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Five Nights at Freddy’s: The Movie: The Review!
10 Plays1 year ago
That's right, we made use of our Peacock subscription and watched the FNAF movie. Safe to say, we did not enjoy it that much. But listen forth dear reader to find out whyyyyyy?
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Transcript
Scott Cawthon's Easter Eggs and Fan Interpretations
00:00:00
Speaker
I think he's smart enough.
00:00:02
Speaker
I think he's smart enough that he, like, put in some little Easter egg things into the first game.
00:00:08
Speaker
People read the shit out of him, like, really dug way too deep, and he was smart enough to go, uh, yeah.
00:00:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:19
Speaker
Or to be coy and go, maybe that's what I meant.
00:00:22
Speaker
Like, no, it's just...
00:00:24
Speaker
Maybe.
00:00:26
Speaker
I think that's what it is.
00:00:27
Speaker
I think he's a smart enough guy to.
00:00:30
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:00:31
Speaker
To know that he could he could get away with it and just take the credit if he was quiet enough.
00:00:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:38
Speaker
As much as you can possibly get.
00:00:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:42
Speaker
That's
Five Nights at Freddy's Film Discussion
00:00:43
Speaker
my impression of Scott Cawthon.
00:00:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:49
Speaker
You know what else is my impression of Scott Cawthon?
00:00:52
Speaker
What's that?
00:00:54
Speaker
Hey there, everybody.
00:00:55
Speaker
Welcome to Pixel It.
00:00:57
Speaker
My name is Kevin.
00:00:58
Speaker
With me, as always, is Phil.
00:00:59
Speaker
Today, we're talking about a movie.
00:01:03
Speaker
That's right.
00:01:03
Speaker
We're talking about Five Nights at Freddy's, the film.
00:01:09
Speaker
The film.
00:01:10
Speaker
The film.
00:01:11
Speaker
It was directed by Emma Tammy.
00:01:14
Speaker
Screenplay by Scott Cawthon, Seth Cuddeback, and Emma Tammy.
00:01:22
Speaker
It's a Blumhouse movie.
00:01:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:26
Speaker
Which, you know, you're going to be your mileage may vary.
00:01:30
Speaker
That's really the name of the game for them, isn't it?
00:01:32
Speaker
It's just.
00:01:37
Speaker
I can remember a time when I saw Blumhouse on the in the in the opening credits and everything.
00:01:44
Speaker
I don't want.
00:01:45
Speaker
Oh, OK.
00:01:45
Speaker
And.
00:01:46
Speaker
All right.
00:01:49
Speaker
Dude, this woman directed The Wind.
00:01:53
Speaker
Did you see The Wind?
00:01:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:55
Speaker
Oh, the wind was, I didn't, wasn't the wind terrifying?
00:01:59
Speaker
Yes, it was not half bad.
00:02:03
Speaker
So, you know what's funny about the wind is that Erdorf was hired to make a video game tie-in to it.
00:02:11
Speaker
You were saying Emma Tammy directed the wind.
00:02:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:14
Speaker
And Erdorf did a video game based on the wind.
00:02:19
Speaker
Right, yeah.
00:02:20
Speaker
It's just like a little bit of a similar kind of style, right?
00:02:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:24
Speaker
Yeah, similar to Faith.
00:02:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:28
Speaker
Which is, you know, interesting.
00:02:33
Speaker
I saw someone do a Let's Play of it, I think at one point.
00:02:39
Speaker
It's fascinating that just so weird.
00:02:44
Speaker
Anyway, we're completely off track.
00:02:48
Speaker
Already, just because there's something more interesting to talk about other than this movie.
00:02:53
Speaker
The point is, is this movie, it was directed by a horror director who actually made something.
00:03:01
Speaker
It was her feature debut in 2018, The Wind, which is actually pretty competent.
00:03:06
Speaker
It's not perfect.
00:03:07
Speaker
It's not the greatest horror film I've ever seen, but it's actually pretty cool.
00:03:13
Speaker
I remember it being...
00:03:15
Speaker
uh, very effective.
00:03:17
Speaker
You know, if you're going to do a horror movie out on the planes, uh, more power to you.
00:03:21
Speaker
Absolutely.
Film Cast and Crew Highlights
00:03:22
Speaker
About, you know, that's, that's, I'm, I'm for it.
00:03:26
Speaker
Um, so yeah, the five nights at Freddy's it's starring Josh Hutcherson.
00:03:33
Speaker
Who is that?
00:03:34
Speaker
You might ask it's PETA.
00:03:36
Speaker
From the Hunger Games movies.
00:03:38
Speaker
In one of his most miscast roles ever.
00:03:41
Speaker
Ever.
00:03:42
Speaker
Ever.
00:03:43
Speaker
We got Elizabeth Lael.
00:03:45
Speaker
You'd be like, who is she?
00:03:46
Speaker
And be like, have you seen you?
00:03:49
Speaker
She's the first season.
00:03:50
Speaker
She's the first victim, basically, in you.
00:03:56
Speaker
And you got Mary Stewart Masterson, who I guess is doing it for the paycheck.
00:04:03
Speaker
She must be.
00:04:04
Speaker
Just...
00:04:05
Speaker
Just playing Ant Evil.
00:04:08
Speaker
Ant Evil.
00:04:11
Speaker
And probably the person acting circles around everybody in this movie, Matthew Lillard.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yes!
00:04:18
Speaker
Yes!
00:04:19
Speaker
Who I'm always happy to see.
00:04:21
Speaker
Always happy to see.
00:04:22
Speaker
I'm always happy to see
00:04:24
Speaker
Matt Lillard in something.
00:04:26
Speaker
One of our geek brethren in arms.
00:04:29
Speaker
I love that man.
00:04:31
Speaker
His whole career, it feels like lately, has just been making geeky shit, and I'm proud of him for it.
00:04:36
Speaker
It's great.
00:04:37
Speaker
He's like, oh, it's Matt Lillard.
00:04:38
Speaker
And you're like, yeah, that's great.
00:04:42
Speaker
He was... God, he's been doing things forever, hasn't he?
00:04:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:48
Speaker
He has just been...
00:04:50
Speaker
He's just been around doing stuff.
00:04:54
Speaker
He's been the voice.
00:04:55
Speaker
He's been working on his own edition of like House on Haunted Hill.
Matthew Lillard's Role in Geek Culture
00:04:59
Speaker
Not House on Haunted Hill.
00:05:00
Speaker
What's the game?
00:05:00
Speaker
The like paranoid haunted people game.
00:05:06
Speaker
It's an Avalon Hill game, I think.
00:05:08
Speaker
Oh, I don't know.
00:05:09
Speaker
Hold on.
00:05:11
Speaker
He's working on a board game betrayal at house on Hill at the house on the Hill.
00:05:16
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:17
Speaker
He did.
00:05:18
Speaker
He's doing something with like an addition of that.
00:05:20
Speaker
Like, I think actually helping design it or something like that.
00:05:23
Speaker
It's, it's all over Avalon Hills Instagram lately.
00:05:27
Speaker
And it's like, cool.
00:05:28
Speaker
Like that's really neat.
00:05:31
Speaker
So you know what's really interesting about, and this is obviously well-known by Scott Niswander, who is a friend of the pod, host of It's Probably Not Aliens, and Scubafile.
00:05:46
Speaker
Matt Lillard has been the voice of Shaggy in Scooby-Doo cartoons, and
00:05:55
Speaker
pretty much since he played the live action version of Shaggy.
00:05:58
Speaker
I didn't know that.
00:05:59
Speaker
That's fun.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:02
Speaker
Starting in 2010, which I imagine, I guess, what's his name?
00:06:09
Speaker
Had to retire first.
00:06:11
Speaker
Casey Kaysen.
00:06:13
Speaker
Casey Kaysen.
00:06:14
Speaker
I think he died.
00:06:16
Speaker
He retired by, I mean, by dying.
00:06:18
Speaker
The big retirement.
00:06:19
Speaker
The big retirement.
00:06:21
Speaker
He went to the big retirement in the sky.
00:06:24
Speaker
And he went up to there and he was like, on with the countdown.
00:06:28
Speaker
Um...
00:06:33
Speaker
Casey Kasem's voice is 90%.
00:06:35
Speaker
It's in my head because of Ghostbusters.
00:06:38
Speaker
Sure.
00:06:39
Speaker
Because in the middle, middle, uh, montage of Ghostbusters, you have Casey Kasem narrating, uh, the, uh, about like, and then they, they, they busted some spooks down at the club and then they danced the night away.
00:06:55
Speaker
That's right.
00:06:56
Speaker
That's right.
00:06:58
Speaker
Oh, that's absolutely.
00:06:59
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:04
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:07:05
Speaker
Love it.
00:07:06
Speaker
It's a real testament to the staying path, like the power of New York City media.
00:07:10
Speaker
Oh, absolutely.
00:07:11
Speaker
Casey Kasem.
00:07:13
Speaker
is like so well known.
00:07:15
Speaker
Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:07:17
Speaker
But anyway, that's diversion number two.
00:07:22
Speaker
Two.
00:07:23
Speaker
Two.
00:07:23
Speaker
Not even close to the last one.
00:07:26
Speaker
That's just us reading who's in the movie.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah, it's true.
00:07:31
Speaker
Um, it's movies made a lot of money for its budget.
00:07:36
Speaker
Of course it did.
00:07:37
Speaker
Of course it did.
00:07:38
Speaker
The animatronics, which is the best thing I'll say about the movie.
00:07:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:07:43
Speaker
We're made by, um, uh, Jim Henson's workshop.
00:07:47
Speaker
Of course.
00:07:48
Speaker
Um, it's not CGI.
00:07:49
Speaker
They're actual, actual real puppets.
00:07:51
Speaker
They're very impressive.
00:07:53
Speaker
They are very impressive.
00:07:54
Speaker
Very impressive.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah.
Film Opening and Tone Critique
00:07:56
Speaker
So, um,
00:07:58
Speaker
Okay, this movie, we start out with a, just a little scare sequence.
00:08:04
Speaker
There's like a security guard at Freddy's and he's running around and he's like, and he's captured and then he's basically put into a saw trap.
00:08:16
Speaker
Yeah, like the movie saw.
00:08:18
Speaker
The FNAF version of a saw trap.
00:08:19
Speaker
The FNAF version of a saw trap.
00:08:21
Speaker
Like basically, he's like, I'd like you to play a game.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:08:29
Speaker
There's the calliope music playing in the background.
00:08:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's security guard number one.
00:08:36
Speaker
Watch the trailer.
00:08:37
Speaker
It's in the trailer.
00:08:37
Speaker
It's in the trailer.
00:08:41
Speaker
So we get we cut to our main character, Peta, and he's we get a little like back and forth between him and a friend of his.
00:08:53
Speaker
Is that friend of his going to appear ever again?
