🏥 Doctor shopping on the UWS, Florida pill mills, and the $300/week FedEx Oxy plan

🧬 Coke, klonopin, benzos, nodding out mid-Xbox match, screaming at his roommate

📦 Upper West Side methadone clinic and snorting dope on the Staten Island ferry

📸 Starting “@immaeatthis” on a subway ride—going viral, getting paid, and staying sober

🧸 Emotional amends, dumb lies (Blackwater contractor? really?), and hope through service

🎉 Dave celebrates Susan’s 7th birthday with a musical performance

📨 Emails from Montreal bus drivers, Bayshore pill seekers, and Dopey lifers

🧦 Send in a voicemail = socks? Maybe. Stickers? Definitely.

 

Dopey 531: Snorting Heroin on the Staten Island Ferry to Eating his Way to Recovery, Fame and Fortune, Ian Martin

Knicks vs. Celtics playoff madness

Dave vs. “New York City Dave”

Shout out to Boston Dave G (but still, fuck Boston)

Is The Last of Us now just lesbian Eat Pray Love?

Getting recognized on the street (and overstaying the moment)

Ray's Grindr adventures: “I clean toilets and give BJs”

Anti-aging meds, eye lifts, and midlife crisis merch drops

Music segment: “Good So Bad” live from the studio

Dopey Wood lineup updates: Darrell Hammond OUT, the rest still IN

Come to DopeyWOOD!— tickets are free!

Dopey Tuesday RAYtreon Teaser: F*CK THE CELTICS - Deli Dave vs. New York City Dave PLUS DOES THE LAST OF US SUCK NOW?

🏀 Knicks Playoff Fever: Dave opens the show celebrating the Knicks’ win over the Celtics and his deep attachment to the team.

🌸 Family Time: Dave spends the day with his daughter Susan, planting flowers and reflecting on fatherhood.

🧂 Mustard Seed Parable: Conversation with Mike’s Amazing Mustard leads to a deeper discussion about hope in recovery.

🚨 Josh C. Update: Following a drug task force raid, former Toodles for Chris scholarship recipient Josh Clark is arrested for meth, LSD, and DMT but secures a scholarship to Divided Sky rehab in Vermont.

🤖 AI Frustrations: Dave vents about ChatGPT fabricating a story about Chris smoking crack out of a shrimp shell – a made-up detail that cost him money in clip production.

📞 Prison Voicemail from Polly: Shocking account of sharing needles with hundreds of inmates, smuggling ass tobacco, and the grim reality of hepatitis spread in prison.

🎤 Sam Miller’s Story:

Childhood trauma and gas huffing at age six.

Selling liquid LSD drops at 15, including putting acid directly into his eyes.

Meth addiction while working at a puppy mill, witnessing a MRSA outbreak that killed puppies.

Suicidal thoughts and a near-death experience involving a stolen car and being tied to a chair by a best friend.

Clarity moment: Waking up under a tarp, realizing his life was in shambles, and walking miles to his mom’s house to beg for help.

Early recovery: Living in a trailer, reading books by the light of a Game Boy, and attending multiple 12-step meetings daily.

Sam’s rise in comedy, the first open mic feeling like the first high, and the healing power of storytelling.

Friends lost to overdose, including the haunting phone call from Justin pretending to shoot himself.

🎭 Sam on Comedy: Finding the sweet spot between dark humor and trauma, and how comedy became his new addiction.

🚀 Dopey Wood Announcement: Dopey Wood event in four weeks – tickets are free for Dopey Nation.

🧦 Dopey Merch & Sponsors: Shoutout to customstickers.com, where Dopey Nation can get 20% off using code Dopey20.

🔥 Closing Segment: Dave reminds listeners to leave a review, join Patreon, and stay strong, Dopey Nation. Toodles for Chris.

Dopey 530: Liquid LSD in the Eyes! Smoking Meth at a Puppy Mill and Doing Sexy Tarp Stuff on the Road to Recovery with Sam Miller

Whats on Patreon:

Adam’s chaotic childhood, bullying, and getting high at 12

Smoking weed with an abusive friend’s stepdad

Getting beat with wrenches, sent to institutions, and almost stabbed

Dropping acid at school, zeroing hits, playing in bands

Coke binges in L.A. writing sessions — snorting lines off Beyoncé plaques

Spiritual bottom after playing South by Southwest and weeping during Elf

Recovery Unplugged, NA, and finding purpose through music

A live performance of his song Savior

The Elsewhere program and recovery on the road

His thoughts on music, God, and staying clean through service

Dopey Tuesday Patreon Teaser - Adam David from The Voice 'an 8 Ball a day keeps the doctor away'

📓 Episode Notes:

Jessica Kent returns for a deep and hilarious check-in

Her early life selling heroin at 13 in upstate New York

Getting addicted to Oxy, then heroin, and eventually meth

Life on the run with a sketchy traveling magazine crew

Getting locked up in Arkansas, detoxing while pregnant

Giving birth to her daughter while shackled

Losing custody and the fight to get her child back

Getting out and blowing up as a sober influencer

Launching OnlyFans, backlash, trolls, and public scrutiny

Her recent painful breakup and struggles with internet fame

Why she left harm reduction and returned to abstinence-based recovery

Parenting, ADHD, self-worth, and starting over again

Dave reads wild listener emails

Bonus voicemails and raw Dopey banter as always

A full tilt rollercoaster of pain, redemption, and dumb shit

Dopey 529: Jessica Kent Returns! Dealing Heroin! Only Fans! Abstinence Based Recovery! Motherhood and Having a Baby in Prison!

