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Navigating the Holidays Stress-Free: Tips for a Peaceful Season
116 Plays1 year ago
Happy Holidays SNMA Family!🎄 Whew, it's a jam-packed episode so grab a cup of hot chocolate and get comfy! We discuss tips for managing holiday stress, gift-giving as a medical student/resident, intimate partner violence, and more. We end this episode with a heartfelt message from our host, Erica Dingle!❤️
In the Financial Corner segment, Dr. Aldwin Soumare gives us advice on holiday spending and how to properly budget for your Christmas shopping.
To share your thoughts on our discussions or if you have any questions email podcast@snma.org for a chance to be featured on the show!
Disclaimer: The opinions and views expressed on our podcast do not reflect the official stance of the Student National Medical Association.
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Transcript
Introduction and Holiday Greetings
00:00:00
Speaker
The views expressed on this podcast represent only those of the hosts and do not represent the views of the Student National Medical Association.
00:00:07
Speaker
Hey S&M family, my name is Tosin Ibrahim. I am one of your membership chairs and I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May the New Year be just as bright and beautiful as you all. Hi S&M family, it's Anastasia, one of your external affair chairs. I'd like to wish you all a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. I hope you take the time to really rest and recharge so you continue to inspire change in everything you set your mind to.
00:00:32
Speaker
Hello, SNMA family. My name is Shivani, co-chair of AMI Convention Planning, and I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you to be excellent in this coming year of 2024 and have a very happy holidays.
00:00:46
Speaker
In the May family, my name is Fola Alade. I'm the current National Vice President of the SNMA this administrative year, and I would like to extend a Happy Holidays to you all. I hope that you spend time with your family this time, as well as rest before the new year starts, and I hope to see you all at
Encouragement and Community Reflections
00:01:02
Speaker
AMEC. Hi, SNMA family. My name is Sydney Baltimore, one of the EAC chairpersons. Come here to wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, and a Happy Holidays.
00:01:15
Speaker
from my family to yours. Hey, Estimate fam. It's Aun Dean Eakin, your executive producer of Estimate Presents the Lounge. I want to wish you all a joyful Christmas and a fruitful New Year. May God protect you and your families during this holiday season. Please take the time to reflect, reset, and reconnect with yourself and your loved ones. I pray that you all will get to experience the fruits of your labor in the year of 2024. See you all next year.
00:02:02
Speaker
What's up, SNMA family? It's Erica Dingle. Student Dr. Isabella. Dr. Aldwin. And we want to wish you all a happy holidays and a joyful new year.
00:02:17
Speaker
You know, we got to continue raising the roof and levels in this game. You know, 2024 is around the corner and is our time to elevate who we are for our communities, for the way in which we live our life, the way we inspire others, the way that we continue to be encouraged by the work that we actually do. And so I believe in each and every one year, 2024 is coming. So let's finish 2023 strong with gratitude and grace and poise. You dig?
00:02:46
Speaker
But y'all know what the time is, what the vibes is. Welcome to SNMA Presents Lounge. Whether you're in the student lounge, the doctor's lounge, and lounging around at home, get ready to join SNMA for meaningful conversations on topics affecting minorities in medicine and groups that often sit at the margins of healthcare.
00:03:07
Speaker
My name is Dr. Aldrin K. White Co. Poppy K. Enriching Doc BX. And something that I look forward to during Christmas is just...
00:03:17
Speaker
expressing gratitude, gratefulness. I feel like a lot of times people are so caught up in, I gotta get gifts, I gotta do this, I gotta travel. But for me, the main thing is being able to help others achieve their goal. One of my homies, we're gonna be hosting a toy drive for the kids in my community, and as well as there's gonna be another toy drive with this organization I'm part of called Black Health Connect that we'll be doing.
00:03:39
Speaker
in downtown Manhattan as well. So I think the main thing is being able to be in a space where I could continue giving to others and not necessarily receiving. Like I've received all I needed from my community and now it's time for me to give back.
Personal Holiday Plans and Experiences
00:03:51
Speaker
How about y'all though? How do y'all feel about upcoming Christmas?
00:03:55
Speaker
Hello, everyone. I'm student Dr. Isabella, and what I look forward to during Christmas, well, of course, being home with family is number one, but I will be traveling after Christmas for my birthday. I'm a traveler. That's what I like to do. This year, I will choose to spend my after Christmas in a warm climate, so I will be traveling.
00:04:19
Speaker
to an island that shall not be named yet, because, you know, to those who follow me on social media or who know me, you will see where I'm going to go. But I think that I don't like to tell everyone all of my my plans. So it'll be on an island. I'll be slipping a pina colada. So that's that's what I'm looking forward to mostly makeup.
00:04:43
Speaker
is about on that surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise
00:04:57
Speaker
You know, it's I feel like everyone doesn't need to know your your moves, you know I'm trying to protect the good energy because you don't know who's out there. Okay, you're right That's fair. Yeah, it's off the show
00:05:16
Speaker
That's good. I hope you enjoy your vacation. Thank you. I appreciate it. This is Erica Dingle. What's up? What's up? Something that I look forward to during Christmas is New York City, period. I don't know if anyone has ever been during the Christmas season, but it is something to behold, to actually
00:05:39
Speaker
go on to Saks on Fifth Avenue to see the Christmas tree. And I'm a native New Yorker, and I'm still always just taken aback by the beauty that you get to see in your city. Yes, it's crowded. And at times, it can be annoying to have to deal with the tourists that don't know how to walk down the sidewalks and the streets. But you know, it really is a beautiful season to kind of
00:06:09
Speaker
explore New York. So that's what I look forward to around Christmas. And don't forget, Rockefeller Center, too. I'd be loving nice to go skating in Busmont all the time. But that's always a good vibe, too. Well, yeah, that's where the Christmas tree is, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's a fact. Yeah.
00:06:26
Speaker
Yeah, I do love going there. So for now though, let's, let's get into it, right? It's time for us to run the list and for our preclinical students, running the patient list on the wards allows the team to address the pressing matters of the day.
Managing Holiday Stress
00:06:43
Speaker
So in this segment of the show, we'll be discussing some recent events in medicine affecting our communities and the populations we serve.
00:06:55
Speaker
Christmas y'all. It's that season. First though, we do want to wish y'all a happy holiday season and hope that everyone had a safe and happy and full Thanksgiving. Right. How was y'all Thanksgiving? It was love. I had a great time for Thanksgiving. I was at mom's friend's spot doing a thing holding down
00:07:24
Speaker
Okay, yeah. Yeah, Thanksgiving was good for me as well. You know, I definitely think it's important to note that my Thanksgiving looked different this year because you know, a very vital part of my family member wasn't present physically, unfortunately. But I think it's, it's, it's important to note because everybody
00:07:42
Speaker
There's a lot of people who can relate to that, you know, spending a holiday without a loved one being present when they probably were there the year before, or just maybe not having generally good memories about majority of the holidays. I mean, for me, I typically have good memories for mine, but this year was a bit different. So I think for the listeners, just if anybody out there feels like, oh, you know, this wasn't the Thanksgiving I would have liked to have, or maybe I imagined to have, just know that you're not alone in that space, because I too can relate to that.
00:08:11
Speaker
That's real. Same here. It was my second holiday without my favorite uncle. Well, second Thanksgiving and just the reality of them not being on this earth, it hits like a ton of bricks. I feel that because December holidays or November holidays are typically a joyous time, but for others, it can be sorrowful and difficult for various reasons like the one you just listed.
00:08:40
Speaker
Right. That's real. That is real. Yeah, but I definitely think that, you know, moving forward, we want our listeners to be able to know what they can do in terms of just managing the stress that can come from holidays, because while it is a joyous time, it also does have its
00:08:58
Speaker
fair share of things that aren't as joyous. So according to the clinical neuropsychologist, Dr. Angela Drake, who's based in UC Davis, she had some tips for managing holiday stress. So for her first was just managing the expectations of a holiday.
