is a hole other level of what we think it is. All the positive. We are having joyful moments, have options, intentionality as a positive thing.   

Dr. Marcie's Golden Nugget 

Find the mile markers - the successes you have along the way as you continue down the hard path. Language is different for each of us - use the words that are right for you and see what they.

Parenting is Hard: How to see the successes along the way

About the episode  

Martika has a 2 and 1/2 year old son who she is raising with he partner Max. They have been together for 8 years.

Go To Glitter 

Love going to the children's museum together. Having full as a family with the interactive elements. Watching Harry Potter, Miko loves the magic and runs around the house with his wand. The final piece is going to the park all together, time outside makes everyone happy!  

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Miko was just diagnosed with Autism so that tells us a bit about how his brain works. He thinks in a linear fashion that is very clear - left or right; right or wrong - the more specific and clear you can be in your language the easier it will be. He also is most likely a visual learner, so use visuals to support directions and vocal communication. 

2. When asking a question, ask a question. When giving a direction, give a direction. It is not about being stern and yelling versus sweet and kind. It is about clarity and teaching Miko to listen. 

3. Pick one priority as a parent. You can't change everything at once and it is exhausting to try. So pick one area of focus at a time. If it is potty training, great! If it is sleep training, great! If it is listening skills, great! The other areas, keep moving forward as you are and know you will get there in the future.  

Golden Nugget 

Using visual instructions and incorporating pictures into communication. Doing this while making sure to use clear and effective communication - asking questions for questions and directions for directions.

The Power of a Label: Autism as a Gift and Clarity

About this episode 

Cam is a white straight cis man in a heterosexual relationship with his wife. They have 3 children together, Lucy who is 9 years old, Marlo who is 7 years old, and Teddy who is 4 years old.  

Go To Glitter 

We live by the ocean in Massachusetts. We are a good beach family. The activity we love as a family is going to the beach. In a more micro sense, family dinner. Everyone is there and it is a home cooked meal. Sitting around and going around the table to talk. They do this at least a couple times a week. Always on Sundays, usually one other night a week. Often Taco night is family dinner night, they all love tacos!  

Dr. Marcie Must Make Moves 

Started with a celebration that your daughter is going to therapy. Help and support from professionals is really important when there are big situations in your family.  

1. Regular communication, specifically around who is going to be home when. Currently the only conversations happen when you are leaving. Need to create a regular time to talk about who will be home when, sometimes everyone is home and sometimes mom or dad will be leaving. Don't always have the conversation be around hard moments. 

2. Since she thrives with the family calendar, keep it going. You need to be in charge of the calendar, the adults need to be responsible for sharing the information. Create a routine and predictable time when you as a family will reset it.  

3. Create a night time connection routine based in positive activities. Build a routine for 15-30 minutes that you will do together each night. Activities that will keep her mind away from spiraling, think about positive things and safe things and what is great in her day. Maybe a body scan or journaling together or highlights of the day.  

Golden Nugget 

Lean into daily radical transparency! Really trying to increase the amount we are talking about everything. Creating more routines, routines that make her recognize and live in the present moment. This will help her get out of the future worry and fear and into the present moment where she can thrive.

Anxiety Antidotes - The Power in Strong Parent Led Routines

About this Episode 

JoAnna has an awesome family that is comprised of her husband Fan and their three wild children. Her oldest, G is 7 years old. Her middle, E is 5 years old. Her youngest, B is 21 months old. We are using initials for the podcast, they have full names in other places in their lives :)   

JoAnna also shares lots of her parenting and educational perspective on her channel @positively_parenting on Instagram. Go check her out!  

Go To Glitter 

In the summer, the family favorite is swimming. Playing in the water is something everyone can enjoy, even though her husband does not generally love being outside. Water allows for a fresh start, reset during the day. In winter she will throw her youngest in the tub and bring them all into the shower together, with bubbles and coloring to make it even more fun. Even playing in the snow is part of what the family enjoys or is learning to enjoy!  