📝 Episode Notes / Highlights

🗣️ Dave forgot to record a teaser and is now scrambling

🎤 Raytreon returns — Ray and Allen join the chaos

🧠 Childhood trauma hits: walkie-talkies, soapbox derby sabotage, “thank God I had heroin to escape”

🧳 Allen’s back from Florida and hates everything about the new Dopey Studio

🎭 Knicks playoff hype, Last of Us grief, and a deep love of revenge

🧘‍♂️ Summer of Wellness / Summer of Fashion begins (with shame and holes in jeans)

🍄 Public apology for sketchy Amanita muscaria mushroom ad

📢 Ray, Dave, and Allen yell over each other about cleanliness, furniture, and fantasy basketball

💡 Reddit calls Dave “a needy pussy,” and he leans into it

Dopey Tuesday RAYtreon Teaser with my Dad! Illness, Wellness, Sex

🗒️ Episode Notes (for the "Notes" section):

Blowing $500K on coke, strip clubs, and a doomed after-hours club

How Ciroc Papi moved into his spare bedroom (and took over his life)

Meth Head David steals his car and wears all his clothes

Running a nightclub like Scarface meets Trailer Park Boys

Homelessness, dollar menus, and losing it all

Bipolar mania, addiction, and the road back to sanity

A wild cast of characters: Shelby the bowling ball bouncer, Old Girl, T-Rex, Bones, and more

How David got sentenced...and didn't go to prison after 9 years hanging over his head

How he built Bipolar Guy Loving Life — and what’s next

Dopey 528: Bipolar Guy Loving Life or How I Blew $500K on Coke, Clubs, and Ciroc Papi with David Funes

📝 NOTES:

 

🎶 Big love to Trinity for the amazing Dopey theme song up top

 

🚨 Dave’s got gout and might become the poster child for rich man’s foot disease

 

🧬 Mike starts using at 12, snorting Oxy by 19, full-blown heroin addict by 21

 

😱 Sells drugs, ruins every family event, finally breaks down in the Bronx

 

💉 First-time dope sick without knowing he was dope sick

 

🍄 Eats way too many shrooms and spirals into a poop loop with SpongeBob

 

💔 Sees his roommate making out with his girl while tripping, main character style

 

📦 Kicks at home, checks into rehab, finds his people, builds a new life

 

🌱 Kratom, weed candy, fake nitrous, and scary-ass psychosis trends in the field

 

🤝 Now works in treatment and still wonders how the fuck he made it

Dopey Tuesday Teaser: The Last of Us or He Took 5 Gummies and Landed in the Psych Ward:, Heroin in the Bronx

📝 Episode Notes:

💣 Robbing banks with dye packs exploding mid-getaway

😷 Hooping dope in prison and dealing with the "safe"

🏋️ Becoming the pull-up champ in federal prison

🎨 Obsession with antique tattoo machines and publishing books

🧒 Rescuing his daughters from a cat piss hellhouse

💉 Methadone maintenance, recovery, and giving back

🎶 Ending with his haunting original song Mud Pies

🕊️ Plus: Gary Gilmore, Sonny Barger, Flea, Hep C treatment, and the dirty white boys

Dopey 527: Classic Dopey! Confessions of a Punk Rock Junky Bank Robber! Shane Enholm! Heroin, Cocaine, Meth, Prison, Recovery

In this Patreon teaser, Dave shares a clip from his deeply honest and hilarious conversation with Martin Johnson, frontman of Boys Like Girls. Martin opens up about fear, fame, and the moment in a sauna that changed his life — when a stranger challenged him to define anxiety.

Martin talks about:

Why he hates the word "anxiety"

Staging a self-intervention while still on meds

His crushing fear of not being good enough — as a person, as a singer, as a frontman

The performative madness of early fame

Taking 12–14 Xanax bars a day while chasing success

Losing huge chunks of time in a benzo fog

The overwhelming desire to be seen — even if it meant eating ants or wearing crazy outfits

Dave opens the teaser with some classic Dopey flavor — spring break parenting chaos, Katz’s Deli updates (including a pastrami smoothie?), and a weirdly triggering doctor visit that brought back memories of detox.

Also in this episode:

Dopeywood news! Tickets available now — free for patrons!

Upcoming music & wellness events

The Dopey Fitness Challenge returns

Shoutouts to the $100-tier dopes and all our loyal patrons

And, of course, “Fucking Toodles for Chris.”

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