00:09:13
Speaker
basically just trying to figure like, I guess for her, she said, quote, often what we are experiencing is a disconnect between our actual situation and what we think it should be. So I guess it's more so letting go of like, what is it that you think the holiday should look like and kind of accepting it for what it is and trying your best to move forward in that direction. Two, she notes, you know, letting go of the fantasy that that's a little bit harsh, Dr. Andrew Davis, but you know, because we all like to dream and hope that, you know, whatever's in our heads,
00:09:41
Speaker
can manifest. But I definitely see what she's saying. She's basically, I think saying like, allow practicality, maybe to rule more of your perception of the holidays rather than maybe what is in your head. And that kind of ties into number one. Number three, checking in with yourself. So I think that's definitely important always making sure that you
00:09:57
Speaker
are keeping tabs of your emotions and kind of like how you feel at any point in time during the holidays and I guess honoring that for having a plan. So she suggests having a specific plan for what you will do if you feel stressed out, sad or anxious during the holidays that could be calling a friend, it could be taking a walk, turning on music, reading, watching your favorite TV show.
00:10:19
Speaker
So basically things to, I guess, encourage self-care in that moment. Breathe, so of course we know that breathing is very important when it comes to just helping to calm the body, calm the mind.
00:10:34
Speaker
And so she mentions you can do deep breathing anywhere, it doesn't cost anything, that typically people are very much like on a go, go, go kind of energy during the holidays and will try to power through rather than allowing themselves to just take a deep breath and decompose themselves again.
00:10:51
Speaker
Six, share the happy memories. So of course, thinking about all the positives to the holidays, maybe you've had in the past that you can look fondly upon, or maybe that you can see right in front of you in that moment in time. Of course, there's going to be grief, but she said to also just try to remember the positives as well.
00:11:09
Speaker
And then last but not least, connecting with the community. So she says loneliness has negative effects, sorry, negative health effects. The holidays can amplify loneliness, especially when people no longer have family or live far away from their family or friends. Like you and I said, Erika, we both can kind of relate to having maybe a little bit of an absence that we know in the holiday setting, but
00:11:33
Speaker
Making sure to connect with other people is important during that time. And Dr. Drake makes note that that is something to help, I guess, combat that loneliness that can come with the holidays. Yeah, so that is the seven tips. Hopefully our listeners can take it moving forward into using it as they navigate the holidays. But what about you guys? How do you guys kind of keep yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually centered during the holidays?
00:12:03
Speaker
That's a good question. I think it changes. Like if I reflect on, I don't know, last year, how I handled myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually, honestly, it looks totally different than it does this year.
00:12:23
Speaker
I think I was just sad and last year was really hard. So I stayed to myself so as not to bring my worst self, which what I felt was like my worst self at the time. I didn't want to bring that to other people.
00:12:41
Speaker
So I just kind of stayed to myself and you know, thank God for Netflix. There's always something to watch. You know, whether it's, you know, watching sermons or just not, not even just church at this point, but like motivational talks, you know, like I said, it changes when I was in my twenties, I was probably heavy on the sermons, but like now I'm more open to listening to other avenues.
00:13:09
Speaker
of encouragement and building up, you know, videos that talk about building up oneself. So yeah, without rambling, it changes.
Financial and Gift Discussions
00:13:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:22
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely feel that. I mean, I agree with you, Erica, in terms of it changes like a year ago for me, I was like in a very dark space, you know, in a year ago, I was preparing to go to Paris, you know, I had left residency at the time and trying to figure out like what my next steps were because it felt like a failure. You know what I'm saying? In the holidays, typically, I'm in, you know, uplifted spirit like my birthday's in December, too. So December 14, in case I want to be late.
00:13:51
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? You said you got my Amazon gift list. It's going to be in the show notes, too. It's going to be in the show notes, yeah. But you're a snatch, though. I'm a Capricorn, so you're like early December. Yeah. I don't know about better, but I'll say, at least we have the commonality of having December as our birthday month, so that's nice.
00:14:16
Speaker
But this year, I think I've experienced such significant humility and humbleness about this process. And I'm so grateful again to be here because last year, I don't think it would have been a year where I felt that way, where I felt entitled to live and do what I need to do. But now being in a space where I'm committed to social justice, community activism, and things of that nature, that's reinforcing why I need to continue to do the work that I'm doing.
00:14:44
Speaker
And I really stay emotionally and spiritually and mentally channeled through a variety of means. I always mention on the podcast meditation. I have a journal that I write in daily. I have a social support group that I connect with every week as well. Got my brothers at all times with me in case anything happens that I touch base with. So I really try to express that in a variety of forms and fashions and stay connected. And I always give myself grace.
00:15:12
Speaker
because it's like, your life is hard in itself, man. Living and breathing, having there's always pressures of the world that are put on to us. But I think that if we learn that those pressures, we can sometimes create ourselves. And if we let go of those pressures and say, today, I'm just going to chill. Like, I'm just going, like Erica mentioned, I'm watching Netflix. Like, I don't need to be going out and, you know, with all these friends and getting all these gifts or working out and
00:15:38
Speaker
you know, like feeling tired and all of these kind of things, like rest, reassess, reassure yourself, reaffirm yourself in this process. You know, you are a human being. You are not an automaton, right? You're not meant to do all these extraneous things. And I always go back to my ancestors. I try to live just like them. Like, when I'm tired, I sleep. When I'm hungry, I eat. You know what I mean? Like, it's just that's what it is. And I feel like we over complicate this process instead of enjoying the simplicities of life.
00:16:06
Speaker
we tend to navigate toward the complexities. And that's when we become in misalignment with who we truly are. Right. Agree. Agree.
00:16:20
Speaker
What about you is, did you answer? Yeah. Right. Well, you know, I think that you guys' answers is more than enough for our listeners. But I would say I'll give a little mention that I think for me is just making sure to keep in my relationship with God, make sure to give myself that space to do what
00:16:44
Speaker
fills my cup, even when it doesn't have anything to do with my responsibilities. And just trying to remind myself that, I mean, I have a faith system, you know, I believe in God, I can't speak for anyone else who's listening, but knowing that God is the one kind of leading my ship and not anybody else. So that's kind of how I go about it. So yeah, we will pull through. We will all pull through with the holidays.
00:17:11
Speaker
Alwyn said something about like kind of staying, doing what you need to do, like staying to yourself if you need to and not overextending yourself, right? Like we think we can kind of just do it all at times. I feel like that's how our society has approached Christmas and gift giving for a long time.
00:17:35
Speaker
Um, and it ends up being a source of financial stress and burden. Um, right. I mean, I think even pre pandemic, this was likely the case. Like I can remember scrambling to go get gifts. And it's like, do y'all even use these gifts? I'm spending all this money on y'all. Seriously. But you know, as of now, um,
00:18:01
Speaker
I believe it's the Washington Post that reported Americans are turning more cautious ahead of the holiday shopping season as they grapple with high prices, dwindling savings, and rising debt. That's so crazy. And then although shoppers are still spending, okay, this was according to Circana, excuse me, they're still spending their focus more on essentials and making fewer discretionary purchases. And this firm, Circana, they research consumer behavior.
00:18:32
Speaker
So, I mean, what, let's talk about your expectations before we get into more of the, I guess, consumer behavior aspect. Do y'all have expectations of people and standards that you place on yourselves regarding Christmas shopping?
00:18:53
Speaker
Go ahead, Alden, because you are Financial Corner extraordinaire. This is actually going to be part of the Financial Corner. We're going to talk about budgeting and kind of statistics. Way too soon, then. Don't give it a way too soon. No, I'm not giving it a way, baby. We ain't going to wait, baby. You know, we waiting. You know what I'm saying? We're going to do that. But honestly, I don't put any standards. For me, honestly, as it pertains to getting gifts, I have a very small family. Just me and my mom, pretty much. Everyone else is in West Africa.
00:19:22
Speaker
like in Europe and things that nature where they not to celebrate Christmas to the same extent that we do here. So for me, it's never been like that serious with Christmas. Like my mom always showed me love and all that good energy. But I never felt like there was a standard for me to like go out, get gifts for like, you know, for instance, my homies, daughters and stuff like that. Honestly, you know,
00:19:45
Speaker
I would do it, but it's not like at the forefront of my mind because they understand like, oh, he's trying to build, he's trying to save up, he's trying to create this financial empire that's really critical for him so that and he could disseminate what he needs to to the appropriate people that he needs to do that with. So I never put those standards on myself or anybody else.
