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Preparing Our Hearts for Advent
323 Plays2 years ago
During this episode, Gretchen Crowder shares a talk she recently gave to St. Thomas Aquinas Altar Society entitled Preparing Our Hearts for Advent by Leaning into and Internalizing our Belovedness.
If you are looking for a great way to prepare for the upcoming Advent season a preparation that might just also be useful for this week's Thanksgiving celebration - check this episode out now!
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If this episode hits home and you feel you have your own story to share, email Gretchen at lovedasyouarepod@gmail.com.
Follow along and contribute to the conversation @lovedasyouarepod on Instagram.
Find more from Gretchen Crowder @gdcrowder as well as at gretchencrowder.com.
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Transcript
Introduction to Preparing for Advent
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, everyone. I thought I'd get on this week with a different kind of recording as we prepare for the holiday season that starts first with Thanksgiving and follows shortly thereafter with Advent. This is a recording of a talk I gave this past week that I wanted to upload to share with you all. If you are looking for perhaps a slightly different way to prepare your hearts for Advent and the coming of Christ this Christmas. I hope this episode finds you.
00:00:29
Speaker
if you need it today. So here we go.
00:01:04
Speaker
When I was invited to speak tonight, I was asked what the title of my talk would be. And I, perhaps a little too quickly, replied, preparing our hearts for Advent. Sounds like a good title, right? After all, when seasons such as this loom in front of us, we all want to know what's the best way to prepare. We wanna know how we can make time for Christ in the midst of a season that can easily be taken up by more secular enjoyments.
00:01:33
Speaker
a season that can easily get away from us. But then, after sitting with that title a little while, it felt like a massive undertaking with so many roads I could go down just trying to do it justice.
Unique Advent Preparation
00:01:49
Speaker
Over the years, I've been to quite a few Advent talks, promising to help me prepare my heart for Advent. Some were centered on the scriptures. We hear every Advent and their meaning in our lives.
00:02:02
Speaker
Some were centered on the themes of each week and how we could best engage those themes with our family and friends. Still others focused on how we can and should ask for forgiveness. So our hearts are truly prepared to receive the gift of Christ at Christmas. All of these are valuable and worthy ways of preparing our hearts. All valuable roads I could go down for all of you tonight.
00:02:31
Speaker
but I think God is inviting me to share with you another way of preparation. It might be one you haven't considered reflecting on during Advent before, but I think that it might just be foundational to preparing our hearts for a lot of things that may come our way during Advent and beyond. So let me share with you my subtitle for tonight's talk, The Road I Chose to Take You Down Tonight.
00:03:01
Speaker
Preparing our hearts for Advent by accepting and leaning into our belovedness. Preparing our hearts for Advent by accepting and leaning into our belovedness.
Cherished by God
00:03:18
Speaker
Before I go much further, let us begin as we do all things in prayer. This prayer is by a Jesuit named Joseph Tetlow.
00:03:29
Speaker
who writes many books on spirituality, particularly Ignatian spirituality. Let us pray in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Oh Lord, my God, you have called me from the sleep of nothingness merely because in your tremendous love, you want to make good and beautiful beings. You have called me by name in my mother's womb
00:03:57
Speaker
You have given me breath and light and movement and walked with me every moment of my existence. I am amazed, Lord God of the universe, that you attend to me and more cherish me. Create in me the faithfulness that moves you and I will trust you and yearn for you all my days. Amen.
00:04:26
Speaker
In the name of Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen. I think this line of the prayer bears repeating, I am amazed, Lord God of the universe, that you attend to me and more cherish me. Notice that Father Tetlow did not add conditions after the words cherish me. There is no cherish me only if I sin no more.
00:04:55
Speaker
Cherish me only if I love you back. Cherish me only if I dedicate my life to you. It's just cherish me, period. Only then does he add a simple request born out of the understanding of that love that cherishes. Create in me the faithfulness that moves you and I will trust you and yearn for you all of my days.
00:05:28
Speaker
Jesus Christ, who in a little more than a month will be born again in a manger, came to dwell among us not only as reputation for our sins, but also as a bold declaration of love for each and every one of us. A bold declaration of a love that has no only ifs. Jesus came to tell us to show us that in no uncertain terms, we are loved as we are,
00:05:58
Speaker
From the moment life was breathed into us, to this moment, to every moment afterward, no matter what. Yet here we are, over 2,000 years later, still working on believing it. Or at least I am. Maybe you are too.
Self-love and Worthiness
00:06:27
Speaker
Imagine the difference it would make if we truly believed we are beloved, loved as we are, no matter what. How would it change how we enter the upcoming Advent season? How would it change how we treat our most difficult family members, our most demanding of friends, our most challenging of coworkers, or even
00:06:55
Speaker
the stranger we encounter on the road. One of my favorite quotes from Thomas Merton, and if you don't know who he is, he's a fantastic spiritual writer that unfortunately died too soon, but whose works live on, a future saint, I hope. One of his quotes that I go back to again and again says, our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.