00:08:55
Speaker
No, don't worry about it.
00:08:56
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:08:57
Speaker
Absolutely not.
00:08:58
Speaker
We're not making friends here.
00:08:59
Speaker
Just move on.
00:09:00
Speaker
A book he's reading about dreams and how they could be real or something real.
00:09:07
Speaker
Like you never forget anything.
00:09:09
Speaker
You just have to try to remember it.
00:09:10
Speaker
Yep.
00:09:12
Speaker
And then he beats the shit out of a dad.
00:09:18
Speaker
Yes, he does.
00:09:22
Speaker
He thinks is he thinks is a stranger danger situation, which, you know, not great.
00:09:30
Speaker
Gets fired.
00:09:31
Speaker
He has no evidence of this.
00:09:32
Speaker
He just no evidence of this.
00:09:34
Speaker
He just sees a little kid.
00:09:35
Speaker
Looking for somebody.
00:09:37
Speaker
And then this older man walks him away and the kid seems stressed out by this fact.
00:09:41
Speaker
And anybody who's ever been in a room with children for longer than five minutes know that even I don't care if it's a blood relative, your kid's going to look uncomfortable as shit with you half the time.
00:09:51
Speaker
That's that's not enough.
00:09:53
Speaker
He basically drowns him in a in the in the mall fountain.
00:10:02
Speaker
Yeah, he does.
00:10:04
Speaker
He beats the shit out of him, drowns him in the mall fountain, nearly gets pulled off of him.
00:10:09
Speaker
He's now talking to a career counselor, which you know this is set in the 90s because that was like a trope that died hard in the year 2000.
00:10:18
Speaker
You don't have...
00:10:21
Speaker
career account.
00:10:22
Speaker
You don't have that person.
00:10:23
Speaker
It's just not really a thing.
00:10:24
Speaker
It's not a thing.
00:10:25
Speaker
You don't, you don't have with the internet and all that stuff.
00:10:29
Speaker
You don't need this guy who is just like, Hey, I found you.
00:10:35
Speaker
Here's some jobs you can apply for.
00:10:36
Speaker
Right, right.
00:10:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's just not a thing that, you know, it's it's it was just an extension of the guidance counselor that you needed to put in all your high school movies.
00:10:47
Speaker
And that was like the yeah.
00:10:48
Speaker
And that was like the career path for guidance counselors back in the day.
00:10:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:52
Speaker
Got then you got promoted to career counselor and your job is even sadder.
00:10:57
Speaker
Right.
00:10:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:59
Speaker
And this is Matthew Lillard.
00:11:02
Speaker
And he's terrific.
00:11:03
Speaker
Matthew Lillard.
00:11:04
Speaker
And he's terrific in this scene.
00:11:06
Speaker
You know, he's amazing.
00:11:08
Speaker
He's kind of twitchy, you know.
00:11:10
Speaker
Twitchy.
00:11:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:11
Speaker
Doing his best, like, I'm not Matthew Lillard voice.
00:11:17
Speaker
It's true.
00:11:20
Speaker
I was like, I was looking at him and I was like, when did, when did Matthew Lillard get old?
00:11:27
Speaker
And then I realized, you know, like, well, we all got old.
00:11:29
Speaker
We all got old.
00:11:31
Speaker
Matthew Lillard looks fine for 53.
00:11:33
Speaker
He looks terrific.
00:11:35
Speaker
He stood great.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:38
Speaker
He was always a weird bug-eyed looking dude.
00:11:41
Speaker
And now he's just an old weird bug-eyed looking dude.
00:11:44
Speaker
He looks fine.
00:11:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:46
Speaker
But I'm with you.
00:11:47
Speaker
I thought the same words.
00:11:48
Speaker
That's mind-blowing.
00:11:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:52
Speaker
It's a real bummer, man.
00:11:54
Speaker
We love you.
00:11:54
Speaker
We love you, Lillard.
00:11:56
Speaker
Come be on our show.
00:12:00
Speaker
Yeah, he's like, well, you got this one job, and it's the only line that made me laugh in the entire movie, and it's because of Matthew Lillard's delivery.
00:12:13
Speaker
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:15
Speaker
Well, the pay is bad, but the hours are worse.
00:12:18
Speaker
Yeah, it's a great delivery.
00:12:21
Speaker
It really is.
00:12:26
Speaker
It really is.
00:12:26
Speaker
He just nails the timing on that delivery.
00:12:29
Speaker
And I was, I was, I was cracking up.
00:12:34
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:12:35
Speaker
He's great.
00:12:35
Speaker
He's I'm always happy to see him.
00:12:37
Speaker
And he was, yeah, he's terrific at this part.
00:12:39
Speaker
He is terrific.
00:12:41
Speaker
Um,
00:12:42
Speaker
So, yeah, I basically what happens next is like social services is going to take his sister away because their aunt wants the wants the kid.
00:12:57
Speaker
And what kind of that big fat government cheese?
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lot of like you can tell Scott Cawthon was involved in.
00:13:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:06
Speaker
In this, because there's some like vaguely like old school right wing, like panic stuff.
00:13:14
Speaker
Like, first of all, first of all, like the like kids being kidnapped like that, which is like, sure, it happens.
00:13:24
Speaker
But I if you if you.
00:13:27
Speaker
Don't come at me.
00:13:28
Speaker
Go listen to, if you're listening to this episode and you're like, wait a minute, Kevin, kidnappings happen all the time.
00:13:34
Speaker
Please go listen to the You're Wrong About episodes on this.
00:13:41
Speaker
I believe it was, was it still when Michael Hobbs was still on the show?
00:13:47
Speaker
I can't remember.
00:13:47
Speaker
It probably was.
00:13:49
Speaker
But go listen to these.
00:13:51
Speaker
It doesn't happen like this, the way you're thinking of it.
00:13:55
Speaker
It's a panic of its time.
00:13:57
Speaker
It has happened before.
00:13:59
Speaker
Don't get me wrong, and I'm not denying that it's happened.
00:14:01
Speaker
Of course.
00:14:02
Speaker
But the way the panic kind of...
00:14:06
Speaker
has like catches wildfire.
00:14:08
Speaker
It's, it's mostly a right wing, uh, a push of like, this is happening everywhere.
00:14:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:15
Speaker
There's a half million kids being abducted a year, a year.
00:14:18
Speaker
And we're like, well, no, there's a lot of kids that get reported missing because of custody agreements.
00:14:24
Speaker
Right.
00:14:24
Speaker
Like, like a parent has them.
00:14:28
Speaker
It's not a shadowy cabal.
00:14:29
Speaker
It's not a shadowy cabal.
00:14:31
Speaker
And then you've got the the aunt who Peter kind of offhandedly throws out the idea of like, well, she just wants the paycheck she'll get for taking care of, which is not a paycheck worth having, by the way.
00:14:46
Speaker
It's just not a strong enough motive.
00:14:48
Speaker
It just sounds like the idea was written by someone who uses the term welfare queen a lot.
00:14:52
Speaker
Right.
00:14:53
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:53
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:54
Speaker
It's you're not making you're not making like bank because you get to take care of, by the way, your own dead sister's kid.
00:15:02
Speaker
It's her actual niece.
00:15:04
Speaker
So I don't think you even get I'm not sure there is a lot of assistance for that.
00:15:08
Speaker
I think it's just like, no, this is your blood.
00:15:10
Speaker
You're going to take care of her now.
00:15:11
Speaker
Right.
00:15:12
Speaker
Exactly.
00:15:12
Speaker
But she wants a sweet government cheese.
00:15:15
Speaker
And that's kind of like.
00:15:16
Speaker
It's like a, it's like a, I don't know.
00:15:20
Speaker
I just, I just worry about the, it's like the welfare, like, you know, the, the Reagan, like welfare queen scamming type bullshit.
00:15:30
Speaker
It's not, it's not crazy heavy, but it's absolutely there.
00:15:35
Speaker
It's absolutely there.
00:15:36
Speaker
It's there.
00:15:37
Speaker
And yeah, I'm not, I,
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:43
Speaker
So anyway, that's just continuing on.
00:15:47
Speaker
Oh, and by the way, this little girl, this little girl, we're real concerned about her.
00:15:53
Speaker
She's got a school shrink, basically, who's super concerned about her because she draws a lot and has imaginary friends that she talks to.
00:16:04
Speaker
Right.
00:16:05
Speaker
Which...
00:16:07
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that sounds like no child ever.
00:16:11
Speaker
Sounds like no child I've ever seen before.
00:16:15
Speaker
None.
00:16:19
Speaker
It's just a really weak start to the explanation and the exposition for everything we're going to have to deal with in this film.
00:16:28
Speaker
It's such a heavy-handed setup just to get a guy a fucking security job.
00:16:34
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely.
00:16:35
Speaker
At a place with killer animatronics.
00:16:37
Speaker
Yes.
00:16:38
Speaker
It's so... And this is a problem with the whole film.
00:16:42
Speaker
The whole film, it's so overly complicated.
00:16:48
Speaker
It does not need to be as... And yet, and yet, still is boring and makes no sense.
00:16:55
Speaker
It just... Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
So...
00:16:58
Speaker
Yeah, this is just the beginning of it.
00:17:00
Speaker
Apparently on the Wikipedia page, Chris Columbus was originally going to direct it.
00:17:05
Speaker
Chris Columbus?
00:17:06
Speaker
Okay.
00:17:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:07
Speaker
Okay.
00:17:07
Speaker
I don't think it would have been any better.
00:17:09
Speaker
No.
00:17:10
Speaker
No.
00:17:11
Speaker
I mean... Yeah.
00:17:14
Speaker
I mean... Yeah.
00:17:15
Speaker
No.
00:17:17
Speaker
Okay, so he wrote, so Chris Columbus, just for backstory, just for backstory, started his career as a writer, okay?
00:17:24
Speaker
Diversion number three.
00:17:26
Speaker
Diversion number three.
00:17:30
Speaker
What are his writing credits?
00:17:31
Speaker
Gremlins, The Goonies.
00:17:35
Speaker
And then he gets into directing and he directs Home Alone, right?
00:17:39
Speaker
Yes.
00:17:40
Speaker
So, which is...
00:17:42
Speaker
He directs Home Alone.
00:17:44
Speaker
What's his name?
00:17:45
Speaker
Doesn't direct Home Alone.
00:17:47
Speaker
Most people confuse it with that it was directed by... Who's that Chicago...
00:17:55
Speaker
John Hughes.
00:17:56
Speaker
John Hughes.
00:17:57
Speaker
John Hughes wrote it.
00:17:58
Speaker
He didn't direct it.
00:17:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:59
Speaker
And then Chris Columbus, a nice string of hits, you know, Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Mrs. Doubtfire.
00:18:06
Speaker
A lot of family hits, you know, like Harry Potter.