00:20:03
Speaker
Again, I always believe in the spirit of Christmas for me is living in my total complete comprehensive self. And by giving myself to others, I'm given the gift that I need that's necessary for the world to see. I don't necessarily have to buy a gift per se. There's a five below on my block, not too far from here. And recently we had a toy drive again.
00:20:24
Speaker
I got like a couple gifts, so, you know, random, you know, children in the neighborhood. And I think that's always great because toys help kids connect to their childhood and makes them feel good. Positive emotions, mental health, and all those good things. So I will do that in that circumstance, but I don't by any means put pressure on myself to say, yo, I got to get every kid that I know on a block
Entertainment Industry Issues and Legal Battles
00:20:44
Speaker
like a toy. Like, no, that is just not, that's unrealistic. You know, I can only control what I do, how I think, how I feel, and how I behave. And to me, the most important thing is
00:20:53
Speaker
giving myself for others in this special moment in time. I'm gonna play devil's advocate real quick. Go ahead, do your thing, I'm ready. And I'm gonna pose this to is because is is still in school. So like, let's say you have an expectation, somebody's buying you a gift for Christmas, some bodies, what would you recommend as the best gifts for medical students in your site?
00:21:19
Speaker
Mm, that's an amazing question. I love that. Yeah. That's actually an amazing question. Wow. For residents too, don't forget, you know? Okay. Residence too, yes. Yeah. So both of y'all can kind of... I think like the best gift would be if somebody like paid like maybe a couple of my bills, honestly speaking, because my bills seem to go big. They take a little bit. Yeah, we never know. Tell them right now. How much money is that? There might be somebody looking, that's my pay.
00:21:45
Speaker
Well, okay. Well, listen, you know, I don't want anybody out here judging my lifestyle. But I will say, I will say my bills, you know, will every month come up to around roughly 2000 a month, you know, when I'm calculating everything. So that is a lot of my
00:22:07
Speaker
low money slash whatever other income I may have saved when I worked before I came to medical school. It's a big amount, so I feel like if somebody said, oh, I will pay the next two, three bills of your rent. Oh, that would be a beautiful gift, but can they afford it? That's the question. Now, that's where a husband comes in rather than somebody just giving me a gift. But I think that
00:22:32
Speaker
I think medical students appreciate when the burdens of not making a certain income during that time period could be alleviated by help with paying the way that they live. And not necessarily a superficial gift like, oh, buy me a new outfit or something like that. But something like that's sustainable. You need to sleep somewhere. So a rent, somebody's rent would be very appreciated. Pay their car note, whatever the bill may be.
00:22:59
Speaker
Um, not saying that, you know, not trying to put out all my bills out there, but you know, there is somebody out there who wants to help a medical student. All right. Now I got one for you. What if, what if someone paid for your UWorld subscription with that? That'd be great. Yeah. Cause you were expensive. Yeah. I just dropped 400, $400 for the, um, complex level three. And that was with the discount, wasn't it? Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker
That's what Christmas happened to myself. That's my Christmas gift. Okay, I love that for you. No, but if they pay for my actual exam, because that's $600,000, I would listen, okay? You may be the one. If you're a dude, you may be the one. I wish men could say the same and have someone pay for the UWorld or the exams.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yeah, I got it good. I got it good. Yeah. I can't speak for medical students, right? Some people might be like, oh, I want a new closet. And that's what makes them happy. But I think that for us, it's just the burden of having to pay all these other bills. And we're not even making an income that's not loans. So that's what I would speak on for my fellow med students.
00:24:18
Speaker
But I definitely think that this has been a great, it's been great for us to just talk about the good parts of the holidays, right? Which is like, or actually not necessarily the good parts, but more so the parts of the holidays that have to do with the reality, the harsh reality. So we talked about
00:24:37
Speaker
kind of like the mental health burden that comes with holiday stress, we talked about the financial burden, like there's a lot of burden that comes with the holidays, but there's been a lot of burden in other aspects as well, maybe not so close to home when it comes to our personalized, but definitely
00:24:51
Speaker
the entertainment world has been having a very large burden right now. Specifically, somebody who goes by the name Diddy, as well as Pete Love, he calls himself Big Love. What does he call himself? Brother Love now? Listen to this.
00:25:07
Speaker
He's going by so many different names and we also have the Kiki Palmer and Darius Jackson situation. So I wanted to just say both right off the bat because I feel like there's a lot of overlap between their two situations in terms of
00:25:24
Speaker
intimate partner violence being a huge focal point for both Cassie and Diddy, as well as Kiki Palmer and Darius's situation. So Kiki Palmer, Darius, let's start with them. So I'll start with them because we spoke about them in previous episodes when Kiki Palmer wore a particular outfit that Darius didn't approve of, and he chose to use Twitter as his outlet to... You're my mom.
00:25:50
Speaker
You a home mom though. Like just, you know, berating our good sis Kiki. And we do not know this man, right? We don't know this man. We don't know what he's about outside of being Kiki Palmer's boyfriend and maybe, or let me not say, allegedly the brother of Seronis Jackson. That is his brother. I've just been messy by saying allegedly.
00:26:13
Speaker
So we know his brother played one of Molly's boyfriends on the show, Insecure, made by Issa Rae, but he's maybe what, a C-list actor at best? Like he's still not that famous, but if I have to use anything to describe Darius, I would talk about his...
00:26:38
Speaker
I'm just going, listen guys, I'm going with the facts. I'm not trying to shade anybody. I'm just saying like, we did not know Adarius, did not know anything. You shading that man by talking about his sealer celebrity brother.
00:26:50
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Listen, you know, I'm not going to sit here and lie on this good podcast that we do every month. So, you know, I will say that for Darius and Kiki, I thought that we came, you know, after that situation happened, it seemed that everybody
00:27:11
Speaker
was siding with Kiki, as they probably should. It seemed like, you know, there wasn't much being said on Kiki's end. I mean, she never really directly made a comment about, you know, what Dary is said on Twitter. So we're not even sure, like, where does she stand with, like, his opinion?
00:27:29
Speaker
Then she pops up on her birthday and she's singing to this man and feeding this man and they're having dinner and they look like they're kumbaya. Then everybody's like, oh, maybe we should just mind our business because they're still holding on strong. I think we all took a back seat. Even though I know for me, I still felt like what he did was weird on Twitter, but I never connected it to what ended up being revealed, which is that apparently,
00:27:55
Speaker
Darius has been physically and, you know, emotionally abusing Kiki for some time now, to the point that she filed a restraining order on November 9, 2023, alleging that on November 5, Darius trespassing her home without her knowledge or her consent. And there was a video revealed on TMZ that showed Darius physically attacking Kiki.
00:28:16
Speaker
It also got pretty messy with the family. Kiki's mom got involved. There was a whole phone call that got leaked on social media with Kiki's mom and Darius and Kiki. Kiki's mom is basically going in on Darius and Usher somehow gets mentioned in. That man was just minding his business and his whole sexual identity got outed on this phone call.
00:28:44
Speaker
Listen, what I tell you, it's been messy. It's been messy. But I want to pause before we go into the Diddy Cassie situation. What are you guys' thoughts just about this Kiki and Darius situation? Any form of violence toward man or woman I'm completely against, and the fact that he put his hands on another woman, I'm disgusted at that. But I'm also interested to hear, because oftentimes with partner violence,
00:29:14
Speaker
I'm not going to say it's equal, but I'm interested to hear if she played any role in regards to the violence because sometimes we only hear one side. Like, let's just keep it. You know what I mean? But if it's him actually doing this and then that's the mother of your child, like that, that is just pure hatred. Like, you know, what is going on with your psyche, with your brain, with your mind?
00:29:34
Speaker
that you feel like you have to take it to that extent and then trespass. So I got to wait and see what's going to transpire with this, to be honest. I'm disappointed, because I was holding on for the Darius troops, even though he's D-list celebrity, or he's unknown, but now he's not even D-list.
00:30:06
Speaker
You stay unknown until you do something in your career that garters you.
