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A Colloquy with Jesus in the Garden
200 Plays2 years ago
Today Gretchen Crowder shares with you the audio of a Colloquy with Jesus in the Garden that was originally shared as a video on the Central and Southern Jesuit Province website as part of a Lenten Series for the 2024 Lenten Season.
You can find the video and access the Lenten Series here: https://www.jesuitscentralsouthern.org/spirituality/lent-2024/
You can follow the Central and Southern Jesuit Province and learn more about the Society of Jesus by following @JesuitsUCS (X) or @jesuitscentralsouthern (Instagram)
Much gratitude to the UCS Province communications team for the beautiful artwork for this series!
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If you think you or someone you know has a story that would fit this podcast, please contact Gretchen Crowder at lovedasyouarepod@gmail.com
You can find Gretchen @gdcrowder on social and @lovedasyouarepod on Instagram.
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Transcript
Introduction to Loved As You Are Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, and welcome back to Loved As You Are, an Ignatian podcast.
Invitation to Converse with Jesus
00:00:04
Speaker
I wanted to hop on here and share with you the audio of a reflection that was originally shared as a video on the Central and Southern Jesuit Province website as a part of the Lenten series for a 2024 Lenten season. In this, I invite you to have a conversation with Jesus in the garden, to sit a while with him as he waits.
Embracing Belovedness
00:00:23
Speaker
I hope it is helpful to you as we reach the end of this Lenten journey together.
00:00:28
Speaker
learning to lead evermore into our belovedness.
The Power of Colloquy
00:00:58
Speaker
St. Ignatius invites retreatants to pray a colloquy. Though colloquies are presented in different ways, they are always described as a personal and spontaneous conversation between friends. It's a conversation that involves both speaking and listening. It's imaginative contemplation that allows for one's friendship with God to deepen.
Mortality and Self-Identity in Prayer
00:01:23
Speaker
As I consider the invitations this week from the gospel passage for the fifth Sunday of Lent, the invitations to get comfortable talking about our mortality and shift how we prepare for death by focusing on discovering our true selves in God, I kept coming back to the colloquy, this intimate conversation with Christ that Ignatius offers.
00:01:46
Speaker
At first I thought about conversing with Christ as he is dying on the cross, as Ignatius invites us to do in the first week of the exercises. But each time I paused to place myself in that scene, I kept finding myself at an earlier spot of the passion instead, with Jesus and his agony in the garden. So that is where we will begin in this prayer reflection for the fifth week.
00:02:11
Speaker
I invite you to enter into this period of imaginative prayer with Christ in the garden, utilizing the prompts provided to engage in an intimate conversation with the one who agonized over his death, and yet willingly took up his cross for us.
Imaginative Prayer in the Garden
00:02:28
Speaker
I begin in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. I notice the darkness first.
00:02:40
Speaker
Having only lived among the city lights, I am struck by how dark it is out here, even with a night sky lit up with discernible stars. I walk close to the apostles as we enter into the garden, feeling like I'm imposing a little on their last moments with you. As you tell the apostles to sit down while you go and pray,
00:03:08
Speaker
I notice you invite just three, Peter, James, and John, to follow you like you have done many times before. Again, I wonder if I should leave, but I also desire so much to be here in this space with you.
Introspection and Jesus' Sorrow
00:03:28
Speaker
I notice you look in my direction and I see you indicate with a slight nod of your head for me to join you as well.
00:03:39
Speaker
We walk over to a patch of ground that is surrounded on all sides by native and wild plant life. It is strangely silent where we are. I would expect to hear a bird or a wrestle of some unknown animal in the plant life or even the chatter of the other apostles as they sit and wait by the garden's entrance. But I hear
00:04:05
Speaker
No ambient noise at all. Instead, I only hear you say, my soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me. I think you are talking to Peter, James, and John. But when I look up, I see your eyes on me. I nod emphatically in response.
00:04:38
Speaker
I consider how I feel about this invitation to keep watch with you.
Faith, Suffering, and Personal Reflection
00:04:43
Speaker
Am I nervous? Am I scared? Am I determined? I share aloud with you these feelings while your eyes are still on me.