00:18:09
Speaker
He did the first two Harry Potters.
00:18:10
Speaker
First two Harry Potters.
00:18:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:13
Speaker
And then, you know, kind of falls off a little bit.
00:18:17
Speaker
Right.
00:18:18
Speaker
Who cares?
00:18:19
Speaker
At that point, he's got more money than God.
00:18:22
Speaker
Yeah, so I don't know.
00:18:24
Speaker
Maybe it would have been fine if he had a say in the script because he did write Gremlins, and I would have to... That's kind of like the tone, I think, that this movie needed.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah,
Film Complexity and Plot Issues
00:18:37
Speaker
I think it just needed – it needed to go further into that dark – that black comedy kind of thing.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yes.
00:18:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:46
Speaker
Because it goes into some grim places.
00:18:49
Speaker
It's not that it's afraid to go in – but it doesn't –
00:18:53
Speaker
It doesn't go far enough.
00:18:55
Speaker
You know, they're trying to do too much, which is a real which is always an issue when you're making a movie out of such a big franchise.
00:19:02
Speaker
You know, it is.
00:19:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:05
Speaker
So continuing the plot run through Mike, who takes sleeping pills to to like lucid dream or something like that.
00:19:15
Speaker
He has a dream about his brother's kidnapping.
00:19:17
Speaker
And then he sees some children who were, they weren't there during the kidnapping, but they've just invaded his dreams.
00:19:27
Speaker
And they run away when he approaches them.
00:19:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:33
Speaker
It's weird.
00:19:34
Speaker
All right.
00:19:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:34
Speaker
So nothing really happens on that first night.
00:19:38
Speaker
I don't think anything's... I'm double checking my notes.
00:19:42
Speaker
Oh, he does see Balloon Boy.
00:19:43
Speaker
Yeah, he sees he's gonna get a little weak Balloon Boy jump scare.
00:19:48
Speaker
A little weak Balloon Boy jump scare and that's it.
00:19:51
Speaker
And by the way...
00:19:52
Speaker
For a movie that is based on a franchise that's bread and butter is based entirely around jump scares, there were so few jump scares and they were not good.
00:20:02
Speaker
They were really shitty jump scares.
00:20:04
Speaker
It was really, really mediocre stuff.
00:20:07
Speaker
Really weak sauce, guys.
00:20:09
Speaker
Come on.
00:20:09
Speaker
You can do better.
00:20:11
Speaker
Seeing a tiny balloon boy sitting in a locker, not going to do it for me.
00:20:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:19
Speaker
So there's this scene where Aunt Evil is talking to Max, who is the girl who babysits Mike's sister while he's at work and her brother.
00:20:41
Speaker
And they're at a diner and they're figuring out a plan to get rid of Mike and get that government money.
00:20:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's sick, sick.
00:20:57
Speaker
And she's offering them a lot of money.
00:20:59
Speaker
Right.
00:21:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:04
Speaker
I got to look this up.
00:21:05
Speaker
How much money is what did they ever like specify how much money she was they were getting?
00:21:14
Speaker
No, but I did do some some searching.
00:21:18
Speaker
You have research.
00:21:19
Speaker
I have done some research and it's all very circumstantial.
00:21:23
Speaker
It depends on a lot of things.
00:21:24
Speaker
But like the most you get for this kind of thing, the most is like a thousand dollars a month.
00:21:32
Speaker
Like, it's not money that's, like, is worth getting into the criminal element, ruining people's lives, destroying families, tearing them apart so you can get that cool $12,000 a year.
00:21:48
Speaker
And here's the thing, and I told my wife this because, bless her heart, she watched this with me.
00:21:54
Speaker
I would actually kind of buy that argument if Aunt Evil was, like...
00:22:01
Speaker
some white trash redneck lady living in a fucking trailer park or something like that.
00:22:05
Speaker
Cause yeah, that, that, that's money.
00:22:07
Speaker
That's worth it to them at that point.
00:22:09
Speaker
I know those people I'm related to those people.
00:22:11
Speaker
Uh, like that I would, that I would buy, but eight evils this like, I am from those people.
00:22:18
Speaker
I am from that blood.
00:22:19
Speaker
And, and I, so I've seen it happen, but she's like this upper middle class wasp.
00:22:25
Speaker
Uh, it's, it's,
00:22:28
Speaker
wouldn't be worth the joy on retainer who, by the way, that lawyer's second best actor in this movie, second best actor, second best character.
00:22:36
Speaker
Love that guy.
00:22:39
Speaker
Loved him.
00:22:39
Speaker
He was in two whole scenes and it was, it was one of the greatest shames that they never brought him back.
00:22:47
Speaker
He was just wonderful.
00:22:49
Speaker
Just wonderful.
00:22:51
Speaker
He's just this, this pudgy schlubby kind of dude who,
00:22:55
Speaker
In a ill-fitting suit, holding his suitcase like a child holds his lunchbox, and staring wide-eyed straight into the empty void, like just staring off into the middle distance, and occasionally snapping back to his senses when Aunt Evil says, hey, hey, and he's hilarious.
00:23:16
Speaker
He's so good.
00:23:17
Speaker
Why was he in this for?
00:23:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:18
Speaker
He has the expression on his face the way, what's his name, Lips Manless from Dick Tracy looked all the time.
00:23:28
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker
Just like, big boy, what are you doing, big boy?
00:23:40
Speaker
He's fantastic.
00:23:41
Speaker
He's hilarious.
00:23:43
Speaker
That dude is great.
00:23:44
Speaker
That guy, that guy, somewhat, I hope that actor, because he's not...
00:23:51
Speaker
I don't recognize he's not anybody really.
00:23:53
Speaker
He's not a, he's not a, like I saw him at something else.
00:23:57
Speaker
Really?
00:23:57
Speaker
Like I've never seen him before, but I hope this guy gets more work after that.
00:24:01
Speaker
Cause that's the kind of little standout thing that like your fucking agent can like help sell you on, you know?
00:24:07
Speaker
Yeah, I am.
00:24:08
Speaker
I am.
00:24:09
Speaker
I'm looking, I am looking him up.
00:24:12
Speaker
Um, I, uh, Michael P Sullivan as Doug, uh,
00:24:18
Speaker
And let's see.
00:24:20
Speaker
Oh, I knew I saw him in something else recently because I just watched Renfield last night.
00:24:25
Speaker
OK, yeah, I watched that.
00:24:27
Speaker
Who was he in that?
00:24:29
Speaker
He's in the he's one of the support group guys.
00:24:33
Speaker
Oh, OK, OK, OK.
00:24:34
Speaker
Yeah, he's just in the credits listed as weird Kevin.
00:24:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:42
Speaker
Man, he's in Twisted Metal.
00:24:44
Speaker
Oh, okay.
00:24:46
Speaker
I'm not sure if he had – was he – he might have been wearing a mask because he's credited as butcher number two.
00:24:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:53
Speaker
I mean, it looks like he's doing okay for the kind of bit part stuff.
00:24:58
Speaker
But I hope this helps him get more because he was honestly one of the more enjoyable aspects of this film.
00:25:04
Speaker
He was great.
00:25:05
Speaker
He did a great job.
00:25:07
Speaker
So, yeah, the plan is that they are going to do some crime to the place where Mike works and...
00:25:21
Speaker
The lawyer, Doug, is like, I can't be hearing this.
00:25:26
Speaker
And like tries to push this way out of the booth at the Denny's.
00:25:29
Speaker
They're all standing.
00:25:31
Speaker
I can't be hearing this.
00:25:32
Speaker
He gets this moment of clarity.
00:25:34
Speaker
He goes, I just realized I shouldn't be listening to any of this.
00:25:39
Speaker
He's a real good lawyer.
00:25:40
Speaker
He's really good.
00:25:44
Speaker
Then one of them is like, then the waiter is like, hey, wouldn't you like to order some lunch?
00:25:53
Speaker
And it's the most important meal of the day.
00:25:58
Speaker
And the guy's like, I thought breakfast was the most important meal of the day.
00:26:02
Speaker
And the waiter turns around and he rips his face off to, it's Tom Cruise.
00:26:08
Speaker
And then he Tom Cruises off the Mission Impossible mask and it's MatPat.
00:26:14
Speaker
Fucking.
00:26:15
Speaker
And he goes, and clearly Emma Tammy was like not interested in fucking like taking more than one take because MatPat like delivers his, that's just his theory.
00:26:28
Speaker
And he delivers it in the most like, he like stumbles over it.
00:26:33
Speaker
It's so dumb.
00:26:34
Speaker
It's, it's, it's dumb.
00:26:35
Speaker
It's badly done.
00:26:37
Speaker
It's just, it's so bad.
00:26:42
Speaker
It's so fucking bad.
00:26:45
Speaker
So anyway, it's on to night two.
00:26:49
Speaker
And yeah, he's, Mike is, has the same dream.
00:26:55
Speaker
He's, he confronts one of the kids.
00:26:58
Speaker
He's attacked and he wakes up and he's actually like bleeding a little bit.
00:27:04
Speaker
Because if you die in the dream, you die in real life.
00:27:07
Speaker
Yes, of course.
00:27:08
Speaker
Then he meets a cap and,
00:27:13
Speaker
Not a cop.
00:27:14
Speaker
Not a cop.
00:27:15
Speaker
Not a cop.
00:27:17
Speaker
Who is played by Elizabeth Lale.
00:27:21
Speaker
Who is just so badly cast in this.
00:27:24
Speaker
So badly cast in this.
00:27:25
Speaker
She looks like the captain of the track team, not a fucking cop.
00:27:29
Speaker
Like, it's so...
00:27:31
Speaker
off-putting her role because she kind of comes out of nowhere.
00:27:36
Speaker
She just poofs into existence in her cop car, spends the night in the fucking Five Nights at Freddy's with this guy, just like, are you ready for some cool shit?
00:27:46
Speaker
Let's look and watch these animatronics dance.
00:27:49
Speaker
And I said...
00:27:53
Speaker
I don't know if she's real.
00:27:54
Speaker
She might be like a dead ghost girl or something like that.
00:27:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:58
Speaker
Are we, is he hallucinating this?
00:27:59
Speaker
Right.
00:27:59
Speaker
That's how surreal and out of the goddamn blue she is.
00:28:03
Speaker
And on top of that, she looks unlike any cop I've ever seen in my life.
00:28:07
Speaker
She's just like, she's just like this chipper cheerleader looking girl in a cop's uniform.
00:28:12
Speaker
It looks like a Halloween costume.
00:28:14
Speaker
It does look like a Halloween costume.
00:28:16
Speaker
It's complete bullshit.
00:28:17
Speaker
It's crazy.
00:28:20
Speaker
And then she puts on the music.
00:28:23
Speaker
And the Five Nights at Freddy's dance.