00:30:14
Speaker
That makes a lot of sense. But I mean, I haven't followed up much with it, but I will say that, you know, shout out to Kiki for standing ground on what she needs to do, you know, protecting herself. If you got to, you know, oftentimes in these scenarios, you know, especially as it pertains to black women, you know, they don't want to harm the potential of the man that they were with.
00:30:36
Speaker
in terms of what they got going on. Because if you include police, police reports, media, and all of those kind of things, they tend to shy away from that. And they keep these instances bottled in for protection of that man. And sometimes that leads to disastrous consequences, murder, violence, continued lack of support, encouragement, and things of that nature. So I'm happy that she stood firm on what she thought was what she needs to do at that particular time.
00:31:03
Speaker
And time will tell what's going to really transpire. But yeah, I don't know much else to say about that. It's unfortunate all around, because I think this has forced her to take legal action for the custody of her baby boy. According to NBC New York, Kiki Palmer petitioned the court for Jackson to pay for his own attorney.
00:31:32
Speaker
in this custody battle for her baby boy. She's requested full legal and physical custody according to documents obtained by TMZ and Page Six. I did mention she petitioned the court for Jackson to pay for his own attorney, though she elected to front the cost for the reasonable expenses of pregnancy and birth per the outlets. And she's also noted the legal papers
00:31:58
Speaker
that the court may make orders for child support and issue an earnings assignment without further notice to either party. So it's, I mean, it makes you wonder, it makes you wonder like, so she's, I don't see Kiki needing child support, not to say that she shouldn't get it. I just don't see her needing it. From him. Right, from him. So it just makes you wonder like,
00:32:25
Speaker
she probably was endangered if this is something that she's fallen. Right. And so soon after I think the news was released. So the truth will come out. I'm out of my business either way, but we do report the news around here. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. But yeah, nobody wants to hear a story of any domestic violence on either side, male or female. Yeah. And I'll say, you know, to our listeners, if y'all want to get the details about
00:32:56
Speaker
These allegations, you guys can Google it, but also on top of that too, Kiki does make some remarks about just this seeming to run in Jackson's family, like Darius's family and whatever she mentions, the brother she mentions.
00:33:11
Speaker
You know, we won't talk about this on this platform because that's not our place. We're just here to report the news and possibly give our take or two, but everything else, you know, social media is free. Google's free. You guys can look into those details. But this is the first, I think, large example from a celebrity this year about intimate partner violence.
00:33:35
Speaker
And so it was just very jarring to see it happen. And I think that Kiki has been such a squeaky clean character for almost her entire career. So the fact that a man is causing all this situation, it's just very disheartening. And my heart goes out to her. I really hope that she heals from this. But yeah, we wish her the best of luck. So now moving on to
00:34:03
Speaker
Diddy and Cassie. So this one, guys, this one threw me for a loop. Because it's like, for years, for years, I have been hearing things to the great friend about Diddy. But it was always like, he said, she said kind of chopped and screwed version of, you know, Diddy. And it was never like a clear, concise thing. I heard things from 50 Cent about this man does not mess with Diddy for a number of reasons.
00:34:29
Speaker
sometimes it was very more on the edge of homophobia. So I was like, eh, like, is it because the man moves differently than maybe you would move? But then I was like, okay, I can see where this allegation possibly, you know, came from. If this was what he was alluding to, I heard things from Tasha Kay's blog site about some ex-girlfriend who said very, very similar things to the lawsuit.
00:34:53
Speaker
that Cassie put. So it's just very interesting to see this all now be said in one piece, in one story, and now we can get the full picture. Like, okay, this is what went down. This is probably what has happened to other women that he's been seriously involved with. And now we can start scrutinizing this man a little bit differently because there's a lot of people who are around him that is no longer
00:35:16
Speaker
on this earth anymore. And I just wonder what he had to do about that situation. So just to kind of spell it out for our listeners, Cassie, also known as her full name, Cassandra Ventura, she filed a sex trafficking sexual assault lawsuit on November 17 against her ex-boyfriend,
00:35:34
Speaker
P. Diddy Combs in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York according to court documents obtained by USA Today. So there was a lot of things said in that lawsuit. It was a 35-page lawsuit. So Sis went from the beginning. She started from when she first met this man all the way back in 2005 down to the day she said goodbye in 2018. Like she went through the whole thing. But I think the best way to kind of encapsulate it is that
00:36:03
Speaker
Diddy would physically assault Cassie, had her doing sexual acts that involves human trafficking, as well as his own personal sexual
00:36:22
Speaker
uh, I don't know what the word to say is the fantasies or his own sexual preferences. I don't, you know, I'll try. Yeah, I'm trying to keep it as G slash PG rated on this podcast as I can. But listen, that lawsuit is R rated mature. Like it was far from that. So I'm really trying my best, but it is just, it's
00:36:43
Speaker
I think a good example to give would be the fact that, so I think the human trafficking piece is a very big piece because that's like, that should send somebody to prison. But basically he would have something called freak offs, which is a fancy term for voyeurism, which is essentially just taking somebody that you are intimate with and watching them have sex with another person,
00:37:10
Speaker
as a way to please yourself. And so he would get these people that Cassie would have sex with through telling her to hire male, black male escorts on various sites, and they would have these all across the globe, honestly. Like, it wouldn't just be in the United States he would have them in.
00:37:30
Speaker
And Cass – so that's just one quick example but there's many more and I don't want to belabor the point too long. So I'm just trying to find a way to summarize it. However, I think the best way to put it is that she has been in this toxic abusive relationship for almost her entire 20s.
00:37:49
Speaker
And because that was her boss, she didn't feel like there was anything she could do and he also was known to be very abusive and he controlled pretty much everything in her life. So she didn't feel like she could walk away. She didn't feel like she could do anything without facing severe repercussions.
00:38:05
Speaker
So now we're talking about where are we at now with the whole suit, right? So those who want to know the details, this is not the platform. We're going to say every little thing that Diddy did, but there's people who have given their own, I guess, summaries of it. Jesse Wu is a person
00:38:24
Speaker
DJ academics, if that's the kind of flavor you like, but I'll warn you in advance, he does add spice and a little bit of some controversial twists to the way he says his things, but he'll go through the whole lawsuit. And there's even some things floating on TikTok. So if the listeners, if you guys want to
00:38:44
Speaker
hear everything and get the whole story, I would suggest you look to those resources. And so in terms of now the settlement. So what really blew I think a lot of us is that in less than 24 hours this court, this case was settled. Whichever unknown amount was paid to Cassie,
00:39:04
Speaker
And the whole thing is over. There's nothing to be said. And I think that people were surprised because they thought, oh, Diddy's going to probably drag it out in court. He has been denying the allegations. He's never accepted the allegations. However, he still paid some amount to end the suit. I don't know. What are you guys' thoughts? What do you guys think could have caused him to settle it so quickly? Other than he likely did it, I mean,
00:39:36
Speaker
I'm just saying like, and this is I'm not, I'm not in law. So I don't really know what else would cause a person to not fight for their money beyond $30 million because we do know that the amount was more than that.
00:39:50
Speaker
Maybe he just is in his love era and feels like everybody that sues him should get money because he's brother love. You know, that could very well be it too. Who knows? And maybe he just has no time for fake ones and wants to sip Cristal with the real ones at this point. I don't know.
00:40:08
Speaker
But either way, it is wild because I know you gave us the details, but the lawsuit alleges rape, physical abuse, and sex trafficking, none of which is to be taken lightly. There were also members of a previous group, Danity Kane, that showed support to Cassie amidst all of this coming out.
00:40:32
Speaker
One of which I think is Aubrey who's been vocal over many years just kind of letting people know like this man is unhinged. Yeah. And I mean, like you said, you can do a deep dive to find out stuff on your own. You can find the 35 page lawsuit on your own.