00:05:12
Speaker
I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response. Then you kneel and turn your attention to God. I hear you say,
00:05:34
Speaker
My father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. I consider how I feel about hearing you ask God for reprieve from the suffering and death you are about to experience. What do I find myself asking God for when I encounter suffering?
00:06:09
Speaker
I share aloud with you some of my own zealous prayers. I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response.
Apostles' Inattentiveness and Personal Relationship
00:06:39
Speaker
Then I hear you say to God, yet not as I will, but as you will. I consider how I feel about witnessing the unwavering faith you have in the bigger picture and in God's love for you, no matter what. I wonder, is my faith this strong?
00:07:14
Speaker
I share aloud with you any uncertainty I feel that keeps me from making a similar response of faith. I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response
00:07:46
Speaker
I see you get up and go over to Peter, James, and John who are asleep on the ground. I hear you say to Peter, so you could not keep watch with me for one hour? I consider my own reaction to the apostles falling asleep. Am I judging them for their inattentiveness?
00:08:14
Speaker
Am I as attentive to my relationship with you as I should be? I share aloud with you what I consider to be the strengths and weaknesses of our relationship.
00:08:45
Speaker
I pause to
Grappling with Mortality and Solitude
00:08:46
Speaker
listen to what you want to say to me in response. I hear you ask them once again to watch and pray with you. I hear you say to them, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
00:09:17
Speaker
I consider how I feel about engaging with you in your agony over your pending death and how it makes me feel about engaging with my own mortality. Is my own spirit willing? Is my own flesh weak?
00:09:44
Speaker
I share aloud with you how I feel about engaging with both your mortality and my own. I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response.
00:10:18
Speaker
I see you withdraw from them again and I come closer to your side as you begin to pray. Once again, I hear you ask for God to take this cup from you with such raw emotion. I also hear you affirm once again, your will be done.
00:10:44
Speaker
I consider how I feel about how short your life has been. You have only lived for 33 years, Lord. Yet you lived all of them fully, exactly as you were meant to. Am I living my life as fully as I could be? Am I living my life exactly as I was meant to?
00:11:21
Speaker
I share aloud with you any uncertainties I have about who I am and who I am invited to be.
00:11:43
Speaker
I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response. I see you once more finding your friends sleeping, but this time you say nothing and return to your prayer.
00:12:14
Speaker
I consider how lonely it must feel for you at this moment. Your friends are already fading, and you have yet to go through the worst of what is to come. I wonder if I'm more afraid of being alone than of dying. Do I ever feel alone in my suffering? Is your love for me enough to sustain me in those moments?
00:12:53
Speaker
I share aloud with you the last time I felt alone in a moment of suffering.
Betrayal and Honoring Jesus' Sacrifice
00:13:08
Speaker
I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response.
00:13:24
Speaker
The quiet at this time with you is suddenly disrupted by what sounds like a large and angry crowd of people entering the garden. I hear you say to your friends, get up, let us go. Look, my betrayer is at hand.
00:13:48
Speaker
You lock eyes with me as you wait. I consider how my heart aches at this moment. I thought I had more time with you. I want to know how to honor what you are about to do. What do I need to adjust in my life to honor your sacrifice?
00:14:16
Speaker
How can I use my life to make a return of love to you?
Concluding Colloquy and Gratitude
00:14:33
Speaker
I share aloud with you my desires.
00:14:46
Speaker
I pause to listen to what you want to say to me in response. Dear Jesus, As I end this colloquy with you, I want you to know how incredibly grateful I am
00:15:12
Speaker
that even in your agony, you still thought of me. This Lent, I have been working on leaning into my belovedness, and I think I'm getting closer every day. Grant me the graces I need to continue this important journey. And when I finally know to the core of who I am, your magnanimous love for me
00:15:42
Speaker
Help me then make a return of love, one that honors your sacrifice, one that continues your work, and one that celebrates the unique role you gave me in the larger picture of your kingdom.
Final Invitation to Embrace Belovedness
00:16:02
Speaker
Amen.
00:16:08
Speaker
Join me next week for our final reflection of this Lenten season on Leaning In to Our Belovedness.