00:28:28
Speaker
We are the Five Nights at Freddy's.
00:28:30
Speaker
Yes.
00:28:31
Speaker
And they're doing their thing.
00:28:32
Speaker
And what song do they play at that point?
00:28:35
Speaker
Oh, it was, oh, I Hear the Secrets That You Keep When You're Talking in Your Sleep.
00:28:41
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:43
Speaker
I hear the secrets that you keep when you're talking in your sleep.
00:28:50
Speaker
The romantics, yeah.
00:28:52
Speaker
The soundtrack for this movie, the songs they choose are not half bad, I will say.
00:29:05
Speaker
And yeah, and they're dancing.
00:29:06
Speaker
It's so strange because it's not like even a cover.
00:29:09
Speaker
It's like the actual old school version of it.
00:29:12
Speaker
It's the romantics.
00:29:13
Speaker
It's the song.
00:29:14
Speaker
And you've got Freddy like...
00:29:16
Speaker
It's if you've been to a Chuck E. Cheese, you know, it's just like the animatronics just have these two things, right?
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:25
Speaker
Just rocking back and forth.
00:29:27
Speaker
You know, the legs don't even move.
00:29:29
Speaker
It's just like it's only anyway.
00:29:32
Speaker
It's so weird.
00:29:34
Speaker
And she's so happy that they're doing this.
00:29:36
Speaker
Oh, she loves it.
00:29:37
Speaker
She loves it.
00:29:39
Speaker
So later that night.
00:29:41
Speaker
early morning, whatever, the gang of hoodlums show up.
00:29:45
Speaker
Mike is gone at this point.
00:29:47
Speaker
And they get in there.
00:29:48
Speaker
And this is the only, like, this is the only mass kill scene really in the movie.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:57
Speaker
Yeah, it is.
00:29:57
Speaker
And it comes in at right under midpoint.
00:30:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:03
Speaker
And not even during one of the nights of Freddy's.
00:30:06
Speaker
No, it's during the day.
00:30:12
Speaker
So they go in and there's some good kills here.
00:30:15
Speaker
It's pretty cool kills.
00:30:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:16
Speaker
Cupcake really is the MVP.
00:30:19
Speaker
Cupcake, I was not.
00:30:20
Speaker
I was surprised at how much of the grand slaughter Cupcake took credit for.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
I mean, Cupcake does face hugger.
00:30:29
Speaker
Facehuggers a guy.
00:30:34
Speaker
I say, all right, my note, I'm going to write my note.
00:30:37
Speaker
This is, as I'm watching, these are the notes I wrote.
00:30:40
Speaker
Uh-oh, some goons are going to get fucked up.
00:30:44
Speaker
Line break.
00:30:45
Speaker
Cupcake face hugger.
00:30:47
Speaker
Line break.
00:30:48
Speaker
Oh, Bonnie gets a kill.
00:30:50
Speaker
Line break.
00:30:51
Speaker
Cupcake is the real MVP.
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:54
Speaker
They send Cupcake through the shaft, through the ventilation shaft to fuck shit up on the head goon.
00:31:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:07
Speaker
It's, it's, it's, yeah, it's bad.
00:31:10
Speaker
But then, so Max, I think, is waiting in the car and she goes in to check things out and she sees a little boy and she follows the little boy and it's, she runs into the room where the little boy is and it's, it's Freddy is standing there and she's like, okay, well, the little boy, I guess, crawled into his mouth, question mark?
00:31:33
Speaker
Yeah, I guess.
00:31:35
Speaker
She gets on a stool to look in Freddy's mouth.
00:31:38
Speaker
And then the little boy ghost arm grabs her, pulls her in, and the Freddy animatronic bites her in half.
00:31:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:46
Speaker
And her legs fall off.
00:31:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:49
Speaker
It's pretty brutal.
00:31:53
Speaker
I didn't know they were going to go that hard.
00:31:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:55
Speaker
I mean, if you're going that hard.
00:31:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:59
Speaker
Why not go harder?
00:32:02
Speaker
Right.
00:32:02
Speaker
You've already.
00:32:03
Speaker
It begs the question.
00:32:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:05
Speaker
You've already gone really damn hard.
00:32:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:08
Speaker
You've opened that door.
00:32:10
Speaker
You've opened the door.
00:32:12
Speaker
I feel like we could have had more.
00:32:15
Speaker
And nothing like this happens again in the film.
00:32:18
Speaker
We don't get a kill this brutal ever again.
00:32:21
Speaker
That's it.
00:32:23
Speaker
And it's with this kind of throwaway character.
00:32:25
Speaker
It's...
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, and she was like the, she was the babysitter, and you think she's kind of a good person.
00:32:32
Speaker
I guess she isn't.
00:32:33
Speaker
She has some reservations about the whole thing.
00:32:36
Speaker
Right.
00:32:36
Speaker
But then she gets the worst kill in the movie.
00:32:38
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:32:41
Speaker
It's so strange.
00:32:42
Speaker
And that's just, again, like the issue with this is just it doesn't really – it's trying to do everything all at once.
00:32:49
Speaker
It's trying to be all fan service-y.
00:32:51
Speaker
It's trying to introduce yet another timeline of the Five Nights at Freddy's games where like – I told this to Kevin.
00:32:59
Speaker
So you have the game, you have the books, you have the movie.
00:33:01
Speaker
And they're all completely different backstories.
00:33:04
Speaker
Yep.
00:33:05
Speaker
And Scott Cawthon is involved in all of them.
00:33:07
Speaker
And it's just kind of more evidence that he just lucked into this shit that MatPat and the internet did what it did and just kind of like turned this game inside out and came up with lore that I think is pretty excellent that I think Scott Cawthon was only like a quarter aware of.
00:33:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:26
Speaker
Anything he was doing there.
00:33:27
Speaker
And he missed it boxed and just enough.
00:33:30
Speaker
JJ Abrams did just enough for the Internet to do what the Internet does.
00:33:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:36
Speaker
And he was smart enough, again, to go and say, oh, yeah, sure.
00:33:39
Speaker
You're yeah.
00:33:40
Speaker
Well, you're in be coy about worse.
00:33:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:43
Speaker
Oh, yeah, sure.
00:33:44
Speaker
Sure.
00:33:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:45
Speaker
Right.
00:33:47
Speaker
You're right.
00:33:48
Speaker
You are right.
00:33:49
Speaker
None of them.
00:33:50
Speaker
None of these timelines sync up at all.
00:33:53
Speaker
The books are completely different from the video games.
00:33:55
Speaker
It's completely different from this.
00:33:57
Speaker
It's all off.
00:33:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:00
Speaker
So
Twists and Climax Reveal
00:34:01
Speaker
Max is dead.
00:34:02
Speaker
So Abby needs to come with Mike on on the next shift.
00:34:06
Speaker
Uh, so we're on, we're on night three now.
00:34:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:10
Speaker
Um, the anim trucks come alive and they, they have, they, it's just so sweet.
00:34:16
Speaker
You know, they build a fort.
00:34:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:19
Speaker
Fucking stuff.
00:34:21
Speaker
Uh, and then, um, She's setting it up for a jump scare.
00:34:29
Speaker
Setting us up for a jump scare.
00:34:31
Speaker
She's got her braces.
00:34:32
Speaker
She got her braces today.
00:34:34
Speaker
Oh, let's see them.
00:34:35
Speaker
Let's see them.
00:34:38
Speaker
Very nice.
00:34:40
Speaker
Very nice.
00:34:40
Speaker
Just get them all good and clamped in there.
00:34:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:44
Speaker
They hurt a lot.
00:34:50
Speaker
How long do those last?
00:34:52
Speaker
Like, 12 months.
00:34:53
Speaker
I hate them.
00:34:54
Speaker
Okay, that's not... You know, when your dad and I were growing up, those things went a lot longer than 12 months.
00:35:00
Speaker
Yeah, I think I... That's good.
00:35:01
Speaker
I hate mine for, like, three years, I think.
00:35:03
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:35:04
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:35:04
Speaker
It's either three years or, like, one year.
00:35:09
Speaker
Yeah, we'll see.
00:35:10
Speaker
It hurts a lot.
00:35:12
Speaker
Aw.
00:35:12
Speaker
All right, well, go downstairs.
00:35:18
Speaker
Well, I'm on the...
00:35:22
Speaker
show me later love you sweetie so yeah um
00:35:34
Speaker
Anyway, it's lovely.
00:35:37
Speaker
Mike figures out that the animatronics are possessed by dead kids.
00:35:41
Speaker
Yes.
00:35:41
Speaker
He kind of makes that leap.
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah, he figures that out and confronts blonde cop lady about it and realize she knows about it too.
00:35:50
Speaker
Blonde co-op and she's very aware.
00:35:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:54
Speaker
The next night, Abby comes back with Mike and she accidentally grabs the guitar that Bonnie is using, I think.
00:36:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:04
Speaker
And it shocks her.
00:36:05
Speaker
And this was set up earlier when Bonnie is playing the guitar and he strums it and it like shorts out or something like that.
00:36:13
Speaker
Right, right.
00:36:14
Speaker
There's a live current running through it for some reason.
00:36:17
Speaker
And they in no way feel like this is relevant to warn her about.
00:36:21
Speaker
Nope.
00:36:22
Speaker
Nope.
00:36:24
Speaker
So basically Vanessa is Vanessa is like, you do not bring Abby back here.
00:36:36
Speaker
Or I will shoot you.
00:36:38
Speaker
Or I will shoot you.
00:36:39
Speaker
Which is the most realistic cop aspect of this whole thing.
00:36:42
Speaker
She literally tells him she'll shoot him.
00:36:44
Speaker
Even though she was egging her on.
00:36:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:49
Speaker
Like the moment that she sees this little girl and she's like, we were going to make a fort.
00:36:54
Speaker
And what would be the best thing to make a fort?
00:36:57
Speaker
And her brother's trying to like downplay this and be like, we're not going to do that.
00:37:01
Speaker
We're not doing any of this crap.
00:37:03
Speaker
And the fucking cops, the one who's like, well, I think this table would make an excellent for it.
00:37:09
Speaker
It's like, you're just as responsible as anybody else.
00:37:14
Speaker
I'll shoot you.
00:37:14
Speaker
How about that?
00:37:16
Speaker
Just stupid.
00:37:17
Speaker
It's fucking stupid.
00:37:19
Speaker
No, but everyone just kind of, no one really has.
00:37:23
Speaker
any memory of the things that they say or do from scene to scene.
00:37:28
Speaker
And it just, it doesn't matter.
00:37:32
Speaker
So, um, yeah.
00:37:35
Speaker
Uh, anyway, Mike, like aunt evil is going to babysit Abby for the next time.