00:07:25
Speaker
I often go back to this quote and reflect on what it means with just a few words changed. Based on his writings, I think Thomas Burton would have no problem with my temporary edits, or at least I hope so. I adjust the quote to be, our job is to love ourselves without stopping to inquire whether or not we are worthy. Our job
00:07:54
Speaker
is to love ourselves without stopping to inquire whether or not we are worthy. So I am a mom of three boys who are eight, eight, and 10, and thank God still believe in Santa Claus. I tell you what, I'm holding on to that belief for dear life as long as it lasts. And there's a moment I go back to frequently when I consider my own worthiness, my own value.
00:08:23
Speaker
and my very real struggle with it that relates intimately to my role of being their mom. This moment was quite a few years ago, back when my three boys were all under the age of three. It was a particularly stressful Sunday afternoon. My husband was at work and the boys and I were muddling through the end of the weekend. I had graduate work to do, work work to do, and three boys who weren't gonna let any of that happen if they could help it.
00:08:55
Speaker
Some miscommunication had occurred between my three-year-old and me, and he was screaming bloody murder in his room in a complete and total meltdown. Meanwhile, the one-year-old twins who had just learned how to walk were joyfully trying to walk into his room and get right up in his face to see what was happening.
00:09:16
Speaker
And me? I was sitting on the floor, arms splayed out, one hand to stop the twins, one hand to try and comfort my screaming child. Neither hand was being particularly useful, really. Eventually, both of my hands dropped down into my lap and then came to rest hard on my face as my own tears began to fall.
00:09:43
Speaker
At that moment, I don't remember what words I was saying to myself exactly, but I know they weren't very loving. Truth was, it was not the first time I felt like an absolute failure as a mom, as well as everything else. I was dead certain that all the chaos surrounding me in that moment was my fault, and I was determined to give myself hell for it. Do you ever do that?
00:10:12
Speaker
Find yourself in a moment of chaos and beat yourself up over it. Blame yourself for it. Think about all the ways that you could be doing this life a little better if you just tried a little harder. Or better yet, with someone else entirely. I think this upcoming busy holiday season
00:10:35
Speaker
with its many obligations and interactions with family and friends is probably the perfect time for a moment like this to happen for each one of us, isn't it? So let's go back to that slightly adjusted quote from Thomas Merton for a minute that says, our job is to love ourselves without stopping to inquire whether or not we are worthy.
00:11:04
Speaker
I adjusted his words, remember? His original quote was, our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. I love the original quote. As a mom and as an educator, I'm all on board about trying to love others well. But in that moment, on that floor with my three boys, I realized I couldn't really love others.
00:11:31
Speaker
love them well, the way I should love them, unless I loved myself a little better.
Ignatian Spirituality and Belovedness
00:11:40
Speaker
And I couldn't love myself a little better unless I was able to truly believe that I was loved no matter what, no matter how much I screwed up, no matter how much I failed, no matter how much I needed to get up and start all over again.
00:11:58
Speaker
Unless I believed I was loved by an almost superhuman kind of love that wouldn't be subject to the failings and mistakes we humans are all subject to. That was the year some of the things I had been learning about spirituality, particularly Ignatian spirituality, started to really make sense to me.
00:12:19
Speaker
If you're not familiar with Ignatian spirituality, it's a type of spirituality within the Catholic Church that was developed by Saint Ignatius of Loyola over 500 years ago, and it continues to be refined and developed by his predecessors in the Society of Jesus, the Jesuits, and those that work alongside them, like me, ever since.
00:12:42
Speaker
Ignatian spirituality is a type of spirituality that is really universal. It tends to speak to people who are both Catholic and non-Catholic. It's a reflective spirituality. It's an in the world kind of spirituality that helps people find God in every moment, every breath, every part of their day, the good parts, the bad parts, and everything in between.
00:13:10
Speaker
It's a spirituality that invites those that practice it to ask, do I really believe that God loves me no matter what? Recently, I was interviewing a Jesuit priest for my podcast and he was relating to me a moment during his 30-day silent retreat. Jesuit priests do a 30-day silent retreat twice during their lives, once when they are starting their formation into the priesthood and once many years after they have officially become a Jesuit priest.
00:13:42
Speaker
He said that during the first week of his retreat, he was having many conversations with God, where God was telling him over and over again, I love you. After a while, he became a little frustrated with the repetition and said, okay, okay, I get it, you love me, but can we move on already? He went on to say that he had a very tangible moment right after asking that question, where he heard,
00:14:11
Speaker
in the way you sometimes hear God say, we can move on when you really get it. We can move on when you really get it. So do we get it? Do we really believe, understand, and feel deep inside that God loves us as we are?