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

This is the first time you are doing this, each of you (as a parent and for your children). Remember you are learning, so there will be bumps in the road. 

1. Being in relationships does not mean always getting along. It is about teaching them to have compassionate conflict and to communicate their needs. Communicating needs can look likes using the words "I feel..." and "I love you and I need ... right now" or "Not now, we can play later when...". So that everyone can get their needs met with specific communication. 

2. Modeling is not enough for your kids to learn skills. You need to model and teach them. Say in clear and direct language what you need from them, what you are doing that is supporting them, and how they can use these same tools to support each other. Give them a script and context to use the tools themselves. 

3. Emotional regulation - when you are having a hard day, say it and enroll them in supporting you more proactively. Then model what it takes to stay in the emotional transparent conversation as the day unfolds.   

Golden Nugget 

The golden nugget for JoAnna is clear, concise communication. Being clear of with expectations and boundaries. It can be for everything! Being clear about interactions and what you would like to see/expect and our own thoughts. Be clear and explicit will fix so many things! Such a universal tool for so many relationships!

Additional Episodes

If you enjoyed this episode you may want to check out Season 2, Episode 6.

Communication as a Parent - The importance of saying ALL the things

About the episode 

Cassy is the mom of twins 9 year olds who are headed into 3rd grade. Rae, her son, is introverted and reserved. Rose, her daughter, is energetic and outgoing. Cassy and her husband look for ways to balance their seemingly very different children.

Go To Glitter 

We always have a good time when we go places! That can be staying in a local hotel and visiting a water park or taking a cruise or traveling internationally. We love to travel as a family and spending time in new environments.

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Continue to parent each child differently. Support your son to see the bigger picture. Support your daughter to see her value outside of what she is giving. 

2. Ask questions to help them both see the areas they need to extend. Rather than provide scaffolding for your son, ask him questions to realize the support he is receiving and build his awareness. For your daughter help her reflect on what she needs first, before she helps others. 

3. Create proactive goals. Set up ways for them each to grow in new ways, as you enter into situations rather then as a correction after the moment has passed.

Golden Nugget 

Asking more questions. For my son, that will be asking 'what do you think your sister might want?' instead of telling him to do something. For my daughter, that will be asking her to think beyond her giving.

Here are some additional questions you can ask your kids 

5 Questions to try with your kids who are like Ray: 

1. Do you think anyone else would want a ___ also? 2. Who else would enjoy this? 3. Before you get started, what else/who else needs to be included? 4. How do you think this will impact _____ (your sister/friend/teacher)? Is that the impact you want to create? 5. What would make someone else smile today?  

5 Questions to try with your kids who are like Rose: 

1. What would you like to do?  2. Who shared with you today? 3. Before you help ____, what do you need for yourself? 4. How are you feeling?  5. What friend made you smile today? What did they do?

Raising Twins: Different Needs for Different Kids

About this episode 

Mel is the mom in a family that is on the go. She is married to Jacob, her husband. Together they have 2 children; Mickey who just turned 10 and JJ who will turn 7 a month after this episode was recorded.  

Go To Glitter 

When there is time on the weekend, everyone meets on the couch and together they play MarioCart. Sometimes they play a game of Sorry or another board game that does not take long to play. Generally it is about a half hour of just fun! These times, don't happen often. Mel says not even once a week.   

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Have time daily to enjoy time together. Just 5 minutes can make a big difference! When we are having fun together, it is easier to navigate through the hard moments because the relationship is stronger 

2. Communicate with the kids about the schedule. Talk to them when there are changes. Often we talk to each other as the adults and forget to relay the reasons, decisions and changes to the kids. Sharing a little more with them can go a long way. This can be done through a Sunday family meeting talking about the week or just a simple update when a different parent shows up at school pick up. 