00:37:41
Speaker
Uh, Mike has a dream where he's like, uh,
00:37:46
Speaker
The kids are like, hey, if you give us if you give us your sister, you can stay with Garrett forever because that we can do that.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:56
Speaker
And Mike's like, OK.
00:37:59
Speaker
Which.
00:38:00
Speaker
All right.
00:38:00
Speaker
But wait.
00:38:01
Speaker
No, I don't want to wait.
00:38:03
Speaker
I changed my mind.
00:38:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:06
Speaker
And then he gets sawed.
00:38:08
Speaker
Yeah, he gets his turn in the mask with all the buzz saws.
00:38:11
Speaker
Like, Michael Schmidt, would you like to play a game?
00:38:16
Speaker
And by the way, fucking, the character's name is Mike Schmidt, which I hate that they named the character Mike Schmidt.
00:38:29
Speaker
Like, in the games, it's Mike Schmidt in the first one.
00:38:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:32
Speaker
Because fucking Mike Schmidt does not deserve to be associated with Five Nights at Freddy's.
00:38:39
Speaker
He is the best goddamn third baseman of all time in the major leagues.
00:38:46
Speaker
Michael Jack Schmidt.
00:38:48
Speaker
Ha ha ha!
00:38:50
Speaker
Played for the fucking Philadelphia Phillies in the 70s and 80s.
00:38:56
Speaker
And he won a World Series with them.
00:38:58
Speaker
And he was the best third baseman ever in the majors.
00:39:03
Speaker
And Scott Cawthon took that away from him.
00:39:06
Speaker
You listening, Scott Cawthon?
00:39:08
Speaker
These kids got no sense of history now.
00:39:12
Speaker
Michael Jack Schmidt.
00:39:14
Speaker
Fucked him up.
00:39:15
Speaker
Fucked it up.
00:39:16
Speaker
God damn it.
00:39:18
Speaker
Um...
00:39:20
Speaker
Can't say Mike Schmidt now.
00:39:21
Speaker
And he'd be like, oh, Five Nights at Freddy's.
00:39:23
Speaker
He's like, no.
00:39:25
Speaker
No.
00:39:26
Speaker
I'm talking about Mike Schmidt.
00:39:29
Speaker
The Mike Schmidt.
00:39:30
Speaker
Talking about Mike Schmidt here.
00:39:33
Speaker
The Mike Schmidt.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:34
Speaker
The only one this podcast recognizes.
00:39:36
Speaker
How about that?
00:39:37
Speaker
The only one.
00:39:37
Speaker
The only one.
00:39:38
Speaker
We do not recognize the existence of other Mike Schmitz outside of.
00:39:42
Speaker
These fakey, fake Mike Schmitz.
00:39:43
Speaker
Fake Mike Schmitz.
00:39:44
Speaker
Fuck that.
00:39:45
Speaker
Fuck that.
00:39:45
Speaker
Fuck that.
00:39:47
Speaker
Um, so Mike gets out of the seat, the seat.
00:39:53
Speaker
Um, and, uh, I feel like, okay.
00:39:59
Speaker
I thought it was going to be like, when we saw the guard in the first scene, he was fumbling with the, the lock.
00:40:06
Speaker
Right.
00:40:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:07
Speaker
And he nearly gets it out and he gets killed.
00:40:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:10
Speaker
And I was like, I was thinking, oh, okay.
00:40:13
Speaker
They set it up so that because the guard did that stuff in the first scene, it's going to be easy for him to get it out.
00:40:20
Speaker
But when they show Mike fucking with it.
00:40:22
Speaker
It's exactly the same.
00:40:23
Speaker
It's exactly the same.
00:40:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:25
Speaker
He just happens to get it.
00:40:26
Speaker
I was like, no, you could have had, like, justified the reason he gets out.
00:40:32
Speaker
Because Mike basically loosened the jar of pickles for him.
00:40:35
Speaker
Right.
00:40:36
Speaker
Security guard number one who got his face shredded off.
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:41
Speaker
Which never comes up.
00:40:42
Speaker
No one talks about that.
00:40:44
Speaker
No one talks about it.
00:40:46
Speaker
I, yeah, I, I took it as this, it felt to me like your second try of the game.
00:40:54
Speaker
Like when you're trying to do the thing, uh, there was a trap, like there was, there was in, in, uh, sister location.
00:41:01
Speaker
There was a, uh, there was a level that was like that where you had to kind of like loosen these screws and all that shit.
00:41:07
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:41:08
Speaker
And it made me think of that.
00:41:09
Speaker
It's like the second or third or fourth time you tried to do it because it's identical.
00:41:14
Speaker
Right.
00:41:14
Speaker
Oh, excuse me.
00:41:16
Speaker
Sorry.
00:41:16
Speaker
This movie fucking bored the shit.
00:41:17
Speaker
I mean, and it's and he doesn't and we don't have a moment really where either characters, whether either Mike or the security guard, number one.
00:41:29
Speaker
like look down and go, Oh, a screw here, a bolt.
00:41:35
Speaker
If I could lose it, like we don't have a moment where they see it and recognize what it is or they just, they almost act as if they know it's there.
00:41:43
Speaker
Like, like it does feel like a video game in that sense.
00:41:46
Speaker
We're like, okay, this level, I know this level.
00:41:48
Speaker
You got to undo the screw.
00:41:49
Speaker
Okay.
00:41:49
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:51
Speaker
It's so stupid.
00:41:53
Speaker
It's, it's silly.
00:41:55
Speaker
Um, so where are we?
00:41:57
Speaker
What happened here?
00:42:00
Speaker
Are you talking about like our lives existentially?
00:42:03
Speaker
How did we get to this point?
00:42:05
Speaker
So he...
00:42:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:10
Speaker
Okay.
00:42:10
Speaker
So the Freddy, Freddy kills Jane super lamely.
00:42:18
Speaker
We don't even see any blood or anything.
00:42:20
Speaker
She's just like on the ground and kidnaps Abby and takes the taxi to the restaurant.
00:42:28
Speaker
And the guy is like, oh, I got the weirdest people.
00:42:33
Speaker
It's like, like not really funny, like an incredible impression of a joke.
00:42:38
Speaker
Like, it's just, this guy's like, I got the craziest taxi rides and you got a giant bear in there.
00:42:45
Speaker
Oh, isn't this amusing?
00:42:49
Speaker
He sure.
00:42:51
Speaker
He sure.
00:42:52
Speaker
That was a Seinfeld.
00:42:54
Speaker
He's like, what's the deal with the bear?
00:42:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:58
Speaker
He sure is.
00:42:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:04
Speaker
And honestly, the movie takes place clearly in the 90s, early mid 90s.
00:43:08
Speaker
It's clearly like 1996 or something.
00:43:11
Speaker
Which is appropriate because this cabbie driver is one of our two people of color in the entire film.
00:43:20
Speaker
And he exists to do the very mid 90s thing of, wow, that's crazy.
00:43:26
Speaker
Like that whole shtick.
00:43:27
Speaker
Right.
00:43:29
Speaker
It's bad.
00:43:30
Speaker
It's just, yeah, I'm glad the guy got a paycheck, but he deserved better.
00:43:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:34
Speaker
He deserved, everyone deserved better.
00:43:36
Speaker
Um, so everyone is a, but you know what they, the, the budget was 20 million and it made 200 million.
00:43:44
Speaker
So they probably are getting better if they got points on the back end.
00:43:48
Speaker
Well, yeah, yeah.
00:43:49
Speaker
If their, their agent didn't screw them completely.
00:43:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:52
Speaker
They're probably doing fine.
00:43:55
Speaker
So Vanessa tends to Mike's injuries.
00:44:00
Speaker
Vanessa also reveals that she's the daughter of William Afton, the serial killer.
00:44:07
Speaker
And he was the one who murdered Mike's brother and all the kids.
00:44:14
Speaker
And the animatronics have ghosts in them of the kids that he murdered.
00:44:21
Speaker
And they're under his control.
00:44:23
Speaker
And she's a cop with the resources of a local police department at her disposal and has done nothing.
00:44:33
Speaker
Nothing but cover up for her dad.
00:44:35
Speaker
Nothing.
00:44:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:38
Speaker
So, yeah, they they go and.
00:44:45
Speaker
Oh, there's a whole thing.
00:44:48
Speaker
It sure is.
00:44:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:53
Speaker
Yeah, it's basically fight scene, fight scene, everybody fight scene.
00:44:58
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:45:01
Speaker
We get fucking, PETA gets a taser or a stun gun.
00:45:06
Speaker
I don't forget what the difference is.
00:45:08
Speaker
I forget what it is.
00:45:09
Speaker
Yeah, he's got the one that has the... It's a stun baton, I think.
00:45:11
Speaker
Is it a stun gun?
00:45:13
Speaker
No, it's the one that fires the needles.
00:45:16
Speaker
Okay, stun gun, yeah.
00:45:17
Speaker
Stun gun.
00:45:17
Speaker
So he's got the stun gun, and he very handily takes out...
00:45:23
Speaker
Almost everyone like with a stunt guy, like it's, it's not even an issue.
00:45:28
Speaker
He fucking takes out Freddie and, and Bonnie and cupcake.
00:45:33
Speaker
And like, he just shocks them all out.
00:45:36
Speaker
And, and he takes care of business in about five minutes.
00:45:39
Speaker
It's right.
00:45:41
Speaker
It's done.
00:45:42
Speaker
It's done.
00:45:43
Speaker
It's done.
00:45:43
Speaker
And then Steve, I,
00:45:46
Speaker
Wait a minute.
00:45:47
Speaker
Steve shows up wearing the yellow rabbit suit.
00:45:51
Speaker
Wait a minute.
00:45:52
Speaker
Wait a minute.
00:45:52
Speaker
Wait a minute.
00:45:54
Speaker
Steve is William Afton, and he's been undercover for the past 10 years as Steve Raglin is
00:46:05
Speaker
career counselor, humble local career counselor, humble local career counselor, Steve Raglin, uh, who just works a nine to five and occasionally points a schlub over to five nights at Freddy's, uh, pizzeria place, uh, to what the fuck?
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:27
Speaker
It's so stupid.
00:46:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:30
Speaker
I appreciate anything that gives us another twist where Matthew Lillard is the killer.
00:46:36
Speaker
Matthew Lillard's the killer.
00:46:38
Speaker
I appreciate anybody who's like, but the twist is that Lillard's the killer.
00:46:43
Speaker
I appreciate that.
00:46:44
Speaker
Fine.
00:46:46
Speaker
Fine.
00:46:46
Speaker
Worked for Scream.
00:46:47
Speaker
Sorry, Scream spoilers, but fucking- God, he was great in that.
00:46:51
Speaker
Fuck, he was great in that.
00:46:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:53
Speaker
The movie ruled.
00:46:56
Speaker
He was so good in that.
00:46:57
Speaker
He was one of the best parts of that fucking movie.