00:14:41
Speaker
Do we feel worthy of a love like that? A love that led God to come close in the form of a baby and a manger, born just for me, just for you, just for all of us and each of us in turn. No matter what stage of life we find ourselves in or what roles we hold right now, to truly be the best us
00:15:10
Speaker
that we can be for others. I think it's our belovedness that needs the most attention. At this point in the talk, you might be thinking to yourself, well, all of this is lovely, Gretchen, but I have a few questions. First, how do we concretely work on getting it, on understanding and internalizing this belovedness? And second, how will that actually affect our Christmas, our Advent,
00:15:39
Speaker
perhaps even the rest of our lives. Well, let me start with question one. How do we concretely work on getting it? I think that work looks different for each person, depending how far you are along in this understanding of your belovedness. But I can at least tell you how I have been working on trying to understand and internalize God's love for me over the last few years.
00:16:07
Speaker
First, I've worked on it through prayer. St. Ignatius taught that God wants us to be honest in our prayer. God wants us to write up front, write up at the beginning of our prayer, ask for what we want. He didn't really want us to get hung up on whether or not God would give us exactly what we want, exactly how we wanted it. That kind of thinking prevents us from being honest about what we truly desire.
00:16:38
Speaker
Instead, he just said, ask for it. So I try to practice this in my own prayer. Ignatius calls it asking for a grace.
Embracing God's Constant Love
00:16:50
Speaker
So for example, today, if I found myself on that same ground, surrounded by the chaos of little children, admonishing myself for all I had done wrong, I might take a beat and pray.
00:17:06
Speaker
Lord, I've been told you love me no matter what, but I'm struggling a bit to feel that love right now. Grant me the grace to feel this magnanimous love you have for me. Grant me the grace to feel you cherishing me, so I may get up from this ground and continue my work towards becoming the person you created me to be.
00:17:35
Speaker
Another way of prayer Ignatius taught was the examine. The examine is a daily reflection on God's presence in our lives. In fact, Ignatius so valued the examine that he taught his men if they had no time for anything else prayerful, that they should at least pray the examine twice daily, once at midday and once in the evening.
00:17:59
Speaker
So what are some reflection questions I ask when I'm praying the examine to help me internalize my belovedness? I reflect on where I felt God coming close during my day. I look for moments when I experience God loving me, either directly or indirectly through the people surrounding me.
00:18:21
Speaker
I spend time recalling those moments in detail and responding to God in gratitude for showing up just for me. I reflect on where I felt God was distant too. I reflect on how often this distance resulted in me chastising myself or questioning God's love for me.
00:18:46
Speaker
I ask God to reveal God's self to me in these moments and show me what I was unable to see at the time. I reflect on how I've seen God love others well. I recall these moments and note how God's love knows no bounds for them. Then I ask God, help me see how this love you have shown them extends to me as well.
00:19:19
Speaker
So that's the prayer part. But there are other ways as well to work on getting it. I prayed and I did my research. The first time this message came to my attention was when I was tasked to teach a course on sin and grace to adults in a church setting much like this. I spent weeks researching all about the topic to settle on the idea that sin never prevents grace from doing its work.
00:19:49
Speaker
that the amount of love God has for us does not depend on how little or how much we sin. It is constant. Since then, I've continued to read and reflect with theologians and writers who talk about this message of magnanimous love. Like Henry Nowan, who after spending much time and reflection on the gospel passage of the prodigal son wrote,
00:20:15
Speaker
For most of my life, I have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. I have tried hard to follow the guidelines of the spiritual life, pray always, work for others, read the scriptures, and to avoid the many temptations to dissipate myself. I have failed many times, but always tried again, even when I was close to despair.
00:20:41
Speaker
Now I wonder whether I have sufficiently realized that during all this time, God has been trying to find me, to know me, to love me. The question is not how am I trying to find God, but how am I to let myself be found by God? The question is not how am I to know God, but how am I to let myself be known by God?
00:21:11
Speaker
And finally, the question is not, how am I to love God? But how am I to let myself be loved by God? God is looking into the distance for me, trying to find me and longing to bring me home. Or Thomas Merton, who said after having a profound moment of realizing God's love on a busy street corner wrote,
Recognizing Inherent Light and Love
00:21:39
Speaker
In Louisville, at the corner of 4th and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all these people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world.
00:22:08
Speaker
If only everybody could realize this, but it cannot be explained. There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun. Or Greg Boyle, a Jesuit priest who after years of working intimately with former gang members on the streets of LA wrote, Jesus says, you are the light of the world.