00:40:53
Speaker
And I just, I don't know. Did he run the city is what they say. So, you know, he has money like to put out for it. So I guess. Okay. And let's keep in mind, y'all, this is the same man that was not paying people their royalties for how many years? And now all of a sudden he gave them their rights back. So let's just, I just want to let everybody know that. So that way we can use our own critical thinking skills to see
00:41:19
Speaker
Was he preparing for this? Is it what you just said, Erika? Is he in his brother love phase? I don't know. I'm leaning towards the first. And I also think, but sorry Aldon, I want to hear what you think about it because before I kind of keep going. My way, great comprehensive overview of the suit and what's going on. I loved it.
00:41:40
Speaker
I even learned some things from what you were saying. So in this scenario, what we got to look at is, you know, there's a civil suit and then, you know, there is the criminal aspect of it. She was primarily focused on the civil side. Now, what she had talked about, about, you know, violence, I remember reading in some of it that there was one night that he had punched her in her face. She ended up bleeding.
00:42:02
Speaker
and then end up like vomiting from the you know the consequences of being punched in the face and even one of his bodyguards reported like he's been set to say this on interviews on the lad and all those kind of media outlets like yo did he really be on this type of top you know so i'm not in doubt of like what transpired but it's interesting to see
00:42:22
Speaker
No, she only focused on the civil side where the money aspect is but chose not to and for whatever reason I support her in coming out because now what's gonna happen is that now other women if Allegedly he has done these things. He's probably done it to other women as well And maybe it's giving them the confidence and allows them to bolster their own support
00:42:43
Speaker
and surround themselves by other women who are doing this and go after them. If you do wrong, you got to do the time, bro. You know what I'm saying? I can't imagine someone being in that position of power.
00:42:55
Speaker
being able to take advantage of such, you know, a beautiful woman in such way. I mean, they even remarked that he made her cut her hair. You know what I'm saying? Like when they had the half hair, she had the half hair on the other side, and then that became a new trend. But behind that experience was trauma, and we didn't even know. Oh, she started something different. And it was flying. I ain't gonna lie, you know? I had one of my exes do the same thing too. I was like, yo, you know what I'm saying? Put on right there. You look good with that. You feel me?
00:43:28
Speaker
Okay. So you didn't tell her to do that. I didn't tell her to do that. Okay. Okay. I thought, I thought it was her. It looked good. You know, she, you know, she pulled up one day with it anyway. Okay.
00:43:43
Speaker
I thought she was about to finish you all. I misheard you. I'm so sorry. Be careful. I know that you're ready. We get ready on this podcast. I stay ready. That's all period. We don't condone violence on this podcast. At all.
00:44:03
Speaker
The point of the matter is that I expect Diddy to receive his proper retribution in due time. What is done in the dark will come into the light in some shape or form. And what I get really frustrated with is all these people, you read the comments and there's men in there like, oh, why she took so long? It doesn't matter whether she took 10 years, 15 years,
00:44:25
Speaker
It's a complex situation that you are in there facing it, that you don't understand. Sometimes even scenarios where this guy has a choke hold on your career. Let's be honest, Cassie's career has not really flourished and she's talented. I'm not saying she's crazy with vocals and singing, but I think Erica's looking at me like crazy, but I think Cassie has talent.
00:44:47
Speaker
Like, I mean, I think she has some talent. You know what I mean? She had a good run in the early 2000s R&B phase. I think she fit the sound. Now, does she have talent? Yes, does she have talent? That is questionable.
00:45:07
Speaker
Yeah, that's the question. She has some talent, you know, like I would say. But anyway, regardless, the point of the matter is that, you know, this this has had to transpire, you know, and no matter what we think, no matter how we feel, the truth will come out and we will navigate this as we need to.
Sports and Mental Health Discussion
00:45:25
Speaker
100 percent.
00:45:29
Speaker
You brought up a good point to Alwyn. Sorry, my face was still looking crazy because of the Cassie thing. I personally. The hair? Yeah. Well, no, she had one song, right?
00:45:41
Speaker
uh she got me and you yes she had me and you and she also had she also had um long way to go way to go that that slap okay the way they synthesized the beats and all that the way they autotuned her voice yes but let's go okay okay okay so i'll take it i'll take it
00:46:03
Speaker
I'm just saying, Audelton makes the world go round. But no, you mentioned like with Diddy being accused, it might encourage other women to come out, whether it's against him or even with others. And I'd like to bring up what's known as the Adult Survivors Act. So on, I believe it's May 24th, 2022, Governor Kathy Hochul here in New York signed the Adult Survivors Act.
00:46:30
Speaker
And this is an act or bill creating a one year look back window for survivors of sexual assault that occurred when they were over the age of 18 to, was it over or under?
00:46:46
Speaker
Y'all remember? It's over? Okay. Oh, it was over the age of 18. Okay. To sue their abuser. Does that make sense? Okay. Sorry, the way I was reading it. Over the age of 18, to sue their abusers, regardless, here we go, of when the abuse occurred. So if it occurred when they were 15 to 17, they could sue them when they were over the age of 18.
00:47:05
Speaker
And I think this act being initiated in the window was what up until November 24th of this year with a couple day extension or something like that. So we've been seeing multiple accusations coming out regarding these survivors that have dealt with some type of sexual assault. And you asked the question like,
00:47:34
Speaker
or pose the thought, are people going to come out more and more now? I mean, we've seen it in the last few weeks. There's been a number of reports, like another person against P Diddy, Gooding Jr., the former mayor of New York again. There are others. I don't remember their names, but Jamie Foxx. Yeah, Jamie Foxx. Yeah. So I think that being
00:47:59
Speaker
the case, you know, when you have one person that speaks up, albeit the time, it does kind of give other women who felt like they didn't have a voice for so long, the option to kind of say, you know what, let me take my stand. So yeah, and also, I don't think it needs to be stated, but we will. SNMA, the podcast, condemns all acts of physical
00:48:24
Speaker
and sexually intimate partner violence, like all of them, across the board. So we talk about it, but we don't condone that around here at all.
00:48:33
Speaker
100%. And we just want to make sure that people know that, you know, the holidays, they are a time of joy, you know, and community. But for people who have an abusive partner, especially during the holidays, where you kind of like maybe feel trapped around them all the time, it can be really stressful and dangerous. And so spending time with family and friends dealing with extra stress and traveling can just challenge the safety planning during the holidays or a long weekend.
00:48:55
Speaker
And family and friends may also struggle to help or support the particular survivor during that time. And so we also suggest planning for holidays and weekends to help families and survivors feel safer during these moments. There is a link that talks about the hotline.org and safety planning for the holidays.
00:49:14
Speaker
We also want to shout out the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are open 24-7, so you can call at any time. They have languages in both English, Spanish, and 200 others through interpretation services. And so if you guys go ahead and dial the number 1-800-799-7233, that is a hotline that could potentially save you or somebody else's life if you know anybody that is experiencing intimate partner violence.
00:49:43
Speaker
That's a fact. Well, you know, thank you guys for speaking on the importance of awareness of domestic violence. But now we get our heads toward the violence that's been perpetuated in the NBA. You know, we haven't talked sports for a little while now, but this guy, Draymond Green, who is notorious for his nonsense that he does. If you guys don't know, Draymond Green is one of the players for the Golden State Warriors, four time NBA champion.
00:50:08
Speaker
allegedly going to be in the Hall of Fame, but with his acts, I seem to doubt that would potentially happen. But recently, he came into the news on November 15, 2023, because he put another player in the headlock who he has had a history with, Rudy Goldberg, who's a former defensive player of the year, an NBA and a great player from France,
00:50:31
Speaker
And this is not the first time he's done this. This guy has stepped and stomped on another player's chest while accidentally saying like he was in my way, so I'm going to stomp on his chest. He's kicked players in their body, you know, reproductive system parts, endangering the millions of dollars that these men are worth, according to the NBA.