00:47:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:01
Speaker
And we get a fight scene that's like two linebackers crashing into each other.
00:47:08
Speaker
It's just... Yeah.
00:47:10
Speaker
Which made me think of what, in my opinion, might be...
00:47:15
Speaker
Kind of the one major overarching issue with the scariness of the animatronics in this.
00:47:22
Speaker
Right.
00:47:22
Speaker
Which is they focus so hard on the cumbersome Jurassic Park heavy footed quality of these things.
00:47:33
Speaker
The Freddy will turn and you'll hear doom, doom.
00:47:38
Speaker
And the whole thing about the game is that these things are huge.
00:47:42
Speaker
They're animatronics and they're completely silent for the most part.
00:47:46
Speaker
Like you hear a little, but you don't, that's what's scary about them.
00:47:51
Speaker
There's a moment where like,
00:47:53
Speaker
I remember in the game, you could, you could, if you put the, if you timed it right and you went to the hall, turned the camera at the hallway at the right time, you would see Foxy sprinting down the hallway at you.
00:48:03
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:48:04
Speaker
Foxy.
00:48:04
Speaker
Yeah, slammed the door shut.
00:48:06
Speaker
Yeah, and I was like, and it wasn't, it's, it's, it's,
00:48:10
Speaker
It's eerie and strange and unnatural.
00:48:14
Speaker
It's not meant to be that kind of that.
00:48:16
Speaker
But instead, we've got like the Jurassic Park, like ripples in the glass of water in the van, in the in the in the Jeep scene.
00:48:25
Speaker
And to me, I think that honestly.
00:48:28
Speaker
is like just a fundamental foundational issue with everything.
00:48:34
Speaker
It kind of bleeds into everything.
00:48:35
Speaker
That misunderstanding of what makes these things scary really fucks things.
00:48:40
Speaker
And that's what made me think of it.
00:48:42
Speaker
The fact that fucking the Springtrap bunny suit and him just basically knock into each other like a couple of kaiju over Tokyo.
00:48:50
Speaker
And it's just...
00:48:51
Speaker
There's no grace.
00:48:52
Speaker
There's no style.
00:48:53
Speaker
There's nothing creepy about it.
00:48:54
Speaker
It's just two guys clobbering each other.
00:48:56
Speaker
It's it's neon Genesis, Fred and Galeon.
00:49:04
Speaker
It's true.
00:49:05
Speaker
It's true.
00:49:07
Speaker
It's so stupid.
00:49:09
Speaker
It's so stupid.
00:49:11
Speaker
God, waste of time.
00:49:15
Speaker
So anyway, fuck the things happen.
00:49:18
Speaker
Uh, they find out it's the pictures that are controlling the kids.
00:49:22
Speaker
Um, Abby draws new pictures.
00:49:24
Speaker
The animatronics turn on spring trap, um, and, uh, and turn on spring trap.
00:49:31
Speaker
Um, uh, uh,
00:49:34
Speaker
And then the spring locks mechanism activate.
00:49:38
Speaker
So no matter what, if it's the book or the movie, William Afton is done in by the spring.
00:49:46
Speaker
That's kind of the one through line.
00:49:48
Speaker
The one through line is he gets killed by the spring locks.
00:49:51
Speaker
He always dies the same way, which, okay, at least there's one thing, I guess.
00:49:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:59
Speaker
Vanessa is wounded.
00:50:02
Speaker
She got stabbed at some point by her dad, I think.
00:50:06
Speaker
She's stabbing.
00:50:07
Speaker
That's that's that's.
00:50:09
Speaker
Oh, she's going to need a lot of therapy.
00:50:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:13
Speaker
She goes into a coma.
00:50:18
Speaker
That's pretty much the end of the movie.
00:50:23
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much.
00:50:24
Speaker
And yeah, we get we get a brief moment where Mike's visiting his sister's teacher again.
00:50:32
Speaker
And like you can see her playing with other kids.
00:50:34
Speaker
And she's like, it's a remarkable recovery.
00:50:37
Speaker
I've never seen anything like that.
00:50:39
Speaker
Really?
00:50:39
Speaker
Because I would think if she watched a man die surrounded by animatronics, I feel like she'd go further inside, but I'm not a doctor.
00:50:49
Speaker
So fuck me.
00:50:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:51
Speaker
Yeah.
Scott Cawthon's Beliefs and Film Impact
00:50:53
Speaker
And it's like, it's like, congratulations.
00:50:56
Speaker
Your sister went from neurodivergent to neurotypical.
00:51:00
Speaker
Right.
00:51:00
Speaker
You've cured her by exposing her to a man getting murdered to death by animatronics.
00:51:08
Speaker
Just like it works in real life.
00:51:10
Speaker
Just like it works in real life.
00:51:13
Speaker
Now to cure autism.
00:51:15
Speaker
Jesus Christ.
00:51:18
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I feel like that would be on Scott's wish list.
00:51:23
Speaker
I think so.
00:51:24
Speaker
I think so.
00:51:27
Speaker
And if you say I'm being unfair to Scott Cawthon, no, I'm not.
00:51:31
Speaker
No.
00:51:32
Speaker
I'm not being unfair to him.
00:51:34
Speaker
I think it might be a little too fair.
00:51:35
Speaker
I might be a little too fair.
00:51:36
Speaker
I could probably go.
00:51:38
Speaker
I've said choice words already in our other Five Nights at Freddy's about what I think of Scott Cawthon as.
00:51:45
Speaker
as, uh, as kind of like a generally as a person.
00:51:50
Speaker
Um, and, uh, it's not just a difference of opinion here.
00:51:55
Speaker
It's, you know, you can't with a straight face fucking support.
00:51:59
Speaker
Uh, uh, what's his name?
00:52:01
Speaker
That Senator from Texas, um, uh, Cruz, Ted Cruz.
00:52:07
Speaker
You can't like donate to Ted Cruz and Donald Trump thousands and thousands of dollars and be like, yeah, I'm good person.
00:52:14
Speaker
I'm cool.
00:52:17
Speaker
We're just a little different, you and I. No.
00:52:19
Speaker
We're just a little different, you and I. So, yeah.
00:52:22
Speaker
So what did you think of it, Phil?
00:52:26
Speaker
I haven't picked up on what your thoughts on this movie are yet.
00:52:29
Speaker
Have I not been clear?
00:52:30
Speaker
Let me clarify.
00:52:32
Speaker
This was fucking awful.
00:52:34
Speaker
And it's funny because so many people I've been seeing opinions get rattled around and –
00:52:41
Speaker
And overwhelmingly, people have been like, well, this is not a good movie, but it's not terrible.
00:52:46
Speaker
And so I was like, OK, well, that's not so bad.
00:52:48
Speaker
That's worth a lunchtime viewing.
00:52:51
Speaker
And it was fucking awful.
00:52:53
Speaker
It was just none of it made sense.
00:52:55
Speaker
It just it didn't hang together well.
00:52:57
Speaker
It didn't know what it wanted to be.
00:52:59
Speaker
Its fan service was flimsy and weak.
00:53:01
Speaker
So you're not even going to do that part right.
00:53:04
Speaker
Right.
00:53:05
Speaker
All I could think about – and I know I do this a lot.
00:53:07
Speaker
And I listen to old episodes and I hear myself going, if I wrote this, I would blah, blah, blah.
00:53:13
Speaker
And that's stupid and obnoxious.
00:53:15
Speaker
But I'm going to do it anyway.
00:53:17
Speaker
I feel like all you – they overcomplicated this in a way that we keep seeing.
00:53:23
Speaker
We keep seeing them overcomplicate this thing.
00:53:26
Speaker
It's like –
00:53:26
Speaker
Why not just a fucking movie that is literally Five Nights at Freddy's, this security guard doing his job.
00:53:32
Speaker
He probably doesn't even have a goddamn line in the whole film, and it's just him dealing with it and the fucking creep fest.
00:53:39
Speaker
Movies like Skinnamarank have shown us that that kind of like...
00:53:43
Speaker
Right.
00:53:43
Speaker
Slow burn.
00:53:44
Speaker
Like that kind of shit can be really effective if you know how to use it.
00:53:47
Speaker
I don't see why it just – I know why.
00:53:51
Speaker
It's because it's a franchise and people expect certain things of you when you do that.
00:53:55
Speaker
But it just – it's –
00:53:59
Speaker
I'm not like a big FNAF fanboy, but it's an effective horror game.
00:54:06
Speaker
It's pretty effective.
00:54:07
Speaker
Why is this so hard for people to adapt?
00:54:09
Speaker
And I think it's because everyone needs to play around with the universe and get all complicated with it.
00:54:15
Speaker
It's like, no, no.
00:54:16
Speaker
The simplicity is what...
00:54:18
Speaker
leaves its mark in the first place.
00:54:21
Speaker
Right.
00:54:21
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:54:23
Speaker
What about you, Kevin?
00:54:24
Speaker
What did you think?
00:54:25
Speaker
So I agree for the most part.
00:54:27
Speaker
I think it's pretty bad.
00:54:30
Speaker
I also think it's...
00:54:32
Speaker
I also think it's fine as baby's first horror movie.
00:54:36
Speaker
Oh, sure, sure.
00:54:38
Speaker
If you kind of look at it from that angle, I think it works as like, all right, well, I'm introducing like a kid to horror.
00:54:47
Speaker
Was this PG-13?
00:54:48
Speaker
I don't know.
00:54:50
Speaker
Yeah, PG-13.
00:54:50
Speaker
It was PG-13.
00:54:51
Speaker
So I think it works in that regards.
00:54:55
Speaker
But if we're stripping away that...
00:54:57
Speaker
layer of it.
00:54:59
Speaker
I think there's a lot of nonsensical... There's... There is so much superstructure around this movie to force things to happen that don't need to actually happen.
00:55:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:22
Speaker
You know?
00:55:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:24
Speaker
We don't need...
00:55:26
Speaker
We don't need Mike to have to protect a younger sister necessarily.
00:55:32
Speaker
Like, why does he, why is he taking this job?
Casting Critique and Suggestions
00:55:36
Speaker
Well, I don't know.
00:55:38
Speaker
He got assigned there because guess what?
00:55:41
Speaker
There's also, there's a number of ways, like just like a small research, just a little research into how like security firms work.
00:55:50
Speaker
Right.
00:55:51
Speaker
Right.
00:55:52
Speaker
people don't hire security guards.
00:55:55
Speaker
They hire a company, security companies, and then security companies provide the security for security guards.
00:56:02
Speaker
Like that's like an easy way to go about it.
00:56:05
Speaker
Like, Oh, we hired a firm and this is the guy.
00:56:08
Speaker
This is your assignment.
00:56:09
Speaker
He's, this is your assignment.
00:56:10
Speaker
You know, um, it doesn't need a full distressed life in order to be forced into taking this job necessarily.