00:22:38
Speaker
I like even more what Jesus doesn't say. He does not say, one day, if you're more perfect and try really hard, you'll be light. He doesn't say, if you play by the rules, cross your T's and dot your I's, then maybe you'll become light. No, he says straight out, you are light. It is the truth of who you are waiting only for you to discover it.
00:23:06
Speaker
So for God's sake, don't move. No need to contort yourself to be anything other than who you are. Or Richard Rohr, who has spent years working on the craft of prayerful contemplation, who wrote, most of us were taught that God would love us if and when we change. In fact, God loves you so that you can change.
00:23:35
Speaker
What empowers change, what makes you desirous of change, is the experience of love. It is that inherent experience of love that becomes the engine of change. Or St. Therese of LeSue who wrote, it is confidence and nothing but confidence that must lead us to love.
00:23:59
Speaker
Pope Francis recently wrote an exhortation on being confident in the love of the merciful God, inspired by St. Therese. He wrote, Therese possessed complete certainty that Jesus loved her and knew her personally at the time of his passion. He loved me and gave himself for me. As she contemplated Jesus and his agony, she told him, you saw me.
00:24:29
Speaker
In the same way she said to the child Jesus in the arms of his mother, with your little hand that caressed Mary, you upheld the world and gave it life. And you thought of me. So too at the beginning of the story of a soul, she contemplated the love of Jesus for all humanity and for each individual, as if he or she were the only one in the world.
00:25:01
Speaker
So I prayed, I did my research, and I had and continue to have conversations about it.
Exploring Journeys of Understanding Love
00:25:09
Speaker
Back in April, I started a podcast called Loved As You Are, an Ignatian podcast. I've interviewed over 15 people asking them about who God is to them, how they've come to understand their belovedness, and what the challenges have been for them in doing so. Their stories continue to inform my story.
00:25:31
Speaker
I have found that being open to engaging with the stories of others has made my own story more complete over time. There are many ways to engage in conversations like this, including coming to talks like this one, engaging in book clubs or retreats, or simply being open to conversations about faith that might arise this holiday season at times you might not have expected. Finally,
00:26:01
Speaker
I paid attention to how I love others. Recognizing how I love my sons has been a really key way that I have worked on internalizing my own belovedness. Despite all the times they enjoyed me insanely crazy. I love them as they are, no matter what.
00:26:24
Speaker
I have since the moment they were born, and that love increases as I get to know them as their unique selves. Recognizing that love and reflecting on that love has shown me it's possible. It's even probable that if I as a human being can feel that kind of love for them, God can feel that kind of love for me. 10 times, 100 times.
00:26:53
Speaker
a million times more. So now, question number two. How Gretchen will all this affect our Advent, our Christmas, and perhaps even the rest of our lives? Imagine if we spent the next four weeks of Advent working on internalizing this idea of being loved as we are, no matter what.
00:27:21
Speaker
What would it feel like then to enter the Christmas season with a strong foundation of our belovedness? How would that change how we show up for ourselves and others? Would we be bolder, more courageous even? Would we be kinder, more compassionate to even those who are the most difficult to be around? Would we love better?
00:27:49
Speaker
Poet Rainier Maria Rilke once wrote in letters to a young poet, believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.
Transformative Power of Belovedness
00:28:12
Speaker
Believe in a love that we cannot escape.
00:28:17
Speaker
A love that was born for each and every one of us in a humble manger over 2000 years ago. Live into what Saint Therese described so eloquently as she imagined the infant Jesus. With your hand that caressed Mary, you upheld the world and gave it life. And you thought of me.
00:28:45
Speaker
How could that not change everything? So what do you think? Should we try it? Should we walk out into the world tonight trying on this new sense of confidence that no matter where we tread, we will never stop being held up by God's magnanimous love?
00:29:07
Speaker
Should we spend the next month praying about it, doing our research, and seeing how many have already written about their real experiences of this love?
Invitation to Engage
00:29:17
Speaker
Have vulnerable conversations with one another about our journey and note how the love we feel for others might just be the proof we need of God's love for us. And once we have internalized that love,
00:29:34
Speaker
Once we've really gotten it, as Christ asked the Jesuit and his retreat experience to try and do, will we let it embolden us to do great and marvelous things? I think there's only one answer to these questions. If we are bold enough to speak it. Yes. Thank you.
00:30:35
Speaker
I hope you enjoyed this talk on preparing our hearts for Advent. If you like this episode, leave a review. It helps others find the podcast. And if you think you or someone you know would be interested in being a guest on this podcast, please reach out to me at lovedizuarpod at gmail.com or at lovedizuarpod on Instagram. Links to all are in the show notes. I'll be back with another guest very soon. But in the meantime,
00:31:05
Speaker
Continue to be who you are because that is exactly who God wants you to be.