3. We have to set the tone and lead our children. If your child wants more independence, how do you make an intentional plan to give them more independence? Do not just wait for them to ask for something and you respond, build it with intention and talk about how being responsible with independence makes you more likely to give them more. Leading the tone also means that when repairs in relationships are needed, we as the adults need to go first. We need to show up and be excited to spend time with our child, even if we have not been getting along. We need to say it is time to have fun if things have been crunchy lately. It can be hard and you can do the hard thing to repair the relationship because your child will follow your lead!  

Golden Nugget 

The golden nugget that resonated most was daily fun, engaging with Go To Glitter regularly. Mel said she is going to do her best to have just 5 minutes of play time as a family everyday and a larger chunk weekly. The second nugget she is taking away is the need for more communication. She now sees how many of their problems center around lack of communication. The impact of vocalizing needs or discomforts was highlighted and she wants to start making sure that everyone knows all the important details.

If you enjoyed this episode, check out Episode 8, Season 2!

CoParenting and Communication Breakdowns - No More Divide and Conquer! 

Michael has 3 wonderful women in his life. His two daughters: Juniper who is 6 and Diana who is 3, and his wife Nora. As a family they make an event of Sunday swim classes, walking together to class and then out to brunch after. While the girls love their time in the pool, the family gets to have a joyful day together with swimming being in the center of it.  

Lately Michael has been thinking about re-parenting, a concept Dr. Marcie had not heard before. The idea is that we parent the way we were parented, which certainly makes sense. Michael was raised with an authoritative dad is finding that is not how he wants to parent and yet instinctually does at times. The stern disciplinarian comes out and he is curious how to change.  

Dr. Marcie asked when are the moments he is more likely to go into these responses. Michael shared that it is often when others are around or when the girls are not listening.  

Here are the 3 big suggestions that Dr. Marcie shared:  

1. Do not assume that other people's opinions are right. When relatives or friends are around and they comment on your kids behavior, you are more likely to jump to stop something and make a change. However, their opinion might not be right. Make sure to pause and assess for yourself. Sometimes the right course of action is to reinforce that what your kids are doing is a-okey with you.  

2. When it comes to listening skills, the authoritative perspective is a correction. Instead try to use positive action based directions. Tell the girls what to do in specific language and then keep guiding them until the action happens. This keeps everyone on track and teaches them to listen. 

3. We know when our hard moments are. We know what routines are more challenging. So proactively talk about this, pre-frame the event with positivity, rather than waiting for it to fall apart. Share that you are heading to a certain activity and you know it is going to be smooth sailing. It helps everyone stay in a productive and positive state of mind.  

Michael's one small step take away was about the division of his attention and how to make sure he is providing positive attention when things are going well, rather than corrective attention when there are hard moments. Specifically this guidance was around hitting. Listen to the whole episode to get all the details on this golden nugget!"

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Intentional Parenting: Not Becoming the Parent you had - Season Finale

Love is an action. Love is the words we use (or don't use). Loving our family is a choice we get to make each and everyday! Sometimes we forget what love looks like in our parenting. Sometimes, we were never taught how to parent from love. Sometimes we need to love ourselves more so we can show love to our families. Where ever you are today, for whatever the reason you are there, there is always a way to bring in more love to your family! Let's find the way to do it together, one small step at a time!

This podcast is individual conversations between Dr. Marcie and parents. Sometimes it is one parent and sometimes it is a couple. Parents share what is great about their family and what is challenging. Together with Dr. Marcie they problem solve new ways to move through difficult moments, new perspectives to understand what is unfolding in their homes, and new possibilities to build joy in their families.   

Dr. Marcie believes small steps lead to big changes, so each episode ends with the parents sharing their the one small step they are committed to taking. The one nugget from the conversation that inspired them the most. You are encouraged to share your one take away in the comments.  

Blue skies are ahead and we are going to get their together!

Love Your Family Again and Again and Again and Again

Dr. Marcie Beigel's Show

Dr. Marcie creates culture change with families, schools, and organizations. Shifting families from breakdown to breakthrough! DrMarcie.com

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