00:56:20
Speaker
Um,
00:56:22
Speaker
So, yeah, I there is just too much stuff.
00:56:27
Speaker
It is.
00:56:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:28
Speaker
Hat on top of a hat on top of a hat.
00:56:31
Speaker
And yeah, it's and by the way, fucking PETA, that kid is the worst bit of casting in the whole thing.
00:56:38
Speaker
And I include Miss Blonde and beautiful cop girl in the whole thing.
00:56:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:56:42
Speaker
He's I. All right.
00:56:43
Speaker
He's this like basically PTSD riddled, like anger problem having grunty kind of like he's a he's a scrapper.
00:56:53
Speaker
He's a fighter and he's he's troubled and all that stuff.
00:56:56
Speaker
I do not buy that from this actor for a fucking second.
00:57:00
Speaker
It is terrible casting.
00:57:02
Speaker
Terrible.
00:57:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:03
Speaker
You know who would have been perfect would be, oh, fuck, what's his name?
00:57:11
Speaker
The other guy that was Robert Pattinson.
00:57:17
Speaker
He could have done this role.
00:57:19
Speaker
He could have done this role.
00:57:20
Speaker
He could have exactly just done his part from, oh, fuck.
00:57:28
Speaker
What's the name of that?
00:57:31
Speaker
From Good Time.
00:57:33
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:57:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57:35
Speaker
He could have just been his guy from Good Time and it would have been fine.
00:57:38
Speaker
It would have been fine.
00:57:40
Speaker
You know, he even could have done it in the part that like the way I kind of wish they would have done it, where I wish we had some schlubby security.
00:57:48
Speaker
Like the first guy, the guy who dies in the in the fucking cold opening.
00:57:52
Speaker
I wish he was our hero, like sitting there in a dim light under a bear bulb with an egg salad sandwich board and looking at the security camera.
00:58:00
Speaker
Yes.
00:58:01
Speaker
And we've got a route for him somehow.
00:58:03
Speaker
And Robert Pattinson still could have.
00:58:04
Speaker
He could have still pulled that off.
00:58:06
Speaker
I bet he could have.
00:58:08
Speaker
All right, you know who would have been perfect?
00:58:10
Speaker
Okay, who?
00:58:11
Speaker
If this was like 10 years ago and he was still alive or whatever?
00:58:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:15
Speaker
Harry Dean Stanton.
00:58:17
Speaker
Oh, fuck.
00:58:19
Speaker
Yes, I I would watch the shit out of a Five Nights at Freddy's movie where the security guard is Harry Dean Stan.
00:58:29
Speaker
Are you?
00:58:29
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:58:31
Speaker
Just chain smoking and just going, oh, what the fuck is going?
00:58:35
Speaker
I fucking love it.
00:58:36
Speaker
Yes, absolutely.
00:58:37
Speaker
Yep.
00:58:38
Speaker
Just give me a Harry Dean Stan or or.
00:58:43
Speaker
just a guy who is a guy who is that guy from the eighties or whatever.
00:58:48
Speaker
Yes.
00:58:49
Speaker
Give me, give me a, give me a Harry Dean stand.
00:58:51
Speaker
Give me a fucking Peter.
00:58:52
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:58:53
Speaker
Give me Peter Weller.
00:58:54
Speaker
Yes.
00:58:54
Speaker
Peter Weller.
00:58:55
Speaker
Give me, give me just one of these guys.
00:58:58
Speaker
Give me a, what's his fuck from the Terminator.
00:59:02
Speaker
Uh, uh, Oh, uh,
00:59:05
Speaker
Kyle Reese.
00:59:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:09
Speaker
It's like fucking chewing on a fucking room temperature bologna sandwich.
00:59:14
Speaker
Just like.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:16
Speaker
Smoking indoors because you were allowed to do that back then.
00:59:19
Speaker
Give me like an 80s action slash horror character actor who is just done.
00:59:27
Speaker
And put him in that role as a security guard who just has to.
00:59:31
Speaker
And now I need to watch Willy's Wonderland, which was the Nick Cage version of Five Nights at Freddy's.
00:59:42
Speaker
Did that do well?
00:59:44
Speaker
I mean, I don't know anything about that one.
00:59:47
Speaker
Let's see.
00:59:50
Speaker
I mean, no.
00:59:52
Speaker
No.
00:59:55
Speaker
It's about on par with how this one did at least like, no, Rotten Tomatoes gave it 61%.
01:00:01
Speaker
That's better than I expected.
01:00:04
Speaker
And I think Five Nights at Freddy's was something in the 30s for Rotten Tomatoes.
01:00:09
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:11
Speaker
It had one quarter of the budget.
01:00:16
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like now we've got to watch that.
01:00:19
Speaker
Now we've got to watch that.
01:00:19
Speaker
We might do another episode on Willy's Wonderland just to.
01:00:22
Speaker
Yeah, why not?
01:00:23
Speaker
Why not?
01:00:24
Speaker
Fucking why not?
01:00:25
Speaker
You know?
01:00:28
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:29
Speaker
So I guess those are our thoughts on Five Nights at Freddy's, the movie.
01:00:36
Speaker
It's going to be a series now.
01:00:37
Speaker
It made too much money on that budget.
01:00:40
Speaker
It did.
01:00:41
Speaker
It did.
01:00:41
Speaker
We're going to be watching a sequel.
01:00:43
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:45
Speaker
And it's somehow going to be even worse.
01:00:47
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:48
Speaker
No.
01:00:49
Speaker
I really hope, as I say for every time that there is something, I hope for the sake of the people in the movie that they move on to bigger and better things.
01:01:01
Speaker
Yes.
01:01:01
Speaker
I hope everybody involved...
01:01:05
Speaker
got their fucking nut out of this and like, and, and, and, and are advancing their careers based on this.
01:01:12
Speaker
I hope they do well.
01:01:13
Speaker
I hope, I hope they're, they're, they're doing great.
01:01:16
Speaker
Uh, because someone should be happy.
01:01:21
Speaker
after this fucking movie.
01:01:23
Speaker
And it's not us.
01:01:24
Speaker
It's not the audience.
Community Engagement and Patreon Support
01:01:25
Speaker
So someone involved, the cast, the crew, the director, someone, someone should be happy.
01:01:33
Speaker
Someone must be happy.
01:01:34
Speaker
Someone.
01:01:35
Speaker
One must imagine the audience of Five Nights at Freddy's happy.
01:01:41
Speaker
Yes.
01:01:43
Speaker
To paraphrase Sartre.
01:01:45
Speaker
Was it Sartre that said that?
01:01:47
Speaker
I don't remember.
01:01:48
Speaker
One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
01:01:57
Speaker
Camus.
01:01:58
Speaker
Fuck.
01:01:58
Speaker
I knew it was a Camus.
01:01:59
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
01:02:01
Speaker
That's the magic podcast.
01:02:02
Speaker
Just edit it.
01:02:03
Speaker
So you're like, as Camus said, it's just, it's either going to be Camus or Sartre.
01:02:11
Speaker
And that's pretty much the, the extent of my French existentialism.
01:02:17
Speaker
That's, I think that's more than you need.
01:02:20
Speaker
I think you're overachieving a little bit.
01:02:22
Speaker
I think you're good.
01:02:24
Speaker
So, um,
01:02:28
Speaker
What are you playing?
01:02:29
Speaker
Oh, oh, I'm so glad you asked.
01:02:31
Speaker
It's easy.
01:02:32
Speaker
I didn't even need to write it down because I've only really been playing one game the past few days.
01:02:37
Speaker
I finally got into Dave the Diver.
01:02:41
Speaker
And I love it.
01:02:44
Speaker
It's like, I got it.
01:02:46
Speaker
I saw that it was available on Switch and I went, well, that kind of feels perfect.
01:02:51
Speaker
Like everything I know about that game, that kind of feels like a very Switchy game.
01:02:56
Speaker
Let's throw down the money on that.
01:02:58
Speaker
And I got that one.
01:03:01
Speaker
Talk about a comfort food game.
01:03:04
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:05
Speaker
It does such a good job at like giving you lots to do and without overwhelming you.
01:03:10
Speaker
You know, the sushi sections where you're running back and forth and everything.
01:03:17
Speaker
It's kind of a time crunch are not that stressful.
01:03:20
Speaker
And even if even if they do get crazy, it doesn't overstay its wealth.
01:03:24
Speaker
It's not that bad.
01:03:25
Speaker
Like it seems like it looks more stressful than it actually is.
01:03:30
Speaker
Like you have plenty of time to do this stuff.
01:03:32
Speaker
It's, it's perfectly charming and, and I can sit there and, and do a day in about 15 minutes and, and, you know, collect some treasure, shoot some, some fish.
01:03:43
Speaker
And, and then, and then of course my favorite part about it is how every now and then I, I'm just like, Oh, this is nice.
01:03:51
Speaker
Oh, that's a shark.
01:03:51
Speaker
That's a shark.
01:03:52
Speaker
That's a shark.
01:03:53
Speaker
and I like have to like get some distance and shoot the fuck out of it.
01:03:57
Speaker
Yeah, every time you see a shark, you're like, I would start like, we're like, all right, I think sharks are in this vicinity, so I'm just gonna be really careful edging around here.
01:04:08
Speaker
It's just a really satisfying game.
01:04:12
Speaker
I feel like every time I get out of the water, I've accomplished just a little more.
01:04:18
Speaker
So it makes you want to, it just, it baits that hook very nicely where just, you're just, you're constantly doing a little more and a little more and it's always satisfying.
01:04:27
Speaker
Just a very, very well-designed game.
01:04:29
Speaker
I'm really enjoying it so far.
01:04:31
Speaker
So I'm having a lot of fun with it.
01:04:32
Speaker
Yeah, it's awesome.
01:04:34
Speaker
What about you, Kevin?
01:04:34
Speaker
What are you playing?
Current Video Game Enjoyment
01:04:36
Speaker
I am playing, speaking of Peter Weller, I am playing RoboCop Rogue City.
01:04:43
Speaker
I am much further into it than last episode.
01:04:46
Speaker
And God damn it, I love this game.
01:04:49
Speaker
Awesome.
01:04:50
Speaker
It is...
01:04:55
Speaker
I don't know what it is about the game that I love.
01:04:58
Speaker
First of all, RoboCop has infinite ammo.
01:05:02
Speaker
Okay, that's always nice.
01:05:03
Speaker
That's always nice.
01:05:04
Speaker
His basic handgun, like the gun that he keeps in his thigh that goes, and he takes out.
01:05:10
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
01:05:11
Speaker
He has infinite ammo with that one.
01:05:14
Speaker
And you can get this upgrade board.
01:05:16
Speaker
It's like the PCB board or whatever it's called.