00:50:53
Speaker
And so the debate that's going on, that's furring a lot of conversation is about what Draymond Green is doing. His intention is not intentional. He recently got a five game suspension. I think they're one in four. So he had one win and four lost people since he had the suspension. And people are wondering, should it be extended? Should it not be extended? And why is there this repeated history
00:51:18
Speaker
of violence that he portrays toward other NBA players. Now remember, the NBA has 425 players in it, approximately. And typically, most of these players, you know, they have a sense of brotherhood. But there's always a sense of agony, apprehension, anger,
00:51:34
Speaker
discuss toward particular players for one reason or another. And Draymond is oftentimes at the top of the list. There was actual footage of him punching another player about a year ago, Jordan Poole, who plays for the Wizards, knocking him out. So imagine you being a grown man, Draymond's like 6'8", Jordan Poole's like 6'6", 6'7". These are tall dudes, you know what I'm saying? That dude for your perception, you know what I'm saying? NBA is all about the perception. When we look
00:52:00
Speaker
back into the Allen Iverson days. And he's like, practice? You want to talk about practice? Allen Iverson was noted because of him talking practice for the rest of his career to look like someone that is in practice, even though he's one of the best players at the time. So things that happen in your personal life affect what happens in your professional life. We're seeing recently there's another player, Josh Giddy, who was noted to potentially have sexual engagements with the underage minor.
00:52:25
Speaker
But I'm saying that to say now with this happening with Draymond Green, repeatedly it happens, but this guy is still not being penalized in the same way that these other players are being penalized. He's not losing bread. People are still signing him. He got a multi-million dollar contract.
00:52:43
Speaker
that got reinforced this year. Someone to ask you guys, I know you guys don't necessarily probably watch sports like that, but what are your thoughts on, based off what I've kind of talked about with Draymond Green, how should the NBA, and how should we perceive of people like that in such an environment?
00:53:04
Speaker
This is like it's been repeated behavior at this point. Like I saw there's an article from I think it was last February when he did punch Jordan Poole at a press release. They asked him a bunch of questions and he dream-mongering stated it wasn't an anger management issue, but he keeps his emotions bottled up.
00:53:27
Speaker
Um, he says, and I quote, like I said before, I have an issue with how to let my emotions out. Quite frankly, I like to keep my emotions in because I don't like to give people the power over my emotions. So I internalize them. I'm not saying that it's something I want to change. I want to keep my emotions to myself, but what I do want to change and I do need to work on is how to end up coming out. Um, now I, I feel like this opens up.
00:53:52
Speaker
the floor to a bigger conversation that needs to take place regarding these sports. What I don't want to say companies, these sports teams and just the overall overarching, overarching sports, whether it's football, basketball, baseball, like I don't know. I know they have chaplains, but do they have therapists? Yeah, they actually the NBA has a mental health initiative, so they actually have psychologists
00:54:22
Speaker
that every MVP team has and there's, you know, you can actually have actual meetings with a psychiatrist as well. One of my homies is a sports psychiatry and Kelly and works with Lakers. Yeah. Well, in this instance, I would for him, unless he completed X amount and showed like fitness mentally, I wouldn't let him play no more.
00:54:45
Speaker
Cause it's these, you know how they get this God complex that I think is just associated to the amount of talent and money that they have. And it's like, well, unless they're being checked, it's going to keep happening. He says, you know, it's not something that I want to change. Well, bruh, you keep kirkin out on people.
00:55:05
Speaker
Right, you could hurt somebody, they could lose their career, put somebody in headlock, you know, you could not help you consciously die. Yeah, I think they just need to kind of take it into consideration more so like, what could be a worst case scenario if this man curbed out again? Like, could it ever come to like the death of a player?
00:55:27
Speaker
And I mean, wouldn't you want to try to stop that at all costs and, and rehab that man. Cause he needs it. And everybody else who might have some type of issue that they don't want to give out, you know, give people the power of their emotions. Fine, but let's figure out a way so you can remain talented, get your bag and do better. Cause this ain't it. This is not it. That's how I feel.
00:55:54
Speaker
Isabella here. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was gonna say, I feel like all of this situation is just reminding me of like the CTE epidemic in football players and that doctor, let's name it that. Bennett Omalu.
00:56:09
Speaker
Yes, I'm like, I'm Nigerian, I should I should remember his name. But yeah, like he, you know, came out and just talked about how we're seeing these abnormal abnormal behaviors, memory patterns in NFL players that they're dying and committing suicide at very high rates. And we can't really trace
00:56:31
Speaker
Where that's coming from and he linked it to stuff going on beneath the the brain and so I think it's great that Erica alluded to just like the mental health aspect of Sports because like I do think that's probably playing a big role in why he's behaving like this and maybe men Aren't taught to express their emotions to the same way that women are so a lot of the times they express it in ways that we deem to be aggression anger You know all of these things
00:56:56
Speaker
And so my hope is that if there is any mental health underlying cause here, that that gets addressed. And I do think that he probably needs to sit out from playing until that is...
00:57:09
Speaker
properly handled because it's only going to harm other people along the way. And we are a medical podcast, so we're going to talk about the medical and how that affects everything else. And so I feel like we'd be a mess to just say, oh, he's acting a damn fool without talking about the other reasons as to why that could be happening. So that's my take on it.
00:57:31
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, thank you guys for sharing that.
2023 Personal Reflections and Achievements
00:57:35
Speaker
Even though I'm sure you don't really watch the game like that, but I love that you really dismantled a lot of the issues that, like you said, mental health should be a priority. I mean, a lot of these players have such an expectation and pressure and burden to do well, to have 50 points a night and have all these rebounds, all these stats, but also their reflection of the environment that they come from too. And Draymond Green is from Saginaw, Michigan, which
00:58:01
Speaker
So most of them come from underprivileged environments and there's trauma in association with coming from those environments. And they've never really fully understood how to navigate those emotions or talk to people about that and the pressures they face. So I think that's really critical. And thank you guys for at least putting some words in with that.
00:58:24
Speaker
But yeah, with that being said, you know, 2023 is about to end, you know, and it's been an amazing year, some ups, some downs, some critical things that all happen in our respective lives. But we can do a, you know, a recap with what has transpired for all of us. So I'll let you guys go first and talk about what 2023 has meant for y'all, you know.
00:58:52
Speaker
I think 2023 has definitely been a year of lessons for me. I think, you know, I've grown a lot this year. I've gone through, like you said, ups downs. I think that comes with most years, but I think 2023 in particular, man, the downs have been
00:59:07
Speaker
like they never down before. But I definitely think that it's pushed me to grow in a lot of ways and hopefully show me my capacity of resilience when it comes to handling certain situations.
00:59:23
Speaker
how I can take that moving forward. So, you know, I'm happy to kiss a goodbye, but I'm not going to be too happy because when I was happy to kiss 2019 goodbye, we had a whole pandemic the year after. So let me just say that, you know, I am, I am, yeah, like I look forward to what is to come. So for me, I guess an experience that shaped me and caused me to grow this year the most. Um,
00:59:51
Speaker
And it might sound cliche, because I feel like when people say, oh, I went to Africa, it's like this life-changing experience. But I went to Africa for the first time. I visited Zanzibar. Yeah, it was beautiful. So much to say about it. Your body knows that you're home when you go back to Africa. It just does. I don't know how else to explain it, but it just knows that that's where you
01:00:20
Speaker
are from and free to be who you were born to be. It's the weirdest thing to explain because I feel like it does not make sense. But there was that. But the group of women I went with, one of them is one of my best friends from college.
01:00:39
Speaker
And everyone else was her friend. But I mean, to talk about a hand-picked group that made me feel like I was not on an island in life, there was just so much connectivity between our own life experiences, whether it was this year or in years past.
01:01:03
Speaker
And it kind of gave me the fuel or being with them there gave me this fuel to like live. This is going to sound cliche as well, but to live in my truth in so many ways. Um, one of which I can say is like my no means no. And that's okay. Um, because I think depending on how you were raised,
01:01:31
Speaker
Um, and the type of person you are in general, like I'm a people pleaser and I like to put others before myself always for reasons that I'm working through, but to have somebody.
01:01:47
Speaker
who I don't even have a relationship like that would read me for filth in the best way and tell me like, nah, you're no means everything to you. So it just, it really shaped how I'm moving forward with things in life, not overstretching myself.
01:02:06
Speaker
and just trying to be this super person, because I'm not a super person. I am a human. And yeah, like Africa was lit. I cannot wait to go back. I did not want to come back.
01:02:21
Speaker
I want it. Girl, you didn't get your hair braided when you were there. That's when you get the $20 single braids, box braids. It is going to happen sooner than later. Yet again, I have to go back. It felt so good to be there. The soft girl era. Like I love that for you. Touch and base.
