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An Imaginative Walk With Jesus Through His Death on the Cross
580 Plays2 years ago
Today Gretchen Crowder shares with you the audio of an imaginative walk with Jesus through his death on the cross that was originally shared as a video on the Central and Southern Jesuit Province website as part of a Lenten Series for the 2024 Lenten Season.
You can find the video and access the Lenten Series here: https://www.jesuitscentralsouthern.org/spirituality/lent-2024/
You can follow the Central and Southern Jesuit Province and learn more about the Society of Jesus by following @JesuitsUCS (X) or @jesuitscentralsouthern (Instagram)
Much gratitude to the UCS Province communications team for the beautiful artwork for this series!
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If you think you or someone you know has a story that would fit this podcast, please contact Gretchen Crowder at lovedasyouarepod@gmail.com
You can find Gretchen @gdcrowder on social and @lovedasyouarepod on Instagram.
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Transcript
Walking with Jesus through His Passion
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Love Does You Are, an Ignatian podcast. I wanted to hop on here and share with you the audio of a reflection that was originally shared as a video on the Central and Southern Jesuit Province website as a part of a Lenten series for the 2024 Lenten season. In this, I invite you to take an imaginative walk with Jesus through his death on the cross. I hope it is helpful to you this Good Friday as we reach the end of our Lenten journey together.
00:00:29
Speaker
learning to lean ever more into our belovedness.
00:01:16
Speaker
In the third week of the spiritual exercises, Saint Ignatius invites us to walk with Jesus through his passion and death. As we walk together with Jesus during this last part of his journey, I invite you to try and enter the experience completely. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Taste the dust in the air. Hear the sounds of the angry crowd.
00:01:45
Speaker
See the blood upon Jesus's face. Smell its metallic scent, lingering in the air. Don't just place yourself on the perimeter of the experience, but allow yourself to be an integral part of each scene. Believe that Jesus does in fact want you right there with him.
Prayer for Grace and Understanding
00:02:14
Speaker
During this journey, Ignatius invites us to pray for the following grace. I ask for what I desire. Here it will be to ask for sorrow, regret, and confusion because the Lord is going to his passion for my sins. Let us pray. I begin in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
00:02:45
Speaker
Jesus, as I walk with you through your final moments, open my ears to listen to all you want to share with me. Help me finally accept your love as I witness the ultimate sacrifice you made for me. Help me as I sit in mourning over your loss to discern a return of love to you that will honor the unique person you created me to be.
00:03:15
Speaker
and the unique friendship you desire from me. Amen.
Reluctance and Resolution at Calvary
00:03:22
Speaker
This is it, isn't it, Jesus? After a long and arduous journey down this road, the soldiers have finally stopped making you walk. I know what this place is. I've heard it referred to as Calvary and as Golgotha,
00:03:45
Speaker
and even translate it as the place of the skull. It's where you will be crucified. I find myself whispering to you in a shaky voice that I don't want to be here. The minute the words are out of my mouth, though, I want to push them right back in. I am so ashamed of my weakness at this moment.
00:04:12
Speaker
I know that most of those gathered around me have seen a crucifixion before, or at least are familiar with what is about to happen, but I haven't. Yes, I've spent my whole life hearing the story of your death over and over again, but to actually be here in this moment with you now makes me think I've never really considered the gravity of this situation.
00:04:42
Speaker
I don't want to be here, Jesus. And yet, I also don't want to leave you alone. So I stay. And as I do, I find myself thinking of all the times I have left you before. How often have I walked away from the suffering of others?
00:05:19
Speaker
Who, Jesus, are you inviting me to stand with today? Lord, forgive me for the times I have walked away from those who need me. Help me stand with them now in imitation of you. I avert my eyes after they have stripped your clothes from you.
00:05:51
Speaker
Instead, I watch the soldiers competing for who gets to keep your garments. I can't believe they are doing that at all, let alone right in front of you. I turn back to you seeking understanding. These soldiers seem oblivious to your presence in this moment, and I shake with anger over their behavior. But then your gaze reminds me of all the times the things of this world
00:06:20
Speaker
have made me oblivious to your presence? How often have I been too distracted to see how I am hurting others? Who, Jesus, are you inviting me to notice today?
00:06:57
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Lord, forgive me for the times I disregarded how my actions affect other people. Help me focus on repairing relationships, an imitation of you.
Reflections on Voice and Responsibility
00:07:11
Speaker
I watch as they hammer the nails into your wrists and your feet.
00:07:18
Speaker
Each hammer strike makes my body shake in response, but I do not look away. The last hammer strike nails a sign above your head. Though I cannot read the words, I know what it says. King of the Jews. Weren't they just celebrating you as you rode into Jerusalem, Jesus?
00:07:46
Speaker
Weren't they just calling you king and laying palms at your feet as if you were royalty? They were shouting Hosanna in a loud enthusiastic voice just a week ago. But then in the same loud and enthusiastic voice, they shouted, crucify him and put this whole journey into motion.