01:05:19
Speaker
You can put slot chips into it and that you get different upgrades.
01:05:23
Speaker
But you have to be careful about which chips you slot because there will be like downgrades that you can accidentally link them to.
01:05:31
Speaker
It's interesting.
01:05:33
Speaker
Oh, that's interesting.
01:05:34
Speaker
It's an interesting little like mini thing of like, okay, I got to collect this
01:05:39
Speaker
ones that go this direction and not this direction, because of it redirects power over here, then all do 5% less damage or something.
01:05:50
Speaker
It's a lot of fun, especially when it's like every time, it's so 80s in terms of the villains, because you are Robocop.
01:06:01
Speaker
You have just gone through an entire area and killed 30 of your compatriots.
01:06:09
Speaker
And what are the next guys going to say?
01:06:13
Speaker
Oh, shit, it's RoboCop.
01:06:14
Speaker
Blast him.
01:06:15
Speaker
Or we're going to kill you or whatever.
01:06:23
Speaker
Like, no, your job is to die.
01:06:27
Speaker
Yes.
01:06:27
Speaker
I am RoboCop.
01:06:32
Speaker
So the great thing is you can shoot guys in the dick.
01:06:37
Speaker
You shoot them in the dick, they grab their dick, they go down to their knees and they fall over.
01:06:42
Speaker
My favorite thing is to shoot them in the dick.
01:06:44
Speaker
And then when they go down onto the knees, shoot them in the head, blow their head off.
01:06:47
Speaker
It's a nice one-two punch.
01:06:50
Speaker
You might say, Kevin, isn't that a little intense?
01:06:53
Speaker
Isn't that a little much?
01:06:55
Speaker
Isn't that a little nasty?
01:06:58
Speaker
Um...
01:07:00
Speaker
And I would say, yeah, but it's fucking awesome.
01:07:02
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
01:07:03
Speaker
I don't know, Kevin, that doesn't sound like something I would say.
01:07:07
Speaker
Maybe our viewers at home.
01:07:08
Speaker
Well, not you, but the general.
01:07:10
Speaker
Not me specifically.
01:07:11
Speaker
I just imagine that somewhere out there, Tipper Gore is in our audience.
01:07:17
Speaker
I would be thrilled.
01:07:19
Speaker
I'd be thrilled for so many reasons.
01:07:21
Speaker
I can't tell you.
01:07:23
Speaker
If Tipper Gore listened to Pixel It, I would say we made it.
01:07:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
01:07:29
Speaker
That would be it.
01:07:30
Speaker
That'd be good enough for me.
01:07:31
Speaker
That'd be fine.
01:07:34
Speaker
Like Tipper Gore throwing a parental advisory label on us personally.
01:07:42
Speaker
That'd be like achieving your priesthood through the Pope.
01:07:46
Speaker
That would just be...
01:07:48
Speaker
Amazing.
01:07:51
Speaker
So, yeah, it's a lot of fun.
01:07:56
Speaker
I can't really say enough about it.
01:07:57
Speaker
Even like I took a screenshot of this one guy.
01:08:00
Speaker
I'm talking to this security guard and the guy looks like he is such fucking 80s character actor face.
01:08:12
Speaker
Uh-huh.
01:08:13
Speaker
He's a guy who clearly, he had chicken pox as a kid, had a bad case of it.
01:08:21
Speaker
A lot of pock marks.
01:08:23
Speaker
He's probably 40, but has been smoking his entire life.
01:08:27
Speaker
So he looks, there's different, 40 hits different now.
01:08:28
Speaker
It really does.
01:08:29
Speaker
It's not the same.
01:08:30
Speaker
It's not the same.
01:08:41
Speaker
So, but anyway, I took a screenshot of that guy.
01:08:46
Speaker
Actually, hold on, hold on.
01:08:49
Speaker
Let me see if I can bring this guy up.
01:08:53
Speaker
I'm going to do a, see if I can do a little quick screen share of our gentlemen.
01:09:01
Speaker
of our fine gentlemen here.
01:09:04
Speaker
Share, screen, and I am going to share this guy and share.
01:09:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
01:09:21
Speaker
That guy's got a big old, just a full 1987 face.
01:09:24
Speaker
That is, yeah.
01:09:25
Speaker
That is, he is, he is living in 1987.
01:09:29
Speaker
That is, that is his time.
01:09:32
Speaker
Holy shit.
01:09:33
Speaker
He is, he is like three years away from being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.
01:09:37
Speaker
Man.
01:09:42
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:43
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:45
Speaker
God damn.
01:09:45
Speaker
It's true.
01:09:46
Speaker
It's true.
01:09:46
Speaker
I, I, I,
01:09:48
Speaker
Our generation's 40 hits way different.
01:09:51
Speaker
Yeah, it's... And I mean, this guy might be in the... I don't know.
01:09:56
Speaker
I'm just saying he feels like a 1987-40.
01:09:59
Speaker
Oh, without question.
01:10:02
Speaker
Born a couple years after the Great War.
01:10:04
Speaker
Yes, yes.
01:10:05
Speaker
Or World War II, rather.
01:10:06
Speaker
And, you know, he started smoking at five.
01:10:11
Speaker
Of course.
01:10:12
Speaker
Yeah, that was...
01:10:14
Speaker
It was doctor recommended.
01:10:16
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:10:17
Speaker
He'd turned five and they said, okay, so do you want regular menthol?
01:10:24
Speaker
Here's your first pack.
01:10:26
Speaker
Now, these are a healthier option.
01:10:30
Speaker
It's Lucky Strikes.
01:10:32
Speaker
They're toasted.
01:10:37
Speaker
Oh, man.
01:10:38
Speaker
Somewhere Jon Hamm gets his wings.
01:10:41
Speaker
Exactly.
01:10:41
Speaker
Again.
01:10:42
Speaker
He's just gained so many wings at this point.
01:10:45
Speaker
He's like one of those biblically accurate angels with like 19 pairs of them.
01:10:49
Speaker
I forgot.
01:10:50
Speaker
He's playing a fucking angel in the Good Omen series.
01:10:54
Speaker
So that's... Oh, that's funny.
01:10:56
Speaker
He plays Gabriel.
01:11:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:11:02
Speaker
Sure.
01:11:03
Speaker
Sure.
01:11:05
Speaker
Fuck it, you know?
01:11:06
Speaker
Fuck it.
01:11:08
Speaker
But yeah, so yeah, that's it.
01:11:10
Speaker
RoboCop Rogue City.
01:11:11
Speaker
Nice.
01:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's in the next two that I've got to play.
01:11:17
Speaker
The only bad thing I'll say about it is that the one boss fight I've had so far was against an ED-209 unit.
01:11:27
Speaker
And it was like a very, it was a heavy bullshit boss fight because it basically doesn't need to stop firing.
01:11:36
Speaker
And you're Robocop, you don't really move too fast.
01:11:39
Speaker
So it's like a lot of spamming and waiting for your shields
01:11:46
Speaker
upgrade to recharge and then throwing every explodable object you can find on the map into the ED-209's face.
01:11:59
Speaker
But yeah, I cheesed him a little bit and won and moved on.
01:12:01
Speaker
Nice.
01:12:03
Speaker
No, this definitely looks like it'd be worth playing.
01:12:06
Speaker
This looks really interesting.
01:12:07
Speaker
Yeah.
01:12:09
Speaker
So that'll do it for tonight's episode.
01:12:11
Speaker
But before we go, Phil, do you have a website...
01:12:15
Speaker
In mind, I've been looking for a website.
01:12:17
Speaker
Maybe the audience has been looking for a website too.
01:12:20
Speaker
Just a fucking website to go to.
01:12:25
Speaker
My browser, I have nowhere to go.
01:12:27
Speaker
My browser bar, it's empty.
01:12:30
Speaker
Search history, nothing.
01:12:31
Speaker
Nothing.
01:12:32
Speaker
Wish I'd go.
01:12:33
Speaker
Well, you know, maybe a little something to amuse your palate could be found at patreon.com slash pixelitpod, where you can join us for free and just be a part of the community or enter into one of three tiers to help support us and help us keep the lights and the internet webs running and the tubes that we crawl through online
01:12:56
Speaker
on a daily basis, well lubricated with digital jelly.
01:13:00
Speaker
That's what we're looking for.
01:13:02
Speaker
Every little bit counts.
01:13:03
Speaker
And again, you don't even have to spend a dollar for us.
01:13:06
Speaker
You don't even have to, you don't have to do any of that.
01:13:08
Speaker
You can just be a part of the community.
01:13:10
Speaker
It means the world to us.
01:13:12
Speaker
Pixelit or patreon.com slash pixelit pod.
01:13:16
Speaker
Do it today.
01:13:18
Speaker
Lube tubes.
01:13:19
Speaker
Lube tubes.
01:13:20
Speaker
And speaking of those wonderful people who support us and we love very much, this comes to the time and the show where we reference, remember, respect, friendly friend.
01:13:32
Speaker
Thank you so much, friendly friend, for all of your support.
01:13:36
Speaker
Thank you for your support and dollars.
01:13:39
Speaker
It is the best.
01:13:41
Speaker
We love it.
01:13:41
Speaker
Best thing ever.
01:13:42
Speaker
We love it.
01:13:43
Speaker
We love it.
01:13:45
Speaker
Otherwise, if you're looking for other places to follow us, you can follow us on Twitter.
01:13:52
Speaker
You can follow us... Actually, don't follow us on Twitter.
01:13:56
Speaker
Don't follow us.
01:13:57
Speaker
That's all right.
01:13:58
Speaker
You can follow us on Blue Sky.
01:13:59
Speaker
Blue Sky.
01:14:00
Speaker
We're on there.
01:14:03
Speaker
And Phil and I are on there.
01:14:05
Speaker
Pixelit Kevin.
01:14:06
Speaker
I'm having fun with it.
01:14:07
Speaker
Kevin.PixelitPod.com and PhilMakesMonsters.com
01:14:14
Speaker
eSky.net, whatever.
01:14:16
Speaker
Yeah, just, yeah.
01:14:18
Speaker
I don't remember the handles.
01:14:20
Speaker
Instagram, we're on there too.
01:14:23
Speaker
Yeah, or just if you don't know how to get to our Patreon page, you can go to pixelatpod.com.
01:14:30
Speaker
It'll redirect
Social Media and Community Promotion
01:14:31
Speaker
you right on over there.
01:14:33
Speaker
Boom.
01:14:33
Speaker
And we have a Discord.
01:14:34
Speaker
So join our Discord.
01:14:36
Speaker
Join the conversation.
01:14:37
Speaker
Have some fun with us.
01:14:38
Speaker
It's a good time.
01:14:40
Speaker
It really is.
01:14:41
Speaker
That'll do it for tonight's episode.
01:14:45
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening, everybody.
01:14:55
Speaker
Bye.