01:02:42
Speaker
with the continent and always talk about grounding, grounding yourself in a different experience, different environment so that you can evolve yourself and see again and reflect where you are, where you've been and where you want to go. And for me, the same thing transpired. I went to Jamaica recently a couple of weeks back.
01:03:02
Speaker
for the Black Psychiatrist of America conference. Shout out to them. They paid for my trip out there. Hotel and all of that, you know, because I'm one of social media interns for them. But I got an award. He won an award. He won an award.
01:03:17
Speaker
clap it up. Yeah, I appreciate that. Nah, they, you know, they surprised me. I ain't gonna lie. So yeah, the thank you is called the Dr. Jean R. Spurlock Award for, it's a resident achievement award, even though technically I'm not a resident, but because of, I'm assuming the work that I do for my community and also for the organization, they wanted to celebrate that.
01:03:40
Speaker
And I remember when they called me for the award, I was like speechless. I went up on stage at a short speech, but usually I'll be ready and prepped. But it was like one of those special moments where I felt affirmed. And even while on the trip, you know, I met a lot of OGs and, you know, the black psychiatric gang.
01:03:56
Speaker
And one of the ladies was like, yo, I see you glowing. Like you're just different than when I seen you in March, because I went to the conference in March at Meharry over there. And it's like, yo, those special moments where it's like people see when you going through your challenges and your trials and tribulations, but they also see like when you're continuing to get to that next space.
01:04:14
Speaker
and that next step in your destiny. And I'm so appreciative of the conference because we have like 70, 80 black psychiatry attendants there, all speaking words into us and for us. There were other residents there, obviously, and there's I think one or two medical students that pulled up. But the fact of the matter is that the conference supports the efforts of being in the diaspora. We even went to Kingston, Jamaica, to one of the hospital, University Hospital of West Indies,
01:04:41
Speaker
Jamaican psychiatrists, and we learned about how they implement psychiatric care into the parishes and community in Jamaica. They have their own team that works with the actual police force there, so the police calls the psychiatric intervention teams to pull up when someone's having, you know, like acute psychosis or any type of mental, you know, disability that may occur in their home, and they bring the care to them rather than bringing them to the actual hospital where, you know, there's stigma
01:05:08
Speaker
there's a misunderstanding, there's fear, trepidation about being in that system. And so we, you know, I saw the beauty of it all, all across the whole spectrum from the food, the people, the energy, you know, being on the resort is my first time being on a resort. So I really appreciate that. But I even got a chance to even go to some of the lounges in the area and, you know,
01:05:30
Speaker
I knew you couldn't miss the lounge. I knew you couldn't. There's the lounge podcast, there's the lounge all day, and there's the lounge lounge. Okay, very good. I think that's very fancy though, so it's kind of fake, but it's all good though. I heard Jamaica KFC. If y'all ain't know Jamaica can't see this. This is delicious. Oh my gosh, I have to try it. I love that. So when you go next month, you let me know.
01:05:58
Speaker
Listen, I did not air out where I will be. I will say it will not be Jamaica. That's off the table. I will not be at Jamaica. That would have been nice. I'm sure it would have been nice, but I was like, I don't think I want to do Jamaica. I want to do some other place.
01:06:15
Speaker
But yeah, hilarious. You guys will see because I follow all of you guys on social media. So you guys will definitely see. But, you know, listeners, you know, if you happen to not follow me on social media, hopefully you hear on the next episode when I've already gone and come back. Yeah. Then then I'll announce where I went to. Put it in your close friend stories. That's all. That's all friends. I think I think so.
01:06:41
Speaker
uh i don't know what you better add me because i want to see the ratchet behavior of all i don't have a close friends to me if you're following me i consider you a close friend you know like so anybody who i'm following i feel like i feel comfortable enough for you to see my life so i don't really see the i see the need for it but i just don't do it
01:06:58
Speaker
Yeah. Because there's certain things the world don't need to see, bro. That's true. What I do is that I just hide the story from the specific person. You know, you can hide your story from like specific people. I checked the specific people. I'm like, yeah, you're not going to see this. There's a family member. You're not going to see this. You got programs, residencies, you got other doctors checking and doing so. It's hard. You can't. Well, yours is private. Mine's public. So that's private. So that's why it works out.
01:07:28
Speaker
that's why you just make two pages that's all no i think it's harder not harder that's it one for the plug and one yeah on the low right but you know what time what time it is you know we haven't had the opportunity to have financial corner for a little minute but you know as it is the holidays you know um i think it's very important to understand budgeting
01:07:53
Speaker
And also, as we mentioned earlier in the podcast, speaking to giving yourself enough grace and patience with yourself to understand your limits, what you can do, and also what you can do. Now, some interesting statistics about the typical holidays. Americans spend approximately $1,000 on Christmas each year, and seven out of 10 Americans exceed their budgets during
01:08:16
Speaker
the holidays, so over 70%. You go in with one thing, a list, and next thing you know, it's like, oh, I'm going to add this, I'm going to add that. And then you get to that checkout, it's like, nah, bro, like, nah. If you wanted to turn around, but you're like, I don't know if I'll have another opportunity to buy it. And it's like, if I turn around and these long lines, so it's like a whole bunch of complex things that you've got to think about. And 37% of those taking on holiday debt said it would take them at least five months to pay it off for this. Wow.
01:08:45
Speaker
And the thing is, the messages we see actually affect our behavior, right? There's Black Friday, Cyber Monday, like Thanksgiving, you know, like, I mean, every day there's a certain message, right? Your family will have a better Christmas if you buy this. Your kids will experience more joy if you get them this. Your perfect Christmas morning is missing only one thing. So that message kind of gives you a sense of like guilt tripping, like, yo, I feel like I need to do this, right? But the thing is, the holidays are not a good time.
01:09:14
Speaker
to overspend on your budget. So here's some of the things that you got to think about when going through the holidays. Set a clear budget for all expenses. So start today by deciding how much your budget is. If it's $100, it's $100. If it's $250, if it's $10, whatever the case may be, stick to it. And anything that goes, feel no shame about not going above the budget or going below. If you set a standard, keep to it.
01:09:40
Speaker
also sometimes people even there's tricks in getting through this so sometimes there's even like holiday tricks where you could actually you know find good deals but the thing is you got to assess for yourself is that deal worth it for you in the long term in terms of whatever the gift is all right
01:09:55
Speaker
Recognize retail tricks so stores have a nap not forgetting us to spend more so recognize some of the ones that I just mentioned earlier so be aware these and Tell your mind before going to the store like this is what my budget is They're not gonna trick me and if I feel like I don't want to get it. I'm not gonna get it They keep tricking me though. They keep trick. I'm not gonna hold you. They keep tricking me. So what what what are you supposed to look to somebody who is a
01:10:22
Speaker
a retail lover. Get out of there, man. Get out. Let's don't go to the store. I mean, honestly, that's what it is. But the hard part is, I know I'm sure you guys have seen the memes like what Black Friday was in 2010 versus what Black Friday now is. They had a cameraman at the Best Buy and then they opened the door and the lady opened the door and was like, damn, there's going to be another crazy holiday. And there's only one man that just pulled up into the Best Buy.
01:10:48
Speaker
You know what I mean? But the thing is now they have cyber, you know, you got online shopping. So that's another thing, you know, just avoid your favorite websites, you know, avoid those websites that you know is going to trigger you to, you know, want to cause, you know, to feel the cause to spend that money. Right. Right.
01:11:07
Speaker
Another thing, almost 50% of Americans feel like they're going to get themselves a gift. Hey, I got myself a gift because I need it, because I have to pass my licensure exam. So it's a necessity, an ensemin. If it's something that's an ensemin that's going to benefit you, I think there's nothing wrong with it. But don't fly just because everybody's getting gifts that you have to get yourself a gift. Yes, you know, holiday spirit. But if you don't feel like you need to get a gift, don't get a gift, save the money, maybe for a trip. Like, you know, Isabella's going on her trip, you know, we find out where it is.