00:08:11
Speaker
At this moment, I hear those same loud and enthusiastic voices, but they seem to have adopted a mocking tone as they call you king and spit at your feet. How did their attitudes shift so quickly? I see pain all over your face now, and I wonder if it is more because of them than the nails.
00:08:39
Speaker
I also wonder how much of your pain is because of me. How often have I with the same voice, both praised and victimized others? How Jesus, are you inviting me to use my voice today?
00:09:16
Speaker
Lord, forgive me for the times I have not used my voice well. Help me harness a voice that speaks only love in imitation of you.
Contemplating Mercy and Forgiveness
00:09:29
Speaker
Once the cross is raised, I see for the first time that you are not alone. Two men are being crucified alongside you. To be honest, Lord, I don't know if I've ever given these too much thought before.
00:09:45
Speaker
But there they are, struggling to pull themselves up and catch their breath just like you are. I know the gospel stories allude to the guilt of these two men, but I find myself wondering, do they really deserve this punishment? I hear them now arguing over you. One is treating you just like the crowds have, but the other one is speaking up for you.
00:10:14
Speaker
He admits he did something wrong and he believes he deserves consequences for his actions. He also admits you are innocent. Then he turns to you and I feel your love for him even in the midst of your pain. I feel his ardent desire for your mercy and your magnanimous offering of it in return. All he had to do
00:10:44
Speaker
was asked. I wonder when I last outright asked for your mercy. Jesus, remember me too, I whisper. How often have I been willing to outright ask you for mercy?
00:11:16
Speaker
How, Jesus, are you inviting me to be vulnerable today? Lord, forgive me for all the times I have been too afraid to ask for mercy. Help me be willing to ask for forgiveness and be vulnerable with others in imitation of you.
Embracing Transformation and Joy
00:11:48
Speaker
Suddenly, darkness is all around me. It is so dark that I can no longer see you on the cross right in front of me. I cry out for you, Lord, are you still there? The crowd is silent. The men on your right and your left are silent. The world itself is eerily silent.
00:12:19
Speaker
I fall to my knees and reach my hands out into the darkness in hopes they can find you while my eyes cannot. I begin to cry out again, but then I hear your voice ring out in the darkness. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? I reach out again into the darkness towards the sound, but my hands touch nothing.
00:12:51
Speaker
It is finished now, isn't it? I feel somewhere deep inside me that you are gone and I miss you instantly.
00:13:19
Speaker
Even though I knew all along where this journey was headed, I didn't really know how it would feel when it was actually over. I miss you, Jesus. And I find myself wondering about all the times I could have drawn you close and didn't. Why didn't I know how much I would miss you then?
00:13:47
Speaker
How often have I missed opportunities to draw others close while I still can? Who, Jesus, are you inviting me to spend time with today?
00:14:18
Speaker
Lord, forgive me for the times I have not been aware of how short this life is. Help me hold others close in imitation of you. I know you are gone now, but somehow I am still here. The light has returned, though it is dimmer somehow.
00:14:43
Speaker
The vast majority of the crowd have left, but those that remain seem changed by your passing. It's like they've realized the truth of what has just occurred, and like me, they want to take it all back. But they can't. So they stand now, just staring at you as the tears fall silently down their cheeks.
00:15:13
Speaker
Your mother and a few of your friends are standing as close to you as they're allowed and openly weeping out of love for you. The world seems so empty. I find that I don't know what to do now, Jesus. Now that I've been this close to you, everything is different. Where do I go from here?
00:15:44
Speaker
How often have I sat in this in-between moment, transformed and yet unsure as to where to go? Who, Jesus, are you inviting me to become now?
00:16:14
Speaker
Lord, forgive me for all the times I have failed to do anything in response for your sacrifice. Help me do something great with the remainder of my life now, out of my love for you. Jesus, when I was younger, I believed that the journey from here to heaven was meant to be difficult.
00:16:40
Speaker
There were obstacles to overcome, sacrifices to make, sadness and suffering to endure. I believe that the only way to glorify you was to sacrifice myself. But then as an adult, I took the time to journey with you to the cross.
00:17:02
Speaker
I saw you there looking at me, inviting me to see and believe that the sacrifice was complete. I saw you there looking at me, inviting me to hear and internalize your very words. It is finished and live in the joy of the resurrection.
00:17:30
Speaker
I saw you there, inviting me to envision this life in a new way, living joyfully with you, through you, to you. Now I believe that the journey from here to heaven is meant to be life-giving. There are still obstacles to overcome, sacrifices to make, sadness and suffering to endure.
00:18:00
Speaker
But none of that comes from you. Now I believe the only way to glorify you is to be myself. Now I believe that the road to you is paved with light and joy and love and happiness. May I never forget. Amen.
00:18:31
Speaker
Thank you for joining me for the 2024 Lenten season as we leaned into our belovedness. May you never forget.