01:11:42
Speaker
So the trips, the trips are my form of therapy as well as retail, right? So that's why I would say they keep tricking me and people like me who spend
01:11:59
Speaker
I'm an emotional spender. Does that make any sense? When I feel connected to something and when I feel like something's gonna make me happy, I will spend on it. And that's when my brother was reading me for for filth the other day saying like, you only spend when you care about it. When it's something like what you need, you don't care about, but you want somebody else to pay for it. Say that's for this.
01:12:32
Speaker
So, you know, I think that your advice about, you know, staying away from triggers such as sites, maybe not going to the store, you know, but that's that's difficult. You know, that's difficult. I think I got to print on it. Right. You got the discipline to go and get into med school past MCAT, past your step one. You definitely can have a different plan to be like, yo, I'm not spending this today.
01:12:41
Speaker
because I've experienced it, I've seen it in my whole life.
01:12:56
Speaker
You do it every day, right? You are disciplined enough to manage your finances, right? Like you said, $2,000 a month. Some people take that. I had a patient when I was on my psych ward that was spending his SSI checks on cocaine. And he was homeless, but he was getting $1,100 a month. So I mean, it's a matter of just, I'm depending and that is how long.
01:13:18
Speaker
you know like listen we we we don't condone you know illicit drugs on the podcast so that's not to make that clear but yeah this is a this is a story that I'm saying yeah yeah that expectations early so communicate with your family and friends very few of your families I hope would want you to go in debt so if you feel like you need to go to debt to get a gift
01:13:41
Speaker
Please don't do that. Just stay away from that. Be smart about travel because travel could be pricey. But if you get in due time, you got a five, six months ago, I mean, you might get a really good deal. And then last but not least, track every expense down. So it's always about writing and being mindful and being conscientious of
01:13:58
Speaker
uh what you're spending so that you know what's going on and you could you know mentally calculate but then physically calculate because if you don't see it then you won't know and if you don't know it then you'll be taking that banjo so at the end of the day be smart be mindful give yourself grace and it's okay not to get yourself a gift or someone else if it goes against the grain of you having a appropriate and comfortable livelihood we want to add one thing sure
01:14:24
Speaker
So as you mentioned, you are an emotional spender, right? So I do this not so much with spending, but I realize like on social media, on my phone, I can set a timer, right? So I give myself 15 minutes of time a day. I usually end up going over, but like when I was disciplined for real, I was set 15 minutes of time for Instagram or Facebook.
01:14:49
Speaker
do that with your apps on your phone for shopping. So if you don't find anything within 15 minutes, then you can't have anything. That is why you want it that bad. Right. Unless you know in your mind you're going for one thing, like you know exactly what you want to buy. It's not going to take you 15 minutes. That's true. But if you do that with all of those apps, if I don't know if you're a store shopper or if you shop on your phone, I feel like that would help. No, that's such an amazing thing. Yeah. You don't see it in 15 minutes. I don't need it. Out of sight, out of mind.
01:15:18
Speaker
Period. No, that's actually amazing, guys, because I am more of an online shopper. Sometimes I'll do store, but that's more so if I was already going to pick up something I needed, then I came across something else, but it's usually online. So yeah, I'm definitely going to look into that because that sounds... That would help me. That would definitely help me. So thank you, girl. I needed that. 15 minutes also for it. That's it.
Farewell to Erica and Team Gratitude
01:15:40
Speaker
Well, with that being said, we're closing out the financial corner. Thank you guys for your thoughts, questions, ideas. Make sure you keep saving that money, save that bread, be blessed during this holidays, and don't overpress yourself. And with that being said, that is our show. Thanks again for pulling up on this episode of The Lounge. And let us know your thoughts about the discussions we had today or ask us a question for a chance to be featured on the show by emailing us at podcast at SNMA.org.
01:16:10
Speaker
be sure to follow the SNMA on all our social media platforms to stay up to date on upcoming events. Also, we don't usually get to set our episodes.
01:16:33
Speaker
Okay, she usually stops at upcoming events. I usually do. I usually do. What's going on, girl? What's happening? Today is a little bit different, y'all. So this today's episode for December will be my final episode with the podcast. I have mixed feelings because I sincerely love and appreciate
01:16:59
Speaker
My teammates, for those of you that don't know the podcast, how it came to be like three years ago during the pandemic.
01:17:10
Speaker
We were all like just virtual meeting on Zoom, meeting a record, and we've evolved over the years, starting with other team members who have graduated, they've become doctors. But each one of them have a special place in my heart, and especially my co-hosts. I could not have asked for a better team
01:17:36
Speaker
to do this with from the beginning to my end, the production, our EPs over the years from Dre to Skenda to now on Dean.
01:17:53
Speaker
Jared, who's been here since the beginning, making sure we sound amazing. The people that have come through to help us on the production side in terms of like
01:18:07
Speaker
the content. Now we have Steven and Celeste. I'm just thankful for the group that has been here, for the duration that I've been here. So I love y'all. I love the SNMA. I love what it stands for, what it represents. This is, see you later. It's not a goodbye because they all have my phone number and I will still be contacting each of them.
01:18:32
Speaker
But I've really been blessed by this experience and developed a voice I didn't even know I had. So shout out to y'all for keeping it put in. And then you know what? We have a special guest host coming on in January.
01:18:51
Speaker
Y'all might want to stay tuned. Yeah. Who's a special guest? Do you know him? Do we know him? All right. Or her or her or her. You're right. You're right. Why am I up into conclusions? Depending on how they want to represent themselves too.
01:19:12
Speaker
Y'all might know them, but I do know that this will be an amazing edition.
01:19:24
Speaker
And there's no shoes to fill, right? This is an evolving dialogue until the podcast is no more. And it will be more right here on out. So signing off, not crying, just gracious for the experience and the people. The people will make me cry.
01:19:56
Speaker
I wanted to like wait for you to finish because like I wanted to just respond and say like, there really is no SMA podcast without you. You are like such a vital member. You've touched my life, you know, I'm sure you've touched everybody else's life on the podcast and
01:20:11
Speaker
even as it continues to grow and evolve, like you're, we're, we are the OG team, right? Whoever comes after us, listen, y'all got big shoes to fill, okay? And we can't teach you all of our tricks because it's not based on, it's not based on, you know, a certain formula, it's based on who we are and you can't replicate that. So
01:20:29
Speaker
no one can replicate who you are, Erica. So I know you're going to continue to shine. And any project you do is going to like be amazing just because you're. I'm so blessed to have like been with you on this journey for three years. And, you know, Aldwin is as well. I will speak for Aldwin because I know Aldwin feels the exact same way as me. So yeah.
01:20:47
Speaker
We are thankful for you, your energy, your grace, your presence, being the mama on the podcast. But also I loved, we appreciated you always playing devil's advocate and kind of being the moderate between me and Izzy. Because we had some tense moments sometimes. It's always love. It's always love.
01:21:10
Speaker
And even going back to the virtual days, it's crazy. It really, it still feels like family. It took like two years and a half for us to finally meet up at the conference. But it didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like that. Right. And also Jared is mad tall. I will leave y'all with that.
01:21:32
Speaker
not us airing out this man's, okay, we didn't say his hypo, you're right. We still kept it anonymous, you're right. He's very tall. Our sound engineer was as tall as he is, he's very tall ladies. So when you come to the next AMEC and you see a very, very tall, towering over person, you should already know who that is because Erica has informed the public. Don't cut it out, cut it out, Jared.
01:22:02
Speaker
Watch where the stage is, watch where the stage is, Ed. Let's see what he does. The ball's in your court, bro. I'm done. This is not the direction we're supposed to go. Nah, but it's going to be, I'm looking forward to listening as a listener moving forward. But all jokes aside, this has been an experience. So thank you to SNMA for letting the people who came
01:22:26
Speaker
and had this idea, let it come to fruition because it has been a blessing to my life for sure. Amen. And you're very loved on this platform. So we appreciate you, Erica, and we're so happy to see you moving on to other endeavors. And we know that you're going to continue to fly high in anything that you do. Thank you, sis. Of course. Thank you. Of course.
01:22:51
Speaker
All right, well, we out. We out. Bye, guys. Your mad love. Love ya.